In your opinion is "once a cheater always a cheater"

Straight people problems.

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

People are who they are, it's rare that someone is ever going to change their personality.

Now whether monogamy should actually be the goal if a relationship is a different story...

For the "other woman or man"...if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

W&W R2 and r3.

YES and I can't make it any plainer than that.

A female friend of mine cheated on her long-term boyfriend with a man whom she ended up marrying. They've been together for close to 20 years and have three children. Would she cheat again? Maybe but I doubt it. Anything is possible, though, that's what makes us human. I used to know her quite well and don't think she had ever cheated on anyone before.

Now serial cheaters can be something totally different. You should just stay away or realize that's the deal with them.

Even non-cheaters will probably be cheaters

Not if Jon Erik Hexum were still alive and he was my husband

[quote]Now whether monogamy should actually be the goal if a relationship is a different story...

Ahh, the old open or closed relationship dilemma faced by many gay couples.

Whether or not a couple chooses to be non-monogamous or monogamous I would hope at least it would be understood by both partners early on in the relationship.

Too many times, I've seen couples move in together without even the conversation only to be shocked,frustrated and disappointed when the topic finally comes up and they disagree.

And let's face it, a LOT of guys will tell their partner they want monogamy but then they fuck around anyway. They enjoy it, it's transgressive and exciting and they get off on the betrayal. Conversely, there are SOME men who find a thrill in GETTING fucked around on. They love the guilting and the shaming and the policing of their partner once the cheating has taken place. I think these kinds of men are in the minority though.

I think most people enter into relationships with the best of intentions later to find that their sexual needs and desires are not being met by just ONE person. It's at that point one has to be man enough, honest enough and honorable enough to tell the partner, even if it means ending the relationship. Cheating is the cowards way out.

The way you got him is the way you will lose him.

true as once a whOre always a whOre

I don't care if my s/o fucks someone else, he just better pick a hot guy and bring him home so I can have that new ass too.

Absofuckinglutely. It's fine if you're in a polygamous relationship. Until he brings home an STD. If you're supposedly in a monogamous relationship and he cheats? He'll never be faithful.

Are DLers every getting out of the 1950s???!!!

R14 yup never been born in he 80's lol

There are people who cheat once and feel guilty and never do it again. Cheating in the past does make it more likely a person will cheat again. Some people have less self control and a greater capacity to rationalize bad behavior.

[R16] you hold onto that. If you were the cheater and have sworn off ever doing it again, good for you. If you were the cheated on and want to believe what you said, so be it.

Lets say you're with someone who treats you badly and who constantly lie and cheat, you break up time and time again.. but still decide to take the cheater back. Why? I really don't get people like this. Why would you go back to someone who cheats on you? How are you able to accept that? Is it just that some people are so in love and too far gone, they just can't walk away?

I will speak only about myself. As a young gayling, I wasn't very respectful of other peoples' relationships, and screwed around with plenty of 'straight' men who had wives or girlfriends, and gay guys who were supposed to be in monogamous relationships. I fell in love with one gay guy who was already in a relationship, and had my heart broken when he dumped me because things were getting too intense. Didn't learn the lesson at the time. Years later, I fell in love again, and this time, the monogamous (but volatile) relationship lasted a good 8 years before we broke up. It didn't take him very long to enter a rebound relationship, then a second one. I was still in love with him, and the hurt I felt (even though we had officially separated) was the worst pain I experienced until losing my parents many years later. So I will say that I didn't really develop a sense of sexual morality until I had experienced what a real commitment felt like. I'm not the same man I was at 20. If I were in a relationship now, there would be no cheating. And my ex-partner is still my best friend: I loved him enough that I even gave him advice when he was having trouble in his other relationships. Now, we're both single, and love each other, but we agree we're better off as friends at this point in our lives.

I can only speak for myself but I was married to my ex for 23 years. I think there may have been about 6 months out of all that time that he didn't cheat. I only stayed with him because I knew I couldn't afford to raise my kids. He gave me cervical cancer (they hadn't discovered at the time that it could be sexually transmitted) and by the time my youngest was in 11th grade I was terrified of getting Aids from him so I asked him to leave. He built stores like Lane Bryant, Limited Express etc. all over the country and in every city he went to he had a new girlfriend or two..I knew a lot of his friends and I knew what they were doing too so I would say for the most part that yes, once a cheater always a cheater.

Thanks for your reply, R19. I just don't get it.. like ok.. some people cheat, but why go back to that person. You know you'll just end up getting hurt again.

r20, I'm sorry that you've been through that, really.

r21, Thanks. In my case, as far as I know, my relationship with my ex was monogamous, and his other relationships came after we were split. If he had been unfaithful during the relationship, I'd have a hard time with that, and don't think I could continue the relationship. I don't think I'd get past the trust issue if someone had lied to me in that way.

People either put effort into being monogamous or they don’t. So I would say yes, OP.

Amen to R7. Anyone tell you differently is lying or naïve. The non-cheater just hasn’t met the right person/circumstances.

Actually r17 I have a brother who was cheating on his wife and didn't even get caught but confessed because the deception eventually ate away at him and caused him some severe health problems. Once the health problems started he confessed, it was causing him too much stress and he had plenty of stress already as someone running a company.

Contrast that to my father who cheated, I wouldn't say all the time, but he was a cheater. Motherfucker never lost any sleep over it.

Some men just don't give a fuck. Some men have a moral compass.

"And let's face it, a LOT of guys will tell their partner they want monogamy but then they fuck around anyway."

Well face it, the human ideal is a partner who only cares about our happiness, and who will forgive us anything, including cheating!

Of course such people don't exist, the closest human beings come to that is passive-aggressive monsters who like nothing better than the chance to play the poor mistreated martyr. No, growing up is realizing that there's no such thing as a one-way relationship, and that if you want someone to make you happy, you have to put in the effort to make them happy in return. But there are still those who don't want to accept that, and who spend their lives trading out partners, always looking for the one who'll take any amount of shit without complaint.