Gay Man Whose Best Friend is a Straight Man
I know a person like this. They're both attractive. They gay aspect doesn't seem to get in the way at all. They're both in their twenties.
I'm so used to gay guys have gay or female friends, at least as those they're closet too. Does anyone have a straight male best friend, or primarily straight male friends? Are you young or old?
So many gay guys grew up being picked on by straight guys. I think that's probably why they stay clear of them for the most part -- unless they're trying to convert a hot one, something that always disgusts me. Leave em alone! ;)
|by Anonymous||reply 114||04/18/2015|
I'm gay, 27, and my best friend is straight. We are from the same ethnic community so we have known each other since we were like 11. I honestly don't have any gay friends because all the gay people I met fell into the worst stereotypes.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||10/12/2013|
My best friend is straight. There's nothing he can't tell me and vice versa. I'm 22.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||10/12/2013|
Best friend is straight. We've been friends for over 30 years. We know each other's deepest secrets and shames yet.......... we are still best friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||10/12/2013|
My best friends in college were straight men. This was in the 80's. They were confident, relaxed guys who surprised me by being supportive when I came out. Great guys, one of them a Methodist minister's son. Their girlfriends, on the other hand, were a mixed bag.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||10/12/2013|
[all posts by tedious troll removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 5||10/12/2013|
R5, unless you were joking, that is the dumbest thing I have heard today (so far).
|by Anonymous||reply 6||10/12/2013|
Thank God we have insightful R5 to reveal the truth, huh?
My best friend is straight. We literally met in the sandbox as toddlers. He's more of a brother to me than my own brothers. I love him dearly, and so does the rest of my family.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||10/12/2013|
[R5] You are wrong. I have several straight male friends and we do share common interests and activities. The main exception is that they have no interest in having sex with men. Many straight men who are secure in their sexuality don't have a problem with gay men unless you try and convert them.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||10/12/2013|
Thanks R5, I didn't realize my best friend, who I've been alone with drunk countless times, actually wanted to get in my pants.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||10/12/2013|
My straight (and I do NOT mean "str8" or "bro" or "g0y" or "SASA" or any other synonym for "straight except when I'm sucking dick") best friend got married this year. I hear from him next to never now. He's also a brand-new lawyer who works 80 hours a week, and I've told him I get that, but I don't know if I'll consider us friends for much longer. It's not that big a deal; it's what happens. People move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||10/12/2013|
I was out with my 4 best guy friends last night--all straight. We're in our early 40s, and we are all closer to each other than we are with our own siblings.
None of them batted an eye when I came out--at 27. Two of them took me to my first gay bar and tried to play "love broker" for me.
I have some gay male friends, but have stayed as close with them.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||10/12/2013|
[quote]I honestly don't have any gay friends because all the gay people I met fell into the worst stereotypes.
Yet you choose to chat with gay men online.
There are many terrific gay men...if you're not finding them you need to look harder. Maybe they're avoiding you.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||10/12/2013|
My best friend Ken and I met in 1978 at the beginning of 8th grade. I was already being picked on for being less than masculine but he and I hit it off like gangbusters. We liked the same music (rock), the same movies (action, westerns, sci fi, and the same type of comedies). Not to mention our twisted sense of humor. The only thing we didn't have in common was who we were attracted to sexually. He is 100% straight, I am 100% gay.
We were inseparable through 8th grade and high school and we are still best friends to this day. I was his best man at his wedding. He's very open-minded and very secure in himself. I actually had two other straight friends in HS, which seems amazing because I was nowhere near butch.
There were two obviously gay guys in our small school. I liked them but I had nothing in common with them. They were into girly things that did not interest me. Ken has never looked down on me for being gay (and always put people in their places if they had a problem with it) and I have never looked down on him for being straight. That's just the way it is.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||10/12/2013|
I'm in my 40's, and all my life, all my best friends have been straight males.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||10/12/2013|
I stopped having "best friends" in grade school (my partner is my best friend) but I have several straight male buddies that I'm close to. I'm 45.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||10/12/2013|
R5 clearly has [bold]NO[/bold] friends, gay or straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||10/12/2013|
[quote]I'm so used to gay guys have gay or female friends, at least as those they're closet too.
WTF does that sentence mean? "those they're closet too"???
|by Anonymous||reply 17||10/12/2013|
R17, I didn't write that, but it's pretty obvious that's supposed to be "closest to"...
|by Anonymous||reply 18||10/12/2013|
OP, stop being so prissy and feminine. Many bi and gay dudes today are best friends with straight dudes. Watch some football tonight, and man up, bro!
|by Anonymous||reply 19||10/13/2013|
Well if it's any consolation my straight friend and I started to jerk off together a couple of weeks ago. I have known him for 14 years.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||10/13/2013|
[quote]Many straight men who are secure in their sexuality don't have a problem with gay men unless you try and convert them.
That's the key. Most of my straight friends...let's just say I wouldn't want to convert any of them.
However, my closest straight friend is very good looking but I always knew having any sort of crush on him would be idiotic. Anyway, he's more like a brother so the idea of sleeping with him seems funny and/or gross.
I actually resisted being his friend because he was so stereotypically straight, I thought we wouldn't have much in common, other than partying.
Truth be told, he's been a more loyal and honest friend than most of the others, male or female, gay or straight.
So, it's possible if you keep an open mind.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||10/14/2013|
I just tell my straight best friend i was gay and he was totally cool about it, he was a little speachless at the moment when I told him and thought I was kidding. But later after, he told me that he supports me and that nothing would change... I thought that everything was going to be awkward, but everything was so cool afterwards... He now even encourage me to come out to my other friends. I really trust and love him
|by Anonymous||reply 23||12/29/2014|
My closest male friends are straight. They not only accept me for who and what I am, they don't hold me to a standard that gay men hold one another to.
I can be myself and relate to them on a myriad of levels. I find it difficult to put up with and relate to the pseudo-sophistication and pseudo-intelligence, plus bitchy competitiveness that I find in most gay men. Actually, the only thing I really have in common with them is my attraction to men. Once I try to get past that "one note" there's not much else happening with them. .. Oh. And I love straight women. My relationship with them is what might be fun with another gay male friend. But the women are more accepting and sincere in their friendship. I've learned all this across a long time. I'm in my 60s. And quite content with how things have worked out. Especially with my partner of 30 years, who feels the same as I.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||12/29/2014|
I came out to a good friend at work (straight frat boy type) after he starting leaning on me a lot when he was going through his divorce at around 30 years old. He was very cool and we hung out a lot. He started to go out again after the separation. I met and liked most of his friends (mostly couples by that time). He got remarried and I never heard from him again. Prior to that, if I had ever wanted him to get together with my gay friends in NYC (we live outside NYC) just for pizza or else a straight pub, not going to a gay club, he would always cancel at the last minute. We don't see each other anymore. I don't regularly hang out with any straight guys anymore. Of course, I am friendly with straight guys, but keep my distance a bit now.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||12/29/2014|
It basically sucked that he could be friends with a gay man as long as the gay guy had no gay friends or boyfriends.
I really relate to the Golden Girls episode where Blanche's brother, Clayton, brings his boyfriend back to visit Blanche since Blanche has accepted that her brother is gay. But she only accepted it so long as he didn't date or have any gay friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||12/29/2014|
The first person I came out to was my closest (straight) friend. Over thirty years later, long, if unhappily, married with adult children, he comes out to me. I never saw that coming.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||12/29/2014|
There are straight guys for whom associating with gay guys it a total non-issue. Then there are straight guys who are 'cool' with gay guys but don't know what to do with themselves when something gay-related happens or comes up in conversation. They just go blank. I of course prefer the non-issue straight guys.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||12/29/2014|
26, and have several close het 'bros' I care for dearly, but I prefer female friends as my BFF's (though I only have 2 BFF's lol). Mostly because they don't get as uncomfortable if I'm talking detailed sex talk, particularly in relation to how good/bad someone was in bed! My het boys start squirming if I go there, and really I don't blame them. They just can't relate.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||12/29/2014|
Some gay men just want validation from the straight male community. They want to feel like they belong and fit in with "normal" people. The thing is, though, if he won't go to a gay bar/club with you, or wouldn't be okay with you bringing your boyfriend or other gays along for some other event, then he's not really a friend. I guess it depends on what everyone in the group's interests are.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||12/29/2014|
With their near-identical neural connectivity and cortical volumes to women, it's little wonder that gay men treat each other much as women do, with the additional competitiveness native to males. I love my fellow gay men as people but as friends, they've proven unsatisfactory compared to straight woman and (nonhomophobic) gay men. Just my experience though.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||12/29/2014|
R25 One of the few honest replies here. Unfortunately, too many gay men are too deluded to take lessons from your experience like that straight guys are true friends because THEY don't want to look at you eye to eye or that straight guys use gay men to accomplish goals.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||12/29/2014|
I meant to write "straight guys are NOT true friends..."
|by Anonymous||reply 33||12/29/2014|
I'm gay and my 3 best friends are straight. At first I thought my admission would change the dynamics of our relationships, but it hasn't. They all still call/text on a regular basis, wanting to hang out. And the most conservative of them has accompanied me to a gay bar.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those gay guys with zero gay male friends. It's frustrating, but I'm over it.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||12/29/2014|
My best friends used to be straight guys, however now a lot of them started settling down so it is easier to be friends with gay guys who still have a similar lifestyle to myself.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||12/29/2014|
R34 Liar. You don't look for gay men because you are afraid of being outcasted, being ridiculed and possible violence. You are fine being the pet gay.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||12/29/2014|
In my own case none of the straight men I considered close friends remained close after I came out.
However since coming out I have formed close friendships with straight men.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||12/29/2014|
Each of my Work Husbands were formerly homophobic (ex-marine, skinhead bodybuilder and college baseball player, respectively) until I jokingly desensitized them by treating them exactly the way they treated women. Each became a close friend in the process.
I grew up at an orphanage, have a cruel sense of humor and won't take shit from anybody. I think I bonded with a bunch of straight guys over those traits alone.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||12/29/2014|
R38 I'm sure you can walk on water too.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||12/29/2014|
R39 Sorry, that belongs in the "Gay Man Who Walks on Water" thread. This thread is titled "Gay Man Whose Best Friend is a Straight Man," which is what I posted about. This is why we can't have nice things.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||12/29/2014|
Almost all my friends are straight dudes. We're bros.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||12/29/2014|
R41 Do you hear cats and dogs talk to you?
|by Anonymous||reply 42||12/29/2014|
"With their near-identical neural connectivity and cortical volumes to women"
Uh, citation please. You sound a bit like an evo-psych MRA troll to me. You know, the one with all the icky girl/lesbian issues of late? And, more than one citation and from heavily vetted sources. Otherwise, your credibility ends now.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||12/29/2014|
I was best friends in high school with a straight guy, we were both social outcasts so we bonded over our mutual lack of popularity and became incredibly close in the process. We slept over at each others' houses every weekend, he was the first person I ever told I was gay, the first person I ever got drunk with at a party, he called me the night he lost his virginity to tell me all the details, I cried on his shoulder about my abusive family. We were teenagers, so we really had no cares other than each other, we even vowed to go to the same college, and embarrassingly we did. We became a running joke amongst those who knew us, so if one of us was seen without the other, people would immediately ask where the other one was.
In college though, things changed. He turned into an artsy hipster type dude and was suddenly considered really cool by the standards of the university community, so he made a ton of friends relatively quickly. We were roommates the first 2 years, but gradually I began to see less and less of him until finally going into our third year he said he didn't want to live together anymore. By then I had made new friends of my own (gay friends), and what we had in high school had long disintegrated so I wasn't as upset by the whole thing as I imagined I'd be. We don't even talk anymore, I made an effort to keep in touch but I could tell he really didn't care so I just gave up. In retrospect it's kind of sad, but I guess it was inevitable that our paths would diverge eventually, and they did.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||12/29/2014|
[R44], JUST REMOVE THE ASTERISKS
|by Anonymous||reply 45||12/30/2014|
OP, what year are you living in? This is not unusual anymore.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||12/30/2014|
My closest male friend is straight. Most people think we are a couple especially after a few drinks. It's more awkward for other people than it is for us.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||12/30/2014|
All through my teens, my 20s, my 30s, and my 40s, all my best friends were straight men. Yes, I came out in my teens (well, 18... being out in high school would have been literally deadly, so I came out the moment I graduated).
Now, as I am about to turn 50, it's still the same. My best, closest friends are straight males, and a few straight females.
I have a fair number of gay male acquaintances, but I'm not really close to any of them. More like "bar friends" or "party friends".
|by Anonymous||reply 49||12/30/2014|
I have only been close with one gay man. Most of my good male friends are straight. My best friend in life is Dan, have known he and his wife for 35 years. Dan had a gay brother and Kathy was a Bette Midler impressionist. We even roomed together before they married and they came back to live in my house for a year in order to save money to buy a house.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||12/30/2014|
My friends are almost entirely gay men. That's how I want it. I don't like women, and straight American men are essentially neutered douchebags.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||12/30/2014|
My best friend is straight. We do everything together. We go to dinner, movies, he lets me blow him. I tell him if he was gay I would marry him. Such a shame.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||12/30/2014|
My best friend is straight. I'm 67, and he's 60. We've been friends for 18 years.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||12/30/2014|
I have straight male and female friends and gay and lesbian friends. My best friend is gay, the same age as I am, and has been my friend since we were 22 and met at a party in Manhattan.
As I have gotten older I think the sexuality of my friends has become less important. Obviously common interests drives friendship and then loyalty. I'm still very close to my best friend from my teenage life. We live in different cities and have led vastly different lives. But we still love to ski, we both love animals, we are politically sympatico, and we each care about the other- health, happiness and work.
Friendships are probably the most important human relationships in my life.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||12/30/2014|
Yeah, of course it's okay for the straights to go on and on about sex, but the gays doing it is trashy. R51 is a major cunt.
And now the dumb bitch will say that she was talking about everyone. Uh, huh. I'm guessing she was raised in a strict religious home.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||12/30/2014|
In college my entire circle of friends was comprised of straight men. I was out in high school, so it wasn't like there was this big coming out moment with them 3 years into college. They knew from the start and were all cool.
Eventually they all began to get married and now I'm the only single one left in the group. We drifted apart and I find my group of friends, including my two best friends, to be made up solely of gay men now. (I'm 31, btw.)
Having had both sets I appreciate the qualities of both the gay and straight friends I've had, but if I had to choose I prefer the gay bunch.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||12/30/2014|
Wrong on all counts, R55. So you're apparently an uptight prude who makes really bad assumptions as well. Basically can't back up anything so just calls names.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||12/30/2014|
Yeah, it's very rare to find an understanding straight man, or an understanding person period, so it makes sense that you would drift apart from your college straights. I know of like a handful who didn't have "eww" feelings underneath their supposed acceptance.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||12/30/2014|
Well, I don't believe that R61. I was genuinely close with my straight male friends. No awkwardness there. I was in the wedding parties of several of their weddings and all that stuff.
I think it was just a change in lifestyle. They wanted to move to Westchester and Connecticut and I was still in the city living a single life. They are starting families and I'm still on grindr.
We had many common interests- all of us huge sports fans, but they liked the theater too- and there was NEVER an issue of, "don't bring so and so to a party" or "this topic is making me feel uncomfortable."
People just change and move on I think. The younger generation of straight guys are really wonderful though. Homophobia may not be extinct, but it IS successfully being fought.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||12/30/2014|
[quote]The first person I came out to was my closest (straight) friend. Over thirty years later, long, if unhappily, married with adult children, he comes out to me. I never saw that coming.
Interesting topic. So were any of you gay guys ever attracted to your straight friend at any point in your relationship?
I ask this because (I've noted this series on another thread and no, I'm not affiliated in any way with it), there is this VERY POPULAR web series running on YouTube called "G&T Webseries"
It's Italian with subtitles and very well done. Here's the synopsis; Two guys, very good friends since toddlers, grow up. One knows he is gay and attracted to the other but realize that there is no hope and continues to live his life. The other, (who is straight), wonders why he is always jealous when he sees his best friend with another guy. Bottom line, the straight guy realizes that he is not so straight and is in love with his best friend. The story goes from there...
I would think that such a relationship is hard. It would be the same as heterosexual men and women being good friends. It's possible but...
|by Anonymous||reply 64||12/30/2014|
90% of my friends are straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||12/30/2014|
I only have one straight friend. He's a huge fag stag, and I honestly forget that he's straight half the time. He's definitely bi-curious, at least, but won't quite admit it.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||12/30/2014|
I'm basically only friends with other gay guys. I immediately lose interest in someone when I find out they're straight. It's like we automatically have nothing in common. They might as well be from another planet.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||12/30/2014|
I used to chalk it up to the fact that I'm in the military, but even with DADT a distant memory I don't have any gay friends! There's one gay guy in Colorado whom I'm on friendly terms with, but he's thousands of miles away. And one of my best friends is a lesbian, but it's not quite the same.
I'm 34 and usually make friends quite easily. Yet it seems like I can never maintain friendships with gay guys. As a matter of fact, the only time I've ever had gay men in my life is when I was dating them. Guess that's what happens when you come out at 27.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||12/30/2014|
My best friend in high school up through my twenties was a straight man. I loved him, but I wasn't IN love with him and never thought of him in a sexual way. Just didn't.
Unfortunately, when I finally came out to him he dropped me like a hot potato.
Years later we reconnected - too long a story - but it's not the same and never will be.
He won't give me an honest answer about why he reacted the way he did, and I've given up wanting one.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||12/30/2014|
My best friend of almost 40 years is straight. We've been friends since grade school and he is like my brother. Yes, I've had a few fleeting "what if..." scenarios run through my head, but quickly shook those notions off. It would be like fucking my own brother.
He was the first person I came out to when we were in high school. His reaction? "Shit, dude... Even Helen Keller knows you're a homo! I don't give a shit, you're my friend but don't try to suck my dick, ok?"
|by Anonymous||reply 71||12/30/2014|
[quote]I'm basically only friends with other gay guys. I immediately lose interest in someone when I find out they're straight.
That's just beyond sad and pathetic.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||12/30/2014|
We have mostly straight friends. It is so nice not having to deal with the fucking gay man drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||12/30/2014|
[quote]Interesting topic. So were any of you gay guys ever attracted to your straight friend at any point in your relationship?
I have been -- because I'd seen him on TV many times before we ever met and thought "That's just my type" (he's a sportscaster).
A few years later we were on the board of a volunteer organization and got to be friends, then very good friends.
He finally met a very nice woman who also worked in TV and she took to me right away because she thought T's jock friends could get overwhelming... we could talk about books and outdoor activities.
It's been about 10 years, and we're closer than ever (to the point where I get invited to his parents' Christmas with their close family). And I know we would be totally incompatible as anything more than friends. But, yeah, I still am attracted to him, though I've never discussed it with him or his wife.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||12/30/2014|
ALL of my close male friends are straight. Some I have had for 20-30 years, some since grade school. I have some gay guy friends, but we sort of drift in and out of closeness, while my straight male friends are always there for me and we keep in touch.
None of them have ever had a problem with me being gay, and a few of them have gone to the gay bars with me over the years. Now I think we are too old to go to "da club" but some of them still want to go sometimes! They have always wound up picking up straight chicks....
|by Anonymous||reply 75||12/30/2014|
Straight males and even straight women also fall out of touch with friends and move on. When people start to have families they don't have as much time and need for friends and a lot of it becomes couples socializing, which is more the wife's friends usually. A lot of people are friends when they work and/or live near each other or are in school together and then it doesn't last. It's not always that they don't like you. But really they don't care that much and out of sight, out of mind for all but a few. If you didn't move they'd go out with you for another twenty years, but if you do they can forget about you. And b/c of family stuff it's hard to make friends in middle-age. I remember seeing my parents deal with all that stuff.
So a lot of the issues people are discussing here are not unique to gays. The distinctive part is the straights having kids and having that take over their lives until they are much older.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||12/30/2014|
Obvious junk science R45, the sample size was too small and you have to control for body height and weight in doing any study of brain size and blood flow. It's no different than phrenology - oh and the criminals are more likely to have a bump here (where the police are more likely to have hit them with a nightstick).
|by Anonymous||reply 77||12/30/2014|
I was initially attracted to my 3 straight best friends. I now look at them and see handsome men, but I could never imagine doing anything with them..
|by Anonymous||reply 80||12/30/2014|
Oh please, R80. If you presented their hard dicks to you, you would drop to your knees in a hot second.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||12/30/2014|
No, R79. Just ... not even.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||12/30/2014|
Conservative=stupid. That's what the Heterosexist Supremacy requires in "Friends."
|by Anonymous||reply 84||12/30/2014|
I'm 42, gay and married. My husband and I both have a mix of straight and gay male friends, always have. We have plenty of women friends too. I recommend it.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||12/30/2014|
I believe in keeping friends and lovers separate. I have mixture of straight and GLB friends (as far I know, no one my friends or lovers are transgendered) and ex-lovers who are gay men.
My straight best friend -- we have been the best of friends since we pledged the same fraternity in college -- once asked me if I ever thought of him in a sexual way. He wasn't coming on to me, he was just curious (I was the best man at his wedding and am the godfather to his eldest daughter). I told him that I keep friends and lovers separate. He was satisfied with the answer. The truth is that I am not sexually attracted to his physical type. More importantly, I could never imagine us a couple since we disagree about politics (he is a Republican, I am a Democrat) ... he is a gamer and I loathe computer games ... he and his wife have season tickets to the ballet which bores me ... he loves football and I love hockey, etc.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||01/01/2015|
My best friend is straight. I went out for New Years last night with him, his wife, and a few other folks. The bar was busy, but (thankfully) not packed. One of the bartenders, a handsome fit guy, was wearing low slung jeans, and when he would bend over to get beers from the bottom shelf, you could see the top of his butt. I was talking to my friend's wife at the bar when we both noticed this.
When it was time for my friend to refresh his drink, his wife told him he needed to switch to beer, and it had to be from the bottom shelf. He was confused, but went along with it. He figured it out when the bartender reached for the beer while I stared at his ass. For the rest of the night, my friend drank bottom shelf beers and took me to the bar with him when he was ordering. At the end of the night as we hugged good night, my friend whispered "we have to find you a nice guy for 2015 so you won't have to leer at bartenders".
He's my best friend because he's supportive, considerate, funny, smart, and we share a lot of the same interests. He just happens to be straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||01/01/2015|
All my closest buds are straight dudes. I just happen to bond better with them. I play and love sports and tend to make friends through sports. I have a hard time identifying with dudes that aren't into mainstream dude stuff.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||01/01/2015|
I will echo the not being into the stereotypical DL queen stuff. Was never picked on by straight guys. Came out later.
My problem, which I will only admit on DL, is I am head over heels in love with my best friend and need some sort of resolution.
I know he's straight and I am actually very close with his girlfriend. I love him like a brother, but if he said "marry me, I love you back" I'd be there in a heartbeat.
My problem is I judge the guys I date by the standard of what he and I have going on. How much our tastes are similar in terms of music, movies, TV shows, our outlook on life. How much we have a similar sense of humor.
I know my problem is that it somehow feels disloyal to let someone else replace him as my primary intimacy. But I also know that if I want to be happy, that's got to happen.
It sucks he's not gay: we are perfectly matched in every other way.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||01/01/2015|
I get that for a certain subset of gay men, it is difficult to find many other gay men attractive, I get that there are many hot masculine characteristics which many gay men lack and many straight men possess. But here's what I also get: gay men who lust after straight men are pathetic.
Here's what you need to do: first, realize that you live in a somewhat alternate reality where you perceive gay men to be feminine caricatures and straight men to be the masculine ideal. This is a false perception, and if you really explore the diversity of gay men you realize that it is. Also, you need to accept that the straight guy friends you lust after will never care about you in the same way you care about them. You see them as "your buds" but they see you as "the gay friend," don't think that your sexual orientation ever really leaves their minds, it doesn't. Straight men see gay men as a different entity from themselves, no matter how much of a "normal dude" you are or how hard to try to emulate them, the knowledge that you're gay will always place you on the other side of an invisible border.
R91 describes his straight friend as his "primary intimacy" while his straight friend's primary intimacy is his girlfriend. See the problem? The gay guy feels that his relationship with the straight guy is the most important thing in his life, when in reality it is built on a foundation of fundamental inequality. The straight guy gets to be #1 in everyone's world (both for the girl and the gay best friend) while the gay guy is #1 in no one's world. Once you realize this, you'll be able to move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||01/01/2015|
I don't lust over straight dudes generally, but my bros definitely tend to be heterosexual.
|by Anonymous||reply 93||01/01/2015|
R92 nailed it. And they are never, ever as intellectually perceptive. The domesticity kills it.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||01/01/2015|
I agree with R92 to a point: if the straight friend is someone you've known a long time, e.g. prior to coming out, then you are Bob or Mike or Steve, not "my gay friend." The love already existed and it's not going anywhere, but it's a fraternal love, not a sexual one.
There's a diversity of gay men but outside of big cities, most of the more masculine ones tend to be deeply closeted.
And FWIW, I have more straight friends than gay ones. The whole "your sexuality is what defines you" thing is very old school. Not saying it doesn't exist for a lot of people, but I think of it like being black. There are some people for whom the black friend is always "my black friend Dave." But there are just as many for whom Dave is just Dave.
Same with gay friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||01/01/2015|
The problem with having well-meaning straight friends is that they try to set you with their gay brother-in-law, best friend from high school, the guy from work etc.
I have have to admit that for the most part, these set-ups don't work on a romantic level; I have made several new gay friends that I was introduced to by straight friends.
I also met by present boyfriend on a blind date arranged by the wife of my cousin.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||01/01/2015|
I have good friends who identify as straight, love them. What's the big deal?
|by Anonymous||reply 97||01/01/2015|
But isn't that what they do with their single hetero friends too, R96?
re: R91 R92 - that happens with hetero best friends too: at some point one of them falls in love and the other one feels abandoned and more than a bit jealous. It's the plot of countless bromance movies.
So nothing to do with R91 being gay, everything to do with the nature of friendship vs romance. If R91 had found a boyfriend, I'm sure his straight BFF would feel similarly conflicted.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||01/01/2015|
My "lifetime" best friend is straight. We've known each since we were eight (35 now). I love him like a brother, and though he's attractive, I've never once thought of him in a sexual way.
My "adult" best friend is also straight, married. We have uncanny similar interests, make each other, talk daily. I also have zero interest.
Maybe I'm just lucky I don't find either attractive?
For the record, I also have many gay friends and a few very close female friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||01/01/2015|
R98, in those bromance movies, Bro 1 is jealous of the girlfriend because Bro 2 is now ignoring him and spending all his time with her. It's not because Bro 1 is secretly yearning to take the girlfriend's place. Also, Bro 1 is inevitably single, and the audience is supposed to believe that if Bro 1 had a girlfriend of his own, he wouldn't be so jealous because he'd be busy with her. Women are always the top priority for straight men, not other men.
If R91 found a boyfriend, his straight friend would just be happy for him. He has a girlfriend who is probably very busy with, he's not spending his time worrying about his friend's relationship status.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||01/01/2015|
I hear you R100 but I think there are plenty of situations where the straight best friend, girlfriendless, would be jealous of the new boyfriend. Same reason - he feels ignored.
Not enough info from R91 to make a solid judgement: without being crass, R91, do you whack off thinking about your BFF? Do you frequently fantasize about him dumping his girlfriend for you and what it would be like for you two to be a couple or is it just "I wish he was gay because we're so compatible." (I've heard straight guys say this about their buddies - they wish their bud was a chick because he'd be the perfect chick. In fact,I can hear Seth Rogan saying it in some Judd movie.)
|by Anonymous||reply 102||01/02/2015|
I'm not single now, but when I was, my straight friends were the WORST at trying to fix me up.
Of all my straight friends, there is only one I'd even remotely consider having sex with. Lots of other people have thought we had something going on over the years, because we are so close and affectionate, and he is extremely handsome. He is 100% straight, married with kids, but we have hugged and cuddled and seen each other naked, and tell each other details of our sex lives. He is an only child and I'm the brother he never had.
He even says if he was gay, we'd be together. I think his wife and my boyfriend realize that. They aren't jealous of our friendship, thankfully.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||01/02/2015|
Why the obsession with straight men?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||01/02/2015|
They are 97 percent of men, so why not.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||01/03/2015|
Most of my best friends are straight men; people I have known all my life as well as recent friends.
My biggest problem is maintaining friendships with straight women. I just can not seem to do it.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||01/03/2015|
Maybe it's because I came out late (early 30s) but all my good friends are straight. I don't have a lot in common with other gay men and I'm not interested in forging a friendship based on sexual preference alone.
Most of those friends made the transition with me: we became friends when I was "straight" and coming out didn't change that. We have history, we have similar interests, they are like family.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||01/03/2015|
All my close male friends are straight. It just happened that way.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||04/12/2015|
Most of my male friends are and always have been straight. I no longer have a "best friend," but for about 20 years, my best friend was straight. We told each other everything. There was nothing I didn't know about him, nor he me. We traveled together, slept in the same bed. We were as close as brothers, and I loved him like one. He got married, and that was the end of that. I don't know if he just started putting his energy elsewhere, or if his Christian wife just didn't like me. Now, I see him maybe every few months at most for a quick breakfast before work, and, although we're friendly, it's not the same, and I regret the loss of friendship from one of the greatest guys I've ever met.
|by Anonymous||reply 111||04/18/2015|
My closest two friends are both straight dudes. I don't like the drama that comes with having women as friends (and even more drama with gay guys). They're cool guys, very loyal, very supportive. The nice thing about straight dudes is they are very up front with what they are thinking and feeling- which is usually just one little thing at a time. It's nice. Never ever had sex with them and never would want to - they are like brothers.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||04/18/2015|
Yeah, I can't stand cattiness or bitchiness in men. My bros are very chill, laid back, and easy going. Also, they tend to be very upbeat, instead of the cynical nihilism and irreverence I find among so many gay dudes.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||04/18/2015|
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GAY !!!
|by Anonymous||reply 114||04/18/2015|