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Sometimes feminist fraus and worse than their traditional sister fraus

THE BENEFITS OF BEING A BITCH

I'm now 40. I like to say "in my 40s," because that suggests I've been here a while. And I want to have been this age for a while, because I really, really like being middle aged. One of the best parts of being in my 40s is that I have comfortably settled into being a bitch. It's satisfying. It accomplishes things. And it's fun.

I spent much of my early life as the good girl — at least in my presentation to the outside world. I did what I was told. I followed rules from those in positions of authority. I always had a strong sense of right and wrong, but wow, was it hard for me to put it out there.

For instance, my first year in high school, I decided that we needed open auditions for the school play. The speech and drama kids shouldn't automatically get all the parts. I circulated a petition. I got nearly 100 signatures. And I presented the petition to the speech and drama teacher — who was furious. And called my parents.

Fortunately for me, my parents are activists from way back, so they took my side. But when I was at home, I cried and cried. How could I go back to school with a person in a position of authority angry at me?

This no longer happens to me. I like challenging people in positions of authority. I get to act out of a sense of confidence and justification, not a sense of fear.

Not long ago, one of my friends wanted to stand up to a set of Charleston officials who didn't believe that kids with intellectual disabilities should be fully included in the classroom, even though all the most recent research says that this is the way to go — it's better for the kids, for the community, and, in a broader sense, for human rights. My friend had pulled some strings to get an appointment with the most important folks so that she could point out the national best practices that they were simply ignoring. She asked me to come along. She'd done all the research. She could cite studies from memory, easily. She was an expert. "But I'm too nice," she said. "I need you to be the bad cop."

I excelled. I was furious. I glared, and when the people in power tried to smooth things over, I wouldn't let them. "I'm sorry," I would say with a performed sense of confusion, "but what I hear you saying is that you're happy to ignore the things that have been proven again and again to be beneficial to children with disabilities. And you're ignoring them because it's convenient for you." Then I'd switch from performed confusing to outrage: "You're creating a system that is harmful to children like my daughter. Harmful! That is absolutely unacceptable!" And it was unacceptable. It felt so good to be the one whose job it was to call it out.

by Anonymousreply 3710/30/2013

Recently, I was at a meeting with an outside consultant. She was discussing how to divide up employees for a series of meetings. The white men would get their own and the white woman theirs, but both minority men and women would get one together. At first, I thought I misunderstood her. Was she really proposing to divide employees by race?

When I asked for clarification, and her clarification showed me that, in fact, she was grouping people that way, I stood up around a conference table full of professionals and angrily asked, "Is racism the only issue that matters for women of color? Why do I get to sit in this room and talk about issues like maternity leave and sexual harassment, but women of color don't have a space to do that? Aren't they women?" I told her how shocked I was that a reputable organization would think this was acceptable. She looked incredibly surprised, eyes wide and not sure what to do. I got her attention. Because of my bitchiness, she wasn't going to be able to ignore my criticism.

It's good to be in my 40s. I didn't hesitate. I don't worry about what will they think. I don't think about finding a nicer way to say something. Other people can be the good girls. It's not my role anymore. I get to be the bitch.

And then I clear out a space for the calmer activists to step in and get work done.

by Anonymousreply 110/26/2013

and OP sometimes it's good not to make typos in your thread titles...

by Anonymousreply 210/26/2013

Where is the typo?

by Anonymousreply 310/26/2013

OP: fraus aren't feminists at all

by Anonymousreply 410/26/2013

She sounds like a paper tiger to me. Education in South Carolina is a disgrace for the non-disabled children, but I'll bet she hasn't even thought about taking that on.

by Anonymousreply 510/26/2013

well its actually grammar instead of a typo --- you should have said "are" instead of "and"...

by Anonymousreply 610/26/2013

Yes, I wish we could edit.

by Anonymousreply 710/26/2013

She sounds like a ridiculous cunt.

by Anonymousreply 810/26/2013

She sounds insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 910/26/2013

I've seen her in the Piggly Wiggly in Charleston and she really is a hairy legged woman.

by Anonymousreply 1010/27/2013

Fraus and feminists are almost polar opposites. Both can be insufferable, but for different reasons. OP is not very bright.

by Anonymousreply 1110/27/2013

freaky freaks

by Anonymousreply 1310/27/2013

Cunt we all just get along?

by Anonymousreply 1410/27/2013

I hate when people use the incredulous fake confusion act in meetings. My boss does that, I think it's obnoxious. I don't let people my own rank get away with it, I either imitate it back to them or just tell them to drop their attitudes. This woman sounds horrible with a capital C.

by Anonymousreply 1610/27/2013

d

by Anonymousreply 1710/27/2013

She wrote an interesting article about abortion, saying her abortion was "a love story."

by Anonymousreply 1910/27/2013

I have no problem with this first article. I can only wonder if OP is male. I'm a woman and we are constantly inundated from a young age to be nice, be respectful, demur, accept less (with grace!), etc. Even in progressive regions. She's not really saying she's a bitch. She's really saying she finally has the courage to stand up for things, and she now has the courage to buck all her formative years of "ladies act a certain way", and she's doing this in a region where traditional values are the norm (I assume - isn't that how Charleston is these days?). But she still feels funny because society certainly doesn't like it.

It's easier to claim the word bitch (or fag) as one's own so when it's hurled at you, it doesn't hurt.

Do you see?

by Anonymousreply 2010/27/2013

It's a hackneyed theme. Women have written about reclaiming the "bitch" aspersion for over 10 years.

by Anonymousreply 2110/28/2013

It's not a gender thing, although the columnist is addressing it as such.

Pretty much everyone gets more comfortable in their own skin and more at ease with expressing their opinions, including negative opinions, as they move into middle-age.

She's right. It's better than being young and afraid to speak up. It's just not vaginal.

by Anonymousreply 2210/28/2013

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang onto.

by Anonymousreply 2310/28/2013

This is the fucking DATALOUNGE, the absolute center of the Bitch Universe!

What the hell is wrong with you, our should be our manifesto.

by Anonymousreply 2410/28/2013

"Frau" and "feminist" are mutually exclusive.

I hate the idiots here who think "Frau" means "woman". I've seen threads here referring to single, childless women as fraus and at least one that referenced "Frau sluts", which doesn't even make sense.

by Anonymousreply 2510/28/2013

I don't think there's anything wrong with this woman, other than her face. She looks like a character out of Li'l Abner. Her name should be Petunia Porkslop or some such.

by Anonymousreply 2910/28/2013

This OP is the same who started the "another woman gets away with lying about being raped thread.

Surprised?

by Anonymousreply 3010/29/2013

...Does Rumpy live in Austin?

by Anonymousreply 3110/29/2013

[quote]No, fraus think they are entitled to special consideration by virtue of their vaginas.

Do you talk to anyone or read anything or interact with the world AT ALL outside of Datalounge?

A Frau is a married woman. That's it. In common English usage it refers to a matronly woman who's concerns revolve exclusively around child-rearing, housekeeping, food preparation and other domestic "women's work".

On DL it has evolved to mean such a woman who is also very shrill, assertive, self-entitled and usually socially conservative, but it still retains its initial meaning as a married woman who's life revolves around her domestic roles as a wife and mother.

It does not mean "self-entitled woman of any marital status, with or without children, regardless of whether she has a career or is a housewife or where she falls on the political spectrum", no matter how desperately you hate your mom.

Fraus are not feminists. They resent and distrust actual feminists. And actual feminists are some of our best straight allies.

by Anonymousreply 3210/29/2013

I think that the word frau, on DL, has evolved to mean someone who is "very shrill, assertive, self-entitled" and who also manages to patrol the figurative usage of descriptive language on gossip boards. Everybody burthurts sometimes.

by Anonymousreply 3310/29/2013

[quote]Everybody burthurts sometimes.

Oh DEAR!

That's what you get for using the homophobic and infantile "butt hurt".

by Anonymousreply 3410/29/2013

If butt hurt is homophobic, I apologize.

by Anonymousreply 3510/29/2013

Your poor sister, OP.

by Anonymousreply 3610/30/2013

R23, without checking, I believe the full quote is "high-riding bitch."

by Anonymousreply 3710/30/2013
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