Serious question- why dont we respect our eldergays more?

Ti amo, OP.

most people do, actually.

get ur facts right sonny

I don't know anyone who's disrespectful of elder gays in general. Now, if you're talking about the creepy ones who 'accidentally' touch you when you walk by in a bar, then yes.

It is ignorance, OP.

There is also a general ignorance re older people/generations now. It is part instagram worship of youth/fear of age, and. part of a wider political - push an attack to tear down intelligent society.

The ignorant younger ones only know "gay" from stereotypes presented to them on TV and Hollywood movies so they ridicule "gay" and want to be "queer" or "bi" or "no labels."

I worked in my family's bar in my 20s. There were several pensioners who'd come to the bar at 8AM and stay most of the day, drinking their day away. I don't have much respect for any actual elders in bars regardless of their orientation.

True story: I was at a San Francisco leather bar in the late 90s and there was a very old guy, (late 80s) there, too. I quietly (I thought) commented to a friend that I hoped not to be still hanging out in gay bars at that age. He overheard me and said, "You should hope to live to be my age." He then turned around back of his leather vest, was written his name in metal studs, "Harry Hay"

If you do live to be Harry Hay's age, r6, I hope you find the judgmental cunt from the "lots of gay sex" thread and settle down together. You can cunt at everyone who's not you until you are both 110.

Honestly, i think eldergays are bitchy, mean, and perverted. They are full of enormous knowledge and history though, and for that i respect them.

1. I find that the DLEGs (DataLounge ElderGays) are, on the whole, far more technophobic and out of touch with the ways of modern life than people their age (50s, 60s and 70s) that I know IRL, both straight and gay. Some of that seems to stem from living in gay ghettos and not knowing anyone other than other eldergays, so they have limited exposure to new technology and new ideas.

2. There's a strong Peter Pan complex, the whole "I may be 55 but I look ten years younger" meme. (As if most people actually can tell the difference between a 55 year old and a 45 year old) and that means a lot of eldergays come of as ridiculous. Not most, but a lot.

3. People who have been through something as horrific as the AIDS crisis unfortunately bear a lot of psychological scars which can make them seem less than sympathetic.

Because they are the future of every person in the room and nobody wants to believe it.

I am not technophobic. I think that's a silly stereotype. And my two most tech-addicted friends are 59 and 71. My two best millennial friends, ages 36 and 29, are infinitely better at having actual conversations.

Wow, R6, that is brave of you to admit. It is a great anecdote about youth.

When I finally make it to Stonewall, I will kiss the ground (metaphorically). The gay men and lesbians who came just a few generations before me (I’m 45) improved my life incalculably. BUT, some of these same people are now the entrenched conservatives against which trans and colored civil rights are fighting within the community itself. You see a lot of ugliness on DL because it’s anonymous.

It’s hard for me to make gay friends. There is still a lot of shame, internalized homophobia, etc. that make it difficult and, in turn, make me lonely. I hope that gets easier for subsequent generations.

R10 is why I hate us.

37 isn't an eldergay?

r14 Not to an eldergay.

"I'm 37 and not an eldergay..."

HA!!!

I thought this thread wasn't supposed to have any humor??

A percentage of every demographic is so phobic about aging, that the aged themselves are a experienced as a direct threat . The only way for some to reduce that threat is to ridicule and dismiss older people. It relieves, for the moment the reality that all people age and all the hopes and dreams you have, they had as well. I think the fear is more the later. Very successful older people seem to experience more inclusion and respect than those who have lived an ordinary life. Nobody at 20 wants to think they will be a 75 year old who isn't a financial Success or a movie star or a Broadway actor etc.

My personal observation is that gay people are becoming more age inclusive, not less so. Age can be very beautiful when embraced and when it is accompanied by self respect. Unfortunately many of our gay brothers of a certain age have internalized the age related bias of the gay culture of their youth. and adopt self negating behavior that makes them appear foolish.

Nothing is more repellent in an older person than the abscence of wisdom.

Bars are a thing of the past and most older gay men assoicate them with the hieght of their attractiveness and sexual peak. There isn't anything wrong with that, its a kind of reuncion of survivors. Obviously if you are in your 60s and 70's sitting in a bar hoping to be mistaken for a 30 year old, that is problematic. Having said that, everyone needs love. If you see an older gay person, start a conversation. You will learn something about yourself and probably something interesting about them.

OP, it's not just an eldergay thing. It's an elderblack thing, it's an elderfeminist thing, it's an elder-everyone thing. There are twenty-something women who loathe elder feminists and twenty-something African-Americans who loathe Civil Rights activists and even mock them in their rap songs; twenty-something musicians who loathed and ridiculed legends like David Bowie when he was alive, and twenty-something filmmakers who loathe legendary directors.

R4 nailed it to the wall. There seems to be be this across-the-board toxic hatred against the generations that not only lived through so much but gave today's young people all the freedoms and progress they currently enjoy. I agree that it's a part of a political attack. Poison the youth against the past, see the elders as the enemy and they will stop appreciating what the elders gave them, including all the progress, all the struggles, all the sacrifices.

I also think that jealousy is a part of it. I grew up as GenX under the shadow of the Boomers and the Greatest Generation. We didn't see their achievements and legacy as something to be jealous of but to aspire towards and carry out in some form. But this younger generation (GenY? Milllennials? Who knows anymore?), they're so narcissistic, they see the older generation as a threat (rather as inspirational) and feel they have to tear them down or hate on them to feel better about themselves. They don't seem to realize that the achievements of the older generation is there for them to enjoy and exploit and not a question of competition.

True of straight and gay. Young people generally don’t want to hang around old people. Old people always want to hang around young people. I see it with my elderly mother-doesn’t want to be with people her own age, only younger. And even I prefer to be with my young nephews and nieces rather than my elderly mother.

I think youth have a right not to have to interact with people they don’t want to - old, ugly, female. As an eldergay, I expect that. Unfortunately money is the compensator. Hopefully, we have more financial comfort to make up for the absence of youth and optimism and beauty. I may buy a younger person a drink in a bar - but I know that doesn’t require them to talk to me. As Tennessee wrote -“you can be young without money, but you can’t be old without money”.

I have been told I am a youthful looking 66, yet the looks of contempt I receive from millennials when I shop at Whole Foods are priceless.

I could have written r20, except I must be oblivious to "the looks of contempt I receive from millennials"? Is that really happening to me, too? Most people seem nice.

“If you live you will grow old.” - Unknown

Many young people disrespect elders, regardless of orientation. My parents’ generation had a slogan, “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” This was back in the sixties.

Nothing new here.

I am not sure that it is that different in terms of social relationships. I am an eldergay now, but when I was young - in the eighties - I did not pay much attention to anyone outside my age group. Their interests were different and I saw them as part of my parents’ generation.

Now that I am in my fifties, I am far more comfortable in groups that are different from me, be it ethnicity, income, or age - younger but especially older.

I do they there is now a wider cultural divide between older and younger gays and lesbians, indicative of an intransigence (on both sides) that has developed in US society. And social media - including DL - fuels the negativity and deepens the trench.

I think many people also fear that elder gays are inevitably gonna hit on them. When I was young a fair number of older guys did hit on me. I took it as a compliment and a simple no thanks usually did the job. (The creeps who kept pestering deserved the “No means no motherfucker!” Attitude I gave them. In my older years (52) I have to laugh at the 30 year old who worries I’m gonna cruise him. Bitch. I wouldn’t have fucked you at 30 when I was just as hot as you are. I surely don’t want any of that now. I’ll go home with my similarly old partner and have a far better night than I ever would with a disdainful younger guy.

Eldergays are complex creatures. I respect those who stay current and who change with the changing world. The ones that bug the shit out of me are the ones who are stuck in a particular place and haven't left that place. You have the really old queens who still worship Barbra and Liza and Madonna. Then you have the ones who are still in PTSD mode from the AIDS crisis back in the day who can't start a sentence without telling you how horrible that time was and how they lost everybody. Not to be insensitive but at some point you have to let the grief go and rejoin life. I think eldergays have a lot of lessons to teach, but sometimes you want some of them to just take it down a notch.

[quote]You have the really old queens who still worship Barbra and Liza and Madonna.

Even as a young queen (less young for the last one), I could not stand these three.

[quote]Then you have the ones who are still in PTSD mode from the AIDS crisis back in the day who can't start a sentence without telling you how horrible that time was and how they lost everybody. Not to be insensitive but at some point you have to let the grief go and rejoin life.

I hardly bring it up anymore. Part of letting the grief go for me meant moving to a new city. I have no one here with whom I commiserate over AIDS, so the losses aren't as top-of-mind now. But if it does come up, yes, I will talk about it. Why would I not?

Gurl, you achieved eldergay status seven years ago.

Get yourself right.

R27 illustrates a big part of the gay generation gap: the whole "Boys In The Band" thing of referring to other men as "gurl" or "hun" or "she" along with the "you can't be friends with or trust straight people" makes many (but NOT most) Eldergays seem like they belong to a different tribe. Even the whole experience of living in a gay ghetto and vacationing on Fire Island and Provincetown and all that. Totally different world.

[quote]I'm 37 and not an eldergay

lolwut?

37 is eldergay.

My husband and I are in our early 50s, so I guess we are Eldergays now, but we are really good friends (and have been for over 25 years) with a much older gay couple who live three houses down from us. They are in their mid-70s and are the coolest, kindest guys I have ever known. They have been together for over 45 years and they are a veritable warehouse of knowledge about gay history, especially Texas gay history. These guys have seen and done it all. I would not trade them for anything.

Get to know some elders. I have never met any like some of you describe. I'm sure there are bitter, perverted, and technophobic old queens out there, but most are not. My friendship with the couple I spoke about has been one of the most rewarding friendship experiences of my life.

See: Terror Management Theory

[quoter]Even the whole experience of living in a gay ghetto and vacationing on Fire Island and Provincetown and all that. Totally different world.

There's plenty of young people at all the gay ghetto vacation spots. Fire Island, particularly, is more of a New York scene thing.

R28 i completely agree with you. 37 is eldergay? No. Definitely not. Starts at 50. Yea, the gay tribe is definitely disturbed mentally. They are from a different time. It really did a number on you guys. I am so sorry. ❤

It works both way. The elder gays and the young ones are equally bitchy