My boyfriend refuses to clean his ass

Did you bring $80 worth of Azaleas home?

Poor personal hygiene? Dealbreaker.

Punch and delete, OP, no question about it.

Just hold your nose sweetie. We've all been there.

Yes, get rid of him. So not worth it

VOMITOUS.

Is he from San Francisco? Because that's acceptable there. Maybe he doesn't know better.

He's cheating!

I dated a man briefly, in his 30's whose Mother still wiped his ass. He came to my place once and ruined a Ralph Lauren comforter, and I dumped him.

Buy stock in HandiWipes, then have fun!

Get in the habit of drawing him baths, op. Pass it off as something thoughtful you're doing, even though we know the truth. Pull him into the shower. If he's not against a little manhandling, hold him down and scrub him. Maybe he just wants a little fight.

What's your problem OP? Dump his filthy ass immediately. You should get that 'little mess' and smear it on his fucking mouth and toothbrush.

Don't go back there.

If you can't deal with another guy's shit you have no shouldn't be a top.

edit out "have no"

I never heard anyone having that problem in my day.

Really R10? I think he's referring to deeper sex-hygiene issues that aren't scrubbed away.

Lick me where I fart.

R17, I saw that on Bill Maher tonight! My boyfriend and I laughed like hell.

R8, you are exaggerating about the wiping mother. In his 30s? Come on.

You'd need to be a top for this to be true, OP. Fail.

As an exclusive top, this is the very reason I'm not into spontaneous random street hook ups. I just know there's a shitload of dirty holes out there. I don't always expect it to be perfect, but I've had a couple bad experiences that have forever traumatized me. Someone who is obsessed with their cleanliness is essential in building a relationship with me.

On another matter. Partnered up gays doesn't your bedroom stink of shit in the summer? I mean you cant douvh every time.

I've wondered that myself, r21

-3.1415/10

Ewww. Does your BF also leave shit stains/skidmarks in his underwear? I'm sorry OP, but that's a deal-breaker for me. At the very least, wet ones are a MUST after each and every mud-dump. Your BF is just being lazy and selfish, with a twist of gross thrown in for good measure. Ewww !!

How much "mess" are we talking here?

[quote]Get in the habit of drawing him baths, op. Pass it off as something thoughtful you're doing, even though we know the truth. Pull him into the shower. If he's not against a little manhandling, hold him down and scrub him. Maybe he just wants a little fight.

Are you fucking kidding with this?

OP you have SO many options:

1) go with the flow. if its a bit shitty, wipe up afterwards take a shower whatever.

2) allow him to continue to present shitty ass, fuck him, but he MUST lick it all over afterwards

3) don't fuck him until he presents clean ass

4) not only withhold the fucking until its clean, make an elaborate ritual out of the inspection for cleanliness

5) fuck his shitty ass but punish him afterwards

6) dump him and find an Italian bottom boy - they will present clean and pretty hole to you.

7) and on and on and on

R26 Serious as a heart attack.

Maybe he never learned how to do it? More greens in your fridge, less processed foods.

tie him down, and force an enema into his ass. you know that he wants it

Is he an Apple user by any chance?

You aren't feeding your boyfriend the right kind of food. Switch his kibble up for something else. That'll clean him up.

R31 It sounds like he needs to using far, more apples than he does.

Rarely do I like to flaunt my Vegetarian superiority OP, but this is one of those times: He needs to eat more greens and lay off the animal.

Um. No, we haven't R3.

Lick him out you selfish bitch!

[quote]roughage

You mean "greens"?

R37 I meant roughage, dietary peasant!

this thread is extremely disgusting. i can't believe people literally put up with other people's shit.

R39 No problems that can't be solved with industrial strength Irish Spring.

You meant "greens", you culinary ABI victim. I should also mention, for future reference, you do not say"protein", you say MEAT OR FISH OR MAIN INGREDIENT.

Silly millennial.

Don't forget SEAFOOD.

R41 You snooty, elitist, dietary classification supremacist chef, apples have fiber! Fiber is roughage!

Those are called FRRRRRUUUUUUUUUITS, R43.

You don't have to make everything out to be a camping trip. Trying to bolster your own sense of masculinity by using dumb-fuck-jock terminology doesn't really work.

R44 That fruit has FIBER! Fiber is ROUGHAGE!

R45 Where is this camping trip of dumb-fuck-jocks who use the term "roughage" repeatedly because that's where I WANT TO BE!

Sincerely though R44 I do love you and your striving for excellence in classifying food stuffs. But fiber is roughage.

You know, there were no dirty asses before Obama.

Sorry, but roughage shouldn't just be a classification or food source...but the technique OP's boyfriend uses to wash his gnarly ass!!

Hes a dirty little scat queen in the making. Watch out, youll be sitting in a special chair soon or on a glass coffee table and dumping all over him. Punch. And. Delete. DTMFA.

Roughage is something you chop with a machete on your way through a jungle. You don't eat it unless it happens to be an edible plant i.e. HERB or VEGETABLE. Sometimes it may have FRUIT on it that may be harvested so that you may consume some FRUIT.

I know that it's easy to simplify it all to one term "roughage" because using multiple terms like "fruit" and "vegetable" are a little too complex for some people, but it simply isn't correct.

Here's some "roughage" for you.

*unloads a bail of hay*

R53 Apple skins have cellulose in them and if cellulose isn't roughage, I don't know what is. Then there's the soluble fiber. Think of it like hierarchies of classifications; mammals are also vertebrates, they are not only one or the other. A ship is a boat but a boat is not always a ship, etc.

[quote] this thread is extremely disgusting. i can't believe people literally put up with other people's shit

Clearly you've never visited the public bathrooms at the Bellagio!

R56, that is a priceless photo and must become a go-to pic for Poo in the future.

I literally laughed out loud.

I will never use that word unless I'm preparing food for mere animals.

Punch and delete OP

Though I can't imagine too many other tops will put up with it.

There's not bigger boner wilt than the smell of shit wafting up at you

Don't argue with these fiber queen Nazis, they are dizzy from their last massive bowel movement!

Thanks to the Ellen Show, you now have a solution.....

Awesome, r61!

OP's boyfriend is one of those people that don't use wash cloths either. They're always funk boxes.

I am not sympathetic. If you want a shit free hole you should be with a woman or an OCD type gay who douches like a woman. Some guys can never get their hole 100% clean. Is a clean hole more important to you than the person? Try talking honestly about sex with him and reach some kind of compromise. You may find out that he is not so into being a bottom anymore, and wants to try something new. Save your pennies.

R64 = OP's lazy and gross bf.

Thanks to this thread, I now know how to spell "roughage".

R64, being gay means conceding to shitty sex? No, just no.

It's not being gay, it's fucking ass. Straights assfuck too, they also have to deal with it.

I just want y'all to know that I'm reading this thread and taking notes like...

A little scat play never hurt anybody OP. Hide & Go Shit was my dearly departed sister's favorite game!

It's never going to be 100% clean - sad but true. A full on fudge factory is pretty gross though. By the Fleet for him and leave it on the toilet tank with a big red bow. Scat shame him. Withhold the penis until he cleans out his pooper. Or if he is seriously hot - just dig into the doo doo brown and enjoy the bubble butt until you can't take the odor and shit sticking to your pubes. Some of the physically HOTTEST straight/bi boys that I topped who were all muscle and hot huge bubble asses were sort of dirty down there. A gorgeous stud can keep you hard despite a little dirt in their dumpster. There are worse things in life. But I am sure that when the drive to top him dries up - he will either start cleaning up down there or move along - if you haven't already. Personally, I don't get wanting to bottom but if I did - I would be horrified to "paint those dicks". OP's bf sounds like a lazy bottom with little self worth.

[quote]It's not being gay, it's fucking ass. Straights assfuck too, they also have to deal with it.

Nope, we really don't.

R72 - I know that porn and reality do not run hand in hand - but all the straight porn these days is anal. Women do seem to be more hygienic as a group though.

My guess is that either OP's bf is secretly into scat-play but too much of a wuss to admit it... or he's mad at OP and wants to punish him using doody.

Either way, punch and delete.

Present the poop-shoot!

R71 is hilarious but true. OP's bf's outer hole may be nice and clean, but it's probably that OP gets in and loosens things. It's important that tops understand that you HAVE to have an enema to 100% guarantee a clean trench.

Also a bottom can screw up the douche.

If he shoots water too deep, it goes into the colon. Most experienced bottoms can guarantee a clean descending colon nevertheless. But if the water gets into the transverse, and isn't evacuated before the fuck, well.

You know what's next.

[quote] Women do seem to be more hygienic as a group though.

My mother always says the Lord never gives you more pussy stink than you can handle!

Spray and go

Question: Do people with colostomy bags have squeaking clean asses?

R80 should be a debate question tomorrow night.

Clinton: Let me check...

Trump: I know all the colostomy experts. And let me just tell you...absolutely MASSIVE colostomies! ok!? Believe me. We're going to build a bag!

R81 It was all good until you left the word huge out of the equation.................

[quote] being gay means conceding to shitty sex?

That's what I was always taught.

If you use a shower shot, you can really get pretty clean.

When boy friends allow their ass to remain stinky, thats a sign you likely have crooked teeth and or bad breath.

R85 - huh? I guess that I don't get the pun.

Do you know you can turn this into something sexually new, Op?

R87 That is so disgusting. Making a dump of shit look like a cock? What a crock........

LORD - that's an acquired taste - pun intended.........

Well, this thread certainly went down the SHITTER!

Poop makes the better lube!!

Yum

Yuck