Jealous?
I am a Christian, but I never get worked up over any of these predictions. My old country preacher, when I was growing up, told us if someone tells you when they know the world will end, they are crazy or lying, and why would you want to trust a crazy person or a lier? The Bible says he will come like a thief in the night, have you ever heard of a thief that calls and warns you beforehand?
by Anonymous | reply 1 | April 21, 2018 4:14 AM |
If the evangelicals evaporate on 4/23, that would be a good thing.
If they are here on 4/24, it's just more of the same from those hypocritical crackpots.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | April 21, 2018 4:26 AM |
This Bible code nonsense is nothing but numerology, and false prophecy. It is blasphemy and witchcraft.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | April 21, 2018 4:33 AM |
Reminds me.of Y2K, can’t tell you the.numbers of people who were worried that “something bad” would happen. I pointed out to my bible-beating friends that throughout history, people have been convinced the end was near. And yet, here we are. The sun shines in the morning, and another day goes on. And so it will be with this,
by Anonymous | reply 4 | April 21, 2018 4:44 AM |
R3, witches don't predict the end of the world. We leave that to Christians. The world has existed for more than 4 billion years and will continue to exist, in all likelihood. If there is anything like a rapture, it will more likely be all the foolish, unevolved and evil who go away, and they will likely be leaving their bodies behind. But I don't think even that will happen.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | April 21, 2018 4:45 AM |
Santorum, Huckaber and Palin are going to be so pissed when Obama, Hilary and Mueller are selected and they are still stuck here?
by Anonymous | reply 6 | April 21, 2018 4:46 AM |
[Quote][R3], witches don't predict the end of the world. We leave that to Christians.
Ha, ha, jokes on you. Christians are actually witches pretending to be Christians.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | April 21, 2018 3:44 PM |
There's a sucker born every minute.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | April 21, 2018 4:11 PM |
as long as I don't have to go to work... it's all good
by Anonymous | reply 9 | April 21, 2018 4:17 PM |
These predictions always get my hopes up but then nothing ever happens
by Anonymous | reply 10 | April 21, 2018 4:42 PM |
I thought it was supposed to be the 18th.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | April 21, 2018 4:44 PM |
Just fyi, but this is not a numerology-based prediction, but an astronomical one.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | April 21, 2018 4:53 PM |
OP, can I have your stuff?
by Anonymous | reply 13 | April 21, 2018 7:25 PM |
Hope it happens early in the morning, before we get to work, instead of while we're at work.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | April 21, 2018 9:00 PM |
It would be kind of cool to pull a prank on someone who is a believer. Get the neighbors involved by having everyone put a set of clothes out somewhere around the house, down apartment hallways, etc. so when the nutter emerges in the morning, he'll think he was left behind. Isn't the rapture supposed to whisk people out of their clothing as they're sucked up into heavens?
by Anonymous | reply 15 | April 21, 2018 9:07 PM |
Only God the Father knows when the world will end and Jesus will return.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | April 21, 2018 9:34 PM |
"Hey pops, when's da world gonna end?"
by Anonymous | reply 17 | April 21, 2018 10:23 PM |
I wonder what happened to that guy who gave away all his possessions in anticipation of Camping's predicted rapture in 2011?
by Anonymous | reply 18 | April 21, 2018 10:28 PM |
Could they put it off until after my birthday?
by Anonymous | reply 19 | April 21, 2018 10:32 PM |
Can we put in a special request for Donald DUMP to be raptured?
We'll pay extra!
by Anonymous | reply 20 | April 21, 2018 11:51 PM |
Whenever there's talk of rapture, I'm reminded of the "SixFeet Under" opening with the floating sex dolls. I wonder how much grief they got for that episode?
by Anonymous | reply 22 | April 22, 2018 1:20 AM |
What will be on our IPod?
by Anonymous | reply 23 | April 22, 2018 1:29 AM |
The way life is right now, i really wouldn’t mind. Rapture away.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | April 22, 2018 1:31 AM |
R12, it's an astrological prediction, not an astronomical one.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | April 22, 2018 1:40 AM |
R23, Stop the, World, I want to get off!
by Anonymous | reply 26 | April 22, 2018 2:32 AM |
Damn it! If I’d known the world was coming to an end I wouldn’t have scrubbed my kitchen floor today.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | April 22, 2018 3:09 AM |
Well think about it. At least we get to learn about a new planet and that volcanic ash this summer will make for great video.....
by Anonymous | reply 28 | April 22, 2018 3:29 AM |
Makes me want to rewatch that parks and rec episode about the lizard god coming to destroy the world. 😂
by Anonymous | reply 29 | April 22, 2018 3:49 AM |
by Anonymous | reply 30 | April 22, 2018 8:14 PM |
"[R12], it's an astrological prediction, not an astronomical one."
No, it would be astrology if it said the date of our births had some sort of impact on the events of our lives. It is astronomical because it is about when the stars are in a certain position from our terrestrial position.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | April 22, 2018 8:17 PM |
Someone should sell the evangelicals some “Rapture Juice” to drink the day of.
They can use Jim Jones’ recipe.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | April 22, 2018 8:22 PM |
They better hurry up and arrest Hillary before this happens!
by Anonymous | reply 34 | April 22, 2018 8:24 PM |
I'll get her soon enough.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | April 22, 2018 8:35 PM |
But I've put in for a vacation in May already. This is really inconvenient.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | April 22, 2018 8:52 PM |
R32 ?
[quote] One theory suggests the end times dates back to astrological constellations appearing on November 23, matching the book of Revelation 12:1-2.
[quote] On April 23, the sun and moon will be in Virgo, as will Jupiter, which represents the Messiah.
[quote] He said: “During this time frame, on April 23, 2018 the moon appears under the feet of the Constellation Virgo.
Sounds like pure Astrology to me.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | April 22, 2018 8:56 PM |
No, that's not astrology. That is generic crackpot interpretation of passages in Revelation applying to legitimate astronomical events. The sun and moon will actually appear to us within the stars that make up Virgo.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | April 22, 2018 9:01 PM |
The sun is in Virgo in Aug-Sept. What sorta crackpot nonsense is this?
by Anonymous | reply 39 | April 22, 2018 9:05 PM |
OK...I'll give you they may have gotten their astronomy wrong...but it is still astronomy.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | April 22, 2018 9:06 PM |
And regardless, anything which attaches importance to the planets being in certain zodiac signs is astrology.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | April 22, 2018 9:06 PM |
The rapture can’t happen soon enough. Let’s get rid of these fundies.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | April 22, 2018 10:22 PM |
Mother fucker. Had I know this, I would have filed an extension on my federal taxes and not paid them on 4.17!
by Anonymous | reply 43 | April 22, 2018 11:23 PM |
Which time zone? It's already Monday in a large part of the world.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | April 23, 2018 12:55 AM |
[quote]The rapture can’t happen soon enough. Let’s get rid of these fundies.
Unfortunately, we go down with them if they're right, and they only have to be right once for us all to be screwed.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | April 23, 2018 1:20 AM |
Good to hear. I'm tired of working.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | April 23, 2018 1:22 AM |
I'm off so I guess I'll get to see all he godly folks floating up? Is that how this works? Definitely know I'm not saved I love sucking cock way too much for that.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | April 23, 2018 1:24 AM |
I'm in a quandary...what does one, who is a member of the smart set, wear to a Rapture? Shorts too casual? White bucks acceptable? Sport coat?
by Anonymous | reply 48 | April 23, 2018 1:33 AM |
Crikey, wherever am I able to get baptised before tomorrow?
by Anonymous | reply 49 | April 23, 2018 1:36 AM |
Go to a synagogue instead.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | April 23, 2018 1:37 AM |
Sports coat and tie at the least, R48.
Considering you are going to meet God, I would suggest dressing as if you are going to church. Which you are, just in heaven, not on earth. The heavenly choir is said to be really great - Jimi, Janis, Prince and many other soloists. But don’t dress as if you’re going to a rock concert. This is “House of the Lord” attire.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | April 23, 2018 1:38 AM |
Sheryl Crow famously sang "a change will do you good". And this was what she was talking about.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | April 23, 2018 1:40 AM |
Just here to say that one of the previous "rapture" threads a few years ago was perhaps the funniest thread I ever read here...something about a malfunctioning toaster and leaving out clothes on lawns...
by Anonymous | reply 53 | April 23, 2018 1:41 AM |
by Anonymous | reply 54 | April 23, 2018 1:41 AM |
I hope not, I have to watch the last digimon tri movie next week.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | April 23, 2018 1:43 AM |
I just sent a note to my Australian cousin. It's Monday there and he hasn't noticed anything unusual. However, he notes that he works with a group of reprobates who are unlikely to be raptured so if it has happened he hasn't noticed.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | April 23, 2018 2:28 AM |
The righteous Christians and Jews will be able to escape the despicable true deplorables, the Muslims.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | April 23, 2018 2:28 AM |
On what would have been Shirley Temple's 90th birthday ? Heaven forbid !
by Anonymous | reply 59 | April 23, 2018 2:30 AM |
R51, oh honey, I hate to tell you this, but we're not going to be seeing God anywhere around these parts. It's Tribulation for us.
by Anonymous | reply 60 | April 23, 2018 2:49 AM |
Already heard of quite a few in Australia and NZ. Just the clothes left behind. Rumors about a handful in Japan. India & Central Asia should be reporting in shortly. Nothing from China yet.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | April 23, 2018 2:52 AM |
Really R61? You wouldn't have a link to this earth shattering news would you?
by Anonymous | reply 62 | April 23, 2018 2:55 AM |
Isn’t this shit supposed to happen like every couple months or something. Completely ridiculous.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | April 23, 2018 2:57 AM |
It's like that massive solar flair we were supposed to have in March, but didn't, or the solar eclipse that was supposed to be off by hundreds of miles, but wasn't. It's all the same recycled YouTube bullshit.
by Anonymous | reply 64 | April 23, 2018 3:01 AM |
R15, now that would be funny.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | April 23, 2018 3:05 AM |
[R62] Just joking.
Lost on an idiot like you who doesn't even understand that the concept of the Rapture has 19th century origins.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | April 23, 2018 3:09 AM |
Jokes are supposed to be funny. Your comment is just odd.
by Anonymous | reply 67 | April 23, 2018 3:11 AM |
Oh, and I was raised in the Rapture tradition. You can't tell me anything I don't already know about it, and haven't heard over and over again.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | April 23, 2018 3:16 AM |
OMG I think I hear the trumpets!
by Anonymous | reply 69 | April 23, 2018 3:22 AM |
I was taught this crap as a kid.
Imagine being 8 years old, and being terrified every night that your entire family would disappear, and you’d be left behind to fend for yourself while the great tribulation takes place.
Then I was told that if I was left behind, and didn’t take the mark of the beast, I’d be decapitated, and then perhaps I’d make it to heaven under the martyrdom clause.
Fast forward to the release of Kirk Cameron’s “Left Behind”. A bunch of us watched it during a ski trip weekend, while smoking copious amounts of Indica, cigarettes, snorting lines, and drinking Jaegermeister.
Probably one of the funniest movies ever made. Too bad the Christians never “got it”, Kirk included. What a fucking delusional asswipe.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | April 23, 2018 3:26 AM |
R70 That must have been horrid. I would be scared too had I been taught that. Despite trolls here on DL, glad I was born a Jew and raised liberally in a not-so-religious home. The "messiah" has to have come already for this fresh shit called rapture to come to pass!
by Anonymous | reply 72 | April 23, 2018 3:36 AM |
19 minutes. I should probably put some pants on.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | April 23, 2018 3:41 AM |
Well, naked was certainly good enough coming into this world, so I'd keep on free ballin'R73!
by Anonymous | reply 74 | April 23, 2018 3:44 AM |
Oh crap, I was busy watching 'Always Sunny in Philadelphia' clips on YouTube. I missed The Rapture! Oh well, I never did get around to putting on pants.
by Anonymous | reply 75 | April 23, 2018 4:04 AM |
If you live in a fundie neighborhood, take old clothes and place them here and there, making sure to do complete outfits. A hat is a nice touch. Then tell your neighbors they've been left behind.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | April 23, 2018 4:08 AM |
FILM AT 11 !
by Anonymous | reply 77 | April 23, 2018 4:08 AM |
Did I miss it?
by Anonymous | reply 78 | April 24, 2018 1:46 AM |
Are we there yet?
by Anonymous | reply 79 | April 24, 2018 1:49 AM |
Only Kirk Cameron knows.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | April 24, 2018 1:50 AM |
Let's tally the score for the number of "Rapture" predictions that have been correct:
And the total is... *drumroll, please* ..... ZERO!!!
That's right! Absolutely NO RAPTURE PREDICTIONS have been correct.
Have a nice night, everyone.
Thread closed.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | April 24, 2018 1:54 AM |
So sad. I want my money back if I'm alive at 33.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | April 24, 2018 1:55 AM |
Actually, R81, the rapture happened years ago and we're the ones who didn't make it.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | April 24, 2018 1:58 AM |
[quote]I'm in a quandary...what does one, who is a member of the smart set, wear to a Rapture? Shorts too casual? White bucks acceptable? Sport coat?
A caftan is always appropriate for all social situations.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | April 24, 2018 1:58 AM |
I think I’m in love with r76
by Anonymous | reply 85 | April 24, 2018 2:07 AM |
R83, well, the The Tribulation would explain the orange nightmare in the White House. Hmm, I wonder if we'll all be in the 25% of humanity that survives?
by Anonymous | reply 86 | April 24, 2018 2:10 AM |
It's 10:15pm on the east coast.
Is it safe to come out from under the bed?
by Anonymous | reply 87 | April 24, 2018 2:17 AM |
None of you bitches made it, did you?
I did, and I’m currently posting from Heaven!
And yes, you can have all of my things.
by Anonymous | reply 88 | April 24, 2018 2:29 AM |
I too was raptured, and met r88 at the "Welcome Newbies Cocktail Reception and Corn Boil." It's not very Christian of me, but I must say r88 is a complete asshole.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | April 24, 2018 2:52 AM |
I got ruptured. If I can make it through the post-Rapture Armageddon traffic, I have a Dr's appointment on Wednesday.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | April 24, 2018 2:58 AM |
The Rapture, a film with Mimi Rogers is pretty good.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | April 24, 2018 3:49 AM |
⏳ Nine Minutes and Counting . . . . . . . . . .
by Anonymous | reply 92 | April 24, 2018 3:53 AM |
One minute ... tick tock, tick tock.
by Anonymous | reply 93 | April 24, 2018 3:59 AM |
I got raptured to Hell. I'm hoping it's a mistake, but I'm not holding my breath. It's not as bad as you'd think except they have Taylor Swift on a loop down here. The dirty martinis are to die for, though.
by Anonymous | reply 94 | April 24, 2018 4:46 AM |
Say hi to Phyllis Schlafly for me, R94. In fact, don’t say hi, just kick her in the cuntbone.
by Anonymous | reply 95 | April 24, 2018 4:57 AM |
So, wait... they have DL in hell?
by Anonymous | reply 96 | April 24, 2018 5:05 AM |
How can that be a surprise, r96? What shocks me is that they have DL in Heaven.
by Anonymous | reply 97 | April 24, 2018 5:07 AM |
Ok, any chance we can we have a do-over?
by Anonymous | reply 98 | April 27, 2018 12:01 AM |
[quote] So, wait... they have DL in hell?
Of course. Angels can't stand our fabulousness being all dressed up in earrings and caftans.
by Anonymous | reply 99 | April 27, 2018 12:05 AM |
Not saying Cosby is innocent or anything, just that the reason he is in the position he's in is because he thought he was a made-man in the cabal, and they would continue to protect him over the decades because they were doing (and still are) the exact same thing. WRONG. Hannibal Buress most likely was deployed to rekindle the dormant accusations by way of a joke and the media controllers were waiting in the wings to make sure the story got traction. The endgame is to take down all our iconic idols (corn fed, world class athlete, Bruce Jenner is now a woman), leaving society demoralized and that much more fragmented. This is premiere social engineering.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | April 27, 2018 1:17 AM |
[quote] Rapture Happens On Monday - 4/23
Well? I'm waiting!
by Anonymous | reply 101 | April 27, 2018 7:47 AM |
Maybe there was a rapture and nobody qualified.
by Anonymous | reply 102 | April 27, 2018 8:17 AM |
[quote] Maybe there was a rapture and nobody qualified.
What you talking about? This Rapture has worked out quite well for me!
by Anonymous | reply 103 | April 27, 2018 8:20 AM |
***UPDATE***
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Meade has revised his prediction to sometime between now and November. Thanks God, right in the middle of Sweeps!
by Anonymous | reply 104 | April 27, 2018 8:23 AM |
Dang. I should panic, stock up some food, and punch some punks out of my way and rush to safety!
WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!
by Anonymous | reply 105 | April 27, 2018 8:27 AM |