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What do I do with a friend who is DEEP in closet?

He talks like a queen. He is 45 and still lives with a roommate (a girl). His fave shows are Project Runway and Top Model but he doesn't seem to think he's gay. I'm very attracted to him and I flirt with him but he is in deep denial. What do I do?

by Anonymousreply 5810/15/2013

Fuck him, Rose.

Fuck him violently, without lube or preparation.

That'll make him love you and accept his utter gayness.

Really, it will.

by Anonymousreply 110/06/2013

Go into the back with him and hope you both end up in Narnia.

by Anonymousreply 210/06/2013

OP it is really none of your business. You can't control someone else behavior.

If he wants to remain in the closet, that is his choice.

Move on.

by Anonymousreply 310/06/2013

Watch the Kevin Kline film IN AND OUT together next week-end.

by Anonymousreply 410/06/2013

Surprise anal of course!

by Anonymousreply 510/06/2013

Lock the door, lose the key and keep your distance.

by Anonymousreply 610/06/2013

4 Beers

by Anonymousreply 710/06/2013

R4- it's probably his favorite movie. Seriously.

R3- you make a good point. I should follow your advice.

by Anonymousreply 810/06/2013

Project Runway is no proof, it wouldn't have been able to stay for so many years without a lot of straights watching, even a lot of straight males. My straight brother loves it, and my nephew also watches, although I think it's mostly because his wife likes it. Two of my 3 sisters, both straight, are also big fans.

by Anonymousreply 910/06/2013

Project Runway doesn't make him gay, just someone with bad taste.

Which probably makes him gay.

by Anonymousreply 1010/06/2013

I don't watch Project Runway or Top model. Does that make me straight?

by Anonymousreply 1110/06/2013

Turn off Blurred Lines and go for a walk OP.

by Anonymousreply 1210/06/2013

Ignore R3 OP, the stick in his ass has yet to be removed.

by Anonymousreply 1310/06/2013

r3 = Kevin Spacey

by Anonymousreply 1410/06/2013

R13 & R14 are you saying you can control someone else's behavior?

What advice would you give the OP?

by Anonymousreply 1510/07/2013

In my experience and observation, bringing someone out of the closet always ends in disaster.

Let him come out when he is ready.

by Anonymousreply 1610/07/2013

No, more like r1 = Kevin Spacey

by Anonymousreply 1710/07/2013

[quote]I'm very attracted to him and I flirt with him but he is in deep denial.

RUN FAR AWAY. You are a fool if you pursue this freak.

by Anonymousreply 1810/07/2013

Coming out of the closet is a serious matter. Some of you are so heartless. Sad.

by Anonymousreply 1910/07/2013

What do you want to do with him? Just fuck with him? If so, probably leave it alone, he'll be more trouble than it's worth. If you want to be Mr. Right, then give it a try.

by Anonymousreply 2110/07/2013

R20. Friendless tool.

by Anonymousreply 2210/07/2013

Just walk away, Renee.

by Anonymousreply 2310/07/2013

Leave him be. He's a grown man. Respect his choice to live the way he does.

by Anonymousreply 2410/07/2013

Surprise anal

by Anonymousreply 2510/07/2013

He's 45. He's "damaged goods." You can't make him better. Even when he does come out, he'll be a particularly juvenile kind of idiot, the kind who gets in trouble with rent boys and drugs and ends up losing everything. You have to face facts: some people never grow up.

by Anonymousreply 2610/07/2013

Either be his friend as he is, or walk away.

If he's 45 and closeted, he ain't coming out until someone dies (probably his mom).

And it doesn't matter how physically attracted you are, a person who is still in the closet late in life is, in many ways, like dating a 19 year old.

He'll have a lot of, Am I really gay? What do I like? identity questions that most of us figured out in our twenties.

If you really think this is THE ONE, perhaps you can hold his hand through all of that, but chances are he may not pick YOU.

The questions you need to ask yourself, OP, is this: Why are you picking a man who's essentially unavailable? Is it the first time you've done that, or do you always pick a closeted, married, or otherwise out of reach man and fall for him? Are you afraid of a real relationship with someone who's accessible?

by Anonymousreply 2710/07/2013

He's NOT in deep denial and is sexually active with many men he finds desirable..you're just not one of them OP.

by Anonymousreply 2810/07/2013

You're still interested in playing "is he or isn't he"? sounds like a waaaste of time.

by Anonymousreply 2910/07/2013

Tell yourself that R28 but it's not true.

by Anonymousreply 3010/07/2013

If he was into you, he'd do it.

But he just isn't that into you.

by Anonymousreply 3110/07/2013

[quote]Coming out of the closet is a serious matter.

No one said it isn't. It was very serious for me when I started the process at 19 in 1988.

30 is the absolute latest age for anyone to be closeted these days. By that point you've had well over a decade to come to terms with your sexuality and make the kinds of life decisions that go along with living an honest and open life.

A 45 year-old isn't some scared kid dependent on fundie parents. He's a middle aged man who presumably has the intelligence and means to deal with his sexuality like an adult. Cowering in fear over your sexuality at that age is just pathetic.

by Anonymousreply 3210/07/2013

Sometimes, when I watch him on television, Brian Williams stares straight through the camera and into my eyes. What should I do to help bring him out of the closet?

by Anonymousreply 3310/07/2013

R27 gives some very wise advice. Follow it, OP.

by Anonymousreply 3410/07/2013

Exactly @ R32.

by Anonymousreply 3510/07/2013

Introduce him to a like person. At least they won't be lonely.

by Anonymousreply 3610/07/2013

Perhaps he's just not that into YOU and doesn't want to come out to YOU.

by Anonymousreply 3710/07/2013

More info:

I'm married to my partner who I've been with for 15 years.. It's an open marriage though I almost never take advantage of that. I'm not hoping to be Mr Right. I'm not even hoping to fuck him. I'd just like to kiss him a little bit. I think he's incredibly adorable.

by Anonymousreply 3810/07/2013

I'll also add that he texts me all the time and wants to go a lot and I've made it clear that I love him but he just won't come out. I have to accept that it's just a friendship but that's hard.

by Anonymousreply 3910/07/2013

Buy more hangers.

by Anonymousreply 4010/07/2013

Go where a lot?

by Anonymousreply 4110/07/2013

Movie, High line, my place, other fun NYC things.

by Anonymousreply 4210/07/2013

Leave him there and move on. What CAN you do?

by Anonymousreply 4310/07/2013

I heartily endorse what R18 says.

by Anonymousreply 4410/07/2013

[quote] I'm not hoping to be Mr Right. I'm not even hoping to fuck him. I'd just like to kiss him a little bit. I think he's incredibly adorable.

So, you're willing to take what may be this man's first gay sexual experience - his first tentative steps into the gay world - and make it all about you and your needs, which apparently involve being a dicktease and having people perform for you when you're bored with your husband?

And you said you were FRIENDS with this man? I would beg to differ on that point.

by Anonymousreply 4510/08/2013

I don't have to be bored with my husband to want someone else too. I'm not bored with my husband at all. I'm attracted to lots of people. Always have been.

by Anonymousreply 4610/08/2013

That wasn't my point, OP/R46.

If you follow your attractions, that's fine. If you're in an open relationship, great.

But not everyone is on the same page as you.

I'd hope you'd have the sense to show your friend some sensitivity. But I'm not hearing anything about the impact your actions would have ON HIM. All I hear is "I want, I want, I want."

Camper's law, OP. Leave the campsite in the same shape you found it. Do no harm.

by Anonymousreply 4710/12/2013

And some people need a little "harm" to get over their fear and hysteria.

by Anonymousreply 4810/12/2013

Just leave him alone and let him live his life. I'm not thrilled with people hiding in the closet but it's their lives. I keep my nose out of it and let them come out on their own terms when/if they are ready.

The only people who should be publicly outed are those politicians (and religious leaders) that work against us, while playing 'poke my pooper' in airport restrooms. If your friend is comfortable in the closet, so be it. Maybe he was raised in a gay-negative environment and feels a lot of guilt. Give him time. I know he's 45 but it's not your place to push him out of the closet.

by Anonymousreply 4910/12/2013

Grow up

by Anonymousreply 5010/12/2013

CALL HIS JOB AND OUT HIM TO HIS BOSS AND THEN CALL HIS PARENTS AND ALL HIS FRIENDS. OUT HIS COWARDLY ASS. THE CLOSET CANNOT BE TOLERATED IN THIS DAY & AGE. FUCK HIS PRIVACY. HE'S HURTING THE GAY COMMUNITY (AND LYING TO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT HIS CHICKENSHIT MAMBY PAMBY ASS) BY HIDING IN THE SHADOWS OF SHAME.

by Anonymousreply 5110/12/2013

[quote] And some people need a little "harm" to get over their fear and hysteria.

Uh, no.

Also, not for you to decide.

by Anonymousreply 5210/12/2013

OP, you have a partner...leave your "friend" the fuck alone. That last thing he needs to do is to be lured out of the closet by some selfish asshole who's looking for a good time. What happens if he has feelings for you and you're not willing to leave your partner? Typical Chelsea queen.

by Anonymousreply 5310/12/2013

Well said R53 IF this guy is happy in his life leave him the fuck alone. IF they were such good friends I think he would have told him by now.

by Anonymousreply 5410/12/2013

You're the one who needs to "grow up" R50, which your dime story ten year old's "ethics."

by Anonymousreply 5510/12/2013

Come out and tell him you want to do him.

If he freaks out, end of issue.

by Anonymousreply 5610/12/2013

he's just not that into you

by Anonymousreply 5710/12/2013

Your friend maybe in the closet but you're the one conflicted. You're married though open, you find him adorable but don't want to fuck him. You want to kiss him and be regarded as more than just a friend. So why is it so important that he comes out? I'm confused. You're either looking for a pet(a new love) or a pet project. My advise, if you want something that's adorable and would like to kiss then get a puppy.

by Anonymousreply 5810/15/2013
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