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Writing off half of your family.

Growing up I wasn't close to my Dad's family with the exception of two of his sisters (he was child 7 of 9 and he's the only one to have died,) and two of my first cousins, I lived next door to one of his older sisters and his youngest sister was always one of my favorites.

As an adult I’ve seen them at various holidays, reunions, and other family events the invitation of which usually got passed on to me from my father, after his death the invitations came through his last wife (my mother passed in 2004) who the family kept in constant contact with.

The invitations stopped coming for her when she started dating again last year, I also stopped getting invited to these events. Well, with the exception of once when someone asked where I was and I and I received a hasty phone call halfway through the gathering. I did not drop everything to attend. And when his youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer I never would have known had I not been trying to get in touch with the other of my “close aunts” on the day of the surgery to remove the tumor.

In 1984 My father built a cabin by the river on what was my grandparents property, the older of the two aunts built another about 200 yards away two years later. She was a widow with a 12 year old daughter and this became her home.

After my mother died my Dad decided to move to the cabin full time and after he married my step mother added on an addition of an 18x24 living room turning the old, small living room into a formal dining room and providing them with enough space to hold holidays with my newly acquired step siblings and their families. After my father’s death my step mother continued to live there, she is marrying in February and as the cabin now belongs to me I was considering spending weekends there as it’s only about 10 miles from my house.

Some way or other the property where the cabins sat ended up in my Aunt’s name after my grandparents died. Daddy had ownership of the cabin, but not the land on which it sits. He somehow ended up with a plot of land a little under a quarter mile away.

My father’s siblings, especially the older aunt mentioned above began to hate my stepmother when she started dating, I figured if there was going to be any trouble it would have occurred then.

Fast forward to yesterday, my aunt asked if I could stop by for lunch today she wanted to talk about a few things, I figured it had to do with my stepmother, but surprise, surprise, when I got there to discover my youngest aunt there as well and that my older aunt and her husband plan on serving me with papers for the cabin to be moved before the new year. They kept attempting to site their unhappiness with my stepmother as the reason, but honestly, she’s lived there for a year and a half without them doing any such thing, why would they want her and the whole fucking house out by new years eve when she’s remarrying six years later.

by Anonymousreply 3910/01/2013

Sorry, She's remarrying six weeks later.

They kept trying to convince me that I should just sell it to the man who owns the adjacent property (a man whom my father despised) so that moving it would be his problem and it wouldst have to move but a few hundred yards etc. I was distressed, but would not let it show. They know that I've had some medical issues lately and that what insurance wasn't coving is killing my disposable income and savings.

Now I’m stuck with a dilemma, either sell something that’s a huge part of my childhood that has great sentimental value or borrow the money to have the cabin moved about a quarter mile or so to the plot of land that actually ended up in my father’s name.

I also have to deal with how to tell them to go to Hell when I get this all sorted out. I have a feeling that their sudden membership to the Baptist church a few years ago has a lot to do with this. I suppose they were happier with my stepmother and her boyfriend/fiancé living next door then they were with the idea of a faggot spending the weekends there.

My new year’s resolution is to never speak to any of them again. Not that they’d notice.

I should also mention that the way that it was constructed, the addition will have to be removed and the house taken as two separate pieces.

by Anonymousreply 109/29/2013


by Anonymousreply 209/29/2013

Well, I'm exhausted .

by Anonymousreply 309/29/2013

Why would your father build a house on property he doesn't own?

You should ask your Aunt if you can buy the property the cabin is on

by Anonymousreply 409/29/2013

tl; dr

by Anonymousreply 509/29/2013

Christ, talk about word diarrhea!

Learn to end a fucking sentence, dude!

by Anonymousreply 609/29/2013

R4, I have no Idea exactly why it happened, I was kinda 3 when it happened. I only know that when he built on that addition I asked about the property issue and it was going to be resolved. he died two years later and nothing was resolved. It's funny really, everything that I was ever worried about going wrong with all of this has done exactly that.

by Anonymousreply 709/29/2013

We wrote off my father's extended family a long time ago. They're all ignorant racist assholes, with only a few exceptions. I haven't seen any of them since I was 18 (thirty years ago).

While my parents are close to my mother's extended family (they're all college educated at least), I cut them all out years ago (around 2000) because they're all republican morons, and I just can't stand being around religious conservatives.

So really, I keep in contact with one cousin, and my parents. That's the extent of my contact with "family" at this point.

by Anonymousreply 809/29/2013

OP, have you spoken to a lawyer?

Maybe you have a valid claim for the property, since the house has been there and occupied for such a long time?

by Anonymousreply 909/29/2013

Honey, it's going to take you a novel to write your family off.

by Anonymousreply 1009/29/2013

R9 I'm checking first thing Monday.

R10 I feel the need to give too much background.

by Anonymousreply 1109/29/2013

Try to tell a chronological concise story that makes any sense before asking for advice let alone sympathy. I can only imagine the real story from the other side if this is your nutty side.

by Anonymousreply 1209/29/2013

Yes OP check in with a good real estate attorney.

You do have options, which is great.

When my father died I was involved in a 3 1/2 year family trust case because I'm the gay one who has no kids, a good job, etc. Family members too often will try to fuck us over.

I feel for you. I hope you weren't alone when you went to your Aunt's home and found the whole gang gathered to deliver the blow. What cunts.

by Anonymousreply 1309/29/2013

Have an attorney offer an exchange of the plot your father owns for the plot the cabin sits on.

Wasn't that simple?

by Anonymousreply 1409/29/2013

As was said upthread check with a lawyer. You just might have an easement situation here, which could work to your advantage. Best of luck.

by Anonymousreply 1509/29/2013


First thing: This is not family you can trust. Their behavior, before the stuff about the land, demonstrated it.

Second thing: Deal with the legal stuff, preferably with use of an attorney who can be the middle person -- who will be the one to get back to you on whatever the relatives communicate -- and you will be better off.

Third and last: Once this is all settled, make certain these relatives cannot contact you. Be officially -- and permanently -- done with all of them.

by Anonymousreply 1609/29/2013

W&W for R10.

by Anonymousreply 1709/29/2013

R10 had a great way of putting it. It's no wonder R17 recommends a "WW." But there are people who just don't catch on until years later. OP will have to deal with some shit - the business part of the family drama - for a while longer. But there will come a time when it that ends. By then, any kind of family connection should be truly over.

by Anonymousreply 1809/29/2013


by Anonymousreply 1909/29/2013

Good luck, OP. These people sound truly insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 2009/29/2013

Get a lawyer.

I haven’t talked to ANY relative, other than my mom, in 2 years. It’s much better this way.

by Anonymousreply 2109/29/2013

Without a flowchart this didn't happen.

by Anonymousreply 2209/29/2013

OP, sorry people are such ADD shits, unable to read anything more than 2 sentences. I feel for you. I wish I knew what can be done, and hopefully it will all resolve to your benefit. Talk to your stepmother. Get lots of information from her. She seems to be on your side.

At some point, you should write a letter to your aunts, on account that you used to be close. They are being unnecessarily hurtful. I think you should mention that you've spent your life feeling affection for them, or love, or whatever is true for you. And how it hurts the way they've treated you with so little regard. Writing those letters will be cathartic for you. It won't change that they tried to screw you, but it helps you move on and not have a stuck place inside you.

by Anonymousreply 2309/29/2013

Clearly fraud OP. Your aunt stole your daddy's land through some kind of title fraud and that's why they never invited you to anything. You need to go through your father's records very closely. They probably assumed he was communicating with you when he wasn't.

by Anonymousreply 2409/29/2013

My cousins are all supersmart but rude and stubborn with highly selective memories. They are all very well off but think of themselves as poor and have a huge chip on their shoulder all the time. Some of them used to be grotesquely fat whereas I wasn't and now that I've put on weight they make references to my appearance whenever I see them - which bothers me, because back when they were fat I would have had to be boiled in oil before saying anything to them on that subject.

by Anonymousreply 2509/29/2013

Talked with my Stepmother today, she wants me to sell it and split the profit. I'll get no assistance from her.

by Anonymousreply 2609/29/2013

If the cabin has been there forever - and added to - there'll be a right of way or encroachment or some such... no way they can make you move it.

by Anonymousreply 2709/29/2013

This thread is useless without FamilyTreeMaker.

by Anonymousreply 2809/29/2013

What - what is a cabin?

by Anonymousreply 2909/29/2013

My mother's side of the family are almost all sociopathic assholes. I try to avoid them as much as possible but you can't truly cut them off because they've managed to alienate all they're so-called friends, all they have left now is family.

by Anonymousreply 3009/29/2013

OP's last post was about Okies in the Dust Bowl. You'd never know it, because when it reached DL, the whole thing played on a torpedo boat!

by Anonymousreply 3110/01/2013

You need to check with a lawyer.

I'm blanking on the legal term - it's not an easement - for situations where the owner of the land gives up rights because they've knowingly let someone else build or use it without making any attempt to claim ownership.

The real question is whether you want to spend the time and effort. Or maybe the aunts are hoping that you won't and they will win by default.

Legal wrangling within families often takes years, often becoming the only basis for any ongoing relationship. As they say to hoarders, the item isn't the memory. This cabin is not your father or his memory. Don't hang on to it and go into financial and emotional debt.

by Anonymousreply 3210/01/2013

Fuck me hard, R32....I think I'm in love with you

by Anonymousreply 3310/01/2013

I've written off my ENTIRE family except for my Mom and Dad and brother whom I wold take a bullet for. The rest can eat shit.

I never knew either of my grandfathers as they abandoned my their respective wives when both my parents of my parents were kids....can't say I blame them,one of my grandmas was totally detached and obligatory cipher and the other was a total CUNT. When my dad's mother died his reaction was:

Oh...that's too bad. And then he had ice cream.

As for my ancillary family, aunts,uncles,cousins etc they can go FUCK themselves to hell.

My immediate family and I are moving out of state soon and we are leaving the relatives no forwading address,no new phone number, no anything...we're just going to disappear.

by Anonymousreply 3410/01/2013

Damn...sorry about all the typos!

by Anonymousreply 3510/01/2013

Agreed with R32 up to the last point. There may come a point where it makes sense to give up on the idea of holding on to the cabin, but that point hasn't arrived.

Right now it's heirs squabbling over what their ancestors did not lay out clearly. Yours would seem more or less on equal footing with that of your relatives, so don't give up for the sake of keeping them happy (that's a battle already lost and unlikely to be reversed whatever you do.)

The option presented by your relatives is what they would have you believe is your only option. That's likely not the case, however. Talk to a lawyer who can advise on what the likely outcomes are and what the associated expenses to you might be.

Your late father's second wife, the family animosity, the branches of the family tree...that's for your novel, not the courthouse. Legally, it's not half so complicated as your explanation.

Once you decide on a course of action, tell your good aunts that you don't have the time nor the legal knowledge to attend to it yourself so you've put the matter in the hands of your lawyer.

by Anonymousreply 3610/01/2013

OP, I wrote off your post about two paragraphs in. Clarity is your friend.

by Anonymousreply 3710/01/2013

OP, I feel your pain. I only speak with my mom - my 'dad' hasn't spoken to me in 35 years.

Dear old dad gave all his money/house to my other brother (hetero with 4 kids and bitch of a sister).

Neither sibling stuck up for me or attempted to include me in the will, etc.

They can all go fuck themselves.

by Anonymousreply 3810/01/2013

Serve you with papers? What the hell does that even mean? Your aunt is BSing you and trying to intimidate you.

Get a lawyer and make sure your "family" isn't trying to screw you. Do what serves your interests best and don't worry about what they want or what kind of "papers" they serve.

If they confront you about it just tell them that these things are always complicated and it's best if the legal system figures it out. This will also make it clear that you don't trust them or their motives. They clearly don't care about you so it's not like you've lost anything.

by Anonymousreply 3910/01/2013
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