From BUD: The Brando I Knew' book
"Sometimes, especially on weekends, girls from Greenwich Village drifted uptown to join our get-togethers...They came, of course, to get laid, and laid they were. Occasionally I would wake up in the morning and find one of these predatory, sexually voracious creatures sleeping beside me, and then I would have to sort out my thoughts about the night before until I could remember how she got there. And not always succeeding.
One morning I woke up in the maid's room—it was the only unoccupied bed space in the apartment—and felt a gentle touch of fingertips on my stomach. I turned over and found myself staring directly at Marlon's broad back. His hand was groping tentatively, blindly, behind him. I watched as his hand moved down below my navel, crawling caterpillarlike along my abdomen to my pubic hair, until it came to rest at last on my penis. Marlon sprang out of bed, as though he meant to hit the ceiling. He landed on the balls of his feet, actually bouncing once or twice.
'Holy he fuck cried. "I thought I was in bed with a girl! "That's what I thought you thought," I said.
"Were you awake?" "Yes," I said. "Then why the hell didn't you stop me?" "I wanted to see your reaction. You have fantastic reflexes. You'd win the gold medal in the Olympics for the high jump." "Okay, you son of a bitch," Marlon said. "I'm going to get even with you for that. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get even."
A few days later, while we were sitting and talking in the apartment, I scratched my groin rather vigorously, and Marlon's face lit up with a wide, evil grin "You son of a bitch," he chortled. "I told you I'd get even with you, and I did. You've got the crabs." "I do not have the crabs," I said.
"Then why did you scratch your balls?" "I had an itch." "You had an itch because you have the crabs," Marlon insisted "I do not have the crabs," I repeated. He slapped some money on the kitchen table and said, "I'll bet you five bucks you've got the crabs." I covered his bet, lowered my pants and my undershorts, and we set about like monkeys, grooming and searching for crabs. After a long and careful examination of my pubic hair, Marlon finally had to admit that I had none. He was crestfallen Pulling up my trousers and adjusting my clothing, I asked, "What made you so certain I had crabs ? "Because that morning, after we went back to sleep, or rather after you did, I picked two crabs off me and put them on you." "Pardon the pun," I said, "but that was a lousy trick. I picked up the money, folded it neatly, and put it in my pocket.
"One of the things I learned from him was to sit on the toilet seat while urinating. I learned it one day when he and I were in the bathroom in his apartment and he lowered his pants and sat on the bowl. I don't mind sharing a urinal with a chum and chatting with him while our bladders are emptying, but I won't stay in the John with him while he's defecating, so I started to leave. "Where are you going ?" Marlon said. "I'm getting out of here," I said. "I don't want to be around anybody when they're taking a crap. It offends my aesthetic sensibilities." "Your what} I didn't think wops had aesthetic sensibilities. Anyway, I'm not taking a crap, I'm taking a leak." "Sitting down?" I said. "Girls sit. Men stand." "Who says?" "It doesn't need saying. We just happen to be built that way." "Nonsense. Guys can piss from any position they please. Standing on their head, if they like. I got bored standing and watching myself pee. By the way, I just signed to do ]ulius Caesar...."