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Date-related sickness? Anyone else get this?

I’m a bisexual female and as a matter of course I get somewhat nauseated in the days following going out on dates with men. Doesn’t matter who they are or how long I’ve known them or how much I like them (or don’t; I end up feeling unwell days after straight-date no matter what. I don’t know what it means yet, but I have inklings that it’s to do with my discomfort with my sexuality -maybe orientation (I have not yet this issue dating women, just butterflies) or possibly expression & confidence & perception (I never dated as a teen/college kid so have no experience, and my personality changes around others too much). I don’t go out or socialise much at all, partly because of this strange abhorrent allergic reaction I seem to have to men I’m spending quality time with 1-1. I’m halfway to just limiting my circle to lesbian clubs tbh.

Then again, I don’t want to discount the fact that that feelings like this can be a more specific alarm bell. This guy I just saw yesterday was the one of the most thoughtful and polite men I have ever been out with but something about him is making my body feel wrong. Over dinner he revealed to me he’s an army Vet who had served in Afghanistan, as well as other frightening shit to do with his current occupation, and tbh thisnhaa fucking thrown me for loop and makes me physically unnerved no matter how kind the recounting (he seems to be a pacifist with some criticism of armed forces). Ever since yesterday I have experienced my typical ‘sickness’ and my stomach has been roiling, but more than that my vision is blurry and my mouth is bone-dry. I also have this ooky shaky feeling behind my sternum like I’m getting the flu, and I’m ravenously hungry despite eating. I wonder if I let my psychic guard down too much or something, and now I’m experiencing something unresolved on his wavelength that it not meant for me.

I’m mindful that this reaction could still be sexuality confusion, like the way Sara Gilbert used to get depressive symptoms after making out with guys...but I still feel that is an unsatisfactory conclusion. I’m still attracted to men physically on occasion and want to touch them or get close to them yet my body screams the contrary. Even though this particular man has not directly redflagged or exposed any awful truth verbally or physically to me (he even smells attractive to me, which is a big tell women use), the fact is that MY insides are for some reason unhappy about his presence and do not trust him. So I feel I have to go with the gut, and have put some distance between us via text. Maybe my body is alert to the fact that he wants to fuck/run (he’s visiting my town for a week only) hence the ‘morning sickness’ sensation?

Idk, this is exhausting & embarrassing and I really hate it but I have to ask for help as I’m so unsure. Someone please explain just what is wrong with me?

by Anonymousreply 13April 24, 2018 10:51 PM

OP started her a post with the major lie that she's telling herself; that she's bi-sexual. She has a boatload of issues regarding men and a lifetime of messages about harmful masculinity that she needs to work through. That she should be with a man is one of the first ones she should drop.

She should save herself and others a lot of time and wasted energy and just go with being a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 1April 23, 2018 12:22 PM

OP stop trying to convince yourself you like men when it’s clear you don’t. Just accept you are gay.

by Anonymousreply 2April 23, 2018 2:22 PM

Straight woman, here. I've experienced those symptoms while dating men who turned out to be abusive, controlling or just plain bad news. Assuming you really do like men, avoid those guys (Really? You don't consider being in town for one week a red flag? Of course he wants to fuck and run.). In fact, if you're attracted to women, why not just avoid men altogether? And like others have said, you may just be a lesbian anyway, still in denial.

by Anonymousreply 3April 23, 2018 2:53 PM

Take comfort in knowing that nobody wants to spend time with someone who get physically ill after spending time with them, so you're not doing anyone any favors.

It would take years and years of therapy to deal with your issues about men and frankly, dick isn't worth all of that.

by Anonymousreply 4April 23, 2018 3:33 PM

[quote] It would take years and years of therapy to deal with your issues about men and frankly, dick isn't worth all of that.

R4 cannot be a gay man or a regular DLr. They’d never say such a thing.

by Anonymousreply 5April 24, 2018 12:44 PM

OP I would stick to the ladies, and if you have some unresolved attraction to blokes, explore it in your fantasies when you're with yourself. Have you ever enjoyed a man's company and found him attractive without the sickness? That would be key to understanding what is going on. What do you think a man can offer, that a lady can't? Is there something specific you would like from a man? Interesting case you present!

by Anonymousreply 6April 24, 2018 12:56 PM

You need psychological help. I’m not being a smart ass, you really do need a lot of therapy.

by Anonymousreply 7April 24, 2018 1:09 PM

If OP can afford regular dates she can probably afford basic weekly therapy (unless she never pays on her dates?). That being said a typical city shrink will probably clean out her bank account without actually ever fixing the hangups. This doesn’t sound severe enough to pathologise and throw money & drugs at.

I like R6’s suggestion for OP to self-interrogate and be real & accepting of herself. Women’s sexuality is fluid and not subject to shift than mens’, and with that in mind maybe this angst will resolve itself.

She’s right about the intuition of a female body, I will say that much. Most healthy adult/fertile women are biologically geared to know instinctively if a man is a going to cause them (or their unborn babies) harm in future. It’s a sense-based somatic reaction.

by Anonymousreply 8April 24, 2018 1:47 PM

[quote] Womens’ sexuality is fluid and MORE subject to shift than mens’...

Fixed, sorry.

by Anonymousreply 9April 24, 2018 1:49 PM

Dates are all sickening anyway, aren’t they?

by Anonymousreply 10April 24, 2018 6:02 PM

It’s just your herpes flaring, OP.

by Anonymousreply 11April 24, 2018 6:54 PM

I heard once that one of the Heps can give certain lucky victims an essential tremor.

Think of all the VD you are avoiding, OP, not to mention the obsessive crazies on the singles scene. If you’re happy alone then stay alone and enjoy it, is what I say.

by Anonymousreply 12April 24, 2018 10:44 PM

Sweetie, your body is telling you something. Stop arguing and go with it.

All the therapy in the world will not stop your instincts. Your heart wants what it wants and we'll all make fun of you. Tough shit. Go with what your heart wants.

by Anonymousreply 13April 24, 2018 10:51 PM
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