Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

Let's Pretend We're a Steven Spielberg Film!

By request.

by Anonymousreply 8210/20/2013

[all posts by racist flame bait troll removed, ISP notified with full text of all posts.]

by Anonymousreply 110/17/2013

I'm the plot hole, I am huge

by Anonymousreply 210/17/2013

I'm the pristine cinematography. Young viewers will be impressed by this.

by Anonymousreply 310/17/2013

I'm the child who will never die no matter how much peril I face because the director is too big of a pussy to kill me.

by Anonymousreply 410/17/2013

I'm the crap music by John Williams.

by Anonymousreply 610/17/2013

R6.

You're insane!

by Anonymousreply 710/17/2013

It's just bombastic shit. I like it on MacGyver, but not on a feature film

by Anonymousreply 810/17/2013

[quote]I'm the child who will never die no matter how much peril I face because the director is too big of a pussy to kill me.

He sure killed me.

by Anonymousreply 910/17/2013

I am the massive product tie-in.

by Anonymousreply 1010/17/2013

I'm Poltergeist.

by Anonymousreply 1110/17/2013

I heart R6

by Anonymousreply 1210/17/2013

I'm the fetishized innocence of children.

by Anonymousreply 1310/17/2013

I'm the MESSAGE. I'll be hitting you over the head for the next two hours.

by Anonymousreply 1410/17/2013

I tell you, Catch Me If You Can acted as therapy. And it's his only true good film.

Also, River Phoenix was raised in a cult. Make of that what you will.

by Anonymousreply 1510/17/2013

I am the inevitable Oscar nominations in the technical categories.

by Anonymousreply 1610/17/2013

Hahahahahahahahaha, R16.

by Anonymousreply 1710/17/2013

A am the merchandising deals that will bring in a billion-dollars in retail sales.

by Anonymousreply 1810/17/2013

I am the overweening piety.

by Anonymousreply 1910/17/2013

I'm Shug Avery and you sho' is ugly, hahaaa!!

by Anonymousreply 2010/17/2013

I'm the minority characters. We're sprinkled throughout the film in a way that feels forced because boss man wants to feel enlightened, but we'll never be the star.

by Anonymousreply 2110/17/2013

I'm chilled monkey brains!

by Anonymousreply 2210/17/2013

I'm the terrible actress who hopes to be the next Mrs. Spielberg.

by Anonymousreply 2310/17/2013

I'm the needless, last scene full of schmaltz.

by Anonymousreply 2410/17/2013

I am the angry but ultimately life affirming fuck the pain away scene in Munich.

by Anonymousreply 2510/17/2013

I'm "1941", a movie that shall live in infamy.

by Anonymousreply 2610/17/2013

I'm the "sense of childhood wonder" that audiences never fail to gush over. Tired and annoying as I am, you idiots just can't get enough of me.

by Anonymousreply 2710/17/2013

I'm Kathleen Kennedy, and few people know that S.S. is a wooden marionette that I use to front for my films.

by Anonymousreply 2810/17/2013

I'm the father issues. I always pop up in his films somewhere.

by Anonymousreply 2910/17/2013

I'm Harrison Ford's smirk.

by Anonymousreply 3010/17/2013

I'm the fucking gigantic moon.

by Anonymousreply 3210/17/2013

And I'm the 3-dimensional real life Nazi monster that lost the Oscar to Tommy Lee Jones playing a cardboard federal agent in an unremarkable mainstream thriller.

by Anonymousreply 3310/17/2013

I'm the gratuitous CGI added 20-odd years later.

by Anonymousreply 3410/17/2013

We're the obsession with boys-own adventure yarns that he still hasn't outgrown.

by Anonymousreply 3510/17/2013

I'm the schlubby baseball cap and jeans that became the new dress code for directors after him.

by Anonymousreply 3610/17/2013

I'm the third Chinese dancer from the right in the "Anything Goes!" opening number.

by Anonymousreply 3710/17/2013

We're the annoying precocious kids.

by Anonymousreply 3910/17/2013

I'm the uncanny knack for making gargantuan amounts of money.

by Anonymousreply 4010/17/2013

R48 Hitler didn't really care about Christianity. (nor do I)

by Anonymousreply 4110/17/2013

I'm the hundreds of millions of dollars this film is guaranteed to make.

by Anonymousreply 4210/17/2013

I'm the crappy old Plymouth Valiant that couldn't outrun a Goddamn tanker truck and couldn't make it up a measly hill without breaking down.

by Anonymousreply 4310/17/2013

Can we please have a "Lets pretend We're a Martin Scorsese Film" thread? That will epic.

by Anonymousreply 4410/17/2013

I'm the lack of grit and subtle emotional depth.

by Anonymousreply 4510/17/2013

On the contrary, R52, Hitler was a devout Catholic who gave the Vatican the most regular income it had ever had.

by Anonymousreply 4610/17/2013

I'm the ending. I don't know when to show up.

by Anonymousreply 4710/17/2013

R58 He wasn't particularly, religion was just one of the many tools he tried to use in his quest for power.

by Anonymousreply 4810/17/2013

I'm the underage white boy that is the protagonist of nearly my entire film oeuvre.

by Anonymousreply 4910/17/2013

I'm the rehearsed spontaneity in his Oscar acceptance speech. My date to the gala is the smug-yet-humble facial expression he's been working on for forty years.

by Anonymousreply 5010/17/2013

Hi! WE're triplets!

by Anonymousreply 5110/17/2013

I'm not a religious person anyway so I couldn't care less about your assumption that I'm a God-bothering red state dweller.

by Anonymousreply 5310/17/2013

I'm the mother losing control over her house in face of some invaders.

You saw me in Close Encounter of the Third Kind, ET and Empire of the Sun.

by Anonymousreply 5410/17/2013

I'm "Yi wang si-i wa ye kan duo Xin li bian yao la jing bao jin tian zhi Dao..."

by Anonymousreply 5510/17/2013

I'm Joan Crawford. Wondering if this litle gay boy with the rough trade boyfriend will make me look like a fool, in one of my final celluloid appearances.

by Anonymousreply 5610/17/2013

I'm Daniel Day Lewis, the epitome of a ham actor.

by Anonymousreply 5710/17/2013

I'm Dennis Weaver, helping this little punk make a name for himself on TV.

by Anonymousreply 5910/17/2013

R12, I too love R6.

by Anonymousreply 6010/18/2013

I'm the Oscars he should have won for "ET, Saving Private Ryan, and Lincoln".

Instead you'll find me on some shelf in England, on that fat fuck Harvey Weisnten's office, and being used by Ben Affleck as a dildo.

by Anonymousreply 6110/18/2013

Hon-bun, aka R74, Steve won an Oscar for SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. It didn't win Best Picture and I hear he was a pissy little bitch in the press room after that ceremony. Or he wouldn't even go into the press room that night. Something to that effect. Whatevskies. He should have picked up his graying labia and gotten in that press room. Nobody likes sour grapes, Steve.

by Anonymousreply 6210/18/2013

sorry R75, I meant SPR winning for best picture (so he could have a set)...

by Anonymousreply 6310/18/2013

I am the kid in the DreamWorks logo fishing from the moon.

I am just as pretentious as the movie that follows my appearance.

by Anonymousreply 6410/18/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 6510/18/2013

I'm the easy choices and lack of risks.

by Anonymousreply 6610/18/2013

Not funny, R70.

by Anonymousreply 6710/18/2013

I'm the overwhelming dripping sentimentality and a muse of mine is Norman Rockwell.

by Anonymousreply 6810/18/2013

Like R27, I, too, am "1941." I was directed by America's "National Treasure."

by Anonymousreply 6910/20/2013
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.