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Rapture Happens On Monday - 4/23

Jealous?

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by Anonymousreply 105April 27, 2018 8:27 AM

I am a Christian, but I never get worked up over any of these predictions. My old country preacher, when I was growing up, told us if someone tells you when they know the world will end, they are crazy or lying, and why would you want to trust a crazy person or a lier? The Bible says he will come like a thief in the night, have you ever heard of a thief that calls and warns you beforehand?

by Anonymousreply 1April 21, 2018 4:14 AM

If the evangelicals evaporate on 4/23, that would be a good thing.

If they are here on 4/24, it's just more of the same from those hypocritical crackpots.

by Anonymousreply 2April 21, 2018 4:26 AM

This Bible code nonsense is nothing but numerology, and false prophecy. It is blasphemy and witchcraft.

by Anonymousreply 3April 21, 2018 4:33 AM

Reminds me.of Y2K, can’t tell you the.numbers of people who were worried that “something bad” would happen. I pointed out to my bible-beating friends that throughout history, people have been convinced the end was near. And yet, here we are. The sun shines in the morning, and another day goes on. And so it will be with this,

by Anonymousreply 4April 21, 2018 4:44 AM

R3, witches don't predict the end of the world. We leave that to Christians. The world has existed for more than 4 billion years and will continue to exist, in all likelihood. If there is anything like a rapture, it will more likely be all the foolish, unevolved and evil who go away, and they will likely be leaving their bodies behind. But I don't think even that will happen.

by Anonymousreply 5April 21, 2018 4:45 AM

Santorum, Huckaber and Palin are going to be so pissed when Obama, Hilary and Mueller are selected and they are still stuck here?

by Anonymousreply 6April 21, 2018 4:46 AM

[Quote][R3], witches don't predict the end of the world. We leave that to Christians.

Ha, ha, jokes on you. Christians are actually witches pretending to be Christians.

by Anonymousreply 7April 21, 2018 3:44 PM

There's a sucker born every minute.

by Anonymousreply 8April 21, 2018 4:11 PM

as long as I don't have to go to work... it's all good

by Anonymousreply 9April 21, 2018 4:17 PM

These predictions always get my hopes up but then nothing ever happens

by Anonymousreply 10April 21, 2018 4:42 PM

I thought it was supposed to be the 18th.

by Anonymousreply 11April 21, 2018 4:44 PM

Just fyi, but this is not a numerology-based prediction, but an astronomical one.

by Anonymousreply 12April 21, 2018 4:53 PM

OP, can I have your stuff?

by Anonymousreply 13April 21, 2018 7:25 PM

Hope it happens early in the morning, before we get to work, instead of while we're at work.

by Anonymousreply 14April 21, 2018 9:00 PM

It would be kind of cool to pull a prank on someone who is a believer. Get the neighbors involved by having everyone put a set of clothes out somewhere around the house, down apartment hallways, etc. so when the nutter emerges in the morning, he'll think he was left behind. Isn't the rapture supposed to whisk people out of their clothing as they're sucked up into heavens?

by Anonymousreply 15April 21, 2018 9:07 PM

Only God the Father knows when the world will end and Jesus will return.

by Anonymousreply 16April 21, 2018 9:34 PM

"Hey pops, when's da world gonna end?"

by Anonymousreply 17April 21, 2018 10:23 PM

I wonder what happened to that guy who gave away all his possessions in anticipation of Camping's predicted rapture in 2011?

by Anonymousreply 18April 21, 2018 10:28 PM

Could they put it off until after my birthday?

by Anonymousreply 19April 21, 2018 10:32 PM

Can we put in a special request for Donald DUMP to be raptured?

We'll pay extra!

by Anonymousreply 20April 21, 2018 11:51 PM

Prepping

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by Anonymousreply 21April 21, 2018 11:56 PM

Whenever there's talk of rapture, I'm reminded of the "SixFeet Under" opening with the floating sex dolls. I wonder how much grief they got for that episode?

by Anonymousreply 22April 22, 2018 1:20 AM

What will be on our IPod?

by Anonymousreply 23April 22, 2018 1:29 AM

The way life is right now, i really wouldn’t mind. Rapture away.

by Anonymousreply 24April 22, 2018 1:31 AM

R12, it's an astrological prediction, not an astronomical one.

by Anonymousreply 25April 22, 2018 1:40 AM

R23, Stop the, World, I want to get off!

by Anonymousreply 26April 22, 2018 2:32 AM

Damn it! If I’d known the world was coming to an end I wouldn’t have scrubbed my kitchen floor today.

by Anonymousreply 27April 22, 2018 3:09 AM

Well think about it. At least we get to learn about a new planet and that volcanic ash this summer will make for great video.....

by Anonymousreply 28April 22, 2018 3:29 AM

Makes me want to rewatch that parks and rec episode about the lizard god coming to destroy the world. 😂

by Anonymousreply 29April 22, 2018 3:49 AM
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by Anonymousreply 30April 22, 2018 8:14 PM

Not if I have anything to do with it.

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by Anonymousreply 31April 22, 2018 8:16 PM

"[R12], it's an astrological prediction, not an astronomical one."

No, it would be astrology if it said the date of our births had some sort of impact on the events of our lives. It is astronomical because it is about when the stars are in a certain position from our terrestrial position.

by Anonymousreply 32April 22, 2018 8:17 PM

Someone should sell the evangelicals some “Rapture Juice” to drink the day of.

They can use Jim Jones’ recipe.

by Anonymousreply 33April 22, 2018 8:22 PM

They better hurry up and arrest Hillary before this happens!

by Anonymousreply 34April 22, 2018 8:24 PM

I'll get her soon enough.

by Anonymousreply 35April 22, 2018 8:35 PM

But I've put in for a vacation in May already. This is really inconvenient.

by Anonymousreply 36April 22, 2018 8:52 PM

R32 ?

[quote] One theory suggests the end times dates back to astrological constellations appearing on November 23, matching the book of Revelation 12:1-2.

[quote] On April 23, the sun and moon will be in Virgo, as will Jupiter, which represents the Messiah.

[quote] He said: “During this time frame, on April 23, 2018 the moon appears under the feet of the Constellation Virgo.

Sounds like pure Astrology to me.

by Anonymousreply 37April 22, 2018 8:56 PM

No, that's not astrology. That is generic crackpot interpretation of passages in Revelation applying to legitimate astronomical events. The sun and moon will actually appear to us within the stars that make up Virgo.

by Anonymousreply 38April 22, 2018 9:01 PM

The sun is in Virgo in Aug-Sept. What sorta crackpot nonsense is this?

by Anonymousreply 39April 22, 2018 9:05 PM

OK...I'll give you they may have gotten their astronomy wrong...but it is still astronomy.

by Anonymousreply 40April 22, 2018 9:06 PM

And regardless, anything which attaches importance to the planets being in certain zodiac signs is astrology.

by Anonymousreply 41April 22, 2018 9:06 PM

The rapture can’t happen soon enough. Let’s get rid of these fundies.

by Anonymousreply 42April 22, 2018 10:22 PM

Mother fucker. Had I know this, I would have filed an extension on my federal taxes and not paid them on 4.17!

by Anonymousreply 43April 22, 2018 11:23 PM

Which time zone? It's already Monday in a large part of the world.

by Anonymousreply 44April 23, 2018 12:55 AM

[quote]The rapture can’t happen soon enough. Let’s get rid of these fundies.

Unfortunately, we go down with them if they're right, and they only have to be right once for us all to be screwed.

by Anonymousreply 45April 23, 2018 1:20 AM

Good to hear. I'm tired of working.

by Anonymousreply 46April 23, 2018 1:22 AM

I'm off so I guess I'll get to see all he godly folks floating up? Is that how this works? Definitely know I'm not saved I love sucking cock way too much for that.

by Anonymousreply 47April 23, 2018 1:24 AM

I'm in a quandary...what does one, who is a member of the smart set, wear to a Rapture? Shorts too casual? White bucks acceptable? Sport coat?

by Anonymousreply 48April 23, 2018 1:33 AM

Crikey, wherever am I able to get baptised before tomorrow?

by Anonymousreply 49April 23, 2018 1:36 AM

Go to a synagogue instead.

by Anonymousreply 50April 23, 2018 1:37 AM

Sports coat and tie at the least, R48.

Considering you are going to meet God, I would suggest dressing as if you are going to church. Which you are, just in heaven, not on earth. The heavenly choir is said to be really great - Jimi, Janis, Prince and many other soloists. But don’t dress as if you’re going to a rock concert. This is “House of the Lord” attire.

by Anonymousreply 51April 23, 2018 1:38 AM

Sheryl Crow famously sang "a change will do you good". And this was what she was talking about.

by Anonymousreply 52April 23, 2018 1:40 AM

Just here to say that one of the previous "rapture" threads a few years ago was perhaps the funniest thread I ever read here...something about a malfunctioning toaster and leaving out clothes on lawns...

by Anonymousreply 53April 23, 2018 1:41 AM
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by Anonymousreply 54April 23, 2018 1:41 AM

I hope not, I have to watch the last digimon tri movie next week.

by Anonymousreply 55April 23, 2018 1:43 AM

Can I be raptured out if this stupid outfit?

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by Anonymousreply 56April 23, 2018 1:48 AM

I just sent a note to my Australian cousin. It's Monday there and he hasn't noticed anything unusual. However, he notes that he works with a group of reprobates who are unlikely to be raptured so if it has happened he hasn't noticed.

by Anonymousreply 57April 23, 2018 2:28 AM

The righteous Christians and Jews will be able to escape the despicable true deplorables, the Muslims.

by Anonymousreply 58April 23, 2018 2:28 AM

On what would have been Shirley Temple's 90th birthday ? Heaven forbid !

by Anonymousreply 59April 23, 2018 2:30 AM

R51, oh honey, I hate to tell you this, but we're not going to be seeing God anywhere around these parts. It's Tribulation for us.

by Anonymousreply 60April 23, 2018 2:49 AM

Already heard of quite a few in Australia and NZ. Just the clothes left behind. Rumors about a handful in Japan. India & Central Asia should be reporting in shortly. Nothing from China yet.

by Anonymousreply 61April 23, 2018 2:52 AM

Really R61? You wouldn't have a link to this earth shattering news would you?

by Anonymousreply 62April 23, 2018 2:55 AM

Isn’t this shit supposed to happen like every couple months or something. Completely ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 63April 23, 2018 2:57 AM

It's like that massive solar flair we were supposed to have in March, but didn't, or the solar eclipse that was supposed to be off by hundreds of miles, but wasn't. It's all the same recycled YouTube bullshit.

by Anonymousreply 64April 23, 2018 3:01 AM

R15, now that would be funny.

by Anonymousreply 65April 23, 2018 3:05 AM

[R62] Just joking.

Lost on an idiot like you who doesn't even understand that the concept of the Rapture has 19th century origins.

by Anonymousreply 66April 23, 2018 3:09 AM

Jokes are supposed to be funny. Your comment is just odd.

by Anonymousreply 67April 23, 2018 3:11 AM

Oh, and I was raised in the Rapture tradition. You can't tell me anything I don't already know about it, and haven't heard over and over again.

by Anonymousreply 68April 23, 2018 3:16 AM

OMG I think I hear the trumpets!

by Anonymousreply 69April 23, 2018 3:22 AM

I was taught this crap as a kid.

Imagine being 8 years old, and being terrified every night that your entire family would disappear, and you’d be left behind to fend for yourself while the great tribulation takes place.

Then I was told that if I was left behind, and didn’t take the mark of the beast, I’d be decapitated, and then perhaps I’d make it to heaven under the martyrdom clause.

Fast forward to the release of Kirk Cameron’s “Left Behind”. A bunch of us watched it during a ski trip weekend, while smoking copious amounts of Indica, cigarettes, snorting lines, and drinking Jaegermeister.

Probably one of the funniest movies ever made. Too bad the Christians never “got it”, Kirk included. What a fucking delusional asswipe.

by Anonymousreply 70April 23, 2018 3:26 AM

I'm guessing this is you right now, R69.

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by Anonymousreply 71April 23, 2018 3:27 AM

R70 That must have been horrid. I would be scared too had I been taught that. Despite trolls here on DL, glad I was born a Jew and raised liberally in a not-so-religious home. The "messiah" has to have come already for this fresh shit called rapture to come to pass!

by Anonymousreply 72April 23, 2018 3:36 AM

19 minutes. I should probably put some pants on.

by Anonymousreply 73April 23, 2018 3:41 AM

Well, naked was certainly good enough coming into this world, so I'd keep on free ballin'R73!

by Anonymousreply 74April 23, 2018 3:44 AM

Oh crap, I was busy watching 'Always Sunny in Philadelphia' clips on YouTube. I missed The Rapture! Oh well, I never did get around to putting on pants.

by Anonymousreply 75April 23, 2018 4:04 AM

If you live in a fundie neighborhood, take old clothes and place them here and there, making sure to do complete outfits. A hat is a nice touch. Then tell your neighbors they've been left behind.

by Anonymousreply 76April 23, 2018 4:08 AM

FILM AT 11 !

by Anonymousreply 77April 23, 2018 4:08 AM

Did I miss it?

by Anonymousreply 78April 24, 2018 1:46 AM

Are we there yet?

by Anonymousreply 79April 24, 2018 1:49 AM

Only Kirk Cameron knows.

by Anonymousreply 80April 24, 2018 1:50 AM

Let's tally the score for the number of "Rapture" predictions that have been correct:

And the total is... *drumroll, please* ..... ZERO!!!

That's right! Absolutely NO RAPTURE PREDICTIONS have been correct.

Have a nice night, everyone.

Thread closed.

by Anonymousreply 81April 24, 2018 1:54 AM

So sad. I want my money back if I'm alive at 33.

by Anonymousreply 82April 24, 2018 1:55 AM

Actually, R81, the rapture happened years ago and we're the ones who didn't make it.

by Anonymousreply 83April 24, 2018 1:58 AM

[quote]I'm in a quandary...what does one, who is a member of the smart set, wear to a Rapture? Shorts too casual? White bucks acceptable? Sport coat?

A caftan is always appropriate for all social situations.

by Anonymousreply 84April 24, 2018 1:58 AM

I think I’m in love with r76

by Anonymousreply 85April 24, 2018 2:07 AM

R83, well, the The Tribulation would explain the orange nightmare in the White House. Hmm, I wonder if we'll all be in the 25% of humanity that survives?

by Anonymousreply 86April 24, 2018 2:10 AM

It's 10:15pm on the east coast.

Is it safe to come out from under the bed?

by Anonymousreply 87April 24, 2018 2:17 AM

None of you bitches made it, did you?

I did, and I’m currently posting from Heaven!

And yes, you can have all of my things.

by Anonymousreply 88April 24, 2018 2:29 AM

I too was raptured, and met r88 at the "Welcome Newbies Cocktail Reception and Corn Boil." It's not very Christian of me, but I must say r88 is a complete asshole.

by Anonymousreply 89April 24, 2018 2:52 AM

I got ruptured. If I can make it through the post-Rapture Armageddon traffic, I have a Dr's appointment on Wednesday.

by Anonymousreply 90April 24, 2018 2:58 AM

The Rapture, a film with Mimi Rogers is pretty good.

by Anonymousreply 91April 24, 2018 3:49 AM

⏳ Nine Minutes and Counting . . . . . . . . . .

by Anonymousreply 92April 24, 2018 3:53 AM

One minute ... tick tock, tick tock.

by Anonymousreply 93April 24, 2018 3:59 AM

I got raptured to Hell. I'm hoping it's a mistake, but I'm not holding my breath. It's not as bad as you'd think except they have Taylor Swift on a loop down here. The dirty martinis are to die for, though.

by Anonymousreply 94April 24, 2018 4:46 AM

Say hi to Phyllis Schlafly for me, R94. In fact, don’t say hi, just kick her in the cuntbone.

by Anonymousreply 95April 24, 2018 4:57 AM

So, wait... they have DL in hell?

by Anonymousreply 96April 24, 2018 5:05 AM

How can that be a surprise, r96? What shocks me is that they have DL in Heaven.

by Anonymousreply 97April 24, 2018 5:07 AM

Ok, any chance we can we have a do-over?

by Anonymousreply 98April 27, 2018 12:01 AM

[quote] So, wait... they have DL in hell?

Of course. Angels can't stand our fabulousness being all dressed up in earrings and caftans.

by Anonymousreply 99April 27, 2018 12:05 AM

Not saying Cosby is innocent or anything, just that the reason he is in the position he's in is because he thought he was a made-man in the cabal, and they would continue to protect him over the decades because they were doing (and still are) the exact same thing. WRONG. Hannibal Buress most likely was deployed to rekindle the dormant accusations by way of a joke and the media controllers were waiting in the wings to make sure the story got traction. The endgame is to take down all our iconic idols (corn fed, world class athlete, Bruce Jenner is now a woman), leaving society demoralized and that much more fragmented. This is premiere social engineering.

by Anonymousreply 100April 27, 2018 1:17 AM

[quote] Rapture Happens On Monday - 4/23

Well? I'm waiting!

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by Anonymousreply 101April 27, 2018 7:47 AM

Maybe there was a rapture and nobody qualified.

by Anonymousreply 102April 27, 2018 8:17 AM

[quote] Maybe there was a rapture and nobody qualified.

What you talking about? This Rapture has worked out quite well for me!

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by Anonymousreply 103April 27, 2018 8:20 AM

***UPDATE***

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Meade has revised his prediction to sometime between now and November. Thanks God, right in the middle of Sweeps!

by Anonymousreply 104April 27, 2018 8:23 AM

Dang. I should panic, stock up some food, and punch some punks out of my way and rush to safety!

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 105April 27, 2018 8:27 AM
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