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Are you good looking and celibate?

If so WHY?

You can have any guy you want? Guys are constantly hitting on you. Why not take advantage of your good looks by whoring around.

Yet you chose not to use your beauty that way, and stay celibate.

So tell us why? Cause we would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

And how long have you been celibate?

Discuss.

by Anonymousreply 9904/06/2014

No, but one of my exes from a long time ago is, which drives me nuts because just the sight of him still gives me a raging boner.

by Anonymousreply 209/22/2013

R2 why is he celibate? How does he handle it?

by Anonymousreply 309/22/2013

He's super into social work for the underprivileged and the special need right now and devotes a tremendous amount of personal resources (time and money) to the cause... I'm guessing he still has unresolved guilt about his sexual orientation, that or he's truly become asexual.

by Anonymousreply 409/22/2013

Good looking and celibate = not interested in insignificant casual sex with other men just as or more attractive but also refuses to compromise his high aesthetic standards and requirements by deigning to date relationship ready and worthy men who are not as handsome as he.

Hence...sexless.

by Anonymousreply 509/22/2013

can we continue this discussion. 76% said they are good looking and celibate, but no one is saying WHY!!!

by Anonymousreply 609/22/2013

What R7 said. With men and women, so twice the dislocation. For now.

by Anonymousreply 809/22/2013

Sex can be more trouble than it is worth. It looks easy but people reveal more of themselves than they think and the view is not always pleasant.

by Anonymousreply 909/22/2013

If only you had asked about 'good looking and sell-a-butt'.

by Anonymousreply 1009/22/2013

Because I don't think I have any actual sex organs

by Anonymousreply 1109/22/2013

Agree with R7. Also there are some who get tired of using and being used and give up on sex when love seems impossible to find.

by Anonymousreply 1209/22/2013

R12 what do you replace sex with?

by Anonymousreply 1309/22/2013

Celibate, yes, but not devoid of passion. My collection of Madame Alexander dolls is the current focus of my love and attention.

by Anonymousreply 1409/22/2013

R5 has it precisely right.

by Anonymousreply 1509/22/2013

73% yes? Oh, that's right, this is DL. It might as well have said: "Good-looking, celibate and 'Bill Gates" rich.

by Anonymousreply 1609/22/2013

I prefer to think of it as being on hiatus.

After a particularly hideous break-up,I became a big slut. It was fun for a period. I have nothing against being a slut (having been one), but it got boring. Then I got a new job which took up most of my time and I guess my libido went dormant.

When the opportunity arises, so shall I.

by Anonymousreply 1709/22/2013

It evolved to this - used to have sex often, but, as someone else mentioned, everyone wanted to get more involved- as in a 'couple', and I had come out of a long-time relationship, and just wanted to have fun. I kept hearing 2 things - 'You are so handsome' and 'You have a beautiful cock'. I'm not making this up. We all like comlpliments, but I began to feel that it's all I was. So I just stopped dating, 6 months ago. I'm happy, focused, and know, in time , I'll open myself up again to both physical, & emotional well being, with people- or 1 person, as the ideal. But for now, I'm happy with myself, and hand, and online porn.

by Anonymousreply 1809/23/2013

yeah a lot of good looking people are loners --its hard to make friends when you are good looking cause they all want just to f you.

And when you go out, for some reason, only creeps have enough confidence to come up to you and the hot ones run away cause they don't think their hot enough deep down.

And when you do finally find a friend he gets jealous after a while and can't handle it and turns on you.

Basically people want to fuck you and then if you don't, they hate you and want to bring you down.

And when you do finally meet a hot guy who is both cool and confident, then he already has a boyfriend.

There has GOT to be better way to meet gay guys without grindr or the club but its hard.

by Anonymousreply 1909/23/2013

it's just annoying that I can't seem to make any gay friends...the only ones I meet want to have sex or date me...some of them are really nice and I'd love to just be friends but a lot of gays seem to want sex or nothing at all. #annoying

by Anonymousreply 2009/23/2013

Well, I do jack off. I just don't have sex with many other people. It's friggin difficult meeting other people.

by Anonymousreply 2109/23/2013

What r19 wrote

by Anonymousreply 2209/23/2013

Just for the R5 / R15 point of view...

You might be surprised who some of us find attractive.

The most recent two guys I wanted to date are not conventionally attractive but they are both adorable / sexy to me. One has shaved his head because he's going bald and dresses like a dork in the gym but has the cutest smile and is incredibly funny (and he takes care of himself, which helps) and has confidence. With luck, we'll go out soon .... The one before him had so little confidence or issues with his sexuality he couldn't follow through and I wouldn't push it so we're just acquaintances. If he'd put out, I'd take him in a heartbeat.

And the two blond, ripped boys I dated last year had problems that made them unattractive ... one bi and closeted, the other had anger issues (and not interested in reading or politics)... not so sexy.

As for not being open to men not attractive to them who are otherwise ready for relationships ... that applies to lots of gay men, but don't assume that men who you think are good looking are the ones who are looking for models / actor looks.

by Anonymousreply 2309/23/2013

Thanks for the late night laugh, R11!

by Anonymousreply 2409/23/2013

I stammer and am often afraid to talk to people.

by Anonymousreply 2509/23/2013

yes but I am a straight man. Celibate for 7 years, basically professional non white in a sea of white women

by Anonymousreply 2609/23/2013

Had a bad break-up at the beginning of the year and it really shook my self-confidence. Ever since then the idea of sex is good and all but when I'm in the moment with a guy I just can't go through with it. I hate myself for being such a cocktease but I'm not going to make myself have sex if I don't want to. I really feel bad for the guys I've tried to sleep with.

by Anonymousreply 2709/23/2013

I'm busy.

I have high standards. Not self-absorbed delusionally high, just, higher than the norm.

I'm open to something serious at this stage in my life, not just a fuck/fuck buddy.

by Anonymousreply 2809/23/2013

So what do you replace the urges to get laid?

I know it is just an emptiness to be filled.

So what do you replace it with?

by Anonymousreply 2909/23/2013

I won't lay with a man who has a cynical worldview. So, I won't lay with a man at all.

by Anonymousreply 3009/23/2013

my left hand has been my girlfriend. Very loyal, always there for me

by Anonymousreply 3109/23/2013

I am considered a solid 9 by most straight woman. But in the world of gay men I am a 5 at best. No one ever hits on me.

by Anonymousreply 3209/23/2013

Becoming an adult for me meant I didn't have to have sex with people anymore if I didn't want to. I had been molested over a period of years as a child, and I guess I threw off an experienced vibe, because as a young teen on I was constantly being propositioned. There are certain movie stars who throw off a sexual aura and I somehow recognize them as fellow victims... it is a cliche that sex symbols are not very good in bed, and I would guess that would be the reason.. I think very early sexualization causes a person to adopt a sexual persona) My home life was not good, and I slept with whoever could provide me with some of the things other teens got from their parents. But having someone pursue me now satisfies my ego in that I know I am still attractive, but saying no is empowering since my memories of most sexual encounters is tied up with what I needed that this person would give me, and very little with sexual desire on my part. And I have my own resources now. I do realize it is not kind and I probably lead people on a bit to get that pay-off of avoiding giving them what they want. But I suspect a lot of people are like me.

by Anonymousreply 3309/23/2013

I know what you mean, R33.

by Anonymousreply 3409/23/2013

Obviously, some guys are looking for something other than hot sex with a wide variety of guys. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Finally face it, so many DL people, just because you are hooked in to your sexual/romantic m.o., doesn't mean everybody the fuck else is. Everyone is different.

but you know that, don't you? Right! So why are you asking why anyone would be different than you are?

by Anonymousreply 3509/23/2013

I am fug and monogamous.

by Anonymousreply 3609/23/2013

My friends tell me I'm "very hot" ( I never really thought so) but could never understand why I never seemed to pay any attention to all the attractive guys ( and girls ) trying so hard to flirt with me, and I always made up some reason.

The sad truth is that I started going slowly blind after having nearly fatal meningitis, to the point now where I am legally blind, and cannot see any details like peoples faces unless it's within 5 feet and brightly lit. Online dating worked for a while ( can still see the computer screen, if i connect to a large TV and sit a foot away ), but most guys want to meet at night, and leaving my home when it is dark is terrifying ( last year I was struck by a motorcycle crossing a street to buy milk afterdark... even though I looked and listened very hard I never even saw him coming ).

I still haven't told anyone of my friends, most of whom think I have become extremely anti-social or just plain narcissistic.

So there are many many reasons that some attractive people are lonely or celibate, most are far sadder than you could ever imagine.

by Anonymousreply 3709/23/2013

Herpes. A huge number of gay men have it, but 90% don't know. So you open yourself up to rejection from guys who may have it, or may be sleeping with someone else who has it but doesn't know. There's no way to prevent it except abstinence - try having that conversation on a first date.

by Anonymousreply 3809/23/2013

[quote]I started going slowly blind.

I am horrifying to look at, but extremely loyal and loving. I think we'd be a good match. Maybe you'd like to go out sometime? I'll take you wherever you want to go, anywhere in the world.

by Anonymousreply 3909/23/2013

Good-looking - no. Celibate - yes and been so for four and a half years. Only been on one date since then and they did want to see me again so maybe not completely fug, but I am just clueless/retarded in the area of interpersonal relationships, picky and a huge loner.

by Anonymousreply 4009/23/2013

Because people have loose lips.

by Anonymousreply 4109/23/2013

Are the celibate guys celibate because homophobia has damaged them emotionally?

by Anonymousreply 4209/23/2013

Thanks for your kind offer, R39, but I can't burden anyone with the prospect of having to become my caretaker when the inevitable finally happens.

I have resigned myself to an ever shrinking world, and I realize I need help to cope with that, but as the days grow shorter and I grow more and more isolated one just loses hope.

by Anonymousreply 4309/23/2013

Totally celibate because although I am attractive I just find random sex soulless and empty. Prefer to beat off. But if I found someone I could love, and vice versa, I'd be happy to have sex again. Or not. Right now, at 48, I'd much rather find love than sex.

by Anonymousreply 4409/23/2013

R43, "caretaker" is what becomes of most relationships that last. I would be your caretaker anyways. You are my partner. But, I understand, I am a goblin. If you prefer, I could just come down from the "tower" when you call when you need something. I have lots of money, too much money, and I am looking for a man to spend it on, and give to when I pass away. I thought because you were going blind and I was a hideous looking monster, we'd be a good match. Just two people, outsiders to the whole world, who actually own the whole world.

But, I understand. Take care my good friend.

by Anonymousreply 4509/23/2013

Honestly, knowing that I COULD sleep around if I wanted to is enough validation for my self-esteem, and so the question becomes: do I really want to?

And the majority of the time the answer is: no. Why take a chance with a random hook-up who may turn out to be an asshole, a psycho, have STD's, etc. (and afterwards you'll think - "I let myself exchange bodily fluids with THAT?") I kind of follow Cher's attitude in "Clueless": "You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet."

Doesn't mean I'm planning on being celibate forever. I've started seeing a guy where I could see us having sex soon (this is after a long dry spell for me) - I like him, he seems sane, and no matter what happens down the road I at least feel I'll be having sex because I want to have a good time with someone I enjoy spending time with, not because I want to toss around my body to feel attractive or sexy or stave off my existential loneliness.

by Anonymousreply 4609/23/2013

[quote] I want to have a good time with someone I enjoy spending time with, not because I want to toss around my body to feel attractive or sexy or stave off my existential loneliness.

This summed up my life.

by Anonymousreply 4709/23/2013

I lost all interest in sex and it happened abruptly and at the most inappropriate moment. I was in the middle of a my first fuck session with a super hot, recently divorced neighbor that I had been lusting after for a while. Suddenly I thought "What the fuck am I doing, why does this guy have to be naked in my bed and why is his cock in my mouth?" I've been celibate ever since.

by Anonymousreply 4809/23/2013

Similar answers: I'm 51 and have only had one encounter in the last 11 years. Found myself in a situation which finally got me to ask myself, "why am I doing this?". I couldn't answer that question satisfactorily enough; therefore, I decided I wouldn't get into situations where I wasn't in love with the other person. I haven't yet fallen in love; so I haven't been with anyone.

by Anonymousreply 4909/23/2013

A good female friend tells me that I have amore traditional female view of sex. That is, sex without a deep emotional connection holds zero interest for me. And that connection takes time. Gay men want to bed me immediately on sight - it doesn't hurt my appeal that, I'm told, it's apparent that I'm well hung - and aren't interested in investing the time to form a strong bond. So I inevitably fall - albeit very rarely - with unavailable men.

by Anonymousreply 5009/23/2013

I'm like you r50. I don't want just sex. Used to when I was younger, but no more.

by Anonymousreply 5109/23/2013

[quote]Gay men want to bed me immediately on sight - it doesn't hurt my appeal that, I'm told, it's apparent that I'm well hung.

lol. I believe you, but I just find people whom describe themselves this way to be humorous.

by Anonymousreply 5209/23/2013

This thread is useless without a poster's selfie with an unused condom.

by Anonymousreply 5309/23/2013

Totally sympathize with r7, and am sort of in the middle of doing what r17 and r18 said.

I'm not my own "type," but I attract other guys who I find handsome, so in that sense, I'll say I'm "good-looking". Am also still insecure, despite being 51.

After the end of a long, sexless partnership, I'm now being slutty and am having fun after a year of celibacy... but it was really more like 10 years.

It's the chase and being chased that's most exciting and ego inflating. The sex is sort of tedious, but I get off emotionally on pleasuring other guys. I'm very selective, but the threat of STD's is always real. My problem is that I fall in love too easily with whomever shows any interest.

Just started "seeing" (i.e. NSA fucking) a partnered guy who's in a sexless relationship. They're still together out of habit and economics, sort of like my last relationship for the last 10 years. He sees right through me and gets my insecurity as well as my sense of humor, fun, naughtiness, and guilt. He knows how to play me and I guess that's what I need or want. But after he cums in my mouth, his interest wanes and I start to feel empty. But it is still fun. He's going to have to fuck me if he wants to see me orgasm. Not sure if he's going to go there. But then we just giggle together about the absurdity of what we just did. It'd priceless.

Am dating another guy but we can't seem to have sex due to logistics, or...? Not sure. I hate that I'm falling in love with him.

I think the OP's premise is flawed. What is "good looking" anyway? There's a lid for every pot. I don't get this DL thing where guys haven't had a date in decades and think they're ugly. So, are you bald, old, and fat? Who cares! So many men are. And many of them are fucking hot. I don't find Brad Pitt to be attractive. Get me with a clean, naked man on the sheets who has a nice smile and I'll get a raging boner. The vulnerable intimacy does the rest.

Am unemployed and would probably focus on a career and be celibate rather than seeking out and doing fuck buddies.

But being celibate for so long became depressing. It's not about being perfect looking or finding Mr. Perfect; it's about what you think about yourself and how much you can empathize with others.

Some good pron and lotioned hands can bring out the Jizz, but nothing can replace human intimacy.

by Anonymousreply 5409/23/2013

[quote] So, are you bald, old, and fat? Who cares!

Apparently alot of guys do who are superficial.

by Anonymousreply 5509/23/2013

If you cannot afford a hustler and you are old and fugly, what can you do?

Celibacy is the only way to go.

So how do you replace that need to connect with someone sexually?

by Anonymousreply 5609/23/2013

A lot of us are still scared to death of HIV. I know the anxiety can be excessive but I think many of us are kind of scarred psychologically from living through the years when tests and treatments weren't available. People just got sick and died horrible deaths.

Now they say half the people carrying HIV don't even know.

by Anonymousreply 5709/23/2013

I'm in a non-sexual bromance with a much younger straight guy & what brought us together was our mutual pretty appearance.

by Anonymousreply 5809/25/2013

R19, while I don't in the slightest think anything you said is untrue, I have to say I'd trade any 'beautiful' person THEIR problems for my ugly-person problems.

Seriously. Having people want you only for sex is better than nobody wanting you at all. And having people not approach you because they're intimidated is better than having people just not approach you because they're disgusted.

It's like a poor person hearing rich people complain. Yeah, I'd trade 'problems' with you in a heart-beat.

by Anonymousreply 5909/25/2013

How about impotence ?

by Anonymousreply 6009/25/2013

Ive had celibacy imposed on me

by Anonymousreply 6109/25/2013

Me too

by Anonymousreply 6209/25/2013

R19, it's easy to meet guys when you're good looking. You meet them everywhere you go. I'm disgusting and ignored, but I have a gay friend who is adorable and he gets looks and friendliness all the time, everywhere. He gets discounts and exceptionally kind and courteous service.

I get disgust. But, I'm fug. So, that's what you expect, that's life. But, having seen my friend and all the love he gets, I can assure you, you're talking only from your experience. As I am too. I have a feeling you might be fug too, but...who knows.

by Anonymousreply 6409/25/2013

Of course I'm good looking and don't have sex.

I'm married.

by Anonymousreply 6509/25/2013

R64 how do you cope? How do you fill that emptiness inside of you?

How do you handle not being desirable?

These are honest questions.

by Anonymousreply 6609/25/2013

Thanks R66, I work on other facets of my life, like writing, or my personality. I think unattractive people become attractive in other aspects of who they are like their personality or sense of humor. The funniest men I know are ugly men. I think it's a survival mechanism. It takes guts to be ugly in this world. But, you grow such an outlook on life. A really funny one too.

by Anonymousreply 6709/25/2013

R63 is a parody post, yes?

by Anonymousreply 6809/25/2013

Thanks R64/R67

by Anonymousreply 6909/25/2013

I want the Goblin and the Blind Guy to get together!!!

by Anonymousreply 7009/25/2013

I'm constantly told I'm good looking, but since I hate being gay (and I'm not attracted to women)...I'm celibate.

by Anonymousreply 7109/25/2013

R71 get over it

by Anonymousreply 7209/25/2013

I think I'm average, but a lot of female colleagues and acquaintances tell me I'm "good looking" which embarrasses me. I'm happiest when I'm on my own or with my dogs than being around other human beings.

by Anonymousreply 7309/25/2013

Have ANY guy he wants? I'm not all that good looking, but I could turn down guys who are conventionally seen as "hawt" in favor ones who are average, but quirky/goofy.

by Anonymousreply 7409/25/2013

Longterm celibate since college because I am a committed Christian who believes in biblical truth.

by Anonymousreply 7510/06/2013

Nerves. I'm afraid I suffer from ED. I'm also afraid of bottoming. Haven't met the right man who will wade through my sexual bullshit.

by Anonymousreply 7610/06/2013

R76 you are young and you will get over that soon. Besides sex doesn't mean it has to be anal.

You can do lots of great stuff without doing anal.

by Anonymousreply 7710/06/2013

I understand why many gradually decide to fore go meaningless sex, or tire of the let down after an act that goes no where. But, beware. This attitude becomes entrenched and you can find yourself living a sexless life. I did this and realized one day it had been twelve years since I had sex with someone, and I was beginning to lose interest in masturbating. I made myself seek out partners, casually, whilst seeking a relationship. Attend to that eternal flame. Still looking.

by Anonymousreply 7810/06/2013

Many are afraid of HIV

by Anonymousreply 7910/06/2013

I go through phases. I'm very good looking and have a good body. I have lots of sex, and could probably have even more if I wanted it. The problem is the feeling that I'm always being used for sex. Constantly. What I really want is a relationship and ONE person to have steady sex with. That is very hard to find. I'm sick of being a stunt dick for desperate bottoms who don't even want to date me.

Plus the sexuality of men nowadays is so damn aggressive I can't even deal. I'm the type of guy who likes to have a real sensual experience and all people want to do is fuck fuck fuck like they're being timed.

Also, the last time I had anal sex I had a fuckbuddy literally come out as poz while I was INSIDE of him (condom airtight so no worries). It makes me nervous. There is also a big part of me that thinks that a lot of aimless fucking is gonna hinder me from finding my husband who I KNOW is out there.

by Anonymousreply 8010/06/2013

Nice

by Anonymousreply 8210/19/2013

I'm on Zoloft=celibate. Which sucks, because before that I was a fun if somewhat intense girl.

by Anonymousreply 8310/19/2013

I am average looking and celibate. Women love me, gay men think I am funny but I rarely get noticed or approached at bars. Sometimes, gay men will show interest, but it is usually because they want a genuine friendship connection and not a sexual one. It is easier for most gay men I am interested in to go on grindr and find some meaninlgess empty sex rather than actual having real intimacy with real emotions.

Sex had to have an emotional connection for me, so I remain celibate. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only gay guy who thinks this way. I met an amazing guy over the summer who would flirt with me all the time. But we never hooked up. I was told it was because he knew it would mean something to me and he was much more comfortable with the random anonymous hookup thing. This is what usually happens to me - I make a real connection with emotions and unmistakeable chemistry. But it doesn't go anywhere. Being in my 40s, I recognize the true connections are rare.

by Anonymousreply 8410/19/2013

If you never go out to specific gay venues and don't have an online profile, it doesn't take much effort for a gay man to remain celibate.

You can be the most conventionally attractive gay man in the world, but on the street it's mostly attractive women who draw the attention, both from straight men and other women.

Straight women often won't give you a second look, let alone come on to you.

I experienced it only once, when two teenage girls on the escalator turned around, stared at me and told me I was beautiful.

by Anonymousreply 8510/19/2013

I'm an average-looking lesbian who's celibate by choice. I meet the kind of women I'm attracted to every day, but sadly, they're all straight. It's difficult to find another lady-loving lady who takes reasonably good care of her appearance, isn't covered in tattoos and piercings, and is more or less sane.

by Anonymousreply 8610/19/2013

Researchers have noted a large and growing number of non-elderly AMericans who are celibate longterm. I wonder what may be accounting for this trend.

by Anonymousreply 8710/19/2013

[quote]I had a fuckbuddy literally come out as poz while I was INSIDE of him

Now THAT is fucked up.

by Anonymousreply 8810/19/2013

Thanks for the input, R86. I had assumed that there were enough attractive lipstick lesbians to go around. I run across a lot of "hipsters" who ping my gaydar, but who are in straight relationships.

by Anonymousreply 8910/19/2013

AT this point I'm just absolutely afraid of meeting and trying to date anyone new and have to have sex with them. I don't want to be used, I don't want to use, I don't want to be hurt, I don't want to hurt. I can't deal with flakes. Sad to say I'm afraid of relating to gay guys on a sexual level.

by Anonymousreply 9111/04/2013

Very true first paragraph r85.

by Anonymousreply 9211/04/2013

I'm not good looking; I look just like my mother who, I'm told, was beautiful. Beauty may work for women, but fails men miserably.

In my fitness addiction, I received plenty of "Fun-size", "Peel-N-Eat", "Pocket Gay" comments. I attracted plenty of weasel-faced guys who always looked like they were running a temperature. I was told my boyfriends looked like me. I never saw a resemblance - except for fitness level and height.

Last year at age 45 I became invisible. No more "blue steel" looks, no more bitchy comments from drunk queens on the street, no more marriage proposals from sweet old queens I barely know.

I can strike up a conversation with anyone without being accused of flirting. I can talk to anyone without gropes, comments about my arms or pecs, bullshit questions about top/bottom, or dumbass questions about why I'm not married.

by Anonymousreply 9311/04/2013

R33, my experience is similar to yours. Was sexualised from an early age, although not exactly abused (it's complicated), and was very much into sex . Recognised young film stars who gave off that vibe as well.

This lasted for about fifteen years I would say, maybe slightly more.

It was put to a brutal halt one summer in my early thirties.

All the memories of the past abuse (it was abuse, just hard to put words into it) came flooding back three years ago, and I've had very little sex since. It simply doesn't interest me anymore.

And I used to be a very sexual person, it was probably even an obsession for several years when I was around 25.

I still give off a sexual vibe I guess, or at least I know to turn it on. But all the trouble that sex is and all the trouble it can get you into just doesn't interest me anymore.

Today I just like to watch landscapes. Beaches, cliffs, lakes, the mountains. I work because I have to but all I'm interested in now is travel.

by Anonymousreply 9411/04/2013

can we continue this conversation?

by Anonymousreply 9503/23/2014

I"m 26, will be 27 in July, and I have only had sex once and that was when I was 21. I just haven't had time for a relationship since then. Also, I don't want a freaking std from one night stands.

by Anonymousreply 9603/23/2014

I have not had sex with anyone in 10 years, I don't miss it. I don't want to be half of a couple but I like to see others who are happily coupled.

by Anonymousreply 9703/23/2014

anyone else?

by Anonymousreply 9804/06/2014

It was so painful when my last relationship ended that I haven't been interested in seeing anyone since then. It's been three years.

by Anonymousreply 9904/06/2014
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