That national suicide hotline

I’ve called it and they asked me what was going on in my life to make me so depressed. They basically tell you things to get you to not think about killing yourself. My problem is a new illness I was diagnosed with and a very stressful job that agrevates my symptoms. Counselor just suggested trying to find relaxing things to do spend more time with friends.

Call them, OP. They’d be more help to you than we would.

Call them OP. They’re good people.

My "friends" are consumed with their lives. They have kids, spouses, their families. I'm just not plugged in like everyone else my age. I don't give a shit about Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. to have anything in common. I guess I am a blemish on society. My ex ruined me, relationships are a joke.

Oh, and sorry about the link having some Trump crap scrawled at the top. I just noticed it.

Honey, no matter how bad things are, they will get better. That is how life goes. Today will turn into tomorrow. Bad times come and go. Good times come and go. Stick around for the show. Call that number, too. Sometimes simply knowing someone is listening is...enough. Hugs to you.

Hey dude, I can't find my tv remote, so I'm right there with ya....

It's not much but I wish I could be there just to have a beer with you and listen for awhile. Not to make it about me but I just got through a really rough patch- much like you. No money. Feeling like I had no friends. Facing eviction. There was no logical reason or way I could see it turning around, either. I finally got paid some money I was owed and I'm back at my old job. Some friends from the past looked me up (I live in a new town where I don't know anyone) and we're all going out next week. I'm not caught up- but things are all of the sudden a lot different. This has happened several times where I didn't think I could go on anymore. Then a few weird things happen that aren't logical/weren't forseeable and I'm back on my feet again. When it's bad you get so scared and full of despair that you go back and forth from that horror show to numbness. Everything is just exhausting. I had to deal with what I could and then hide in books, running, and sleep.

I think I might know how you feel. I'm going to hope for you. Meanwhile, I get it and you're not alone. Lots of people know what it's like. Everyone's rooting for you.

OP, things will improve. Don’t take your life. People don’t see your pain. They are too absorbed in their own lives. Keep that in mind. It isn’t selfishness. It’s self absorption. Even if you don’t believe it, people do care about you.

Please give them a call an hang in there OP.

I felt like OP. Unemployed for nearly 3 years and my health was suffering from the stress. I have no family. I got through it. Reach out OP -

OP - the problems if you attempt suicide.

Pills? Swallow an entire bottle. You still might wake up in the morning, OR WORSE, live the next thirty years on life support while being a burden to everybody else. The last thing you want.

Jump off a building or cliff? You might hit something on the way down. OR WORSE - (see above)

Slit your wrists? - if you don't do it right, you just lose an arm - OR WORSE - (see above)

Drive your car into a wall? (see above)

I even know somebody who jumped in front of a subway. They survived And it wasn't pretty.

Really, best to wait it out!

I wouldn't call because I don't actively think about killing myself. I do think, most nights before going to sleep, that it would be wonderful if I just didn't wake up.

OP, I don't know how your ex "ruined you." But there is no way anyone you included should ever surrender that much power. As for not giving a damn about social media and not being plugged in, maybe you need to reconsider. By not being on social media you are further isolating yourself. Now, if you weren't in such a fragile state, I would say whatever, but because you need to be reaching out and NOT isolating yourself maybe you should get on social media in a limited way. I did it so I could be nosy. It ended up being fun. You can use it as little or as much as you want. In a way it can be helpful for people who get depressed because it makes you feel less isolated even if you're only an observer and not a participant.

It seems to me you're feeling overwhelmed. Caught in a real shit storm. The fact is you have a lot of anger and a feeling of hopelessness and it is interfering with your job search. You may be self sabotaging without even realizing it. So. Go on the Pychology Today website and look at the range and variety of counselors and therapists they have in your area. You can also call the suicide prevention hotline for assistance in this regard. Tell them you need help and they ought to have resources they can refer you too. They have to at least have a list of some twelve step programs that you can attend until you get on your feet. Just because you aren't an alcoholic, or a substance abusers doesn't mean sitting in is not helpful. There are all kinds of groups out here and you might find some people who are struggling or who have struggled just like you.

You can even go to your hospital. They have support groups for care givers. You are a caregiver whether you realize it or not. So get into one of those groups just to start off, and then talk to the social worker about how to find something more suited to your needs. If you do that, you will start feeling better about yourself and your mind will be in better shape so you will have more success in the job search. You're overwhelmed right now. I'd start with a hospital to locate a caregivers support group. And tell them you really need to see someone right away! Don't let anyone put you off. Good luck.

Sending you love, OP. So many are facing challenging circumstances, myself included. It isn't my first rodeo and I remember life can turn on a dime, strange miracles occur, and sometimes your thoughts just change. You can't trust the darkness you feel. It is fleeting and the light returns. Hang in there, OP. You will smile again. Cry if you need to - it's cathartic and doesn't kill anyone despite how it feels. May legions of angels rush to your side and so it is.

R12, you do sound like you might,be depressed, in which case, consider some kind of counseling, to keep things from getting worse.

Bette Midler, From a Distance

I called and was on hold for 10 minutes. Fuck them. This is bullshit.

Call back. Wait. Just Wait OP.

[quote]Honey, no matter how bad things are, they will get better. That is how life goes. Today will turn into tomorrow. Bad times come and go. Good times come and go. Stick around for the show.

I know you're just trying to be helpful, but this is not helpful. My life has gotten progressively worse- year after year, for at least 10 years. Every year is worse than the last, and thinking like you do has only set me up for more disappointment relative to how my life is actually turning out. And the vast majority of it is outside of my control. There are very lucky people in this world and then there are people like me.

OP - do not take "heart medication" in some unknown quantity. The vast VAST majority of overdoses from medication do NOT lead to death. They lead to incapacity of some sort, if they do anything at all. Suicide is well studied & books on methods are published. Coroners have plenty of data that is also available, though it's not the most easy source to use. The wrong method can lead to partial brain damage, minor strokes, liver damage (40% of all severe liver damage is due to tylenol overdoses which is a very slow and painful death if you can't get a transplant), and so on. If your chosen method is poisoning, you need to obtain the appropriate cocktail of drugs & anti-vomiting medicine(s) to make that work.

I am very much pro-suicide for terminally ill people who want to end their lives, and I am also pro-suicide for people whose lives are a complete train-wreck. For depressed people with transient issues, I do not support it. You know what group you belong to after 3 therapists just look at you, stunned by the things you're telling them, and say "so how, um, how does that make you feel" because they are too shocked to even handle your life situations.

While you're waiting on the hotline, you can talk to us.

Yes, talk to us as you wait, OP.

Just do it!

I told someone that alcoholism is a "slow suicide". A girl I used to work with who lost her dad to a heroin overdose gave me a hard time about drinking. I don't drive if I drink, I don't have kids or anything else so why does it matter if I drink? The only person I'm hurting is myself, but when I drink I do feel better. "Go smoke a bowl." Well, when I do that it kills my throat. I've had a bunch of URIs and bronchitis and inhaling any type of smoke kills me. I went to the doctor back in September with horrible stomach pains. They sent me to the hospital with elevated bilirubin in my urine. Next day at work someone told me I looked jaundice. So, yeah, maybe it is a slow suicide, but in the end the only person I'm hurting is myself.

Sorry my writing is all over the place, but my mind is all over the place right now.

Get a hobby that will occupy your mind but doesn't involve looking at a computer or TV screen - cooking, writing, repairing stuff, woodwork, even knitting. And join a local society like a book club or nature walks or a series of lectures. Even going to a friendly church, many offer assistance. It will give you a reason to shower and get out of the house.

Hang in there, OP.

Hello, suicide hotline, this is The Truth. There's a man in a White House who abuses me so much, I just want to end my life. Or drink the orange kool-aid.

try gardening and swimming. get outdoors. exercise. join a hiking group or a birdwatching group if you can't hike. bridge group. anything to get you out of the head space you're in now. any physical activity will help, especially something that takes you outside.

get a pet, even a hermit crab or some goldfish.

don't do anything drastic, you would be shocked at how even small changes can lead to big, positive ones!

You're making sense to me, OP, R23.

Sorry, OP at r24.

And if, by chance, that special place that you've been dreaming of leads you to a lonely place: find your strength in love.

How are you OP? Still trying to call??

OP hold on. I had a friend who called it when she was younger and the guy actually said to her "what do you want me to do about it?" Thankfully she was able to get in touch with somebody else who actually helped her. I know it sounds cheesy OP but there s always a chance something great can happen. I'd offer my number for you to call but I don't want to post it on DL.

Just go out and walk OP. That's what saved my life during the darkest time of my life. I walked an hour o and from work in the freezing cold everyday just because I feel like if I was still I couldn't handle the thoughts and feelings I was having. The exercise did end up improving my mental health so try to walk at least an hour a day.

I wanted to offer my number too, R32.

I've been there too OP.

I just needed to vent to anybody how awful I was feeling, that it all just felt so black and hopeless. In venting I just wanted someone to agree with me how crap things can be. Things can be crap, life does suck. It is unfair, it is ruthless, it isn't you. WE GET IT.

Keep venting with us until you can make that call and speak to someone.

R35 again. When I heard from my Mum agree with how crappy things can be, it was like a beacon of hope, that someone actually got it. It was that connection that got me in the right direction. It got me to trust people and talk it through, and from there I worked out my troubles. Things aren't perfect, but they are much better.

Keep venting with us until you find that person that you connect with and helps you through this horrific time.

OP keep going please, this world needs you, yes it does. Thoughts like yours ran my mind like a wheel in a cage, but when I quieted the inner critic dialogue by breathing it bought me time. Again and again.

OP I understand and I wish I could give you a hug. I have been there, I still am. I too have been let down by the helplines but maybe it was just bad luck. What has saved me is I always give myself three days. If I still fell so bad after 3 days I will reconsider giving in to the bad thoughts. So far after three days I change my mind. Hang in there if you can. Can you walk? if yes please go out for a short walk if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Life.

Please welcome Dorothy Parker to DL at R11!

Does anyone know who staffs these hotlines? Social workers? Or just random people with a training course?

Father Ray Kelly

R41 unfortunately because of the limitations of lack of proper funding, usually it is a lot of volunteers with training courses under the supervision of Psychatric social worker or some other licensed credentialed person. But the main thing to know is that 95% of the people involved are volunteers.

I would feel so uncomfortable volunteering for a job like that without enough training. It's literally life & death... and who knows how much difference you can make. If it was like "phone a friend - I feel shitty" - I could volunteer. But if they're sitting there holding a gun & trying to make up their mind ...

Today has been surreal, to say the least. I woke up with a horrible headache, almost felt like a hangover, yet I hadn't been drinking. I finally got to sleep after taking a melatonin, but kept waking through the night. I had my phone off and when I turned it on there was a text from a guy I've been talking to who lives a world away it seems saying he was going to come down here if he needs to. At least someone still has a bit of a heart. Of course the "friends" who live in the same city as me are nowhere to be seen or heard from. If the tables were turned on them though I would be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

This is just ridiculous. Thank you to all who have commented and said nice things to me, Even though we're strangers, it is much appreciated.

Take good care, OP. Always here when you need to let it out.

Take care of yourself, OP. And please come back and let us know how you are doing so we can talk again. The DL is always here for you.....

Take care of yourself, OP. Keep talking.

OP, how about reaching out to your friends who are local. Just for a coffee, or even an extended chat on Whatsapp.

Say you're feeling like shit and need to touch base and you'd like to hear what they are up to. Friendship goes both way, so even though you're feeling like shit you need to be good company and be interesting and interested in them and be honest without being self-pitying. They might be busy with planning holidays and with children, but you can talk about whatever you're into right now, even if it's watching sport on TV or Netflix or some amusing encounter you had when shopping. It's not much but it's something to do.

My life imploded a couple of years ago. Long-time partner died suddenly and I was there and watched and couldn't do anything to stop it., I lost my job, lost my house, lost a parent, all within 3 months. PTSD, severe depression, grief.

I feel better now. I don't feel great, I'm not 100% (and maybe I won't be again) but most days have some pleasurable times and some numb periods and that is a big improvement from the constant grief and agony of 2 yrs ago.

Some things that helped me: - A good therapist and learning some CBT techniques. If you can't find or afford a good therapist, get a CBT workbook from Amazon or a library. A bad therapist is worse than no therapist at all. - My dog was pretty much the only thing I cared about from my old life that I still had. It might sound shallow,but having a friendly and attractive dog was particularly helpful because I had to leave my home for walks and strangers would talk to me and force me to be social when my instinct was to climb into a dark hole. - I joined a support group. It wasn't a good fit for me because the only grief groups in my area were religious and I am not. But despite all the faithy blather, being with people with the same type of problem helped. I didn't pretend to share their faith and they were really sweet and supportive. I didn't stay with the group for long but it helped. - Walking. Lots of walking. It's not as good as running but it still helped. - An antidepeessant. Wellbutrin (bupropion) didn't magically make me happy but it made the low points somewhat less severe. If you've tried antidepressants and find they didn't do much, try taking a l-methylfolate supplement like Methyl-Life. It is just a more biologically available form of folic acid but it makes the antideoressant drugs work much better for some people. It's kind of pricey but it is worth it for me. - Volunteer work helps me get perspective on my own troubles. It took me quite a while to find the right type. It's something I look forward to. If it felt like a chore I wouldn't do it. - Meditation. There's a free app called Insight Timer that has some guided meditations that I found particularly helpful.

I'm not going to pretend it's all great now. I still have trouble sleeping and am chronically sleep-deprived as a result. Weed gets me to sleep but after 5 hours or so I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I don't like to indulge more than once a day. If I could get edibles, that might work but my state makes it difficult and costly. BTW, OP you might find vaping pot would be less irritating than smoking it.

I wish you well.

R50, good for you. That's a great, thorough post too.

I second R51. Great post R50.

You sound like a very nice, and kind person, r50. Good for you for surviving and taking it day by day. Must have been beyond beief and human capacity sometimes. I wish you only the very best from here on. You deserve it.

OP you think you've got problems?

If you call them will they turn you in?

These 42 Doo-Wop songs...

Just a couple of practical ideas. Get your various hormones checked out; I’ve suffered depression for ten years and had two serious breakdowns have only just found out I have a underactive thyroid—a symptom of which is depression. Also look into diet. Batshit as it sounds there’s increasing credible evidence that gut biome may play a significant role in mental health, in animal models depression and anxiety can be induced by bad gut flora somehow breaching the blood-brain barrier and iinteracting with the amygdala Try following a probiotic diet for at least 3 months. I’d recommend taking probiotic pills as along side fruit & veg, fermented foods, and yoghurts etc to be sure.

I don’t know if you access these programmes on gut health and particularly the one on mental illness, I’m sure there’s a way.

How bacteria are changing your mood

By James Gallagher Presenter, The Second Genome, BBC Radio 4 Gut-Brain illustration

If anything makes us human it's our minds, thoughts and emotions.

And yet a controversial new concept is emerging that claims gut bacteria are an invisible hand altering our brains.

Science is piecing together how the trillions of microbes that live on and in all of us - our microbiome - affect our physical health.

But even conditions including depression, autism and neurodegenerative disease are now being linked to these tiny creatures.

We've known for centuries that how we feel affects our gut - just think what happens before an exam or a job interview - but now it is being seen as a two-way street.

Groups of researchers believe they are on the cusp of a revolution that uses "mood microbes" or "psychobiotics" to improve mental health.

The study that ignited the whole concept took place at Kyushu University in Japan.

The researchers showed that "germ-free" mice - those that never came into contact with microbes - pumped out twice the amount of stress hormone when distressed than normal mice.

The animals were identical except for their microbes. It was a strong hint that the difference was a result of their micro-organisms.

"We all go back to that first paper for the first wave of neuroscientists considering microbes," says Dr Jane Foster, a neuropsychiatrist at McMaster University in Canada.

"That really was very powerful for those of us who were studying depression and anxiety."

It was the first hint of microbial medicine in mental health.

How could bacteria be altering the brain?

Bacteria The brain is the most complex object in the known universe so how could it be reacting to bacteria in the gut?

One route is the vagus nerve, it's an information superhighway connecting the brain and the gut. Bacteria break down fibre in the diet into chemicals called short-chain fatty acids, which can have effects throughout the body.

The microbiome influences the immune system, which has also been implicated in brain disorders. There is even emerging evidence that gut bugs could be using tiny strips of genetic code called microRNAs to alter how DNA works in nerve cells.

There is now a rich vein of research linking germ-free mice with changes in behaviour and even the structure of the brain.

But their completely sterile upbringing is nothing like the real world. We're constantly coming into contact with microbes in our environment, none of us are germ-free.

At Cork University Hospital, Prof Ted Dinan is trying to uncover what happens to the microbiome in his depressed patients.

A good rule of thumb is a healthy microbiome is a diverse microbiome, containing a wide variety of different species living all over our bodies.

Prof Dinan says: "If you compare somebody who is clinically depressed with someone who is healthy, there is a narrowing in the diversity of the microbiota.

"I'm not suggesting it is the sole cause of depression, but I do believe for many individuals it does play a role in the genesis of depression."

And he argues some lifestyles that weaken our gut bacteria, such as a diet low in fibre, can make us more vulnerable.

You're more microbe than human - if you count all the cells in your body, only 43% are human The rest is our microbiome and includes bacteria, viruses, fungi and single-celled archaea The human genome - the full set of genetic instructions for a human being - is made up of 20,000 instructions called genes

But add all the genes in our microbiome together and the figure comes out at between two million and 20 million microbial genes

It's known as the second genome and is linked to diseases including allergy, obesity, inflammatory bowel disease, Parkinson's, whether cancer drugs work and even depression and autism

Cont

More than half your body is not human]

It's an intriguing concept - that an imbalance in the gut microbiome could be involved in depression.

So scientists at the APC Microbiome centre, at University College Cork, started transplanting the microbiome from depressed patients to animals. It's known in the biz as a trans-poo-sion.

It showed that if you transfer the bacteria, you transfer the behaviour too.

Prof John Cryan told the BBC: "We were very surprised that you could, by just taking microbiome samples, reproduce many of the features of a depressed individual in a rat."

This included anhedonia - the way depression can lead to people losing interest in what they normally find pleasurable.

For the rats, that was sugary water they could not get enough of, yet "when they were given the microbiome from a depressed individual, they no longer cared", says Prof Cryan.

Similar evidence - linking the microbiome, the gut and the brain - is emerging in Parkinson's disease.

It is clearly a brain disorder. Patients lose control over their muscles as brain cells die and it leads to a characteristic tremor.

But Prof Sarkis Mazmanian, a medical microbiologist from Caltech, is building the case that gut bacteria are involved.

"Classical neuroscientists would find this as heresy to think you can understand events in the brain by researching the gut," he says.

He has found "very powerful" differences between the microbiomes of people with Parkinson's and those without the disease.

Studies in animals, genetically hardwired to develop Parkinson's, show gut bacteria were necessary for the disease to emerge.

And when stool was transplanted from Parkinson's patients to those mice, they developed "much worse" symptoms than using faeces sourced from a healthy individual.

Prof Mazmanian told the BBC: "The changes in the microbiome appear to be driving the motor symptoms, appear to be causal to the motor symptoms.

"We're very excited about this because it allows us to target the microbiome as an avenue for new therapies."

The evidence linking the microbiome and the brain is as fascinating as it is early.

But the pioneers of this field see an exciting prospect on the horizon - a whole new way of influencing our health and wellbeing.

If microbes do influence our brains then maybe we can change our microbes for the better.

Can altering the bacteria in Parkinson's patients' guts change the course of their disease?

There is talk of psychiatrists prescribing mood microbes or psychobiotics - effectively a probiotic cocktail of healthy bacteria - to boost our mental health.

Dr Kirsten Tillisch, at University of California, Los Angeles, told me: "If we change the bacteria can we change the way we respond?

But she says we need far bigger studies that really probe what species, and even sub-species, of bacteria may be exerting an effect on the brain and what products they are making in the gut.

Dr Tillisch said: "There's clearly connections here, I think our enthusiasm and our excitement is there because we haven't had great treatments.

"It's very exciting to think there's a whole new pathway that we can study and we can look and we can help people, maybe even prevent disease."

And that's the powerful idea here.

The microbiome - our second genome - is opening up an entirely new way of doing medicine and its role is being investigated in nearly every disease you can imagine including allergies, cancer and obesity.

I've been struck by how malleable the second genome is and how that is in such stark contrast to our own DNA.

The food we eat, the pets we have, the drugs we take, how we're born… all alter our microbial inhabitants.

And if we're doing that unwittingly, imagine the potential of being able to change our microbiome for the better.

Prof Cryan said: "I predict in the next five years when you go to your doctor for your cholesterol testing etc, you'll also get your microbiome assessed.

"The microbiome is the fundamental future of personalised medicine."

Thank you for that info, r58!

I read that seratonin is formed or absorbed in the gut so it makes sense to get the digestive system stabilised.

OP, what can you do to make money? Bend the rules. Make that fucking money and let it fill the hold inside.

I called once and the guy just made me feel worse. It was obvious that he couldn’t be less interested in talking to me and had no mental health training. It was very much along the lines of “You don’t have anything to be depressed about, stop complaining.”

[quote]It was very much along the lines of “You don’t have anything to be depressed about, stop complaining.”

Damn, r63. That can make the depressed person feel even worse and spiral down further. I hope his supervisors caught wind of what he was saying and hope he didn't effect too much

See, before I take myself out, I'm going to ... improve things for others who are miserable.

There are some people who have too much... hot gay guys in perfect (open) couples with tons of money ... who show off on Instagram... Yeah. I'm inclined to ... use my death for something that'll bring a little joy to some of us unhappy people.

DL has pointed some of them out...

R65, it's mostly a mirage.

I feel like something has seriously happened in my brain. I was filling out some paperwork and small things were tripping me up. I put 2016 as the year, couldn't remember my address, that sort of thing. I really feel like I'm shutting down, slowly but surely. I called a friend of mine yesterday, who in my eyes is a saint. She thought I was drunk, which I wasn't. I found out today that she's engaged. I don't want to heap any of my trash on her because she's beyond elated.

I just wish whatever it is will happen soon. My soul is dead, my heart is gone, my brain is scrambled, yet my body continues.

OP - Did you ever see the doctor? Or is this a troll?

No, I'm not trolling. Between having $0 to my name and a ton of other shit, I can't afford a doctor. I mean if it's time, it's time. Right?

Call OP. Call Now!!!

DLers - Any ideas for OP?

[Quote]I was filling out some paperwork and small things were tripping me up. I put 2016 as the year, couldn't remember my address, that sort of thing.

I think that's the stress and depression. Somebody asked me on Tuesday what I did this past weekend and I could not for the life remember. It was horrifying... and I'm job searching. How the hell am I going to interview well if I brain fart about what I've done the day before yesterday?

OP, I wish we could go for a hike together. I'm incredibly lonely and we're heading into summer and I want to camp and hike and have some fun.

OP, people can get mental fog if they're depressed; ditto if they're not sleeping well.

What state do you live in? There are free social services around. We can help you find some.

OP, if you think talking to your friend you phoned yesterday will help, call her and explain how you're feeling. I'm sure she'd want to help you.

It's definitely stress, I agree also, r72 and r73.

1. Do you have a job? 2. Do you have food? 3. Why not call your engaged friend. people are human and understand. 4. If you go to emergency, maybe they could give you some medication.

r72 - There must be a way for you two to connect with OP.......

One of you, invent a throw-away email address. Post that email address here, so the other can contact you. You can come up with a new skype name and talk that way also.

(I wouldn't go to the emergency room: they might Baker Act you. But there are free services available, and we can help you find them.)

OP if you’re broke you can go on Medicaid. And if you find the process too daunting there are places you can go where they will help sign you up. I had to do this during a really bad point in my life and the place I went to, the Callen-Lorde Center, was amazing in helping me.

OP - As someone said, what State do you live in? Surely someone here would be knowledgeable about health services that you could access.

OP??

OP - You said: " I had my phone off and when I turned it on there was a text from a guy I've been talking to who lives a world away it seems saying he was going to come down here if he needs to."

Can you contact this person tonight?

OP are you here?

R68, I think OP is a troll. S/he has been so resolutely resistant to any of the good advice offered. While i know that depression is characterized by a sense of hopelessness, OP is wallowing to a suspicious degree. Maybe someone genuinely in need will get some benefit from the comments, but in the end it's only a message board, not a hospital.

Well, then I feel for the second guy who wants to go hiking.

Second guy, join a meetup group in your area. Hikers are everywhere.

I'll be fine, but thanks for your thoughts R84.

OP seriously, can you check in let us know you're okay?

"My soul is dead, my heart is gone...." were one of OP's last messages 5 hours ago, r86. Doesn't sound good. I'm hoping he fell into a deep sleep due to exhaustion and we hear back tomorrow.

Well we did what we could.

Agree, r88.

OP, checking in again to see if you're okay. Please let us know.

Silence, R90. Disengaged.

OP's Last Post: "I just wish whatever it is will happen soon. My soul is dead, my heart is gone, my brain is scrambled, yet my body continues."

Very disturbing. A lot of pain and anguish.

Hugs to OP.

Let's hope it was a troll. But a lot of the suggestions are spot on.

I hope OP is okay. I'm stuck in a similar hole at the moment, and it is awful.

As long as you know that help is available and you're not alone.

So sorry to hear that. . How are you doing, r95 as well as coping?

R97 I just want to get back onto meds (I got taken off them after a bad reaction to Cymbalta) and then go from there. I spend most of my time just surfing the internet all day, although I have managed to get myself outside a few times over the last few weeks.

That's a great start, r98. Find an alternative medication that is more effective. And the fact you are trying to make an effort to get outside, walk, get fresh air, change your environment for a few moments.....these are all incredibly positive steps, r98.

With the good weather approaching, and opportunities to get outside, perhaps this might reduce your time/energy on the internet too.

Good luck, R98.

R99, R100 thanks guys!