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What secret(s) are you currently keeping?

Go ahead, we won't tell.

I'll start.

I have a secret bank account of personal savings that my boyfriend doesn't know about.

It's for a rainy day.

by Anonymousreply 600March 10, 2018 7:18 PM

I am Mrs. Norman Maine.

by Anonymousreply 1January 11, 2018 1:30 AM

Oh, honey, I know LOTS of secrets!

by Anonymousreply 2January 11, 2018 1:35 AM

Gary Fogel never had cancer.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 3January 11, 2018 1:37 AM

I am an eldergay , I left my job , went to the gym starting taking HGH, had 15k of "work " done on my face. I am living the life I wish I had in my 20s .

by Anonymousreply 4January 11, 2018 1:40 AM

I also have a secret savings account. Not much, about $26K, but he doesn't know about it. I don't feel bad about it, I suppose. I set up a direct deposit from my pay check when I started 22 years ago and never thought about it much.

by Anonymousreply 5January 11, 2018 1:44 AM

OP, and you think he doesn't also?

by Anonymousreply 6January 11, 2018 1:47 AM

I was molested by my parent’s neighbor. They are great friends so I can never let anyone know. Even just the thought of his name causes me spasms of horror for what he did.

by Anonymousreply 7January 11, 2018 1:49 AM

Same but different OP. I know what I am worth, and I now know what my partner is worth. We will be OK between 2 of us.

by Anonymousreply 8January 11, 2018 1:49 AM

R7, you think they wouldn't want to know? Would you want to know if a friend of yours had molested someone?

by Anonymousreply 9January 11, 2018 1:52 AM

Good for you, R4. I commend you. No one else on DL will..... in all likelihood.

IMHO, this site is full of men filled with regret, who, for very real reasons (homophobia, peer pressures, AIDs anxiety) never got to fully live their gay youth. It's made some resentful and bitter. Younger men have no idea what these guys were up against. Straight people don't.

And I empathize.

by Anonymousreply 10January 11, 2018 1:56 AM

Hey R4 what did you have done for $15k?

by Anonymousreply 11January 11, 2018 2:06 AM

Enjoy yourself, R4!

by Anonymousreply 12January 11, 2018 2:07 AM

R11 Facelift, Sculptra and Laser Resurfacing

by Anonymousreply 13January 11, 2018 2:11 AM

I'm a sex addict. I hook up with guys constantly and have several affairs going on at the same time. I'm a successful suit and tie corporate guy in a LTR. My partner has no clue at all. My friends and coworkers think I'm a prude. I'm not sure how I juggle all this. I truly live two lives. This has been going on for over a decade.

by Anonymousreply 14January 11, 2018 2:12 AM

Lol R14.

You're a whore, darlin'.

by Anonymousreply 15January 11, 2018 2:14 AM

I’m sure I am depressed, and no-one knows. I force myself to go to work. When I’m there I laugh, joke and smile, but as soon as the day is done I go home, eat a lot of crap and go straight to bed. I’m fat and dangerously unfit.

I know I need to break the pattern I have gotten into, but I don’t know how. I listen to friends and help them with their problems, but I don’t even want to give them the slightest clue that I am in turmoil and have been for months. What is the point of life?

by Anonymousreply 16January 11, 2018 2:15 AM

R16 Are you sure it isn't "just" an eating/emotional disorder? You dealing with loneliness/emotions by eating them away? Because the fact that you still manage to go to work and keep a somewhat stable social life (interacting with friends etc) is something a person who is clinically depressed usually doesn't manage. They don't do any of that. They want to die. Do you? Or do you just want to turn your life around?

by Anonymousreply 17January 11, 2018 2:20 AM

I'm 51. My best friend since 3rd grade has been cheating on her husband for 2 years with another woman. She says she still doesn't think of herself as gay. Her marriage is in shambles and the husband doesn't know about the affair. He's such a nice guy and doesn't deserve it.

by Anonymousreply 18January 11, 2018 2:24 AM

R17, I really don’t know what the fuck is going on. I go to work because I’m scared of the consequences if I don’t. I keep contact with friends because it is what is expected of me (and I am usually a very sociable person), but quite honestly I would love to just lock the door to my home and stay in bed for good! Life seems exhausting at the moment.

by Anonymousreply 19January 11, 2018 2:25 AM

R19 In a way it does sound like depression (the whole wanting to lock yourself away, finding life itself exhausting-thing), but the fact that - even though you're not enjoying it - you still manage to go to work regularly and keep in touch with your friends is still a good thing. Because I know (or knew - we aren't in touch anymore) someone who was clinically depressed and he would - during bad phases - not manage to do ANYTHING. There could be an important appointment and despite being aware of the consequences he would simply stay home/in bed. He didn't do any chores, let himself go. He'd break off contact with everyone, you wouldn't hear from him in weeks or months. In your case it may be a lighter case of depression (some would call it "burn-out" which is often just another word for depression). Try keeping the routine. (Not necessarily the same job, but the whole getting up/going outside/etc - routine.) Get help if you can, someone to talk to at least. Try exercising even if you don't feel like it - it DOES help because of the endorphins. Try eating a little more healthy - it's the sugar/fat diet that also makes us prone to depressive episodes. If it's mainly exhaustion take a longer break - but don't lock yourself into your home. Go on holiday, do a health cure.

by Anonymousreply 20January 11, 2018 2:42 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 21January 11, 2018 2:43 AM

r4 not sure if you realize it but you are very fortunate that you what you have now because you are older, smarter and wiser which you wouldn't have been in your 20's. Youth is wasted on the young. you really have it all.

by Anonymousreply 22January 11, 2018 2:51 AM

I have zero desire to have any friends. I do wish I had a good bf though.

by Anonymousreply 23January 11, 2018 2:56 AM

R16 You are clinically depressed and need to address this immediately. Contact your health insurance and they can help you find a psychiatrist and a counselor to assist in your recovery. Sorry but R17 is clueless. Over eating and over sleeping are classic signs of depression and not the root of the problem. Best of luck you aren't alone man.

by Anonymousreply 24January 11, 2018 2:58 AM

None of my 'friends' are what I'd consider close. They think we're all close, but honestly I never even think about them at all when we're not together. I like them, and they're fun, but I don't know that I genuinely love or care deeply about them. But, they seem to act like we all do. Maybe I'm just burnt out in the heart or something. I just keep chugging along with them, but if I suddenly moved tomorrow, I'd make no effort to keep in touch, and I don't think I'd miss them. What is wrong with me? :(

by Anonymousreply 25January 11, 2018 3:21 AM

Omg, R25. I know exactly what you're talking about.

I don't know that I actually have genuine affection for any of my friends.

It's weird. I often wonder if I'm even capable of having deep feelings for people.

by Anonymousreply 26January 11, 2018 3:32 AM

I tell my Husband I am driving Uber in the evening to make a little extra money. Instead I am off to the local native casino to gamble. He has no idea but has asked why my clothes smell like smoke when i come home.

by Anonymousreply 27January 11, 2018 3:41 AM

Don't ask!

by Anonymousreply 28January 11, 2018 3:42 AM

R10, a lot of gay people (probably almost all of us), know what it is to not have fully lived our youth because of our sexuality, even today. It is one of the core pillars of the gay experience and the first one most of us pass through. Homophobia and peer pressure are still rife in society and strike especially deep as a teenager and young adult. As for the fear and stigma of AIDS--admittedly less now, but that is also present. The father of my boyfriend five years ago or so shouted that I would give his son AIDS (because I'm a gay man and apparently we all carry HIV). Then there is the fact that the vast majority of gay folks live outside of countries that have decriminalised, passed anti-discrimination legislation and instituted marriage equality. And let's not forget the simple logic of mathematics, which dictates a 95% or so chance that the person to whom you're attracted cannot return your affections, meaning we are far more likely to fail at partnering at any given time than straight people.

Very few kids grow up in some kind of post-heterosexist, post-heteronormative paradise created by their families, schools, peers and communities. The few who do may get to live out the charmed coming-of-age you describe, i.e. what straight people have always been entitled to.

by Anonymousreply 29January 11, 2018 3:47 AM

My brother-in-law hit on me (I'm a straight woman) when he was on a business trip to NYC where I was going to school---I was 20, he was 43. He had married my sister when I was a kid of 7 or 8--and he had acted like an older brother to me as I grew up which made this kind of perverse.

Anyway, I said nope, not at all interested, and promptly left the restaurant where he had taken me to dinner. The cunt even tried to get me drunk! I didn't want to make a scene so I cabbed it home, pretty upset.

Anyway, he and my sister and nephews lived in another state, across the country, so I would just chat with my sister on the phone, always coming up with even more excuses as to why I couldn't visit them ( I was her baby sister and she kind of doted on me). I just couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room with him. I felt bad about that but knowing that he had cheated on her with his other sister-in-law (his brother's wife) plus other women at the workplace just disgusted me (he had drunkenly blurted this info out to me when he bragged about how hot he was in bed, how experienced, etc. his way of trying to entice me into his hotel bed--ugh!).

I never told anyone in my family to this day ( I'm now 42)---I was especially afraid my sister wouldn't believe me anyway if I told her and would end up hating me. Maybe he would have said I hit on him instead! Brother-in-law or not, he was an ugly cunt with hard beady blue eyes. Not sexy. It couldn't even be a sexy fantasy for me. What the hell did my sister ever see in him?

Anyway, happily for me, he died from some kind of kidney disease (btw, his healthy brother refused to give him a kidney to save his life, ---quel surprise! and only I knew the reason why when the family clucked about that). He dropped dead right in a hospital when he had showed up for some dialysis. When my sister called me to tell me he had died, it took all my self-control not to laugh out loud and say yes, that fucking, cheating cunt is dead is last! Go find yourself a better guy!

She died unexpectedly this past summer---and I guess I am still glad she never knew the truth-- she loved him madly to the day he died. As far as I'm concerned, he's a pig from hell and speaking of which, if there is a hell, I hope he went there.

So that is my secret that I will keep (except here!).

by Anonymousreply 30January 11, 2018 3:47 AM

Wow, that's some story, R30.

by Anonymousreply 31January 11, 2018 3:50 AM

IMHO, R30, you made all the right choices. And I'm sorry about your sister.

by Anonymousreply 32January 11, 2018 3:51 AM

Oh my, R30!

And R27, now THAT'S a secret! haha

by Anonymousreply 33January 11, 2018 3:53 AM

My teen aged twin sister woke me at 3 am. She had climbed up the outside of the house, three stories, because she was accidentally locked out. She wanted me to let her in. I opened the window and was pulling her in. She was being really rude, so I said, “fine, then don’t come in”, and I started to push her out the window. She continued to be rude until she was about to fall to her death. Then she panicked and changed her attitude. Then I pulled her back in. But I almost killed her that night.

by Anonymousreply 34January 11, 2018 3:58 AM

Thanks for the kind words, R32--I hoped I had made the right choice as sometimes I wondered.

by Anonymousreply 35January 11, 2018 3:59 AM

Wow R30 - that's intense. You did the right thing.

by Anonymousreply 36January 11, 2018 4:02 AM

I was fond of my friend’s mother. She wanted a hip operation at age 83, but stroked-out and was debilitated. My friend asked me how to “off” her. I suggested he speak with her long term doctor, that he couldn’t just go to any old doctor who didn’t know her, to get morphine or whatever. He hadn’t thought of that, and thought it was a good idea. She died “naturally” soon after. So now, I’ll never know how natural it really was. I did ask him years later, and he said he didn’t do anything, but I might not know for sure for another decade or so.

by Anonymousreply 37January 11, 2018 4:04 AM

When I feel a little daring I order a regular Coke!

by Anonymousreply 38January 11, 2018 4:05 AM

My boyfriend, who is only about 2 years living in this city (where I've lived for 10), only has friends that were my friends first, and none of them really like him. My bf is super sweet, caring, fun, but very very nerdy. I love him, and I think the nerdiness just makes him cuter. I don't care that they don't like him, BUT, I care that he doesn't pick up on it. I feel bad that he's kind of oblivious to it.

by Anonymousreply 39January 11, 2018 4:05 AM

I gave my nephew and his wife $5000 for a house and told nobody.

by Anonymousreply 40January 11, 2018 4:10 AM

R30, you did the right and loving thing. I have no idea how you were able to keep that from your sister all those years. I hope you were able to see her before she died.

by Anonymousreply 41January 11, 2018 4:11 AM

R40, could you give me 5000 dollars and i won't tell anybody either?

by Anonymousreply 42January 11, 2018 4:13 AM

Hi Uncle Bottom at r40! We've been waiting for you!

by Anonymousreply 43January 11, 2018 4:15 AM

I’m the “other woman” like in R18’s story. I’m always the person people have affairs with.

by Anonymousreply 44January 11, 2018 4:20 AM

In the 1990s, my Dad told me where his parents were buried in Queens, and asked me to find out if they had a marker. They both died long before I was born. It was weird because I lived further away than he did, and he could have called as easily as I could. Anyway, I called. They actually sent someone to look and called me back. There was no marker. I never knew that cemeteries are stuffed full of people who have no markers.

So, I told my Dad, “no marker”. He said, “ok, but don’t tell (his sister) Dorothy (in Florida), because it will upset her”, (who I never spoke with). Well, they’re all long dead now, but I’ve since developed an interest in genealogy. I had a marker installed for $600 and never told my siblings or cousins. If any of them ever see the marker, which seems unlikely, they’ll assume it was installed 70 years ago, instead of 5 years ago. Besides, I didn’t want it to become a “group project” with stupid conflicting input from every grandchild who was otherwise disinterested.

by Anonymousreply 45January 11, 2018 4:23 AM

r40, was the house in Detroit City? That's the only place I can think of where someone could find a house for 5000.00.

by Anonymousreply 46January 11, 2018 4:29 AM

It was likely for a down payment or just to help with the cost, R46 Nimrod.

by Anonymousreply 47January 11, 2018 4:31 AM

R47 is my hero!

by Anonymousreply 48January 11, 2018 4:33 AM

My ass is world class

by Anonymousreply 49January 11, 2018 4:36 AM

I am having a very hard time paying my bills.

by Anonymousreply 50January 11, 2018 4:37 AM

PEOPLE--If you feel physically or mentally lousy, see a doctor, ffs.

by Anonymousreply 51January 11, 2018 4:39 AM

My husband and I haven’t had sex with each other in 7 years. I occasionally hook up with another guy. I’m sure he does too. It’s a don’t ask don’t tell sitch.

We talk and joke about it...because the thing is, we are madly in love with each other. As absurd as that sounds.

None of our friends know this about us. They think we are the perfect couple. And shockingly, in a lot of ways, I think we are.

by Anonymousreply 52January 11, 2018 4:39 AM

Or just ask the DL

by Anonymousreply 53January 11, 2018 4:40 AM

I've been an opiate addict for 20+ years but I maintain a professional (work in a large law firm), functional facade. I've recognised one other lawyer here as a fellow addict (saw her at a methadone clinic) but we've never said a word about it. I don't let anyone get close to me because of it.

by Anonymousreply 54January 11, 2018 4:42 AM

r52, sort of the same situation for me...we've been together for 35 years, not too much sex, but lots of affection. We are going on a cruise this summer and I really want to use the time away to build more intimacy.

by Anonymousreply 55January 11, 2018 4:44 AM

How is it possible to be a functional opiate addict, R54?

I'm genuinely curious.

My brother is hooked on heroin, and he's completely non-functional.

by Anonymousreply 56January 11, 2018 4:45 AM

"Build more intimacy"

With your partner?

by Anonymousreply 57January 11, 2018 4:47 AM

I am a handsome , muscular guy in my late 30s I travel extensively for work in every city I check out where the adult movie theaters are . I will go there and let everyone use me sexually. Back home I am the picture of upper middle class perfection , no one knows two days ago I was getting fucked by a ugly fat guy while sucking off an old man. And I jack off about it until I can do it again on the next trip.

by Anonymousreply 58January 11, 2018 4:49 AM

R58 is why I don't like gay men.

Yuck!

by Anonymousreply 59January 11, 2018 4:52 AM

Nice, R58.

Let me know the next time you're in LA.

by Anonymousreply 60January 11, 2018 4:53 AM

I know who R21 is, the dumbass cunt who does nothing but re-re-re-repost that tired Kathy griffin gif, and I'm going to stalk her and shove her in front of a bus.

by Anonymousreply 61January 11, 2018 4:58 AM

How people manage their addictions varies widely, r56. I've always been able to draw a line beyond which I wouldn't go: I wouldn't go without food or without shelter for the sake of my drug use, and I wouldn't hurt/exploit others for the sake of my drug use. I've also been fairly fortunate in that I'm articulate, educated, physically healthy, and not bad looking, so I don't present as a typical user/addict. Many fellow travellers weren't able to exercise the kind of restraint I could (I had to identify my best friend's body 10 years ago) and I sometimes wonder if the fact I never hit 'rock bottom' is why I still use today and have no desire to stop. Most opiate addicts end up stopping so I hope your brother is one of those.

by Anonymousreply 62January 11, 2018 5:00 AM

R58 Let me know when you're in Houston. I will really make you hate yourself.

by Anonymousreply 63January 11, 2018 5:17 AM

37 years ago my dad brought home a great dane. It was the most gentle, sweetest animal I had ever met. One day, when I was about five years old, I pulled her floppy ears and she nipped at my face, cutting my lip - I received two stitches.

I screamed and my mom ran out and asked what had happened. I lied and told her I was picking up a stick in my sand box and the dog bit me. My dad took the dog to the animal shelter 20 minutes later and had the dog euthanized.

I don't think I will ever forgive myself for that lie, and the life of that wonderful dog. Sorry, Sabrina.

by Anonymousreply 64January 11, 2018 5:21 AM

I'm a cokehead.

by Anonymousreply 65January 11, 2018 5:23 AM

kompromat thread.

by Anonymousreply 66January 11, 2018 5:36 AM

I just had butt implants because I had ZERO ass, very flat. I’m healing, but this operation HURTS LIKE HELL...my butt is looking good tho...I had one of the top docs in the world. He is famous. I was lucky to get him, not bragging, I haven’t told many folks tho...

by Anonymousreply 67January 11, 2018 6:03 AM

I am crazy in love with this man who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The first four honeymoon months (lovebombing // to get me hooked) were the most unforgettable orgasms that never stopped. I try to write them down as they were short lived. My god

by Anonymousreply 68January 11, 2018 6:18 AM

From R68's orgasm journal: Oct 23, 2017 Aaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhh I'm coming! Oh my God! Ahhhhhhhhhh Oct 24, 2017 Ohmygodohmygod I'm coming! aaaaaagggggghhhhhhh!! Ahhhhhhhhhh.

by Anonymousreply 69January 11, 2018 8:46 AM

i prefer the company of dogs to humans, who are selfish and boring....

by Anonymousreply 70January 11, 2018 8:51 AM

i secretly spend every dime i make on the hottest male prostitutes $ can buy.

and i love it.

by Anonymousreply 71January 11, 2018 8:53 AM

I have struggled with depression since I was 11. I have spent whole days in bed doing nothing but crying.

by Anonymousreply 72January 11, 2018 9:06 AM

i blew johnny carson.

by Anonymousreply 73January 11, 2018 9:08 AM

I blew a priest, and I liked it.

by Anonymousreply 74January 11, 2018 9:38 AM

My grandmother dated Houdini.

by Anonymousreply 75January 11, 2018 9:48 AM

One Christmas my ENTIRE FAMILY raped me under the Christmas tree!

by Anonymousreply 76January 11, 2018 9:58 AM

R45 keep searching for us! We are buried under the old yew tree at the church! Save us from an afterlife of horrific misery!!!

by Anonymousreply 77January 11, 2018 10:03 AM

The single straight dude in my little neighborhood group is at least 'curious.' At our neighborhood get togethers, he's all about 'dating is challenging,' and his ex girlfriend (who none of us have ever seen), and girls to look at when he runs, etc. When it's just the guys in the group (I'm the only gay man), then the talk is always about boobs, and sex, and super straight crap (except when I mess with them and bring up gay sex stuff). BUT, when he and I hang out alone, especially if we drink, he starts getting handsy like "buddies wrestling around" kind of thing. A while back he kept grabbing my butt when we were walking, and then when we got back to his place, the "joking" wrestling thing, I could tell he was hard. Nothing happened at all, other than me noticing that.

Anyway, I like him a lot, and I love our little neighborhood 'family' and I don't want anything thrown off, so I just keep playing along like - yehhhh, sure you're straight, buddy. I haven't even told any of my gay friends who know him, because I don't want it getting more awkward than it already is.

by Anonymousreply 78January 11, 2018 11:05 AM

My friends are all aggressive and 'up and coming' and all that. I play along, and we do all work hard, but they are obsessed with 'getting ahead.' I have zero interest. I just want a paycheck so I can have my life outside work. I'm so very much not committed to getting ahead. I just want to do my work, get paid, leave. I think if my friends and family knew that, they would think something is wrong with me.

by Anonymousreply 79January 11, 2018 11:22 AM

R51 some of us have mental or physical health problems that a doctor caused in the first place.

by Anonymousreply 80January 11, 2018 11:25 AM

I've never wanted to "be" anything, even when I was a kid. Still don't have anything in my life that I'm passionate about (not talking about people). I always have felt it was a flaw.

by Anonymousreply 81January 11, 2018 11:26 AM

I saw a UFO crash in our local park when I was 8, but four men in black hats said they would find and kill me if I told anybody.

by Anonymousreply 82January 11, 2018 11:32 AM

[quote]One Christmas my ENTIRE FAMILY raped me under the Christmas tree! —Cherish

Please, Dawn! Not on Christmas! Not on Christmas!

by Anonymousreply 83January 11, 2018 11:40 AM

Classic depression R16...I know because I live it daily.

My secret - I'm an unhappy, bored frau housewife who comes to the DL for social engagement.

by Anonymousreply 84January 11, 2018 11:46 AM

I sat on chi chi larue's face...

by Anonymousreply 85January 11, 2018 12:00 PM

[quote] I know who [R21] is, the dumbass cunt who does nothing but re-re-re-repost that tired Kathy griffin gif, and I'm going to stalk her and shove her in front of a bus.

Let me drive the bus.

by Anonymousreply 86January 11, 2018 12:03 PM

For years I had perfect credit, This Summer for no reason I just decided to stop paying my credit card bills. I don't open them, I don't answer my phone if it is a number I don't know and I am sure I have destroyed my credit. I had the money to pay the bills, I just stopped and I just kept not paying month after month and here I am. I am wondering what happens next because I have never done anything this reckless or impulsive.

by Anonymousreply 87January 11, 2018 12:04 PM

R52, I can totally relate. Although, it hasn't been as long 7 years. But we do have "dry spells" For all intense and purposes we are otherwise "the perfect couple" The bottom (no pun intended) line for me is: at this point in my life, I would rather have a mediocre sex life with someone I connect with perfectly in every other way, than a great sex life minus that perfect heart and soul connection. Ideally, I would have it all. But it is what it is, and we're both happy.

by Anonymousreply 88January 11, 2018 12:05 PM

I was physically and emotional abused by my Father until I escaped at 17 to get away from the constant abuse. Had little contact with either parent over the years. My mum died back in 2000. Last year, I received a call that my Father had died and since I was his only relative, I'd have to bury the abusive fuck and settle his personal and financial affairs. Took me almost three months to wade through it all, but in the end, I discovered that the abusive fuck left me $2.3 million. A year later and I'm still in shock, haven't told anyone.

by Anonymousreply 89January 11, 2018 12:05 PM

R69 made me laugh so much I woke up my boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 90January 11, 2018 12:13 PM

Being honest with yourselves, do gay people really feel "normal" or do you feel like you were born with an affliction? You only make up a small percentage of the population, so you are obviously "different" And truthfully you live your life differently than straights: having to douche your asses, random hookups in parks and in bathrooms, promiscuity, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, etc. Does this stuff make you happy or is it just "normal" to you? I'm not judging or criticizing but doesn't having to live like that make you feel empty or " different" to say the least? If you were to come back in another life would you come back as heterosexual?

by Anonymousreply 91January 11, 2018 12:15 PM

[quote]do gay people really feel "normal"

Absofuckinglutely. Just as bland and boring as those het folks gays fought so hard to be accepted by.

by Anonymousreply 92January 11, 2018 12:18 PM

I'm not gay, but whether you're being judgemental/ critical or not, fuck you.

by Anonymousreply 93January 11, 2018 12:23 PM

[quote] If you were to come back in another life would you come back as heterosexual?

No fucking way.

by Anonymousreply 94January 11, 2018 12:24 PM

I am in a terrific relationship with a great guy. I have a good job and have lots of friends and on the surface, I seem as well adjusted and normal as anyone in this idiotic era can be.

My secret is that I cannot love. I want to love my partner and my close friends. I tell people I love them. And I want to. I just don't know how. If all of them were to die in an accident, I'd move on. Find other people. I hear about love from others and I realize I just don't get it. I often wonder if that makes me a sociopath, but in all other ways, I'm not. I behave by all the rules, I give generously to others, people think of me as considerate and kind.

But I simply don't know how to love.

by Anonymousreply 95January 11, 2018 12:34 PM

R79 - there's nothing wrong with you, as long as you're enjoying life! Your friends who are obsessed with getting ahead are probably not enjoying life as much as you are. You're still young at 28, you have plenty of time to get caught up in the rat race of life.

by Anonymousreply 96January 11, 2018 12:37 PM

R95, I was in a relationship once with someone like you. I one day realized they were just "going through the motions" of love, kindness, etc. It was "learned" behavior by studying other humans in action. But it wasn't truly an emotion. This person considered themselves "damaged goods" due to upbringing. If parents only realized the damage they do.

by Anonymousreply 97January 11, 2018 12:43 PM

I have an eating disorder.

I had sex with an much older, married, right-wing politician as a return service for him helping me with something.

I secretly wish that my grandmother who is suffering from dementia would finally die.

by Anonymousreply 98January 11, 2018 12:50 PM

I work at home and hate my job. I fuck off all day, work in a frenzy for about 2 hours to get the work done, then watch tv the rest of the day, or shop online. During Christmas I just left and went shopping all day. No one noticed. The worst part is I don’t feel the slightest pang of guilt.

by Anonymousreply 99January 11, 2018 12:53 PM

if there is anything to be learned in this thread, it is that you never know what another person has gone/is going thru so it's always good to be kind or understanding when someone is not coming across very nicely.

r34 I hope you are grateful that you didn't kill your sister because your life would have been entirely different and it wouldn't have been good mainly because you would have had to live with that guilt your whole life.

by Anonymousreply 100January 11, 2018 12:57 PM

I've been around DL a long time and through many iterations of the actual site. This kind of thread is my favorite and probably why I wade through so much bullshit and keep coming back.

by Anonymousreply 101January 11, 2018 1:04 PM

I had sex with my cousin when I was 11, he was 21 at that time. First was just me fondling his dick and mutual masturbation, then eventually me blowing him. He went to his home town in 2008, but last August 2016 he returned to our house. We rekindled our little dalliance though I never had anal sex with him. I am now 22 btw.

by Anonymousreply 102January 11, 2018 1:04 PM

My ex asked to 'borrow' my credit card to pay for gas recently. He paid for gas, but then used it to pay for another $2000 in services. I felt humiliated, and told him to return the card or I'd cancel it. He doesn't know I was just diagnosed with liver disease, and I'm really scared. He would normally be the only person I'd confide in, but now I don't feel like I can, since he's shown me he's a crook. I hate this.

by Anonymousreply 103January 11, 2018 1:32 PM

R97 You are quite right -- you can learn the behavior of love, and mimic it rather successfully. But it's not really love. And yes, I was totally fucked over by my narcissistic parents who never loved me, or anything other than themselves.

Did you leave the relationship when you realized your partner couldn't love you?

by Anonymousreply 104January 11, 2018 1:47 PM

I am depressed and have been for a long time. I feel like I spend my time getting through each day with zero pleasure and plenty of mental and physical pain. It seems as if I am loitering around until I die.

by Anonymousreply 105January 11, 2018 1:48 PM

This is an excellent and thought provoking thread.

I have harbored the desire to kill a couple of times. The first was when I was 11 and my entire family was going through a severe crisis - my mom nearly died and my parents separated in the midst of this - I felt like all the adults where disconnected and floating in space around me since I was not privy to "adult information" - it was during this time while swimming with my brother I held him under, he was retrieving coins from the bottom of the deep end and I just swam above him and pushed him back down with my feet. I don't know what came over my but I felt both completely disconnected and full of power and I knew it would be fast. My dad saw me doing this and entered the pool and water boarded me basically in a rage - kind of like how do you like it?

The next time I felt this way I was taking care of my grandmother who kept getting drunk and going after me in rages, I thought, I could just crush some of her pills and end her miserable situation. In her rages both drunk and sober she would literally cry about wanting to die. She had no will to live and I had been there to help when my grandfather died - and I felt abandoned by everyone to deal with this situation. I was 22.

The next time, I was hiking with my boyfriend - who lied and cheated and gambled behind my back and as we hiked beside a raging river I thought - one push . . . this was not long after the episode with my grandmother so I would guess I was in some kind of clinical state that was related to a complete lack of control I felt over anything in my life and had a lot to do with both emotional security and even physical security about my living situations - just all of it.

The final time I wanted to kill, I was deployed in combat - and at that moment I knew these were not just ideas or delusions but that I was fully capable and would have absolutely no remorse - that is what got me about the early thought forms - the no remorse part, not that I wanted to do it in those instances, but that I felt there would have been no remorse. While deployed I absolutely knew, in my soul, I could take a life and just keep walking. This does something to your core.

I have not revisited the desire - I keep myself in therapy - but I am honest with myself about things. I don't let the shadow out, I don't feed it, but I don't pretend its not part of me either. FWW - I am a female.

by Anonymousreply 106January 11, 2018 2:12 PM

R58, come visit me in Philadelphia. I have a big cock and I’d relish a hot fuck date with you.

by Anonymousreply 107January 11, 2018 2:29 PM

I know that two of the biggest wankers in my office spent the 23rd of December getting their holes ploughed by various guys in a sauna. One of the pricks is married to one of the most unpleasant women I have to deal with in my office. Yes, I'm her manager. The other one is engaged to some naive little bit of totty from Ireland. Don't get me wrong - the idea of those two engaging in hot, sweaty and sticky mansex is rather a turn-on but, well, I've seen the married one's cock in the local gym and trust me, whilst he has the looks of a male model, he's got the equipment of a Sylvanian Family doll.

by Anonymousreply 108January 11, 2018 2:49 PM

R108

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 109January 11, 2018 2:55 PM

R95, You just summarized my situation. I'm in a long term relationship. I tell him I love him, but I don't. I have never loved anyone. I've been so self-sufficient my whole life (forced to by unorganized parents), that I don't need anyone.

Perhaps it's me. Perhaps I've never opened myself up emotionally to love someone else. Such is my life.

by Anonymousreply 110January 11, 2018 3:20 PM

Oh you will tell though, you bitch. You will tell.

So FORGET IT!

by Anonymousreply 111January 11, 2018 3:34 PM

I am uncomfortable around gay white men

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 112January 11, 2018 5:17 PM

R95,

I thought I was similar to what you describe. I enjoyed my friends, but knew if I moved away, I wouldn’t miss any of them terribly. I had a couple of boyfriends who were really great guys, but I never actually loved them. I enjoyed being in the relationships, but I always ended them for no apparent reason (other than they annoyed me or I realized it wasn’t going anywhere). I questioned whether or not I really loved my family.

More than 10 years ago, I met my partner and I do REALLY love him... like a crazy amount. We often “joke” that we don’t really like our friends. I don’t know how it happened, but we both really love each other.

Obviously I don’t know your situation well, but consider ending it with your BF (friendship may be good if he’s okay with it) and hold out for someone who you really love. If you find that person, nothing else will matter.

by Anonymousreply 113January 11, 2018 5:39 PM

I love music more than anything other endeavor, including interacting with most people.

In fact, the only people I can stand to be around are other musicians, everyone else seems as if they have a piece missing.

by Anonymousreply 114January 11, 2018 5:40 PM

I take weekly baths with my brother.

by Anonymousreply 115January 11, 2018 5:41 PM

I really hate working a normal job. I just can't submit to that routine no matter how hard it try. I think a good part of this is related to my depression, but I've never liked being forced to do things. I just want to take photos and write all day. My parents have always looked down on me for this.

The funny things is, I've done well at my jobs, I just hate being made to do shit I don't want to.

by Anonymousreply 116January 11, 2018 5:46 PM

R114

Interesting. I'm the exact opposite. I've been working in music for 22 years. I hate it, I hate music, I hate musicians. I would leave the industry but I can't do anything else. I'm a lifer - for better or worse.

by Anonymousreply 117January 11, 2018 6:07 PM

No one knows that I have no money.

by Anonymousreply 118January 11, 2018 6:13 PM

My best friend passed away recently. He was straight, but I had a huge crush on him (he knew it and teased me all the time). Going through his things at his house, I found a "Wizzinator," which is like a strap-on dick he used to beat required drug tests while he was on probation for a DUI. I'm not ready yet, but eventually it will end up in my ass.

by Anonymousreply 119January 11, 2018 6:30 PM

OK, Ill play. I am a straight guy who was raped repeatedly as a very young youth. I love looking at photos of cocks, and had 3 experiences under the influence of drugs in my very early 20s. I love my wife to death, but have not had sex at all for 6 years. The thought of actually being touched by a man or a woman now repulses me. I lost count but had over 1000 female sexual partners between my 18s and 45 years age. Many times I had the thought to kill the person after sex. Now I LOVE my family, but just cannot ever see having sex again. I oft times wonder if I am Gay, or Bi, or asexual, or just some sort of Dexter like person who makes believe I am a normal person. I should add i feel genuine love for animals, and extremely protective of young kids and people that are weak, or at a disadvantage. Oh last thing, I think there are genuine differences between the capabilties of races, some are pretty dumb some pretty smart BUT if I am ever in the prescence of anyone getting shit on for being a minority, I become fiercely protective of them. Finally I cannot spell or retain knowledge that well anymore, so figure I have early stage dementia. Oh yes one more thing, I really feel terribly for anyone who writes here that they are suicidal, or in tremendous pain.

by Anonymousreply 120January 11, 2018 6:42 PM

Everyone thinks I have no money. My parents left me a sizable amount, now all invested. I never told anyone. Not even my estranged siblings. I took it all, never told a soul. My siblings hated my parents and all took off when they could. I consider it my combat pay.

by Anonymousreply 121January 11, 2018 7:04 PM

According to this thread, most secrets are about avoiding shame and guilt. Then there are those who can't love, which I suspect is just related to the vagueness of the word, rather than truly feeling nothing for others. Finally, the people with murderous tendencies. The post at R106 was a little disquieting. I also wonder now how many people have wanted to murder me.

by Anonymousreply 122January 11, 2018 7:34 PM

[quote]I gave my nephew and his wife $5000 for a house and told nobody.

I'm still waiting to hear what the nephew had to do to "earn" this money.

by Anonymousreply 123January 11, 2018 7:43 PM

I drink on the job. Every day.

I have bad anxiety issues, which are probably exacerbated by alcohol, but I just hate what I do. I hate it. In the last year I decided to go from teaching to some corporate cubicle job--for pension? Benefits?--and I'm there all day, with no friends, no interaction, doing the same task again and again. I have had meltdowns because of this and I am going to quit. I drink during my breaks, I drink at lunch, I drink sips and sips to get me through this tedium and lack of communication and to dredge up motivation to keep entering the same data and to endure the fucking blank office people I deal with. I have no idea how anyone does work like this for decades at a time.

Don't lecture me about alcohol abuse, either. I am fully aware of what I am doing and its effects.

by Anonymousreply 124January 11, 2018 7:54 PM

R124,

How do you cover up the alcohol smell?

by Anonymousreply 125January 11, 2018 8:07 PM

I'm sure this is very common, but whatevs. I love my elderly parents, who are the last surviving of their generation, and dread losing them. The one thing I do look forward to is cutting off everyone but my two siblings after they pass. My family was very close when growing up, but I don't like what any of my cousins have become. Dead eyed, consumerist fraus and braus who can't hold a conversation about anything but their latest purchases. It's sad because my aunts and uncles were generally great people, but I've accepted that going to boring extended family things doesn't bring back the magic of my childhood. The idea of leaving behind those awkward, boring conversations behind forever makes me feel all warm inside.

by Anonymousreply 126January 11, 2018 8:08 PM

One time I ate a bowl of macaroni and cheese and I was so damned hungry that the elbow macaronis weren't fully cooked and were slightly crunchy.

by Anonymousreply 127January 11, 2018 8:26 PM

I have a partner of 13 years and a boyfriend of 2 months and neither of them know about the other.

by Anonymousreply 128January 11, 2018 8:28 PM

Don't worry, R124...someone will be here soon to helpfully suggest that you smoke pot instead.

by Anonymousreply 129January 11, 2018 8:41 PM

R125....lots of brushing teeth and sucking on peppermints and moisturizer and holding my breath.

by Anonymousreply 130January 11, 2018 10:06 PM

Having been abandoned by so many friends once they got married or they settled down to some facsimile of married life, I got tired of getting hurt and decided to become proactive. So for several years now whenever a friend, no matter how close, becomes engaged or they move in with someone, I cut them out of my life. I won't take their phone calls, emails, texts, nothing. If I happen to encounter them in public, I pretend they are invisible and walk away. I offer no explanations to any of them and if mutual friends ask why I've stopped being friends with anyone, I just say, "I'd really rather not talk about it."

It's my secret and I keep it to myself because no one would understand anyway. Besides, it really does feel better to walk away with dignity before you inevitably get forced out of their lives because you're too irrelevant.

by Anonymousreply 131January 11, 2018 10:49 PM

And, soon, r131, you’ll have no friends at all because no one will trust you. Problem solved.

by Anonymousreply 132January 11, 2018 11:03 PM

i am 26 and i still nurse on mommas teat....

by Anonymousreply 133January 11, 2018 11:13 PM

Thanks, r130!

by Anonymousreply 134January 11, 2018 11:15 PM

Contrary to one poster who misses social interaction at work, I work from home alone day in and day out and couldn't be happier. Big benefits include: Sleep in a bit later, if the weather is particularly bad outside, I cuddle up in bed and am thankful I don't have to get dressed up, fight traffic; I don't get the annual big flu epidemics anymore; I eat homemade lunches (don't spend money on costly processed take out food); I am with my pets 24/7; get housecleaning done throughout the day; grocery shop middle of the day when office workers are stuck in buildings; am efficient in my work as no office politics to deal with; and often work really hard in the mornings and take some afternoons off.

It feels so good to not have to deal with office politics. 90% of that stress is all gone.

I will probably work like this for another 15 years given the leisurely pace and hopefully retire with substantial savings.

by Anonymousreply 135January 12, 2018 12:16 AM

R128 , oh they will

by Anonymousreply 136January 12, 2018 12:22 AM

R95 I was just like you. I came from a traumatic family background, and shut down as a means of survival. I didn't feel love, I didn't feel anything. At most, I acted from a sense of duty. I did a lot for others, I knew how to read them and their needs well, and lost people were drawn to me. One day I decided to open myself up and take the good and the bad together, though the bad was incredibly frightening. All I had suppressed came out at once, and I fell into severe depression. It nearly cost me my life. I worked through it over the years, getting out of the depression, trying to allow myself to feel, and deal with things as they come. Trying to be brave. It has been over 10 years, and I can feel quite a bit of love, and care for the few people that I am close to. Though I suspect not as much as others feel, but much more than I ever had. It has been worth the work, and what I went through to get it. I think I will be working on it for the rest of my life.

by Anonymousreply 137January 12, 2018 12:31 AM

R135, how is this a secret you're keeping? Obviously not interacting with people has entirely destroyed your capacity for empathy.

by Anonymousreply 138January 12, 2018 12:38 AM

Everyone thinks I'm 38 but I'm actually 57.

by Anonymousreply 139January 12, 2018 12:54 AM

It's not a secret per se. It's my internal "secret thrill" of having by-passed the rat race. And this has zero to do with my ability to feel empathy, r138. Unrelated. I spent most of my life in dysfunctional work environments but have very good friends outside work.

I think you're trying to connect un-related dots.

by Anonymousreply 140January 12, 2018 12:58 AM

R139 = CZJ (with a gun to her head)

by Anonymousreply 141January 12, 2018 12:59 AM

You have the best revenge possible right in your hands, R89,

Take that money and give yourself the best life possible. Build yourself a beautiful home. Celebrate the rest of your life. Volunteer or donate money to child abuse service organizations, to animal shelters, to whatever speaks to your sense of justice. Take ownership of it and of your own life. Best wishes.

by Anonymousreply 142January 12, 2018 1:33 AM

i saw zac efron naked...

by Anonymousreply 143January 12, 2018 2:15 AM

R143 - please elaborate !

by Anonymousreply 144January 12, 2018 2:51 AM

I've struggled with depression and some other issues all my life. I've edged over into suicidal depression again and I haven't told anyone, including my therapist. I don't want to end up in the hospital. I was there once for 4 months once and don't want to do that again. The only thing keeping me alive is my cat; I don't want her to end up homeless or even unhappy. But she's almost 14 years old and though she's healthy, cats only live so long.

by Anonymousreply 145January 12, 2018 3:26 AM

After a few vodka tonics, my brother-in-law, whom I consider a brother, admitted he wanted my sister to get an abortion (she's expecting in July). He's already worn down by the two they have and feel he's lost his identity.

by Anonymousreply 146January 12, 2018 3:54 AM

[quote] i blew johnny carson

details, please. or are you just being a troll?

R115... I need to know more. sounds hot.

R120... that's an incredible story. i wish i knew you. i would love to hear the stories you could tell.

R124... me too. what do you drink? i do tequila before work and gin during work. then i go home and have some beers, lol. round-the-clock buzz. never too drunk. just a constant buzz.

by Anonymousreply 147January 12, 2018 4:11 AM

R132 this is not a thread for passing judgements.

I, actually, know how R131 feels and was amused by the post.

by Anonymousreply 148January 12, 2018 4:14 AM

[quote]Besides, it really does feel better to walk away with dignity

Really? Delusional much?

by Anonymousreply 149January 12, 2018 4:17 AM

R133 We've known that forever!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 150January 12, 2018 4:17 AM

This is weird to think about. I have lots of things that I'd never tell anyone but at the same time I've pretty much given up on people, so there's really nobody to hide things from.

by Anonymousreply 151January 12, 2018 4:19 AM

[quote] I've been around DL a long time and through many iterations of the actual site. This kind of thread is my favorite and probably why I wade through so much bullshit and keep coming back.

Mine too, but the rest is so underwhelming. Sigh.

by Anonymousreply 152January 12, 2018 4:21 AM

My boyfriend died of AIDS in the mid 90s. He had been evangelised as child, and in the last few months of life refused any sort of intimacy as his horrible uncle and aunt filled his head with threats of fire and eternal damnation if he did not renounce his sinful life, etc. In the funeral home, I walked up to the casket and was stroking his hand when I moved my hand down to his crotch and softly said to him as I fondled his dick " try stopping me now honey". I know that he would have laughed his ass off at what I did. He was a lovely lad.

by Anonymousreply 153January 12, 2018 4:27 AM

Thank you, R26, for speaking truth. We don't see that much of it these days.

by Anonymousreply 154January 12, 2018 4:42 AM

R142 Thank you for your magnificence and sage advice. Which is exactly what I will do once I finally get over the shock.

by Anonymousreply 155January 12, 2018 4:42 AM

[quote]It's my secret and I keep it to myself because no one would understand anyway.

R131 I'm the same. Got tired of being excluded once friends married. And worse, when their kids left home, included until the grandkids came along, then excluded again. I stay away from the married.

by Anonymousreply 156January 12, 2018 4:55 AM

I eat snot.

by Anonymousreply 157January 12, 2018 5:05 AM

I picked my nose!

I know this is bad, bad, and potentially very, very bad, but I can't help it!

by Anonymousreply 158January 12, 2018 5:33 AM

R121, enjoy, and be very prudent about whom you tell.

by Anonymousreply 159January 12, 2018 8:39 AM

The only reason I don't break up with my boyfriend is because of his dick and the sex. There is truly nothing else about him I like or care about. On days when we don't have sex, I wish he wasn't there.

by Anonymousreply 160January 12, 2018 10:50 AM

I am 49 and I have $2,000. in my savings.

by Anonymousreply 161January 12, 2018 6:48 PM

I just sniffed my best friend's pants. He's my flatmate and way cooler than me. He's gone out now with his boyfriend but I wish he was mine. I'm so lonely and quite drunk

by Anonymousreply 162January 12, 2018 7:07 PM

I have sex in the showers at the gym with a big bodybuilder every friday

by Anonymousreply 163January 12, 2018 7:12 PM

Some bad ones-

cross addicted to oxycontin and meth

haven't paid rent in six months. Landlord hasn't noticed. I have 4 roommates who don't know either.

by Anonymousreply 164January 12, 2018 7:12 PM

I really feel for you r164 That is a lot to keep in. I hope you can get help for that.

by Anonymousreply 165January 12, 2018 7:30 PM

R161 you are actually ahead of some people I know, as in flat ass broke!

by Anonymousreply 166January 12, 2018 7:34 PM

i once had sex inside the Vatican. With a big shot priest. (and yes, i was an adult)

by Anonymousreply 167January 12, 2018 7:42 PM

I do now, R128 -- I know your posting history.

by Anonymousreply 168January 12, 2018 7:50 PM

I turn into a wolf at the full moon and gobble people up, yum yum yum.

by Anonymousreply 169January 12, 2018 7:50 PM

ALERT, ALERT live bust at R168

by Anonymousreply 170January 12, 2018 8:43 PM

I do a lot of coke at work and tell people I have bad allergies.

I also have serious revenge issues: if someone is an asshole to me I’ll do something evil; when a frau pissed me off I left a note on her door that said “I’ve been watching you. If you don’t go on a date with me I’ll kill you.”

Must be my coke-addled brain.

by Anonymousreply 171January 12, 2018 9:48 PM

My BF and I have shared accounts but I have a wee bit of debt.

by Anonymousreply 172January 12, 2018 9:50 PM

Cheat on my loving partner constantly, especially with exes and old flings dating back years. Love coke sessions too but wary about effect on my career. I’m a straight laced preppy, upper middle class gay in finance, NYC.

by Anonymousreply 173January 12, 2018 10:08 PM

R173 ..you are playing it all out to a Tee!

by Anonymousreply 174January 12, 2018 10:24 PM

Ive found that I really love fist fucking guys, just something so fun about stretching open a guy and sliding into him. They seem to enjoy it also, its just not something I can tell friends about. So I always hope that my late night Craigslist ads go undiscovered and I never send a pic to someone who knows me.

by Anonymousreply 175January 12, 2018 10:25 PM

That's called mental illness R131

No maybes about it.

by Anonymousreply 176January 12, 2018 10:29 PM

Oh, c'mon, R176. It may sound cruel to you, but it's hardly mental illness.

by Anonymousreply 177January 12, 2018 10:32 PM

It's mental illness R177

Sane people don't do shit like that.

by Anonymousreply 178January 12, 2018 10:34 PM

^^And it's not cruel, it's sad.

The newly engaged/married/coupled friends must laugh, especially when he pretends he can't see them.

by Anonymousreply 179January 12, 2018 10:34 PM

Look up mental illness, R178.

Besides, why come to this thread to pass judgement? It's how threads like these die.

by Anonymousreply 180January 12, 2018 10:38 PM

I like to help the unfortunate R180. He needs help, not enablers.

by Anonymousreply 181January 12, 2018 10:39 PM

No one on this thread is asking for help, R181. But if you like feeling superior to those who post here, well that's your issue.

by Anonymousreply 182January 12, 2018 10:42 PM

I'm not saying I understand why he does it, and I'm not sure I agree it's mental illness, but why not just not have friends, or only make married or old friends who are unlikely to get married? Why make the friend knowing one day you will just drop them without actually knowing for certain how they will react?

by Anonymousreply 183January 12, 2018 10:50 PM

I'm not R176 either.

by Anonymousreply 184January 12, 2018 10:51 PM

That should be "they will act." Also, fine, I agree it makes sense these threads go better without judgement passed, although I know a lot of people who ghost and it's not that strange to me.

by Anonymousreply 185January 12, 2018 10:59 PM

My friends are tired of my depression. Everyone has a limit to their empathy. I no longer share personal details with them because I know they won't be supportive. I stay friends because I'm too old and crazy to make new ones.

by Anonymousreply 186January 12, 2018 11:04 PM

I do not rinse my dishes prior to putting them in the dishwasher , in fact I hardly scape them. When I open my dishwasher door my cat and dog come in and lick the food off the plates. I usually let them set for at least a week until I have a full load then run it on the heaviests cycle with the sanitary rinse. Everything comes out clean , my boyfriend is never in my kitchen so he is none the wiser.

by Anonymousreply 187January 12, 2018 11:31 PM

R187 you need to not put this on DL , but rather as a testimonial to the manufacturer!

by Anonymousreply 188January 12, 2018 11:33 PM

R188

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 189January 12, 2018 11:43 PM

But do you rinse your dildos before you put them in the dishwasher?

by Anonymousreply 190January 12, 2018 11:48 PM

r187 is so efficient he uses the shower as his toilet. Saves time.

by Anonymousreply 191January 12, 2018 11:54 PM

R190 No those go in the washing machine along with my "sex sheets" with hot water and oxyclean

R191 urine yes , feces no

by Anonymousreply 192January 12, 2018 11:56 PM

Am I the only one who killed a man just to watch him die?

About a year ago I was seriously depressed in constant physical pain and exhausted from anxiety. I had a dream that my dead aunt begged me to forgive myself and everyone else. So I started this mantra "I forgive myself and everyone". I do that all day and the pressure builds and builds until I have to put a pillow over my bother to yell and scream into. Luckily my closest neighbors are old and can't hear worth shit. When I am finished with the yelling and crying I can tell that the catharsis has brought about a significant change. Within a month the depression lifted. Within about 6 to 7 months a lot of the anxiety was gone. I generally wait 3 to 4 days to start the mantra again. Life keeps getting better.

by Anonymousreply 193January 13, 2018 12:31 AM

Lol pillow over my mouth. I leave my bother hanging out.

by Anonymousreply 194January 13, 2018 12:33 AM

I use my boyfriend's drinking problem as a justification for my cheating.

How ya doin' r173? Call me.

by Anonymousreply 195January 13, 2018 1:24 AM

[quote] My friends are tired of my depression. Everyone has a limit to their empathy. I no longer share personal details with them because I know they won't be supportive.

It bites, doesn’t it R186? I’ve been there and I feel for you, it’s like wearing a scarlet letter sometimes. I can’t speak to your experience and shouldn’t, but please know there are thousands of others in this life who know what you’ve been through. Acquiescence & solitude can even be beatific when it comes from a place of understanding.

We have to be so careful & guarded about our feelings. At my lowest point I made the mistake of letting everyone close to me know that I was hurting. I wanted to reach out and be honest, not solicit free counselling, but many I contacted took my message the wrong way and I never heard from them again. The memory of friends I’d known since gradeschool awkwardly ditching me over coffee or via text still stings me. I have lost or broken up relationships with old family friends, mentors and even a girlfriend because of the big D. My father barely speaks to me anymore (likely won’t ever) and my relatives walk on eggshells around me now. I don’t blame any of them, either; even I didn’t want to deal with me back then, as I was..

To their credit, a couple of my old HS friends initially tried to maintain a connection with me after I confessed, but it proved too hard (and I take the lion’s share of responsibility for those failures). I felt I couldn’t muster the energy to make new friends and that dug the depression in deeper. It is a tough funk to get yourself out of without a helping hand. Unless you’ve been through something like this, whether an inward emotional crisis or a more seriously stigmatised issue like homelessness, it’s hard to explain how deep the effect goes.

I’ve learned the same lesson as you; that you have to leave all the sad shit in your journal or in your counsellor’s office or in your group therapy circle, because most people ‘out there’ can’t or won’t spare you the time or the energy to vent no matter how much they claim to care. I have to say that this is something those with depression have to gracefully accept; once I lowered my expectations about anyone who isn’t kin or ‘inner circle’ my life became far less stressful and less sad & angry. I was also pleasantly suprised to find one or two people did stick around to help, and they weren’t the ones I expected to.

I’m not a FaceBook yoga Mom so I won’t be trite and “send you hugs/karma/(())” or “thoughts & prayers”, R186. I just hope you find an open line or two (I know that’s easier said than done). Humans thrive with even a single social bond that they don’t have to fake (really, get a puppy).

by Anonymousreply 196January 13, 2018 11:13 AM

[quote] I left my job , went to the gym starting taking HGH, had 15k of "work " done on my face. I am living the life I wish I had in my 20s.

Doubt it, no face lift is going to fool anyone that you look 20 again. You will just be one of those pathetic gays who refuse to age and mutilate their face until they look like Meg Ryan. Maybe in your head you are "living the life" but to outsiders you are just an old queen with a face lift and unresolved issues, AKA baggage that should have been sorted out in young adulthood.

by Anonymousreply 197January 13, 2018 11:23 AM

i willingly let my 2 older brothers shoot their loads into my mouth whenever they wanted. sometimes their friends also, if they were nice to me..

by Anonymousreply 198January 13, 2018 11:28 AM

Are you nuts? My mother had a face lift and a pussy lift at 51 when my dad died. Now she is pulling in tricks for 200 per hr, whereas she used to make only 75.

she looks unreal!

by Anonymousreply 199January 13, 2018 11:38 AM

I play with myself every night.

by Anonymousreply 200January 13, 2018 11:43 AM

[quote]My mother had a face lift and a pussy lift at 51 when my dad died. Now she is pulling in tricks for 200 per hr.

Facelifts work better on women the they do on men. So your mother is an old whore?

by Anonymousreply 201January 13, 2018 12:08 PM

My job, hires illegal aliens, they funnel money from their profit business, into the non-profit. The GM, the controller and all the dept heads, take kickbacks for favors, the people pay high prices, because those on the board, use high price vendors to supply, which they happen to either own or take kickbacks to their main company.

They pay off the city inspectors, they use day labor to fix their elevators, and fire escapes, they don't have the correct permits and they serve minors liquor.

by Anonymousreply 202January 13, 2018 12:11 PM

R202 Just another day in the USA.

by Anonymousreply 203January 13, 2018 12:15 PM

R95, you wrote the story of my life. The only entity I think I’ve truly loved is my dog, and on SOME days, I don’t even love him when he’s a little shit. But just the thought of him dying one day (he’s only a year old) gets me crying like a baby.

by Anonymousreply 204January 13, 2018 12:16 PM

So my boss who is female loves gay men. But she is bat shit crazy. She is on 3 different psychoactive drugs but somehow manages to run a company. She tells me everything about her personal life down to the gory detail because she thinks gay men are used to hearing that. She sees me as one of her best friends but after watching some of the manufactured bull shit she puts others through including myself, I feel absolutist nothing for her. I literally go to work each day and pretend to be a friend and all I think about is the money she is paying me and the next Amazon purchase I can make for putting up with her. Shes threatened several times to kill herself, calls me in the middle of the night so I can talk her down and I am so tired of it at this point I really dont care if she fallows through.

by Anonymousreply 205January 13, 2018 12:18 PM

I have a government job in a European country. Impossible to fire incompetents. An incompetent colleague made peoples' work miserable. Then I had to work for this colleague too. Miserable narcissist. I worked all the angles patiently for 3 years and now learn there will be "disability-to-early-retirement" announced soon.

by Anonymousreply 206January 13, 2018 12:19 PM

This isn't intended to be a sob story. But, I literally have no one. I have no siblings, both parents are dead. they died when I was in my 20s. I just moved to a new city. I tell people at work all the time that I'm fine and super busy with friends when they ask me if I want to hang out. In reality, I just go home and listen to music or read or walk my neighborhood. Every single day. Now that it's become habit, I don't have the will to even try and make friends or date.

by Anonymousreply 207January 13, 2018 12:21 PM

My secret is that I am an absolute racist...but here’s the catch...I’m rascist against everyone. I have shit to say about every race, including mine (I detest my people). I truly believe mostly everyone is somewhat rascist but people don’t want to vocalize it for fear of social rejection. Like with Dear Leader’s “Shithole” comment, my first reaction is to think, “that’s something i’d say”, but in public I clutch my pearls and act indignant.

by Anonymousreply 208January 13, 2018 12:27 PM

Doesn't that just make you a misanthrope, R208? You're not alone in this.

by Anonymousreply 209January 13, 2018 12:29 PM

R131 is right. Every time I've been dumped by a friend (twice), it's because his husband didn't want to share.

by Anonymousreply 210January 13, 2018 12:36 PM

My secret is I spend hours on DL...

by Anonymousreply 211January 13, 2018 12:45 PM

The people who can't love... It's so strange, but I kind of envy you. I get so hurt so often because I love certain people.

Life would be so much easier if it could be "He broke up with me. I don't care, I didn't love him. I'll move on" or "My mother died. Sad, but I didn't really love her, so I'll move on" or "My friend got married and shut me out. Oh well. I'll find another friend!"

While I envy you, in a way, I guess if I had to choose, I would remain the way I am. Which is insane because it's really been my downfall in many ways. But it seems to me that love is such an essential component- I'm not sure what the point of living is if you can't feel it. Of course, that's arbitrary. What's the point of it all anyway?

I just don't know.

by Anonymousreply 212January 13, 2018 12:55 PM

R208 That means you're the same as 85 percent of the gay men on this site.

by Anonymousreply 213January 13, 2018 12:55 PM

I have become obsessed with an Instagram/Youtube personality and my entire waking moment is ruined by thoughts of what is he doing and how can I meet him. I am in my mid-fifties and I know how pathetic it is so I don't even want talk to a counselor about it. I can intellectually understand how unreal and unhealthy this is but I still wake up in the middle of the night and check my phone for any updates to his status. I need help.

by Anonymousreply 214January 13, 2018 12:57 PM

R207 R208 You and everyone else on DL.

by Anonymousreply 215January 13, 2018 12:59 PM

r214 While I am not obsessed with an IG personality (though some think I am "defensive" about Max Emerson), I do have a crush on a real person in my life who is absolutely, unequivocally too young to have any similar interest in me. I'm not going to do anything about it, other than ponder how sad it makes me that this kind of thing doesn't go away as we age (I'm even older than you).

by Anonymousreply 216January 13, 2018 1:01 PM

R214 Yes you do. It's probably not him per se, but what he represents, or something you are missing. Please see a therapist.

by Anonymousreply 217January 13, 2018 1:04 PM

My secret that only my husband, my family and my closest friend know is that I have incurable cancer. I'll probably live another couple of years because I've responded well to treatment. But that's it. I've already gone beyond what the initial prognosis was. But now it appears that the cancer is becoming resistant to treatment. I don't tell anyone because I can't stand the pity. Most times I'm able to keep it out of my mind and I lead a normal life. But sometimes it blows. Treatment blows. Insurance company blows. I'm not afraid of death, though I get very sad when I think about what life will be like for my husband after I'm gone. But I'm terrified of the pain that's ahead.

by Anonymousreply 218January 13, 2018 1:08 PM

He doesn't need to see a therapist, R217. You just told him what's wrong with him.

by Anonymousreply 219January 13, 2018 1:10 PM

R218 I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You are a very brave man.

by Anonymousreply 220January 13, 2018 1:19 PM

R218 I hope you’re not anyone that I know because you sound like a strong and considerate person and I would be sad to know I may lose you. Glad you could vent here.

by Anonymousreply 221January 13, 2018 1:24 PM

R218 Can I have your stuff?

(DL humor, just kidding. I hope you cherish every day as it comes.)

by Anonymousreply 222January 13, 2018 1:31 PM

I am so repulsed by my own body that I have never taken my shirt off in hot weather or been naked with anybody.

by Anonymousreply 223January 13, 2018 2:28 PM

R209, I truly don’t know. I don’t dislike all people. As a matter of fact, some of my best friends and mentors are African American, yet as a group collectively, I dislike them, especially their politicians and clergy who I think are all opportunistic vermin. I think that’s the same problem with Trump, in which he dislikes blacks in general, but gets wet at the thought of Oprah. I just think that unlike Trump, I’m an equal opportunity hater (don’t get me started on white people) where Trump dislikes anyone but whites.

by Anonymousreply 224January 13, 2018 2:36 PM

I love my husband dearly, but I’ve been starting to wonder if he’s just lazy, unambitious, using me, or all of the above. He’s an immigrant that I married a year after dating because we love each other but also because it would help with his green card. That was 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, I’ve finished grad school and worked pretty steadily freelance in a fairly competitive industry. He got one job as a graphic designer that he left after a year because it was boring. He isn’t working though he applies online. I hustle and hustle and hustle and he just kinda sits around. He’s not aggressive about making friends or pursuing his career. He’s just not a go-getter. I know it’s hard because he’s an immigrant (white and blonde btw) but I think that everything has just been handed to him. I love the man dearly but I’ve decided that if these things don’t change in another 2 1/2 years (the 5 year mark where he’s free and clear to stay in America legally) I’m just going to move on even though I’ll be embarrassed to be a divorcee at 38. Our sex is ok. We’re both tops that flip from time to time. We’re semi open though I exercise my option more than him. I love him dearly and think he’s an amazing person, but if he doesn’t get it together I just see a future of me carrying him along on my back, and I can’t do it. I don’t want to be a nag. I want to give him the space to figure this stuff out. But I will not wait my entire life for him to do it. I love him, we have fun, and I think the marriage is good...but if he’s in the same place 2 1/2 years from now I will move on. Wow. I’ve never said that anywhere outside of my own head.

by Anonymousreply 225January 13, 2018 2:36 PM

R225: Is he from Norway?

by Anonymousreply 226January 13, 2018 2:39 PM

R225, since this is a bare your soul thread, I will resist offering advice. All I wil say is you have some choices to make. Have you talked to him about it? A kick in the pants works sometimes.

by Anonymousreply 227January 13, 2018 2:43 PM

225 here. He isn’t from Norway but from another country that is much spoken of in politics today. That’s all I’ll say.

I’ve talked to him a bit, but like I said I don’t want to be naggy. It’s also not at the point where it’s a total dealbreaker. We’re doing the young fun couple thing I suppose. We’re both early 30’s, though my career is on the cusp of kicking into high gear. However his lack of savvy and gumption is alarming. He’s an artist, and we were at a party with a gallery owner that wanted to see his stuff and he never followed up on it. That was over a year ago. He doesn’t get out to meet people. He isn’t aggressive about making friends. He’s not working and the extent of his job search is applying online which we all know is a road to nowhere. You’ve gotta get out and meet people. I haven’t given him an ultimatum yet but like I said...I won’t do this forever. Even though I love him like crazy.

by Anonymousreply 228January 13, 2018 2:55 PM

I know about "The Bet."

Some years ago this poor woman with an awful background story (severe child abuse) was going around to L.A. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and made 'friends' with a few celebrities and wealthy benefactors.

These Hollywood people actually made a bet on which month they could drive this poor woman to suicide.

Various people would harass her in different months, trying to get her to kill herself. Awful, awful behavior. Criminal behavior, actually.

Anyway, someone thankfully went to law enforcement and told who was involved.

Suddenly, she was left alone. Thank God.

This story has gotten around so much that it has become one of those horrible, nasty Hollywood legends. And it's all true.

by Anonymousreply 229January 13, 2018 2:57 PM

R228, NO COLLUSION!

by Anonymousreply 230January 13, 2018 3:07 PM

R229 - ok, so who are the people who did it? Don't give us some bullshit "I'm not at liberty to say." Clearly, you're dying to talk about it, or you wouldn't have posted it. If you can't say the names, that means you DON'T KNOW the names.

by Anonymousreply 231January 13, 2018 3:15 PM

R231, I'm not willing to get sued, but go ahead and ask around, plenty of people know about this. Most of the 'bettors' are still around, don't know about the victim with PTSD, she may be gone by now.

by Anonymousreply 232January 13, 2018 3:39 PM

R231, To my understanding the FBI was involved, which is another reason why I won't get to close to this, but when the assholes start dying off, or get arrested on other charges, expect a book or screenplay to be written.

I think I saw this story somewhere else on the internet though, perhaps CDAN?

by Anonymousreply 233January 13, 2018 3:42 PM

I don't envy people who to live to a ripe old age. I'm hoping I croak at around 73-75 years old because that seems reasonable.

by Anonymousreply 234January 13, 2018 3:59 PM

R234. Right. Until you're 73-75.

by Anonymousreply 235January 13, 2018 4:32 PM

i'm obsessed wit a man i had a very short fling 15 years ago. We literally only made up a couple of times, then he stopped calling me. We both left the city we lived in, we both had relationships and stuff since then. He now lives abroad. I found his FB and i managed to find a lot of other info via the internet. I stalk him, his current boyfriend, his friends and his family. There's absolutely no way to rekindle the flame, i even doubt he remembers me but i can't stop thinking about him. Sometimes i feel like he stole my life. I have never told anyone about this. By the way, i'm happily partnered with an absolutely perfect man.

by Anonymousreply 236January 13, 2018 10:51 PM

R236's Partner:

YOU IN DANGER GURL!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 237January 14, 2018 12:01 AM

thanks for the laugh, r237

by Anonymousreply 238January 14, 2018 12:03 AM

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

by Anonymousreply 239January 14, 2018 12:10 AM

I was somewhat racist when I was younger. It was just what I learned from my parents. Once I got out on my own, it went away, to the extent that it could.

I was mugged a few weeks ago. The worst affect has been when I walk around (and I do a lot) I'm much, much more skittish and careful. I don't want to be racist, but I have these involuntary reactions now as I'm walking. I HATE IT.

by Anonymousreply 240January 14, 2018 12:12 AM

I know what you mean, R240. The only guy who ever rape raped me was, how shall I say, not of my skin color. And the guy who but drugs in my drink was of another minority persuasion.

by Anonymousreply 241January 14, 2018 12:16 AM

The older I get the more I absolutely loathe and despise white women. I'm hitting a point where I can't be around one. The young ones are basics, and the old ones are narrow minded, ball busting cunts. Oh, and I find them unbelievably ugly as well.

by Anonymousreply 242January 14, 2018 12:44 AM

R218 you are a brave person , I wish you the best

by Anonymousreply 243January 14, 2018 1:05 AM

R218 is living with a burden I cannot imagine. I know someone who was diagnosed 5 years ago with stage 3 breastfeeding cancer. They caught it and she is taking chemo pills. She's still under the 5 year "all clear" but she's had a horrible series of other tragedies (husband left her, she had to pay him off to keep the marital home) and she works 7 days a week as she is basically starting her 30 year business over again as her ex set himself up as her competition in the same town stealing a good number of clients.

This doesn't help you. But I admire people who can face adversity. I got a small scare myself last August and I was a mess waiting for the results.

You are brave. I also wish you the best. Life is full of unknowns.

by Anonymousreply 244January 14, 2018 1:38 AM

*breast cancer*

by Anonymousreply 245January 14, 2018 1:39 AM

I'm thinking of getting a weave

by Anonymousreply 246January 14, 2018 1:48 AM

Gurl ,ya betta fix that weave !

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 247January 14, 2018 1:54 AM

I love this thread. There are so many secrets, none I would ever share. But I love reading yours.

by Anonymousreply 248January 14, 2018 2:10 AM

R228, been there and done that with a guy I met in England on business. He had dual US/UK citizenship. We were the same age but really he had not accomplished much in life. You're "partner" is not committed to the relationship at all except for the funny, young couple bit, which you are paying for. Send him on his merry way.

by Anonymousreply 249January 14, 2018 2:13 AM

i buy a book every other day on amazon, im addicted, there are so many good ones, cheap.

if i told my bf he would kick my ass.

shhhh

anyone else addicted to buying books?

by Anonymousreply 250January 14, 2018 2:44 AM

I sued a former employer for age discrimination and they settled out of court . ( I had iron clad irrefutable evidence ) . I told no one I was doing it after the lawyer took her piece I am set . I have been telling people I work from home as a contractor , actually I have been doing jack shit for the last six months.

by Anonymousreply 251January 14, 2018 2:55 AM

I work as a chef in a 5 start restaurant. After going to the rest room at work I never wash my hands after. I also drop cooking equipment and do not wash it.

by Anonymousreply 252January 14, 2018 3:08 AM

I’m a top who wants a big macho man to rape me. Where is he?

by Anonymousreply 253January 14, 2018 3:18 AM

R252 if you are not washing your hands after taking a shit, you should be shot. You like to kill people with E. coli?

by Anonymousreply 254January 14, 2018 3:22 AM

Your types are one of the actual reasons I avoid restaurants in general, r252. Carry on!

by Anonymousreply 255January 14, 2018 3:23 AM

Here are a few:

Since last spring I have lost 60 pounds, but I think I must have been eating compulsively, and since I stopped doing that I have been shopping compulsively, and am totally broke and have no savings

I love my friends, and I love my dog, but I am not able to fall in love. I have told people that I was in love with them, but I was lying because they told me they loved me. I don’t date anymore because I feel like it isn’t fair to the other person, since I will never feel romantic love for them.

I can count the number of people I don’t hate on one hand. If I had the means, and ability, I would create a genetically engineered super virus that would kill all human life on earth, but spare all of the other species.

When my dog dies I think I am done. He is 9 years old, and in very good health, and can probably live another 6 to 8 years. When he goes, I may follow him. This world is just too exhausting.

by Anonymousreply 256January 14, 2018 3:45 AM

R30...is there a place for straight women to post? How did you happen upon DL?

by Anonymousreply 257January 14, 2018 3:59 AM

Our collegiate madrigal group comprised of personnel from across the country was housed in dorms of a small private school in the South, where we were rehearsing just prior to our European tour. My assigned roommate turned out to be one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen--blonde, lean, vascular, with cum gutters, blue eyes & a gorgeous 70's "porn moustache"; we were the same height; I am German/Spanish with brown eyes/dark brown hair. We introduced ourselves and almost immediately started making out. I couldn't believe how beautiful his body was! I have never worshipped a body like I did his. Needless to say, it was a hot and heavy night and several afternoons after, until we left for the tour; we never talked much, I just got on top and rode and rode and rode him . . . we were assigned different roommates on the tour; eventually everyone returned to their respective homes & resumed life; approximately one year later I received a call from a mutual friend asking if I knew what happened to him & advising that he had committed suicide by blowing his head off with a shotgun while arguing with another mutual friend over a "girlfriend." Apparently he was drunk/high and the other guy didn't get to him in time. To say I was completely and totally devastated was an understatement. In our environment being gay and then committing suicide while on drugs was an automatic ticket to the hottest regions of hell; I had been planning on getting together & seeing what kind of a future we could hatch; this left me disoriented & depressed for some years. I wrote a piece of music about it that may get released someday; I eventually moved to SoCal & have been here ever since so I can be close to his grave; I visit when I can, tend to it since it seems that he has been completely forgotten by friends/family. I've never told anyone about this--it's very comforting for me to visit the cemetery & talk with my dead beautiful boy--no one will ever know the magic we had together . . .

by Anonymousreply 258January 14, 2018 4:48 AM

My father was abusive, fucked up the lives of my 3 siblings when they were young. 150 years of living crap lives and counting. When he died I had to deal with everything. After his funeral, I left it one year before I collected his ashes, then kept them under rubbish in the garage. He had wanted to be buried at sea so I guess that were his ashes would go. One day, years later, I unexpectedly came across the urn. I grimaced and picked it up. And promptly dropped it in the household waste bin. Glad to get the responsibility off my hands. No one has ever asked me what happened to them. He was my dad, but I think it was fitting.

by Anonymousreply 259January 14, 2018 4:56 AM

I was friends with a woman since our late teens. We were heavily in each others lives through her first marriage up until she started dating this obviously gay guy when we were in our late 30s. Everybody on the planet could see this guy was the last queen ! I even sat her down and point blank told her,as a gay man,this guy was gayer than a Paul Lynde variety hour show .She still deluded herself and married him anyway. When she did so,she had a son who was 9 or so,a very sweet shy boy. One day she and I were sitting by her pool and I told her I was going to head home but wanted to pop inside to say goodbye to her son and husband.

As I was headed to her sons room,I could see into his room from a mirror hanging in the hallway and I saw her husband sitting on the bed,holding a round bolster pillow in front of his crotch,and her son was acting like he was going down on it. I knew instantly right then and there he was sexually abusing that kid,I felt it to the core of my bones. I quietly backed out,went home,and basically froze her out. I couldnt deal with the knowledge,or the guilt I felt for not saying something ,but how do you tell a newly married and very happy woman something like that ?

She contacted me last year after a decade or so of not talking and informed me she had cancer. Her son is married now,but a complete and total fuck up who cant get a decent job though hes incredibly smart and college educated. I cant tell her why I think hes the way he is.So I kept ghosting her. I feel horrible about it,we were very close for a long time,but I just dont want to think about all that.

by Anonymousreply 260January 14, 2018 5:23 AM

I don't think I feel things the way other people do, I seem to be constantly filled with either anger, sadness or anxiety and I don't know if those have taken up the room for other emotions or what but I seem to feel those three or nothing.

by Anonymousreply 261January 14, 2018 10:25 AM

Someone lost a file. I found it.

by Anonymousreply 262January 14, 2018 10:40 AM

Who, ME?

by Anonymousreply 263January 14, 2018 10:49 AM

I have a beautiful asshole.

by Anonymousreply 264January 14, 2018 1:51 PM

r249 you may be right, but like i said - 2 1/2 years. I love him far too much to put him in the situation of being an illegal immigrant again.

by Anonymousreply 265January 14, 2018 2:40 PM

R228 - have YOU ever tried a different perspective? You say you love the man, but to you he is "unmotivated" because he does not want to devote all of his time to becoming what you call "more successful". I did this for years, have a lot of money, and now look back and learn from those who do not equate success with job titles. You strive to do better in the job market because that is what you were taught-- trust me, it means nothing at the end of the day. If you have found a person you love, count your blessings, because you have more than most. Life is about loving the ones were with, not wishing they were something they are not.

by Anonymousreply 266January 14, 2018 3:32 PM

I've been regularly sucking off both men of the gay couple who live in the apartment directly above mine and my 11 year partner's. Neither neighbor knows I service his partner also, and my partner doesn't know about them.

by Anonymousreply 267January 14, 2018 4:28 PM

I have raped countless men with my eyes. I have an unnatural obssession with the male bulge, especially when there’s VPL. I don’t know what changed in the last 5-7 years but I see it everywhere. I would love nothing more than to sit at a busy airport for days, watching men’s baskets. Hope that helps.

by Anonymousreply 268January 14, 2018 5:10 PM

R64's story was heartbreaking. That poor dog.

by Anonymousreply 269January 14, 2018 5:44 PM

I think my boss has dementia. Or something contributing to disturbing memory loss relating to recent events. Anyone with experience on how to address this concern from standpoint of delicate investigation? Age would be mid 60s.

by Anonymousreply 270January 14, 2018 6:05 PM

[quote]I have an unnatural obssession with the male bulge, especially when there’s VPL.

To be fair gurl that's practically a DL entry requirement, so not close to 'unnatural' here.

by Anonymousreply 271January 14, 2018 6:51 PM

I live in the sticks and almost 30 years ago I saw a neighbor sexually abusing his 6 year old daughter down some fields. I was a young teen and told my parents who went into his in-laws house to talk with them about what I had seen. With hindsight I suppose they thought it could be sorted out within the family. Ten years later she died of some disease. The father is a religious nut. I thought of going to the cops, but nobody is alive except the abuser. My word against his.

by Anonymousreply 272January 14, 2018 6:59 PM

I've had two cousins snap and kill their ex-girlfriends and one killed his ex and her family.

by Anonymousreply 273January 14, 2018 7:03 PM

Sorry your family is filled with psycho losers, R273.

by Anonymousreply 274January 14, 2018 7:10 PM

They both come from a part of my grandfather's family we never really had anything to do with, a part riddled with violence and drug/alcohol abuse, neither of them really had a chance.

by Anonymousreply 275January 14, 2018 9:22 PM

Not that it excuses what they did of course.

by Anonymousreply 276January 14, 2018 9:23 PM

R272, accidents happen everyday ...dig a hole deep enough and he will never be found

by Anonymousreply 277January 15, 2018 2:09 AM

R277 = Vera Donovan

by Anonymousreply 278January 15, 2018 2:21 AM

I've divulged this here before. My aunt turned out to be my grandmother, the mother of my father. My grandfather is also my great-grandfather who raped his own daughter when she was thirteen, my aunt/grandmother..

And my dad raped my older sister who as a young teenager gave birth to a daughter. That daughter was given up for adoption.

Only my partner and I know both facts, along with all Datalounge. I have no genetic issues as my parents weren't related but I wonder about my niece who would be in her middle fifties now.

by Anonymousreply 279January 15, 2018 2:24 AM

r279 Is your dad Marcus Wesson?

by Anonymousreply 280January 15, 2018 2:50 AM

I'm temporarily living at my grandma's while I wait for my boyfriend to set things up so we can move in together and work as partners in our own business. During these last couple of months I became close friends with my nana's nurse, a sweet 30something woman with a 16 year old daughter she had when she was a teen.

So, since I have an open relationship and I only see my bf once a month (we're 4 hours apart at this moment) I decided to give Scruff a try to hook up with someone. Long story short, I ended up talking to this faceless muscle bear who wanted to fuck me real hard. My profile had no face pic (small town and all) and we chatted a bit.

He sent me his face pic and wanted me to come over for a quicky, since we were literally on the same street. It turns out that he is the fiancee of the nurse I've grown to like as a friend so when I realized it was him I blocked him and uninstalled the app.

To make matters worse, I've learn from her that the father's daughter raped her and forced a marriage at the age of 16. Today they are divorced and he lives with another guy and we all think he did this to her so he could hide his sexuality. I didn't even know this, but apparently you need to pay about 1k to the catholic church to nullify a wedding if you want to marry in the church again (why?). I've learned this because she asked my help writing a letter to the Bishop or whomever is in charge to explain the situation so she can then, marry the hot scruffy guy.

I've been living with this secret for 3 months and feel so guilty and kind of a coward. The guy is a cop so I'm afraid if I say something he'd kill me. I thought about sending an anonymous letter, but I'm so paranoid with the prospect of him putting 2 and 2 together (he knows I'm gay, since he was jealous of me at first, so she told him I have a boyfriend). We actually say hello to each other everyday and sometimes some small talk. This is a small town and there's only a few guys on scruff. I deleted all my hook up apps since and I'm kinda paranoid.

I feel very shitty too. I only told my boyfriend about it and he scoffs and tells me to move on and let the world do its thing. However, I think sometimes it's just very unfair that this woman will once again marry a guy who will cheat on her with other men. He treats her really well, she says the sex is great and he really likes her daughter as if he were her father.

Well, that's it.

by Anonymousreply 281January 15, 2018 8:50 AM

I'm not a paying member so it might take a while for me to answer any questions. Thanks. It was really good to share this.

by Anonymousreply 282January 15, 2018 9:08 AM

Don't let her marry a closet case that might end up infecting her with something he catches from a random trick R281, it sounds like the poor woman has been through enough already.

by Anonymousreply 283January 15, 2018 9:17 AM

I seriously don't know what to do. I feel so guilty I've been avoiding her as much as I can, finding stuff to be busy with. I'm genuinely afraid that if I send her an anonymous letter he will realize it was me. She told me that when they met 6 years ago he even considered going after the girl's dad to kill him after he learned the whole story. He seems really level headed but he's a man with a gun.

My mom would be the first person to tell and ask advice, but I'm so paranoid I don't really wanna get anyone involved. My mom will visit in three weeks. I feel really shitty for keeping this a secret. :(

by Anonymousreply 284January 15, 2018 9:27 AM

why are you labeling yourself as guilty, r284? the only thing you had to do with any of that mess was discovering it.

by Anonymousreply 285January 15, 2018 9:48 AM

I feel like now I have the obligation to tell her and that if I don't I may be accessory to whatever bad happens to her in the future. I can't help it. First time in my life I really don't know what to do. I feel a little like the guys here who witnessed the child abuse and did nothing and the lady who never told her sister her husband hit on her. Though I might follow the lady and die with this secret. I'll be leaving here soon.

by Anonymousreply 286January 15, 2018 10:01 AM

Years ago I came home from High school to walk in on my dad letting the family dog lick his dick. I turned around and walked out and we never spoke about it and I would forget it about it for long stretches of time. I thought it was weird and gross but for some reason it didn't make me dislike my father. I just felt sad for him. It was kind of pathetic. My dad was a good guy despite that bizarre moment.

by Anonymousreply 287January 15, 2018 12:12 PM

[quote]I came home from High school to walk in on my dad letting the family dog lick his dick.

First laugh of my day.

by Anonymousreply 288January 15, 2018 12:48 PM

[quote]I thought it was weird and gross

I wasn't wild about it myself.

by Anonymousreply 289January 15, 2018 12:56 PM

Not R279 and don't have any such complicated family issues in my immediate family/current generations........but it appears if you go back a few generations our family tree is a pretzel. I'm pretty sure that my 3 times great grandfather raped and impregnated his daughter (gg gram to me) and potentially also THEIR daughter (my great gram).

Yes, we were hillbilly trash, and some parts of the family still are.

by Anonymousreply 290January 15, 2018 1:09 PM

R281, you could wait until you move out of your grandmother's house and send an anonymous letter, but even if you did warn this woman, she probably wouldn't believe you, or she'd go to the guy and he'd make her believe it wasn't true.

by Anonymousreply 291January 15, 2018 1:25 PM

The next time I will open up to Anybody is at my autopsy.

by Anonymousreply 292January 15, 2018 1:38 PM

r281 Your boyfriend is right, this is none of your business really, you are not Captain Save a Ho, it sounds like this chick makes shitty decisions, as Patti Stanger would say, "she has a broken picker" Yeah it's awful but what can you do? I bet if you told her she'd be pissed at you and still marry him and he'd be pissed at you too. I say move it along, toots. And stop feeling bad, it's not your fault but cheating on your bf is, stop being a whore, darlin.

by Anonymousreply 293January 15, 2018 2:29 PM

Well, I think I'm starting to fall in love with my "straight" friend -- which pisses me off, because I'd really like to think that I could be friends with an attractive guy and it not "go there." He has a serious gf who I like very much too, but he and I also had a threesome together with another woman, where I got to give him head during, and I think that jump started things. We hang out most every day now and it's more and more like a relationship without the sex. But he gets that from his gf and I get nothing. I know I know -- I would tell anyone else to run, and that it will end in tears, but I refuse to think I can't just be friends. But that is my secret, although I'm sure he senses it, and gives it back too. Joke.

by Anonymousreply 294January 15, 2018 2:35 PM

[quote]he and I also had a threesome together with another woman, where I got to give him head during, and I think that jump started things.

It would be hard for me to forget something like that happened.

by Anonymousreply 295January 15, 2018 2:38 PM

“got to,” r294?

as in, he offered? or did you trip and face-plant right to the hilt?

by Anonymousreply 296January 15, 2018 4:52 PM

The Seekers "Lady Mary"

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 297January 15, 2018 4:55 PM

R294 He has you where he wants you. He gets friendship bordering on worship and a channel to quick blowjobs if he wanted - he may not be taking advantage of it now, but the time will come, possibly.

And then he can "be serious" with a woman.

I would actually observe that as much as you complain, you like this situation, because your ego is flattered that a hot straight stud let you blow him (did he cum in your mouth?) and excited by the mystery of what MIGHT happen.

It's also easier and safer for you, because you don't have to commit to anything, and you don't have to look deeper and wonder or worry why you're still single. You can just blame it on someone else and not take any accountability for what's happened this way. It won't be your fault - it will be his, or hers, or someone else's.

by Anonymousreply 298January 15, 2018 6:07 PM

Loving this.

by Anonymousreply 299January 15, 2018 8:21 PM

R294, if you're gonna disclose that you sucked off your friend, you cannot leave out details

by Anonymousreply 300January 15, 2018 9:25 PM

I met this guy on Craigslist and we fucked and couple weeks later he hired me for some design gig. He was a con artist so I lost $3,000 and he still used my hard work to con more people.

Police was of no help so I sucked off my weed dealer and told him of the death threats the guy was sending me on Facebook and he send some dudes to take care of business.

I don't know what happened to him and I don't care. His last Instagram photo was posted a month ago. Oh well...

by Anonymousreply 301January 16, 2018 12:47 AM

When you say you lost $3000 r301, do you mean that he didn't pay you that much or did you also give him money? Just curious.

by Anonymousreply 302January 16, 2018 12:49 AM

Good for you!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 303January 16, 2018 12:56 AM

I meant he didn't pay me for my work.

by Anonymousreply 304January 16, 2018 1:03 AM

"Let the dog lick his dick". He "let" the dog do that. Because that's a frequent request from dogs the world over...

by Anonymousreply 305January 16, 2018 1:10 AM

R30, I am amazed how similar my story is. My aunt's husband traveled to see me and tell me he was "in love with me.". I was in my 20s, he in his 40s, I said no and was able to get out unscathed (other than skeeved.)

There was one other time we were briefly alone and he kept talking about getting a divorce etc. And other times he tried to get me to go with him for something but I always got out of it.

I do recall he would kiss me on the lips and it freaked me out. In fact, I forgot about all of this until relatively recently (I'm now in my 50s)

After that, I kept my distance and unfortunately it affected my relationship with my aunt. He died an early death (pancreatic cancer) and for some reason he didn't want me visiting him. I was happy to oblige.

It's hard because he's spoken of as this wonderful guy. Not just my aunt, but her daughter's held him on a pedestal. One even got his picture tattooed on her back!!

I've never told anyone and my aunt has asked me why I grew distant. Like you, I realize there's no benefit sharing the secret but it's been hard trying to come up with a reason.

by Anonymousreply 306January 16, 2018 1:41 AM

Hmmm so many questions about the dog (but I won't ask or make any jokes).

Thank the lord you didn't freak out.

So sweet of you to still care for your dad, and not make fun of or shame him. I too think this is sad, so your head and feelings are in the correct place.

God bless you for being the best son and friend ever.

by Anonymousreply 307January 16, 2018 1:43 AM

R305 para los lulz: "Because that's a frequent request from dogs the world over..."

by Anonymousreply 308January 16, 2018 11:24 AM

[quote] The next time I will open up to Anybody is at my autopsy.

MARY!!

by Anonymousreply 309January 16, 2018 12:22 PM

R298 take your five cents as I’ve thought out your whole response before and definitely take my own responsibility. You’re absolutely right that this is safe for me in some way and keeps me away from a real relationship, sure. The topic of the thread though is what secret are you currently keeping and mine is my weird/over developed feelings for my friend FROM him although I’m sure he senses. And my point was I would not like to think the only alternative is to distance myself or not be friends as we have a great connection on so many levels. But he definitely LOVES the attention and ego boost and gets more of a deeper connection with me on many levels that he doesn’t get with a girl. It’s a bummer really but that is life.

As far as BJ details, this was a threesome with a different woman not his gf. And during it we all had foreplay and I blew him a few times and played with his hole, but we both came from fucking her. How’s that ?

by Anonymousreply 310January 16, 2018 1:00 PM

Did he blow you, R310?

by Anonymousreply 311January 16, 2018 1:02 PM

(R54) I was addicted to Oxycontin for over 5 years from prescriptions written from my doctor. As I required more pills, I went to a second pain doctor and was getting another opioid (Opana) to take with the Oxy. This went on for about 3 years and neither doctor found out. Then I was laid off and couldn't afford either. So I went to a treatment center and went on Suboxone. It was a godsend. I was on Suboxone for about 3 years and finally got off of it. I was fine until about 4 years later I needed a knee replacement which meant I also needed painkillers. ThTis doctor prescribed Oxycodone and Hydrocodone for about 3 months. After he told me he couldn't give me anymore, I went into withdrawal again. So I went back on Suboxone. That was 2 years ago. I'm still on Sub but a very small dose. I haven't taken any other opioids since (Suboxone is an opioid but doesn't give you the high feeling). Hopefully I can't get off of it soon too. But for anyone suffering from opioid addiction I plead with you to try and get on Suboxone. It is a wonderful drug that completely takes away withdrawal symptoms and you have a clear mind. I've never used heroin but people who have that go to the treatment center says Suboxone does work for most of them. I wish you the best.

by Anonymousreply 312January 16, 2018 1:11 PM

R311. Nope.

by Anonymousreply 313January 16, 2018 2:26 PM

An aunt, who I despise( she's a bitch and a schemer), recently visited my parents and left her scarf behind. When I dropped by to visit them I noticed it, and my mother said "She's always leaving something." When my parents were in the other room I picked it up and spit on it and folded it neatly back.

by Anonymousreply 314January 16, 2018 3:50 PM

R314 You should have wiped your ass on it.

by Anonymousreply 315January 16, 2018 11:40 PM

R306 Seems to me like your aunt has suspicions about her husband.

by Anonymousreply 316January 16, 2018 11:44 PM

I'm not being sarcastic R316 -- I never considered that. She is quite naive, very religious Catholic. Trumper.

But you could be right I guess. I've kept my distance so I don't know her as well as I used to. Was shocked she watches Fox and is a Trumper. Thanks for giving me something to think about. I was surprised I suppressed it for so long.

by Anonymousreply 317January 17, 2018 2:17 AM

Wise words, r266. I’ll listen to them.

by Anonymousreply 318January 17, 2018 2:34 AM

Im sorry R318,they arent really. Unless you dont have a problem with supporting your "love" for the rest of his life,you seriously need to light a fire under his ass. TRUST me,after a while,you will resent him not pulling his weight,or even trying. He doesnt want to burn up the corporate ladder,fine,but he needs a job of some sort,even if its a shop bottom. For his own self esteem. No person worth their salt lets someone totally support them for very long.

My first love was a diesel mechanic that made killer money (I know,it shocked me too) and he could have easily supported us both very well on the money he made. He was the main bread winner for 12 years,but I ALWAYS had a job of some sort.Not just for him,but for my own self worth.Many times in our first 5 years together we traveled all over for his job,and depending on how long we were going to be in an area,I ran right out and picked up something,even if only for a month or two.You could only spend so much time in a motel room or monthly rental watching cable. My little earnings were our "luxuries" money.

My long drawn out point is,he has to earn for himself,not just you.

by Anonymousreply 319January 17, 2018 5:11 PM

My bf jokes that I’m fucking my hag. He’s just kidding, but little does he know...I actually am fucking her.

by Anonymousreply 320January 17, 2018 5:41 PM

Sounds like a good story, R320. Does he know you're bi?

by Anonymousreply 321January 17, 2018 5:48 PM

I’m gay. Or at least I was.

by Anonymousreply 322January 17, 2018 6:26 PM

I had a sister who died a few years ago. That's a long story in and of itself, but not the secret.

One of her friends found me on FB. She didn't know about my sister and was very sad to learn.

About an hour after I told her about my sister's passing, she sent me a message and told me that when she was 17 and my older brother was a year or two younger, he raped her.

I'm not sure who or what to believe, but I haven't told anyone. She was a crazy bitch back then but something tells me she's telling the truth.

by Anonymousreply 323January 17, 2018 6:53 PM

R323, i obviously have no idea if she's telling the truth, but the fact that she needed to tell you that info an hour after you told her about your sister's passing does speak volumes about her.

by Anonymousreply 324January 17, 2018 6:56 PM

[quote]About an hour after I told her about my sister's passing, she sent me a message and told me that when she was 17 and my older brother was a year or two younger, he raped her.

Who was raped? Your sister or the woman?

by Anonymousreply 325January 17, 2018 6:58 PM

I have been sleeping with my masseur. Great man. After 2 years of being very caring and a great masseur, he told me he was moving to another neighborhood and that he could not come to my place anymore. He had always been and, although I liked him a lot, he was too good a masseur to mess it up. I always tried not to get an erection on his table. Every time that we would have an appointment, I would work out like crazy in the morning and then jack off, once or twice so as not to get hard. On the last day, he was very affectionate around my glutes and my inner thighs. A lot more than usual. So I decided to let things happen. And they did. Fireworks. It was wonderful. I see him occasionally. And now my muscles are sore after he leaves.

by Anonymousreply 326January 17, 2018 7:08 PM

R325 Her friend. My sister's friend claimed my brother raped her.

by Anonymousreply 327January 17, 2018 7:15 PM

R327 R323 How old was each of them at the time?

by Anonymousreply 328January 17, 2018 7:17 PM

R324 That's kinda how I feel. I wouldn't put her trying to shake us down for money past her. Though this would have been like 30 years ago so she can't do much other than confront him.

Granted, I also wouldn't put violence like that past my brother, who would have to crawl up several miles to get to the level of trailer trash. How we're even from the same species let alone the same family is beyond me.

by Anonymousreply 329January 17, 2018 7:17 PM

R328 it's in my post at R323

[quote] when she was 17 and my older brother was a year or two younger, he raped her.

by Anonymousreply 330January 17, 2018 7:17 PM

In my state, R330, someone could turn that into "she raped him," because he was 15 and she was 17.

by Anonymousreply 331January 17, 2018 7:19 PM

R323 and R330, I would take R331's advice. If he was, in fact, not of consent age at the time, I'd turn the tables on the self-involved, little shit and accuse her of rape.

by Anonymousreply 332January 17, 2018 7:23 PM

I blocked her that day. She started ranting and I was like, no ma'am, I don't speak crazy bitch. But I don't know who to believe, for sure.

by Anonymousreply 333January 17, 2018 7:24 PM

That was probably the wisest think to do, R333. Don't engage crazy.

by Anonymousreply 334January 17, 2018 7:29 PM

Thank you, R334. I want to help anyone who may have been a victim, but my Spidey senses told me to reinforce my boundary on that one. If she needs to confront someone, it can and should be my brother.

by Anonymousreply 335January 17, 2018 7:37 PM

I'm perfectly healthy, good looking, middle aged guy and I haven't had sex, really even a date, since 2010. I don't share this because my lack interest in hooking up is freakish in the gay community.

by Anonymousreply 336January 17, 2018 8:25 PM

When I was in high school, my public schoolteacher father was arrested for spying on girls in the the girls locker room shower. He killed himself about 10 years later. I'm just grateful the arrest was before the rise of 24/7 news channels, social media and sites like this, so it was only local gossip and so I could move out of state, and this secret didn't haunt me for life. None of my friends know.

by Anonymousreply 337January 17, 2018 8:30 PM

I'm sorry, R337.

by Anonymousreply 338January 17, 2018 8:36 PM

R336, what was your trigger for going celibate?

by Anonymousreply 339January 19, 2018 1:06 PM

When my father was alive he built up a big savings account that nobody but me was aware of. In his early 60s he put my name on the account. When he died I was supposed to split it equally with my brother. The account was worth $68,000.00. I kept it all. If you knew my brother you'd be patting me on the back.

by Anonymousreply 340January 19, 2018 1:20 PM

Fucking hell, R102, sorry for what happened to you.

I hope you recognise that what your cousin did to you was statutory rape which is fucked-up and illegal, whether you liked & wanted it or not. 11 year olds are kids and should not be having sex, even with other 11 year olds let alone older people. I hope you have no lasting trauma and that your sex life from then on was less exploitative.

Honestly, I’m not sure it’s healthy that you keep your abuser (because that’s what he was) in your life, but it’s your decision ultimately.

by Anonymousreply 341January 19, 2018 1:35 PM

I was gonna post that I still feel abiding guilt for falling for my younger cousin (younger by 4 years) from afar, but R102’s story makes me think I don’t have much to be worried about. I haven’t so much as ever kissed my cousin or touched him, I just fantasise about being with him (romantically, it’s not even dirty).

It’s not even scandalous or worth keeping secret anymore because we didn’t grow up together and we’re very much legal (I’m 26, he’s 22), but I felt shame when I was (a very sheltered, virginal & immature) 19 and clearly swooning over my 15 year old cousin at reunions. I’ve grown up some and been around the block since then, but it bugs me that I still think about making love with this boy at least once a week. I don’t like feeling like an obsessive creep with a crush, to the point that I avoid him and have him blocked on SM so I don’t feed my fixation. It’s hard because we were cute playmates as younger kids and our shared family expects us to still be close buddies like brother & sister...but the tension is too weird now.

Let me stress that I never did anything about my feelings then and I haven’t now, and honestly I wish I could just forget about him forever as this crush is already several years old and going nowhere. We never speak or see each other anymore, we’re not compatible and are going different directions. But I still want him anyway and feel pathetic. It’s like there’s a universal force that flows whenever we’re together, like we look into each other’s eyes or stand close together and suddenly everything makes atomic sense. I can’t live on the crumbs he throws me anymore, though.

And here’s the clincher - I’m not a straight girl, he’s my exception. If my lesbian friends knew....

by Anonymousreply 342January 19, 2018 1:49 PM

R342 The "hetero-reveal" in the end destroyed the entire sexy story. My entire upper body slumped towards my desk in disappointment when I read that. Why do this to gay readers on a gay site.. I will never understand.

by Anonymousreply 343January 19, 2018 3:08 PM

PLEASE STOP THE INCEST STORIES

by Anonymousreply 344January 19, 2018 3:11 PM

OR POST THEM ON NIFTY INSTEAD - WHERE THEY BELONG

by Anonymousreply 345January 19, 2018 3:15 PM

r323 Yeah, what everyone else says. That chick is one of those assholes that has to one up everyone with a better, more tragic story. Even if your brother did rape her, so? You are not your brother's keeper, why would she burden you with this? She should have told someone years ago. Don't feel bad about it, don't even think about it. It's none of your goddamn business, people would be wise to remember that advice, stay in your own lane and what other people think of you is beyond your control and none of your business anyhow. I'm glad you blocked her and you shouldn't give it a second thought.

by Anonymousreply 346January 19, 2018 3:21 PM

R346 Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 347January 19, 2018 4:51 PM

I wish I were single. I love him, I suppose. But, little things bug the fuck out of me, and when he goes away, I LOVE being alone. I fantasize about it.

by Anonymousreply 348January 19, 2018 5:29 PM

I don't think anything "triggered" me to celibacy. Part of why it is a secret, people presume I must have a pathology. I'm happy and content single, and don't feel the desire to pursue coupling, or have the patience for the gay rituals necessary to get sex. I'd pay for sex if I had the expendable income. Come in, do it, get it over with, leave.

by Anonymousreply 349January 19, 2018 8:10 PM

R349, you don't have to explain celibacy to anyone, or apologize for it.

Many more people are celibate by choice than you can imagine, I think the culture has demeaned sex so much it's becoming repulsive to sensitive people.

And then there are the types who talk WAY too much about their private sex lives--I think they are overcompensating for an unfulfilled life.

by Anonymousreply 350January 19, 2018 8:17 PM

I'm sexually more attracted to women then I admit. I feel like a traitor sometimes because I know how much the gay community hates bisexuals. I only really ever mention that I'm bi here on DL when it's relevant to a conversation. I actually feel guilty about being bi. I know that's crazy.

by Anonymousreply 351January 19, 2018 8:25 PM

[quote] R351: I feel like a traitor sometimes because I know how much the gay community hates bisexuals.

How do you “know” this? It’s not true, btw. I feel sad because I know how much the world community hates R351.

by Anonymousreply 352January 19, 2018 9:22 PM

Ok, cool R352. More people should follow your example and accept bi men who cannot change their feelings and struggle.

But then, you didn’t jump to the defence of the poor bi girl several replies above him at R342 who is ashamed of her attraction to a man. Is she just a diseased lying whore, or?

by Anonymousreply 353January 19, 2018 9:43 PM

My father was an abusive, alcoholic piece of shit who frequently beat my mother and us kids. Mom wasn't exactly an innocent little victim, however; in fact, she was a fucking cruel cunt more often than not.

Mom took me to get my ears pierced when I was 10 (I'm a girl). She swore up and down that it wouldn't hurt a bit, and I believed her, because why would she lie about that? Well, she fucking DID lie, I wasn't ready for the pain and it was so fucking agonizing I screamed and nearly passed out. (As a redhead, I am very sensitive to pain, and she should have known that already. I could've handled it if she'd told the truth, but she lied about it like the fucking lying weasel cunt that she is.)

That evening, Dad came home from work as usual, and when he asked me about getting my ears pierced, I told him that Mom had lied and said that it wouldn't hurt at all when it actually it hurt like hell. Naturally, he took this as a great opportunity to beat up Mom. Later, after Dad left to go out drinking as usual, my mom sat on the couch sobbing and holding her bruised face and said I shouldn't have told Dad anything. I cried and told her I was sorry, I'd just told the truth and didn't know he would get mad about it.

But that's a lie, I knew he'd beat her for it and I fucking wanted him to. She fucking deserved it as payback for that day's pain and the ten thousand other ways she'd deliberately hurt me before then. I did feel bad for her, but I didn't regret siccing him on her and I still don't.

I recently had a (nearly-)full confessional with her, told her all the ways I'd suffered as a child and wanted to hear her side of things. Of course, she was just a fucking lying weasel cunt as usual, refusing to give me any straight answers and denying her responsibility for how much I'd suffered. But I got it all out... except for this one last secret. I'm sure it would break her heart to know. I will tell her if I decide to cut her out of my life completely, but she still has her uses for now so I'll keep it quiet.

Those of you who are disgusted by what I've confessed are free to move along with your judgement, cuz I don't wanna hear it. You clearly have no idea what it's like to have an abusive childhood, so go enjoy your happy life and leave me in my fucking misery.

by Anonymousreply 354January 19, 2018 10:04 PM

I don't fault you r354, you were a kid, she was an adult, she could have left and didn't.

by Anonymousreply 355January 19, 2018 10:14 PM

R350, you moron, he explained it because I asked out of genuine curiosity...because that’s what one does when one is curious. He didn’t apologize for it either, you illiterate monkey.

by Anonymousreply 356January 19, 2018 10:28 PM

Eat a pile of shit, R352. No one, and I mean NO ONE, rang for you.

by Anonymousreply 357January 19, 2018 10:42 PM

I m a hot suburban dad. Handsome.fit. Mr clean. Work in very catholic environment. Train youngsters. All sports. Charming with the moms, friendly with the dads. But at the sauna or in parks at night I am a filthy WHORE. I get fucked in the open spaces.I suck any big dick, don't care how many. For all to see. On my knees.naked. I swallow. Any guy can use me like trash. Cum Dump. The next work day I am mr clean again. And everyone likes me

by Anonymousreply 358January 19, 2018 10:49 PM

R358, tell us more!

by Anonymousreply 359January 19, 2018 10:53 PM

R359 what u wanna know?

by Anonymousreply 360January 19, 2018 10:58 PM

Are you married to a woman? Do you let them breed you? I’m so interested in men who live double lives.

by Anonymousreply 361January 19, 2018 11:00 PM

More of us have what look like two very different sides and ways of getting the most out of our lives... very much like you do, R358. than most people think. Whose business is it if a few hours a day of being a "trash cumdump" works for us? I suck as much cock as I can... and enjoy it! Sue me!

by Anonymousreply 362January 19, 2018 11:04 PM

Divorced wife. They come in my mouth. Love the ass mouth thing. Many closeted married guys fuck me raw, slap my ass, cum in my mouth and go home

by Anonymousreply 363January 19, 2018 11:07 PM

Gay/ same-sex married here, R363. Whose cum I swallow is nobody's business... including my husband's. I'm tired of apologizing for what personal/private activities gives me pleasure. Aren't you, R358 / R363?

by Anonymousreply 364January 19, 2018 11:13 PM

Someone killed some people.

by Anonymousreply 365January 19, 2018 11:19 PM

I wish I were dead more often than even I would like to admit to myself.

by Anonymousreply 366January 19, 2018 11:23 PM

[quote]Whose cum I swallow is nobody's business... including my husband's.

Wow.

by Anonymousreply 367January 19, 2018 11:23 PM

R30 rocks on all levels. Sorry about your sister.

by Anonymousreply 368January 20, 2018 12:02 AM

R71 is Mario Perez Hilton

by Anonymousreply 369January 20, 2018 12:10 AM

[quote]Whose cum I swallow is nobody's business... including my husband's....

I didn't know Barbara Bush posted here.

by Anonymousreply 370January 20, 2018 12:28 AM

R354 there are many of us who had horrible childhoods with drunken,abusive fathers. Im one. My mother wasnt abusive,but she was weak and didnt stop my dad. He beat her,he beat us and he made most of my youth a living hell. I hated my mother for years because of her inability to protect us,but as I got older I understood that at the time we were going through all of that (60s-70s),it was a different world for women. There werent battered womens shelters,programs,therapy,NOTHING . People didnt talk about what went on behind closed doors at all. I was 8 years old the one and only time I called the police for help,they came to the door,my mother lied to them while standing there obviously battered and crying,and they left. I cant begin to tell you what happened afterwards,Im just surprised none of us ended up in the hospital.

All the fear and pain and helpless rage you were feeling,she was too. You think that didnt warp her as well ? Your mother was a little girl at one time too,you think she dreamed of growing up and marrying a bastard? Im not judging you,but your post is full of unresolved pain . I dont know how old you are,but its never too late to get help and let the past not rule your future. Been there,done that honey. being evil to your mother isnt going to make you feel any better,no matter how much of a cunt she was. There will come the day as you get older that you will regret a lot in your life and wish deeply you could have been different. Wouldnt it be nice to not lay on your death bed regretting what you did,but rejoicing that you didnt let your horrific childhood haunt you till the bitter end? Trust me ,you WILL regret being so nasty. It isnt worth it in the long run.

by Anonymousreply 371January 20, 2018 12:50 AM

I've been at my job for a decade and I'm great at it. The truth is I have been faking interest the whole time. I've never been out at work so I can never get close to anyone. I keep telling everyone that I'm doing what I'm passionate about. In truth it's paycheck to get me through the rest of my life.

by Anonymousreply 372January 20, 2018 1:02 AM

Nice, R317.

by Anonymousreply 373January 20, 2018 1:10 AM

Great thread

by Anonymousreply 374January 20, 2018 1:28 AM

I knew my stepmother was a closet case but never could find the heart to tell my dad while he was dying in the hospital. I did tell his naive ass that she was molested by her father. I knew he probably told himself that's why she was so frigid and had issues. Besides that fact, she was a born lesbian and and weirdo growing up. I could always sense there was a secret around her sisters close in age while growing up. Looking back I could see how they'd try to calm her down when she'd spin out of control. I've always felt some sort of pity from them knowing that she didn't deserve to raise me and probably thought about telling my real mom but my father had the bucks and provided for those two sisters. My mom was also the only one who drove and had luxurious new cars at her disposal. They were both widows and lived in a nearby home my dad had paid for. They otherwise walked to nearby stores. I guess they couldn't do much but protect me when they were present. After stepmother died I put a lot of things together and realized that sense of danger as a youngster didn't come out of nowhere. She killed a fellow student and got away with it in her teens. She also tried killing her father with a pair of scissors but was intercepted by the one sister. They must have secretly worried about me so.

by Anonymousreply 375January 20, 2018 1:49 AM

Learning a lot reading this thread.

by Anonymousreply 376January 20, 2018 4:40 AM

I like your tale, but I do find your writing confusing, R375.

Sometimes it's good to read aloud a long story before posting it.

by Anonymousreply 377January 20, 2018 4:43 AM

R377, you are kind and tactful. I was about to say “what the $&@! Did I just read?!

by Anonymousreply 378January 20, 2018 8:39 AM

I certainly don't apologize. I revel in being a guy and doing guy stuff. Was faithful to my wife when married. When I have spent a summer night naked in a soccer field on all 4 being fucked in both ends by whoever, and cheered on, it is nobody's business indeed, not even something I discuss with myself the next day

by Anonymousreply 379January 20, 2018 8:44 AM

I hate slutty guys, I mean Hate them, I'm not sure where it comes from but it's been like that since I was pretty young.

by Anonymousreply 380January 20, 2018 9:01 AM

Mmmmmmmmmm...call me R380

by Anonymousreply 381January 20, 2018 9:02 AM

Call you what R381?

by Anonymousreply 382January 20, 2018 9:07 AM

call r358 r380, r381.

do try and keep up.

by Anonymousreply 383January 20, 2018 9:17 AM

^r382

shit.

by Anonymousreply 384January 20, 2018 9:18 AM

That was a joke in the form of sarcasm R384...do try and keep up...dear.

by Anonymousreply 385January 20, 2018 9:20 AM

r385 has never seen the Muppets.

that’s my secret.

by Anonymousreply 386January 20, 2018 9:29 AM

You shut your lying whore mouth R386!!! I LOVE the Muppets!

by Anonymousreply 387January 20, 2018 9:34 AM

R52 you are playing with fire. One of you could fall in lust, then love, with someone who fucks you to high heaven. It's happened to me in a sexless relationship. Yes I know other sexless relationships that go on and on.

by Anonymousreply 388January 20, 2018 9:45 AM

I hook up with an ex for sex fairly regularly ; we have since soon after we broke up. Both of us have since married men who are more traditional and sexually vanilla than we are, but neither will consider an open marriage. My ex enjoys getting fisted, and I occasionally like raunch. We’re able to arrange getting together a couple of times a month without anyone knowing, or even being suspicious.

by Anonymousreply 389January 20, 2018 10:23 AM

I do NOT understand fist...wtf? Please explain the joy of it

by Anonymousreply 390January 20, 2018 10:34 AM

His husband might begin to suspect something when his guts fall out of his asshole the next time he coughs too hard R389.

by Anonymousreply 391January 20, 2018 10:36 AM

I’ve been laid off at work, but can’t tell anyone yet. They went for the eldergay this time (among many others) and it is upsetting. Trying to get my bearings.

by Anonymousreply 392January 20, 2018 12:13 PM

I'm sorry r392, let me drop a frauish platitude about how when one door closes another opens. Seriously though, I send good thoughts to you and maybe this will bring you somewhere better.

by Anonymousreply 393January 20, 2018 4:39 PM

Calgon.

by Anonymousreply 394January 20, 2018 10:02 PM

R394

Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

by Anonymousreply 395January 25, 2018 1:55 PM

I know how to get off the island

by Anonymousreply 396January 25, 2018 2:22 PM

I've been with my partner for six years and have lived together for four years. During our first year of living together, my partner's youngest brother stayed with us as he was attending college in our city (my partner is one of the middle children of 5 brothers). During that year, his brother and I fucked three times. My partner never had a clue and his brother and I have acted like nothing has ever happened. The odd thing is I don't feel bad about it.

by Anonymousreply 397January 25, 2018 2:22 PM

I'm scared to death and I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

by Anonymousreply 398January 25, 2018 2:45 PM

R397 Details? Is the brother hot? Who has a bigger dick?

by Anonymousreply 399January 25, 2018 2:51 PM

I’m turned on by watching my partner get sucked off by strangers. I’m very conservative; no one would guess it gets me off. Not even my best friend knows.

by Anonymousreply 400January 25, 2018 3:00 PM

R399 My partner's brother is 6 years younger than my partner and I. His brother is very attractive, even a bit more so than my partner, gay too with a much wilder personality than my partner. Their dick size and girth is about the same but my partner does have a bigger set of balls. My partner used to travel a bit for work so there were a number of times when his brother and I were alone. I started because one night we had a couple drinks and out of the blue he sat on my lap and grinded his ass into my crotch and said he was jealous that his brother got to ride that....what was a guy to do.

by Anonymousreply 401January 25, 2018 5:16 PM

R358, I have a big cock and I’d love to fuck your hot ass. Do you ever travel to Philadelphia?

PS I’m Catholic, by the way.

by Anonymousreply 402January 25, 2018 5:16 PM

I'm a lesbian and have been married for almost 3 years. Love my wife but have been in love with my best friend for 15 years. She's straight, married with 3 kids. The feelings ebb and flow but in my heart is true love for her. A part of me thinks we will spend our elderly years together, possibly after our spouses pass.

by Anonymousreply 403January 25, 2018 5:46 PM

Lesbians are beyond annoying

by Anonymousreply 404January 25, 2018 5:51 PM

r404 That is not a secret.

by Anonymousreply 405January 25, 2018 6:06 PM

R403, Put yourself in your wife's shoes, and imagine how awful that would be. Why on earth would you marry a woman when you have loved another for 15 years? And the other is straight, with three kids? And you have plans to be with her when your wife dies?!

I'm sorry , but that's just awful.

by Anonymousreply 406January 25, 2018 6:50 PM

Lesbians are generally twisted and vicious. Haven't met a lesbian who didn't hate her partner

by Anonymousreply 407January 25, 2018 6:53 PM

Tamp it down. Poor lesbian is getting more finger-wagging than the men upthread who confessed sucking countless cock behind their husbands' backs. It's not like she fucked her wife's sister.

by Anonymousreply 408January 25, 2018 6:59 PM

I've gone to Europe three times by myself and never told a soul. Before one trip, I sat in a meeting at work where everyone was talking about their holiday plans and where they were going, while my luggage was already packed and waiting in my car for my flight to Amsterdam later in the day.

by Anonymousreply 409January 25, 2018 7:06 PM

Thanks r408

I'll take my head out of the oven now :)

by Anonymousreply 410January 25, 2018 7:07 PM

My cousin sexually assaulted me when I was a kid between the ages of 10 and 13 he was probably 17 or so around the time. Never told anyone in my family.

by Anonymousreply 411January 25, 2018 7:08 PM

I feel like most people are weak--they waste their lives seeking status, keeping a partner they don't really love, and have no sense of honor. They are also far too addicted to comfort, and have never known any real deprivation. And with all that, they are drug addicts.

I don't want to feel obligated to help or assist them if our society crashes, which it may.

by Anonymousreply 412January 25, 2018 7:38 PM

I'm curious why you don't share your trips to Europe? Not that it's your coworker's business, but it's not like traveling the world is shameful.

by Anonymousreply 413January 25, 2018 8:09 PM

Cause then he'd have to engage in small talk about it, right r409? I wouldn't either, it's exhausting thinking of that kind of meaningless chatter about it.

by Anonymousreply 414January 25, 2018 9:13 PM

My secret is that I think R397 is a sociopath and a whore...Oops, secrets out!

by Anonymousreply 415January 25, 2018 10:11 PM

R358 and R402

in

CALL ME BY YOUR NASTY NAMES

by Anonymousreply 416January 26, 2018 12:29 AM

R409 It was for cock, right?

by Anonymousreply 417January 26, 2018 12:32 AM

Made a huge mistake for lust/love. Stayed with a guy for 3 years who took pics during sex and posted on Tumblr. After the initial shock, I said no camera but kept fucking his tortured soul even as I saw him post pics of himself with other guys. Ended up getting non-genital herpes, broke up and ended up with a nice but less hot guy, with a mortgage and two dogs. Last time seeing him was having dinner as friends, when I somewhat enjoyed watching his credit card get declined.

by Anonymousreply 418January 26, 2018 12:43 AM

I love these threads. I’ve been reading DL for about 18 years (holy shit) and they’re my favorite. This is a good one. So many whores, darling!

by Anonymousreply 419January 27, 2018 12:06 AM

Dennis Oland under interrogation in 2011 for alleged murder of his ultra-wealthy father in New Brunswick, Canada. He is free today and on the streets. Going to trial again but he'll likely get off.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 420January 27, 2018 2:20 AM

I had an orgy in my marital bed once. My husband wasn’t present. 4 tops, one bottom. The bottom ended up doing something that broke a part of the structure of the bed. To this day, every time my husband gets in bed, I hear his side make a noise and I think of that fateful fuck.

by Anonymousreply 421January 27, 2018 2:36 AM

My kitteh doesn't know it but sometimes I look at other cats on the internet.

by Anonymousreply 422January 27, 2018 2:45 AM

I live in a sober living house, for about ten months now. I just started sneaking drinking again, and I'm constantly thinking about how to get a hold of pills, speed, anything!!

by Anonymousreply 423January 27, 2018 4:28 AM

oh no r423! That sucks, will you go to jail if you're kicked out? Oh man, I feel for you, I just got 3 years after twenty years of being in the program. Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 424January 27, 2018 4:51 AM

R421, and what do you think hubby was also doing at the time?

by Anonymousreply 425January 27, 2018 6:41 AM

Maybe it's from spending too much time on this site, but...

When people jokingly post "this is why they hate us", more and more I believe it to be true, and in fact I start to feel the same way. I know there are things that exist both in the gay and straight worlds, things like open marriages, orgies, frequent drug use/abuse. But while those things are still considered "fringe" or outsider in the straight world, it feels to me like gay society is trying to make these behaviors more part of the norm. Whether it's commentary by Dan Savage, or tweets from gay porn stars casually mentioning the overdose of Joel Taylor, or Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer preying on the underage, or the movie CMBYN... I feel like our society is in a downward spiral, and the LGBTQ population - while not solely responsible - is playing a significant role.

Flame away.

by Anonymousreply 426January 27, 2018 1:03 PM

Obviously, except to pedo turds like R426, CMBYN is not part of any "downward spiral." You are why we hate you, R426.

by Anonymousreply 427January 27, 2018 1:06 PM

Hissss!

by Anonymousreply 428January 27, 2018 1:12 PM

Say what you will about R426, but he/she is not the only one a little sketched out by CMBYN, and teenagers having sex with older partners. But it seems much more prevalent with straight guys/young girls. (Jerry Seinfeld & Shoshanna, Paul Walker and his teenaged girlfriend, etc.)

by Anonymousreply 429January 27, 2018 1:15 PM

R426 these people are few and far between, but you can think what you like. For a lot of us, we have worked hard and are very successful-- I actually think the opposite of you and think that as we gain more economic power that our voices will be heard (sad, but let's face it, that's how society works). If we were a lot of poor people nobody would care. I am fortunate, as I am very very blessed, but hopefully you won't let the judgmental society dictate shame about those of us that do not follow the "rules".

by Anonymousreply 430January 27, 2018 1:17 PM

[quote]Say what you will about [R426], but he/she is not the only one a little sketched out by CMBYN

"Sketched out"? You need to work on your language skills, not your umbrage-taking.

by Anonymousreply 431January 27, 2018 1:20 PM

To R214 and R216, at 38 I unexpectedly crushed hard for an artist who was 61. This lasted for about 18 months. It only stopped because of "recent allegations", let's call it that. I'm just not attracted anymore. But it could come back and I was way, way, far gone. This was someone who could make me come by the power of their voice or by brushing their hand against their own arm. That was it.

by Anonymousreply 432January 27, 2018 3:06 PM

There's a guy in jail for a long, long time. He'll never get to do something he threatened. There's a guy still alive, living in, if not blissful, at least comfortable ignorance. And there's a barrel, out past all the towns and away from tracks. It's empty. And above ground. It'll stay that way now.

by Anonymousreply 433January 28, 2018 12:44 AM

Ding! R433 = 15th Breadloaf rejection of the day.

by Anonymousreply 434January 28, 2018 12:46 AM

I'm impressed by your Midd reference, R434. :)

by Anonymousreply 435January 28, 2018 2:23 AM

It wasn't the Russians.

by Anonymousreply 436January 28, 2018 2:43 AM

I don't like babies. Do not want to be around them, don't get why it's assumed everyone would "Want to hold the baby?", don't get why it's so horrifying that I don't like babies.

by Anonymousreply 437January 28, 2018 6:29 AM

I am 35 and madly in love with one of my 14 year old students. I would never, ever act on my feelings. I am ashamed-but I’ve fallen really hard for him. It’s agonizing.

by Anonymousreply 438January 29, 2018 3:46 AM

I worked a short term gig for a nonprofit about 20 years ago. They paid me via direct deposit. When the gig was over, the direct deposits kept coming for a year and a half. They overpaid me about $68,000. No one has ever said anything about it. I do not feel at all guilty.

by Anonymousreply 439January 29, 2018 3:50 AM

My parents forced me to go to church twice a week. I hated my church so much. We lived close by, so one Saturday night, I snuck into the sanctuary and took an enormous shit in the new grand piano. The special music was extra special that Sunday morning.

by Anonymousreply 440January 29, 2018 3:54 AM

r438 I had a friend who had the same thing, she banged him later when he was 17 or 18, just once, no one ever found out but me I think, no big deal. Maybe hold off till he is of age.

by Anonymousreply 441January 29, 2018 4:03 AM

I slept with a teacher while in High school and I loved it. I always told him that if anyone ever said anything or questioned anything that I would deny it. A few years after I graduated he made the moves on another boy and ended up losing his job and of course his reputation was ruined. It is probably the only time I found myself siding with the "aggressor" .

by Anonymousreply 442January 29, 2018 4:49 AM

R438 don't listen to R441. If you wait until they are of age, and then it sours, they will say you started the liaison before they came of age. Not worth the risk.

by Anonymousreply 443January 29, 2018 7:09 AM

My best friend's father took my cherry when I was 14 in their swimming pool when no one else was home. I've loved hairy Italian men ever since.

I never told my friend (or, mostly anyone else). I keep that cherished memory to myself.

by Anonymousreply 444January 29, 2018 4:43 PM

I'm the secret love child of Clark Gable and Joan Crawford.

by Anonymousreply 445January 29, 2018 4:49 PM

I don't like twinks for sex, but I like Twink pop stars

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 446January 29, 2018 4:50 PM

R444 Pics of him or someone of his likeness?

by Anonymousreply 447January 29, 2018 11:19 PM

I would so like to have R439's secret.

by Anonymousreply 448January 29, 2018 11:40 PM

R420 Anything else you’d like to tell us?

by Anonymousreply 449January 30, 2018 1:08 AM

I'm a past American Idol winner.

by Anonymousreply 450January 30, 2018 1:10 AM

Shut up r450! Who are you? Don't be coy!

by Anonymousreply 451January 30, 2018 1:13 AM

R451, I'm Carrie Underwood. I've been hanging out here on DataLounge for the past couple months while my face heals. You guys make me laugh (but at the same time it really makes my cheekbones sting!)

by Anonymousreply 452January 30, 2018 1:26 AM

Like R442, I bottomed my way through high school, college, graduate school and a PhD program.

Instead of losing my college aspirations by failing Physical Education, I earned extra credits by regularly sucking off my gym teacher. (Truth be told, I would have done him anyway.)

By college, I’d learned the value of getting fucked. I had the Dean of Students’ amazing cock up my more than willing ass many, many times over the next four years; not to mention a dozen, or more, horny lecturers’, associates’ professors’ and Department Chairmens’.. Thanks to my extraordinary under-graduate performance, I graduated with a 4.0.

I got my Master’s following masterful performances with my department’s Chairman and his partner; and the partner skillfully guided me to a PhD as my Advisor.

A desirable ass would have been a stupid thing to waste! Don’t you agree?

by Anonymousreply 453January 30, 2018 2:17 PM

You are my hero R453. I never dared

by Anonymousreply 454January 30, 2018 9:59 PM

Yes r453 that's an Especially Sensuous Trail of sex you had!

by Anonymousreply 455January 30, 2018 10:00 PM

EST.

by Anonymousreply 456January 30, 2018 10:19 PM

Truth be told, R454 and R455, all it took was a little daring, and a lot of the savvy to know that most men are more attracted to a wide-eyed, naive appearing 7/8, than to a 10 who comes across like a slut.

All successful boywhores learn, and figure out how to use that principle early on.

by Anonymousreply 457January 30, 2018 10:40 PM

Sure you weren't a 6/7?

by Anonymousreply 458January 30, 2018 10:44 PM

I finished off an entire pint of Cherry Garcia in one sitting for lunch

by Anonymousreply 459January 30, 2018 10:46 PM

I don't think so, R458. I'd say a solid 7, at least.

A 6+ face, 9- body and 10 ass, average out to a 7/8, if not an 8. Do you not agree?

by Anonymousreply 460January 30, 2018 10:53 PM

R453 You can sell it anyway you want but you're still just a whore. And I'm so jealous.

by Anonymousreply 461January 31, 2018 12:44 AM

I got a PhD with my brain and it wasn't all that taxing. I didn't have to give my ass to professors and deans to get it. But sometimes I whored myself out for rent money.

by Anonymousreply 462January 31, 2018 12:47 AM

Used condoms, not my own, turn me on.

by Anonymousreply 463January 31, 2018 1:01 AM

I blew Richard Speck.

by Anonymousreply 464January 31, 2018 1:06 AM

Yuck! why,R464 ??? Was it big?

by Anonymousreply 465January 31, 2018 2:09 AM

I put a spell on somebody

by Anonymousreply 466January 31, 2018 3:09 AM

r466 - Long Island Medium

by Anonymousreply 467January 31, 2018 4:42 PM

I am 50 years old and, for all intents, I am a virgin. I don't know the last time I had sex (oral) and have only had anal (receiving) and it was only for a few seconds, once in my life. Never was a top. Ever. I give people the impression that I have had a wide sex life, because you are treated like some total freak if you don't.

by Anonymousreply 468January 31, 2018 4:48 PM

I think I believe it really could be Carrie Underwood who posted above.

by Anonymousreply 469January 31, 2018 4:53 PM

R447 very Barry Gibb

by Anonymousreply 470January 31, 2018 5:07 PM

I love to suck off derelicts. I am not kidding.

by Anonymousreply 471January 31, 2018 5:16 PM

r471 = Willie Tanner

by Anonymousreply 472January 31, 2018 5:22 PM

R469 - It's me!

by Anonymousreply 473January 31, 2018 5:43 PM

I have the worst secret. But it’s fun. Oh well.

by Anonymousreply 474January 31, 2018 10:32 PM

I killed two people when I was 16. They were walking home from school and I was speeding down the road. There was no sidewalk and I hit them. This was in the late 80s. It was ruled an accident and virtually nothing happened to me. I've long since moved away from the small town but never told anyone new in my life. Never would.

by Anonymousreply 475January 31, 2018 10:52 PM

I have a structured settlement and I need cash now.

by Anonymousreply 476February 1, 2018 9:47 AM

Well thanks for taking the time to share that exciting bit of information, r474.

by Anonymousreply 477February 1, 2018 10:06 AM

Before coming out in 1970, I was so threatened by my attraction to men, that I had sex with as many women as I could. The very last time I had sex with a woman resulted in a pregnancy. Our relationship, which had been waning, ended that night. When she contacted me, we decided an abortion would be the best choice. On the day of the procedure , however, she changed her mind. By this point we had almost no affection left for one another, but I did whatever I could to help her out until she delivered. She had a son. I saw him once, when he was three days old. She immediately moved back to the south, to be close to her family. She and I never spoke, or had any contact whatsoever, again. I never saw, or knew anything more about our son, other than his given and surnames (hers). That was in 1970. I recently discovered that she never married, raised her son on her own, and died from cancer in 2016. She bequeathed her only child her home and the substantial estate she'd inherited. He (if he is still living. I have good reason to believe he is) will be forty-eight this coming summer. It appears that he married, had three children, and apparently divorced. I've basically made peace with the guilt associated with my immature decision to have no relationship with him, and the fact that we will never meet. Very few people know this part of my history.

by Anonymousreply 478February 1, 2018 11:49 PM

r475 wow, do you think about it even though you don't talk about it? I feel like I would. Were they young like high school kids? r478 Why not get in touch with him?

by Anonymousreply 479February 1, 2018 11:51 PM

To what end, R479? I have no idea what, if anything, he was told about the circumstances surrounding his conception; and I don't want to insinuate any further unnecessary complications into what I hope is his stable life.

by Anonymousreply 480February 2, 2018 12:10 AM

Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were lamenting not knowing him, if not, then yeah, don't. It's good to be able to see him from afar I guess and know he turned out okay.

by Anonymousreply 481February 2, 2018 12:34 AM

We only have one life, r480. You seem resigned yet kind of curious, cautious, and wistful. Agreed your 'son' is a grown man, has probably had a bit of emotional turbulence along the way (divorced etc) . Sometimes maturity begets forgiveness, compassion and keen awareness of others' own burdens and regrets.

You never know how that connection would be received. It's still sad - never close doors.

by Anonymousreply 482February 2, 2018 1:07 AM

There was a violent robbery where several people were killed in my home town about 50 years ago. It was never solved. It's one of those crimes that rates an article in the local newspaper every year on the anniversary. It's still discussed, and everyone debates the different theories.

Shortly before he died my Father told me that he and my Grandfather almost certainly gave the killers a ride into town when they picked them up hitchhiking. They dropped them a block from the murder scene a half hour before it happened, and my Father said that they were two of the scariest guys he ever met. My Grandfather was following in another car, and my Father felt that was probably the only thing that saved his life. If it hadn't been for the unknown of the second car they would have killed him and stolen his car instead of what happened. After the murders my Father and Grandfather decided to keep quiet, because given the mood of the town it would have meant the end of their business, and they would probably have had to leave town.

I'm the only one still alive who knows, and even if wanted to there's nothing I could tell anyone that would be of value to the police (assuming the police would give a fuck at this late date anyway).

by Anonymousreply 483February 2, 2018 1:59 AM

Interesting r483, so weird that one person can hold a key to a long kept secret/mystery. I always think that when I see those Dateline/Cold case type shows, that someone somewhere knows and that it's probably nothing that anyone would ever guess. I bet the people think it was a local or something and they are entirely wrong.

by Anonymousreply 484February 2, 2018 2:10 AM

[quote]I bet the people think it was a local or something and they are entirely wrong.

No, there 's enough clues that they know it wasn't locals (for one thing they stole a car and dumped it in the next state). About the only real info I could provide was that they hitched a ride into town. My Father could have provided a description, but I can't.

by Anonymousreply 485February 2, 2018 2:33 AM

Hmm r485, I guess the only thing you could provide is that it was random but they know that if they know it's not a local. I would think the greatest heartbreak in something like that would be thinking the person is still around and laughing about not being under suspicion. I bet those two are dead or in prison now.

by Anonymousreply 486February 2, 2018 2:48 AM

R438 = pedophile

by Anonymousreply 487February 2, 2018 3:02 AM

My mother had a debilitating stroke at 82 and had to come live with me. We never got along, and having her in my house was hell. After a year and a half, my nerves were so frazzled that I stopped giving her the blood thinners she was supposed to take. Another six months of hell before it was finally over.

by Anonymousreply 488February 2, 2018 3:27 AM

When I turned 25 I inherited a LOT of money. As a police officer from an average middle-class family, I knew it was imperative to keep my financial windfall a secret, since I've seen what can happen with friends and acquaintances when new wealth is suddenly involved. I own a house in a middle-class part of town, I drive an inconspicuous Volvo and I shop at Costco. My only extravagance is traveling. I love England and go whenever I have several days off in succession. My co-workers think I have a relative in the airline industry who gets me friends-&-family freebie tickets. I don't. I also own a rental house in Blackheath, with a guest cottage in which I spend most of my vacations. In the garage is a mint-condition, right-hand drive, primrose yellow 1960 Triumph TR3 roadster, which is way more "me" than my stateside Volvo. If my buddies at work knew about all this they would shit.

by Anonymousreply 489February 2, 2018 4:11 AM

you had me until the roadster, r489.

by Anonymousreply 490February 2, 2018 6:33 AM

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus. Also: the milkman, a street hustler, a gym rat, and about 250 other random guys. Mommy says don't tell but I have a feeling a lot of people already know.

by Anonymousreply 491February 2, 2018 7:17 AM

I really only like having sex with fat dudes.

by Anonymousreply 492February 2, 2018 8:07 AM

Sending love to all ya'll in this thread - apart from the pedo who is in love with his student. Feels like a nice get-together with friends that I wish I had.. I'm 24, my day job is being a support worker and training to be a counsellor but my night job - which is the payer really - is escort. No one knows and my parents would kill me. Living a double life is hard but I don't feel anything when I do my escorting. I've always blaimed being molested as a child is the answer to why I'm so detached when it comes to it. Which is another big secret I keep, though when I was a teenager my mother brought it up asking if I remembered anything bad that happened to me when I was a child etc that made me think she knew or I must have told her when I was young.

by Anonymousreply 493February 2, 2018 12:00 PM

R492, isn’t it weird that we’re embarrassed by our sexual preferences? The bottom line ( no pun intended) is that it’s nobody’s business. I’m a masculine, good looking, fit 27 year old, but my current favorite sex partners, the hottest sex I’ve had in years, has been with a fit-fat “ daddy bear” couple in their 60s. I met them at a friend’s party, so almost all of my friends know them. What no one but we know, is that after the party, one drove me home, came in for a drink, and wound up fucking me senseless. We eventually called his husband to come and have his turn at pounding my ass. I never had cocks as big and hard pump me as deep an long as they do. For the last few months they’ve been fucking me at least twice a week.

by Anonymousreply 494February 2, 2018 12:59 PM

R493, you’re hot enough to escort. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Now let me eat that ass 😛

by Anonymousreply 495February 2, 2018 4:51 PM

Inspired by the other thread "have you ever met an angel", here's my secret: I love Touched by an Angel, the 90s tv show. They made a wonderful job in telling stories with a christian message without pontificating or alienating viewers. I'm not even religious. I wouldn't tell this to anyone, my other fave series is The Sopranos!

by Anonymousreply 496February 2, 2018 4:58 PM

I had some work done recently. But I told everyone I'm recovering from a fall on my front porch.

by Anonymousreply 497February 2, 2018 5:45 PM

r492 Call me!

by Anonymousreply 498February 2, 2018 11:53 PM

Did R488 admit to killing his mother?? Did I read that right?

by Anonymousreply 499February 3, 2018 3:54 AM

Yes r499 but don't be so judgey! He didn't do it in a quick, murderous way. He did it slowly by withholding her coumadin until her blood became as black and coagulated as her soul.

by Anonymousreply 500February 3, 2018 4:28 AM

I identify as straight and am married. I was sexually abused as a young kid, and without drugs or alcohol cannot bear having anyone ever touch me, including my wife. I have had 5 gay encounters in my life, I got fucked two times when I was 18, and got blown twice. Then when I was late 20s, I answered an ad on a swing website, and fucked a wife, and her husband sucked me off. I think vaginas are hideous to look at, I love looking at gorgeous cocks. I have always wondered if I would have been gay if I hadn't been sexually abused and thus freaked out about intimacy .I love my wife and kids to death, and have discussed this all with her, and she is cool with it, so I am not a liar to her, and have not stolen her time. This is REALLY important to me.. This all bothers me a lot, and in some ways feel like I havewasted my life, and in other ways feel proud that I am still alive. Thanks for listening. Outside of my wife, and therapists over the years, I have never EVER told anyone how I struggle with my sexuality.

by Anonymousreply 501February 4, 2018 1:30 AM

I am keeping secret from people my age with health complaints what I did to cure my own health problems. I like these people and consider them my friends but the way they go on about what they eat they don't see a connection between their ways of eating and some of their health problems, and they don't know I cured my health problems, so I shut up.

by Anonymousreply 502February 4, 2018 1:38 AM

R493 Having thoughts about a young kid are just fantasies. Having twisted fantasies is better than being a whore. Sorry you were molested. Does it trigger you allowing strangers molest you for payment? Aren’t you revictimizing yourself?

by Anonymousreply 503February 4, 2018 2:37 AM

So tell us R502. What do you do? No carbs? Vegan?

by Anonymousreply 504February 4, 2018 10:23 AM

Because our schedules often conflict, my partner and I sometimes take mini-vacations on our own. I've never told him that whenever there's been an opportunity to have a one night stand with a woman, I've taken it. Obviously, he'll never hear that from me. He and I have been together for eleven years; I've been tempted, but have never had sex with another man since we've lived together. He knew I was bi when we met. At first he was convinced that I'd eventually leave him for a woman. That will never happen, but I still enjoy fucking a woman every once in a while.

by Anonymousreply 505February 4, 2018 4:53 PM

[quote]Yes R499 but don't be so judgey.

R488 and R499 are the same poster, a common troll.

by Anonymousreply 506February 4, 2018 5:00 PM

I...killed...my wife.

by Anonymousreply 507February 4, 2018 5:04 PM

I got drunk and killed your career, R507

by Anonymousreply 508February 4, 2018 8:59 PM

Spill on the diet, r502. It may not be that far off from mine.

by Anonymousreply 509February 4, 2018 10:18 PM

A lot of men over sixty have offered me money in exchange for sex. I usually take it.

by Anonymousreply 510February 10, 2018 12:32 PM

Where do these guys find you R510? Can’t get a response to save my life on Grndr.

by Anonymousreply 511February 10, 2018 1:27 PM

Most have approached me in bars, R511, and, believe it or not, quite a few have gotten my number from a friend i’d been with. At first that used to piss me off, but I eventually I got used to it.

by Anonymousreply 512February 10, 2018 2:53 PM

I find "The Assassination of Gianni Versace" to be incredibly slow moving and could have been wrapped up in a two night television event.

by Anonymousreply 513February 10, 2018 3:08 PM

Is that a secret r513? You don’t feel comfortable just saying that out loud?

by Anonymousreply 514February 10, 2018 3:11 PM

Yes, because I'm tired of being told that "I don't "get it" and I must be some kind of moron who expects a car chase or explosion every 5 minutes. Sometimes slow moving is just that and is boring. period.

by Anonymousreply 515February 10, 2018 3:28 PM

[quote]What secret(s) are you currently keeping?

Ice Blue

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 516February 10, 2018 5:30 PM

I’m not a biopic fan, so I’ve never really liked ACS. Give me scripted drama any day.

Also I pay for twink ass, mostly using Grindr, though it’s been slow lately.

by Anonymousreply 517February 10, 2018 6:20 PM

More please.

by Anonymousreply 518February 18, 2018 2:38 PM

I've got a secret, Mr Roboto

by Anonymousreply 519February 18, 2018 2:40 PM

My best friend, who is straight (not that it matters), went to a shady part of town and bought himself 75 bags of heroin. I knew he dabbled with it, and I've known he'd had an addictive personality since I met him in college 20 years ago.

What makes me angry with myself is that I tried it with him. I hated it, it made me throw up and feel strange, and I'll never do it again.

He has made me promise never to tell his new wife. His wife is a wonderful, wonderful person that I truly adore. I know she will leave him if she finds out. I can't be a part of the end of their marriage.

I desperately want to tell her because now I'm afraid my friend is going to overdose and die. I'm scared and don't know what to do.

by Anonymousreply 520February 18, 2018 4:13 PM

I killed Vince Foster.

by Anonymousreply 521February 18, 2018 7:48 PM

r520 That's a tough one, he put you in a shitty position and he seems like he has a major problem that his wife should know about, I wonder if she does on some level? I would stay away from him, he's not long for this world I think.

by Anonymousreply 522February 18, 2018 7:52 PM

Tell her. It would be horrible for her to discover his addiction and his corpse at the same time. At least if she knows she can try to take care of herself and make plans in case the worst happens. Then stay away from him. R22 is right - junkies are the worst.

by Anonymousreply 523February 18, 2018 7:57 PM

You don’t have a choice, R520. You have to tell his wife. Not only will you possibly save her from the heartache of his dying from an overdose she might have helped prevent, you may very well help save his life. True friends don’t keep secrets that insure their friend dies!

by Anonymousreply 524February 18, 2018 8:00 PM

If he’s doing heroin, he’s likely exposing her to hepatitis and HIV

by Anonymousreply 525February 18, 2018 8:07 PM

My secrets? You wish.

Only the fortunate men know. And given who they are, they won't talk. I choose wisely.

by Anonymousreply 526February 18, 2018 8:14 PM

R520, I would tell the wife. That's scary. He's not of sound mind.

by Anonymousreply 527February 18, 2018 8:27 PM

A successful woman in administration at the shithole where I work is the queen of malapropism. She loves using big words around me, but fucks them up and I never ever correct her. When she's irritating, I find myself throwing new words ("directivize") into the conversation. She has used a few of them later.

I'm too old to be this petty. She raised herself and her two children without an education. I should feel ashamed. I guess kindness is not my "Fee-yur-tay".

by Anonymousreply 528February 18, 2018 9:25 PM

Yes, OP.........he does.

Or should I say, "yes, I do. I've known for a while."

by Anonymousreply 529February 18, 2018 9:36 PM

i'm a famous farter. pffffffft.

by Anonymousreply 530February 18, 2018 10:09 PM

R528 - that’s funny. I have a feeling there are plenty of grammar nazis here who empathize.

by Anonymousreply 531February 18, 2018 10:25 PM

75 bags r20? Surely that’s a full blown addiction and he went way past dabbling some time ago? I guess his wife will work it out soon enough. A heroin addiction is hard to hide.

by Anonymousreply 532February 18, 2018 10:37 PM

From third grade until about my jr. year in high school I have large gaps in my memory. I feel it's best not to pry so I mostly try not to wonder why.

by Anonymousreply 533February 19, 2018 1:48 AM

R533, ancient aliens took you, maybe? Do you like getting probed in the butthole?

by Anonymousreply 534February 19, 2018 7:13 AM

I'm terribly vain. Outwardly I live a very clean-cut masculine sporting life where outward appearances are not important, but secretly I am obsessed with my appearance. I have always been considered goodlooking, and I am desperate to keep that, but I am totally conflicted, because I daren't let anyone know how much I care and the money and effort I put in to stay purdy. I have had a lot of dental work and 4 cosmetic surgeries, but always in the most discreet imperceptible way possible so nothing shows. I'm wearing a hairpiece and spending hundreds a month to keep it looking fresh and undetectable. I hesitate to get close to people now for a long-term relationship because I'm worried they will find out about my hairpiece.

by Anonymousreply 535February 19, 2018 8:08 AM

[quote] I'm wearing a hairpiece and spending hundreds a month to keep it looking fresh and undetectable.

A sword of Damocles. A lot of guys find baldness a selling point, r535.

by Anonymousreply 536February 19, 2018 9:24 AM

Yeah R535,

I think bald guys with a buzz cut are really hot. They’re the guys I always do a double take for when I see them.

by Anonymousreply 537February 19, 2018 12:03 PM

she said "Pussy! Pussy willow!".

by Anonymousreply 538February 19, 2018 12:06 PM

R520, if you still see this person. I would give him an ultimatum. You tell her or I will.

R535, I just watched Chris Rocks' "Good Hair" on HBO. He asked some guys in a barbershop when was the last time you ran your hands through a black woman's hair. One guy said 20 years. Nia Long and another woman (Melysa Ford?) said they NEVER get their (weave) hair wet. No swimming or sex in the shower. There's something to be said for being a natural human being.

by Anonymousreply 539February 19, 2018 5:30 PM

Come on, spill! This thread is too good to die. A remnant of the good ol' days of DL!!

by Anonymousreply 540February 25, 2018 5:47 PM

Congratulations, r492. You caught the attention of EVERY Datalounger.

by Anonymousreply 541March 4, 2018 6:42 AM

Hi Carrie at r452. Your husband is hot and has Big Dick Face. Is he hung? Cut or uncut? Do you guys enjoy anal?

by Anonymousreply 542March 4, 2018 6:48 AM

[quote]I'm wearing a hairpiece and spending hundreds a month to keep it looking fresh and undetectable. I hesitate to get close to people now for a long-term relationship because I'm worried they will find out about my hairpiece.

According to DLers (who claim to be experts about this), people already know.

by Anonymousreply 543March 4, 2018 8:00 AM

Has your son never sought you out R478?

by Anonymousreply 544March 4, 2018 9:43 AM

Wow, R528. I should do that. In fact, I will.

by Anonymousreply 545March 4, 2018 9:51 AM

R535, you are an idiot.

by Anonymousreply 546March 4, 2018 9:52 AM

R59 is why I don’t like frauen.

Yuck

by Anonymousreply 547March 4, 2018 10:29 AM

I was an intern at the NTSB in the summer of 2013. It was the last choice of internships that I had, and unfortunately I was not hired at the other places. I was in school in the DC metro area... so the NTSB was one of the places that hired interns. Because of my major, this fit, roughly, into what I was studying (on paper, but not in reality).

When I got there, the people I was working with basically saw me as a nuisance. They never gave me any real work (mostly just changing fonts in documents or literally shuffling papers around). I didn't learn anything. I would come in at 8 AM and just sit there until 5 half the days...because nothing ever happened that I was responsible for (I worked for the media team to help the main media coordinators / liaisons).

Anyway, on the fateful day of July 6, 2013, Asiana Airlines Flight 214 crashed. We had to respond to dozens of calls from news departments all over the West coast. This was finally a day when I had to do something meaningful, and I kept offering to help. I kept saying to them that I can use the phone to answer the questions. I can help - hello - let me do something. They wouldn't. They asked me to reach out to another department and get more information on the crash as it came in, so that took 5 minutes, and I didn't have anything else to do. And the phones kept ringing....with nobody answering.

Finally, I just decided to answer a call, without anyone really noticing since they never paid attention to me anyway. It was from San Francisco TV station KTVU... with a producer asking for my boss. He wasn't there, but I said I could help them with whatever they needed. They asked if I had any more information on the crash, and then I asked him to hold on while I checked my email - and then the guy suddenly became somewhat of an ass hole, demanding to know NOW because they were going on air. I was like - ok I have 25 emails an hour, most of which are not relevant to me - so I'll go as fast as I can. Anyway, the person on the phone was rude. I was so fed up with this non-job. I found an email with the names of the pilots, and one was "Bong Dong-won" and another was "Captain Lee Kang-kook" and I thought it was funny his name was "Bong Dong" and then Captain Kook. I wasn't even sure if it was accurate, and I sort of laughed. I thought this guy won't even believe me if I gave him the names. So, I said "Is it okay if I email you the names because they are Korean & hard to pronounce." He said fine and gave me his email.

So, then I started typing up the email... and I wrote (you know what's coming) "Ho Lee Fuk" and "Sum Ting Wong" and two more that you know. I NEVER thought they were going to use these names on air. At worst, I figured I'd be fired which is what I basically wanted anyway. I was too chicken shit to quit because I'd never get another internship half way through the summer & I wasn't even chosen by another company. So, it was just like a passive aggressive / immature / stupid thing that I did. I figured the producer who called would send a nasty letter to my boss and I'd be gone. I actually had a resignation letter prepared earlier because I was going to quit - but I never managed to do it. I also didn't want to quit and have nothing on my resume. There were also some personal problems going on with me that summer.

To this day, even my parents don't know that this was me. None of my friends do. I can't trust anyone with it - especially now with how bad social media is. I have a normal, stable job and that streak of misbehavior is out of me (mostly) but anyway, that's how I got to be a part of a national meme... and almost fucked up my life completely if my name had gotten out. I was scared I'd be the next Monica Lewinsky. They were furious with me, and they never hired another person from my school again.

You can go to 1:14 here and see their apology & then obviously where I was fired aka the "appropriate action".

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 548March 7, 2018 1:14 PM

When a hook up leaves, I usually take his condom out of the waste basket and drain his cum into my mouth, especially if we took a video of him fucking me.

by Anonymousreply 549March 7, 2018 1:44 PM

I'm a closeted gay man married to a woman and we have a beautiful young daughter with another kid on the way. And I've fallen hopelessly in love with one of her closest (gay male) friends. The closet still exists and it's agony. Can't wait for all the sympathy from fellow DL posters!!!!

by Anonymousreply 550March 7, 2018 1:56 PM

Fuck him and get it out of your system, R550.

by Anonymousreply 551March 7, 2018 3:58 PM

I’ve been the wife’s gay friend, R550. Unless he’s crazy, he knows the score. And, if she’s not stupid, so does your wife.

by Anonymousreply 552March 7, 2018 4:04 PM

Omg, R548, that’s hilarious. Great story. Maybe they’ll pay attention to the intern next time.

by Anonymousreply 553March 7, 2018 4:09 PM

Does anyone care if R548 is an EST? If he isn’t, it’s a great story. If he is, he did damn fine EST research, Either way, it’s hysterical. Congratulations, R548!

by Anonymousreply 554March 7, 2018 4:22 PM

I love that R548 is one of us!

And I believe that his name was never revealed by the NTSB. I've worked for large organizations for decades and they always try to cover their ass. If they release your name to the media, they open themselves up to legal action, so they'd rather take the fall and hope the story gets buried quickly. if they released your name it would've kept it alive at least one more day as they tried to hunt you down. You committed no crime, you sent a funny (albeit racist) email.

I watched KTVU for years and always thought they had a good news operation. They clearly fucked up by not double-checking (or at the least, reading the names out loud before they gave it to the on-air anchor).

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 555March 7, 2018 4:42 PM

Its funny to think about just how close I was in my youth to some truly evil people. Ive told many stories about my wild youth,and often they are met with disbelief and derision,and sometimes even I dont believe some of the shit I did/lived through. Of course it was the 70s,a different world in so many ways.Cocaine was king,nothing was computerized so you could easily get fake Id's and start over elsewhere,people were far more trusting (thereby easier to scam) ,a different world indeed.

I started running away at age 12(right about the time I discovered sex) ,was constantly in trouble for stealing,running away,skipping school,etc. By age 15 I was in prison for stealing a car and driving it to New York.I got out at age 18,started slinging coke all over florida,through that got hooked up with what I call a version of the Cornbread Mafia,where I met a very crooked lawyer who hired me to clean out homes of people who died without heirs,or their families didnt want to deal with it. Worked that for almost 2 years,stealing at will and spending tons of money on drugs and partying,the whole time still dealing coke.

When I was 19,the lawyer got me a job(under a fake id) working at a prison dispensing meds to prisoners.My REAL job was funneling drugs in and cash out (there were many times when I had so much cash to smuggle out it'd take me a few days) . Here I was living in some shithole small town,having to drive to Gainesville or Jacksonville to see others of my kind (and deal coke) .Ive only conveyed a fraction of some of my stories and wild ass times on here,I really should write a book but no one would think a sweet faced,attractive middle class kid that I was could be so morally bankrupt and self destructive.My secret is at age 56,not one person other than a few immediate family members have any idea of who I really was. Everyone thinks Im this nice man,sweet and kind. They would drop dead from shock if my past ever came out.

by Anonymousreply 556March 7, 2018 4:56 PM

I watch a little bit of the movie The Pianist every day for inspiration ...

by Anonymousreply 557March 7, 2018 5:05 PM

From the ages of 12-15 I seduced straight men, three of whom were my teachers. One turned into a bit of a weird long game.

He was a science teacher. Built guy. Masculine and hairy. I used to fantasize about his dick and stare at his crotch in the classroom (this is back in the 80s). One day I followed him into the bathroom (this was when teachers and students would use the same bathrooms) and stood next to him at the urinal and leered at his cock. To my utter shock he responded and backed away, showing me all of it's girth.

We repeated this routine throughout the school year (I was 13). Cut to 12 years later. I'm living in NYC and out to dinner one night on the upper east side when I notice that this same teacher is there too with his wife and another couple. He looked virtually the same.

At one point, he looked at me then got up and went to downstairs to the bathroom. I followed him and without even speaking a word we both went into a stall and I sucked him dry and swallowed his load. We both went back to our tables and that was that. Never saw him again.

I also used two suck a cop's dick back when I was in high school. He was another married guy who used to flirt with me at the beach parking lot where I would play frisbee with my friends. There was an abandoned cut de sac nearby where I would meet him.

And I turned tricks for a year at age 15 in the old sleazy Times Square. My dad lived on the upper east side and whenever I would go to visit him, I'd make a detour to the video booths on 42nd. Married business guys would shove $20 bills in my jeans and I'd let them suck my dick.

No one knows any of this. I'm a white collar professional, settled with my partner of 15 years, etc.

by Anonymousreply 558March 7, 2018 5:11 PM

[quote]I really should write a book

Yes, you should. The fact that it would be such a shocker to the people in your orbit is a great marketing hook.

by Anonymousreply 559March 7, 2018 5:31 PM

[quote] One day I followed him into the bathroom (this was when teachers and students would use the same bathrooms)

I went to public schools all my life, from 1962 until grad school in 1983 and faculty always had their own restrooms.

It's one thing for an instructor to flash his dick at a college student, or even a high school senior, but a 13 year old?

by Anonymousreply 560March 7, 2018 5:38 PM

write a book, R556. Let us know when it's out.

by Anonymousreply 561March 7, 2018 7:27 PM

R556, I’ll look for that on Netflix.

by Anonymousreply 562March 7, 2018 7:37 PM

R548, "One of us! One of us!"

by Anonymousreply 563March 7, 2018 11:03 PM

R556 regales us with the backstory of Genet’s ‘Miracle of the Rose’, only abridged and with the period details modernised.

by Anonymousreply 564March 7, 2018 11:37 PM

Like I said,when I tell my stories on here bitches like R564 make me not want to share.

by Anonymousreply 565March 8, 2018 12:34 AM

So, R564, do you have some bizarre notion that Jean Genet was the world’s only teenage cocksucking punk to ever run away from home, then find himself caught up in a life of crime, drugs and “ partying” (very likely R556’s polite way of putting “youth prostitution)?

Apparently you’ve never attended a gay NA meeting.

by Anonymousreply 566March 8, 2018 12:36 AM

R564 must be 200 years old to reference a book that came out in 1946.

by Anonymousreply 567March 8, 2018 12:37 AM

R567, R564 may be a boorish asshole, but if you haven’t read Genet, what does that say about you?

by Anonymousreply 568March 8, 2018 12:43 AM

I’m 25 and have exquisite taste in books, R566. Surprised?

I wanted to imply that the “polite” way R556 dances around his own story may render him less credible, and that while clearly he wa a wild exciting personality in his youth he is hardly an original. I suppose my reference was archaic (to my surprise) and so the comment fell flat.

In any event, I feel it is wise to remain sceptical of anyone who rhapsodises about their reckless behaviour on the Internet.

by Anonymousreply 569March 8, 2018 12:56 AM

R565 there’s always one who will poor shit on someone else’s story, just ignore them. Some people genuinely can’t believe other people have had interesting lives. It’s mind blowing to me that some people can’t imagine a life other than their own.

by Anonymousreply 570March 8, 2018 12:56 AM

I was raped by my stepfather

by Anonymousreply 571March 8, 2018 1:03 AM

One thing I learned a very long time ago (25 my ass) R569 is that no ones story is ever unique. How can it be,with billions of people who have lived before ? Instead of reading ancient books about some queens gay life,I was LIVING one. Im sure Genet is fascinating and riveting,but until DL I had never even heard of him. I love to read,always have,but all that esoteric literature bored me senseless. Give me a good old Judith krantz over Sartre any day.I talk about my past on here because its anonymous and no one I know has even heard of DL,so I tell my stories to yall so they dont die with me. I do know this,as smug and self satisfied as you appear to be,Ive had a much more interesting life and more sex than you could ever dream of. Ive known fascinating characters,heard amazing stories and had so much fun it should have been a sin. Crack open your dry old book,sip on your wine and tell yourself how you're so much BETTER than anyone else all you'd like. I wouldnt trade places with you,or redo any part of my life,for all the tea in China.

by Anonymousreply 572March 8, 2018 1:19 AM

R556, WRITE THAT BOOK.

It doesn't have to be long chapters. Just tell it like you want. Publish it after you're dead if you prefer.

by Anonymousreply 573March 8, 2018 4:52 AM

I secretly video taped Derek Atlas fucking the hell out of me. I beat off to the video often. Man, he was a good fuck!

by Anonymousreply 574March 8, 2018 5:19 AM

My husband was injured in a car accident two years ago. It has been uncomfortable for him to have sex ever since. He still has to go for physical therapy twice a week. I drop him off for his appointments, and go to a nearby fuckbuddy’s for a quick fuck. I have it timed so I can be back to pick up my husband right after his session. He isn’t suspicious, and apparently my fuckbuddy’s partner isn’t either.

by Anonymousreply 575March 8, 2018 2:47 PM

R548: You win "best secret" of the day. That had me laughing out loud. Loved the addition of the video. You go girl!!

by Anonymousreply 576March 9, 2018 2:47 PM

How thoughtful of you to clean out and get dressed in time to pick up your injured husband R575, that's true love and dedication.

by Anonymousreply 577March 9, 2018 3:06 PM

I'm a psycho who ruined a few good people's lives

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 578March 9, 2018 3:08 PM

I never show up for Jury duty

by Anonymousreply 579March 9, 2018 3:14 PM

Easy to judge, if you’re not the one going for months on end without sex, R577. There are multiple truths here. I definitely do love my husband. I am always totally dedicated to his care, especially during what has turned out to be a much longer and difficult recovery process than normal. I’m also fond of this fuckbuddy. If his partner was fucking him more, he wouldn’t be needing it from someone else, any more than I would if my husband hadn’t been severely injured. I also can’t help but wonder how sloppy is your hole, if it takes tops an hour to clean up after using it? It doesn’t take long to pull off the condom and give a cock a quick wipe. But then, my buddy merely uses douches, while you, R577, are an actual douchebag!

by Anonymousreply 580March 9, 2018 3:47 PM

R578 Is there a cliff notes version of that? I'm not invested enough in it to read that whole thing.

My secret - I'm pretty much staying alive because I don't know who would care for my pets. My depression has isolated me, and no one who is in my life realizes how alone I've become.

by Anonymousreply 581March 9, 2018 4:19 PM

I’ve had multiple sexual encounters with my partner’s sister over the last 5 years. It’s wierd because I go down on her every time but have never gone down on him.

by Anonymousreply 582March 9, 2018 9:08 PM

Is your secret that you’re a closet lesbian, R582?

by Anonymousreply 583March 9, 2018 9:13 PM

If I could I do what you’re doing r575. I love my bf but for because of his current medical issues we’re not having sex at the moment and it’s torture. Wish I had a side fuck buddy until he gets better.

by Anonymousreply 584March 9, 2018 9:19 PM

^^whoops, excuse typos, but you get my drift.

by Anonymousreply 585March 9, 2018 9:21 PM

R583—I’m a guy

by Anonymousreply 586March 9, 2018 9:35 PM

I am older but feel young. I am married but feel alone. I am gay but cannot relate to gay people on any level. I am male, but don’t have a strong idea of what it means to be a ‘man.’ I was adopted, and have always been curious about my birth family, and yet as easy as I can be found on the internet, no one is looking for me. I find strangers fascinating and wonder about their lives, and they look right through me.

I am successful, wealthy, and somewhat well-known. And yet - I am clearly just getting by and staying out of everyone’s way.

by Anonymousreply 587March 9, 2018 10:58 PM

r580 Don't let the bitches get you down, no harm, no foul, right? I would do the same and no one is getting hurt as long as you're all discreet.

by Anonymousreply 588March 10, 2018 12:04 AM

You're still a cheater R580 and I'm a top so my hole is tight, unlike that of your cheater fuck buddy.

by Anonymousreply 589March 10, 2018 3:23 AM

r587 Maybe they don't know you, your family I mean, maybe they are nervous. One thing I have learned is that everything is not all about me and that it's none of my fucking business what other people think about me. It really isn't, and it's rarely what you think they are thinking anyhow. Enjoy your life and husband.

by Anonymousreply 590March 10, 2018 3:28 AM

R500. I hear you. See a therapist. The fact that you're here means you're looking for advice and you're lost.

by Anonymousreply 591March 10, 2018 3:40 AM

R560, would have believed you - my high school had separate faculty restrooms too - except for a sordid confession I received from an old boyfriend.

When he was a teenager, he was a real slut, seducing the men in his neighborhood. He said he would ride around on his bike in jams or similar floppy shorts, and he'd flash the daddies in his neighborhood. If any of them showed any interest, he'd stop and they'd do whatever.

At his school, he explained that teachers and students used the same bathrooms most of the time because the only staff bathrooms were in the faculty lounge and too far from many of the teachers' classrooms. There was one boys' room in a sort of isolated portion of the school. And before and after school, it was basically a circle jerk (with some blowjobs) in there. A few teachers were participants. He said he did this for 4 years in that school. This was in suburban Indianapolis.

The weird thing about the guy was that despite his hot otter body and scandalous teenage years, he was one of the worst lays I've ever had.

by Anonymousreply 592March 10, 2018 3:42 AM

R581 no cliffs version feels possible considering how crazy the story is. Unfortunately, that is the Cliffs Notes version. Do try again. It gets better or more exactly... worse. Thanks for trying.

by Anonymousreply 593March 10, 2018 1:45 PM

I did read more of it R593 - Tig is nuts, and I have no idea how much of the She Said/She Said is BS, but just wow. For it to have gotten so far, you would have thought they had dated. Like the Taryn Manning craziness with her ex.

by Anonymousreply 594March 10, 2018 1:55 PM

The she said she said stuff is all connected to an unbiased witness or a should have been biased witness( Tig's agent) showing that nothing at all happened and Tig made it all up cause she is as crazy and malicious as it gets. No dating or any relationship. Truly nuts but a simple story in the sense that Tig's best friend was the son of the boss of the chief of police at the time(Bill Bratton.) And, just beyond connected in that system.

Notaro is a sadistic sociopath who just wanted to hurt someone and then had to cover it up so as not to lose her money in a lawsuit. Very much appreciate your comment. R594. Datalounge played a role in the whole SAGA so I do hope it catches on here. Since that piece was written Kroll was in the news for being Weinstein's fixer firm for decades and "Being tasked with making sure Cyrus Vance didn't press charges in NY" Thanks again for reading. Feel free to ask any questions.

by Anonymousreply 595March 10, 2018 2:33 PM

R587,

I was also adopted as a new born and feel like I could have written your post (except I’m not famous).

When I’m with my husband, I don’t feel alone, but he’s really the only person who I feel “gets” me. I love my parents, my sibling, and my extended family, but I feel very different from them. When my husband or I travel for work, even for a couple of days, I do feel very alone. If it weren’t for him, I would have been to a psychiatrist by now looking for a diagnosis of aspergers or autism. Even though I do feel empathy, I think it’s different than the way most people do. If any of my friends moved across the world tomorrow, I’m not sure I would miss them at all.

I would like to know about my birth parents but they never looked for me and I feel it would disrespect my parents to look for them. I did ancestry.com and saw I have some cousins out there, but never bothered to pursue connecting to them.

by Anonymousreply 596March 10, 2018 2:38 PM

Don’t be so sure that neither of your birth parents, or genetic siblings haven’t been looking for you, R596. I come from a family of five children. Our mother never told us that she put her first daughter up for adoption when my mom was 16. Now we know she had wanted to keep her baby, but her mother wouldn’t allow it. She was always depressed in May. Her daughter was born in May. We learned of our half sister by accident, after my grandmother and mother had died. We couldn’t find her, but somehow, two years ago, she found us. She knew a little more about why she’d been adopted, than we did. Strangely enough, she has lived less than a five minute drive from our oldest brother for years. She found him first. Since we had a family reunion planned for the following 4th of July, we didn’t pressure her, but we invited her and her family. They came. Obviously there were oceans of tears all around, but there were also a lot of laughs. She looks and acts exactly like our mother. She and our brother live three states away, so we don’t see them often, but they hang out together all the time. We all adore her.

by Anonymousreply 597March 10, 2018 3:26 PM

R560, excuse me for butting in but the school district in my city has maybe one staff restroom per school. The high schools boast about 2000 students each and 100 or so faculty. They are forced to piss next to the students. When I visit a school, I piss in a stall but I see students and teachers piss next to each other. The poster’s story is totally believable to me.

by Anonymousreply 598March 10, 2018 7:06 PM

FIr the record r548, I’m a member of DL and Tig Notaro is no favorite of mine at all.

by Anonymousreply 599March 10, 2018 7:14 PM

Sorry I meant r578 /

by Anonymousreply 600March 10, 2018 7:18 PM
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