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"My Lover..."

Someone in another thread referred to their significant other this way. Are gay people still doing this? It's sounds hopelessly dated to my ears, not to mention silly. Calling someone "my Lover" makes it sound like you do nothing but fuck in sun-dappled meadows. Sorry but that does not describe my relationship.

by Anonymousreply 4503/15/2014

Wow, I noticed that today too. All I could think of was Will Ferrell in that SNL skit with Rachel Dratch...

by Anonymousreply 110/31/2013

"Lover" has always been synonymous with "person I cheat on my spouse with." But "partner" is even worse, as it suggests no sex at all, just co-practitioners in a law firm.

I'm glad we're finally getting "husband."

by Anonymousreply 210/31/2013

I knew this would catch someone's eyeballs when I saw in the other thread, and I can't even remember what thread it's in.

This is one of those things, like tipping and laundry methods, that we can bitch on about forever and ever. I don't think there's a right answer.

by Anonymousreply 310/31/2013

It makes me think of General Hospital when I was a kid in the 70s. Which basically means if you have a lover, you are having a secret affair.

by Anonymousreply 410/31/2013

"Lover" makes me think of those awful early AIDS stories in the gay press ("his lover, Gary, had to change his diapers"), and of bad early-80s music with turbo synthesizers and awkwardly inserted LOUD saxophone solos.

Nope, not using it.

by Anonymousreply 510/31/2013

LOL R1. That's exactly what I think of. That gross, pretentious, hippie couple in a hot tub.

by Anonymousreply 610/31/2013

It's too sexually charged. I can see calling someone you fuck but never spend any time with your "lover", but we have a better name for that: fuck buddy.

Calling your live-in spouse of many years that is just ludicrous, unless you live on the cover of a Harliquin romance novel, bodice perpetually in mid-rip.

Is he your lover when it's his turn to scoop the cat box? Are you "lovers" filing joint tax returns? When he meets your grandmother is he your "lover"? When you're sorting his underwear from yours, do you think " these are my briefs, and these are my lover's briefs..." When the neighbor knocks on your door and say "I think this is your mail", do you say "No, but it's my lover's and I'll be sure to get it to him."

Who talks like this?

It's just so far removed from the everyday realities of being in a long-term relationship.

by Anonymousreply 710/31/2013

lmao r5, so wrong

by Anonymousreply 810/31/2013

I've never thought of it as a gay term, the last person I heard using it was probably Carrie Bradshaw. A little old-fashioned, but I don't see anything wrong with it. Sounds a lot nicer than "fuckbuddy" to my ears.

by Anonymousreply 910/31/2013

Ewwww. I dont like that word, unless its preceded by "meat" and followed by "pizza".

by Anonymousreply 1010/31/2013

[quote]the last person I heard using it was probably Carrie Bradshaw

If I remember correctly she used it in an exaggerated, elongated fashion that was clearly facetious.

by Anonymousreply 1110/31/2013

R5 captured my thoughts exactly.

by Anonymousreply 1210/31/2013

I don't like either partner or lover because there are situations in between. I like "person I'm dating" or "guy I'm dating" even though they're longer.

by Anonymousreply 1310/31/2013

I never liked "lover," for the reasons others have stated. If you look up "husband," the word originally meant "master of the house" and to me it carries the strong connotation of "a man who's married to a woman," so I don't like that either.

"Spouse" is fine, and I also like partner. I don't think it necessarily calls to mind "business partner." Think of it as "life partner."

by Anonymousreply 1410/31/2013

I say, "my sweetie" and if it sounds a little twee, so be it.

by Anonymousreply 1510/31/2013

so just say "my LTR-er"

by Anonymousreply 1610/31/2013

The hetero equivalent is "my lady."

I was meeting a business acquaintance for drinks after work last week, and he said, "Do you mind if I bring my lady along?"

No, I didn't, but:

* HURL *

by Anonymousreply 1710/31/2013

How about "my old man"? I think that should make a comeback.

by Anonymousreply 1810/31/2013

I'll go with whatever Brides Magazine says on the matter.

by Anonymousreply 1910/31/2013

Well, as someone pointed out earlier, it sounds a lot nicer than "fuck buddy".

I have lots of lovers. Jealous?

by Anonymousreply 2010/31/2013

I prefer fuck buddy to lover when discussing exclusively sexual relationships. We fuck each other, we don't "love" each other.

by Anonymousreply 2111/01/2013

My piss slave or my human toilet has a nice ring to it.

by Anonymousreply 2211/01/2013

I call him 'MY LUVAH!'

by Anonymousreply 2311/01/2013

It sounds tacky. Shades of the 1930's "Lucille took a lover."

by Anonymousreply 2411/01/2013

I'm ancient by DL standards (56). when I came out in the mid-80s, the most-used term was "lover," especially for someone with whom you planned to build a future. I think I recall, through my senile dementia haze, that it was lesbians who first started using "partner" (at least where I lived) and many of us thought it was confusing and sounded business-like. Some tried out "significant Other," but it was cumbersome. "Boyfriend" could be fun, but it did seem unserious and also silly for anyone over 30. I use "partner" in public; among friends, I might say "my fella" or "my guy," with a slightly self-knowing tone (yes, it is twee, I admit it). Since my partner of almost twenty years remains legally married to his (female) wife, I can't use "husband," either literally or metaphorically. I, however, am happy to be referred to as "that tawdry Back Street Rae Smith." Good enough for Irene Dunne, Margaret Sullivan, and, of course, Susan Hayward. And yes, he and his wife stopped living together before he and I met and remain dearest "kin," so there.

by Anonymousreply 2511/01/2013

People can use whatever term they prefer. The DL police of course feel that what they prefer is superior but the world goes round.

by Anonymousreply 2611/01/2013

Why doesn't he just get divorced r25?

by Anonymousreply 2711/01/2013

Anytime I hear this phrase (which is, granted, rarely) I picture the speaker simultaneously tossing a large, spangly shawl over his/her shoulders. It isn't an appealing image.

by Anonymousreply 2811/01/2013

[quote]If I remember correctly she used it in an exaggerated, elongated fashion that was clearly facetious.

You are correct. IIRC she said it sarcastically in the "French" manner: "I have taken ... a lover." (I'm trying to remember if this was also the episode unapologetically titled "The Fuckbuddy.") Anyway, that was the last time I heard anyone use it, either. All of the non-geriatrics I know (gays under 40) just say "boyfriend" or "husband" (if actually married).

by Anonymousreply 2911/01/2013

Only old queens call their partner or spouse "my lover."

by Anonymousreply 3011/01/2013

[quote]Anytime I hear this phrase (which is, granted, rarely) I picture the speaker simultaneously tossing a large, spangly shawl over his/her shoulders. It isn't an appealing image.

I picture a secret hideaway... red brick apartment house on a dark, narrow turning behind Harrod's in London.

Shiny, tangerine colored eiderdown and cream coloured telephone by the unmade bed.

by Anonymousreply 3103/14/2014

Wait, you're 56 but you didn't come out till the mid EIGHTIES??

BTW, none of you bitches has come up with a great alternative to the word, which I don't use with my ... lover... unless we're joking around.

by Anonymousreply 3203/14/2014

[quote]BTW, none of you bitches has come up with a great alternative to the word,

BF...obviously. Works just fine AND cuts the mustard.

by Anonymousreply 3303/14/2014

I thought it came primarily from middle aged to older heterosexaul women trying to be p.c. when describing Walter and Pauls relationship.

by Anonymousreply 3403/14/2014

"My Brother"

by Anonymousreply 3503/14/2014

I prefer "my fuckpuppet."

by Anonymousreply 3603/14/2014

I prefer "Cum Dumpster".

by Anonymousreply 3703/14/2014

When my boyfriend became my husband I was glad, but I miss calling him my boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 3803/15/2014

I say "my buddy" or "my partner."

by Anonymousreply 3903/15/2014

Okay, OP, what else do you two get up to in sun-dappled meadows?

by Anonymousreply 4003/15/2014

R26, we're talking about a historical perspective on terms of affection - if it's too fucking boring for you go find your Legos, likely stuck way up your ass.

by Anonymousreply 4103/15/2014

I think the shark jump was when Tom Hanks used it in an acceptance speech

by Anonymousreply 4203/15/2014

It's dated but if i had time and nothing more to worry about than that, I would consider myself quite fortunate or very lonely.

by Anonymousreply 4303/15/2014

Bless you R5 and R7. I was in the biggest funk this morning and then read your replies and laughed out loud at some of your comments.

This is why I LOVE DL. (Mary!)

by Anonymousreply 4403/15/2014

It's terribly Tom Bianchi.

And no one wants to be that.

by Anonymousreply 4503/15/2014
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