Is anyone else here really sad tonight?

Yeah OP, I’ve been down lately. In my case I know the reason why I’m depressed (met a guy, he’s not interested/involved with someone else).

Are you depressed for a known reason or did it just come out of nowhere?

Not tonight, but I'll catch up to you eventually. Promise.

Same here too. I used to love watching movies and now none of them even interest me.

Maybe you just need a good sleep tonight and a long walk in nature tomorrow? Depression sucks and I hope you're back to normal soon.

Chiron is about to enter Aries and appparently it has a lot of people feeling out of sorts. Right now it’s at like 29 degrees Pisces.

sorry, OP. I spent the day in bed like many weekends, but hoping I'll feel better when spring actually arrives. There seems to be nothing good to live for or enjoy.

[quote]Chiron is about to enter Aries

Has Aries sufficient lube?

Please guys. Antidepressants, ok?

I feel you OP

I'm taking Cymbalta/duloxetine, r8. I'm not depressed. But I'm either crazy tired or I stay up all night. It has fucked my sleep schedule in the ass.

OP, hang in there. I've been there. Alone and depressed. I've also spent nights crying and wondering what there was to live for. Then, I started seeing a counselor, who suggested I try to find a support group to see if that would help my depression. I found this wonderful group, Prime Timers, a world-wide organization for gay men for friendship, social support and having fun together (no, not the sexual type of fun). This was the best thing I've ever done in my life. While this group is generally made up of older gays (I'm 65), it's actually open to anyone over 21. I will admit that our group is one of the most active and supportive chapters. Our group is composed of about 60 men, probably 80 percent are married (yes to each other) or partnered. When I joined, I was sitting at home all the time and having recently moved into the area, didn't have any friends. This group gave me instant friends and now we do various activities each week. While these activities don't sound exciting (cards, bowling, Bocce , going out to eat and various other social events), it's the comradery and laughter we have with each other that makes being part of this group so worthwhile. And even better, I am now in a great relationship with one of the single members. We get along great and I think I'm falling in love with this beautiful guy when I never thought I could find anyone again at my age. So don't give up hope. You have to find some friends and get involved with other people who support you. Regardless of your age, friends are the answer to loneliness. It may take time but it's well worth it. Good luck my friend.

OP- I feel you and felt me. Got on my antidepressants because I lost interest in everything and looked forward to nothing in life. I got a little Valium for anxiety and sleeplessness. I could not fight it no matter what I tried. Could not even read. Could not make up my mind and so I didn’t get out of bed. Also getting teeny bits of Ritalin for my old ADHD.

Better than brewing poppy seed tea for the morphine for sleep and tiny euphoria.

My dad has been in the hospital for two weeks and a relationship is ending and I have to move and I never have money and I shaved my chest incorrectly so it's itchy as hell.

However, my life tends to always go to shit in April and I rebound in the summer.

I'm almost always like this, R1, but usually not as bad as tonight. Just thinking about everything in life right now's too much, you know?? I realized that it will be a year tomorrow since I last saw my mom, and I'm lying here in bed sick, with no one that cares about me much at all. I have too much anxiety to make friends, so yeah, I'm probably just better off being alone. I started thinking about the past and about certain things. I'm tired of caring and trying. There's really no hope I don't think and after a while I wonder what the point of any of it is?? I don't want to wake up crying again but I probably will anyway.

I am by myself, too, OP and tired of lots of things. Hope you feel better and things get better.

R14 Big hug & cuddles to you through the Internet. Things will probably be better tomorrow. You may have just needed the crying jag to get things cleared out. Take a long hot bath when you get up tomorrow and drink lots of coffee. Put on some of your favourite clothes and force yourself to go out and have some human contact.

Dealing with a bad bout of depression myself since February. I had my dosage of Prozac increased and I'm in counseling. I wish I could just shut off my overactive mind. I haven't felt this bad before and never for this long. It has me worried. Really trying to get my head around it. I hope the best for all of you that are also struggling. x

My mom has stage 4 lung cancer that has now spread. I have to drain fluid from her chest every night and tonight she passed out shortly after and we had to call an ambulance. I hate the idea of losing her but I hate to see her suffer like this, the tube in her chest causes her lots of pain.

Jesus Christ there are no happy people on DL. This ain't Disneyland. The sad, get mad. And the ones who cluster over to others because their kitty died or they feel sad tonite have good intentions but seem to miss out on the fact that they may be feeling fine but NO one comes to DL to share good news. It's more often about a celebrity or demi monde but this place is negative and combative. Stick to the music and movie threads is what I used to think but they are as ugly and mean and racist and attacking as any others here. DL was a good outlet for some fun but mostly it's negativity and reductive opinion. So don't deny your need for this place, even when you are feeling better. Try to create something more positive in the future here, even if it means modifying your own voice. You sound like an old baby to be honest, not having the time he expected. That's junior relationship woes. Maybe your primary relationship is with your computer? That sucks. If I'm right, change it. Stop whining. Antidepressants don't work but for a few people, the rest of us talk it out and wait it out. Even those old men playing bridge have a better chance. Don't give 'cuddles' to strangers over a web post. I bet you old men post very unkind things here all the time about others. Mean and "witty." Be better people. Accept that life hurts and you may need some help, but don't be so pathetic about it. You are not living in the world if you expect comfort from Datalounge. Love something more worthwhile. Jeez.

I’m a bit sad. I was laid off at a company I was at for eight years and formed great relationships at. Now, many people I thought were friends there will not respond to me. That hurts, but I am realizing the job hunt is not going that well. I am over 50 and single and not really sure what if anything is next for me. Trying to be optimistic, but a little scared.

Speak for yourself R19. I think those who have the courage to admit they are hurting or wounded or lonely might be grateful a stranger felt human enough to offer a hug to another hurting fellow human. You sound very cold.

I was without work for a while, and just recently got hired for an intern role in the profession I want to pursue (I think). And I'm 35, so that's something I could feel bad about... all the "wasted time"... but I've felt bad already, and for so long, that this is actually what looking up is like. It's given me a boost and a reason to feel happy. It's funny, it can take just one little thing for a mood to change. And start thinking about the future again. I'm collecting positive quotations and following Law of Attraction accounts and that's been somewhat helpful, too.

R19, live and let live.

I'm not cold and you haven't given a hug to anyone here R21. Typing H U G S is not giving a hug. Stop being a moron and forgetting what life is. It isn't courageous to wine about your chest hair growing in funny or your prozac script. Go to the places that cater to your obsessions. You are correct that there is nothing wrong about admitting you are hurting. But the OP started a thread about feeling blue. Plus my dude I am correct that you post unkind, argumentative, even hateful comments in other threads about nothing important at all! Then you vulture over to talk about kitties and depression. I'm not impressed with you. I'm warm hearted but cold blooded. I don't admire weak old men. Best of luck to you R21.

R24 likes to prey in the out of sorts and ejaculate on their legs.

R24 Knows everything.

Must be something in the air OP because I've been feeling like shit lately and I'm usually an optimistic guy.

What the fuck is going on?

My words verbatim R24 were: those with the courage to admit they are hurting might be grateful a stranger felt human enough to OFFER a hug to another hurting fellow human. Key word , OFFER. Whyever do my words of compassion bother you so? I feel sad for all the people hurting on this thread, not just OP. To the bloke nursing his mother @ R18, I would offer you a hug as well as the laid-off gent @ R20. You really are not helping anyone to feel better at all here R24

R24 Furthermore I don't "talk on here" as you so eloquently tried to put forward, about kitties and depression. I do believe you are confusing me with another poster; though it makes no real difference to me.

Yes. I just found out my rent is to be tripled.

Try DHEA supplements. Your hormones are probably fucked. It's testosterone. Gives you drive. Gumption. When you can't pull out of a funk it's usually hormonal. Fall asleep to self help hypnosis of your choice and reprogram your mind. Plenty on YouTube. Goodluck.

R28, R29, R16 and those other posts of yours. Did I once say I was here to offer comfort? Why are you so obsessed with my posts? Because there is truth in them and you defend yourself against unwanted truths. You might continue but I won't be here to read it or see it. I didn't offer comfort, I gave something better. Wisdom and sense and the complement of true understanding. You're all welcome.

Mercury retrograde. This one has been awful. Really fucks with your head.

First and foremost, we are social animals. Our species continues to exists BECAUSE we are empathetic by nature. Any other animal that gave birth to such needy offspring would perish. We are inherently dependent on kindness. We are pre-wired to need hugs, cuddles, and other such intimacies. So OP I send you a virtual hug - because that is all I can offer thru this forum. You are NOT alone.

Tonight is the 106th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.

Hoping for better vibes in the coming days for everyone here! I’ve personally been a bit...underwhelmed by everything lately. Lacking affect, I guess. I’m half tempted to go hermit in the woods some days! Doesn’t help that it’s been such a shitty and gross spring.

Agree, R36. It was freezing rain and then snow here today, all day.

Extended winter, no spring, Trump. Depression is a logical result. Wait it out. Know that moods change - nothing is permanent.

R35, THAT explains it all!

Yes, OP. I thought it was just me. I'm feeling more depressed than ever. I just realized I've ruined my life with bad choices. Getting older fucking sucks.

I've been on DL for a while and we tend to get sad in late winter / early spring. In 2009, we all got sad in August for some reason...

April is the cruelest month, stirring dull roots with spring rain, mixing memory and desire.

You’re not alone, OP! Here for you! Post and vent away. Enjoy your Sunday.

I've been having weird creepy dreams. Last night I dreamed Jaclyn Smith was in my bedroom talking to somebody. Then she was gone and it got really cold, so I went through this house and discovered an intruder beating my aged father in the dark. But I couldn't move or yell, just like I was trapped in Jello* or something. Very upsetting.

Was Bootsie Gumdrops in the dream?

I didn't mean to start this thread and make people angry. When I feel down I don't say anything or bother other people, but last night I guess everything was getting to me so I made the thread to see if others were feeling the same way. I don't have people in real life to talk to so sometimes posting here is better than nothing..

Yesterday and today I've been thinking a lot about everything in life and where I went wrong, I'm still trying to figure it all out and figure out why I am the way I am. I know some of it comes from my mom and from my past but there's more to it than just that and realizing that there's something wrong with you really hurts too. I want to ask her some questions but I don't want to get involved again either so I'll probably never know. I feel so alone all the time, and I'm just so tired of everything and trying all the time. I was going to go out today but there was a huge snowstorm yesterday so I'm kind of stuck inside for now. Anyway sorry the thread I guess.

Don't be sorry OP, as it sounds you're dealing with enough presently, without a heaping of guilt on top. To those not into the thread, they can leave. There are many isolated and lonely people out there, and the internet and DL can be a place for community. I hope you're feeling a bit better tooday. Try not to think about where you "went wrong" or other negative thoughts for awhile.

I always wondered why DL attracts so many unhappy people.

Beware of the Black Dog, as he will always be there, hiding and lurking somewhere. You must respect the Black Dog, and be at the ready, don’t let him get you, don’t let him win.

Know that I love u darling, and we shall make it thru these trump years....

OP, I feel like that almost every day. Nothing seems to interest me anymore, and the things that got me out of my funk, don't work anymore. Depression is terrible... robs your life. I can sleep all day, almost not move at all (only when I have to). You're not alone.

Depression sure sucks!

Yes, I'm bummed. I've had a professional setback (again), not really horrible, but still dispiriting enough to have me lying awake in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling. Though I depend on the old canard, "I've had more success than most, if not as great as some," it really hasn't been true for some time. For the last decade, I've felt like Sisyphus (no puns about "sissy," please), pushing boulders up a hill, only to have them roll back down to earth, never getting anywhere in my career. And I'm not getting younger. I know the value of my work (one of the things that keeps me going), but, sweet Jesus, how long is this gonna go on? How about a break?

Meditation has been a lifesaver for me. I feel calmer and more accepting of my faults. It has helped to have a more positive outlook. I sleep better, too. There are times when I want to skip a session, but I force myself to do it, and within a few minutes, I'm feeling centered and peaceful.

It should read...it has helped me to have a more positive outlook.

It is my birthday but I am all by myself. Only two friends texted happy birthday to me

Aw, Happy Birthday R56. I hope you have plenty of happier ones ahead.

Op, are you about to get your period. That is how it goes with me.

Glorious sunny day yesterday at 70+ degrees. Today fucking 39 degrees and raining.

Trump is still in power...

HEY!!!! r56! I was writing my post and I saw you posted. Holy Fuck...IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY TOO! How old? Just turned 58. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to You!!! I'm i the same boat!@

I’m not ready for that final disappointment.

Did you get any cards in the mail?

Go read this thread and you'll be all cheered up, OP.

I can't believe this, r56...It's my birthday and I'm also alone ... my partner died two years ago and we always had a nice dinner and cake together. Now, nobody.

We should get together and celebrate!!!!

Happy birthdays to my fellow Aries.

You're never alone buddy....we're here with you!

Love your post R11, OP, chin up, and hang in there. There are more of us like you than you think.

Are there really THREE DL birthdayers here today?!!

Happy Birthday to all of you, and best wishes for a healthy and prosperous year.

XOXOXO

Well you are alone, actually. Find a way to make that not so bad or do something to change if by this time next year. Hugs from internet creeps that you will never know, email or speak to are without merit or meaning. They don't want you to be happy, they want you to join them in their unhappiness. Typing the word buddy does not make someone "there for you." That is the true issue of loneliness, is there anyone really there for you? The internet can offer a false sense of community and that is necessary for some people with limited contacts. But DL is an unhealthy community and not the best place to join a sad support group. Do better for yourself. Get off the internet and sit with your feelings. This will be hard and maybe sad, but do it. Lie on your bed and cry if that's what comes. Then try to make some real connections with real people. It takes time but it feels better. Even a therapist or some old group of bridge players gets you into a place where people get to know you. Most importantly be very honest with yourself - Do you own judgements, biases and criteria about everyone and every damn thing hold you back from caring for anyone else? Because there is a lot of that around here. Play some music and MOVE.

I don't know if you're talking about me, R68, but I'm the Op and I know I'm all alone.

We're all alone.

Yes, have felt this way off and on for months.

This is completely random, but will share with the class anyway. Last night I was searching old broadcasts of Art Bell on youtube. I haven't listed to him in years. He hasn't been on the air in years, but his passing on Friday made me think of him again. I found an eleven hour recording of his Ghost to Ghost shows captured over several years, and started listening to that. I just turned my lights out, laid down, and let it play. I love that sort of thing, but between the weird stories, and his calm voice I relaxed in a way that I haven't in a very long time. I fell asleep with it playing. I did wake up at once from a dream that I knew was scary, but it was like having seen a scary movie that I was happy or excited to have seen. I'm sure it was guided by whatever was being talked about on the show at the time. I grabbed a notebook and pen that I keep by my bed to try to write down what I had just experienced, but the memory was gone quickly. I fell back to sleep with no problem. I woke up this morning feeling like I had really truly rested, and better than I have in a while.

Bizarre story, I know. Will be trying it out again this evening.

I have been taking CBD in edible form like gummies. It really helps lift my mood and relieves anxiety. No high because it has negligible THC but it does give me a mild case of the munchies. Also a pretty effective pain reliever. I experienced a couple of days of stiffness and pain in a hip and joint pain in my knees. After consuming one of the gummies the pain was gone and I was actually dancing around in a good mood. It's expensive as hell but I am glad I gave it a shot. Lord Jones makes the edibles if anyone is interested in trying it.

Excellent advice R72! I love those gummies and sour patch CBDs too.

Cbd gummies? Will try!

I was there last year, R1. It will pass.

Criminal Trump brings everyone down. Trump and a late spring makes us all unhappy.

"The day is wiser than the night"

When you wake up in bed and in the dark, tell yourself that.

The wound is the way the light enters your body.

....and kills you.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the oncoming train.

Aint THAT the truth, r79!

I hope this is a temporary case of sadness, OP.

Depression is insidious. Please let us know how you are.

R78, honey, it ain't light that I want entering my body!

I’m actually considering putting off Season 2 of The Handmaid’s Tale until summer. Yes, I’m THAT depressed by Trump and people in general showing outward signs of selfishness and stupidity.

I swear I posted this already but I can't find it.

where do you live OP? if it is where the seasons change it could be because of that. When seasons change the chemicals in our bodies change and throws things out of whack until we adjust.

I think it is supposed to be better by the end of the week.

R78, forget Rumi. Go for irrumatio.

Can you just go into one of these dispensaries and buy cbd gummies or do you neef some kind of prescription?

Central Business District Gummies?

Compulsive buying disorder

That sometimes makes me sad, r90.

I have an interview tomorrow and if I get turned down like I have with the numerous other resumes, etc. I've sent in, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Have been debilitated by depression for the last week, missing work and taking pride in doing small things like getting out of bed and making scrambled eggs. I live in the Pacific Northwest and it has been a constant gunmetal-grey, static, horrible atmosphere interspersed with cold rain, we all still wear our winter jackets and get zero sun, but it's also just something else. Emptiness, loneliness, no stability with professional and personal life, tenuous finances, debt, social and familial isolation, a relationship that ended...it seems there's no silver lining. You are not feeling alone. And it can be VERY hard to dredge up initiative, to get the motivation to "get out there and make friends" when you don't actually see the point in being awake much of the time.

I agree that DL isn't the real world with real friends, but at least it's something, given that society has devolved into smartphones and internet as a substitute for human contact.

Well, I just broke off a relationship yesterday that had a lot of potential but I knew just was not going to work out. I'm sad because I lost a friend and a potential good partner - albeit one that was always hot and cold for no reason and then denied it.

It's also the weather - it's been so shitty I haven't left the house this weekend. Cold windy rainy.

R94 - also, temps are around 15-20 F. lower than normal for April. That doesn't fucking help - it's like a February that never ended.

My bf has had chronic, major depression for many years. Next week he is starting his first course I'd ECT and I am very worried about what effect it will have. I know the current consensus is that it is totally harmless, etc, but I have been told untrue things about side effects of psych drugs (infinitely worse than described), so I just don't trust that things we necessarily go as the shrink suggests. Plus, my BF has, God love him, a truly rotten attitude under the best of circumstances and is very snide and defeatist, so I worry that this will have no effect. If there is anyone who will miss out on any placebo value of psych treatment, it is him.

OP, a friend of mine recently killed himself. He was 57. He thought he had nothing to live for, but there is so much I would have done to help him if I'd known. I live in a different city, which makes it difficult, but friends who were closer said he hid financial and health problems from them, too.

I say this because reading his suicide note, I realized that he was unable to look at himself objectively. He had a lot more going for him than he thought. You can't always trust your own perception. Depression lies.

I was institutionalized at age 12 and have taken anti-depressants off and on since then (on for the last decade), so it's easy for me to talk about this stuff. Well, not easy, but it comes more naturally to me than it does to other people. My friend didn't know how to talk about it, I guess, or was ashamed, and I wish so badly that he would have opened up. I would argue that intelligent, sensitive people are more prone to depression, so don't let anyone make you feel embarrassed.

Posting here is a start, but please make an appointment to talk to a therapist. Even if you don't have insurance, there are options. 1-800-273-8255.

Good luck, R92!

I'm the Op, I don't know what to do anymore. I try not to think about so many negative things but it's impossible and I keep wondering what I ever did that was so bad or wrong that even my mom hates me. Everything about that is running through my mind over and over, even when I go to bed and it's there again as soon as I wake up. I don't know what went wrong and I really don't remember being that bad of a kid but basically I know I wrecked things for her and she used to say how she wanted to get rid of me and put me in foster care, once she even said she should have had an abortion. If she hated being my parent so much then why didn't she just do it then?? I really don't understand and I don't think anyone will ever be able to explain it. I keep trying not to let it get to me but I can never really get it out of my mind totally.

I'm in my early 20s and I just don't have anything in common with people my own age, they're all way ahead in life so far and here Iam still working a crappy job and trying to pay rent, it's no one's fault but mine and I know that but I really don't fit in, plus sometimes I get so anxious that I'm sure I'm not fun to be around anyway. I get along better with older people but I even get nervous around them and I'm used to being an outcast anyway. That doesn't bother me much it's just sometimes everything is too hard and I feel like I don't have the energy to try anymore, like I'm just winding down. I know people here aren't my friends and don't know me, but I don't even care anymore about what I post because I don't have anyone anyway. and btw I never make mean or unkind posts here, R19.

Happy brthday to the posters here.

OP, I've been feeling down but your thread made me feel so much better. Uplifted.

What's the opposite of sour grapes? No, not Schadenfreude, since I'm not one to enjoy the pain of others.

It's more like the relief of walking through the burn ward and being so glad to get back out in the fresh air.

You're my burn ward, OP.

Thanks!

Me too, OP...

OP. i quickly ran through the postings cause this being datalounge, probably 99% are from the bitches......anyway, i am 50s, and i get that way, l lay down to nap. and then i just force myself to get out and exercise or go with my dogs. i dont drink at all for 2yrs now and used to take adderral. and coffee . but nothing now. i want to face things head on. i did notice a difference when i take SAMe 400. i bought at whole foods. keeps mood elevated. for me it works, and the exercise. ect... anyway i hope that helps you

R99, i am R102. i just read your post. for someone in their 20s to feel this way, i was surprised. please know that there are some of us here who actually care about others. yes i have been on here with some pretty rude remarks and joking ect. but i read your post and for you to be in your 20s and having that outlook concerns me. i am in my 50s, so alot of life experience. living in los angeles since i was 22. so pretty much seen it all. i hope you seek out some solutions to what you are going through. i did. at the time i did all the tony robbins , i got alot out of that and mary ann williamson. people can say what they want but it helped me. i hope things work out for you in a good way. you have so much life ahead

OP, R99. I've been in a hospital twice for major depressive shit. 1997-2000, the years during both stints, are a time that I have very little recollection. I lost my best years in high school because of that. During that time I wound up in ICU getting a tube shoved down my throat after downing a ridiculous cocktail of god knows what pills I could find around the house. When everyone was out having fun and getting ready for college, I was locked up in a hospital. I went to college for one year and dropped out because I'm a quitter at everything. During my last years of high school, I was told I would relapse by a social worker.

Ten years ago, I was homeless. In 2010, my mom had a massive stroke and a little over a year later, my dad died of stage 4 cancer. I take care of my mom whom I refuse to put in a nursing home and I'm currently trying to find a job which is killing me right now. As I said above at R92, I have an interview tomorrow and if I get denied a job here, I really don't know where to turn. If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't be here I know that much.

I'm not comparing and contrasting one bit, OP. I'm just letting you know that I understand.

I feel like another 2008 is coming

also, i like R68 ADVICE. move............. i am 103 . so much older than you , but when i am depressed and believe me in the past 30yrs, with different relationships and crushes on actors, fitness trainers bla bla bla, i had my ups and downs. its best to be in motion. go exercise, run, walk, get outside . also those "meet up" groups are good, just dont be stagnet, and also , no drinking , drugs, that is the worst thing you can do. read positive books, many are good, many of them helped me. just dont look back, look forward. you are so young, so much can change for the good!

R79, you complete me.

Oh, you are R103. I thought someone 103 years old was posting here.

Also, OP...talk...talk...and keep on talking, doesn't matter to whom. Freud was right about the talking cure. It decathects the emotions when you vent them and enables you to see things more objectively, more clearly and more positively.

LOL, the little bitches have now arrived.......(108).........thread officially destroyed

OP, I'm old. I know what I'm talking about. You can be helped. You have depression, as you know well. Get a therapist. He or she might suggest medication. It sounds like you were deeply deprived as a child, but THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you can learn to let go of the self-punishing thoughts.

[quote]It decathects the emotions when you vent them

"Decathects." Word of the Month.

[quote]OP. i quickly ran through the postings cause this being datalounge, probably 99% are from the bitches...

But, you were wrong.

I was very sad last night and very early this morning, OP. Then a stream of small miracles happened today: someone pointed out I had a non-negative worth, demonstrated often; I heard three of my favourite jazz pianist's recordings on a jazz radio program; a techno radio show DJ gave me and my friends a shoutout; someone solved a problem for me; I did my taxes and it wasn't as horrible nor as convoluted as I thought... it was like the universe thanked me for not taking the easy way out last night.

When you're at your lowest, give it 24 hours, collect constructive solutions and advice here, have a self-care plan and stick to it.

I wasn't. Now I am.

A song reminded me of someone I once had a crush on, and pondering that led me to feeling bad about someone I'm crushing on in the present. Life has been such a waste. I feel as if I now have to get away from the present crush, and I'm sad all over again that that's how I have to act around someone. But it's hopeless.

I agree with those who say to move. I recommended the same in another thread. When you go out, even if it's without a goal, look around and observe other people. Some will be alone, someone will be with family, some will be couples... but they will be no different than you. No one has everything all the time.

The other thing is not to give in to self-pity. Once you start victimizing yourself you will be imagining various causes to your sadness that won't have anything to do with actual reality. And you will damage your sense of self-worth. (R115 is doing some of it.)

R53 sums up how I've been feeling for the past year.

I've been feeling off and out of sorts for the past month and Friday I took some gummies as well, snuggled under a blanket, mediatated and kept thinking about giving myself a break from anxiety for just one day. It helped a lot and I feel a bit better today. I'm glad to see I'm not alone and other people are getting through their slumps too as best they can.

Crushes are often very unrewarding, so good for you.

Great reply, R11. Happy for you.

R118 I am planning to divest myself of all ties to this person today. It just involves dropping a class, but it feels so final. I'll probably never see him again. The last class was exhilarating, yet so anxiety-producing, I don't want to go through it again.

R108... Me, too.. :) :)

Get mad. Use those assholes to motivate you. Works everytime.

I'm not mad. Just disappointed.

Listen to the Dear Sugars podcast. It's comforting.

I've been like this since last year. I feel my life is a waste and I should end up but I can't bring myself to do it. So I just surf the internet all day like a loser.

What will I do if the ECT he is starting next week doesn't work on my monster depressed BF? He has tried every possible medication, but nothing worked.

On a side note, I am sincerely grateful to have discovered this site and all you bitches. I am grateful for the laughs you have given me.

Good luck, R104.

Check if CBD is legal in your state, r88. If it is then you can buy them on-line. I don't know if medical marijuana dispensaries sell them. I bought mine on line from a company called Lord Jones and they work as promised. They are pricey but I would definitely buy them again. I also bought some CBD chocolate chews from the same company and they taste very good. The packaging is very nice and I received them in three days. They also sell products that contain THC so they use PayPal. No CC. You can read their reviews and decide for yourself. I ate one today and I am still in a great mood. Of course, it also had something to do with Hannity getting his pants pulled down in court today;)

As sad as I am, it's kind of peaceful knowing that I can choose to end my life if I want and that there won't be anymore sadness.

Please DON'T actually do that R129.

It doesn't go away though, R130 so I don't know.

R131 Do you see a counselor?

Have you had your Vit D tested? (I'm serious about this... mine was at rock bottom and that can cause depression.)

I hope you're feeling better OP

Sorry R131, I don't know if you're OP or someone new... so if you're OP and you've already answered about counseling I apologize.

I [italic]know[/italic] things are bad when I dig my childhood teddy bear out of the recesses of the closet [bold]: )[/bold] He's so threadbare and patched, and he even lost an arm to our St. Bernard at one point...but really, he's been a constant in my life since I was 6. I could NEVER discard him ! !

He doesn't make many appearences, but when I'm really low, I'm like, "TED ! !"

Yeah, sometimes you just need to hold something R135.

I'm the op R134. I don't knw what happened with the site but all of a sudden I couldn't post the other day.

No, I met with a counselor a few times but that was last summer but not since then. I don't have insurance and I'm not in school right now, so no counseling for me. I honestly think it made things worse anyway.

Okay R137... let me go back and read... I missed some of the middle of this thread and I don't want to make you repeat stuff you've already told people.... give me a few minutes!

I dreamed about my first lover last night,who died in 1994,and it was such an ordinary dream (maybe even a memory) of us waking up and having coffee that it completely depressed me for the rest of the day. It was the utter ordinariness of the dream that depressed me,cause I knew had he not died we would have had 1000s of mornings like that .I will say this,the year and a half after he died (much of wich Ive blacked out) simple breathing felt like an effort. I let everything fall into ruin,lost our house, my car,gained 50 lbs and drank so much I looked like a puffer fish. The last day in our house I just knew I was going to jump off the nearest bridge,I was so sure I couldnt go on. Yet here I am typing . Add insult to injury,I had yet another lover die on me of MS.5 years of bliss,2 years of slow disintegration and he dies on his 50th birthday. Again,I just swore that was it,yet here I am typing. My point is OP,hang in there honey,tomorrows coming.You WILL get by this.

Okay OP

First off I feel bad because it sounds like your mom did a number on you, and instead of being able to realize that it was your mom with the issues (good moms DON'T say or do the things she's done to you) you're taking it out on yourself, as if YOU'RE the bad one, and you're not. You've been mentally messed with.

Second, assuming I'm reading the right comments as yours, who put you on your meds? It's possible they're simply not the right ones for you or the right dosage. I'm NOT AT ALL recommending you stop them or start tinkering with dosages on your own (DON'T!) but whoever is prescribing those meds for you should meet with you again and discuss these things.

Thirdly, if you are in need of comfort (like your Ted) I recommend looking at some of those videos on youtube about tapping. There are different spots on your body (like on your hand/wrist) that you can tap and it relaxes you/subdues anxiety and it's sort of like a self-hug... plus it occupies a part of your mind and helps anchor it and your thoughts.

Again though, I want to reiterate that you should NOT NOT NOT start tinkering with your meds on your own, especially since you're already in a bad place... but discuss with your provider.

I think it was Brad Yates's tapping videos that helped me, but you can try a bunch and see if you prefer other people's voices, styles, whatnot.

Also, your mom and what's she's done to you has likely added, if not fully caused, you're anxiety issues that you face now. You've been trained as a child to expect bad things to swoop down and hurt you, or for the rug to be pulled out from under you... even if that's not you're reality. Plus she has messed with your self-esteem, and because YOU'RE a good person, you take it out on yourself.

Maybe there are some books out there that you could read on surviving abusive/narcissist parents that you can read in the interim.

OMG please excuse all my spelling mistakes!

Is it because of the Rapture tomorrow?

[quote]R136 Yeah, sometimes you just need to hold something [R135].

I think the thing about my bear (!) (can't believe I'm typing this!) is he's so FAMILIAR. And when I drag him out (it might be once a year or so), it's when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the natural uncertainty of life. He's just a strong connection to my past. Like a very old friend.

His face still makes me smile : ) The fact that he's missing an arm puts him right along my side, in the crook of my elbow.

That's so nice of you, R140 and you didn't have to go read the thread so thank you very much. I'm not on medsor anyhing at all and it's someone else with the teddy bear, but thank you for being so nice and caring enough to help.

Yeah, it was me posting about the problems with my mom, and I've never gotten why she's always just hated me. It's just the way it is and i should be used to it by now I guess. I've learned that I do fuck a lot up, like really almost everything, one of those people that can't do anything right so at a certain point I realized it's not really worth trying since I only end up crushed even worse than the day before. I guess I should be used to that too. None of matters if it's all only temporary though and there's the possibility of escape.

Sorry you've been through that, R139. That's not fair.

OP and others who are chronically sad,

Please get the help you need. It's available. There are clinics. Maybe you are eligible for Medicaid. Your mental health is as important as your physical health, and there are remedies. You don't have to suffer.

Oh, I'm a bit confused about who is posting what!

R146, I totally get that. I'm very Velveteen Rabbit/Toy Story about the things I've kept from my childhood.

R147 I doubt you fuck up like you think you do... and anyways mistakes are good in that you learn from them and at least you're trying. I read a great quote about that recently but unfortunately I can't remember it right now... something about "failing brilliantly."

Maybe there isn't much to really get about your mom's treatment of you other than she's actually the one who's mentally unwell, or that she's the product of the same bad parenting and isn't as evolved/instrospective as you are.

R99-OP

Straight woman/mom with twenty something gay son who developed serious mental illness his last year in college.

You know your mom is messed up. That's why she projects all her shit onto you. She doesn't wish she aborted you. She wishes she was never born.

My son has said horrible things to me but I always knew he loved me. He is on meds now and making progress.

Your mother does love you but has very serious mental issues. Those are NOT your issues.

Don't suffer any longer. Get help. A therapist you can talk to and medication. See a psychiatrist who KNOWS about meds. That's what I did. It helps a lot.

It is not easy but this is what you must do Do not give up.

To those considering suicide. I saw a show about people who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge but somehow survived. One said: "As my fingers slipped from the railing I realized that everything in my life was fixable except that I had just jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge "

Playing with dogs and cats is good when you're blue. Maybe offer to walk a neighbors dog...or just pull a Jodi Arias and crawl thru the doggie door when they're away.

Bring treats.

Hey OP and Ted Guy (!) , I'm going to head to sleep for the night. Please hang in there, lots of people here on your side!

Hope you get some good sleep tonight and have sunshine waiting for you in the a.m.

R151... i wish i knew you ....lol

Thanks, R150. I don't think my mom actually does love or care about me at all though, she drinks a lot and has been this way most of my life. She's not nice to my brother either, but I always get it worse than him, not sure why though. I'm glad your son is doing better now, I hope everything works out.

Sorry to read this. But I always remind myself I was sad b4 and it did pass...And you've also worried about things b4 in the past..and can u even remember what they were now? Do something nice just for u. Plus they say 10 mins in a swimming pool or 10 mins of music is all it takes to change a mood. X