Valerie Bertinelli and her overpriced cakes are selling like hotcakes!

I'm sorry, but why the fuck would you buy a cake and then spread the cost out over three months? Get yourselves to fuck!

Jenny Craig would not approve.

What was her actual contribution? Taste-testing?

Valerie was on QVC earlier today. She's fat again. Fat.

QVC is pretty expensive compared to a local retail store. I wonder how QVC does so well? BTW, you can just buy a cake pan and make a cake yourself?

She is also selling wine and cookbooks.

"What was her actual contribution?"

The Cake Hole.

Valerie stole the idea from Joy Harmon. After Joy no longer got films like Cool Hand Luke she branched out.

Harmon started Aunt Joy's Cakes in the kitchen of her California home. Her children now run the expanded wholesale bakery in Burbank. The business is a leading supplier of cakes and cookies to the studios in the L.A. area.

One might have expected car washes instead.

She wants every women to be as fat as her

So all of this Jenny Craig stuff is bullshit, right?

I tried, and I tried, and I TRIED to convince her that out-of-control drug abuse would help to keep her weight down, but NOOOOOOOOO . . .

'dem fraus be juicing fo sum cake.

Her son is also disgustingly fat.

On her IG account she posts pictures of herself without makeup all the time, and they're almost too real. I'm a little grossed out by some, actually.

I guess credit to her for forgoing the ego to do that...I'm not sure I can ever quite think of her as beautiful again, however.

Amazing how much wider her nose is unmade up. Which is often what I try to tell people here when they're convinced certain actress like Paltrow got a nose job. Makeup - espcially all the tricks of the trade these women's have access to - can work wonders.

And her skin is pretty terrible too - bad rosacea.

I wouldn't pay $68 for a lap dance and a handy!

I would pay 30 bucks for this but 70?

Why is she hawking this garbage?

Has she totally given up?

[italic]Hot in Cleveland[/italic]'s off the air, her money from [italic]One Day at a Time[/italic] must be long gone by now, and I don't know whether Eddie Van Halen is paying her any alimony at this point. She's got to do something to earn a living.

Doesn't she still have Touched By a Della money?

I'm now following her on instagram based on R14's recommendation. Good Stuff.

Now I'm wondering if these love cakes will make you skinny or is Jenny Craig now officially over.

Eat cake, lose…aw fuck it, who am I kidding? I'll never look like I did in 1980 again.

She still has guys drooling all over themselves on message boards like it is still 1980.

Oh dear... $70.00 WTF

They do look good and I have a birthday coming up......

My sister spent $100 on her niece's baby shower cake. Maybe these are special occasion cakes that can feed a lot of people.

Valerie's cakes are huge.

R26 so is she...

Too easy, R27.

R26...

She said she took drugs to keep her weight down because "Ed likes me skinny"

R29 …

She actually looks like she is a good cook from watching her shows.

But where did she get her training exactly?

Where did she find the time to develop her culinary skills?

She is still pretty and that is what is most important.😘

I like Valerie I think it's sad that she doesn't have a career as an actress anymore she was quite talented any reason why they won't hire her I mean come on she's still gorgeous?

It feels so good to type those three little letters in every Datalounge thread, over and over again:

fat

Fat

FAT!!!!!

R35 is a c***!!

I've always liked Val, she radiates kindness and decency.

I wonder if her sister Helena approves?

[quote]Now I'm wondering if these love cakes will make you skinny or is Jenny Craig now officially over.

The cakes are a cheesecake layer covered by a very rich chocolate layer. Probably not on the Jenny Craig plan.

Even when I had tons of money, I would never spend 70 bucks on a friggin' cake.

R34, sentences are a thing. Look into it.

If I was spending $70 on a cake it would not be mailed to me.

R42 makes a very good point. I'd rather have a fresh cake than one frozen and packed.

I am writing using voice activated software that is why I can do my run on sentences as artfully as I do them deal with it you just triggered me I hope you feel guilty now can't remember the number you used as a respondent

In the world of cheesecake shilling by has-beens, that's a bargain.

A 5.5 lb. (88 oz.) Love Cake is $68.54 with free shipping.

A package of 24 of Carnie Wilson's Love Bites, each one weighing 38 grams (1.34 oz. x 24 = 32.16 oz.), costs $79.99 plus $9.99 shipping and handling.

That's insane pricing, r45.

Who on earth would pay that much for this shit??

And then you too can look like Carnie Wilson.

For me, this is the only Love Cake that exists. It's so unbelievably delicious, despite its humble appearance. If you want to waste some money on Val's cake, fine. But spend that same money on the ingredients for this cake and bake it, you'll be happy you did. Just don't eat it the first day, it needs to sit a day or so after baking for the flavors and textures to set.

^^^use lime rind, not lemon despite what the recipe says.

Wow!

What do you expect from the "Yoko Ono" of Van Halen?

Oh come on, she's better than Yoko Ono.

I find her very likable the cake looks horrendous.

She is getting old and fat and maybe can age into character parts.

There is something to be said for an actress who starved and sometimes drugged herself to stay thin for decades to just enjoy her later years and not try to fight the number on the scale anymore.

But who would pay that much for a damn cake?

r52

No, she's not.

Her acting career is dead so she's hawking overpriced mail order cakes and other overpriced crap.

I have to assume only Trump voters are stupid enough to pay $70 for a mail order cake. Even trashier to put it on layaway for 5 easy payments.

R57 that's the only way the Deplorables could afford to buy one of her cakes.

Given I paid the US equivalent of $20 in a cafe for a green tea and watermelon glaze cupcake the other day, these globs look unappetising whatever their price.

^^^how can you even stand yourself for typing that pretentious reply?

My husband is watching Valerie right now on the cooking channel saying in amazement, I think she can really cook. She's still got it!

Valerie could be the new Kathie lady. She is very sweet. I want that cake. It may be overpriced but I can't find anything like it where I live.

She makes the love cakes on her TV show. I made the strawberry one and it was a big hit. It is somewhat expensive to make (lots of mascarpone, for example) but nowhere near what they're charging.

She is so pretty.

Did Veneble do the happy dance. She lurves to eats.

He almost did when he ate her version of Hamburger Helper. He's pathetic.

The complete box set of the show that made her famous is coming out in January.

Let me know when that broad can take two slices of wonderbread and a jar of grape jelly and turn it into a cake...

Because of the shape of her face VB will never look old. It's amazing. I really don't think she's had any work done. Even in the IG pictures without makeup she looks like shit but she doesn't look old.

If her cakes are organic then she charges about the same as the organic bakeries in my friend's neighborhood, Brooklyn Heights, in Brooklyn, NY. I went in there with him to get a cake for his hubby's mom's BD and it was $80.00. I almost screamed out loud when I heard that but bit my tongue. It was his money, but jeeze! It wasn't a really big cake either. I guess you could get 8 small slices out of it, maybe 10 if you served slivers.

Of course I don't think her cakes are organic so yes, a rip off, unless they feed like 20 a nice big slice each.

I wish somebody would offer her a part.

I can't get over the irony of VB once being a spokesperson for Jenny Craig. Now she's slinging love cakes.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I don't know a straight man who'd turn her down. Even though she was merely cute/pretty, and a little chunky, she had so much sex appeal. My husband thinks she was hot and said he still would with present-day chubby Valerie. (Especially since she bakes!)

I can't say anything bad about her. She seems like a fun person, doesn't come off as pretentious. Glad she's found a way to make some money.

Good for her! Make that $$$$$.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I went into a bakery in Tribeca that was selling cakes the same size for $90. There will be people dumb enough to pay that much.

R32 Valerie BertnErnie is an Italian woman so she is a natural cook

With shipping and tax, you're talking about $80 for a fucking cheesecake. It's just cream cheese with pudding on top.

But you can get it for 16 easy payments of $5.

Her current husband is very cute.

OMG! I can't believe how fat David Venerable has gotten. I remember when he had a hot body a few years ago. What the hell happened?

I think she is inherently likable. Her face is round and she's always had chipmunk cheeks. That ages well.

She's a Deplorable, shoveling sugar and grease into Deplorables who regard her and this cheezy scam as aspirational. She's the simple-carbohydrate equivalent of Thomas Kinkaid.

Actually she is so liberal that she said in her biography that she had to find a way to forgive her parents and their conservative leanings.

Did anybody here buy her cake?

Meanwhile the NYT just featured a fabulous weekend story about how cake-mix cakes out of the box, are THE dessert among the poor indigenous denizens of Alaska's remotest regions:

"In Alaska's Far-Flung Villages, Happiness Is a Cake Mix"

Excerpt: “Cake mixes are the center of our little universe,” said Cynthia Erickson, who owns the only grocery store in Tanana, an Athabascan village of 300 along the Yukon River in central Alaska. “I have four damn shelves full.”

Love this--The over-stuffed booujie Valerie Bertinelli can take her installment-plan cakes and sit on them.

Oops here is the recipe

I tried one of her goddamned CAKES and it should have been called Bertinelli's DUMP CAKE because it made down in the DUMPS and sent me into a shame spiral.

I've made this one, and while it was good, it's impossible to find one of the ingredients--the strawberry creme pudding mix (I don't think it's even made anymore.)

She is adorable.

Yes it's expensive, but to be fair she seems very much in love with her new husband Tom. Perhaps this is the love that each love cake is made with and thus the expensive cost. Good for her.

[quote] she seems very much in love with her new husband Tom. Perhaps this is the love that each love cake is made with and thus the expensive cost.

R91 = frau

[quote]I'm now following her on instagram based on [R14]'s recommendation.

Congrats to r20 for typing "based on" instead of "based off of."

r44 you may be "dictating," but you are writing nearly unintelligibly. All you have to do is say "period/space" or some such command.

I would not pay $70 for such a cake. I'd make it myself. Mascarpone and good chocolate can be expensive, though.

Ready-to-eat mail order food is DISGUSTING. I imagine the severely disabled are the only ones buying it.

No grandma, no thanks. DNW the cake you bought on QVC last month.

Wolfie is stunningly unattractive.

would love to watch her make a dump cake! a fresh one!!!

That must have been so funny, R99, when it was new.

R99 me too.

I miss her as an actress.

"She wants every women to be as fat as her"

That's ok- the clothes just get bigger.

[quote]I've made this one, and while it was good, it's impossible to find one of the ingredients--the strawberry creme pudding mix (I don't think it's even made anymore.)

It's a JELL-O product and it's available at Walmart and Amazon.

Valerie's Love Cake has fairly terrible reviews on QVC.

R89, as r104 notes, it's available on Amazon.

The price seems reasonable to me. I suspect a local bakery would charge the same. Actually a dense cake like this is perfect for ordering online and shipping.

I love the "I'd just bake it crowd." Like baking is as easy as making Hamburger Helper.

r104 r106 Thanks. I just made the Pumpkin Spice Love Cake for a party (also got good reviews) and it required Pumpkin Spice pudding mix. Again, nearly impossible to find. I found ONE package at the only supermarket in my area that Kraft's product finder said would have it.

It's kind of an expensive cake to make-- two pounds of ricotta and a whole pound of mascarpone -- both pricey ingredients.

[quote]I love the "I'd just bake it crowd." Like baking is as easy as making Hamburger Helper.

I wouldn't know. I've never made Hamburger Helper. But I do like to bake, you simpleton.

Valerie Bertinelli is a great baker and a nice person.

R109 - I'm a simpleton for thinking baking is far from an easy task? I'm sorry you've lived under a rock for the last thirty years and don't understand the Hamburger Helper reference.

She isn't interested in participating in the boxed set like Mack and Glenn are.

R111, I am able to bake a cake without problems. Sorry you find it difficult.

I paid Valerie a lot to keep her overpriced cakes and body slender and in shape.

R113 - now that you've admitted you bake with no problems you haven't outed yourself as someone who never bakes.

Is this akin to a famous person in sobriety selling alcohol?

What's your point, R116?

.....

Valerie is a frau.

Every woman is a Frau.

Wait, Drew Barrymore sells wine? Weird.

A long time ago there was controversy about Alice Cooper appearing in beer commercials because he had publicized his sobriety for years.

Why wouldn't someone who doesn't bake or doesn't want to bake simply go to a nice neighborhood bakery to get a cake? People are so star struck.

R122 Because it's a Valerie Bertinelli love cake, homemade and made with love. She has a lot of love in her life these days. It's a good thing.

She's tremendously likable. She will always look cute, fat or thin, young or old.

I still wouldn't buy her mail order cake, though.

She really found a second career for herself as a huckster.

Never purchase overpriced food from celebrities.

I don't give money to celebrities, no matter what kind of shit they sell. For the same reason I didn't by records or CDs or pay for music or anything online. I don't go to movies, but that's because of more than just contributing to a celebritie's wealth. I don't go to sporting events.

When people who stand on their feet for hours at Walmart, or dig ditches, or clean toilets and serve in restaurants make fair money maybe I won't feel this way, so it's never. Actors, singers, sports stars spend their life playing children's games and are rewarded millions of times their worth. I feel bad enough that I have to contribute to big companies that make things but I have to live, but only buy what I must have. I'm so fucking sick of inequality.

R127, I agree.

The only cake I'd pay that much for is Lady M Milles Crepes (they are divine!). I usually buy a couples slices from the Plaza Food Hall on a monthly basis (I work close by).

She needs to do Dancing With The Stars.

R127= Ouiser Boudreaux

Is there a list of ingredients somewhere. I could easily pick up a Duncan Hines mix like momma used. Why go through the effort of ordering her crap?

What's better - Valerie's Love Cake or Truvvy's Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa Cake?

r132 see r89. There are numerous different iterations (chocolate, strawberry, pumpkin, etc.) but the basic recipe is the same.

Anybody know why Val and Boyd Gaines never got along?

She stole the idea from ME

I wonder how much she makes with her pie?

For $70, you could buy me AND a bottle of booze!

I wonder what's going on with her acting career?

I wonder why she never tried theater?