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How Congress Plans To Boost Its Approval Rating

[bold]Following the government shutdown and the debt ceiling crisis, polling has showed that a record 85 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress. Here’s how the nation’s lawmakers are attempting to boost their dismal approval ratings:[/bold]

• Addressing all constituents as “master”

• Free autographs for entire month of December

• Trying even harder to defund Affordable Care Act

• Touring the country performing live legislation sets based on audience suggestions

• Each visitor to House or Senate gallery allowed to dump one 32-ounce soda onto congressman of their choice

• Inviting legendary guitarist G.E. Smith to sit in on congressional sessions

• Debuting smiling, lovable plush Bill-y the Legislator Alligator mascot who dances around the congressional chambers at all times

• Passing even just one bill

by THE ONIONreply 210/28/2013

Free blowjobs from Aaron Schock!

by THE ONIONreply 110/28/2013

Now, if they would tie Aaron to a mounting rack, I might give them a nod of approval, as long as I got it before the hole became sloppy.

I still wouldn't vote R ever again though.

by THE ONIONreply 210/28/2013
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