I am in most desperate need of advice to resolve a conflict which has arisen between my partner and myself. After many years together, we decided to take the plunge and move in together. Of course, we have spent much time together and I thought I knew and understood him well, but now I find that things are not working out as hoped or planned.
I'm afraid that I have made a mistake which will be exceedingly difficult to repair. We have both sold our homes and purchased a lovely river-front condo together, so getting out of this situation will not be easy. I want to try and work things out, but I don't know how much time and effort I should expend. When does something become a waste of time, money and emotion? This is my question.
I realize now that perhaps the two of us were meant to be partners but maybe we just shouldn't live together. I love him, and I know he loves me, but really, I think moving in together was a mistake. I'm afraid to bring this up to him after all we both have been through, but I don't know for how much longer I can put up with the situation.
Part of the problem for me is his family. They are lovely people, but they drop-in, unannounced and uninvited on a regular basis. I work shift work, and they just drop in whenever, this past Saturday they showed up at our condo at 9:00 am and I had only finished my shift at 5. I wasn't pleased to say the least. He seems to think that it is no big deal and they mean well. I know they mean well, but I am trying to sleep at that time. He says that I can't expect the world to understand my crazy work schedule. He reminds me quite often about how he hates my career and its demands. I can not leave my job. It pays extremely well, we both have great benefits because of my job, and, I have many years invested into a fantastic pension plan. Not to mention, I love my job and couldn't imagine working in a different field.
He was also upset with me recently when I was unable to attend a family function due to my work schedule. He wanted me to take the day off to go for dinner to celebrate his aunt's birthday. I couldn't miss my shift (I am supervising a massive railway expansion project) on such short notice and he was really upset and didn't understand why I couldn't get out of work on a Sunday evening.
I am really starting to resent the situation. There is never a problem going for dinner and show or holiday for example ( I usually pay as I make more money), but then he constantly bitches in I get called in to work unexpectedly or if I have overtime. In the meantime, he quit his job before finding another, but has no problem complaining about my career.
There are other things that bother me as well that I didn't fully realize, (or better I was blind to before), he is drinking more than before, especially since he quit his job. It is really hard to come home after a long and stressful shift to find him either drinking at home or out at the bar. If he is drunk, he'll just bitch to me about how many hours I spent at work.
I'm getting stressed out over this situation. I realize now that I didn't think things through clearly before I sold my house, but I really thought that things would work out well.
Any advice?