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How long should you go without hearing from somebody...

before you give up?

by Anonymousreply 3711/19/2013

People, please don't reply to this thread for day, 69 hours.

by Anonymousreply 110/31/2013

That's a very good question.

by Anonymousreply 210/31/2013

NEVER! You never give up! I heard that in a movie.

by Anonymousreply 311/01/2013

Never give up. Our saviour IS coming back!

by Anonymousreply 411/01/2013

Agree with R3.

Even better, wait until he meets someone else and he's at the alter with that person, then profess your love!

I learned that in a movie, too.

by Anonymousreply 511/01/2013

24 hours.

by Anonymousreply 611/01/2013


by Anonymousreply 711/01/2013

Depends on how close they are to you. I have friends and family I could go months and months without hearing from them and pick up where we left off when I do. If they are not close to me.. I call a few times and if they don't call back.. C'est la vie! I move on.

by Anonymousreply 811/01/2013

Let me play a song upon my harp for you

by Anonymousreply 911/01/2013

1 minute.

by Anonymousreply 1011/01/2013

Have you tried to contact him?

by Anonymousreply 1111/01/2013

I've never heard from a friend and I still haven't given up on him.

Maybe its because he's a mute.

by Anonymousreply 1211/01/2013

I would say, Be patient!

by Anonymousreply 1311/01/2013

OP here.

Haven't heard from him since October 18.

Sent my last communication to him yesterday (October 31).

Talked to a friend today, and I am giving up. If he wants to reach out to me and pick up where we left off, I am open. But I can't obsess about him anymore.

by Anonymousreply 1411/01/2013

Do NOT give up until 27 years have passed or death occurs, whichever comes first.

by Anonymousreply 1511/01/2013

Actually, the answer was in "The Mexican" with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. It went something like:

If you love each other but just can't seem to get along, when do you know that enough is enough?

And the answer is: never.

by Anonymousreply 1611/01/2013

[quote]Haven't heard from him since October 18. Sent my last communication to him yesterday (October 31).

How "communications" did you send between the 18th and the 31st?

Maybe you were trying too hard and scared him off.

by Anonymousreply 1711/01/2013

Maybe I did, R17. Maybe I did.

by Anonymousreply 1811/02/2013

Not OP. But I'm tired of chicken shit people who can't just say, "I'm not interested, thanks" and be done with it instead of hoping you just give up and go away.

Are you really that big of a coward that you can't just man up and make a clean cut?

by Anonymousreply 1911/02/2013

A week.

by Anonymousreply 2011/02/2013

Well, he and his partner bought a fixer-upper house that turned out to be work than they thought. And his nephew was born, and I know he was excited about that.

However, it doesn't take long to send a text or an e-mail, so I'm assuming I've been frozen out. I won't "harass" him by trying to reach out to him anymore. If he wants to be friends in the future, I'm open. But I wish that he would say "I'm not interested in being a friend anymore" and not leave me hanging.

by Anonymousreply 2111/02/2013

OP I'm not trying to be a smart ass but I think he probably is saying "I'm not interested in being a friend anymore", in his own chicken shit way.

by Anonymousreply 2211/03/2013

Yes, I think people who don't respond are simply saying 'leave me alone'. They don't want to say it in so many words but that's what they are signaling. In my case, I might try a second email but really that's it. I just move on. In the rare instances they're in touch after three or four months and say or write, "I got really busy and then forgot..." I may or may not give them another chance. But more often I don't reply. And I have written back once or twice, "well, I don't think I'm so forgettable or that you could have been so busy that one line in an email was impossible. Bye." I don't ever want to hope somebody is interested and look anxiously for a response that never comes -- when it gets to that stage, I'm hurting and they're hurtful. Time to cut them off.

by Anonymousreply 2311/03/2013

R23 has it. It's never been so easy to keep in touch without fuss.

Silence now (usually) means - in the old phrase - "Don't call us, we'll call you." Which meant they wouldn't. A routine lie to 'save face', and understood as such.

by Anonymousreply 2411/03/2013

R19 is an obsessed stalker.

by Anonymousreply 2511/03/2013

Yes R24 while it's true it's never been easier technology-wise it doesn't make one's capacity for interaction any greater. I wouldn't take these things personally. OP has described someone who has just bought a property that needs a lot of work and is building a new home with their partner in addition to having a newborn nephew and with that one assumes welcome familial obligations. Things change, life doesn't always stay the same and with that people need time to adjust and balance their interests. The truth is, as people mature, they become more involved with themselves and their own immediate family. As someone who has just been through a very challenging crisis that brought with it major life changes, I can tell you that some people don't care, they are completely self-absorbed and took no notice of my situation or need for compassion and just went on and on about they're problems finding a good hairdresser, etc. That's when you find out who people really are.

But part of having good friends is being a good friend and sometimes that means knowing when to give people space. And it's not always about you. Most of the time the way people behave towards you says more about them and their anxieties and insecurities. As Gene Kelly says in Singing In The Rain, "Dignity, always dignity." Yes, it is easy to make contact so you don't need to do it more than twice. Your friend knows you're trying to make contact. Days fly by, maybe he's too exhausted at the end of the day or is trying to stay focused on what he wants to accomplish and in his spare time just needs some time to relax and do nothing. He's might just be getting on with life and here's the headline: and so should you. The most important thing is that you should have a satisfying, productive life of your own. Contacting someone for two months without reply is not productive. It says, "I don't have a life of my own. It terrifies me that you're not replying." And that's your problem not his. So face the fear and move on, move forward with your own life. Just let go of that and everything you do to keep it alive - like posting about it on DL.

Maybe your paths will cross again and you can decide then what you think about it. Just don't be the last one to figure out that everyone else has a life except you. Invest, commit, build a big satisfying life for yourself. That's what matters.

by Anonymousreply 2611/04/2013

I still haven't heard from him, but I'm doing much better. I've moved on.

by Anonymousreply 2711/12/2013

[quote] R5: Even better, wait until he meets someone else and he's at the alter with that person, then profess your love!

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 2811/13/2013

'Give-up' what, OP- obsessively calling and texting? Leaving mix tapes in their mail box? Getting up in the middle of the night to drive past their house? Tailing them from a discreet distance? Arranging to 'bump into' them (after careful planning)?

by Anonymousreply 2911/13/2013

One dude showed up at my door, pretending to sell magazine subscriptions. He literally didn't think I could recognize him.

by Anonymousreply 3011/13/2013

As long as they don't tell you to leave them alone, it is not stalking. Period.

by Anonymousreply 3111/13/2013

I'm not doing so good tonight. My former friend posted an ad on craigslist in the "Strictly Platonic" section looking for new friends. I wonder why my friendship wasn't good enough for him. I'll get over it, I guess, but it hurts all over again.

by Anonymousreply 3211/17/2013

Three days. Three days. But im pissed halfway through the first day.

by Anonymousreply 3311/17/2013

[quote] Not OP. But I'm tired of chicken shit people who can't just say, "I'm not interested, thanks" and be done with it instead of hoping you just give up and go away.

I'm not sure what we're talking about, a friend? Someone you're into? I'm confused. As for boys, I've had really bad reactions when I've just said "sorry, not interested." If someone I'm into doesn't contact me or respond to my message I may wait a week and try again (in case like they're granny died), but if I don't hear back they are not ever contacted again.

by Anonymousreply 3411/17/2013

R23 is correct. My favorite is when you call someone on this behavior and then on top of it all they get crazy and blame your for expecting a call, text or email within 3 months. Fuck you buddy, it's done. By the way, this was with a guy who claimed to be bi then not; then friends, then not; then flirts and then not; in other words - too many issues. No one needs "friends" like that.

by Anonymousreply 3511/17/2013

OP, let it go. Sounds like this person is busy or not interested in contact right now. I have learned that most of my friends are often horrible communicators. Maybe it's time to make some new friends. Volunteer work is great for this. Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 3611/17/2013

UPDATE: The reason he stopped being friends with me is because he prefers to be friends with bi and closeted men. I was too flaming for his taste.

I actually feel better now.

by Anonymousreply 3711/19/2013
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