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I Know This Grocery Clerk

Trader Joe's at Bway and 72nd Thurssay around 1:00. His name is Ian and I am in love. A young, young, young man with a sweet, sensitive face. Quite thin. A little facial hair. Before I had a chance to chat him up, HE started to chat ME up. (I'm sure all his customers get this this treatment.) Since I had a fair number of groceries, I was able to ascertain that he's a college graduate, his mother makes homemade spanakopita and that he lives at 110th and Madison with his dog and, alas his girlfriend. He warm and guileless, like the boy next door in an earlier time. Here's my question. If I were the kind of guy who did that sort of thing, do you think he'd let me suck his no-doubt-beautiful dick for a couple of hundred bucks? What if I wanted to rim him, too? He must need the money; Trader Joe's can't pay that well. Please advise, in case I inherit some dough before the next time I go shopping.

by Anonymousreply 6110/05/2013

He's barely half your size and yet he will crush you. I say go for it and then wear a disguise in TJ's if he says no.

by Anonymousreply 210/04/2013

Dude, I am so going to bust you. I'm gonna post s photo of this guy for DL to dissect. I'm in TJs twice per week, Classic!

by Anonymousreply 310/04/2013

That reminds me. There are a couple of hotties at the Columbus/97th St. that I have my eye on.

by Anonymousreply 410/04/2013

Why use his name OP? He didn't ask for this attention?

by Anonymousreply 510/04/2013

That reminds me: I saw an attractive man a while ago too. I wonder whether I could have paid him for sex. It was on Madison in the low eighties.

by Anonymousreply 610/04/2013

Well, this is the dreamiest romantic thread I've seen in years.

In fact it's a bodice ripper.

Let us know the most intimate details of you assignation!

by Anonymousreply 710/04/2013

You are disgusting for giving so much information on the kid. You are a sick fuck. He probably feels bad for your sorry ass.

by Anonymousreply 810/04/2013

I second r5.

Very uncool.

by Anonymousreply 910/04/2013

r5. I posted his name in case any other DL-ers wanted to check him out. He's, as I said, a very affable fellow.

by Anonymousreply 1010/04/2013

yeah I think this thread should disappear. Bad enough OP is a desperado stalkerella. Much worse to give out enough detail that anyone could track him down.

by Anonymousreply 1110/04/2013

I want to know how one can chat up a grocery clerk. Because I have one I want to ask too.

How do you go from Hello stranger to can I suck your cock, in 2 minutes, all the while straight people are line behind you? Should one have a business type card made up with phone number and sly saying on it so one can slip it discreetly to grocery clerk while you are making payment (for the grocery I mean)?

by Anonymousreply 1210/04/2013

This will end up with OP behind bars...

by Anonymousreply 1310/04/2013

I have someone like that at my local Whole Foods. He works in the seafood department. He shucks my oysters and then I go eat them. Wish he were my oyster.

by Anonymousreply 1410/04/2013

OP, see what you've done. It will get even sillier and "dastardly". That guy does not deserve what you've created.

by Anonymousreply 1710/04/2013

Chill out people! There is no "Ian" at said Trader Joe's. This is Every Stalker's Tale, disturbingly lurid as it may be.

by Anonymousreply 1910/04/2013

OP, buy a dildo and some Ambien, have a nice dream!

by Anonymousreply 2010/04/2013

110th and Madison? So he's black?

by Anonymousreply 2110/04/2013

no thanks! I don't date men wearing diapers

by Anonymousreply 2210/04/2013

R15 "Internet Rape"? Now you're just making shit up.

by Anonymousreply 2410/04/2013

I understand, OP. I remember the first time I saw my boyfriend George Glass.

by Anonymousreply 2510/04/2013

[R24] ok, so I got a little overly dramatic ( 2 glasses of red), but no need to get all Henry Higgins on me

by Anonymousreply 2710/04/2013

Roger Octopus is ALL over this thread.

by Anonymousreply 2810/04/2013


by Anonymousreply 3010/05/2013

Dot dot dots? How quaint.

It's an ellipsis, r29.

by Anonymousreply 3110/05/2013

And this is exactly why I don't talk to strangers.

by Anonymousreply 3310/05/2013

Can't you take some $2 bottles of wine and shitty chips to a bathhouse and reenact this boring scenario with some meth queen who will finish what you start?

by Anonymousreply 3410/05/2013

Mothers who make spanakopita don't name their son "Ian."

by Anonymousreply 3610/05/2013

R36, they do if it's short for Ianpopacockoulos

by Anonymousreply 3710/05/2013

Try A well-timed "Yum!", OP--I hear it works wonders.

by Anonymousreply 3810/05/2013

Wear your sexiest caftan.

by Anonymousreply 3910/05/2013


Aren't ellipsis parentheseis? I'm too lazy to look it up?

by Anonymousreply 4010/05/2013

I know this grocery clerk, unprepossessing...

by Anonymousreply 4110/05/2013

Oh, bless your heart, R29/40.

by Anonymousreply 4210/05/2013

Sure, r14. I know your type. A quick shuck and off you go and never call him again.

by Anonymousreply 4310/05/2013

[quote] one should be subjected to Internet rape!

Oh good God, go play on Tumblr.

by Anonymousreply 4410/05/2013

Honestly, OP's story sounds like the intro scene of a Law & Order SVU episode. In the next scene, Ian is hog-tied in a bathtub, naked and with eyes glazed like a goldfish swimming upside down.

by Anonymousreply 4510/05/2013

This is absolutely disgusting! OP you make me sick! What happened to the days when you could blow a straight boy for free?

by Anonymousreply 4610/05/2013

Oh, come on... Who hasn't ogled the cute new boy at TJ's?

by Anonymousreply 4810/05/2013

Well Webmaster...

by Anonymousreply 4910/05/2013


Ok i sobered up enough to look up ellipsis, you were right (bow with a flourish). You are a learned fellow.

Vous etes tres gentil...

by Anonymousreply 5010/05/2013


Don't tell me what to do...a census taker once told me what to do...

by Anonymousreply 5110/05/2013

Well, hell .. has anybody checked yet? We don't have this sort of intrigue out here in the flats with our one Safeway.

by Anonymousreply 5210/05/2013

Who are all hysterical ninnies ruining OP's silly post? Even if there *were* an Ian at Trader Joe's, what harm would come to him for being the subject of an unpopular thread on an obscure forum?

And r51 - are you posting from 1992?

by Anonymousreply 5310/05/2013

But oh boy, oh boy can this boy foxtrot.

by Anonymousreply 5410/05/2013

Internet rape! How do we suggest this to the Michfest hogs as a workshop topic for next year?

by Anonymousreply 5510/05/2013

Has no one considered that this was written by Ian himself who wants to make money getting his dick sucked, but not pay rentboy for an ad?

by Anonymousreply 5610/05/2013

"Dot...Dot, what a girl I got."

by Anonymousreply 5710/05/2013

Yes, that would be brilliant, R57. He needs a code word or phrase, though. How about these:

--Does this store carry Red Dragon cheese?

--Are frozen turkey meatballs on sale?

--Which aisle for Duke's mayonnaise?

--Is all the chicken free range or is some of it "cage meat"?

by Anonymousreply 5810/05/2013

Oops, meant to say R56 (not R57)

by Anonymousreply 5910/05/2013

Seriously OP? I would be so creeped out if I were him and knew about this thread!

Go get a life OP before you get a restraining order

by Anonymousreply 6010/05/2013

Is Roger Octopus the same as Roger Octopus Network?

by Anonymousreply 6110/05/2013
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