Gay but attracted to women?

You are most likely bisexual, just adjust to it. I am a straight woman I don't have much advise to give you.

Bisexuality exists, OP.

You're broody OP. You're at the age where you want a family and biology says males mate with females to produce offspring. I went through this myself and it soon passed.

Go to hell, OP. I'm sick of male bisexuals.

Make an appointment with a therapist stat!

OP, go with the flow. Have sex with a chick. Not a big deal.

Thanks for your replies. I don't like the idea of being bisexual at all, among other things because I am very happy and satisfied as a gay man. Maybe R3 is right and I am broody. I really wish I were married and had a family - two of my friends have gotten married in the last five years, and they are really happy. One of my friends and his husband have adopted two children and they are, as they say, over the moon. I must admit that I am extremely envious and I wish I were in their place.

R5, I have thought about going to therapy, but then again this isn't something that makes me feel conflicted. My self-esteem or sense of well-being haven't suffered at all, and my sense of identity isn't threatened. I also don't react with revulsion - it's not like I say "OMG! What's wrong with me?!?!" or "I'm feeling attracted to a woman... Eeeewwww!!!".

It's more of a "This is happening AGAIN? Oh, just get over with it already! How annoying can I be?". It's more of an irritation than anything else. Also, maybe the feeling is magnified because I don't like it, and I am being a bit over-analytical about it. if I chose to ignore it or view it in a dispassionate manner, maybe it would disappear.

R6, I have no interest whatsoever in having sex with a woman. As in, none. As I have said before, it's a sudden burst of attraction that makes me feel uncomfortable, and then disappears. Then, I don't feel anything like it for women for several months. The silly thing is that I keep thinking that maybe I am lying to myself and I suffer from some form of internalized homophobia, but I doubt it. I was just happy and threading along before this happened. Yes, things could have been better, but they weren't exactly awful. Just OK.

Maybe I am looking for boyfriends in the wrong places, and should try to find guys who are more traditional?

How long have you been single, as in not a relationship with one guy exclusively? After a while, because of the mating thing as mentioned that is ingrained in our DNA, women don't start to seem that bad.

You spoke little about physical attraction, that is the sign of a real bisexual. If you are thinking about VAGINA a lot when you aren't around attractive women then you are likely bi.

It sounds like you want companion and partnership, and intimacy most of all. Those things are best for you if get them from a man, if you're gay.

Watch straight porn, where women are giving head to men, and where men are fucking womein in the V. See what happens. You may be transitioning to being straight. A Brit guy wrote about this, he was a journo for BBC btw. Still is.

Again, R8, thanks for your reply. I have been single for over three years, and it sucks. I've been a serial monogamist most of my life, and I had never gone so long without having a boyfriend - I've reached the point where I would start a relationship with almost any guy, as long as I could have a boyfriend. Most of the guys I'm with only want a friends with benefits sort of relationship at best, or to be fuck buddies at worst, which is obviously far removed from what I want.

So yes, I desperately want to have the traditional sort of get up: find a boyfriend, realize that we want to get married, get a house together, adopt three or four kids (I come from a large family and I was always happy)... You know, something very conventional. However, I would never want that with a woman because I don't feel any romantic attraction towards them at all. As I have said before, my relationships with women have always been at a sibling level. There has never been anything else there, and there still isn't. It would be like trying to have an affair with one of my sisters, if you know what I mean.

The attraction happens when I see certain women, and it just comes and goes. However, it isn't the sort of crazy-about-you, let's spend the rest of our lives together feeling that I get with guys. It's more of a sudden surge, like a purely physical reaction, and then it goes away. I've tried to think about sex with women, but it's off putting, mainly because psychologically and emotionally I have no interest whatsoever in it. As I have said before, it is a physical reaction that makes me asking myself "did that really happen? Why?".

Regarding the points you've raised, R9, I've watched straight porn and it leaves me "meh!". The idea of watching it was hotter than the fact itself, and I kept getting annoyed because they didn't show enough of the guys. So yes, it was arousing because of the men and the fact that they were all engaged (which doesn't always happen in gay porn), but the sight of a woman having sex left me cold. It was a "well, I'd rather be in her place than be with her" and "do they have to show her so much?" sort of thing.

However, this odd physical reaction when I see certain women is still there. As for "transitioning" into heterosexuality... I'm laughing out loud. People are bisexual. Maybe latently so, but they are not gay and then straight, or straight and then gay.

Anyway, I hope that all of this goes away soon. It's getting on my nerves already.

OP, I agree 100% with R8. I have been in two stable relationships in my life. One for 25 years with a woman and another for 20 years with a man..and still going. Sexuality for some of us is fluid. The type of relationship you desire is out there. You just have to wait for it. All guys don't cheat. There are plenty that have monogamous relationships. As an old geezer, I know many guys that have been together for eons.

OP, more than anything, you sound lonely. Maybe you are trying to fill a void by looking for easier relationships or should get laid more often.

[quote]OP, I agree 100% with [R8]. I have been in two stable relationships in my life. One for 25 years with a woman and another for 20 years with a man..and still going. Sexuality for some of us is fluid.

r11, are you saying that you are bisexual? Or are you saying that you were exclusively attracted to women but developed an attraction to men later in life?

The thing with bisexuality is its not 50/50. If you are 90% attracted to males and 10% attracted to females then you are still bisexual.

Please stop saying, "As I said before...."

R13, No labels. Men are Just horny. At 13 i was in circle jerks on the boy scout camp outs. At 16 I was banging my girl friends brother. At 17, I was banging the maid, etc etc. Then my wife every day for 25 years. on and on.

OP is a troll

r15 & r17, please go sit on a pair of traffic cones. You both have replied with no good advice. Be gone!

You bisexuals piss me off! You use people, especially women and they are not there for your disposal!!! There was a guy on DL once who said he was older and he knew A LOT of bisexuals through out his life and he said they play a A LOT of mind games on people and they are major users! I have seen the same thing and they are just trash! I have seen people get hurt by them big time!

[quote]You use people, especially women and they are not there for your disposal!!!

Yeah right. 9 times out of 10 it is the woman who the man chooses to make his life with, she is the one who gets all the benefits of the relationship outside of sex.

R18, R15, here. Maybe if he didn't use such a repetitive phrase, he wouldn't sound so annoying. So consider it good advice.

OP, just go with the flow. If you meet a woman you want to get closer with do it.

I knew I was gay ever since my puberty began. After being bullied at school for being too girly I butched myself up which also meant getting girlfriends. I forced myself to think of girls when wanking at the time although not always. But anyhoo, when I was 17 I met a girl I lost my virginity to and we dated for couple of years. It was lovely, and I can tell you making love to a woman is beautiful. Pussy just feels so great and I personally love the softer female bodies even if I'm hugely more turned on by masculine guys.

I'm now over 40 and I haven't had sex with women for 20 years but I still recognize the lust I feel for them. It's funny that there's a difference in the physical reaction I feel for women than I feel for men. With women it's a warm feeling in my tummy, with men I get hard and feel pure lust. I guess I should point out that I do fall in love with men and the love of my life was a man.

BTW, I've met straight guys who are probably lot like you, OP. You notice there's some interest but you can see it will take something special to happen for them to end up having sex with a man. In any case I don't think you should worry at all about having feelings for women. What's so bad about them? I've met loads of gay men who've had sex with girls when young. They are gay now, like I am. Technically you can say we are bi and that's probably true but the reality is most men are, straight or gay, even if just a little bit.

And R19, grow up.

Hi, R19. I'm the OP. I would never use anyone and I don't want to be unfaithful or break anyone's heart. I just want a very conventional life with a man - white picket fence, adopted kids, two cats and two dogs, etc. I have no interest in women and that's why these purely physical feelings are unpleasant rather than confusing, because I understand them but not like them at all. Regarding bisexual men, I have also had two very bad experiences with them, which is one of the reasons why I am so weary of this situation (which doesn't mean that I want to attack bisexual men, by the way - it is just my experience, which isn't representative of all people, I know).

I think that I have overreacted a little and taken these things too seriously. As R3 has said, I'm just broody and need an emotionally fulfilling relationship, because I've had some very big disappointments in the past. I will just let this go and take it as a quirk that will eventually disappear, as I'm sure that this is just a phase and nothing else.

R12, I am lonely indeed. Sex without love gets old fast and I really want to fall in love and be loved in return. R11, thanks for your insight - my situation is completely different, but I'm glad that you have had an emotionally and sexually fulfilling life as a bisexual man. As for R18, thanks for the support; I know that I have used the same phrase quite often, but I was a bit emotional or rather, displeased as I wrote the previous posts, and have not stopped to think things through.

R22, thank you so much for your insights! I really appreciate them. My experience has been very different, as I had never had any interest in women before and, to be honest, it's an unwelcome change. I had already my life pretty well planned out and I know very well what I like and want, so why these reactions? They are a nuisance and I have no use for them. But oh well, life has a funny way of inconveniencing you when you least expect it. As you have said, something very unusual would need to happen for me to feel anything for a woman or want to have sex with one, so I'm OK. The only downside is that I always had a really friendly relationship with most women, and that does change when these reactions appear, which is disappointing, because I was happy with the way things were.

Anyway, I hope I haven't offended anyone. Thanks for the advice, everyone!

[quote]The only downside is that I always had a really friendly relationship with most women, and that does change when these reactions appear, which is disappointing, because I was happy with the way things were.

Yeah well, I've had loads of straight guys as buddies and there's been some I've lusted after. Some women as well but it's never been an issue. But it is what it is. It doesn't really change thing too much. Personally I guess having had sex with women changes things a little bit since sometimes I meet women who see me as a gay teddybear and practically treat me like I was their girlfriend. It's ridiculous and I don't like the feeling at all.

But really, if you're not overcome with uncontrollable lust that keeps you boned up all the time with your female friends there's nothing to worry about. They are still your friends like they were before.

[quote]I just want a very conventional life with a man - white picket fence, adopted kids, two cats and two dogs, etc.

OP, you might see a lot of people around you with this, but many times it is short lived. People and families are not perfect and many times people put on. I grew up in a "perfect" household like this for a few years, until my grandparents became elderly. My parents were disconnected from all the years of arduous care for their parents, cheated on each other and it was never the same for them. They spent many many years being unhappy and they can never get those years back. I say all this to say, when you do find a guy who you like, don't put that enormous pressure on him or yourself. Take things one day at a time. Know things will not always be perfect.

I have been single for a long ass time myself. Women ask me out all the time, which boosts my confidence, but it is discouraging at the same time because I want men to ask me out more. I enjoy being solitary, I don't get lonely very much, which is part of my problem. I really want a man to share responsibilities with most of all. I am experiencing a huge burnout right now from having to do all things for myself, by myself, all the time.

But you sound extremely datable, I would go on a date with you :)

I wish Anna would fuck off already.

AND learn how to spell.

Oh! & maybe if "she" feels the need to do more than lurk on the DL as a tiresome frau-type person(a), then perhaps she should offer up more than bland homily or input or, as I've yet to see, something other than banal shite POV that's not relevant or welcome or ever even approaching a whisker of wit, insight, intelligence or humour.

I recently saw another poster on another thread having a cow about her. At the time I thought, "gee-that's a but OTT", and hardly thought about it. Yet, I keep seeing her posts turn up now in threads and I entirely agree with that poster's ire.

UGH!

This has been an interesting thread. Thanks, OP, and others who shared experiences of intermittent or longer-term relationships with women. Sexuality can be complex and fluid and there's far too much shame about it all.

I think it's unfortunate that people who've been burned by bisexuals think it's okay to spew hatred toward them. It makes me sick when the bi hater (R19) shows up and goes into her predictable rant.

OP, you seem like a kind and thoughtful person and I feel certain that you'll find that stable relationship you're looking for. Forgive me if this is a wrong assumption; I wonder if you're inadvertently turning people off because you're so bent on finding Mr. Right that it's hard to just relax and enjoy yourself. Broody people can sometimes scare people off because they sense the pressure. I'd encourage you to let go of those heavy expectations and have fun dating for awhile.

R24, thanks for your answer. I think that the problem stems from the fact that I don't particularly like being like this. I suppose that, as I get used to it, I will start seeing it as something entirely normal and stop being so fixated and worried about it. To be honest, I wish that things weren't like this, because I feel that it only makes matters a lot more complicated and well, I was really OK with my life before. Yes, it is a bit lonely but I am very much focused on finding a man with whom I can develop a long term relationship, and this is an unwelcome distraction. But yes, I understand what you're saying - objectively, this isn't something that should really affect my relationships with anyone, because it isn't an overriding need at all. Again, thanks for your advice.

By the way, I'm surprised that you don't enjoy the "close friends" type of relationship with women. I always thought that it was so nice to have that chummy, really good friends who talk about anything sort of relationship, precisely because there is nothing sexual about it and women are more communicative, which I enjoy because I've always been a very open and emotional sort of person. With men, on the other hand, there is always some reserve and, in some cases, lots of sexual tension - not to mention that desire to impress and share something really intense and special. With women it was genuine friendship with no expectations, and I really liked that... Oh, well, such is life.

R25, thank you again for your advice and for sharing your experiences. I know that families are not perfect (mine certainly isn't), but I did have some very happy periods as a child that more than compensate for any negativity or problems there might have been, and I always dreamed about finding the man to build a life with... But I agree with you that probably, my expectations are far too high and R27 is right, that's probably why I scare guys away, because I probably communicate that I want to get serious very soon with my demeanour and I approach dating from an impractical "well, I want to get married soon, so let's get to know each other really well NOW" perspective which is, I know, very unrealistic and utterly unhelpful. Still, I want to thank you for reminding me that there are problems everywhere, and marriage isn't a guarantee of anything. It will help to keep me grounded.

As for your comment, R25, all I can say that I am very flattered but oh! I guess I would scare you, too. All I can say is that you sound like a great guy to be around, and are very perceptive - I'm not surprised that lots of people ask you out. However, R27 is right and I am a no-nonsense, let's get this done now sort of person and dating is more like a ritual that has to be carefully and respectfully approached, not performed like some sort of mechanical operation. I think that relaxing and letting go of expectations is a very helpful piece of advice, so thanks again R27.

I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my rambling posts - I do feel a lot better thanks to your advice. I am still annoyed by this turn of events, but I also feel a lot more calm about it and I've understood that this isn't something I necessarily need to be concerned about, because it isn't something I am interested in developing. Let's just call it an event and leave it at that.

Thanks again, everyone.

Young gays all want to fuck girls now. There are even tumblr blogs about it. Gay is over.

R29 but most of them maybe none of them will actually have sex with women though. It's all for show, that's the magic of the internet buddy

Of course they will, because women dream of fucking gay men.

I've never heard of this phenomenon of young gay guys wanting to sleep with women, but I guess it's a pretty small thing and far from the mainstream gay community.

Maybe bisexuality is a lot more prevalent than we thought, and predominantly same sex-attracted men have less problems expressing it because hetero sex activity is seen as less shameful?

fuck a girl, get it out of your system

The point of the equality fight is about the right to be with any consenting adult you want, for any reason you want.

If you have attraction to a women, you can no more change it than a gay man could change his attraction for another man.

Stop being dramatic. Stop trying to label yourself (and by extension label others).

And stop bothering us with this silly, immature, angst-ridden, bouts of delicate flower turmoil.

R26, I am he who had a cow, and I remain of the opinion that this gate-crashing het slag needs to pipe down and respect that this is not a site for women who crave attention.

[quote] The point of the equality fight is about the right to be with any consenting adult you want, for any reason you want.

I agree with you on this point, R34, and the same goes for what consenting adults want to discuss. In some cases, DL is the only place where people feel safe enough to talk about such things. Nobody is forcing others to read this thread.

It's absurd to blame bisexuals for "playing mind games" with their lovers, as if non-bisexuals never toyed with someone's affections. Het men do it. Het women do it. Gay men do it. Gay women do it. Some people are just not trustworthy or fair (or maybe they just don't understand their own feelings).

We all have heard cases in which a very close friend suddenly became unavailable, with no explanation. Or a fight over nothing suddenly breaks out between lovers and the affair just ends. Bisexuals have no monopoly on twisty behavior.

That said, I don't think there are any bisexuals, despite what I've read on this thread. Bisexual men are really straights who for some reason enjoy sex with men--but all their passion and romance is limited to their feelings for women. Never for men.

Women may perhaps be more fluid in their sexuality, because they are attracted more to the personal than the physical.

But in all my born days, I never met or heard of a "bisexual" who really was one. There was always some explanation for why a straight was crossing the line--a gay man who wanted to feel more masculine, a straight woman who for complex reasons temporarily loved a woman.

I'm not saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I don't know who's right. I'm expressing an observation based on my experience. I'm posting because DataLounge is fun, not because I want to persuade anyone of anything.

[quote] By the way, I'm surprised that you don't enjoy the "close friends" type of relationship with women. I always thought that it was so nice to have that chummy, really good friends who talk about anything sort of relationship, precisely because there is nothing sexual about it and women are more communicative, which I enjoy because I've always been a very open and emotional sort of person. With men, on the other hand, there is always some reserve and, in some cases, lots of sexual tension - not to mention that desire to impress and share something really intense and special. With women it was genuine friendship with no expectations, and I really liked that... Oh, well, such is life.

Don't get me wrong, my closest female friends are good friends that I share almost all with. The best one is, still, the old girlfriend I lost my virginity to. I guess having that kind of history makes us close even if we see each other rarely these days.

I have noticed during the years that I like being around other guys more than women. I'm not the gay/girlfriend kind of a gay even if couple of girls have tried to make me into one. I do get along really well with certain straight guys and even if there's a little bit of sexual tension I just enjoy it and don't think too much about it. Many straight guys have enjoyed my company because they can be free without needing to act like strong straight dudes. Mainly probably at first because they have trouble talking about their feelings to other guys. Or who knows, we've just gotten along well. TBH I enjoy being with them much more than I do with women. I've sometimes wondered is it a sexual thing or do I just have a deep need to have bro-kind of relationships. With some guys it's both but with some there's no sexual tension at all.

[quote]Personally I guess having had sex with women changes things a little bit since sometimes I meet women who see me as a gay teddybear and practically treat me like I was their girlfriend. It's ridiculous and I don't like the feeling at all.

Uh, maybe they wouldn't see you in a non-sexual way if you were honest about your bisexuality? Seriously, r22, did you read your own post? You're clearly not homosexual. It's not an accusation or an insult, just an observation based on what you wrote. I'm not saying this because you had sex with women some years back, I'm referring solely to your expressed sexual attraction to women.

OP, you sound like a really nice guy but why are you so reluctant to accept your bisexuality? Doesn't your attraction to women greatly increase the possibility of finding a partner, which is your ultimate goal?

Its very simple, if you had sex with a female at least once in your life, you are bisexual. Just because you had sex with the opposite sex when you were younger and now you are exclusively sexual with the same sex dose not mean you are gay.Real gay people CAN NOT get remotely sexual, 0 erection for the opposite.Real Gay People have been having same sexual feelings consistently since puberty. I don't want to divert to another subject, but I just want to add something to this point quickly. This is why there is gay for pay. That industry makes gay men think straight men can have sex with men and are sexually flexible.

OP, you sound like a bisexual male.

If I may, I think a lot of gay men here who are experiencing this revelation of being attracted to women are like OP, who have not had sex or been in relationship for a while. After some time you just want to have sex just to feel close to someone, or for the hell of it. That's just being human and experiencing sexual boredom. OP could get dicked down tomorrow and all these thoughts will go flying out the window.

Sometimes you simply have a dry spell and if you're not meeting new guys, you be left with just your homegirls, How soon we forget that legions of gaylings come out as bi to soften the blow, then turn into full on homos. .Actively seeking out women and men is what bisexuals do.

To poster 26, Anna has a right to her fucking opinion, so fuck off.

R19/R40 = Kinsey 6 Troll

r39 here. r40, I respectfully disagree. Having sex with the opposite sex does not make one bisexual, that is behaviour (usually the result of societal pressure on gay men). The reason I would class r22 and op as bi is because they are sexually attracted to women, not because they (as in the case of r22) have had sex with women. Heck, I could close my eyes and imagine some hot guy to get through the act of having sex with a woman. That wouldn't make me suddenly desire women.

OP, it seems to me that you are scared to change your life and to admit to yourself that you are bi or maybe even straight. If not then I don't understans why you are so scared of these short periods of attraction to women.

Get a blog.

We have to admit we hold a double standard on this. We love to speculate on the gay fantasies of gorgeous celebs -- "surely he's had at least SOME sexual thoughts about other men?" -- but immediately blackball any gay man who admits to any sexual thoughts about women, sending him straight to the bi garbage pail.

What if a gay man has sex with women and decides it's not their thing? R40 would have you believe they're bisexual. It's so obvious this Kinsey 6 Troll (only people who identify as Kinsey 6 can self-identify as gay) has been burned by a bisexual guy and is now a confirmed bi hater.

OP, you say you have no sexual or romantic attraction to women but that you get a physical reaction to some women you see. What kind of physical reaction? Do you get an erection? What goes through your head at that time? Are you attracted to the woman's face? Breasts? Body? Butt? Do you have a sudden urge to kiss her?

What kind of women are you attracted to? What do they look like? What kinds of situations do these attractions occur?

What if a gay man has sex with women and decides it's not their thing? [R40] would have you believe they're bisexual.

R49, they are still bisexual even if they don't like the sexuality or not because they were able to have the ability to have sex with a female. 100% gay men can not get an erection for the opposite sex because they are attracted to to same sex and the remote idea of having sex with a female is usually a major turn off. This is a known fact until some freaks came a long who played the cop-out game by saying, I don't use labels. Or, another factor that bisexuals use today, everyone is basically bisexual.

[quote]100% gay men can not get an erection for the opposite sex

"100% gay"? So if you're 99 and 44/100ths percent gay, you're bi? Sorry, but I don't accept your absurd definition.

R52, people like myself have never ever had a remote sexual arousal, interest, yearn, for the opposite sex in their whole lives, from puberty to adulthood. That to me is 100% Why is that so hard to grasp? A lot of people get it and they have for years. I know a lot of gays for years who had never ever had even the remotest sexual arouse for the opposite sex. Its always been about men.Straight guys are are the same for the opposite sex, why is it different. Again bisexuals just can;t accept the fact that people are exclusivity sexually attracted to the opposite sex if your straight and the same sex if you are gay.

R53 don't be delusional. Sexuality is more complex than that and history alone proves it. Someone can be attracted to both sexes and even straight and gay people can have moments where they are turned on by the same sex for whatever reason. I think that a good percentage (not the majority though) of people are some degree of bisexuality without even knowing it. Due to societal pressure and ignorance most people don't understand the spectrum that sexuality really is, they have close minded binary views of sexuality. So they believe they are one thing when in fact they might be actually bi.

And the cut the crap whoever said women are more sexually fluid since they are attracted to personality more or whatever rubbish. They are several types of bisexuals you moron. Some of which include guys who are sometimes sexually attracted to men but romantically to women and vice versa. And the same goes for women too

[quote]Due to societal pressure and ignorance most people don't understand the spectrum that sexuality really is, they have close minded binary views of sexuality. So they believe they are one thing when in fact they might be actually bi.

r54, I don't get why you are disagreeing with r53? Aren't you both saying basically the same thing? That heterosexual and homosexual lie on polar ends of a spectrum, and that anything along that spectrum is bisexuality?

I wonder if the OP is responding to women who are ovulating? Women give off hormones when ovulating to signal to men that the time is right for baby making and OP may be unconsciously picking up on that without realizing. I wouldn't read too much into it.

R42, I completely agree. As I have said in a previous post, I feel really lonely and I wish I could have, more than a boyfriend, a husband. I am really going through a dry spell, and I wish things could turn serious with a guy really soon. I also think that the fact that I had three successive unsuccessful relationships a few years ago doesn't help - I swore I'd never be in a relationship again, and now I am desperate to get into one! Go figure. However, I am sure that you're completely right: if I could get a serious boyfriend, this would disappear because I have an intense need for intimacy.

R50, the thing that bugs me the most is that the physical reaction isn't in response to beauty at all. It has happened with random women and that's what makes it weird. It's not that "oh, this woman is gorgeous" kind of reaction. Also, it's something completely different from what happens with men: when I see a guy I like, I get that sudden rush of warmth into my chest, butterflies in my stomach and feeling of absolute desire at all levels. It's that "DAMN! You're fine and I want you" or that "God, I wish I could marry you!" sort of feeling. With women it has been more like a slight tingling sensation in my testicles/cock area. The most curious thing is that I only get it when I interact closely with them, but when I look at women, I feel the most absolute indifference imaginable.

I have tried watching heterosexual porn, but I always end up paying attention to the guys and regretting that a) they are not shown more (I didn't know that in heterosexual porn the facial expressions of men and their full bodies were shown only occasionally), and b) guys in gay porn are never as animated and involved as guys in straight porn. Anyway, the sight of vaginas or breasts leaves me cold and bored, and I tend to lose my erection.

However, the problem is that, since this makes me uncomfortable and I wish it would go away, I have become a bit fixated with it and I am obsessing about my every reaction and over-analyzing everything. It's almost as if some perverse part of my psyche were hell bent on forcing me to like women, more than anything as some sort of masochistic impulse - I don't like it because well, I am very happy as a gay man and it makes things unnecessarily complicated, not to mention that it opens things into a world and some experiences that I don't really care for, so it would seem as if some part of me were "forcing" me to evaluate everything I do as some part of punishment.

Well, it's strange and unpleasant but I guess it will go away soon enough. By now, it's pretty clear that this is not something strong or intense, and I don't ever want or need to act on it, but it's still there and my obsessiveness and stupidity are only making the unpleasantness worse. Oh well, that's what therapists are for.

Thank you anyway for taking the time to read my long-winded and angst-ridden posts, and I'd like to send a special thanks to those who have taken the time to give advice and kind answers. I sometimes bore myself to death when reading what I write, so I am grateful for your patience. :-)

[quote] I don't like it because well, I am very happy as a gay man and it makes things unnecessarily complicated, not to mention that it opens things into a world and some experiences that I don't really care for, so it would seem as if some part of me were "forcing" me to evaluate everything I do as some part of punishment.

I asked this before but no response so... OP, you sound like a really nice guy but why are you so reluctant to accept your bisexuality? Doesn't your attraction to women greatly increase the possibility of finding a partner, which is your ultimate goal?

r58, he just said the sight of vaginas and breasts leave him cold and loses erection. He ain't bisexual.

Yes, R58, but I don't want a woman. I am happy being gay. he two great loves of my life have been men. I don't find women sexually or romantically attractive and I want to continue being like this.

As I have said before, I don't hate women or have the stereotypical childish "fish?!?! eeeewwww!!!" reaction that some gay men seem to have. It's just that I was really happy and satisfied the way I was, and this is an unwelcome change. It's like those people who hit their heads and, all of a sudden, become ambidextrous and can write with both hands. However, they soon realize that it's a useless trait and it doesn't really provide any benefits, so why change? I must admit that I hate myself a little for this. As I was saying, I want, desire and need men, and this is an unwelcome change.

R59, I agree. However, why do I get some sort of penile arousal when dealing with certain women? I also kind of obsess about women's body parts, although I don't like them and they leave me indifferent and bored. I think that the real problem here is that I am unhappy in my life because I haven't had a meaningful relationship in a long time, and I am expressing my displeasure in a really unhealthy way that's leading me to punish myself by magnifying the situation beyond what it should be.

Well, it's pretty clear that I need to go to therapy, isn't it?

[quote]the thing that bugs me the most is that the physical reaction isn't in response to beauty at all. It has happened with random women and that's what makes it weird. It's not that "oh, this woman is gorgeous" kind of reaction....The most curious thing is that I only get it when I interact closely with them...

Has to be ovulation hormones then. I'm a woman and from about my early twenties I began noticing that there were days when lots of men would be checking me out, and it made absolutely no sense because often I'd just be running errands wearing old jeans and a sweatshirt, no makeup, just going about my business as a human and not trying to look sexy or get male attention. Other days I'd make something of an effort to look good (still not trying to get male attention, as I find the male gaze objectifying and creepy, but of course some days a gal just wants to look nice for herself) and no one would really seem to notice that I existed; it was perplexing and unnerving. Kind of an existential quandary: nothing I consciously do to either attract or avoid attention seems to matter nearly as much as whether my body has put its little invisible "open" or "closed" sign up in the window.

There are complex biological forces that we have minimal control over, and that's something we all have to live with (I guess). Obviously we have control over whether or not we act on our urges, though that's not even an issue for you as you'd never have sex with a woman. Your best bet may be to take the mindful meditation approach: internally acknowledge your lusty feelings without trying to suppress, argue against or engage them, then let them go.

It sounds like you're dreaming of your husband, picket fence and two adopted kids and your body is trying to fulfill that desire by finding fertile women for you to impregnate. Are there any dating services that market to gay men looking for monogamous relationships? It seems like that's a sizeable but still under served portion of the population.

I just want to join the Anna bashing. She is a bad poster.

OP, maybe therapy can help you deal with the guilt and shame you feel about what clearly amounts to a pheromone response. Like R61 suggests, your body may be picking up something in close proximity that clearly doesn't have an effect from a distance. Why beat yourself up about it? You're happy as a gay man and you're having a dry spell. Just because your body is doing something involuntary, you won't end up with a woman against your will. Geez, relax.

Your penis is trying to make you procreate. It's biology. People try to inject gay this or gay that, feelings this or feelings that, but at the end of the day we're animals with a biological imperative to breed.

The good thing is that unlike other animals, we can control it, and it will pass.

R56/R61, thank you for your insights. I must admit that I would have never thought about something like this and yes, it does make a lot of sense. You're also right about the fact that we live so much up in our heads, that we often react with shock when nature reminds us that, in reality, we're animals like any other and our responses are, many times, conditioned by biological drivers. Thank again for your comments: they have allowed me to put everything into perspective and see that I am behaving in an overwrought manner.

And I agree that there should be some dating service for gay men who want monogamous relationships, but sadly the word "commitment" seems to scare gay men as much as it appears to scare straight men. The attitude that I've found in most cases is "well, let's have sex and, if we like each other and something develops along the way, great! If not, let's stay fuck buddies or look elsewhere", and that is obviously not what I want.

R63, thank you as well for your comments. As I've mentioned in several posts, I am rather unhappy with the way some things are going in my life and I am extremely jealous of my two friends who have recently married, because I want what they have in the worst possible way but I've never been able to get it. This situation has come to compound the unhappiness that I already felt, and I've completely blown it out of proportion. Still, going to therapy would allow me to become a bit more balanced and it would allow me to approach looking for a relationship in a more mature and level-headed manner... Not to mention that it would help me to learn not to obsess about things, which is exhausting and counterproductive.

R64, you're completely right. But I think that the problem is my tendency to overthink everything and fear the worst. As I have already repeated a thousand times, I DO need to go to therapy, because I'm a bit of an overemotional person and I need to learn to deal with this.

OP, you seem like a wise and self-aware person. I hope you give yourself the gift of counseling, no so much for outside wisdom (which you seem to have in abundance) but for the support, so you can have someone clear-headed, unemotional and objective in your corner who can help you get through this rough patch. Good luck to you.

OP, I hope you don't feel like you're somehow a bad person or bad gay for having those faint feelings for women. Just ignore all the nasty motherfuckers who are trying to say the only good gay people are those that are 110% gay. Those only accepting "pure" people are mentally damaged.

Thank again for your support, R66. However, sometimes I think that I am my own worst enemy and I am obsessing a little about this, due to the fact that I feel like this shouldn't have happened. It's almost like what happens to religious people who say "if I hadn't done this, God wouldn't have punished me". Well, I do feel a little like this - I don't want these feelings and something inside my head keeps telling me that I've done something wrong, and I must redress it to stop being uncomfortable. Thank you for calling me wise, but I am most definitely not - that's why I must agree with you again and think that therapy is the best and most necessary option, because I am reaching the point in which I am starting to feel anxious about this.

R67, thanks again for your input, but I do feel like a bad person for having these feelings - as I have stated above, I feel like I must have done something seriously wrong that has led to it, and I want to change it because it has made my feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction extremely prevalent. The crazy thing is that I have never been one of those "Gold Star Gay Exclusive Club" people, and that's why I am baffled as to why this is happening.

Oh, well, I will ride it out. I am also making it appear much worse than it is in reality because it's late and I'm tired. I'm sure that tomorrow I will see things in a very different light.

OP, there's a bit of irony, here. 20th century gays felt guilty about having homosexual feelings. You're like the 21st century gay who feels guilty about having heterosexual feelings. Progress? Or maybe just 21st century problems? ;-)

Thanks again to everyone who have lent me their support and given advice. Doing some research, though, I have found two things that might explain this sudden "change": the adverse psychological effects of being lonely and emotionally unfulfilled, and sexual orientation OCD.

Well, I am sure that I am not bisexual, after all. :-)

And here's the sexual orientation OCD link. Quite interesting and very likely, what I have developed over time.

To me it sounds like OP is just talking about feeling this compulsion to check out a stranger's rack when he's walking down the street as if he doesn't understand the appeal---are we sure it's not an OCD thing?

OP, your link at R71 is interesting. It does kind of explain the level of anxiety about the unwanted feelings. Whereas another person might laugh it off, the person with SO-OCD can't dismiss it as easily.

I wanna jump on the bandwagon and point out that I have noticed this "Anna" frau, and can't stand her. She sounds like an apathetic, dumb as a bag of potatoes Slav.

OP was all over the "former gay porn stars you want back" thread, trying to convince every self-identified gay porn actor ever is bi.

[quote]OP, I hope you don't feel like you're somehow a bad person or bad gay for having those faint feelings for women. Just ignore all the nasty motherfuckers who are trying to say the only good gay people are those that are 110% gay. Those only accepting "pure" people are mentally damaged.

I thought the people on this thread have, for the most part, been very respectful towards OP. As for the whole 'pure' thing, if someone is sexually attracted to both sexes, then I would consider them bisexual. What's wrong with that, that's what the word means. Please note I am referring to attraction, not behaviour.

Hi, OP again. Thanks to all of you who have responded kindly, or with some advice.

I have had a really rough day today, and I wanted to vent just a little. I have gone out with a friend to the cinema, and I've had two very bad experiences, which are still making me feel terribly uncomfortable and in pain - in fact, I am crying as I type this. To tell a long story short, a woman has smiled at me after I opened the door to her, and my first impulse has been to kiss her. Later on, a lady asked me for directions and I've felt the compulsion to touch the front of her body.

After this, I've been in a horrible mood all day long and my friend has had to make his best efforts to lighten the situation (he thought that I was angry for some reason, which makes me feel sorry for him, as he's a great guy). I was so upset, that I've been pinching the underside of my arms most of the film and, as soon as I've arrived home, I have locked myself in the bathroom and I have started smashing my head against the wall. I utterly hate myself right now, and it's more clear than ever that I need to go to therapy, because this has begun to interfere with my social life, and with my professional life by extension: I feel so unwell, that I am thinking about calling in sick tomorrow. I just feel like shit and I wish I could die. Do you know that horrible feeling you get when something truly awful happens, like something is squeezing your insides? That's exactly how I feel.

I don't get what happens. I have tried watching porn, looking at photographs and reading stories, and my only interest is in the males. In fact, I always end up thinking about men if I want to avoid losing my erection. I only like men under most circumstances, but I get these short bursts that are really unpleasant, and I am obsessing about where they are going to come from next. After I the episode in the bathroom, I have called my mother and my brother and I have told them everything. How I feel, that I've started self-harming, that I wish I could die and that I am constantly upset and obsessively thinking about these things.

My mother was really worried and has said that we must find therapy soon, but my brother has been disappointingly nonchalant about it, has said that some people have some latent bisexuality and that well, I should just get over it and enjoy whatever might happen. That is easy for him, as he is straight and he never has had any conflicts or doubts - neither did I, until recently. I just feel really lost right now, because on one hand I think that maybe my brother is right and I am being overdramatic, and on the other hand I feel like utter and complete shit... Regarding my sisters, I will not tell them because the sole thought of doing so makes me terribly uncomfortable, I don't know why.

I don't get it. I have never been biphobic, transphobic or heterophobic, I have always had a healthy relationship with women and I NEVER, EVER had had even and inkling of desire or anything for one. I was really happy with my sexuality and I just don't understand what's going on. OK, I have had some disappointments with relationships, but so have many people. I have also had relationships that ended naturally and I'm still good friends with those exes. I had never been conflicted or unhappy as a gay person, and this is terribly painful and unpleasant. I just wish it would have never happened.

My mother jokingly said that cancer would be worse, and I was not lying when I told her that I'd rather have cancer than feel so conflicted and in pain. At least cancer is curable and, above all, it wouldn't make me feel so uncomfortable and utterly unhappy... I don't know. Maybe it's just a phase or maybe I am blowing it out of proportion, but regardless of whatever it might be, it's making me feel like hammered shit.

Sorry again for the long post, but I needed to release a bit of the anger and frustration that I am feeling. God, I just wish this would go away.

You'd rather have cancer than be slightly attracted to women? Listen to yourself.

Your problem is that you are resisting what you are feeling. You are so invested in your gay identity that being slightly attracted to women is driving you insane. Very few people are 100% gay or straight. It's OK to have these feelings.

As they say, "what you resist, persists".

Stop resisting, you're giving it more energy. Just let it go and it will lose its power over you.

Thank you, R78. I think that it's best if I go to sleep and, tomorrow, I will definitely be more rational. I just feel so unwell, though.

Maybe you are right and this conflict arises from the fact that the gay identity I've built has a very strong importance in my life... Then again, it's only normal, as I've been at my happiest as a gay man. I guess that letting go and seeing it as a quirk or eventuality, would be much healthier. However, I just can't at the moment.

God, I realize that I sound like I'm completely crazy, but this feels like a catastrophe right now.

Anyway, thank you again. I'm being completely silly, I know.

R79, do you have OCD tendencies? If so, it would be a good thing to see a professional. But if you don't have OCD tendencies, let me ask you these questions:

- What would happen if you realized that you are sometimes attracted to women? Are you afraid to lose your gay friends? The support of your family?

- When you said you wanted to kiss the woman who smiled at you, is it because you found her physically attractive?

You know, there are different levels of attraction. You say you watch porn and don't find women attractive but porn isn't real life. You can find women romantically attractive but not sexually. You can find them sexually attractive, but not romantically. You can enjoy kissing women but not much else. You can have straight sexual fantasies but are not be interested in straight sex in real life. You can be attracted to a woman's breasts but not the rest of the body and finally, you can find all woman unattractive except for one or two that do something to you. It's the same for attraction to men. Attraction isn't always simple and it can change as you get older.

Having said that, being occasionally attracted to women doesn't make you any less attracted to men.

You can be 90-95% gay and still call yourself gay. If people are honest, it's rare to be 100% anything for your entire life and how do you know your brother has never had a gay thought? ;-)

I'm starting to think OP is a female troll. Perhaps the same one who concocted a story few weeks ago of being a gay man his boyfriend had just thrown out.

I do have OCD tendencies indeed, R80.

Regarding your questions, I just fear that I will change completely and stop being me. I am not completely happy with everything in my life, as you know, but I was comfortable being me. It just feels that, if I ever accepted this as normal, I would completely change or set things in motion that I just don't want or need in any way. I guess that the fatalist in me is at its most reactive (and proactive) lately.

As for your second question, I didn't find her physically attractive at all until she smiled at me. I just thought "oh, random woman, it's polite to hold the door for a lady". Then she smiled at me and... Well, I felt the compulsion to kiss her because, at that moment, I did find her physically attractive (I don't know why, by the way, because she wasn't anything to look at).

I understand what you're saying about fantasies, degrees of attraction and true romantic and sexual desires, but it just feels so weird right now. Like I am not myself and I won't ever be again. I feel like I have betrayed myself, to put it more clearly. I also don't want to think that this attraction will get stronger, because I just don't want it to. I want to be the person I was until a couple of weeks ago. Me. That's why this feels so scary and it makes me feel so uneasy.

You're right again about things never being black or white, 100% or 0% and all-or-nothing. But I liked the idea of being as I was, and not all changes are positive or useful (especially because I had never felt like this before, and it feels so bizarre and unnatural).

Anyway, thank you very much for having the patience to put up with my bullshit. Some of you have been really great, and I thank you for it. I wouldn't have been so understanding.

As for R81, go fuck yourself, mate. Not everyone in here is a troll and some of us post our stories because it feels less threatening than doing so in places where there is a familiarity and we might be harshly judged and misunderstood. For instance, I don't dare to tell my friends what I am going through, because I fear that they will reject me and not want to have anything to do with me. I am also this upset because I am afraid that I am changing in ways that will compromise who I am, and will make me unhappy with myself.

Is that so difficult to understand?

Still not buying it. I feel sorry for spending time writing earlier in this troll thead. Go have fun with your True Gay crowd, or more likely, your creative writing club for fraus. You're not on Josh Lanyon level yet but getting there.

I assumed troll based on the subject line alone, but at this point I'm convinced this is real and OP needs to see a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy as soon as possible. Continuing to post about it here is just feeding the compulsion.

Then don't fucking buy it, R83. I don't get how you could go from being supportive a few posts above, to just being a downright mocking bastard. OK, I am a bit on the neurotic side and probably my behaviour is annoying after a few reads. As I have said before, I wouldn't have been so understanding myself. However, not everyone processes things in the same way and well, some of us have a more fragile psyche, I guess.

Still, I don't want to fight with anyone. I am too tired for that, today. Not only women are overemotional (some of us are as well when we become overwhelmed by something), and well, we just write in a chaotic way. Still, you were helpful int he past, and I want to thank you for it. I also understand why you're exasperated with me. However, please remember that I had never felt anything for a woman and I, unlike you, have never even had the slightest interest to date or have sex with one. I am also in my thirties, very much set in my ways and when you're young things are easier.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone. I guess that I've overstayed my welcome and some people are just becoming irritated with my ramblings (which I don't blame you for, because I do realize that I sound crazy). Still, I just wanted someone more objective to listen to what I had to say and not become an overemotional hen like my mother, or simply indifferent like my brother.

OK, I'll shut up.

[quote]I just fear that I will change completely and stop being me.... Like I am not myself and I won't ever be again. I feel like I have betrayed myself, to put it more clearly.

I think you've hit on the crux of it, OP. You're worried that without your gay identity, you'll cease to BE. That sounds really scary. Not only that, but you're blaming yourself for this predicament; so you're both terrified and self-blaming/punishing. How can you support yourself, right now? Is there a hotline you can call to get some clarity and maybe direct you to a professional who can help you work through this? You seem to have a loving family and friends but they can only take you so far in terms of navigating this unexpected burst of SO-OCD symptoms. Please hang in there, OP. I have hope -- because you seem like a smart, self aware guy who loves life -- that you'll get the help you need.

OP, that is really fucking hot how you can't even control your heterosexual lust! Extremely hot!

I don't quite believe you when you say you "need" to think of men to maintain an erection. I think that is part of your con, not trying to act like your emerging true sexuality. I bet you've cum dozens of times about hot girls by now but are scared to actually admit that here.

Have you read any transitioning erotic fiction?

OP is a bisexual female who has a fantasy that every gay guy she's attracted to will turn bi for her. She created this thread to Open The Way for gay men to admit that they truly like pussy, too.

This story on Nifty sounds a bit like your case, OP, with the failed relationships with men stemming from your true heterosexual lust.

Apart from this thread, OP commented extensively on a gay porn thread to "prove" that all performers there are bi, and in a third thread called, "Would you date a bisexual guy?" where "he" makes no reference whatsoever to "his" little stories here.

Can we start calling "him" the bisexual troll?

I am a feminine gay woman attracted to the same, but do find men attractive . Just no real connection romantically

R90 The Bisexual Troll seems very hostile. This poster does not seem to write the same way.

What about sexually R91?

r93, I do feel it sexually. I guess I am a kinsey 5 lol

But do you like having sex with men R94 or just sexual attraction?

You're an older model, R94! I'm Kinsey 6!

I agree with R92.

Check this out, OP.

R86, thank you very much for your understanding. I think that you've hit the jackpot - I do feel that my identity is being jeopardized, but it's completely irrational and I can't control it. I am me regardless of what might happening, and this behaviour is both obsessive and unhealthy. As I have mentioned before, these feelings are new to me and their "uncommon" nature is what makes them so scary. If I learn to accept them and see them as something that just happens, it will be OK.

It's evident that I need OCD therapy, as the link that R98 has kindly posted, clearly reflects that I do have SO-OCD - I did the test, and it's insane how many of these behaviours I have developed in such a short time. Thankfully enough, I have found an OCD specialist in my hometown.

Thanks again for your insights, R91. It's OK to be a Kinsey 5 or whatever one might be, and I guess that some of us only have to accept it. I am glad that you live it in such a natural way. Do you mind if I ask you - was it ever difficult for you to accept? How did you do it? I feel terrified, more than anything because I have gone from saying "oh, this is weird", to saying "why is this happening to me?" really quickly.

So thanks again to everyone who have posted here WITH GOOD INTENTIONS. R84 and R86, you're right about me needing therapy, and I will devote the whole day today to contacting and finding an OCD-specialized therapist. I also will go out and do everything I have to do in my life - I refuse to allow this illness to ruin my existence and isolate me. Thank you again for your support. I always thought that I was a perfectionist and that it was helpful, but I have been shocked to discover that OCD is an overriding force that can take over your life completely in a matter of days. It's evident I need help for this, and I'm going to get it.

I'd like to apologize for making such a fool out of myself yesterday. I was overemotional and acted like an idiot, so thank you everyone for your patience, even if you doubt the veracity of what I am writing. Most people in here have been extremely kind and supportive, and I want to thank you for it from the bottom of my heart. You don't know how terrifying and stressful this feels, and in spite of it all, you've been very generous and shown me lots of support, so thanks :-).

Finally, I'd like to tell the person who has posted all those links and made all those comments, that what you've done is incredibly perverse. I am not opposed to the idea of someone "transitioning" into anything - good for those who want to or like it, or need to. However, when you're self-harming, having suicidal thoughts and things are interfering with your professional and personal life, this isn't a matter of being a bisexual person with a fluid sexuality: it's a matter of illness, and you are only adding fuel to the fire.

I don't know what your intentions were and I am OK if you've got fantasies, but I am sure that there are places for you to pursue these ideas. In my case, they could do more harm than good, because this is something pernicious and obsessive, and it has nothing to do with attraction and shifts in primary sexual orientation (which are fine for those who experience them), a lot to do with fear, isolation, shame and unhealthy thinking and behavioural patterns. So, I will ask you to kindly stop having fun with this. It isn't. This isn't just a matter of "oh, I was a predominantly same-sex attracted bisexual, and now I experience a stronger attraction for women". It is something related to OCD, and if you read anything about it, it has led people to commit suicide in the past, so it isn't anything to be excited about.

Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you informed and, if there is anyone going through the same, please, seek help. This is one of the most horrible things I've gone through in my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Oh, and by the way, my failed relationships with men stem from the fact that many of them cheated. In several cases, things ended organically and we're still good friends. I would still do anything to go back to one of my exes, but he fell out of love with me and there wasn't anything I could do about it, so we broke up, but we're still close.

"Heterosexuality" has never had anything to do with my relationship issues.

I had a comparative trajectory at a similar age, however, my opposite sex attraction deepened to the point that it currently preoccupies my sexual thoughts J/O fantasies; the insuperable problem that I can’t see squaring is that I’m interested solely or overwhelmingly in the “parts” rather than the whole so it feels more a fetish (?) and one that I’m content (?) or maybe resigned to address solely in the realm of porn -- I suspect any self-respecting woman would prefer it that way. Oh well.

Are you male or female R101?

Thanks for your encouraging post, OP. I'm so glad you're planning to seek help. You're going to make it. Let us know how it goes.

Male, R102

Op, I'm just like you but reverse. Mainly heterosexual but I'm attracted to some women. My lady bits will tingle sometimes. I consider myself heteroflexible. Maybe you are flexigay.

OP is a troll, you morons. Nobody male could write so many kilometers of text of pure navel-gazing. And as said before, "he" comments [italic]only[/italic] on bisexuality threads, and else tries hijacking non-bi threads for "his" bi obsession.

Poster 62, you have a little man complex and probably have a tiny dick.

Just be yourself. As long as you're not attracted to children and under-aged teens, animals, family members or inanimate objects, you'll be fine.

Thanks for the warning, R106, but I'll take my chances. If he's a troll, maybe he got something he needed from me. If he's legit (which I believe), he received honest advice and heartfelt empathy. There's enough compassion to go around.

[quote]As for [R81], go fuck yourself, mate. Not everyone in here is a troll and some of us post our stories because it feels less threatening than doing so in places where there is a familiarity and we might be harshly judged and misunderstood. For instance, I don't dare to tell my friends what I am going through, because I fear that they will reject me and not want to have anything to do with me. I am also this upset because I am afraid that I am changing in ways that will compromise who I am, and will make me unhappy with myself.

OP, first, as you have concluded yourself, get some therapy! Second, get some new friends if this is how they would react.

The thread has made me curious. How many self-acknowledged k3-k5 are there on DL who publicly identify as gay? If so, why is that? Why do you prefer the term 'gay' over 'bisexual'?

[quote] Not only women are overemotional

Look who talking, the fucking nutcase who bangs his head against the wall and calls his mother weeping because looking at a woman made his dick tingle.

You're a goddamn lunatic man. You mother doesn't need to hear your pathetic f@ggot panic horeshit.

Kind of wondering if this is a reaction to being cheated on and imagining 'the grass is greener'. I've known of women who were cheated on and took up with women as a refuge. I'm not making a judgement but the truth is it's not always greener, however I do believe women are more monogamous than men. Likely you could find and have a more stable relationship but perhaps once you got to that safe place then your feelings might return and you might find yourself wishing for male partnership, sexually or otherwise, again. At that point if it were to happen you'd have to reconcile yourself to the urge to cheat and the wronging of a mate faithful to you. It's a dilemma but I do think this is a possible reason for your new attraction.

R111 Way to prove that women are not overemotional, homophobic stinkfish.

'Anna' gate-crashes gay bars and tries to flirt with the bar men, no doubt. She's insane.

I'm very gay and only sexually attracted to men. BUT when I get massages from women, I get sexually turned on from having my penis touched and sometimes, I pay extra to fuck them. I've done this around 20 times. I don't care what they look like. It's just about getting off. That doesn't make me bi though, does it?

It makes you a whore, R115 darlin'.

The bi troll's plot is working, and DLs are leaving exclusive homosexuality in droves.

R116- I'm the one paying. The massage therapists are the whores.

You're not a whore, just a bit sad.

[quote]I'm very gay and only sexually attracted to men. BUT when I get massages from women, I get sexually turned on from having my penis touched and sometimes, I pay extra to fuck them. I've done this around 20 times. I don't care what they look like. It's just about getting off. That doesn't make me bi though, does it?

If the scenario were reversed and this was a 'straight' guy who paid to have sex with 20 guys, would you still consider them to be straight?

I posted the ocd link, only because it occurred to me that it was the flipside of what a family member of mine had recently been experiencing (she was having unwelcome lesbian thoughts). In her case there was a trigger that started the obsession, but that's where logic ended. The trigger was going to a fundie church and hearing that gay was a sin and lustful thoughts were sinful...her boyfriend goes to this church and she's terrified of losing him. Yes, she is young and impressionable and I'm trying to get her to understand this church is crazy. There is no logic to ocd and you can't "fix" it with logic. Therapy is the way to go.

[quote]The bi troll's plot is working, and DLs are leaving exclusive homosexuality in droves.

Hah, R117!

[quote]The bi troll's plot is working, and DLs are leaving exclusive homosexuality in droves.

Good! Then, we'll know who the REAL homosexuals are.

OP, here. I have just come back from my first orientation session with a therapist, whom I won't be visiting again because she has adopted a rather offensive "so what? These things happen and radical acceptance is the only possible choice". She also has described sexuality as "some people are heterosexual, some people are... well, I won't say homosexual because I don't think it's the right thing and then many people wander along the middle and are fluid". Really? When I asked her what would be the right word for homosexuality, she has said that it was not important and moved on to compare my situation with those women who have a baby, and completely lose all interest in sex or feel temporarily attracted to other women. Which makes a lot of sense, given the fact that I am a gay man and this has nothing to do with those sorts of experiences. On top of that, while talking to me she was playing with her hair and, in the end of the session, she has come inappropriately close.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I have been majorly irritated with her attitude and her dismissal of my feelings - the "you just need to learn emotional regulation exercises and accept" hasn't been very helpful, because these are intrusive, unwelcome thoughts that are negatively affecting my well-being. I don't know. Maybe I am just annoyed because she hasn't told me exactly what I wanted to hear and has been so nonchalant about it all, and due to this fact, I've interpreted all of her actions very negatively.

Anyway, she has said that medication would be helpful and I should go to my GP, but has remained ambivalent about hypnotherapy (which was my original choice), and said that maybe I just need to learn to accept reality in a non-judgmental way... The only positive thing that has come out of this is that she has said that this might very well be a transitory thing, and that it happens to many people at one point or another in their lives. She's said that these momentary "forays" into uncharted sexual territory are frequent and tend to last little in most cases, but that they can feel scary for many.

Oh, well. It's a matter of continuing to look. I still think that self-harming behaviours, suicidal thoughts, waking up at night with palpitations and having persistent noxious thoughts that make you second guess your every action and fill you with anxiety, constitute a huge problem but, hey! What do I know? Apparently, it's only a matter of accepting and moving on, because it's so easy and irrelevant and it happens to everyone.

Idiot.

You like the attention, do you?

R124, you should see someone who specializes in treating OCD. There are many therapists who don't know what they're doing or who have very little experience with your type of problem.

Prior to developing this obsession with women, did you have other obsessions? You mentioned having OCD tendencies. Give some examples.

Thank you again, R126. I have obsessive tendencies that make me become fixated on anything. As a teenager, I became obsessed with the idea of the right and left sides of my body being completely asymmetrical and would spend hours exercising to compensate. I also started walking in a way that made my left leg work twice as much, which eventually led to an injury. I was in therapy for two years to deal with this, but developed the obsession that combining water and food would make me fat, so I started eating very little and drinking a lot in between meals, and I still do it.

I have always been obsessive about work and getting everything right, which is positive because I work as a tax accountant. I always had quirks like having to count the syllables of the words I pronounced until I reached 20, or leaving the doors open at home and always using my left hand to switch lights on to avoid something bad happening, but these were minor things and I could live with them. However, six years ago I became obsessed about causing an accident while driving or running someone over and having to commit suicide as a consequence, after seeing a news report about an accident on the M3. It eventually got so bad that I stopped driving and I haven't been able to do so ever since - I normally take taxis or get lifts from co-workers to go and come from work, or when I had boyfriends I would ask them to drive me to places. I never cared or tried to get treatment for this because I never liked driving anyway, and I thought "all the better - I won't be guilty of anything again and it's so stressful, that it's better for it to be gone".

However, when the anxiety from this abated, I became obsessed about the idea that my accent was unintelligible and people could not understand me, so I started taking elocution lessons and would spend hours upon hours every day doing exercises (I am not a native English speaker, although I came to the UK when I was very young). I developed a slight stutter and would blush violently when talking to others, because I thought that they would think that I'm an idiot due to the way in which I spoke. It wasn't until people kept assuring me that my accent had actually gotten nicer and they clearly understood me, that my fear started subsiding and well, now I have ended up with this.

The only problem is that I never felt so threatened before, and I could always stop doing things or improve them in some way, whereas now I can't.

Anyway, I have booked an appointment for tomorrow at one with a hypnotherapist and, HOPEFULLY, he will be able to help me, because I am feeling like shit. There's an OCD specialist in my town, but I would rather try to erase everything first, even if it's more expensive. I just want this to be gone and gone forever more, because I had never felt so horribly unwell before.

I would like to thank again everyone who has been nice to me and tried to understand me. Thank you so much for your kindness and your patience. It has been very scary and I just felt so desperate thinking that no one would understand me, as it has often happened in my personal life. Thank you again for being so generous to me. I really appreciate it and I wish I could thank you personally.

Anyway, thanks again to you all.

OP, thanks for updating us. Good for you that you decided to try another therapist. Hang in there until you find a professional you feel you can trust and who has experience working with OCD patients. Keep us posted.

R127 You're keener than you think, if you noticed how dysfunctional that behavior was right off. Follow your instinct.

How old are you OP?

Wow... You really need an OCD specialist who understands pure-o OCD and is trained in exposure and response prevention therapy. Pure-o OCD is a misnomer, because there are compulsions--they are just unseen. However, it's the umbrella term that includes SO-OCD.

OP here. Thank you so much to all of you for touching up. I just wanted to answer before going to bed, because I haven't been able to properly sleep in days.

R128, thank you for your kindness. I will keep you posted.

R129, I have thought that her behaviour was beyond inappropriate, but I feared that it was my mind playing tricks on me. Thank you again for your support.

R130, I will be 34 this September.

Thank you again for the information, R131. I don't know what is happening, but I really feel like this has taken over my whole life in a matter of days. I think that you are right and I should stop thinking about hypnotherapy and go with the OCD specialist, because I need someone who knows what they are doing. I certainly cannot help myself without some solid guidance.

Thanks again everyone for your help. You cannot imagine how much I value it, because everyone else seems to have left me to my own devices.

Good night.

Hey, just to let you know, I had an appointment with the hypnotherapist yesterday - he said that he cannot help me and that I need someone with more experience with OCD, so he referred me to a colleague and I have an appointment for next week... It's £95 per session (OUCH!), but I'm sure it will be worth it.

My moods are a bit more stable now, because I have very high expectations about therapy and also, yesterday a friend recommended me transcranial direct stimulation and it has worked. For two or three hours after using it, I am "myself" again and I can stop being anxious all the time.

Thanks again for everything. I will not post as often because I have realized that doing so helps me to work myself into a frenzy, but I thought that I owed it to all the people who have been supportive to say something. The hypnotherapist did say that it's essential to learn how to do some things that can help to lower cortisol and adrenaline levels, and also recommended medication.

Thanks anyway for everything. Good luck to you all.

Are people actually reading these essays of bullcrap, smh

R134 I like to take people at their word unless there are obvious signs of trollery. If this is a hoax, then it's an elaborate one that fooled me. I can take that risk in exchange for the possibility that I might help someone.

Look, do you really think that I would spend all this time writing about this just to get attention? For every two or three people who have been supportive, there have been ten who have been utter and complete arseholes. Just because I don't post my name and address and my Facebook profile, so that you can wallow on my misery and harass me even more, it doesn't mean that I am not suffering and that this isn't being traumatic,

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS? This is so unfair. If you don't like what I write and it's so ridiculous and makes no sense, don't read it. Just please, stop being unpleasant. I am not asking for anything other than have someone listen to me. If you don't care for this situation, then IGNORE IT AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Don't you see I already have enough on my plate?

Thank you, R135. It's comforting to see that there are still some decent human beings out there. Sorry for bothering you. I wish there was a way for you to contact me, but I don't want to post any e-mail addresses in this shithole. Thank you for your support anyway and, to the rest of you, go fuck yourselves.

you're being so melodramatic about this though...... okay so you kinda maybe sorta felt a tiny little attraction to a woman. big WHOOP!!!

OP, I'm glad you are on the road to finding a good therapist who understands OCD. Also, that by asking others you found the transcranial method that relieved your anxiety. I'm going to look into that!

Don't worry about the trolls and doubters - it's a given in anonymous online communities. It was good that you shared your situation and some of us DLers were able to give support and compassion. I'll keep your thread on my watch list in case you feel like posting an update.

You kissed a girl and you LIKED it ?

R138 Agreed. It's a forum. Is it really a big deal for someone to tell their story on here and get support if they need it? If some are bothered by it they can just go look at another thread.

Who knows why people post rude, hateful or trolling comments? Just press Ignore. There are also kind, intelligent, funny and helpful posters on DL who are worth hearing from.

You KNOW you are stroking off to some hot scissoring action now.

I bet you have to think about tongue-kissing a girl now in order to get hard for a man, right?

To be honest, this whole narrative sounds like a parody of the thoughts of a deeply closeted "straight" man struggling with the "shame" of his "unwanted" feelings towards men. Is there any doubt that under those circumstances we would agree that the first therapist's read of the situation was correct, that he needs to learn to accept his feelings?

OP said he was a gay man with a prior diagnosis of OCD. His unexpected sexual feelings, which most people might find mildly annoying, triggered severe anxiety and self-punishing behavior, which fits the SO- OCD pattern.

OP, are you the guy on Facebook who is super, super hot like jaw dropping hot, and who identifies as 100% gay? Also, who lives in New Jersey, and who posted on his FB page that his dog was sick and who needed to sell his Rolls Royce to pay for her veterinarian bills?

Love all the idiots on this thread who doubt the OP, who is obviously telling the truth and in pain,..........yet NO ONE is calling out the embarrassingly obvious Nifty fan fiction troll in the "I'm in lust with my cousin" thread.

Sorry, OP, you seem like a nice, thoughtful guy, but your 'problem' is very dull. I get bored just contemplating it, which doesn't happen often.

Is the OP shooting off to the Fall Victoria's Secret catalog right about now?

Is this what happens when your entire identity is wrapped up in being gay (or, rather, GAY!!!) and consequentially traumatised by the idea of being existentially extinguished, after contemplating the liminal grey spaces of identity?

R149 fucking thank you!!! I can't with the OP's crap and all his enablers making a big deal about this. DEAL WITH IT buddy!!

Why don't you sexual schizophrenics start your own lounge! Go and date each other and leave everyone else alone, problem solved!

Thank you, R151. Very much agreed. OP is still a female troll to me, though.

Hi, OP here. I just wanted to finalize my participation on this thread after so long, to explain what happened. First of all, i want to thank from the bottom of my heart all the people who showed sympathy, supported me and ESPECIALLY, those who gave me information about SO-OCD. I went to a therapist specialized in OCD and still take medication for anxiety issues, and while the OCD is still there, I now know how to manage it.

The most horrible thing about it is that it is like having your worst enemy inside your brain - it's almost as if you had someone who hates you and knows your worst fears or what repulses you the most inside your skull, and that person kept relentlessly tormenting you with it. Obviously, this is a very subjective and slightly childish explanation, but it sometimes feels as if your subconscious had started waging war against your conscious mind. It is also important to note that once you overcome an irrational fear, OCD looks for something else to fixate on (in my case, after the fear of a changing sexual orientation disappeared, it shifted again towards my fear of causing a huge car accident and killing someone as a result), so you have to continue applying what you have learned in order to deal with it effectively. It's important to remember that it is a mental illness and that the thoughts, ideas and impulses are due to a brain malfunction - something that can be corrected with therapy because they are the symptoms of anxiety, not something real in itself. The important thing is to deal with what is causing the anxiety, and the fears will disappear.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I am feeling extremely well, and I wanted to thank those who were so generous as to help me from the bottom of my heart. Not everything that is written here is a lie and you were kind, noble and compassionate enough to help a complete stranger who was in a very bad situation. I cannot express my gratitude in effusive enough terms. All I will say is that you are amazing, because your understanding and the information that you shared gave me the tools to look for professional help when I was already suicidal. I don't think that people realize how awful OCD is, and how completely lost, defenseless and vulnerable you feel, and how quickly it can consume you. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN. You've been wonderful and I wish I could repay you personally for being such awesome human beings.

As for the imbeciles who accused me of being a troll, kicked me when I was down and the freaks who actually rejoiced in the pain cause by a metal illness (no, I never turned bisexual or straight or anything like that - it was SO-OCD), I want you to know that you made things much worse and nearly drove me to commit suicide. For that, I wish you a very slow and painful death. I hope that you get pancreatic cancer or fall in the hands of a particularly sadistic serial killer. FUCK YOU, you pieces of shit. In your case, I wish I would actually lose control of my car and fucking mow down every single one of you.

Finally, I just wanted to say to anyone who has mental problems that I understand you and that THERE IS HOPE. There are trained professionals out there who can and will help you and the only thing you need to do is reach out, ask for help and look for information, because you can be helped and yes, mental illness can be cured. Please, don't give up and you will overcome whatever it is that is afflicting you. I know that it is an incredibly cliched thing to say, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

So yes, to all those who need help and those who are kind enough to offer it to them selflessly, THANK YOU. You have all my best wishes.

[quote]Gay but attracted to women?

No. Because this is a contradiction in terms. Buy a dictionary.

[quote] [bold]I have no interest whatsoever in having sex with a woman. As in, none.[/bold] As I have said before, [bold]it's a sudden burst of attraction that makes me feel uncomfortable, and then disappears[/bold]. Then, I don't feel anything like it for women for several months. The silly thing is that I keep thinking that maybe I am lying to myself and [bold]I suffer from some form of internalized homophobia[/bold]

[quote] The thing that annoys me the most is that it comes and goes (it doesn't happen that frequently), but [bold]when it arrives it can be pretty intense[/bold], and [bold]it has occurred increasingly frequently over the course of the last few months[/bold].

[quote] It's important to remember that it is a [bold]mental illness[/bold] and that the thoughts, ideas and impulses are due to a [bold]brain malfunction[/bold] - something that can be [bold]corrected with therapy[/bold] because they are the symptoms of anxiety, not something real in itself.

No, OP. It sounds like you’re suffering from internalized [bold]heterophobia[/bold].

Per your words, you (occasionally) experience [bold]“intense”[/bold] hetero attraction – and it makes you scared / uncomfortable. By definition, that’s hetero-phobia.

It’s funny that you came to the conclusion that your [bold]“bursts of attraction”[/bold] are a “mental illness” / "brain malfunction" that need “therapy”.

Sounds like we’ve reached an over-progressive future. Where even short-lived hetero urges are called a [bold]“mental illness”[/bold] and freak people out. LOL We’ve really turned the table on the breeders.

You’re a Kinsey 5 – “predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual”. No need to be in denial by calling it a “mental illness”.

If you want to act on the very rare & incidental attraction – act on it. If you don’t want to act on it – then don’t. Just accept yourself as you are – a Kinsey 5.

*sigh*

R155, I've been diagnosed with OCD by professionals that specialize in treating it, and I have overcome my severe anxiety problems with simple therapy and medication. Nothing abnormal that would or could be used by those "conversion" therapists was used, and I haven't had to lie to or convince myself of anything. in fact, within two weeks of starting taking anxiety medication, the problems disappeared and so, I concentrated on my therapy to address the causes of OCD.

So that you know, OCD goes from mild compulsions (obsessions with cleanliness and fear of germs/insects, etc) to very extreme things that are terribly damaging for the person obsessing over them. Some people believe that they are turning into serial killers, or pedophiles, rapists, cannibals or terrorists and yes, fear of a change in one's sexual orientation is part of OCD. These fears come from anxiety and revulsion, because OCD usually centers around what we consider to be most repellent - what goes against what we are and our innermost beliefs.

So yes, it IS a mental illness in this case and there is no need to qualify it in any other way. Read the link below and you'll understand how OCD works, OK?

By the way, stop this "accept yourself" and "you're really bisexual" nonsense. It nearly drove me to kill myself last time. This has nothing to do with social pressures or being in denial about one's own sexuality. It is a mental illness and one goes to therapy PRECISELY to determine what it happening. In my case, it was SO-OCD. That is all. there is no need to go into absurd and pseudo-intellectual rants about sociology and Queer Theory and how sexual orientation works.

I've dealt with the same issue my entire adult life. I'm happily gay and partnered but every two or five years I have sex with a woman and the itch goes away. Once I'm back in the saddle I quickly get bored and it reinforces my homosexuality. I'm pushing sixty now and I haven't been with a woman in several years so it might be gone now...

OP, I thought you did an excellent job of describing what OCD feels like in r153. I'm happy you got the help you needed.

[quote] It is also important to note that once you overcome an irrational fear, OCD looks for something else to fixate on

This is the worst part. It never goes away. Everyday you confront the same bully in your brain.

[quote] fear of a [bold]change in one's sexual orientation[/bold] is part of OCD […] anxiety and [bold]revulsion[/bold], because OCD usually centers around what we consider to be [bold]most repellent[/bold] - what goes against what we are and our innermost beliefs.

OP, so what were you so “revolted” by & found [bold]“most repellent”[/bold], to trigger the OCD? By your infrequent / incidental interest in the opposite sex? If so, such extreme revulsion is not a positive. It could mean that you’re so heterophobic (afraid of hetero attraction), that (even very infrequent) hetero urges were enough for you to feel extreme disgust and alarm.

It seems this underlying, negative fear (heterophobia / bisexuality-phobia) then triggered your OCD & self-questioning / self-loathing: “Am I still gay, though I sometimes get hetero urges? Or am I bisexual? I don’t want this transition & I don’t want to be bisexual! It’s disgusting and revolts me!”.

I hope that you mentally resolved the [italic]underlying cause[/italic] of the OCD, and not just treated the symptoms / behaviour (by dulling them with medication). That is, that you got rid of (or at least minimized) the [bold]extreme, unnatural revulsion[/bold] you felt towards a (theoretical) expanding sexuality.

And thank you for the OCD lecture. I had a ‘mild’ case too – washing my hands (and most other things) 50x a day to the point of getting eczema-like bleeding symptoms. I learned to control it by teaching myself over time to accept that bacteria are natural, and I should not feel repulsed by them, but just [italic]accept them as part of life and part of me[/italic].

That is, I got rid of the [italic]root cause[/italic] of my OCD – [bold]revulsion / phobia[/bold] of bacteria.

[quote] By the way, stop this "accept yourself" and "you're really bisexual" nonsense. It nearly drove me to kill myself last time.

Well, you asked a question on a public forum and ppl are giving their answers. No need to over-react & be so emotional about it. No one is forcing you to identify as, or act, bisexual. In fact I didn’t even call you that – a possible Kinsey 5 is not necessarily bisexual. Take it easy.

If a suggested simple nominal label, like bisexuality, is enough to drive you to suicide… And if you hate so much the very idea that your sexuality could (possibly) transition / expand to bisexuality, hate it enough to “kill yourself”… maybe you should also seek treatment for that [bold]bisexuality-phobia[/bold].

One way to fight such extreme phobia is to remind that [bold]there’s nothing bad about a changing / fluid sexuality[/bold]. Whether one changes or doesn’t change, in either case the outcome is going to be ok.

[quote] I've been diagnosed with OCD by professionals that specialize in treating it

And OCD professionals failed to diagnose my OCD until a much later, harder stage. I hope your professionals are right, but don’t rely just on them. Doctors used to diagnoze many women with an incorrect mental disorder (“hysteria”) not so long ago. All gays were officially considered to have a mental disorder until very recently (1987 in the US, 1992 for World Health Organization). And the medical field is still mis-diagnozing, over-diagnozing and under-diagnozing many people today too.

^^ Disregard the bold format in the last 3 paragraphs, was just typing fast.

R158, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to see that someone else is dealing with the relentless pain and anguish of OCD. Are you receiving any treatment for it? It is unbelievable how beneficial it is.

R159, thank you for your participation. I am also sorry for the fact that you're also living with OCD. To adress your points, I have not been misdiagnosed, I am extremely happy and there are many causes for OCD, because it is a consequence of extreme anxiety that causes our innate fears to manifest in extreme ways. I don't need to address anything related to my sexuality and the relativism that you use regarding the criteria for mental illness is silly at best. The medical profession has come a VERY long way from the misogyny and prejudices that were common just 30 years ago.

Regarding your comment about medication, it is a tool used to lessen the anxiety. It doesn't dull anything and it isn't a magical substance that allows people to deny anything about themselves. Please, do not be disingenuous. Finally, I do not mean to be rude, but I am not particularly concerned about your views on sexuality. I am very happy as I am and if you want to think that I am potentially heterosexual or bisexual and in denial, suit yourself. I won't waste any more time discussing this with you, because what happened was a reflection of OCD, which is an illness. I don't give a damn about your (nor anybody else's) unnecessarily over-complicated views on sexuality and/or gender.

Also, the last time I made the mistake of trying to engage people (which is understandable, as I was feeling EXTREMELY unwell and I was desperate to find information or someone who could understand what was happening), and many behaved like utter and complete bastards. I won't make that mistake ever again and I will not allow anyone to impose their views on me just to show that they are right for once in their lives. As I've said before, I do not care, so goodbye.

Anyway, thank you to those who listened, showed compassion and the willingness to help. Moreover, if anyone has any issues with OCD or mental illness, I hope that my experience is useful to you and that it compels you to get treatment, because it will help you enormously. You have all have my eternal gratitude and my very best wishes - I am not exaggerating when I say that the people who informed me about SO-OCD and told me to look for treatment, literally saved my life. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. If you read this, I just want to tell you that you are wonderful and, if there is a Heaven, you deserve to be there for having helped me when I was at my worst.

As for the rest, go fuck yourselves. Sincerely: someone who wishes you a slow and painful death.

OP. I am Trans and attracted to everyone, lol. I think as humans most of us are attracted to same and opposite sex people. But it takes far more than that spark of attraction to build a relationship. I always think of the Kinsey Report that suggests must of us are in the middle to some degree. I'm glad that you got help for the OCD.

[quote]Are you receiving any treatment for it?

Yes. Unfortunately, I didn't get a proper diagnosis until my late 30s, so I'm dealing with some very deep trenches of disordered thinking. Before that, I spent decades going to therapists and doctors and it was always "you're being too hard on yourself because you're a perfectionist." And I would tell them I don't feel like a perfectionist, but no one paid attention until I was grounded down to the point where I could barely function at an adult level. One of many reasons you getting help makes me happy.

[quote]That is, I got rid of the root cause of my OCD – revulsion / phobia of bacteria.

Not to go all No True Scotsman on you, r159, but please shut the fuck up. I naturally REBT'd my way out of that sort of phobia before I hit college. The root cause of OCD is fucked up brain chemistry, irrational fear signals shooting out. I'm happy for you that your issue was isolated and so easily conquered, but that doesn't position you to understand the relentless nature of severe OCD.

i have masturbated to straight porn occasionally, if there was a guy involved its easy. but i cant to lesbian or solo. if there's just a naked woman i don't get hard unless i really try to use my imagination. thats gay right?

R164. Yes it is don't worry about it.

I have noticed that a lot of gay men I meet have a fetish for big boobs. Anyone else notice this?

[quote] The medical profession has come a VERY long way from the misogyny and prejudices that were common just 30 years ago.

That wasn’t the point at all, OP. Every generation thinks their contemporary medical knowledge is superior and correct beyond question. In 30 years time, medics may discover that many of our current medical beliefs are incorrect or out-dated. Because the mental illness sphere is relatively a very new science - still developing and prone to significant errors.

I wasn’t suggesting your diagnosis is necessarily wrong. But advising [bold]caution[/bold].

[quote] I am very happy as I am and if you want to think that I am potentially heterosexual or bisexual and in denial, suit yourself.

Again, you seem to be lacking reading comprehension skills, OP. I specifically wrote that you are NOT NECESSARILY bisexual. I was suggesting that you might be (unconsciously) a hetero-phobe / bisexuality-phobe. There is a big difference there.

One can be fully gay and have such an innate, extreme fear of bisexuality that it triggers paranoia in themselves.

Same with homophobes who get an occasional gay dream – and then experience extreme, destructive self-hate.

[quote] [bold]I don't give a damn about your (nor anybody else's) unnecessarily over-complicated views[/bold] on sexuality and/or gender.

[quote] As for the rest, [bold]go fuck yourselves[/bold]. Sincerely: someone who [bold]wishes you a slow and painful death[/bold].

Lol again – you asked a question on a PUBLIC DISCUSSION FORUM.

OP, your choice of words and your pugnacious attitude seem to convey extreme ANGER and unnecessary defensiveness – almost AGGRESSIVENES. Not to mention a total contradiction of intents: “I want to publicly discuss a new issue affecting my sexuality – DL peeps, what are your opinions?” - “Actually, no, I don’t want to hear your opinions at all – those that are suggesting smthg that doesn’t align with MY OWN opinion, can go fuck themselves”.

Are you bipolar too, OP? In any case, I suggest you seek help for your anger issues (and the paranoid belief that many people are your enemy).

[quote] I have been [bold]single for the last three years[/bold] and I really crave a stable relationship, but [bold]all the guys I meet appear to be assholes[/bold]

OP, given your extreme anger issues, have you ever considered the possibility that maybe - just maybe - you’re the one who's the asshole?

That could explain why you’re single for 3 years. You blame your single / rejected status SOLELY on other people – on all the men you met in 3 YEARS, “ALL” of whom you sweepingly dismiss as “assholes”. Now it might be that you had consistent bad luck, but usually there is at least smthg wrong with you too.

And due to your consistent negative experience with men (which could be your fault too) and increasingly jaded, hateful attitude, you projected your rejected / unfulfilled desires on to females.

But apparently you hated your infrequent attraction to females too – so it’s a full-circle of hate.

[quote] Not to go all No True Scotsman on you, [R159], but please [bold]shut the fuck up[/bold]. I naturally REBT'd my way out of that sort of phobia before I hit college.

And that’s why I specifically clarified in my original post that I had a (comparatively) 'minor' case, R163. You seem to lack reading comprehension skills.

[quote] I'm happy for you that your issue was isolated and so easily conquered, but that doesn't position you to understand the relentless nature of severe OCD.

We’re not comparing dick sizes here. Every case of OCD is different. When you also scrub-damage your hands to full-on BLEEDING each day, and don’t exit your home for MONTHS b/c things didn’t go to a specific plan – then you can tell me to [bold]“shut the fuck up”[bold].

[quote]I've dealt with the same issue my entire adult life. I'm happily gay and partnered but every two or five years I have sex with a woman and the itch goes away. Once I'm back in the saddle I quickly get bored and it reinforces my homosexuality. I'm pushing sixty now and I haven't been with a woman in several years so it might be gone now.

r157, I'm always surprised how man 'gay' men are actually bisexual.

Read R168. TOTALLY a WOMAN writing that.

bump