BDSM and bondage

I guess it's like black licorice; you love it or hate it. Vanilla sex quickly becomes boring to me, but at the same time, I find a lot of the classic BDSM trappings to be quite silly. Some people take it way too seriously. It's only fun with the right person and under the right circumstances.

The mainstreaming of it all really fucked it up. Things like Madonna's sex book did not help at all. Now it all feels like a parody of itself. Plus too many psychos out there to do it lightly with anyone you don't know well. REALLY well.

Are there any "hookup sites" for guys who want to "own" a slave?

It's mostly an eldergay thing.

Don't think so. Younger guys seem to want to be owned. (Used to be called being slaves)

Someone on this board wrote some years ago that all the bondage and S&M sex in the world will never address your core issues. I completely agree. Some light stuff is fun - but there are people who go REALLY far into humiliation, almost torture, and giving up their own will and agency. That's not healthy and reeks of other issues.

People will always say - as long as it isn't hurting anyone, who cares? I would counter that people hurt themselves in the process and self-abuse is just as bad.

I know of several people who played around with this and invariably they all got with some person who took things WAY too far. A friend of mine almost got the shit beat out of him if it wasn't for other people stepping in to tell the 'master' to stop. It's a power thing - and anyway you look at it, it's disturbing for both people involved.

Again - not the light stuff and role playing.

It’s fun when done correctly. It’s not about getting hurt or hurting others, at least not for me. Nor is it about humiliation. It’s about giving up control, momentarily, and still enjoying yourself and your partner also enjoying themselves.

The problem lies in that most people have no idea what they’re doing, when they decide, suddenly, that they want to try it.

I had to be taught what to do, because I didn’t know anything about it. I got into it during the 90s, and attended bondage parties, and clubs. There were some really fucked up people in the scene, that really wanted to be hurt. That was a huge turn off to me, because I didn’t want to actually physically hurt someone, and that’s what some of these guys wanted.

Interestingly enough, lots of the guys were either impotent (before Viagra, Cialis, etc.), or didn’t want actual sex. They got off on the humiliation.

I rarely ever engage in it now, and haven’t, for many years. An occasional tying of the wrists is plenty.

I agree, most slaves just like the humiliation and not so much the sex. RECON is one site for those interested but there must be others.

It just taps into some very deep-seated emotional issues, when its of the serious variety. I agree that the light bondage stuff has always appeared silly to me, that whole 50 Shades bullshit the fraus love because they feel "edgy" for a brief moment instead of what they really are. When I was much younger, I had a need to be tied up and restrained. I liked breathplay, I imagined myself as this wild, willful beast who had to be held down because it was so ingrained in my head by my mother that I was a "problem", that no matter what I did, I would always be a disappointment. My childhood home was often a very violent place and that trauma of that sat in my head and made me want to punish myself, whether that be whipping or choking. For a while, I was in a relationship with a pain slut who dug the humiliation, and that really sparked my interest, playing the dom. It helped that the guy who was so into it, I kind of loathed (okay, he was a brother-in-law) and it was more hate-fucking because he used to make me feel powerless. It felt good to turn the tables.

It creeps me out.

I like Japanese bondage because it's so intricate and beautiful.

But it's like DP, something that SHOULD be hot, but just isn't when you actually try it.

I'm somewhat dom by nature but if a bottom gets too much into being dominated I tune out.