Lies Celebrities Tell Themselves

John/Tom/Matt/Jeremy/Jake and no doubt plenty of others = "I am so, so straight, a total woman lover, not an ounce of gay."

I am unusually insightful about politics.

George Clooney - I have a beautiful wife and children so I am the perfect man to be President in 2020. I'm ready and people adore me.

One day I'll get that Oscar!

I am a superior human being.

-- Tom Cruise

I may not be an educated doctor, but I play one on TV. Therefore, I can write a book about any ailment or disease because my best friends Mom has the disease. You will listen to me, and respect my words. After all, I’m famous?!? Right!

Im basically Keith Richards!

-Johnny Depp, Man Of Many Scarves

Age is just a number

-Every aging actor and actress in Hollywood

I’m skinny because I have a high metabolism.

I am skinny because all my kids don't give me time to eat and I am suffering with all those refugees I use for PR photos.

Liza Minelli -Life IS a Cabaret

Angie looks fine. Great legs, too!

No, really this is my natural face! No plastic surgery. Such suspense, as if we are really that dumb. Well... maybe 1 nose surgery.

I can, too, act my way out of a paper bag!

- M

Don't be ignorant! It's natural. It's loving. Don't be ignorant!

Keanu Reeves: I really did have a girlfriend who lost our baby and then died in a one car, car accident.

Scientology can save the world.

Warren wouldn't set me up - - Dorothy Faye

Oh my husband isn’t gay? Very heterosexual. He’s married to me.

Thom Racina is a fictional character and I'm not a former escort

I can come back from this

when M dies, I'll get all her parts, because I'm the better actor

No, really, I loved my girlfriends. Although, they were too old for me.

I did not know anything about Harvey's abuse, and America believes me because I am the greatest actress ever created - Meryl cunt Streep

"The public wants to see me parade my kids into church every Sunday."

I’m beautiful!

"This isn't the peak of my career."

Crack is Whack

You mean to tell me that if I have a woman friend, I have to have a lesbian relationship with her? That's bullshit.

The public need to know my opinions and views on world matters because I am always right. I know this because every person in my life from my maids to my hairdressers not only always tell me I’m right, but that I’m an incredible person! I know everything about world issues and the population should listen to me.

My blog has helped millions of women enrich their lives!

Whitney Houston told Out magazine "I'm a mother. I'm a woman, [bold]I'm heterosexual.[/bold] Period."

"Meryl Streep is the devil and I'm a saint, not a druggie or a homophobe" - Rose McGowan

“This, too, shall pass.”

"Everyone who has the balls to tell me the truth needs to be cut out of my life, including my family, because I don't like negativity. Everyone who flatters me is a positive thinker like me!! "

"Everyone is a crook/out to get me." (When the flatterers are ultimately revealed as con men. Every. single. time.)

“He was never charged with a crime so Mia must have lied.”

All great men use both hands to pick up water bottles and drinking glasses.

I’m beautiful !! I was everyone’s favorite on Friends!! Brad regrets leaving me everyday !!

Jennifer Aniston

Everyone wants to be me!

"My mom is sick" - Bryan Singer

"If there's grass in the infield, it's okay to play ball" -- B. Singer

r41, amen!!!!!

I am so beautiful, talented and sophisticated that everyone in the world is so jealous of me.

I'm not an exceedingly average actress, who is rumoured to be staggeringly dumb and a raging whore to boot.

I'm royalty. Everyone loves me. I never ever fuck for parts.

Steaming your vagina and talking about it are perfectly normal behavior

Goop Again

No one can tell it's a rug

--Rob Lowe

--Nick Cage

--Matt McBongo

--Dustin Hoffman

--Lots more

" Although I've been in the business for 40 years and have known Harvey quite well for over 25 of those years, I honest to god had NO IDEA whatsoever about his abuses..................... "

R44

I want to steam her vagina but not for her benefit.

I AM reminiscent of a young Grace Kelly. There, I SAID IT !

I am a nice guy and very thick skinned.

I can't enough pussy. I just love the ladies !

"Everyone wants to buy the $800 vagina beads on my website" - GOOP

I had more people at my inauguration than that negro guy

Melania says my dick is huge and she's been with hundreds of guys

I can fire Mueller. Just chop off his head

Jared looks G with a shorter less blond haircut

Lots of guys with hot daughters jerk off thinking about them

Jeff Sessions really does have a tail I bet

If Ronald Reagan had twitter, he'd have been almost as popular as I am

"Only women use the casting couch. When all those twinks slept with my friend Bryan Singer, it was because they were genuinely in love with him!" - Sir Ian McKellen

Brad Pitt: I'm extremely knowledgeable about architecture and public housing and have innate talent that needs to be tapped. Also, you know I dropped out of college one credit shy of graduation? Because the call of waiting tables, cleaning pools and wearing chicken suits in LA was to loud to resist.

I'm not a midget!!!!

My relationship with the late Paul Walker was platonic

--VD

48? Why, I could pass for 38!

Why, oh why didn't I chop another 10 years off the official bio?

I is kind. I is smart. I is important.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I aspire to be like Lady Di, a true humanitarian!

... and no I don't do this for publicity or to distract from the fact that I am mentally sick.

"I can pass for a twentysomething Bobby Darin, right?" - Kevin Spacey

Starving myself will reduce the appearance of my enormous head

If we earn enough money, we can BUY necks

[quote]Keanu Reeves: I really did have a girlfriend who lost our baby and then died in a one car, car accident.

Not sure if the woman was Keanu's GF, but she was a real person, she used to be Dave Navarro's dead-eyed assistant. This woman actually harassed Dave's fans via emails. If she didn't die in that car crash, eventually someone would have offed her, she was that awful a person.

I just haven't found the right lady.

Heath's death

Wasn't

My

Fault

We have the BEST sex life and she's also my best friend

And Zac and I had to share a trailer during the making of Showman to save on the budget

Caitlin Jenner "I'm fucking gorgeous!".

[quote]And Zac and I had to share a trailer during the making of Showman to save on the budget

Zac and who?

Oh for heaven's sake R69, do keep up. Huge Ackman.

I’m a talented and very funny comic and actor. People can’t enough of my very entertaining movies.

I never beat that woman

I will find Nicole's true killer.

I told the artist to paint me as he truly sees me.

It was my ex-wife who reminded the artist that I had a history of not paying for things that displease me.

'The reports are speculation bordering on fake news': Travolta blasts sexual assault rumors surrounding delayed Gotti movie

Michi Likes Sausage!

I'm the smartest person in the room.

OP Reese doesn't see herself as America's Sweatheart

[quote]And when it comes to that whole "America's Sweetheart" title, the "Legally Blonde" star says she's not exactly "sweet."

[quote]I certainly didn’t self-identify as anyone’s sweetheart. I’m friendly, but I don’t think I’m sweet. I’m honest

he and i are strictly platonic 'brothers'....

I don't need therapy!!

Madonna - "I'm still relevant."

Butter makes everything better!

Bestest. President. Ever!

This will work out GREAT for me!

I'm gonna be toats the next POTUS, dude! Dude, check out my biceps!

I am soooo cool and hip! Do people say hip? Doesn't matter, me using it makes it hip again!

This ride will never end, I'm a Christian now!

I [italic]am[/italic] a woman.

Even after Game of Thrones people will want to see me in stuff and I don't have to do icky nudity anymore! Bye-bye long shaggy locks and scruffy beard, ... ... oh, hi Rose, was just thinking about you!

I'm very intelligent. Very clever. The people love me. I'm a winner. I don't get caught.

I'm a stable genius

I'm way to busy to star in a film about a super hero. My schedule is like...crazy!

I have never used performance enhancing drugs to bulk up

[quote]I am a woman. —Caitlyn Jenner

Bitch, please.

I was a Rockette!

**Crickets**

America loves me and most people believe I'm the average straight guy next door.

If Cloris Leachman could have satisfied her husband, then he never would have come to me.

What the hell is کریستوفر ?

I am not a racist sexist homophobic douchebag and there was no abuse on the set of [italic]Charles in Charge[/italic]. Oh, and I'm not to blame for Erin Moran's death so shut up about that.

I am one of iconic blonds just like Marilyn and Princess Di.

I am qualified to be President of the United States and my enabling of charlatans will not be an issue if I choose to run for office.

I am a natural beauty and I am not too thin at all.

-- Angelina Jolie

I'm not a lesbian — you already got Cousin Geri — and there was no animosity between me and that girl who tried to muscle in on my turf. She and the Japanese girl who couldn't fix my Kawasaki already got their own cartoon show anyway.

You like me! You really like ME!!!!

These glasses make me look smart

Datalounge will still love me in 10 years!

These glasses make me look like an architect.

my Indian feet don't WREAK

I LOVE junk food!

—-every model ever

I am Batman

I am well thought of throughout the world.

My wife, four kids, Mormon faith, and membership in the GOP will dissuade people from finding out I also like men. And moving my whole family to Spain was just so I could witness the failure of socialism first hand. Honest.

I'm not a mentally unstable person. I just play one on TV. Over and over and over again.

No one will guess I'm gay if I spend all my time in the gym.

I am a good mother.

- Mia Farrow

I am a good person

-Woody Allen

"I am pretty. I am loved." - Julianna Margulies

I didn't molest that little finocchio on my show and I'm not prejudiced against mool—whoops, I mean black people. We can still say "black people," right?

I like all races of people and will fight for justice for all !

No, I don't want to meet with him because I think it is evident he is racist.

[However, there is a past]

I never cussed out my fag Majordomo over those cookies.

I love soft feminine women and everyone knows that I am quite the ladies' man

R122

Public image aside, I get the feeling that Marlo is a major cunt.

There's a cunt face if ever I saw one.

My public sees me as a glamorous Mother Theresa like figure who just happens to ooze sex appeal in the name of all things good.

I'm not gay, just an extremely good-looking middle-aged white guy with an extensive knowledge of pop culture history, including but not limited to musical theatre.

My shit doesn't stink. Really.

Madonna

I am not eating my way into an early grave. I can stop binging any time I want.