Spending addiction

Return it, dollface

You’re a mess, girl. First step: don’t carry around a credit card.

[quote] Spending addiction

OP = Joey Lawrence!!!!

maybe you do. it sounds weird, but I wonder if that can be a thing. some people just can't be trusted even with their own money. alzheimer's patients, senile people. Seriously, is there somebody close to you that you would actually trust with your finances?

Nope, I’m all about the budget.

It was clearance R1. I can't even get a store credit. I'm still angry with myself for even going out this morning. I know I have a problem with impulse spending yet I still went out.

When salesbottoms think they’re the ladies who lunch.

This sounds obvious, but you need to figure out why you do this. Are you fighting being on a budget? Running away from something? Trying to hurt yourself by doing something that you know is “wrong”? Or —this is a big favorite—trying to fill some awful inner emptiness?

I know this will piss people off, but I actually have the opposite problem. I was too frugal all my life and now I'm 65 and have more money than I'll ever need (and no heirs or partner) and I STILL have a hard time convincing myself to spend it.

I'm about to spend another $500 putting down a deposit on a Bengal kitten! Wtf, help me.

I've thought about it R8 and even saw a counselor but couldn't come up with anything. I do think I'm trying to fill something missing from my life but what it is I have no idea.

And R10 is not me.

Snap out of it!

R10 You're kidding/trolling us. I don't believe you.

R9, you should book yourself in for a fortnight's holiday on a 5* island in the Maldives. That will take care of a nice chunk of your money. Then go back three times a year.

Don't close your accounts, but cut your credit cards up - ALL of them. Pay cash for everything.

Aw, R10 was the Spaz Troll!

And he didn't even give us a clue by mentioning Harry Styles.

I tend to spend too much money too but on smaller things that cost about 20 or 25 dollars. If you just got a big debt paid off and then went out and bought a jacket that you don't need for $280 then, yes, you have a problem. Spend your money on a therapist instead of expensive things that you don't really need.

OP - tell you GP - your doctor - ask him or her to recommend a shrink. Go to the shrink and bluntly explain the challenge. Ask if ADHD treatment will help you. There are many instances in which this can help. It takes several months to kick in but you could lose your "trance like" INATTENTION - to what you are doing (spending) and what you want to do (not spend). Its a compulsion that is diverting your attention. It has to do with dopamine among other things. The drugs can cut it, along with some behavoioral therapy.

I have issues with compulsive behavior (separate from my OCD - but not completely unrelated.) When I was in my 20s it was drinking and sex, in my late 30s and 40s it was eating. Last year I got the compulsive eating under control, lost 60 pounds, and started shopping again. I get obsessed with certain items or categories - right now it is olive wood cooking utensils. I find that when I'm under stress it gets worse, and lately work has been incredibly stressful.

I'm trying to get it under control, without running back to food. I need to find a good psychologist, but my insurance only covers psychiatry, and I won't take psychiatric meds after seeing the way they destroyed my father's personality.

I feel for you OP. Good for you for getting out from under your debt, keep in mind how hard you worked, and how much you don't want to wind up back in that situation.

No one can out spend me.

I went to Debtors annonymous after a spending spree almost broke me. They do teach you some really good stuff, but the meetings themselves are so relentlessly grim, that I promised myself that I would never overspend again if I didn't have to attend those meetings

Some people get a high from spending, in some ways because it's confirmation they do have some "power" over their situation. In other cases, though, the spending seems related to "bargains", things that are on sale, and that seems to have a different rationale, maybe confirmation they are smart.

It's such a simple action but, at least for me, not carrying around a credit card really has completely changed my spending habits. I only have two and both are locked in a safe. That goes for keeping your credit card information saved in your internet browser. I only take it out for routine car maintenance.

is that how you wound up on assistance, R20?

I'm forty three R9 and the same way. My dad was an attorney and so am I. He handled bankruptcies and instilled it in me to live within my means. My older sister who is an internist is exactly the same. About six years ago we started a company together flipping houses. Our company buys the houses and we contract out all the work. At this point, we could both quit our jobs and live very, very comfortably off the side business alone, but we continue working because we both love our jobs. I wish we could both convince ourselves to relax a little when it comes to money.

R24 I was never on assistance. That was Lee.

R19 Pity you are scared of "psychiatric" drugs because sounds like they would help you. Anyway you should see a shrink if that is what your insurance covers. You are throwing away your life on your compulsions.

I am considering getting some Xanax from my weed dealer. I don't want mental illness on my medical record as it will affect my job prospects.

I'm a about trying to underspend my budget because I know at some point an expense will come up that requires me to exceed my budget. Last month my computer died and I needed to replace it. I had an extra few hundred in my checking account which I put toward the expense of the new computer.

Try this:

You get a rush of excitement about something you find in the store, but it’s something you don’t really need.

Let yourself "buy” it, whatever “it” is, but only for the time you’re in the store. When you get to the registers ask yourself if you really need it or even want it.

Nine times out of ten, I leave it in the store. I let myself “have it” initially and enjoyed the endorphin rush. I didn’t feel deprived because I let myself “have it” without any questions asked.

Try it.

R28 what the hell are you talking about - mental illness and medical records a potential hiring company can see.

May I correct you r31? Should be "can't" see.

HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996) is United States legislation that provides data privacy and security provisions for safeguarding medical information. R28, in other words, your medical records are for your eyes only. And your doctor's. No one else.

R28 If you have a weed dealer then that's another problem. I f you keep your mind clear you might not be tempted to spend so much. Don't do drugs - especially from a dealer. You're asking for trouble.

I'll help you. Forget that part Asian wildcat. Litter box problems galore. They actually do well with a pan of water. Height no more than 2 inches. They'll ruin your house. Having a Bengal is like having a husky. Your home will stink to high heavens especially if they share litter boxes.

You also need to think about Bulimic Shopping. Once home, thrill wears off. Back it goes to the entry of home and safely returned.

Also you feel you were robbed of something you rightfully deserved.

R18, I believe like hoarding, spending is OCD spectrum.

Don't see a shrink for meds. See a nurse practitioner

I agree that Bengals are not a domestic breed. They will howl the place down whether you are there or not. They are hugely destructive as far as sofas and even wallpaper goes. They urine and faeces smells much more than the average cat's. They are also aggressive and will bite and scratch you hard in 'play' and scar you for life when they are pissed off, which is often.

Once I traded two buttons for a tse tse fly, OP

Being addicted to saving is as real as the same for spending, though rarer r9. I have it too, and for me it’s related to ‘bag lady’ fears, ie becoming a homeless old person. Even Opera admitted to having such worries still after she became a billionaire.

So I bought 50 1mg Xanax from my dealer and will take one whenever I feel tempted to spend.

I just took one and made the sensible decision that two Bengals would be a better option than one, as they will keep each other company and out of trouble. The breeder has let me put down just $750 to reserve both.

I'm not taking any notice of the anti cat trolls on this thread.

Ugh meant Oprah at r40

Just got rid of a sponge tenant with a shopping disorder. No decent man would have that so shes thirty and a fucked duck. Addicted to Adderall and Suboxone (Hillbilly Heroin). Crashes for days from withdrawals. Not an ounce of control. She disgusted me because she assumed someone would bail her out. I'm not a straight male and you're not in my league. Got so bad had to keep nothing extra on hand. Living off of handouts. Crying all of the time. A mess.

OP, not anti-cat. Life long animal rescuer here. I've fostered three Bengals because they got depressed at the free range shelter. Surrendered by impulse buying people. Same thing with Siberian Huskies. Know your damned breeds. One thing if you fuck yourself, quite another when you fuck over innocent pets and children. Done with you.

OP, force yourself to wear that jacket every day for the next month to remind yourself how bad you are feeling right now about your lack of willpower. Then donate it to charity.

You need to lock up your cards and live off a budget. But you should budget some spending money. Say you give yourself a $10 allowance and you end up not using you can end up with $300 at the end of the month. Either keep it in the bank or go splurge on something.

See about selling the jeacket online, ebay, craigslist or something OP. If it is a coveted designer take to a specialty resale site or shop. Begin selling other impulse purchases that don't turn you on also. Regroup some of that money, and get some help. If it is merely the spending you enjoy, stick to Big Lots, Dollar Stores, and Thrift/Charity shops. Lay off the grass a bit too, or smoke enough so that you possibly cannot go shopping.

[quote]Just got rid of a sponge tenant with a shopping disorder.

OMG -- you're SpongeBob's landlord? Well, he's rich-- he can afford it.

Worry about the luxuries. The necessities can take care of themselves.

R28 is not me.

The Xanax seems to make me more relaxed about spending, not less. Life's short, right?

Just committed to getting my garden made cat proof. It will cost a lot but they'll let me pay in monthly instalments. I feel the Bengals will enjoy having free range of it so much.

OP = troll

R50 is the troll R51 not me.

OP I was in the same boat as you and in about 11 months ran up a lot of debt.

My car needed a new transmission, my parents needed a new washer and then their furnace broke down and they needed a new one. All this shit started piling up and next thing I know my $10k LOC is up to $7700.

It took 11 months but I paid off all the debt by working every hour I could, scrimping and saving, selling things on ebay and I paid it all off--and felt like shit.

Paying off the debt didn't make me feel good, it was a reminder that this has been my life and will continue to be my life until I die. Struggling with money until the last bill paid is for my funeral.

Every time I sold one of my possessions it was a reminder, every time I came home exhausted it was a reminder, every time I walked instead of taking my car to save on gas was a reminder, every time I had a can of soup for dinner because I couldn't afford to make soup from scratch was a reminder.

I'm debt free and I'm miserable because I know something will come along and I'll have to rack up more debt and it will take months to pay if off. It never fucking ends.

Marry up, R53? At least get a roommate?

R53 funny thing is a girl I knew 25 years ago wanted me to marry her to get her parents off her back. She knew I was gay but her parents wanted her to marry a nice guy and become a housewife, but she wanted a career and since we were friends she figured we could have a sham marriage and she could have the life she really wanted. I declined and she found another guy. Her parents died leaving her everything which was about $12 million. If I had taken the bait I'd be driving around in a BMW right now.

Meant R53.

Well that sucks. I was obviously being flippant about marrying up. I know the grind of poverty, or small budgets and no financial future, but only secondarily, through poor friends. Your post did seem lonely. I mean, poverty is a bit more bearable with a friend or loved one around to have some human abundance, at least.

You need to recognize that the things you buy don’t bring you happiness.

R58 doesn't know where to shop.

Any chance you might be manic? I blew my smallish trust fund yrs before I was diagnosed bipolar and very sick.

Yes...never on anything extravagant but often pay now and think later. I know there's some mental health issues going on, though =/ *

*which is not meant to excuse my failures like a Band-Aid, it is just hard sometimes, y'know?

Please see a psychologist for treatment of your compulsive tendencies. The object of any compulsive pattern--whether food, gambling, sex or shopping--is the same: suppression of uncomfortable emotions.

Sometimes its not so much suppression. Its self medication. The dopamine hit offsets the anxiety or unhappiness for a while.

You do need help form someone, OP. And by all means return the jacket.

TELL me about it.

OP... GET RID OF THOSE CARDS.

[quote]Having a Bengal is like having a husky. Your home will stink to high heavens especially if they share litter boxes.

[quote]I've fostered three Bengals because they got depressed at the free range shelter. Surrendered by impulse buying people. Same thing with Siberian Huskies.

What is having a husky like? Why do they make your home stink?

[quote]Just got rid of a sponge tenant

Who rents sponges?

I heard huskies try to escape all the time

That makes them smell?

I have issues with ordering online, it's so convenient and it's fun getting stuff in the mail.

I seem to have a mixture of all the issues above. If i'm in a brick and mortar store, I have a hard time convincing myself to spend money unless it's something I really need and it's on sale. All my life I've picked up things. walked them around with me, the put them back. As a teenager I would buy clothes, then turnaround on he way home and return them. I only finally started buying myself nice clothes in 2014, but haven't bought more than a shirt or two in the last year or so.

Online is a different story. I visit a few of the deal sites everyday and if I find something on sale that I've wanted or needed for a while I'll buy it. I tell myself that I'm going to return it as soon as it arrives, but by then I'm already adjusted to having spent the money and keep whatever it is. Bose had a sale a few weeks ago and the Wave Music System IV was on sale for $299 (Reg. $499) so guess what I replaced my Sony alarm clock with. A young woman who I helped raise for three years is now 21 and just got married, I haven't seen her since she was 9. I literally bought her entire wedding registry from Bed, Bath, and beyond. then sent a nice set of flatware, and a few personalized items for the house. Granted it was less than $350, but I don't even really know this person anymore. I usually use a debit card, but at the moment I have nearly $2k in credit card debt, and that bothers the hell out of me.

Return it. Seriously, if you have a spending and shopping problem, learn to return the things you bought when weak.

I've got $3100K left in shopping debt that I'm almost done paying off, and it feels great, but I still slip up sometimes. Returning things has saved my stupid shopaholic ass several times. No shame. Do what you have to do.

Woah, $3100 in debt, not $3100K.

Add "an idiot at math" to "spending addiction" and you'll see why I'm such a mess.

Living beyond your means is the American way. It ensures that you’ll always be tied a job you hate, a house you cannot afford and vacations you can never take because you need to work yourself to death to pay for it all.

Huskies are trained to run but not to come back. They are also aggressive and will eat up your house cats or rabbits. Their urine has a much stronger scent than other dogs. They will dig or jump their way out of all but the most secure garden/yard.

Thank you, r76. I shall obsessively avoid acquiring a Husky. To say nothing of a Bengal.

There's always this one thing I have to have. So I buy it. And within a week, there's this one thing I have to have. So I buy it. And within a week...

Just follow some Bengals on Instagram.

OP I have a rule once my cc debt hits $500 I put away the cards until I pay it off. It works well for me and keeps me out of cc debt.

R78 I'm ashamed to say that's how I am with vintage pocket watches. I've been collecting them since 1989 and something "special" always comes a long and I have to have it. Then when I regret the purchase and try to sell it I can't give it away and lose money.

I don't often regret my purchases, r81. I just end up with too much stuff. I've been able to give it away in all cases.

You're amazing, OP. You got yourself out of debt! Now return the jacket and keep the momentum. Tell yourself this every time you want to buy something. Despite having compulsive buying urges, you still managed to pay down your debt. One little fall off the wagon isn't going to take anything away from that accomplishment. Keep up!

I live in the UK and hugely overspend on holidays to compensate for my godawful job as a teacher in an inner London secondary school.

This year I've been to Egypt in the February half term, the Maldives in the two week Easter vacation that's just finishing and I've booked four more expensive holidays for the rest of the year. I earn around £45k a year and have 13 weeks paid holiday a year, but this is still getting me into huge debt. If I stay in the UK, though, I just obsess over my job and find myself worrying, whereas as soon as I get on a plane a switch flicks and I'm in chill out mood.

Sometimes I even go Ibiza or Mallorca on Friday night and come back late Sunday. These weekend trips are costing me £500 on top of all the spending on longer holidays.

I just can't seem to stop.

I got myself out of debt too OP and like R53 I feel like shit. Years ago I bought myself a Cartier watch and had to sell it last year to pay off my credit card. It sucks having to sell things I like just to pay off bills.

I collect vintage fountain pens. Over the last couple of years I've had to sell off most of my collection to pay off bills. This morning I sold the one pen I said I'd never sell. It hurt like hell to sell this pen that I've had for 10 years just so I can pay rent. My 20 something landlord drives a Porsche and I sell my meager possessions to survive. I don't know why I bother staying alive.

for r86

" Its self medication. The dopamine hit offsets the anxiety or unhappiness for a while. "

I think that's it, at least for some compulsive spenders. Spending money makes them happy for a moment, makes all the anxiety go away for a little while... even the anxiety about money caused by the spending. It forms a vicious cycle - spending money that isn't there makes the compulsive spender anxious about debt and bankruptcy, and the anxiety makes them spend MORE money they don't have!

I knew someone like this, a lovely person in so many ways, but her spending addiction never went away in spite of years of on-and-off psychiatric treatment. No, she kept shopping and spending money that wasn't there as long as she was healthy enough to get out to the stores (she's been gone for 10 years), in spite of treatment and her own awareness that it was a problem. IMHO it's like hoarding and anorexia, a compulsive behavior that modern psychiatry isn't helping much. Few can afford appropriate treatment, and those who get treated tend to relapse and go back to destroying their lives and the lives of anyone fool enough to stay.

OP Tell us about the jacket. What designer/brand. I have a little spending problem and my weakness is coats and jackets. I usually end up giving away ones that I don't wear and no longer want luckily I have a couple of family members who love getting my castoffs because they are usually pretty new and they take my size.

R85 and R86, those things are just things. In the end, you can't take them with you when you die.

What sucks is when you buy stuff you regret buying and cannot afford and try to sell it and can't give it away for any price.

R91 succinctly sums up the Capitalist-Consumerist conundrum.

They get you either way right after they get your money

Don't laugh but I have stamp collection I honestly thought would appreciate in value. it was fun to accumulate, but trying to break it down and sell it is so exhausting I might as well set in on fire. And there is zero, zero, zero profit.

Been there, done that OP.

You seriously need to ask yourself, do I want it or do I need it?, when the impulse hits. I have learned to do that and 9 times out of 10, it's a want. The next day, I've forgotten about whatever it was that I had to have.

OP also eats three entire chocolate cakes and a full gallon of vanilla ice cream every day for breakfast.

As opposed to R95's diet of shit sandwiches.

It is like a hoarder. Learn how to return. A lot of times people think better of their purchase and then they return. If you can't return it, give it to someone as a Christmas present.

Buy stocks. They appreciate over the decades.

I have the same problem, but buying vintage watches. I always tell myself I'm going to sell the watch and make a profit but more often than not I break even or lose money.

I came to realize the watches I can afford to buy are not watches collectors want so I finally gave up after hitting rock bottom.

Over the last year I spent $14,114 and made back $14,523. That $409 didn't even cover the gas I wasted driving around looking for those watches.

What's sad is I never even enjoyed having those watches--never wore them, never admired them, just hated myself for spending money on them.