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Tasteful Friends, Jeffrey Parker Offers You A Crotch Shot

Lovely bedroom, but the two over-weight dogs would never let you fuck in it.

Books - some stacked, some vertical.

Man of a certain age (as am I); there is brass&glass, some crystal, some Ralf(sic) Lauren, and some Deco.

Money shot:

[quote]When you have a very clean, contemporary apartment, it looks brilliant and then the minute someone walks in and moves something, you have totally disrupted the order of the space.

by Anonymousreply 6009/29/2013

Those rooms aren't 'designed.' They're decorated. Rather boringly too.

by Anonymousreply 109/27/2013

What an insufferable bore.

by Anonymousreply 209/27/2013

Of course I think it all hideous.

by Anonymousreply 309/27/2013

The crotch shot was the most interesting element in that residence. Oh, and I did like the blue walls.

by Anonymousreply 409/27/2013

R4 - the blue walls had some sort of finish - like a faux finish of some kind.

This is not decorating - a lot of shit furniture and uncoordinated random objets.

Some of his art is good - but most is meh. And I hate that stupid blue suit and glasses poindexter look. Not edgy - in fact, unbelievably predictable and boring.

by Anonymousreply 509/27/2013

The oriental vases on top of the armoire need to go. Too high, too top heavy. They look like they could come crashing down any minute. And that silly table in the entry hall needs to go too. Otherwise I like it. Love the art.

by Anonymousreply 609/27/2013

I hate his paintings! Some of his objects d'art are cool, but there are far too many of them for the space.

And yes, the blue color of the bedroom is lovely, and the finish is layered or sponged or something. I used to have a deep blue bedroom and the color made it a delightfully restful place, and the color also made the room seem larger. A wall that is the color of the evening sky, seems as far away as the sky... or farther away than a neutral-colored wall.

by Anonymousreply 709/27/2013

The huge footboard on the bed looks like a separate piece of furniture itself and closes off the room. Not a good look unless you have a huge bedroom for your huge footboard.

by Anonymousreply 809/27/2013

Jesus, the collar on the dog.

by Anonymousreply 909/27/2013

Someone please help us!

PETA, are you there?

by Anonymousreply 1009/27/2013

The blue walls are the only thing I liked, I painted my bedroom a similar but darker more metallic blue, it's very calm and restfully cool, especially with my dark espresso bedroom furniture.

The rest of it is just too much "stuff" too close together. Looks like he downsized from a place that was about 1000 sq ft larger, and yet managed to squeeze the same amount of "stuff" into the smaller space.

Plus he has a glass coffee table.....

by Anonymousreply 1109/27/2013

He looks like a tedious queen who needs to have a garage sale to pare down the overabundance of fussy, queeny shit in his home.

The kind of person I avoid.

by Anonymousreply 1209/27/2013

Speaking of too much stuff...what's with all those damned umbrellas by the door? not even good ones or antiques , just all crammed in there like the foyer of an old folks home.

The bathroom vanity is the exact same one i had in my first apartment , which was in a Toronto community housing years ago. Even way back then I had the sense to go to Goodwill and get a decent looking replacement with a but more style.

by Anonymousreply 1309/27/2013

Even the dogs look embarrassed by their owners "taste", and I'm not just talking about those tacky collars.

by Anonymousreply 1409/27/2013

Very cheap Rose Medallion type lamp near the bottom. Reeks of "Tuesday Morning" clearance sale.

by Anonymousreply 1509/27/2013

So I guess when you live in a fabulous 1000 square foot apartment in New York you have to take 9 photos of the same view of the dining room. You have no choice, right?

by Anonymousreply 1609/27/2013

Too many tchotchkes on too many Goodwill "finds". Love the blue, hate the 'dining banquette' and is that broccoli in that vase?, and oh my fucking Lord that bed is hideous. It looks like he's just stuffed the corpses of all his old dogs in the bed frame. Some nice bits here and there but too much, trying to fit a country home into an apartment.

Holly'n'Rudy, you in danger! Run, run for your life (if your over fed bellies can waddle that fast).

It looks like it smells musty. And mussy.

by Anonymousreply 1709/27/2013

All those dreadful Hunt Slonem pictures hint that the place will be a disappointment.

It's not that his taste is conventionally traditional that bothers me --that could be fine-- rather it's that there are only two or three good things in the whole apartment. Everything else is less sub-third-rate and, worse, there's no underlying sense of personal taste or quality or discernment. It's just random bits assembled on the basis that some people like these general sorts of things.

by Anonymousreply 1809/27/2013

A classy hoarder.

by Anonymousreply 1909/27/2013

So if I cram a bunch of random stuff in my apartment can I call myself a decorator?

by Anonymousreply 2009/27/2013

"New York Social Diary is coming 'round to take pictures of me in my apartment, let me just dig this oversized suit out of the bottom of the laundry hamper and stuff this leftover fourth of July bunting in the breast pocket...ah, perfect."

by Anonymousreply 2109/27/2013

He is cute!

by Anonymousreply 2209/27/2013

The photography in these articles is always so awful. It's not that hard to frame your shot in a way that keeps the lines level. It would be different if the photographer was using a Dutch angle for artistic effect, but this is just lazy point-and-shoot sloppiness. It looks like something a down market realtor would shoot with their cell phone because they're too cheap to hire a real photographer. Do we really need three shots of the bedside table, each one zoomed in closer on the pile of junk heaped up on the tabletop? And some of the shots are at such a low angle, it looks as if the photographer was laying on the floor. Or maybe he just handed the camera to Holly and said "Go for it girl! You can't do any worse than me."

by Anonymousreply 2309/27/2013

Is there some law that if you move to New York you have to decorate your place like this?

by Anonymousreply 2409/27/2013

[quote]Is there some law that if you move to New York you have to decorate your place like this?

Not yet...

by Anonymousreply 2509/27/2013

He lost me at:

[quote]Why do you call him “His Majesty”? Why not just “the Sultan of Oman”? Because the Sultan is “His Majesty”. Typically you would call him “His Majesty.”

Only if you're one of his subjects, dumbass.

by Anonymousreply 2609/27/2013

I agree r26 the His Majesty stuff was offputting. And his statement about gay people was basically: Shut up and stay closeted and you'll be fine there.

revolting.

by Anonymousreply 2709/28/2013

The home is sufficating....no oxygen

by Anonymousreply 2809/28/2013

All the tables have too much crap displayed on them. He has like seven items on the top of each table - even the little ones. And his desk has too much crap on it that he has to put his lap top on top of the printer on the side of the desk

by Anonymousreply 2909/28/2013

If the clothes aren't holding everything together, he's in good shape for 50.

Did he lose weight for the shoot, or does he always give half his meals to the pooches?

by Anonymousreply 3009/28/2013

I suspect the presence of a large, lovingly curated collection of Madame Alexander dolls in that giant armoire.

by Anonymousreply 3109/28/2013

I like those black chairs with the checked upholstery. That's it. The rest cries out for a tag sale!

by Anonymousreply 3209/28/2013

I suspect the presence of the large, lovingly curated ,mummified remains of Mother Parker in that giant armoire.

by Anonymousreply 3309/28/2013

Another apartment with pairs of porcelain dogs, clutter, and an air of mendacity...with a side of pretentiousness.

by Anonymousreply 3409/28/2013

"And being gay there? It’s illegal, isn’t it? How was that?

It was not a problem at all. And it was totally overlooked. If you were respectful of the community, the community was respectful to you."

i.e., 'It's safe as long as you're rich and white and book your local whores via the upscale local mafia-esque pimp.'

by Anonymousreply 3509/28/2013

It's so over decorated and crammed in. Sorry it's just too much for me.

by Anonymousreply 3609/28/2013

Jesus that's dull. The hallway table looks especially like homemade ass.

by Anonymousreply 3709/28/2013

So basically if you live in New York you get an apartment and then just shop your ass off and stuff all your shit in your tiny rooms. Then buy more shit, and because you don't know what else to do, well, buy more shit. Then just act all pretentious an' shit.

by Anonymousreply 3809/28/2013

Money shot?? That's pretty pathetic, OP.

And you sound fat.

by Anonymousreply 3909/28/2013

Who is Jeffrey Parker? Never heard of him.

by Anonymousreply 4009/28/2013

Love the carpets but everything else made me want to promptly kill myself.

Especially the dogs. I bet that place reeks.

by Anonymousreply 4109/28/2013

The art on the walls seriously makes me want to kill myself.

Like i seriously want to die when my eyes look at them.

Holy shit are they depressing and hideous.

I need to refill my Prozac, don't I.

by Anonymousreply 4209/28/2013

[all posts by racist flame bait troll removed, ISP notified with full text of all posts.]

by Anonymousreply 4309/28/2013

[quote]Especially the dogs. I bet that place reeks.

LOL I has thinking the same thing...that place LOOKS like piss SMELLS... and it ain't all dogs' urine either I bet.

by Anonymousreply 4409/28/2013

"A custom cabinet stores more 'personal necessities'."

by Anonymousreply 4509/28/2013

What a mess.

Plop, plop, plop, plop. Is there any room anywhere for me to plop anything else?

And, of course, in the meantime I shall spout nonsense with a supremely smug twist on my mug.

And the dog is my "It's a Home" accessory.

by Anonymousreply 4609/28/2013

Holly and Rudolph stand guard over the work purses of the ladies of the house.

by Anonymousreply 4709/28/2013

It looks like a gift shop having an overstock sale.

by Anonymousreply 4809/28/2013

I like the place, think he's kinda cute. I'd fuck' em.

by Anonymousreply 4909/28/2013

Lakeland terriers?

by Anonymousreply 5009/28/2013

[quote]So I guess when you live in a fabulous 1000 square foot apartment in New York you have to take 9 photos of the same view of the dining room. You have no choice, right?

That was the dining room? I kept looking at all the pictures over and over trying to figure out what the space was intended for (didn't bother reading anything in the article, captions included). I came to the conclusion that it's for playing bridge and board games. I can't imagine sitting there comfortably for a meal.

by Anonymousreply 5109/29/2013

I can't imagine living in a 1000 square foot apartment.

by Anonymousreply 5209/29/2013

Sorry to be snobby but layered cushions on a bed always screams Hyacinth Bucket.

And the last bit about " toxic people". Ick. Like the insincere who insist on telling you how "sincere" they are, the only people who talk about "toxic people" are...

by Anonymousreply 5309/29/2013

Dining tables with booth/bench style seating in corners seem like a good way to use limited space....in theory. But in reality I would hate to have to ask someone else to get up so I could leave the table.

by Anonymousreply 5409/29/2013

R53 sounds toxic.

by Anonymousreply 5509/29/2013

I disagree with most of you. In contrast to many of the other apartments and homes profiled on this site, I think this one is understated and nicely furnished. And, thank heaven, no piles of books or gilt framed mirrors.

The umbrella stand, btw, is from Crate and Barrel.

by Anonymousreply 5609/29/2013

it's kind of gross, considering he's a professional. there is really no excuse for the bad art.

by Anonymousreply 5709/29/2013

Please learn to edit. At least a third of those rooms need to be cleared.

by Anonymousreply 5809/29/2013

He`s a handsome guy but there is an air of `look at me` pomposity that`s kind of hard to stomach.

by Anonymousreply 5909/29/2013

Just how many Hunt Slonem paintings does he need? They are such dreck -- and, given the birds flying loose in Slonem's studio, that's fairly literal. And the one in the bedroom seems to appear in four different shots.

by Anonymousreply 6009/29/2013
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