Let's pretend we're in LA in 1994

Dropped by the Athletic Club today and watched Antony Hamilton getting fucked again in the steam room.

A Kathleen Turner movie about a suburban mom who gets away with murder because of a media circus? I don't wanna see that; that sounds stupid, implausible and impossible. Who would ever believe such a thing could happen? Plus, it's rated R. Sorry, son, we're going to see [italic]Thumbelina[/italic] instead.

I finally got my hillside house built on stilts! I've wanted on since I saw one in the movies! The view of LA is divine!

This is the big one! You hear that Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey! Oh wait, I'm already here!

A movie about a runaway bus?

A whole movie?

How odd...

How cute that Shelley Long thinks she still matters in this town when all she can get for film roles anymore is Florence Henderson's hand-me-downs. Who wants a movie version of [italic]Brady Bunch[/italic] anyway? Their last revival flopped, the dad died of AIDS, and they never won nearly as many Emmys as my show did. What's next, a remake of [italic]Song of Norway[/italic]? A Wesson oil commercial? Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Let's all go to the White Party in Palm Springs. I'm bringing my friend Tina!

What do you mean more Emmy voters voted for Kirstie Alley than for me? I don't care that she played the mother of an autistic boy, I still want a recount! Doesn't she already have enough Emmys for replacing that unstable ginger cunt who ruined [italic]Outrageous Fortune[/italic]? Mama Rose is the role I was born to play, and I played it damn well. Nobody can play that role like I can. Maybe we didn't have Technirama or Natalie Wood, but at least I didn't need Lisa Kirk or Marni Nixon to do my singing for me, and I did every bit of it live on stage. Oh god, it's the 1979 Oscars all over again. I lost another award to some cheap sitcom floozy! And they say Jews run Hollywood. Maybe Disney still wants to hire me, except I'm 40 years too young to be a Golden Girl and they were cancelled.

We haven't had an earthquake in a while, I wond...

Hi. Let's [cliché]. Then afterward we can go and[cliché]. Did you catch that tv show about [cliché]? It really made me think. I'm not so sure I agree with that new trend toward [cliché]. This weekend I'm going to [cliché] and then [cliché] and may try to [cliché] if I have time.

God you're a tard.

Did you see that scar on Kimberly's head when she ripped her wig off?

The most beautiful women in the world are coming to your tv screen. And Linda Gray.

Hey, I just heard Norman Lear's doing another sitcom. This time it's about a black family who now lives in Archie's house. Maybe they'll bring back some original cast members for cameos. If they do, it'll run for at least five years!

R10, nothing's more cliché than pointing out clichés without offering something better.

That Melrose Place is the greatest soap show EVER it's so much better than 90210 which has just started really going to shit after they fired Shannen Doherty.

Which Lancome shade matches my Kaposi's spots?

[quote] That Melrose Place is the greatest soap show EVER

Ahem.

Did you just see [italic]The Tonight Show[/italic] last night? Burt Reynolds just got in a fight with that [italic]Double Dare[/italic] guy. Johnny never would have put up with that shit. After Charlie Callas shoved him as karma for all the people he mistreated throughout his life, he was banned for life. That reminds me, is Charlie Callas still alive?

My god, this season of SNL is just flat-out terrible. This new cast is nothing but talentless hacks, every one of them. And the writing is complete shit. They've always been erratic but this is just awful in every way. Everything that makes bad comedy bad is on display every week. We need an LA-based Saturday night sketch comedy, one with a cast that actually looks like America and not just an mostly-white frat house with a token or two. And now that [italic]In Living Color[/italic] is off the air, we're going to have to do something to keep that audience.

I was doing errands this afternoon and some idiot in a Pontiac Grand Prix ran a red light and almost T- boned my Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera!

I can't believe they cancelled [italic]Dinosaurs[/italic]. Bad enough they kept moving it around so I could never actually find it, but once I finally find it again, they cancel it! And they actually had everybody go extinct in the last episode. Yeah, like that could ever happen to humans in our lifetime. They did it just to spite ABC, but honestly they deserve that spite, considering how many of their other sitcoms are total crap. Some company needs to buy them out and put people with good taste in charge.

Looks like this Internet thing is catching on and is here to stay. I wish there was site where gay men could go to chat anonymously and say whatever is on our minds.

OMG Kurt Cobain killed himself :( I'm going to Seattle for the memorial tribute sit-in. One silk rose, All Apologies lyrics challigraphed on parchment, tiny electric guitar to lay reverently on increasingly larger pile of like items...

Dude, I need tickets to Woodstock 94. And a ride there. I asked my parents, but they said "get a job" and that defeats the whole point of what Woodstock is about.

Madonna made a complete ass of herself on The Late Show. Her downward spiral continues.

Geez, the way Clinton talked about Tricky Dick at his funeral, you'd think the American military defeat in Vietnam, the War on Drugs and the Watergate burglary never happened.

I wonder what kind of hat they buried Jackie Kennedy in.

This entire thread proves my point.

January, 1994. A lovely day in Oahu.

Detailer: Well, Sergeant, time for you to rotate out. I have posts at Ft Lewis, WA and Ft Riley KS for your MOS.

Me: Oh no, Sir! Don't you have anything in Texas?

Detailer: Afraid not, Sarge. But I see you enlisted in Los Angeles--I have one slot at Ft. Irwin. That's close to LA.

Me: With all due respect, Sir, I'd rather die in a grease fire than go back to that shithole, Sir.

Detailer: Ft Lewis it is, then. Look on the bright side. Sergeant, you won't have to worry about looking good in a swimsuit for the next 4 years.

Epilogue:

And I never looked back....

And R10/R28's inability to come up with anything but insults proves I was right and that he's an uncreative moron who projects his lack of imagination onto others. Seriously, stay the fuck out of a pretend thread if that's your attitude.

A deaf Miss America. Now I've seen and heard everything. But she sure hasn't.

So now we know why Reagan was saying "I do not recall" so much during Iran-Contra. He has Alzheimer's. Must have been something in all those jelly beans.

I love Madonna's new Bedtime Stories CD. It's her R&B album. I have a feeling as she gets older that she'll move more into R&B territory and further away from dance pop.

Those idiots in Congress are calling for [italic]Beavis and Butt-head[/italic] to be banned just because some dumb kid saw him talking about fire on TV and set his house on fire and killed his little sister. Yeah, but what about every other viewer who was watching it that day. How many of them did that? Someone ought to burn their houses down instead, the homophobic cracker scum.

WHY ME?!!!!

WHYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEE?!!!!

Wow, I'd forgotten all about that, R33.

I'd say about 5 of these responses have anything to do with LA.

[quote]I'd say about 5 of these responses have anything to do with LA.

I'm trying not to fall back on nothing but earthquake and OJ jokes, but it's not easy. What the hell else was going on at the time?

My life is flashing before my eyes!

I'm a sicko but I laughed at r39.

I'm Patti LuPone, packing up my suitcase in London and ready to open Sunset Boulevard in LA before heading to Broadway!

Well, at least I missed that earthquake

--Harry Nilsson

[quote] I'm Patti LuPone, packing up my suitcase in London and ready to open Sunset Boulevard in LA before heading to Broadway!

Sure, rub it in why don't you. First my sitcom flops, now this. Play Joan Crawford, my agent said. You'll win another Oscar, he said. Last time I checked an Oscar didn't look like a Super 8 reel with a golf ball attached to it. I should have fired him for that but no no no, he promised me [italic]Supergirl[/italic] would revive my career. And then flop after flop after flop later, here I am getting turned down by Andrew Lloyd Webber for his new travesty of a classic film. If I can play Joan Crawford, I sure as hell can play Norma Desmond.

A movie with that washed-up, closet-case has-been, John Travolta???

This isn't 1978. It'll never succeed!

I was walking by the White House the other day, and I saw the prettiest girl in a blue dress and a beret. Those politicians are so lucky!

Buying a loft in Little Tokyo or downtown LA??? That's absolutely nuts! That will always be a no-go zone after 5 pm!

I became a millionaire, only to be killed by the drain in my pool eight years later!

We need to push this Proposition 187! It is the only sensible thing to save our state from the illegals, and it won't, in any way, shape, or form hurt our party in the decades to come!

Sorry, Mr. Crane. I'm glad you thought of me for the part, but I just can't do this show. I don't mind playing a Jewish girl, but I just don't believe premarital sex is either morally right or a good idea, so I can't in good conscience do it. I don't want to send a bad message to American women. Plus, it's way too similar to my old show.

[quote]And [R10]/[R28]'s inability to come up with anything but insults proves I was right and that he's an uncreative moron who projects his lack of imagination onto others. Seriously, stay the fuck out of a pretend thread if that's your attitude.

Mmmm, no.

Shit, Kurt Cobain just joined the 27 club!

No, Michael, you don't understand. This is non-negotiable. Either I get Frank Wells' old job or I leave the company. I don't care if Roy wants to start a proxy war. I helped save this company, too. Don't I deserve to reap some of the rewards of that success? Before I came to this studio, Disney was an also-ran living on borrowed time and coasting on nostalgia for long-past successes. Now look at us!

Who do I have to fuck to get a part in a movie in this town?

R7 that was spot on.

It's Saturday night, let's go out! Where should we go? If we go to WeHo, it could be the Revolver, Mickey's, Rage, or Motherload. First we could go to The Abbey for coffee (they don't serve alcohol). Or we could go to The Roosterfish in Venice? Or maybe the Silver Fox or Ripples in Long Beach? Or the Boom Boom Room in Laguna Beach? So many choices!

Uh, why did "The A B B E Y for coffee" get censored?

R55...Let's go out in the Valley. Happy Hour at the Queen Mary, then a quick bite at Koo Koo Roo or Chin Chin before going to Apache. They're having a special on Jaegermeister shots. Then we can hit The Lodge and when we're drunk and horny we can stumble out back and cruise the alley behind Le Sex Shoppe.

And if if that doesn't work, we can always go back to our Northridge damaged $500 1 bedroom apartments, flip through the back of Frontiers and call phone sex lines.

Oooh...an aftershock!

I know you didnt want to go to Spagos again, but after we order, will you go over to Tower and get that new Veruca Salt CD. Seether really rocks and theyre going to be around awhile!

Who the fuck is this plain-Jane Sandra Bullock and why does she get to co-star alongside that hot piece of ass, Keanu Reeves??

I know a guy who fucked Tom Cruise!

bump

I wouldn't set foot in Studio One, not with their door policy. I stay in Silverlake.

Shit, my HIV has developed into full blown AIDS. AZT was not the wonder drug we'd hoped for; in fact, it seems to have made things worse. How could that be?

My doctor says that if I can hang on another two years, a new drug called a retroviral will be the answer to all our prayers. I'm already blind in one eye from CMV but maybe if I can just get over this bout of PCP I'll be okay...wish me luck.

What's with all these fucking Armenians? Jesus, they're gross.

Angelyne turns 50!!!!!!

My friend Bob just bought a house in Los Feliz? No, it's not the Valley, it's like the other side of Hollywood, you know, like East LA, gangbangers and all that. Yeah, sort of right near Griffith Park. You could not pay me to live there. I told him he was nuts.

Ya know, that Supermodel song from last year was kinda cute but I don't see that Rupaul going very far. Drag queens, really?! See you later at Cuffs where real men are!

Car-jackings are fucking, crazy, man! You never know when you'll stall at a red-light and some fucker will point a gun at you and try to steal your car!

bump!

I can't believe that stupid show Lisa and I turned down actually became a hit. That's it. The next pilot script I'm offered, I don't care how bad it is, I'll take it.

Two new broadcast networks? Aren't four broadcast networks, 50 cable channels, VHS and laserdisc enough choices? How much of this do we really need, anyway? And will high-definition TV ever happen or is it just a pipe dream?

Who knew 1994 had LA's best days....

It really didn't, R72, people were still dying of AIDS in their millions as this was pre-retrovirals.

So my AIDS is terminal now - nothing the doctors can do.

I wish I lived in 2016. I'm sure there will be a cure by then.

That Maria Shriver should just marry Arnold Schwarzenegger he seems so honest and trustworthy.

Oh, wait, Maria and Arnold have been married for a while now. They look so in love! Nothing can break them!

I've just watched Michael Jackson and his new bride Lisa Marie Presley kissing passionately on MTV awards!

Did you see that new Ellen Degeneres sitcom? It's not bad, but it's ridiculous she's trying to play straight. She's such a dyke you can tell from outer space!

This year is MY year to win the Oscar! Do you hear me? No one can stop me! Not Rosie Perez, and not Emma Thompson! And Holly Hunter is going to win Best Actress, so the award for Best Supporting Actress is ALL MINE!

Geez, another ice cream commercial? First my agent promised me [italic]All's Fair[/italic] was gonna make me a TV star, then he promised me [italic]The Jerk, Pennies From Heaven[/italic] and [italic]Annie[/italic] were gonna make me a star. Well, I'm still waiting. If it weren't for this cartoon where I'm a singing cat, I'd have nothing to do here. I'm going back to Broadway.

What kind of idiot pays half a million dollars for a house in Brentwood Circle? He's going to lose his shirt on that one if he ever tries to sell. Even worse than that place in Malibu.

Holy shit! Did you read the headlines this morning? I guess if we do another [italic]Naked Gun[/italic] movie we'll need to recast Nordberg…again. Maybe we'll make him Chinese next time.

What the fuck is going on in Brentwood? Cops everywhere, it's a mess. Nothing ever happens in Brentwood because it's all white people. I wonder what's going on. I guess I'll have to wait several hours until the news comes on to find out what it is.

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

And the drugs don't work

AZT just made things worse

And I'm

Gonna be dead of AIDS this year.

R48 You are right.

Prop 187 is the only answer from keeping ALL MEXICANS err I mean illegal aliens from taking our jobs.

I mean like what could possibly go wrong?

That earthquake was a 7.2 and my house just disappeared down a chasm.

Anne Styles gave birth to Harry in February 1994!!

The Northridge earthquake was terrifying - it took out my house and now I'm in a homeless shelter.

Yes, Mr. Weinstein: when I say I'll do anything for a good role, I mean [italic]anything.[/italic]

Has anyone seen this awful new sitcom on Thursday before Seinfeld? It's about a bunch of whiny twentysomethings in NYC, and it's got that brunette girl who danced with Bruce Springsteen in the "Dancing in the Dark" video and that tall blonde girl who plays the waitress on "Mad about You." Oh, and a monkey. The monkey's the best thing in it.

Just got back from the premiere of "Ready to Wear." Julia Roberts is finished. Ovah. She'll never make it in Hollywood.

Ron, that was a lovely evening we had together. You're so nice and handsome, not like the other guys I've been with. You really know how to treat a woman. I'll see you tomorrow.

[quote] I've just watched Michael Jackson and his new bride Lisa Marie Presley kissing passionately on MTV awards!

I remember when he used to kiss me that way.

Is Tonya Harding here? I've got to find her.

Kids, if you sing "Hakuna Matata" one more time and keep getting the words wrong, I will rip that [italic]Lion King[/italic] cassette out of the player and throw it onto the 5.

Let's see - we have a choice of going to the Tonight Show or the Arsenio Hall show - lets go see Arsenio, because his show is so much more hip!

Carol, have you seen that new Jodie Foster movie [italic]Nell[/italic]? Totally ridiculous. I mean, she tries to play a feral woman, but she just totally tries too hard. Seriously, she already has like two Oscars, so what else does she have to do for attention, say she's a lesbian and hang around with neo-Nazis? What an attention whore. Not like that Ellen DeGeneres from that new show [italic]These Friends of Mine[/italic] on ABC. She seems nice enough. I'm sure she'll find a husband soon.

We're LA. We believe in trust. We don't do security.

No, honey, we shouldn't buy a house in Los Angeles. The median home price there is $150,000! Gawd! We'd never get that back on selling it!

I love this new [italic]Back to the Future[/italic] ride at Universal Studios. I wonder if Michael J. Fox has actually ridden it yet so he can feel all the shakes and twists and turns.

Geez, are they ever gonna bring back my soaps? Decide on a verdict already! How much more evidence do you need? He's guilty. The DNA tests prove it beyond any reasonable doubt. I don't care what Furhman said on the tapes, and I don't believe anyone who's smart enough to go to such elaborate lengths to frame a beloved public figure for murder would be too stupid to destroy or hide that tape. People just don't behave that way in real life. But that Kato Kaelin really makes my hoo-ha tingle for some reason. My Fred hasn't looked that good since he was in high school; now he looks more an even fatter Robert Shapiro.

I guess I can afford to send [bold]all[/bold] the kids to Harvard after all.

R1 wins

Poor Anthony Hamilton lost

There's a rumor of a powerful new drug which stops HIV in its tracks but they said that about AZT and look what happened. It's gonna be too late for me. I've sold my house and cashed in everything; Ryan and I are going travelling for the next two years. No symptoms yet for either of us but it could happen any time.

So much overwriting. You'll be great on CSI.

Hi Robert hun, how was that O.J. thing going? Well, I just saw the stupidest Canadian film ever called Louis,28, King of the Airwaves. It's about a guy who has a t.v. crew that follows him around 24/7 for a t.v. show!. Can you imagine? What idiot would allow thier life to be put on for public display like that? And what pinhead would want to see such mundane trash? Kim! No you may not have another piece of cake! I mean, my god, look at your fat ass! Robbie, hun, show your sister how to use that new video recorder so she take a videogram of her huge dumper! Honestly!

Courtney, if I can just be left alone to shoot up in peace, maybe I'll be okay. I don't want to go to rehab; I'm in pain, man - my stomach fucking hurts without the gear and it always has done. Nothing else works for me.

Oh sorry, Bruce, I called you my ex's name. I was confused, something you never are, you manly man you! But another thing, I'm worried about Khloe. All she does is read JET magazine and watch BET. I don't know What she is up to. Good thing we Have Little Robbie who looks like he will be the most sucessful of all the brats!

Okay, fine, I'll allow cameras into the courts just this once. What harm could it do?

As long as they never find my secret n-word tape, OJ's as good as convicted. And they'll never know that it was I, Mark Furhman, who actually killed my darling Nicole and that Jewboy she was with and planted all the evidence. If a white man can't have her, no one can. Anything to help finish what Der Führer started.

Dude, I'm telling you, that new [italic]Lion King[/italic] movie totally ripped off some old Japanese cartoon. And [italic]Hamlet[/italic]. And [italic]Bambi[/italic]. And [italic]The Jungle Book[/italic]. And a lot of ancient African mythology about lions. But don't you go calling it an "homage" to any of those things; that's just French for "rip-off."

So everyone I know has died of AIDS now.

Another year, another loss at the Emmys. I don't know how Susan Lucci does it. Oh well, onto season 11. We're still the highest rated non-news show on Sunday night. Nobody's ever been able to beat us. Fox just moved [italic]The Simpsons[/italic] up against me so we'll see how much longer they last. They may have brought down Cosby, but I'm another matter altogether.

God, please forgive me for defending a man for killing one of my own people.

I don't know about you, but I'm gonna quit watching that new [italic]All-American Girl[/italic] show. It started strong, but it's went way downhill once they pushed the family, including the fat grandma and the gay guy who played her older brother, into the background for Margaret's white friends. Too bad, she could have been another Roseanne.

They are going to expand The Abbey? ... Its just a coffee shop. Like thats really going to work.

Nah, I'm depressed enough after that other 90s thread thinking how far my standards have already fallen.

But I'll see you at the back of Cantors deli in 1991.

I love Jan's coffee, voted Best Coffee in LA by LA magazine; the waitresses here are out of Central Casting; the food is basic and good.

I know this place will be here forever.

I'm only 32. I have years to find a boyfriend.

I'm sure there will be a cure for AIDS soon.

Jesus, three kids and each one as thick and empty headed as the next.

Why did I marry Kris?

Maybe my baby son will make up for them, go to Harvard for Law perhaps.

Let's all water our lawns! There'll always be plenty of water!

I'm an animator on Disney's classic-in-the-works [italic]Pocahontas[/italic]. They're promising it'll be the biggest hit in the studio's history and finally get us that Best Picture Oscar we've wanted for years but never got. Right now I'm drawing a hummingbird eating a cracker.

I ain't never gettin' paroled, am I?

Put that very expensive, irreplaceable heirloom porcelain serving tray in the china cabinet. I'll purchase something sticky to hold it in place tomorrow.

Wow. Roseanne had the world's first face transplant.

Everyone I know has died of AIDS now.

1994: I don't trust any guy - I just assume they all have HIV or AIDS

2016: I don't trust any guy - I just assume they all have HIV or AIDS.

1994: HiV, AZT, full blown AIDS, funeral.

2016: HIV, Truvada, heart disease aged 50.

1994: two people in Brentwood were brutally murdered. A sleazy attorney named Karda-something appears and manipulates the media.

2016: a sleazy family named Karda-something continues to manipulate the media.

That [italic]Ab Fab[/italic] show is causing quite a stir in the UK, and the gays in this country just can't get enough of it. What we need is an American version. Think about it: [italic]All in the Family[/italic] was a remake of a British sitcom, and it was one of the biggest hits we've ever had. This new show will be just as big, if not bigger. Of course, we'll have to do something about the language. And the casual cruelty. And the drinking. And the drugs. And the sex. And the gays. And the fact that Edina is such a lousy mother and she doesn't even realize it.

We're finally out of bankruptcy, let's see whether we have any actual films lying around to release. Let's see, what have we here. [italic]Clifford[/italic]. What the hell is this? Martin Short playing a 10-year-old boy? Well, we gotta release something so we might as well let it out. Maybe that Jessica Lange thing will balance it out. And since Tony Richardson kicked it three years ago, he can't pester us to do a director's cut.

Cars, apartments, jobs.

And the Oscar GOES TO!!! JESSICA LANGE FOR BLUE SKY!!!!

THATS RIGHT CUNTLINGS!!!

R131. BITCHES KNOWS TALENT WHEN THEY SEES IT!!

There's this great new UK show called Queer as Folk which shows explicit gay sex. I hope we get a US version soon.

Mommy, why can't I watch [italic]Schindler's List[/italic] with you and Daddy? It's from the director of [italic]Jurassic Park[/italic] and you let me watch that three times!

R134 wasn't UK QAF from 1999?

We're doing chinese at Chin Chin around 8 then heading over to Roxbury and Viper Room before going to WeHo for some cock

Aye, r136. 'Tis. And what does it have to do with LA in any year?

People keep seeing Madonna at VIDA in Los Feliz, obviously a neighborhood I've only ever driven through.

I'm a cool LA hipster so I get coffee and breakfast at the diner on Franklin and Vine, the Last Cappucino before the 101

My friend works at Sire Records and he told me the new Madonna album Bedtime Stories is so bad she will probably retire.

If only r141 were typing from 1983.

I'd rather voice the singing, amorous frog in Don Bluth's THE SWAN PRINCESS than risk voicing that pompous hornbill in that second-rate Disney film. If only they'd offered me a part in POCAHONTAS. That picture has the best animation crew and they're really pushing for a Best Picture nod!

Does anybody want to go to Humphrey Yogurt and then Beverly Connection for a movie? I've already seen Speed.

R143 here! I meant to add that Cleese was an LA resident at the time.