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Gay white guys, how many of your good gay friends are visible minorities?

Gay white guys, how many of your good gay friends are visible minorities?

Black, Asian or East Indian.

How many? List then now!

by Anonymousreply 13811/18/2015

I have decided that when I have good gay friends, 20% will be visible minorities. That includes disabled gays.

by Anonymousreply 110/18/2013

Zero, but my close friend circle is pretty white regardless of sexual orientations. Some Jews and a few white Hispanics (like Cameron Diaz-white) but everyone else is typical white mutt mix. I have consciously considered this and possible reasons why, but all I come up with is white liberal guilt. None of us are racist and the few times we've seen or overheard racism in the world at large we speak out and are duly offended. It's hardly a Klan meeting when we all get together. Except for one idiot libertarian we're all moderate to liberal Democrats and Obama supporters.

I will say my group includes many women, including lesbians, several straight males and straight couples, and that since coupling up over a decade ago my partner and I make conscious efforts to include our single friends along with the couples and not be joined at the hip in social situations.

But that "one black friend" is sadly elusive. It hasn't happened and it's not like you can sign up at

by Anonymousreply 210/18/2013

I avoid minorities if at all possible. They have too much baggage and though it may not be there fault entirely, it's still requires too much dancing around the elephant in the room for me to be comfortable. I'm not rude, I make eye contact, smile and acknowledge minorities as I do with my majority, but I don't make friends. I've been burned too many times over the years.

I wish all people well, but I know of no one who requires my friendship to be happy ever after.

by Anonymousreply 310/18/2013

Get real R3, being friends with minorities does not bring along baggage or tip toeing. It seems you are the one too hung up on them being non-white, get over it.

My entire life I have always been in diverse environments, not on purpose but life has always been this way and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm also only 26 for what that is worth.

by Anonymousreply 410/18/2013

r3 is kind of right. It goes both ways. What you deem as "baggage" is the realities blacks face operating in a white world. You will never, ever understand it, though it doesn't mean that you can't have cross racial friendships.

Gay black dude here, and I find becoming real friends with gay white guys (not straight whites mind you, because I have quite a few of those) is very, very hard. I have two gay white friends right now and it took a while to cross that barrier into real friendship. One is super social-justice type who has tons of black friends and dates black men, and the other is just this super-cool hipster type and we just clicked. We never even talk about race. We connect as gay men and talk about life.

I find it weird that the community doesn't mix more than we do, and crazy that straight men are better at cross-racial friendships than gays. But I've feel like gay white men have this super intense social pressure to engage with as few black people socially as possible (Asians and european-looking Latinos seem to be OK). I'd be interested to hear from white DLers if this is the case, this being an anonymous board and all.

by Anonymousreply 510/18/2013

R3, are you gay? How do you avoid or deal with the LGBT minority groups and all their baggage? I think you're the kind of human being we are trying to evolve beyond. I am assuming you're much older.

by Anonymousreply 610/18/2013

Also I want to note that this is fascinating and I hope this can be a civil conversation and not devolve into a crappy bitchfest.

by Anonymousreply 710/18/2013

Everyone ignore r3. If that's not an obvious troll he deserves to be shunned and ignored.

by Anonymousreply 810/18/2013

[quote] I find it weird that the community doesn't mix more than we do. I've feel like gay white men have this super intense social pressure to engage with as few black people socially as possible

Which is why I started this thread Black dude.

I find that the gay community is so segregated, that the straight community when it comes to integration. Despite this whole rainbow community feeling.

by Anonymousreply 910/18/2013

Yep me too R7

by Anonymousreply 1010/18/2013

[quote]We never even talk about race.

Is race something that you typically bring up a lot?

by Anonymousreply 1110/18/2013

Again this is a thread about FRIENDSHIP between whites and visible minorities.

NOT ABOUT whites dating visible minorities.

So let's keep that straight when discussing this thread,

by Anonymousreply 1210/18/2013

Good luck with that, R7.

by Anonymousreply 1310/18/2013

I don't consider any of my friends to be 'minorities', as I don't see people's colours, races or disabilities.

by Anonymousreply 1410/18/2013

When it comes to real data, rather than impressions, gay people are more likely to date "interracially"(such a silly word IMO) than straight people.

by Anonymousreply 1510/18/2013

I don't have any friends.

by Anonymousreply 1610/18/2013

R14 then list how many of your friends are visible minorities.

by Anonymousreply 1710/18/2013

Why is this poll for men only?

People tend to hang around people who look like themselves, in class and race, etc. we know that's true.

However, the idea that it's a "natural" darwinian instinct of some kind is a myth. Instinctual humans were inclined to be drawn to and interested in people who looked 'different' than their own kind. And from an evolutionary perspective, breeding more variety into the gene pool is a good thing.

The fact that current society tends to move in 'visible' packs, is social conditioning and nothing more.

by Anonymousreply 1810/18/2013

Let's face it: Gay white men become total bottoms when around gay men of color, so it's very hard to establish anything but a sexual relationship with them. They're simply too consumed with the huge dark meat to even give thought to how else they might engage a man of color. It's just all ass in the air all the time when it comes to gay white men.They're such whores around men with big dicks (i.e., minorities) that it's difficult for them to concentrate on anything else.

by Anonymousreply 1910/18/2013

[quote]I don't see people's colours, races or disabilities.

Many people of color would find this very annoying.

Don't pretend it doesn't exist. It's part of our life. Ignoring race doesn't make racism go away, moron.

by Anonymousreply 2010/18/2013

R19: Interesting and undoubtedly true; but my experience has been the opposite - every black man I have been with (I am white) has been a Bottom (bottom with a capital 'B' intentional).

by Anonymousreply 2110/18/2013

Me! Actually, there was a time when I had only black gay male friends and one black lesbian friend. And, I'm white.

But, I don't have any friends now.

by Anonymousreply 2210/18/2013

I seem to have landed in a nest of Filippinos. I didn't plan it that way.

by Anonymousreply 2310/18/2013

While it is true that there is a certain type of person that sees black and latino guys as cliche sexual stereotypes and not as real people R19, that is thankfully not everyone. It helps if they have been friends with minorities in the past.

by Anonymousreply 2410/18/2013

People like r2 make me sad. Gay white guys like him are extremely common.

I'm Latino but white enough I get mistaken as european. I'm exotic enough I appeal to white gays but white enough I don't scare them off. And I can't even believe some of the racist shit that comes out of their mouths. They don't even realize it, and think I'll agree with them because they invited me into their club. And these guys are all liberal democrats!

Gay white europeans seem to be less hung up on race though. So I'd say maybe it's more of an American thing than a white thing.

As for my friends, I live in NYC and am in my 20's, so it's easy for me to have a VERY mixed group (black, white, straight, gay, poor, rich, democrats, republicans, atheists, christians...). I think that has to do with me moving around constantly as a child. I've lived in different continents (no, not rich, so I lived with normal folk), and from early childhood I had a strong dislike towards patriotism and have been fascinated by learning about different cultures/ideas. IMO, people who aren't as exposed to different people as children tend to be the most afraid of each other as adults.

by Anonymousreply 2510/18/2013


Birds of a feather...

by Anonymousreply 2610/18/2013

I am not sure if you all are fibbing or just plain naive about the issues involved in interracial friendships. There is ALWAYS an elephant in the room to deal with.

I would say that 80% OF MY close friends are Black. I have very few relationships with other white folks due to my interests and lifestyle.

Not a day goes by that I am not educated and chided about an issue which I either read incorrectly or misunderstood. I am very open to learning, and I am not terribly sensitive to criticism, so it works fairly well.

But anyone saying "I don't see color", well, color sees you. And unless you want to be the subject of eye rolls following your exit from a room, I recommend that you start accepting and understanding how very vast the gulf remains between well educated, socially progressive Blacks and us YTs.

For instance: they don't much care for Obama... that's an understatement of massive proportions. I would imagine that most of you guys would naturally assume that being down with Barack would ingratiate yourself with the Black community...and you would be wrong!

But it's worth the work, and I get schooled nearly daily. I love my friends and I feel the richer for them allowing me to be a REAL part of their lives.

by Anonymousreply 2710/18/2013

Do Mexicans count? I'm friends with lots of gay Mexicans. And no, they do not like being called Hispanic (one is quite adamant about it).

by Anonymousreply 2810/18/2013

R28 read R25

by Anonymousreply 2910/18/2013

I bet R21 has a large cock. Black Bottoms can sniff out a big dick white guy a mile away.

by Anonymousreply 3010/18/2013

You all must be, like, the bestest ever homosexuals to have minority friends, and mention it on an anonymous message board. I don't no no minorities, but I do say hi to the retard who hangs out in the park...does that make me good?

Once Pa dies, Ize trying for a Oriental.

by Anonymousreply 3110/18/2013

I'm a gentile, my best friend is Jewish, he's dating an Italian. We have both had black partners. My best lesbian friend is a Latina and she dates a Chinese girl. My sister-in-law is Puerto Rican, so we now have a large blended family. I think everyone else in my circle is white.

by Anonymousreply 3210/18/2013

[quote] my best friend is Jewish, he's dating an Italian.

They are not visible minorities.

by Anonymousreply 3310/18/2013

Well, R28...being Mexican is their nationality, not their ethnicity. If they are such ardent nationalists, they should climb back over the wall and continue eating burritos while riding their mules and drinking Tequila. Ay, caramba!

by Anonymousreply 3410/18/2013

Very few, one Asian, but nearly all of my circle of friends are foreign-born or lived abroad for a significant amount of time I have.

by Anonymousreply 3510/18/2013

If you are born in the US you are an American. What's all this crazy talk about minorities? To my way of thinking, minorities are all tourists. If anyone born in the US thinks of themselves as anything but being an American, then they are the problem. The only minority I recognize is in the US House of Representatives. All the other crap exists only in defective minds.

by Anonymousreply 3610/18/2013

R37, go play with your toys. The adults are speaking.

by Anonymousreply 3710/18/2013

R37 then how many friends of yours are visible minorities?

by Anonymousreply 3810/18/2013

I find Asians difficult to understand while talking, so conversation is very limited.

Hispanics/Latinos have too many babies for me to even register with them at this stage. They're also always looking to hustle.

I feel too guilty around Blacks. My people made them pick cotton and they had to build an underground railroad just to get away from us.

That leaves me with Pacific Islanders and Hawaiians, and they don't get out much beyond the waters.

by Anonymousreply 3910/18/2013

OP I am white, blonde hair, blue eyes, Scandinavian looks and I find the opposite very attractive, hairy dark guys, latinos, blacks and Arab guys, but I like them to be fit, sporty. Good friends?

I choose friends based on who they are.

by Anonymousreply 4010/18/2013

[quote] I choose friends based on who they are.

That wasn't the question asked.

The question was how many of your good gay friends are visible minorities?

by Anonymousreply 4110/18/2013

R42 I know, and still I chose they way I wanted to reply. Deal with it.

by Anonymousreply 4210/18/2013

[quote]But I've feel like gay white men have this super intense social pressure to engage with as few black people socially as possible (Asians and european-looking Latinos seem to be OK)

This is true, you can see it in the clubs and bars. Even the ones run by supposedly "progressive" and "open-minded" people. White gays do not want blacks around, but Latino and Asians seem be just fine with them.

by Anonymousreply 4310/18/2013

Fuck you, R43.

by Anonymousreply 4410/18/2013

38-year-old white guy, here, and two of my closest, hourslong-phone-conversation friends are black. Interestingly, both now have white husbands. Another gay best friend from college is Filipino.

I work in music and theatre, so I'm in a Benetton ad to begin with. There have been many times when I'm the minority in the room, having worked on shows with mostly black, asian or hispanic casts. In fact, I can think of several occasions where I was the only white guy hanging out in a small group.

That to me is the more interesting question to white people - how often are you in a situation where you are the only white person in a room?

by Anonymousreply 4510/18/2013

I don't have any gay friends, I have many friends that are black and Hispanic.

by Anonymousreply 4610/18/2013

[quote]People like [R2] make me sad.

In a thread peppered with obvious racists, it's the self-described guilty white liberal that makes you sad? Really?

I'm just being honest. I don't have any non-white close friends. I'm not posting about how uncomfortable minorities make me feel or how I can't understand their speech or that I've been "burned before" by minorities. I recognize that all of those statement are racist to the core, and I lament my own lack of non-white close friends, but I make you sad?

You really can't win. I guess I could lie and pretend a random co-worker or some neighbor that I nod hello to once in a while is "a close friend", but they're not. Or I guess I could go token hunting and force a friendship on someone simply to make you less sad. I have dozens of non-white acquaintances that I'm friendly and respectful towards, but none in my inner circle. So sorry my social circle saddens you so.

by Anonymousreply 4710/18/2013

Yes, R48, I find your post to be sadder than the obvious racists. Why? Because it's easier to call out an obvious racist than an undercover one like your self. You live in a CITY filled with minorities yet all your friends are white. Most racists are like you and calling you out on it is impossible since I'm sure you voted for Obama. Now run back to your gay bars, your gay vacations, your gay restaurants, your gay all white inclusive club of friends, AND please do continue to bitch about how close-minded people are towards white gay men. Isn't there a homophobic republican out there saying he's not a homophobe because he has gay acquaintances or some shit like that? Go complain about his bigotry while failing to realize how much you actually have in common with him.

by Anonymousreply 4810/18/2013

You tell 'em, R49. I bet you have one light skinned black guy who looks like Shemar Moore as your ethnic friend.

by Anonymousreply 4910/18/2013

The only true "minorities" are the gays and lesbians. Are you kidding? Do you people know what people call you behind your backs?

When an obvious gay or lesbian walks down the street a STATEMENT is being made, like it or not. No other "minority" is making a statement. No other "minority" has their families throw them out of the house because of what they are.

Here's my million-dollar question: how many straight people have gay friends?

by Anonymousreply 5010/18/2013

[quote] how many straight people have gay friends?

You've got to be kidding?

by Anonymousreply 5110/18/2013

[quote] This is true, you can see it in the clubs and bars. Even the ones run by supposedly "progressive" and "open-minded" people. White gays do not want blacks around, but Latino and Asians seem be just fine with them

Not that there isn't racial baggage at play (on both sides), but I think the trappings of the mainstream gay scene (e.g. cheesy pop music) also impact the homogeneity (i.e. white gays) of the scene.

by Anonymousreply 5210/18/2013

R50 I just needed to add, I love Shemar's looks, body, abs, color of his skin. And he is not my friend, never met him, I don't live in LA, nor Ca.

by Anonymousreply 5310/18/2013

I'm gay and Caucasian and have had many straight African-American friends.

Unfortunately, significant geographical distance now separates us and I seem to always be the one to do all the work in trying to stay in touch.

I had one gay black male friend, but he just never seemed really comfortable with my white friends.

This is only my experience. I am not trying to generalize.

by Anonymousreply 5410/18/2013

I find that gay white men will befriend minorities only if the minority is ten times better looking then them, to serve as a proper token, or many times more interesting than them. Otherwise they don't bother. Among hot whites, they only befriend hot minorities, but they must be exceptionally hot as well, to be given their club card. Of course there are always exceptions, especially in a large city like LA or NY.

by Anonymousreply 5510/18/2013

[quote]Not a day goes by that I am not educated and chided about an issue which I either read incorrectly or misunderstood.

Mmm, doesn't that sound like fun.

by Anonymousreply 5610/18/2013

[quote]Now run back to your gay bars, your gay vacations, your gay restaurants, your gay all white inclusive club of friends, AND please do continue to bitch about how close-minded people are towards white gay men.

WOW! Stereotype much?

by Anonymousreply 5710/18/2013

[quote] or many times more interesting than them

LOL. As if it occurs to anyone that there friends are x times more interesting than themselves.

by Anonymousreply 5810/18/2013

r51, tell the majority black and brown LGBT youth that no other minority gets thrown out of their house for being who they are.

Yes, walking down the street as a black person or other visible minority is making a statement because we know that before we even open our mouths we have to contend with years and years of negative stereotyping which makes people assume that they know exactly who we are and how we think. Whites get to be a blank slate. Visible minorities aren't afforded that opportunity.

by Anonymousreply 5910/18/2013

Camp gays are visible minorities as well.

by Anonymousreply 6010/18/2013

I would have no problem befriending minorities but I live in Carmel. The only minorities here (all 4 of them) are staff who are paid hourly and therein lies the problem, dearie.

by Anonymousreply 6110/18/2013

None. I don't understand the culture, and the constant inferiority complex is wearing.

by Anonymousreply 6210/18/2013

I am black and live in the uk. I do not have any close white friends now that i am older. I find that after school and college when i started working, real life pressures made me seek support and friendship with people who share my experiences. It doesn't mean i am not friendly to white people its just they also i think want to be friends with people like themselves. The uk has a class system too and minorities just dont fit into that system either, so you will find the higher the clasd the less likely are minorities to be present. As we would not be considered good enough. There may be a token who makes them laugh or is good looking or is rich. But over all races make friends with their own rave.

by Anonymousreply 6310/18/2013

Gay guy here, 11 gay friends, all very close. Only one is Black, no Hispanic and no Asian.

Since op brought up gay friends, dykes are gay and I have no dyke friends. Never got along with them. I do have 3 straight female friends though.

by Anonymousreply 6410/18/2013

R50, you are dripping with sarcasm. But I'm the same guy from R25, I already stated I have plenty of diversity in my group of friends. I have dark AND light skinned black friends motherfucka. I live in NYC, it's impossible not to interact with all sorts of different groups on a daily basis, that's why I can call racists out like R2, who lives in an urban city yet only has white friends. You become friends with people by interacting with them and how can you possibly live in a city where you interact with minorities on a daily basis yet not have one as a friend?

Then, like R2 they'll say: Oh, so you want me to go out and make a token black friend just to please you?

What an idiot. Do you think I have black friends because I wanted a token-anything? No! I have black friends because living in NYC I interact with black people all the time and this may be shocking but with some I just became friends with. I also have republican friends, you think I went out looking for them? Hell no! I hate every republican politician alive and think they are the worst. I can tolerate republicans who aren't politicians though. I find them misguided but not evil like Bush/Romney/Boehner/Wall Street type republicans.

Gay white guys like r2 complain about how close-minded society is towards them (which it is towards gays!) but then they go and pull similar stunts with other minority groups. And he even expects a medal because oh, he's civil to the ones he knows at work. That's like a phobe saying: I have nothing against gay people, I work with a bunch and I've never like spit on any of them. I'm civil with them.

And it's almost impossible to call them out on it because if you do they play the victim and act like you're getting too loud and being too aggressive (white-privilege showing it's ugly head!). White gay guys love to tell darker skinned people how aggressive racial minorities are! If a white gay person says something racist and a minority tries calling them out on it, they'll respond by saying you're tool loud, or that you need to calm down. They know they're wrong but they defend themselves by attacking the style of delivery of the minority (you're being loud) as opposed to the message (you're being racist). Happens all the time. Sometimes, it's even meant to be a compliment that they find you aggressive. For example, many of the gay white men seeking black/racial partners are totally looking for that fantasy of the macho ethnic guy that will plow them senseless. It's a compliment when they're horny but it's an insult when they disagree with you.

Like I said before, American white gay men are racist and very subtle about it. Not all of them of course. There are MANY exceptions. I also find race to be MUCH less of an issue with non-American gay white men.

So R2, stop denying you're a racist. You are! Welcome! I'm racist too! I hate black people, I hate caucasians, I hate Asians, I hate 100% of the human race. I've lived with every race and they're all idiots. Can't get any more racist than that, right? But I equally hate them all, that's the key. Own up to your racism and work on it. You'll never perfect but it sure as hell can improve.

by Anonymousreply 6510/18/2013



by Anonymousreply 6610/18/2013

Most people are classists who hang out in their own class.

It's just coincidence that race falls along the same lines, more or less.

by Anonymousreply 6710/18/2013

Does anyone truly see themselves as a minority. Isn't that just another means of living with low self esteem? I don't know what benefits a relationship has for white or non white if one is seen superior to the other. I've read the posts on this thread and it doesn't read well. Why should white friends be any more important to non white people than friends of color? Any person who sees these relationships as necessary are sadly mistaken.

by Anonymousreply 6810/18/2013

[quote] Any person who sees these relationships as necessary are sadly mistaken.

Not necessarily, especially if you believe that knowing people from different groups can broaden your own understanding of the world.

by Anonymousreply 6910/18/2013

[quote]Like I said before, American white gay men are racist and very subtle about it. Not all of them of course. There are MANY exceptions. I also find race to be MUCH less of an issue with non-American gay white men

Do you realize that statement is meaningless.

You claim: 1) American white gay men are racists. 2) There are MANY exceptions.

You do see the contradiction? It's like saying: 1) All fish live in the ocean. 2) There are MANY fish that don't live in the ocean.

Silly, right?

by Anonymousreply 7010/18/2013

Research has shown that gay white males who routinely listen to Janet Jackson tend to have more minority friends than those who do not enjoy the R&B diva/songbird. Janet truly is a healing force. She deserves a humanitarian award for being such a unifying soul.

by Anonymousreply 7110/18/2013

I think that all folks can agree that R66 is batshit fucking insane.

by Anonymousreply 7210/19/2013

Why is it always "minorities" looking for "non minority" acceptance. How many of this kind of people and that kind of people are lucky enough to be in your circle jerk of friends.

If this thread is any indication of minority thinking, minorities suck at thinking and waste too much time thinking about themselves relative to those they consider not of their minority.

The lady who keeps my living quarters clean is Pilipino and we often sit and talk about what is going on in our lives. The guy who cooks for me on Monday and Fridays is French and he and I talk all the while he cooks and I wash the pots and pans to help him accomplish more. The guy who drives me long distances is black and he and I will talk the entire time we're heading some place. He stays in the same hotels and eats where I eat.

I don't think any of these people think of me as their white employer. I generally do as much of their job as they do, except I don't get paid or get benefits, 401K, health insurance etc.

I believe all of them are straight, but who knows, who cares. I do have regular friends with whom I stay in contact and entertain. I don't know if any of these "regular" friends are minorities or identifies as minorities, it never comes up.

by Anonymousreply 7310/19/2013

Yes, blacks carry heavy baggage, but most of that weight comes from their big, fat cocks

by Anonymousreply 7410/19/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 7510/19/2013

The trouble is that they always end up hitting on us, getting angry when we shut them down, and thus ruining the friendship. So it's not our fault.

by Anonymousreply 7610/19/2013

God, if you are for real R74 you are a completely insufferable person.

And you don't know if your friends are visible minorities? Yeah, I'm going to let you think about what you just said.

by Anonymousreply 7710/19/2013


Sure. All black guys who befriend you want to fuck you.

by Anonymousreply 7810/19/2013

I didn't say blacks, you did. Though it has happened with black guys before. Of course not all. Honestly? It's happened to me personally, so I'm not saying it's universal or something, ok, mostly with Asian guys. They've also been the most underhanded about it, lying about being interested up front to get in the door so to speak as a friend. They also have the biggest freak outs when you turn them down. Blacks have been more upfront with me, being friends but also flirty. They have been the ones most likely to call me a racist over it though, usually the first time they get pissed off. Hispanics I have not had the issue with, and folks like Middle Easterners and Indians I don't really see out in the gay community here.

by Anonymousreply 7910/19/2013


This problem would stop if you addressed each of these guys as "gurl".

by Anonymousreply 8010/19/2013

Lol r72

by Anonymousreply 8110/19/2013

R71, the way I see it…. I don’t think it’s silly at all. IMO, the majority of them are racist (a few are extremely obvious, the rest are subtle about it). AND yes there are MANY exceptions to the rule. I don’t see how those contradict each other. There are MILLIONS of white people, so even if only let’s say 2% of them are exceptions, that’s still a large number! So yes, it cane be a stereotype that all fish live in the ocean. That doesn’t mean MANY of them live in rivers, let’s say.

R73, yes insane! That’s what all them dumb people say when they meet a motherfucker as smart as me,; aNyway… Plus it aint matter when you as hung as me bitch

R74=Colton from Survivor. I’m not racist! All my paid help is colored!

R77, has a point. Latinos, blacks, and Asians, growing up are BOMBARDED with white advertisements. So many grow up thinking snatching a white man up is the ultimate prize. Asians tend to be the worst at this. Or should I say the best? For example, Asians are better at adapting to the American lifestyle than Latinos or blacks. Amongst gay white people, they ALWAYS have gay Asian friends, even though most will state ”not into Asians” on their dating profiles. R77 feeling the way he does is all part of white privilege even though he does make a point.

by Anonymousreply 8210/19/2013

I have a lot of gay Latino friends here in the western U.S.

by Anonymousreply 8310/19/2013

STFU, OP. Start up a gay KKK organization and stay the fuck away from here.

by Anonymousreply 8410/19/2013

My white privilege card is expiring soon. Does anyone have the renewal address handy?

by Anonymousreply 8510/19/2013

I don't have many gay friends that are minorities. But then I'm one of those gay men that has mostly female friends. And most of my female friends are black.

Not sure if that's odd, but for background I grew up and attended college in the deep south. My high school was probably 50/40/10 (white/black/Hispanic).

I have no racial hangups with dating, although I was traditionally one of those that would say I didn't find Asian men the most attractive. But then I moved to California for grad school and I saw the light. I think being around what at times could be majority Asian crowds, I realized how limited my experience had been. I actually remember having this moment when I was like: OMG these men are gorgeous, what was I thinking?

by Anonymousreply 8610/19/2013

Why is it different in Britain? Black people there are always likely to be paired with a white person and hang around white people. And there is no black British accent.

by Anonymousreply 8710/19/2013

[quote] no black British accent.

Visit Brixton.

by Anonymousreply 8810/19/2013

I've posted this experience on DL before, but for the purpose of this thread, I will repeat it:

I'm black and made good friends with this white guy on my job. We had everything and I do mean *everything* in common -- both early 40s, both gay, both love the theater, etc. -- and so we started hanging out (nothing sexual, just friends) and this continued even after he quit our company to work somewhere else. All was fine between us for quite a while until one night another black friend of his -- a guy he'd been friends with for years -- went along to see a movie with us. Upon meeting me the other friend was exceedingly cold to me and barely spoke a word to me when I tried to make conversation with him prior to the movie (he and I both got to the theater before my friend did). Realizing he had no interest whatsoever in conversing with me, I finally gave up and left him be until my friend arrived.

The next day I called my friend but he didn't pick up, so I left him a voice mail. Never heard back from him, so I waited a couple days, called again, and left him another message. Never heard back that time either. Eventually I realized I'd been dropped as a friend, though with no explanation and knowing I had done nothing wrong. The only sort of "reason" I've ever been able to come up with on my own is that my friend's other black friend -- who, upon reflection, did give off a vibe like he saw me as some sort of threat, bizarre as that was -- made it clear to my friend that he did not want me in the picture, causing my friend to choose and of course that meant I was toast. Silly, I know, but given nothing else bad ever happened between us, that was the only conclusion I could reach.

Maybe I shouldn't but I still think of it as a loss as we were such good friends and should still be to this day.

by Anonymousreply 8910/19/2013


That's very bizarre. Do you think the other friend of his pretended you said or did something awful before your friend arrived? The fact that he wouldn't even speak to you again suggests some kind of unforgivable act.

by Anonymousreply 9010/19/2013

That's a South London accent, r89, not a black British accent. Either that or Carribean or West African accent. But black people in Britain have the same accent as white people in their region.

by Anonymousreply 9110/19/2013

R90, is this you?

by Anonymousreply 9210/19/2013

[quote] Carribean or West African accent

But that filters through to Black Britons of those descents.

Some white britons even imitate black british accents to appear "down".

by Anonymousreply 9310/19/2013

No, r93, this is...

by Anonymousreply 9410/19/2013

Interesting R56 as I once knew two black brothers, both of whom were gay as it turned out, one of whom was gorgeous, and the other average looking. I found the latter a more interesting person and easier to talk with; I am white and wanted to sleep with neither of them.

by Anonymousreply 9510/19/2013

R91, that's a good question. Not one I can answer obviously, but a good question indeed.

Though it did hurt me for a while, I eventually got past it and moved on. If a person wants to end their friendship with me over nothing, and with not even a whiff of an explanation, then that just tells me he has serious issues that are completely unrelated to me (particularly if that issue involves being manipulated by some overly-possessive person who's resentful of all the other friendships in his life). Plus, if there's one thing I've come to learn in my 48 years, it's that people are truly fucked up, each of us in our own way, so there's no point in crying over it anymore. You just go with it.

by Anonymousreply 9610/19/2013

r8, r3 was just being honest and you want to shun him?

by Anonymousreply 9710/19/2013

I have a Mexican friend and a Cuban gay friend.

by Anonymousreply 9810/19/2013

It won't take that long for the minorities to become the majority.

by Anonymousreply 9910/19/2013

I'm a GWM and I basically have two gay friends: A) a white lesbian, and B) a black man who is the closest I've ever come to having a brother.

My straight friends are a sickening kumbaya coven of multi-culti Benetton print ads. Granted, I'm lucky; I've traveled, I've attended elite schools, I've been going to brain camps since middle school. Color has just never been an issue -- what I care about is whether or not you're smart.

by Anonymousreply 10010/19/2013

Does staff count?

by Anonymousreply 10110/19/2013

All Americans are racist. Its the cultural conditioning growing up in a country where race is the basic social paradigm (though not the only one of course).

by Anonymousreply 10210/20/2013

[quote] Like I said before, American white gay men are racist and very subtle about it.

[quote] R71 the way I see it…. I don’t think it’s silly at all. IMO, the majority of them are racist (a few are extremely obvious, the rest are subtle about it).

So R66 which is it? Some, many , all, few, majority...

You do realize that statements like "American white gay men are racist" it that kind of thinking which one would generally attribute to racists?

Is your point that as a group white gay males are more racist than other groups? Or that a great percentage of white gay men are racist than other groups?

Or is your point that even in 2013 racism, heterosexism, sexism, ageism etc... still exist across all demographic groups?

by Anonymousreply 10310/20/2013

Friends? Whatever on earth for?

by Anonymousreply 10410/20/2013

And now we turn to the part of the thread where the unappointed spokespeople for 'people of color' will educate us on how it's impossible to be racist against white people.

I hope you folks save these responses as Word docs on your PCs so you don't have to retype them for each thread on racism.

by Anonymousreply 10510/20/2013

The thing about R3's post that intrigued me is that you can switch out the word "minority" with "gay men" and have a representation of what many straight men say about us. They want to avoid friendships and contacts. We would find that homophobic and wrong.

by Anonymousreply 10610/20/2013

I'm in Philly and my best friend is half black. I have friends of all different colors and ethnicity here.

by Anonymousreply 10710/20/2013

lol r102

by Anonymousreply 10810/20/2013

I'm a biracial guy who looks white. So I don't even get token status as an "evidence of liberalism and diversity of acquaintanceships."

by Anonymousreply 10910/20/2013

Well, I'm white so let's see...

Of my best gay male friends, 3 are black, 1 is Hispanic, 4 are white.

Until now I didn't realize I have no gay Asian best friends, whch surprised me because I have many good Asian friends. But they're all straight.

by Anonymousreply 11010/20/2013

Jesus Christ...I'm a minority who's basically an all around mix of many ethnicities and I have to say that all of this chastising white gays who don't have a certain number of minority friends is just idiocy. People are real, their experiences are real and just as valid regardless of race and social status, they are NOT tokens to be collected in a meaningless game of Monopoly (the White Guilt Edition)and white friends are not some prized gold coin that minorities can hopefully be chosen to be worthy of. Also, to people like the OP and R49, the white messiah/savior complex is not a favorable look. Notice how a lot of the minority posters on this thread have a live and let live attitude and aren't imposing some arbitrary guidelines on white gays. Racial relations aren't perfect, but they are consistently getting better, and I suspect that they'll do fine without the bitching of some posters who need to fill some void in their lives by taking up the fight of "the poor pitiful colored people's".

by Anonymousreply 11110/20/2013

I'm a 28 year old GBM, originally from South New Jersey but moved to NYC when I was 22.

In my small suburban area in NJ I was one of the only black kids in my middle school and high school. I never heard anything slanderous towards me about my race. I was an "oddball" and didn't quite fit in with the "in crowd" but I think that had more to do with my personal interests and demeanor than it had to do with my skin color. My small group of friends in HS were skater punks and were all white. I never was made to feel different or like I didn't belong.

When I moved to NYC I did notice the segregation within the gay community but I also feel like the standard lemming Chelsea/Hell's Kitchen crowd is much more segregated than the more alternative/hipster gay scenes.

My best friend now is white. Russian American, in fact. He is honestly the best person I've ever met in my entire life. So open-minded, considerate, kind-hearted and thoughtful. I truly feel blessed knowing him. Given the stereotype of Russians being cold, mean and rude he obviously bucks all those negatives and proves that stereotypes are essentially worthless.

by Anonymousreply 11210/20/2013

RE: All Americans are racist. Its the cultural conditioning growing up in a country where race is the basic social paradigm (though not the only one of course).

Speak for yourself. Broad based statement cannot fit all people.

by Anonymousreply 11310/20/2013

re: 113.

The issue is not whether whites are "prized" but whether they bother befriending people of color, especially if they live in a diverse city. Good for you that you happen to have diversity in your life, it's not quite the same for everyone else. You yourself said that things are improving, so why can't we talk about it? You sound like a regular Uncle Tom.

by Anonymousreply 11410/21/2013

I made a really good white friend recently and now he's leaving to move to another city. Makes me sad. He was such a cool dude.

by Anonymousreply 11511/09/2013

Lol r116, I've never "bothered" to befriend anyone. That is not how friendship develops.

by Anonymousreply 11611/09/2013

Half my friends are black and half are white. Of my two very dearest and closest life-long friends, one is black and one is white.

I live in DC so it would be ridiculous if I had no black gay friends.

by Anonymousreply 11706/07/2014

Visible, huh? Well written.

by Anonymousreply 11806/07/2014

Visible minorities! Where is Miss Grammar to explain this mess?

by Anonymousreply 11906/07/2014

Are invisible minorities really, really white, or just albinos?

by Anonymousreply 12006/07/2014

I can't get enough of riding big rican dick but I have to say I have none that are friends. All of my friends are white. R3 is right in many of their points.

So some big black dark meat can do me on a blow up air mattress in some ghetto apartment but we can't be friends. It would ruin it.

by Anonymousreply 12106/07/2014

So r123, you're basically a whore for minorities?

by Anonymousreply 12206/07/2014

Well. Yeah.

by Anonymousreply 12306/07/2014

Read The Invisible Man, irony and stupidity doesn't get this rich!

by Anonymousreply 12406/07/2014

I usually date minorities, and I am white. I am seeing an Asian guy right now. I don't seek them out ... it just happens. I do usually love Latinos, though.

by Anonymousreply 12506/07/2014

[quote]So some big black dark meat can do me on a blow up air mattress in some ghetto apartment but we can't be friends. It would ruin it.

Have any these guys ever wanted more than sex from you? If so, how did you tell them you weren't interested?

by Anonymousreply 12606/07/2014

I took a tally and half my gay friends are white, half are black.

I have gay Asian & Latino acquaintances but none of them are close friends.

by Anonymousreply 12706/28/2014

I have two Egyptian friends and one Algerian friend.

I have one black male friend.

Two Jewish friends, if you are including them.

I have several black female straight friends.

by Anonymousreply 12806/28/2014

Being friends with nonwhites is tough for whites who can't handle being looked at as whites. Or question what it means in real life instead of being non racist in the abstract.

by Anonymousreply 12906/28/2014

My friends are a mix, generally reflecting the world I live in, the people I am exposed to, and people who I have things in common with.

Of my friends, in general, the vast majority are white.

Of my close friends, about half my friends are white.

Of my gay friends, about 2/3 are white.

Who you have relationships with is a complicated thing. As a gay man pushing 60, I might feel challenged by someone questioning how many 20-somethings I am close to. Friendship is a two-way street, so even if some strange person decided they needed to apply quotas to their social life, it would be a stretch for them to expect others to sign up for it.

by Anonymousreply 13006/29/2014


by Anonymousreply 13111/18/2015

The majority of my friends are minorities actually.

by Anonymousreply 13211/18/2015

My best friend is black.

by Anonymousreply 13311/18/2015

All my minority friends are invisible. Like Jesus.

by Anonymousreply 13411/18/2015

I'm white, my best friend is Indonesian.

We're both gay.

by Anonymousreply 13511/18/2015

Most of my friends are visible minorities. However, none of them are gay. I don't know the reason for this.

by Anonymousreply 13611/18/2015
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