Serious question: How do those of you of a certain age, deal with it?

As shocking as it may be for twentysomething gaylings to hear, being thought of as hot is not the only important thing in the universe when you get older. It's almost impossible to believe this when you're in your 20s, but it's true.

You keep your foot on the gas pedal and tell yourself: I'm older and I have more insurance.

Wow.

What a frail and delicate flower you must be to be so overly concerned about such an every day occurrence as aging.

Being afraid of things which may or may not happen and over which you have little or no control seems like a waste of mental energy. What most of your questions fail to recognize is that the afflictions you raise were probably already extant, but only dubiously wallpapered-over.

Underlying all of your questions is fear. Learn to manage your fear of the unknown - even regret is a fear of consequences of negative outcomes to choices. Becoming "invisible" is fear of being alone.

time to go beyond life's youthful illusion to mature into magic's truth; that your powers are just beginning.

you couldn't pay me to be "young" again. Looking back i'm far far happier and more content in my mid 40s than i ever was younger. Yeah the mirror is a little annoying at times now since there are some obvious signs of the years, but i dwell on that for 10 seconds and get on with life. Hell if that really starts to bother me i can now afford a good dr to take care of that.

I may be in my 20's, but I'm not stupid. Platitudes are not helpful, obviously fear of invisibility is fear of loneliness, duh! How does one deal with these though? How does an 80 year old go to sleep every night knowing he may not wake? Face each day with all or most friends and family dead? How do you face declining health, loss of looks? You can't tell me these things no longer matter when you get older because I see older people try to maintain their looks. Not every older person has money either, so there's that.

R6=OP, by the way.

I turned 60 on my last birthday.

I used to think that was O-L-D .. now not so much, now that I am here and living it.

I recently saw a recent list of famous and historical who died before age 60 ... now THAT made me feel old, but not actually being 60.

Death happens to us all. I've seen far to much of it in my life. But, it's had the odd effect of to appreciate my life while i have it and not focus on what is inevitable. I have no idea if i have on day left or another 40 years so i don't waste my time worrying about the unknown. Focus on what you have control over.

The first step in wisdom, OP, perhaps, is recognizing what's a platitude and what's hard-won wisdom.

OP, how do you deal with the fear of death when you get in your car or open a can of soup now?

My early 40s were the worst for me in terms of accepting getting "old." I was looking into facelifts and Botox. Somewhere in my mid-to-late 40s, I ceased to care. The passage of time often has a way of helping you to cope.

I thank my lucky stars that unlike most of my friends I actually lived to see 65. AIDS took lots of young men who would gladly celebrate another year.

I deal with it by looking around and seeing what I love about my friends. I don't give a shit that they're getting older too. I'm relieved that that one stopped drinking, the other one found work she loves, most of us have reconciled with family and are content. I read great books, I pay less attention to other time-obsessed things such as trends and young performers and spend more time and money on people my age: their books, performances, services, etc. I upped the workout because it is dispiriting to see flab around the middle. I guess get rid of excuses and you'll be fine. Find things you love that benefit from years of investment. And another thing is realize how much of the attention you got was because you were young. Attention you get now (for work, your self) is likely to be based on real merit.

My dad is 94 and my mom is almost 90. I just finished taking my turn staying with them. My sisters take turns also. I don't want to live that long,

We're all dealing with impending death. You can go any time. Just this past week we've had people die in a mass-shooting, a building explosion in Brooklyn, and flooding in South Carolina. None of those people got out of bed that morning thinking it would be their last day on Earth.

But to your point, I'm 58, somehow still HIV-, and I often think about how many 'good' years I may have left. As someone who lived through the plague, I am grateful for every day. I try to be thankful for what I have, and not focus on what I lack. I don't have regrets. Not to say I couldn't have done some things differently, but you can't change the past, so I don't dwell on it.

I have put my assets into a living trust, and written a will (my partner and I aren't married). Surprisingly, this has given me great peace of mind.

I hate my job, but I am sticking with it until I have enough money to retire (hopefully another 7-8 years). I have a terrific financial advisor who encourages me to put more into my 401 (k) and keeps me from foolishly spending my retirement funds.

I try to make the most of every day. That's not to say that I bound out of bed, full of energy. Quite the contrary. I love weekend mornings when my partner goes to the gym and I go back to bed with the newspaper, a pot of coffee, and classical music on the stereo. I tried the gym and yoga, and I loathed both, so I am resolved not to let the extra 10 pounds bother me. If I feel like seeing a play or movie on a bright sunny day, I'll do it. Focus on doing what gives you pleasure. Just because something is the 'latest and greatest' doesn't mean you have to see it, eat it, wear it, or do it if you don't want to.

I make an effort to eat healthy, but a piece of cheesecake or a hamburger every once in awhile isn't going to kill me. I have a drink maybe 2-3 times a week and we'll have wine at dinner when we feel like it (maybe 3-4 nights out of the week).

We take at least one 2-week vacation a year, out of the county, to someplace we've never been. I like planning the trip months in advance. Believe it or not, studies have shown that the planning process can give you as much pleasure as the trip itself.

My partner and I have sex regularly. With each other.

I vow not to let negativity affect my life, but my weakness is watching MSNBC, and then I get riled up. So I turn it off and pick up a book.

Oh, and get your face out of your iPhone, your tablet, and your computer.

There's always an excuse NOT to do something. But as Monte Beragon said to Mildred Pierce: "As you grow older, you'll find that the only things you regret are the things you didn't do."

[quote]—SPONSERED BY A NON-HOMOSEXUAL

SPELT BY ONE, TWO.

[quote] If I feel like seeing a play or movie on a bright sunny day, I'll do it.

A friend of mine was incapable of doing this: "It's too nice out to sit in a dark movie theatre," he'd say, channeling his mother (as it turned out). I had never heard of such a thing. I used to go to the movies first show every Friday.

You deal with it simply by accepting it and adjusting to it, OP. It may seem hard to fathom, but getting older can bring many benefits. The old English queen and jazz musician George Melly once said, I paraphrase, that in his youth his need for sex was so all-consuming that he felt like he was strapped to an out of control horse, and as he aged he was glad to find that he could get off that horse. So decline in libido can be something that brings calm. Also, as you age you naturally find you want not to waste time repeating unpleasant or negative experiences. So you try hard to avoid bullshit, unnecessary drama, and certain types of shallow, aggressive people. That too makes life calmer and more satisfying. You also learn how to use your time well, and to filter out the fads of the moment and all type that nonsense.

[quote]I may be in my 20's, but I'm not stupid. Platitudes are not helpful, obviously fear of invisibility is fear of loneliness, duh! How does one deal with these though? How does an 80 year old go to sleep every night knowing he may not wake? Face each day with all or most friends and family dead? How do you face declining health, loss of looks? You can't tell me these things no longer matter when you get older because I see older people try to maintain their looks.

And that, is why you will always be plagued with fears and be the delicate little flower that you are.

Truth is not a platitude.

How does an 80 year old go to bed every night knowing he might not wake? He does so by not fearing the unknown and fearing death. He does so by knowing he lived a fulfilling life and reconciling himself to whatever regrets he may have.

Older people trying to maintain their looks: People who have defined their entire life by their looks will fight to the end. It's not "giving up" - you still try to maintain your looks - you merely accept that you won't look like you did when you were younger and no amount of fighting will make you look like that.

Ultimately, how does one deal? One learns life skills and coping mechanisms. One takes a pragmatic and realistic view of life and stops torturing oneself with things that cannot be changed.

You sound like someone whose never really had to deal with life's little problems and have not developed coping mechanisms for disappointments or modified unrealistic expectations.

Sack up, grow a pair, and learn to be an adult.

THAT WAS THE JOKE, R17

Well said r20. Life is all about learning to deal with what is thrown your way.

R16, honey Monte Beragon is NO role model, whatever your age may be!

You deal with age like you deal with an itch. Scratch it, forget about it and get on with your life.

And that, is why you will always be plagued with fears and be the delicate little flower that you are.

Yes, I'll always be the way I am in my twenties, that makes perfect sense.

You sound like someone whose never really had to deal with life's little problems and have not developed coping mechanisms for disappointments or modified unrealistic expectations.

Actually, quite the opposite. Life has been very hard, very early on, so it's hard to imagine dealing with even more bs as I get old. Pardon the fuck out of me for asking.

R10, the only difference between platitudes and hard-won wisdom is who's saying them.

OP what "milestone" birthday are you facing? 25? 30? *chuckling* So precious...

I hope you appreciate today. Build on that.

"I drinks a bit." - Mr. 'Mo Jangles

OP, you're tiresome. When you get real problems, you'll stop worrying about being old. As time goes on, enough happens that most people are too preoccupied with living to worry about dying. If such shallow concerns are all you have, count yourself lucky. It sounds to me that you're a sheltered, vapid twat, but, maybe I've been made bitter by the trials of life. Growing up a bit will do wonders for you.

It seems to me that this is a specifically gay fear, and it's connected with having a life that's selfish, lived only for yourself, and meaningless outside of sex. Straight people usually have someone else to live for by their thirties: their partner and their children. They're too busy to think about this kind of problem, and they derive life satisfaction from real yardsticks in their children's lives.

If your sex drive is declining anyway OP, have you considered trying women out?

R29 -- you are nutty

It's meant to be satirical R30. Well, mostly.

R29 is a homophobic twat. Plenty of gay people have families / kids these days, and plenty have rich and rewarding lives involving volunteering, continuing education , travel, and so on.

I'm 67 and still get asked, "Which college do you go to?"

I think it's the totes adorbs Plexiglas walker! Holla!!!!!!

Damn, I never thought Zachary Scott was very handsome, but In profile in R16's still, he looks like a cross between Clark Gable and Jimmy Stewart.

With a touch of Sean Connery!

Picture it...

R29 is a frau living her dreams through her kids. Poor kids.

I love R16's post.

You move to Palm Springs.

Hugs R38

R16 Thank you so much for that wisdom and inspiration!

I've often observed that people who can't deal with age (setting aside very real physical issues with aging) are those who have romanticized their youths and/or have regrets.

Also, they tend to have nothing to look forward to, so looking backward is the only real source of pleasure.

Fear and uncertainty of the future makes aging difficult.

The best way with dealing with age is to see something in your future to which you're going. Don't forget about your past, but don't idealize it either.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns.

I will hear you in the sound of the waves.

I will know you when I come, as we all must come,

Through the door beyond the grave.

All alone I came into this world.

All alone I will one day die.

Solid stone is just sand and water, baby.

Sand and water, and a million years gone by.

You adapt and adjust, and hopefully you have curated your chosen family well, they will play a large role in your happiness. My advice is all of the cliche'd and seemingly empty advice you got from adults growing up is all basically true. You can spend time on wellness now, or you will spend it on illness later - watch what you eat, exercise, get your physical, take your vitamins, have any health problem checked out completely.....never say never, don't overstay your welcome, etc. Fear does creep in, especially where health is concerned. You see your friends and family get sick and die, and another cliche really rings true - you take one day at a time and enjoy what you have, because in a second, it can change, and all be taken away. That being said, you get to a point where you find peace easily, you don't suffer fools anymore, you can tell people the truth, and you don't feel like you have to please everyone anymore. Hopefully as well as being surrounded by old friends, you've saved some money too.

The definition of happiness is wanting what you have, right? Figuring that out is life's uncharted journey.

The Buddha says all human suffering derives from "attachment".... I used to think that meant learning how to be cold, indifferent. As I've aged it seems more to clear out all of the distractions that prevent me from seeing the present moment, what is... I am 69. No point in comparing my current self to younger versions.... but I am content. I was not content earlier in life.

Thank You, whoever bumped this thread.

When I was young and 2hot2B Believed, my wise mother told me, "Enjoy your young years and then accept getting older when the time comes."

One day in my mid-30s, I walked into a bar and "when the time comes" happened. All eyes turned towards me, I got a quick-once-over, and then those eyes turned away to resume looking at the younger, hotter things already there.

A jolting experience, bittersweet melancholy and then I recalled my Mom's words. I was fine. Seriously. My time had come. My Mom had prepared me.

Now, I enjoy life. I'm in my late 50s, and, assuming mental and physical capacity, I'd like a two or three more decades.

The biggest decision I've got to make up my mind about is whether to accept that extra 5 to 10 lbs, or do something about it.

And with the problems, the REAL, tragic ,significant problems that people are dealing with now, if that's all I have to decide an worry about, I've got it good.

Pot helps.

Some people are accepting by nature. Some fight 24/7.

Here is my zen answer: My nature is to accept and receive and be passive. There are drawbacks to this, but there are many benefits to being this way, too. When you are open, you will receive. When you stop struggling, you will be calm.

The more proactive people here will be able to talk about their end of the spectrum. My way of “dealing” with aging is to accept it and not struggle.

Your overuse of commas will not prolong your youth.

Age will give you perspective OP. Once you're past the 25 year milestone, you'll be 28 or 29 and go - that was no big deal! Time and time, it's the same.

We all make a big deal of certain age milestones that, 2 to 3 years later, we go - pfft! That was nothing.

Honestly - you'll be glad to be out of your 20's once you're 32-33. Your 20s are hard.

My husband and I adopted our daughter when we were 35. As older dads, when we think of aging, we think about wanting to be there for all her adult milestones. I don't care about wrinkles and physical decline if I get to be with her at her wedding or having a baby.

R41 and R42 are bump bitches. There was no need to bump a thread like this one except so a bunch of trolls, Russian and Bellagian, could make karma for their sockpuppets.