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Why are you an exclusive bottom?

So, I've asked this question of exclusive bottom friends / fbs, but I'm curious to hear from others: If you're an exclusive bottom, can you tell us.. why? I'm vers - I top about 70% of the time, but I love bottoming, too, so I totally understand why bottoming is amazing. But, so is topping. I mean feeling a tight, well defined ass clamp down your cock? That's a pretty joyous experience.

I can understand the guys who are 100% tops - for some penetrative sex in their butts is painful, uncomfortable or unstimulating. For others, they're dealing with internalized homophobia that says they're more "masc" if they only top.

But I don't quite understand why 100% exclusive bottoms don't like topping. Is it too stimulating? I mean, you're putting your dick in something warm and tight. What about that doesn't do it for you? Did you try topping and discover it wasn't for you or are you - gasp - a gold star bottom? If you don't like topping, do you still like rimming a guy?

Come on, bottoms, spill it.

by Anonymousreply 8506/27/2020

Because the feeling of a big thick cock pushing into you is the closest thing to heaven you will ever find on earth. I got fucked and bred by an 11x7" cock today and I'm still glowing.

by Anonymousreply 109/14/2015

Right, R1. I get that. I'm vers and I enjoy bottoming, too. My question was for those who are exclusive bottoms and NEVER top. I'm wondering why not - do they not like topping or is it something else?

by Anonymousreply 209/14/2015

exclusive bottom here. it's psychological.

by Anonymousreply 309/14/2015

Less pressure to get it up, especially as one gets older.

by Anonymousreply 409/14/2015

[quote]exclusive bottom here. it's psychological.

R3 - If you feel comfortable, would love to hear you expand up on that.

R4 - I hadn't even considered that. Thankfully, it's not something I have to worry about... yet.

by Anonymousreply 509/14/2015

Some guys have a small penis, and realize, no one wants to get fucked by them. So they bottom exclusively.

by Anonymousreply 609/15/2015

Dear Lord in Heaven!

by Anonymousreply 709/15/2015


It doesn't cause me problems to pee or have erections, but things could turn problematic if I penetrated, Because of this nature decided I should be a bottom. Besides, 99% of my dreams and fantasies since I woke sexually have been and are about me being a bottom.

by Anonymousreply 809/15/2015

My dick is average sized but every guy I've topped screams out in pain like I'm Jeff Stryker. Even when I lie on my back and let him lower himself onto me (my preferred position when first trying to accommodate a huge dick up my ass), they never seem to get completely comfortable, no matter how slow we go and how much lube we use. So I worry that he's not enjoying it and my dick wilts.

Yeah, a tight ass feels great, but so does a warm mouth.

by Anonymousreply 909/15/2015

r/5 without sounding too victimy, I had one of those alpha male douchebag fathers who thought it would make me a man to berate me and call me a faggot and all of that when i was a kid. Then lovers (one in particular) in my early sexual development made me feel less than masculine, less than capable, less than...whatever. I tried many times to top after that and it was usually a failure. Then in my mid 20s i had a long term lover who systematically and brilliantly in his evil way, finished the job on my sense of self and manhood and nearly killed me. So now, even the thought of trying to top makes my dick go limp. I've got a very decent sized cock and it gets rock hard, but I wilt at the thought of topping or even getting a blowjob. Open my mouth, open my ass and I'm good to go. I dont think I've even tried to top in 15 years. Cant get my head around it.

Fucked up, party of 1.

by Anonymousreply 1009/16/2015

I'm lazy tbh. There's less pressure I feel, like unless you didn't clean properly or shit on them or something your partner is pretty much guaranteed to get off. Where as topping is more difficult (if you're considerate that is obviously many aren't). Also I'm young and small with a big ass so it's just expected of me tbh. I could find people to top if I wanted but like I said, I'm lazy.

by Anonymousreply 1109/16/2015

Oh and also topping is too similar to jerking off for me, like I could do that on my own whenever I feel like (well could probably get sex too whenever but whatev; its more effort I'm saying). It's more difficult to replicate the sensation of being fucked well on your own.

by Anonymousreply 1209/16/2015

There are other enjoyable things about being a bottom apart from getting your prostate stimulated. Usually, tops tend to be the "attackers". They tend to initiate things. I like that foreplay where the top kind of comes to you and starts bringing down your defenses until you succumb to his desire (having sex).

I also love tops' obsession with butts and how crazy they go about them. It is like they could cross the ocean swimming for one. I find many aspects of being a top very attractive from my bottom-ish perspective :P

by Anonymousreply 1309/17/2015


by Anonymousreply 1407/09/2016

[quote]exclusive bottom here. it's psychological.

I agree with R3. Bottoming is a state of mind. I'm not interested in getting topped by somebody who also bottoms. I exist to satisfy the manly urges of a virile stud. Because I am the receptacle of his rough, untamed sexual energy, he also rewards me with masculine tenderness and affection.

If you're not a fellow exclusive bottom into exclusive tops only, I don't know that I can fully explain it to you.

by Anonymousreply 1505/19/2020

I agree with R3 and R15. It's also interesting how indistinguishable both posts are from what submissive-leaning straight women say. I know in straightland there seems to be an imbalance - often hear (straight) men complaining that too many women want to be dominated, and there's famously far more sub men in BDSM circles and truly dom men. Is it the same in gaysville? Imbalance in numbers between those who want to fuck and those who want to get fucked?

by Anonymousreply 1605/19/2020

[bold] B e c a u s e

t h e y

w a n t

t o

b e

w o m e n

by Anonymousreply 1705/19/2020

R17 I don't think that is fair. Do women really take it up the ass? I don't think they do and I don't want to picture it. I don't want to be a girl.

There is something incredibly male-bonding and unique to gay relationships about bottoming. I need to think about how better to put this into words.

by Anonymousreply 1805/19/2020

I don't think it's about wanting to be a woman. It's about wanting to please. This urge exists in both sexes.

by Anonymousreply 1905/19/2020

I trust my douching abolities and my hole more than other guys. I do not like shit on my dick.

by Anonymousreply 2005/19/2020

[quote]I trust my douching abolities

See this is how I know I don't want to be a girl. Never have I ever douched or bleached or waxed. My ass is an ass for a man who wants to fuck a man.

by Anonymousreply 2105/19/2020

R21 douching is VERY different than waxing, etc. Poop on a dick is different than body hair FFS

by Anonymousreply 2205/19/2020

I like that feeling of communicating to him that I'm completely giving myself to him as our eyes lock, and he slides in. And then he slides in some more and some more until he's all the way in me and the girth and reach of his penis scratches that itch that sends a shiver through my entire body! I like the fact that when he moans on that down-stroke that I'm the one making him moan. I like the fact that our bodies are so perfectly matched as he leans his head beside mine and I stick my tongue in his ear while he's inside of me and it again makes him moan harder and makes his toes curl. And those hands. Those big, beautiful hands, that after his beautiful blue-gray eyes that turn green when he wears green, are my favorite part of his body. Because, as I'm lying on my back, those beautiful strong hands caress my body and speak to my soul through his fingertips. GOD I love his hands! And that climax! That climax brought on by our bodies and everything else being in sync as those long completely satisfied groans escape into the room letting me know that this part of myself, that I've given to the man I completely love, has brought him such joy. He stays inside me not wanting to end our oneness as he strokes my face with those beautiful hands and kisses me before he rests his head on my chest. He is completely mine and I am completely his. That's why I am an exclusive bottom.

by Anonymousreply 2305/19/2020

I have no desire to be a woman, but I do have a desire to be fucked by a hot man with a large penis and filled with his sauce. I can top, and sporadically will, but never with someone who is fucking me (total tops only, please). It's pure psyche, and I've no clue why.

by Anonymousreply 2405/19/2020

I'm an exclusive bottom and have a very large and thick dick. I have no problem getting it hard, as a matter of fact I get pretty hard while being topped. I've topped guys a lot in the past. Never had any pleasure with it, so I don't do it anymore.

it's that simple.

by Anonymousreply 2505/19/2020

Great post, R23.

by Anonymousreply 2605/19/2020

Because I top my wife enough! Taking a BBC is my selfish time!

by Anonymousreply 2705/19/2020

I don't want to be a woman and I'm actually the dominant one. I don't care that my top is exclusively a top, but he has to be masculine like I am. I love to eat ass too. I find these fantasies of dom and sub very cringe worthy and childish to be honest.

by Anonymousreply 2805/19/2020

“I don’t want to be a woman”

by Anonymousreply 2905/19/2020

If I wanted to be a woman I'd dress, talk and behave like one, you know, like half of DL does. I find women annoying and most of my friends are men. So no, I don't want to be a woman nor I fantasize about being one when having sex. Calling me a bitch etc, is a turn off too. I want to be treated like a man having sex with another.

by Anonymousreply 3005/19/2020

R29 Yeah, you're so much more manly than us because you topped that one time 17 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 3105/19/2020

R30 A real man uses his dick once in a while pussy bitch!

by Anonymousreply 3205/19/2020

Look at all the catty femme queens revolting. So cute, now say Yes, Bitch, Gurll and whatever expression you copy from women to be part of your clowning.

by Anonymousreply 3305/19/2020

When I present my hole the theme song to Different Strokes starts playing! It’s like a music box!

by Anonymousreply 3405/19/2020

I'm an exclusive bottom and it's #NotAChoice

by Anonymousreply 3505/19/2020

cuz my pussy deserves cock

by Anonymousreply 3605/19/2020

R23, that's a good post, but it sounds like he's the only one having an orgasm. When do you have your orgasm? The next morning, when you're alone in the shower, replaying the moment in your mind?

by Anonymousreply 3705/19/2020

Does an "exclusive bottom" take only the BEST baby batter, the way Ina Garten only uses the BEST olive oil?

by Anonymousreply 3805/19/2020

Because Gayle owns the strap on!

by Anonymousreply 3905/19/2020

[quote] My dick is average sized but every guy I've topped screams out in pain like I'm Jeff Stryker.

This has been my experience too. I was so worried about hurting them that I had trouble staying hard.

Luckily my current partner is 100% top so I never have to worry about it any more.

by Anonymousreply 4005/19/2020

I used to be a top but I was bad at it and I got bored

by Anonymousreply 4105/19/2020

[R37] With the right man, he's doing everything just right so that our mutual orgasms are never an issue. I am alpha male in every other regard in my life. But I have no problem submitting to this man and letting him take as I give. being the same.

And for those who know guys who also been with girls, it's not even close to being the same. I'm a long, long way from being a woman. And I'm an exclusive bottom because I love letting him have control of US.

by Anonymousreply 4205/19/2020

I used to be versatile. I was more aggressive in bed and it seemed like most guys responded to me by wanting to bottom. It started that way in my current relationship as well but after a few years we switched and I became the bottom. It’s more about the dynamic with an individual and what turns you on psychologically than the physical pleasure of either role.

by Anonymousreply 4305/19/2020

NEVER tell bottoms to “spill it,” dumbass OP.

by Anonymousreply 4405/19/2020

Can't say why, I am 100% bottom, just the way it is with no reason

by Anonymousreply 4505/19/2020

R45, where are you? Would love to take you out on a date.

by Anonymousreply 4605/20/2020

R1 is really asking for it.

I ABHOR when an OP takes the time to be very specific about a question, having the foresight to preempt any idiot from misinterpreting the question by being as CRYSTAL CLEAR as possible, and then a poster like the IDIOT at r1 will ANSWER A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!


by Anonymousreply 4705/20/2020

Being a bottom involves planning and prepwork unless you don't care about the potentially unpleasant aspects of anal sex, but being a top requires control and skill, which few are born with. Also, some men just don't have the equipment to be a satisfying top.

by Anonymousreply 4805/20/2020

[quote]Being a bottom involves planning and prepwork

And PrEPwork too!

by Anonymousreply 4905/20/2020

I don't do that either, R49.

by Anonymousreply 5005/20/2020

Does anyone know what is the ratio of bottoms to tops in the gay world?

by Anonymousreply 5105/23/2020

R51 10 to 1

by Anonymousreply 5205/23/2020

80% bottom.

by Anonymousreply 5305/23/2020

Do you think bottoms are more manipulative than tops?

by Anonymousreply 5405/23/2020

Depends on the relationship. I've been vers, top and bottom with different guys. It's a chemistry thing for me.

by Anonymousreply 5505/23/2020

R18 we do but to me it’s painful so I do not prefer it. There are female friends of mine who don’t find it painful and get very turned on by anal. Most hetero men want to try every orifice in my experience.

by Anonymousreply 5605/23/2020

[quote]Most hetero men want to try every orifice in my experience.

R56 is correct. I think all men want to at least experiment with other men. If they're with me (a woman), I realize they can't be gay BUT when they want anal, I know they would love to experiment with a man. I have no problem with it; I just wish men would be honest about their wanting to be with another man. Another big giveaway? When they want to be rimmed.

by Anonymousreply 5705/23/2020

I’ll have what R23’s having.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 5805/23/2020

Really, R57. In the movie Shelter, a dudebro discovers his formerly straight bff is now involved with his his gay brother. He says, "I hear they give better head than girls. And they swallow!"

From what my young gal pals tell me, anal is the new oral. Salad tossing is the cherry on top. But the big giveaway is when they want to be pegged.

by Anonymousreply 5905/23/2020

We swallow R99

by Anonymousreply 6005/23/2020

OP, do you think that, for some guys at least, the answer is in your question? You said “ For others, they're dealing with internalized homophobia that says they're more "masc" if they only top“. Aren't there also guys whose internalized homophobia tells them they’re not ‘real’ men, that like a ‘lady’ they should have their legs in the air and offer hole to cock, and that ideally they want a man who identifies as straight to fuck them, not another gay guy who, like them, isn’t a real man? Personally, I find that all a bit fucked up. Bottom-only if that’s where your pleasure lies, but not because you’ve been fed nonsense from an early age.

by Anonymousreply 6105/23/2020

Are you a woman, R60? If so, you must be the belle of the ball.

by Anonymousreply 6205/23/2020

I could never stay hard and the thought of putting my cock in a place that holds shit big turn off (I know). I've top maybe 3 times. The most successful attempt was when a guy bullied me into topping him (it was the morning after - drunk dick that night, and I was hard enough in the morning to get it in but faked cumming (I know).

by Anonymousreply 6305/23/2020

Back to the question at hand - I prefer to be submissive and like an Alpha top. All of my experiences to late have been giving head to "straight" guys. Albeit before the virus.

by Anonymousreply 6405/23/2020

Tops, you the how great if feels when you get a nice blow job?

That’s what I feel when I get fucked

by Anonymousreply 6505/23/2020

I love exclusive bottoms and avoid the rare 'versatile' like the plague.

by Anonymousreply 6605/24/2020

OP as an exclusive bottom, and i am, I will never tell you. That is the truth to being a exclusive bottom. I know what I do for a top. Its a god given talent. It’s not done out of being lazy. It’s just as much work for me as it is for you and you know it. That’s why you posted.

by Anonymousreply 6705/24/2020

I'm a total top and I love total (or "exclusive") bottoms. They're all I look for. This notion that everyone "must" be versatile is ridiculous. To each his own in my opinion.

by Anonymousreply 6805/24/2020

Well, if 80-90% of gay men are bottoms, where do you find enough tops to service them?

(Been out of the dating scene a long time.)

by Anonymousreply 6905/24/2020

R69 They don’t that’s why a lot of bottom queens are so hateful and bitter.

by Anonymousreply 7005/24/2020

So what happens when two exclusive bottoms meet and really click - physical attraction, shared interests, right age, both free to have a r'ship?

by Anonymousreply 7106/13/2020

Ask Pete Buttegieg

by Anonymousreply 7206/13/2020

Because I fell in love with a top. Thank God i like the pole.

by Anonymousreply 7306/13/2020

R71 I don't know. It's NEVER happened to me. I must give off bottom vibes. I don't advertise that I'm a bottom. People just know.

by Anonymousreply 7406/21/2020

Tiny dick = automatic bottom

by Anonymousreply 7506/21/2020

So....bottoms have to take what they can get, and tops have a huge range of choices.

Also - if bottoming feels so great that 80-90% of gay men choose it, why don't more straight men know this?

by Anonymousreply 7606/22/2020

No shade, but I've never been able to understand guys who are exclusive anything - we have a dick and an ass, and have the ability to use both for pleasure, it never makes sense to me that some guys completely rule out one of the options. I can completely understand having a preference - I have an overwhelming preference for topping, and I can go without bottoming for ages without really missing it, but I wouldn't like to think I'd never do it.

I've heard from some 100% bottoms that while they can top, they just don't get any kind of stimulation from it which I don't really understand if they wank themselves off and get stimulation from that, so I can only assume it's an entirely mental rather than physical thing.

I think a good portion of 100% tops have just never been fucked properly, have internalised hang ups about bottoming, or just can't be bothered to learn how to bottom. I suspect a very tiny minority actually have a legitimate physical constraint that makes bottoming impossibly painful. I also strongly stand by my view that to be a truly talented top, you must at least know how to bottom, even if it's not something you do regularly. I just don't believe that a top who has never bottomed really knows how to make the most out of the experience as far as the bottom is concerned.

by Anonymousreply 7706/22/2020

because I'm a bitch

by Anonymousreply 7806/22/2020

R61 I agree it’s a bit messed up and that there’s some internalized homophobia going on, but the heart wants what it wants, and so does the butt. And mine wants total tops only.

by Anonymousreply 7906/22/2020

R65 this doesn't make any sense to me. I don't see how you can equate a top getting his dick sucked to a bottom getting fucked - two completely different things. A top getting his dick sucked equates to a bottom getting his dick sucked. End of story.

Just to add I'm also completely bemused by guys who think tops should only ever receive blowjobs and bottoms should only ever give them. Seems like utter madness to me, and then you're missing out on the joy of sucking a big dicked bottom's dick while you're fucking him on his back which is always fun.

by Anonymousreply 8006/22/2020

[quote]Why are you an exclusive bottom?

I'm not an exclusive bottom, silly. I just pretend to be one.

by Anonymousreply 8106/22/2020

Topping and bottoming are different to me in terms of my headspace. Some level of dom/sub role play comes into play even if it’s not overt. I’ve never been into flip fucking in one session because mentally it’s hard for me to switch quickly from one role to the other with the same person. Some relationships I’ve been the top and I am the bottom in my current relationship.

by Anonymousreply 8206/22/2020

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi stated that gay sex is about fantasizing about either being a scared, wimpy little boy, or about abusing the scared, wimpy little boy. IMO, he may have had a point.

by Anonymousreply 8306/22/2020

R83 why do you hate yourself?

by Anonymousreply 8406/27/2020

Because I'm from the most exclusive and restricted community in our part of Connecticut!

by Anonymousreply 8506/27/2020
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