Sharing food at a restaurant
We were at dinner last night, a group of us, and my friend poked his fork into my plate of pasta to try some - we weren't sharing, I didn't say it was OK, and I found it pretty gross. "Yum! Looks good!" and into my plate he goes.
I picked at my meal for the rest of the night and didn't get it to go. And I still ended up paying $22 for my entree...which went untouched because he started eating off my plate.
Not the first time this has happened with him, but I never said anything, BUT this morning I got a text asking if I didn't like my food or wasn't feeling well - sorry if you didn't have fun! He said. So I replied...Actually, not to be rude, but I have a thing about germs and you ate from my plate. Maybe it's me, but it's hard for me to eat after that.
OK. Cue the derangement -- this guy is a friend mainly of my partner but also me. He has called me twice on my mobile phone and left me a message at home asking me to call back immediately, he can't believe I wouldn't eat after his sharing it, aren't we good enough friends to have discussed this (?) and I wish this were an EST but it isn't. He has also now emailed my partner (we're g chatting about it now) and is flipping his shit about how rude I was not to ever tell him of my "OCD" prior.
Yes this sounds bizarre but somehow DL seems like jsut he forum to rant about this PATHETIC scenario! WTF...
|by Anonymous||reply 87||11/15/2013|
[quote]OK. Cue the derangement
Honey, the derangement started when you wouldn't finish your dinner.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||10/03/2013|
[quote] And I still ended up paying $22 for my entree
Assuming that amount includes tax and tip, there is only one conclusion that can be drawn: Olive Garden. So really, who gives a fuck?
|by Anonymous||reply 2||10/03/2013|
I always ask if I can sample first.
That was rude of him but this is growing awfully dramatic.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||10/03/2013|
The fact you didn't stab him in the hand with your fork means you do not deserve food.
Ayn Rand said it's so.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||10/03/2013|
You were in the wrong here, OP--not about not wanting to share, but about not telling him in the moment, but by letting it become something bigger and then trying to absolve yourself of it all by saying "not to be rude." I would not want someone eating off of my plate without saying something, this would be a much bigger deal if I were a germaphobe, admittedly. In any case, you owed it to this person to either say something at the time that it mattered or holding your mouth shut period. Now you have cut off this person's ability to apologized and have publicly humiliated.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||10/03/2013|
He's obviously feeling guilty and probably will never do that again. The question is, do you and your partner still want to be friends with him? If so, forgive him and move on.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||10/03/2013|
Twenty-two dollars for spaghetti??
|by Anonymous||reply 7||10/03/2013|
What, R1? Who just starts eating off anothers' plate? Unless you're a couple and share the food regularly. One bite is bad enough but he kept eating off of his plate?
|by Anonymous||reply 8||10/03/2013|
Why did you wait so long to say something? You could have confessed your feelings at the dinner table, no?
|by Anonymous||reply 9||10/03/2013|
R8, OP didn't say he kept eating off his plate.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||10/03/2013|
[quote] I wish this were an EST but it isn't
That's unfortunate for you.
Although the guy should have asked first, your reaction at the restaurant and apparent refusal to call him back even a day later qualifies you as the Datalounge Mother of All Marys. Seriously.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||10/03/2013|
I would have immediately said "You just ate a fatty piece that I spit out!", even if it wasn't true, he'd never touch your plate again.
Dude sounds like a handful, is he cute? Otherwise, there's too much drama and no reason to put up with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||10/03/2013|
OP, it's a wonder anyone would want to go out to dinner with you at all. Get a life.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||10/03/2013|
I have had that problem so I've learned. First and foremost always offer to put it on their plate. If they still go for the plate then I just tell them that it's not them, it's me and that I'm neurotic.
That said I think it's so fucking rude.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||10/03/2013|
I'm with you on this, OP.
He may not have directly spat in your food, but he did slather his fork with spit and jab it into your food. That's just nasty.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||10/03/2013|
I once made this big plate of homemade potato pancakes for my dad. He wasn't a big eater so most of them were going to be frozen for him for a later time. A neighbor dropped by and said what smells so good so of course we invited him to sit down and have some. I put a plate out for him and a knife and fork. He took one pancake, ate it then took his fork and stuck it into every other pancake on the plate before choosing two more to eat.
My dad and I just looked at each other. Later as he was leaving we that we wrapped the rest of the pancakes up for him to take home. He didn't have a clue, just commented, that's great! Not even thank you.
What a pig. We never invited him to our home again after that or offered to take him out to eat which we had done before this. He never said anything and neither did we. I always wonder if he figured it out. I'm sure not.
I could never eat after someone put their spitty germ filled utensil or fingers in my food. This is why I would never eat from a bowl of nuts on a bar or anything in public that causes people to lick their fingers and put them back into the bowl or causes them to double dip.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||10/03/2013|
While I would never do what your friend-in-law did, and just dig my fork into your plate, I am certainly glad I am not your friend, or even a friend-in-law, because I wouldn't want to eat out with you.
You probably slime your hands with sanitizer every five minutes. Nothing is grosser in everyday life than slimers and slatherers. Germaphobe, stay home.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||10/03/2013|
I don't know, R8, who passively sits by as someone sticks a fork in their food if they're so germaphobic?
|by Anonymous||reply 23||10/03/2013|
OP, I understand your frustration.
I'm not a big fan of people eating off my plate either. Doesn't really bother me if they grab a french fry with their fingers. But I don't want them sticking their fork into my food.
One thing I had to learn was that other people can't read my mind. I had to tell them that's how I feel.
It's your responsibility to let people know you don't want them eating off your plate. Speak up and tell people. IF you don't, then no one is to blame but you.
Sulking about it is unproductive and is now leading to this bad situation you're engaged in.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||10/03/2013|
That happened to me with a friend. He said my dish looked good and just dug in his fork. I'm not a germaphobe so that didn't bother me but I did say,"Were you raised in a barn? You just don't do that. Here, give me your plate." So I gave him a good sample.
When I have Chinese with friends, we always share. My partner doesn't like to share, and that's fine with us.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||10/03/2013|
That's so totally rude. You don't just pick off someone's plate. I'm not a germ freak but it would gross me out too. He should have asked, then you could have pushed a little on his plate. That's what my friends do.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||10/03/2013|
God, OP. Just answer his call and say in a good-natured way that you're just not into sharing food. Tell him all is forgiven, that it's cool he didn't realize this about you. Then laugh about it and move the fuck on.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||10/03/2013|
Wow, the friend sounds like a pice of shit.
Punch & delete.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||10/03/2013|
Instead of pouting like a little Bitch, you should have said something right away. You must be one big ol pain in the ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||10/03/2013|
I'm more than willing to give someone a bite, but they it is polite to ask first.
People are getting over the top with all this germ stuff. I regularly dine with a group of friends. One passes hand sanitizer around, another wipes the utensils with a disinfectant wipe, they poke through and examine their food before eating, a real bunch of kooks in this area.
One of them has had filters put in all the shower heads to filter "salt" in the water. He is afraid the salt will affect his blood pressure! I tried to explain to him that one must ingest sodium for it to affect bp. Also that people bathe in salt baths and salt water to reduce fluid retention. Really! I just allow them to go on.
Oh, and OP, you are a Mary with drama seeking friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||10/03/2013|
I totally agree with (R27)
|by Anonymous||reply 32||10/03/2013|
Is your friend retarded? Is he 5?
Who doesn't know that's rude?
|by Anonymous||reply 33||10/03/2013|
[quote] Not the first time this has happened with him
I think that is the key. If you've never stopped him before or developed strategies to deter him, then he had no reason to stop.
You're now in that very difficult (but common) situation of being at odds with one of a group of friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||10/03/2013|
I have a friend that likes to share everyone's food. He's a big foodie who likes to taste everything, but who always asks first, moves cleanly from plate to plate, and offers a piece of his dinner in exchange. It wouldn't be annoying, except that he won't take "no" for an answer. If you say that you're fine with your dinner and don't want to trade bits, he'll keep asking and asking.
And OP, your friend knows he's been a boor and has been called on it, and doesn't know how to cope with the guilt.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||10/03/2013|
I'm not a fan of sharing food.
I've picked what I want to eat - and really don't have an interest in what other people have ordered.
But come on - if you've let the guy do it before you really can't blow up this time.
What I don't understand is why you just didn't have your partner, his friend. say something to him before now?
To be honest your concern about germs if ridiculous.
I suggest you apologize.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||10/03/2013|
WTH? There is NO excuse for that person's BIZARRE restaurant behavior!
I'd have been tempted immediately to switch plates and say "HERE, if you want it so much!"
|by Anonymous||reply 37||10/03/2013|
Wow. OP, just out of curiosity, are you celibate? Sex must be a difficult issue for you.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||10/03/2013|
OP, I agree it is NOT okay to just shove your fork into somebody else's food, unless they asked first or were invited. Rude and disgusting. Mostly just fucking rude. I can't believe idiots on this thread are defending the behavior of somebody who has no manners whatsoever. Gross.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||10/03/2013|
We have a friend that always wants to share his food and will randomly shovel bits of it onto your plate without asking!
|by Anonymous||reply 40||10/03/2013|
Rude for him to just dive into your food without asking first. Rude! Rude!
I have gotten fed up with going out to eat with a group of friends who are cheap and want to 'split' everything. And tough if you don't like what they order. It's no fun any more and I just don't go out with them. I want to relax, order what I want and not worry about only getting a dab of it, due to the insane splitting thing. I know: Flame away.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||10/03/2013|
I'm with you, R41, though Chinese is something some people think of as splittable by definition.
Get new friends, or go out with one friend at a time.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||10/03/2013|
Yes, I agree: Chinese and Thai food are splittable; no problem.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||10/03/2013|
Dramatic, op! Gawd, let it go.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||10/03/2013|
Make a big show of digging in your nostrils, finding a choice nugget and wiping it on the rim of your plate. Even if you have to fake the whole thing. That should keep anyone from stabbing at your plate.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||10/03/2013|
LOL. You sure can learn a lot about people by cooking with them or eating out with them. Some people are food sharers and some are not.
I'm kind of with the OP on this one though. I have a close knit group of friends who eat out together often and we joking refer to ourselves as "team diners." We're huge food sharers BUT we don't assume everyone else is into that as well nor do we just stick ours forks in anyone else's plate uninvited.
You want gross OP? I have a very gross in-law who was known for shoveling her half eaten food back onto the "family style" platter so "it doesn't go to waste." Now THAT'S gross.
She was...corrected. You might want to do the same but obviously not to those extremes.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||10/03/2013|
I don't think anyone is defending the food stealer. Most of my friends love to try what others are having but always, always ask first. Sometimes, we even order two things we both want so we can "go halfsies". To not ask first is just plain rude. But to act like it's the end of the world, not pick up a phone and be light-hearted about it is ridiculous.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||10/03/2013|
Chill out R44.
After all, you eat old people's excrement.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||10/03/2013|
this shows a great lack of politeness.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||10/03/2013|
OP, you're both MARYs and have more baggage than a Samsonite factory. To break it down:
1) Your failure to say anything when the friend grabbed food off your plate, followed by your after-the-fact text informing him of his faux pas, demonstrates both your fear of confrontation and a severe tendency to engage in passive-aggressive behavior. The correct response would have been a lighthearted, "Hey, that's *my* food, you bitch," comment as soon as his fork first landed on your plate. Absent that, the second-best response would have been to avoid responding to his text altogether, and then *casually* bringing up the matter the next time he tried it. But no: you had to take the worst possible route to addressing it. Btw "not to be rude" is roughly the equivalent of "I'm not a racist, but...": both are BULLSHIT PRECURSORS to you doing something that's very MUCH racist or rude. And yes, it was VERY rude of you to respond the way you did. I can only assume you've never owned pets, because otherwise you'd know that you don't discipline a puppy for peeing on the rug by smacking him on the nose the next day; it leaves him bewildered as to what he did wrong. You have to discipline him IMMEDIATELY AFTER if you want him to learn.
2) As for your friend: PUNCH AND DELETE [bold]NOW[/bold]. He sounds like an Alex "I will not be IGNORRRRRRED!" Forrest type on hair-trigger alert, ready to melt down into a babbling mess of MARY! at the slightest inclination. The fact that your partner is friends with this hot mess to begin with doesn't speak well for him (your partner), or for you, since it further implies that your partner is one of those drama magnets most of us despise.
To be clear, there was nothing wrong with your initial reaction. I don't like people eating off my plate, either. Your failure was not *acting* on your initial reaction and nipping the problem in the bud.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||10/03/2013|
Things like that bother me too, but I would have said something at the time. And then I'd just eat around the section that he touched. Not worth sulking about all night.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||10/03/2013|
People have asked me if I want to try some of their food, and I always refuse. I will put some of mine in someone else's plate if they want to try it. I have never had anyone, even a member of my family, take something off of my plate uninvited.
People have different feelings about germs etc. - you would have been within your rights to say something or just slide some into his plate.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||10/03/2013|
Olive Garden? It costs 22?
I must be so fortunate.
Learn to cook if you can.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||10/03/2013|
[R41] There is nothing at all wrong with your attitude, but if you enjoy spending time with these people otherwise you could speak up about the food splitting bothering you. Personally I hate it and always refuse. I'm a vegetarian and if they order something with meat, I won't eat it; and on the other hand, if that's what they want, I don't want to keep them from ordering it because of me.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||10/03/2013|
What about those people who reach for the loaf of bread brought to the table, grasp it in one hand and cut off a slice for themselves - the only slice, by-the-way, that they didn't manhandle. Yuck.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||10/03/2013|
How do YOU handle that, R58?
|by Anonymous||reply 59||10/03/2013|
[quote]We were at dinner last night, a group of us, and my friend poked his fork into my plate of pasta to try some - we weren't sharing, I didn't say it was OK, and I found it pretty gross. "Yum! Looks good!" and into my plate he goes.
Here is your choice, OP: Either address this issue with the friend because, if this person is truly a friend, the honesty is important; or continue to either suffer with your silence which, in effect, would bring an end to the friendship.
You're right that it is gross. But it is also rude. It's nothing you want hanging over you. So do something about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||10/04/2013|
If you are such a germaphobe, why are you eating out with chefs dripping sweat in your food and all those different people touching your plate?
|by Anonymous||reply 63||10/04/2013|
OP you are a fucking priss. Get over it.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||10/04/2013|
ok OP, this is what you should have done, at the time, to exorcise your demons and walk away clean.
As his fork went into your plate and he remarked upon how good your food looked, you should've seized the plate, stood up, and with your cutlery, scraped the lot onto his plate. As you did so, shouting really loudly, "ok you greedy, disgusting cunt, you like it so much, you eat it, fucking all of it. And pay for it. You think I can touch it, now your filthy, spit-laden fork has defiled it with your body fluids ? You think I want you touching my food ? Or that you can stick your fork in, uninvited ?"
But you didn't. Now you're just being passive aggressive and a bit of a dick. Tell the guy it's your issue running into what he thinks is an ok way to behave, and that it disgusts you. Then go out and rim a stranger.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||10/04/2013|
I'm weird about that too, unless it's my partner. If I see someone looking at my plate, I always say "here, try some" and cut them a piece which I then put on their plate. Problem solved.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||10/04/2013|
You should have ever so casually stabbed him with a steak knife, OP. He would have gotten the message eventually.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||10/04/2013|
You bitches attacking the OP are uncouth sows.
He 's not in any way, shape or form in the wrong. Furthermore, he had the manners not to cuss that fucking rude piece of shit for his bad manners.
And the "friend" is STILL being a rude, thoughtless, self centered cunt who's making it all about him.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||10/04/2013|
Germphobe or not, unless it's someone you're involved with or family, it's disgusting and rude for someone to just stick their fork into another person's plate.
He should've asked and then you could've just pushed some onto his plate.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||10/04/2013|
Yes, it's rude to stick your fork on someone else's plate without asking... no one is defending the guy for doing that.
However, OP is totally passive aggressive and sounds like he just likes to bitch. If you didn't say anything when it happened, you have to take some of the blame, especially since you said this isn't the first time its happened.
And if you're that much of a Germaphobe, you would have already had ways to deter people from doing such things. I think you're making it up just to be a bitch.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||10/04/2013|
You wish you had friends to go out to dinner with, OP. An Enthralling, but Spurious Tale.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||10/04/2013|
Who knew DL has so many filthy boors who dig into other people's plates without asking? Their defensiveness doesn't make it right. I agree with r68 and probably would have behaved exactly the same as the OP. I wouldn't know how to tell a secondary "friend", in front of other people, to not stick their fork in my food without sounding rude. And I wouldn't bring it up unless asked, which is exactly what the OP did. I'm fine, however, with people pinching fries or nuts with their fingers, but that's a whole different kind off food.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||10/06/2013|
Lol, nobody over the age of 10 says, "Yum," except for morbidly obese women.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||11/14/2013|
How dare he Eat Someone's Tasty pasta?
|by Anonymous||reply 75||11/14/2013|
I am with the OP - how dare anyone presume to just eat off my plate? Simple fucking manners to say "may i?"
I would be super apologetic if it were me in his (the other guys) position. All this time I was being rude and not caring about your feelings...
He is a fucking psycho. It goes to show you never tell people the truth tell them what they want to hear.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||11/14/2013|
Rock on R68 and R76. OP was genuinely shocked and his dignity probably kept his mouth shut after that. If you decide to never talk to this rude dude again, you have my approval!
|by Anonymous||reply 77||11/14/2013|
OP and others defending this priss-Miss must have grown up in the Deep South where they make an art of "manners" and react like passive aggressive twats if anything disrupts their Aunt Pittypat ways. Get thee to your fainting couch ladies.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||11/14/2013|
R78 = "Im not hungry, I'll just pick at YOUR plate!"
|by Anonymous||reply 79||11/14/2013|
OP, get one of those expanding forks (looks like an antenna) and reach for your friends' meal from across the table the next time you must dine with him.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||11/14/2013|
Notwithstanding that some weirdo should not have just started eating off another's plate, germaphobes are the worst. They are generally quite dull and stupid people that don't realize that every millisecond of their lives they are being invaded by a multitude of the millions of bacteria, germs, etc. that surround us. There is nothing these morons can do to control it. An entire industry has been made for germ obsessed idiots by companies touting cleaning products that do virtually nothing. Purell is particularly loathsome, and is actually dangerous.
But whatever. We all laugh at people like you, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||11/14/2013|
If someone other than my partner ate off my plate, they'd be invading my space and property. Germs is not the primary issue.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||11/14/2013|
Grow a pair you pissy little bitch. He who eats ass shouldn't be concerned about a friends fork touching his pasta.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||11/14/2013|
No, we don't ALL laugh at people like the OP, R81. Purell was recommended by my doctor. We're told by the health profession to wash our hands frequently and before eating. I keep Purell in my car and in my purse.
It's rude for someone to help themselves to another person's plate of food. Women will sometimes do it with a boyfriend without asking and it's wrong but a man doing it is just plain weird.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||11/14/2013|
Pick another problem you have. This one is ok, but I bet you can do better.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||11/14/2013|
I'm a sharer. I will happily dole out samples from my entree. I'll even swap entrees with you, if you find yours to be disappointing. Mainly, I do that for my very closest friends. But I would never, ever take food from someone else's plate without an invitation. I won't even ask for a taste, I wait for it to be offered. I find your friend's behavior to be disgusting. You should have educated him, though. A simple "whoa, I'm not a good sharer" said in a humorous way gets the point across.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||11/15/2013|