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Does someone "secretly" like you?

My therapist said that, despite my low self-esteem and the conclusions I make about my future, I don't know what the future's going to be like, and that it's possible that there are people out there who are thinking of me in a good way - perhaps even kind of liking me / romantically interested. I'm wondering if that's true, but I'm not the most social person. I'm curious whether, as I'm walking the halls in school, some guys is kind of noticing me and thinking about me in that way.

by INFPreply 2711/14/2013

Life is tough when you're an INFP.

by INFPreply 111/09/2013

Absolutely is, R1.

by INFPreply 211/09/2013

I'm an INFP too, but I don't know much about it other than that I am introverted, etc.

Why is life tough for us, R1? My life is pretty crappy right now, but I never connected it to the INFP type.

by INFPreply 311/09/2013

Another INFP here. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship, nor has anyone ever expressed that they had a romantic fondness for me. Sigh.

by INFPreply 411/09/2013

i've lived a few years on this planet, and i can't tell you how many gays have told me over the years "i had such a crush on you" but i was too wrapped up in my own shit to notice or respond. finally after years of therapy, i have a better perspective and better sense of self, and *finally* notice when someone is interested and respond back if i feel the same way. haven't met mr. right yet, but boy, do i get laid more than i did in my younger years.

by INFPreply 511/09/2013

We're idealists, R3. Our lives are ... difficult. Same here, R4. Never been in a relationship, though I'm not sure I'd really like it.

by INFPreply 611/09/2013

Meant to include this.

by INFPreply 711/09/2013

[quote]there are people out there who are thinking of me in a good way - perhaps even kind of liking me / romantically interested.

This is probably very true, OP.

by INFPreply 811/09/2013

I know exactly how you feel... The idea of a relationship sort of scares me. That being said, I do want to at least try it. I'm human, after all, and crave that intimate connection. I'm also not one for casual sex (I wish I were, but too many hang-ups). I guess whatever happens will happen.

by INFPreply 911/09/2013

Whoa! I'm an INFP too and I'm always quick to shoot down any theory about people secretly liking me. My therapist is always pointing out to me that I don't know what the future holds and I shouldn't be so pessimistic, but my self esteem is so low that I'm always quick to assume the worst/dismiss the best.

Glad you posted, OP...

by INFPreply 1011/09/2013

Thank you, R6, much appreciated.

by INFPreply 1111/09/2013

I hate to reinforce the notion that misery loves company, but it's nice to know I'm not a lone when it comes to how I deal with my personal relationships. I'm in my early 30s and I've only been in one serious relationship (which ended 4 years ago). My ex used to express frustration with the fact that I tended to be emotionally and physically withholding; however, I truly did love him.

by INFPreply 1211/09/2013

It's interesting to note the other people with self-esteem issues. I have struggled with them all my life, and developed a drinking problem after needing to be drunk to associate with people on a casual level (aka at the bar or a party). I hate to post so often, but this thread is actually pretty cathartic for me.

by INFPreply 1311/09/2013

This is the first I've heard that the INFP personality type is introverted. Or that they are unaware of other people's feelings.

INFP have value systems that are introverted - as determined by personal values rather than external criteria.

In that case it doesn't seem like OP fits the description. As his value - self-worth - is being defined externally rather than internally.

by INFPreply 1411/09/2013

Are the majority of INFP's not in relationships and in therapy?

by INFPreply 1511/09/2013

[quote]This is the first I've heard that the INFP personality type is introverted.

The first letter of the four is either I for Introvert or E for Extrovert.

by INFPreply 1611/09/2013

Nobody likes me = low self-esteem, i.e., nobody likes me because I'm not good enough, etc.

You're worthy and deserving of being loved; start to think of yourself in those terms. It can't hurt. R5 gets it right

There is a passage in one of those Edmund White books where his shrink tells him he has such low self-esteem that only a crazy person could get through all his nutty self-deprecation. That really had a lot of resonance for me.

by INFPreply 1711/09/2013

I'm trying to connect how, according to the definition that R7 posted, that you are supposed to be intuitive about people, yet you are not picking up that anyone is interested in you (and I'm sure there are some, OP and others). Where's your intuition in that circumstance? Maybe that definition doesn't really fit you? Just trying to understand.

by INFPreply 1811/09/2013

I secretly don't know.

by INFPreply 1911/09/2013

At a certain point, introversion can mutate toward narcissism. I think introversion is sometimes romanticized too much, and I say this as an introvert myself.

Through therapy, I have realized that a lot of my hypersensitivity and introversion was quite narcissistic. I was always fearful of being hurt, exposing my vulnerabilities and experiencing rejection, for example.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but I realized that a lot of my self-protective behaviours were related to my narcissistic tendencies. My therapist tells me that this is far from unusual; most everyone has some element of narcissism in his personality.

by INFPreply 2011/09/2013

R20, that thing you said about:

"I was always fearful of being hurt, exposing my vulnerabilities and experiencing rejection, for example."

That's my whole deal. I'm very open and vulnerable with friends (I literally--like LSAT "literally"--have no secrets from my 3 closest friends), but I'm really scared of reaching out to someone I might like, for fear of rejection (I barely meet other gay guys, by the way, because I spend my times outside of school alone). My parents were mean enough to me growing up, as were other guys in school, and being kind of ugly, I mean things seem a bit stacked against me, and any rejection might hurt too much (I already have dysthymia, and have had several episodes of full-on depression).

by INFPreply 2111/09/2013


by INFPreply 2211/09/2013

you stupid fool, your analyst was clearly declaring their amorous feelings towards you.

by INFPreply 2311/10/2013

Agree with R23, was your therapist twirling his ear hairs when he said "someone secretly likes you"?

by INFPreply 2411/10/2013

R16 - do a little more research on the personality type.

I think you will find the "I" stands for introverted not introvert.

"Introverted" is modifying his/her feelings. Not behavior.

by INFPreply 2511/10/2013

How do I figure out if there's someone who likes me?

by INFPreply 2611/13/2013

Whoever it is, is top-drawer at keeping secrets.

by INFPreply 2711/14/2013
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