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Burger King's Satisfries: The Snacktaku Review

Earlier today Burger King revealed the ridiculously-tagged Satisfries, a new crinkle-cut potato product that's lighter and leaner than the competition. As it turns out, they are not the saddest fries. They might be the best fast food fries going.

Despite its best efforts, Burger King has never been known for its french fries. When I was a child they were stringy and sad, an impotent counterpart to McDonald's crispy, erect potato shafts.

BK fries have gone through several transformations since then, from bizarre, over-seasoned potato rods to their current incarnation, which I playfully call s**tsticks. They are just horrible, the main reason I usually stick to the chain's onion rings.

The Satisfries are not a replacement for sh**sticks, at least not right now. They're a limited time-only deal, which seems to me like code for "covering our asses in case people hate them."

I do not hate them. I want to praise them like I should.

Thick and beautiful, golden brown and lightly-seasoned with spices that no one need worry themselves about. These are gorgeous fried potato creations.

The crunch is heaven, the white, fluffy insides exploding in your mouth like an unattended, un-pierced baked potato in the oven. They are a joy to eat, and stopping once you start is out of the question, as evidenced by the video.

It took everything in me not to pick at the order I got to take home to the wife. She sat on the couch next to my oldest child, Seamus (oldest by 30 seconds, mind you), who kept stealing them out of her hands.

"They're really damn good," I said as she chewed. "The best Burger King has ever made." P

"But Burger King's fries have always sucked," she replied.

Yes they have, but not any more. If they trash the current "normal" fries and extend "limited time" to forever, Burger King could be the go-to fast food restaurant for the french fry connoisseur.

(pics and more at the link)

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3509/28/2013

Try to find a Burger King in the NYC Metro area. Most of them are gone, gone, gone.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 109/24/2013

How is the French fry $1 burger? That is the only drive through type restaurant by me and once in awhile will stop there after work. I am on a tight budget so interested how that burger is.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 209/24/2013

It sucks, R2.

If they'd made an onion-ring burger (cheeseburger with added onion rings), I would have loved it.

The French fry burger is just lame and sad and desperate.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 309/24/2013

I actually liked the old BK fries before they replaced them ~5 years ago or so.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 409/24/2013

I don't often think there are shills on DL, but these fast food commercials in the form of threads is pretty obvious. All this stuff is crap.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 509/24/2013

Thanks r2. I rarely go there, but when I do I order their onion rings instead of fries.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 609/24/2013

OP, are you fat?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 709/24/2013

No thanks. My mom and I got serious food poisoning from Burger King when I was a teenager. Never again.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 809/24/2013

Potato product? What the hell is that?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 909/24/2013

The fries always tasted like wax.

The 'flame broiled' smell they pump out reminds me of local fish shacks - somewhat rancid and dirty without the benefit of a weed dealer manning the drive-thru.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1009/24/2013

Well, aren't you just all that, r8 You go girl.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1109/24/2013

Seems like Burger King comes out with a new formula for fries every 5 years or so.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1209/24/2013

McDonald's fries are far from erect--sodden and limp.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1309/24/2013

"erect potato shafts"

Well, at least this shill knows its audience!

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1609/25/2013

I like BK's fries.

Then again, I like almost all fast food.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1709/25/2013

McDonald's fries are nasty, sweet like dessert.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 1809/25/2013

Okay, I just tried them. They're okay. Crispy, not too salty, and decent potato flavor. But they're not going to do anything major to make me eat there more often. But if I do, I'll probably get them. Or the onion rings. Because their old fries suck.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2009/25/2013

How much saturated fat?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2109/25/2013

They're lower in fat and calories than the regular fries (see link in the OP). The concern that they're overly salty to compensate seems to be a non-issue, at least going by taste. Wendy's fries taste ten times more salty.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2209/25/2013

Satisfraus?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2309/25/2013

The name is kind of funny/sad/pathetic.

I noticed everyone who ordered them just said "The new fries". Nobody was willing to say 'Satisfries'.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2409/25/2013

[quote] Try to find a Burger King in the NYC Metro area. Most of them are gone, gone, gone.

About half of them nationwide closed 7 or 8 years back. They're shitholes.

Who would eat disgusting fast food?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2509/25/2013

Ha, the shill has posted multiple times in defense of not being a shill. Guess he's new and doesn't know what trolldar is.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2609/26/2013

I'm huuuuunnngary now!

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2709/26/2013

They're lower in calories because they aren't whole potatoes. They're exactly as described: "potato product"...potatoes that have been processed, whipped and pipped into crinkle-cut molds.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2809/26/2013

R26 = moron.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 2909/26/2013

Would someone explain to me why you couldn't just put fries on your burger yourself?

I mean no doubt that most people buying this garbage aren't skimping on fries and they're eating fries with their hands, so how hard is it to lift the bun and put some friggin fries on the burger?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3009/26/2013

R30, that's part of why the stupid "French Fry Burger" is so sad and pathetic.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3109/26/2013

[quote]Would someone explain to me why you couldn't just put fries on your burger yourself?

And for those wishing they had an onion ring burger, why can't you put some onion rings on your burger?

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3209/27/2013

I'm glad someone mentioned getting a dose of food poisoning at Burger King. I had the same experience in Los Angles a few years ago and I have never gone back. I got food poisoning from a McDonalds in Harrisburg, PA. No more fast food for me.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3309/28/2013

Fast food has been the demise of America. Not because it's just bad, but because people eat it as regular meals.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3409/28/2013

Restaurants who employ food handlers that I wouldn't even wash my windows, will never see me as a customer. Fast food joints will hire anyone who will work for their miserable salaries. Fast food is another wording for unclean.

by Have fun with THIS one!reply 3509/28/2013
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