Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

13+ Things Your Flight Attendant Won’t Tell You

OK I know it's from mind numbing Readers' Digest but there are many good ones.

What's missing though is don't let your toddler play on the luggage conveyor belt.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14509/25/2013

I heard that, when the FA walks down the aisle with 2 pots of coffee asking 'regular or decaf', it's ALL decaf. They want us to sleep

by Not so frequent flyerreply 109/22/2013

[quote]...our median age these days is 44.

But you look 54, and your demeanor says 74.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 209/22/2013

The median age of 44 surprised me but maybe that's Canada..

by Not so frequent flyerreply 309/22/2013

And I thought links to the Today Show were bad enough.

What's next? AARP?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 409/22/2013

R2, on my last flight from Europe on Air Canada, I swear the attendant was 74. I was expecting her to reach for her walker at any moment. It was like being served by your granny.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 509/22/2013

It's because no one can retire anymore, R5.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 609/22/2013

What a lame article. "Oooooh, the flight attendant wants me to pay attention, but she won't tell me!". I feel like I have so much insider info now.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 709/22/2013

They forgot a few like:

I'm only being paid to be nice to the rich people up front, not you bitches.

Even when I'm being nice to the rich schmucks up front, I still am able to show contempt for them as well.

I have much better things to do, than pay attention to you or even anyone else on the flight.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 809/22/2013

R6, true, and I've heard it's also a question of seniority, with less senior staff working primarily on domestic/short haul flights.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 909/22/2013

I love the handicapped decal on the bathroom door. I use a wheelchair, and trust me, there is no way a wheelchair is ever going to fit into an airplane bathroom. It's the main reason I don't travel much--I don't want to have to wear a diaper to fly.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1009/22/2013

[quote]Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye? We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond.

Those cunts barely acknowledge you when you board now. The last few flights I took there was no one standing by the door to the plane greeting passengers on entry.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1109/22/2013

If you don't know almost all of those things ANYWAY, you are a douchebag. That's the last thing they won't tell you.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1209/22/2013

Can we start a petition asking them to stop with the buh byes? It's ridiculous when you think of it.

Getting on board, I can understand, because they are checking your boarding pass to make sure you are on the correct flight. Even though it's been checked at the gate. I've been asked to show the stub again at the door.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1309/22/2013

What a horrendous job! I couldn't do it. Do they make a good living?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1409/22/2013

How they keep their cool is beyond me, these assholes that blaock the aisles while they're trying to serve, the morons that bring luiggage aboard that should be checked , yet insist that it will fit into the overhead bins. The passengers that constantly press the call buttom for stupid things. I would go postal on all of them.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1509/22/2013

Agree about the age thing. Some look about ready to trade their beverage carts for walkers.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1609/22/2013

I'm sorry, I'm the customer.

Why do I have to know anything?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1709/22/2013

R17 = Words and phrases that only assholes use.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1809/22/2013

R18 why does that comment make me an asshole?

Think about it.

I'm paying for a service. There should be no assumption I'm a seasoned traveler.

I've booked tickets through Travelocity, Orbitz, travel agents, directly through the airlines on the phone, online and at the airport. At no point have any instructions ever been provided as to what services to expect from flight attendants.

Explain to me why if the airlines have established certain expectations of how I interact with flight attendants but can't be bothered to tell me - it makes me an asshole.

Or if employees have a set of expectations which their employer refuses to communicate to its customers - it makes me the asshole.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 1909/22/2013

Well, R17, you should know not to grab the attendant, not to be rude to him/her, and not to try to squeeze by the cart when it's going past you. Those are pretty basic things that also apply on the ground, though it would seem you're probably everyone's favorite customer in restaurants and stores, too.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2009/22/2013

I hate it when the flight attendant doesn't tell you you're not going to quite make the runway.

And I hate firetrucks.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2109/22/2013

I could understand a person

if a person was a fag

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2209/22/2013

R20 - Have you ever flown?

The list went beyond your examples.

If you've never been on a flight where the attendant moves up and down the aisles quickly with eyes straight ahead - ignoring passengers as he/she goes by, you're lucky.

That food cart comes out and it can take up to an hour to get through the cabin. If you are the first served - why on earth should you have to wait for the service to be done in order to use the bathroom?

Everyone recommends you keep well hydrated while flying. One of the side effects is having to pee.

I've been on plenty of flights where people get on board with the luggage the airlines have approved for carry on - and there is no space available. Whose problem is that to solve? The customer (who has done nothing wrong) or the service provider?

For that matter I've never seen a single warning in any airport that not only are carry on items limited by size and number - but you also have to be able to lift them over your head.

This is far from a common sense list.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2309/22/2013

I agree - ditch the awkward buh-byes. We want to get off this plane ASAP. No where else do they have this stupid ceremony.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2409/22/2013

Use one of those pee bags you attach to your leg for long flights

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2509/22/2013

They should have a system where the whole side of the plane opens up so everyone can just slide out of their row and leave.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2609/22/2013

Don't fly on any planes that have parts from the Eastern Airlines flight that crashed in the Everglades way back when. You'll see ghosts of the flight crew from the crashed flight.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2709/22/2013

Remember the stereotype of airline stewardesses (that's what they were called then) back in the day? That they were all young women who looked like Playboy Playmates, and were always ready for a quick sexual encounter with a passenger in the airplane toilet? How did THAT get started?

Apparently anything approaching behavior like that results in a quick termination. Linda Kolkena, the hot to trot bimbo who stole Betty Broderick's fratboy-like husband Dan, was a flight attendant before she became Dan's stunningly unqualified "legal assistant." She was off her probationary period for 6 months when she was fired for indulging in "unbecoming conduct" with a male passenger. They fired her just like that. Actually Kolkena DID seem to fit the stereotype of the slutty stew; young, hot and ready for a quick fuck.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2809/22/2013

OMG, R17 is a total asshole and doesn't have a clue WHY.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 2909/22/2013

R29 - I tried to explain my position in a way I thought people might understand. But clearly I overestimated my audience.

Let me try to dumb it down for you.

R29 = retarded flight attendant

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3009/22/2013

R10 you may be interested to know that Bombardier's new CSeries, which flew for the first time last week, is equipped with a handicap-accesible lavatory.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3109/22/2013

R8, I've heard that they actually prefer economy class because people are nicer and it's simpler to deal with than first class.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3209/22/2013

Lou the Stew, please chime in. You are needed here.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3309/22/2013

Flight attendants are cunts and fuck anyone they can.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3409/22/2013

R30, most of the things on that list are COMMON SENSE. If you really need that shit EXPLAINED to you, then you are retarded. Don't block aisles, don't act like an entitled whiny asshole, don't use the bathroom while the plane is on the ground, don't poke or grab the attendants, etc. Your purchase of a ticket doesn't give you the right to be a rude, thoughtless asshole. Do you really need to be given a LIST of ways you are expected to be a respectful customer? I guess you do.


by Not so frequent flyerreply 3509/22/2013

I think Flight Attendants and Broadway ushers should trade jobs.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3609/22/2013

No, OP, you were right the first time. Mind numbing.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3709/22/2013

"Don't block aisles, don't act like an entitled whiny asshole, don't use the bathroom while the plane is on the ground, don't poke or grab the attendants, etc."

Wait, doesn't it say you CAN use the bathroom while the plane is on the ground? (It never would have occurred to me that you couldn't.)

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3809/22/2013

The guy at #16 is the hotness.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 3909/22/2013

What a nasty thread. No wonder flying is so nasty. It wasn't always like this.

Do people really get on the plane with the pugnacious attitude of R17? I guess they do? Why is that? I see more and more of it on flights? Where's it coming from? Money buys everything? Make sure you get every penny's worth every moment? Are there no other mutual obligations in any social encounter?

Is the increasingly degraded demeaning flying experience bringing it on? Flight attendants attitude suck too. It's a stressful, exploitative, poorly paid bythehour job. Is corporate greed - the loss of meals, more peanuts, new charges for baggage, more cramped seats - filtering down to the simple interactions in the cabin?

Is this what they mean by trickle down?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4009/22/2013

It's interesting that someone might need a sign saying you have to be able to lift your carry-on luggage above your head, I wonder where they thought it would be stowed onboard.

Mostly, it's about politeness and common courtesy. Sadly, some damn rude people fly.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4109/22/2013

Some of those examples are just basic decency (not expecting someone to take a used kleenix, not poking someone to get their attention), but many are just petty complaints by FAs who resent their customer service duties and a couple are the fault of the airline itself, like accepting more carry-on luggage than the plane can accommodate.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4209/22/2013

I love to go on FA-heavy sites (like this one) and ask innocently why we still even have FA's. I mean, seriously, we haven't had a survivable crash in YEARS, and being a PAX is not a whit different from on a damn bus anymore.

Oh, and there are plenty of them older than 74 too.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4309/22/2013

Once the food and drink is completely gone from flights the FAs will be too. Maybe one in case something goes wrong or someone gets sick or something. Probably more like a bouncer type than anything else.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4409/23/2013

what is r39 talking about?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4509/23/2013

I used to love flying, until that stormy night when I was taking a flight home after being away for awhile due to a health matter.

I'll be damned if I didn't see this soggy, furry -- THING -- alight on the wing, and start to tamper with one of the engines. There were no printed guidelines, even in Reader's Digest, nor verbal instructions from the flight attendants on what to do in such a situation.

So I took matters -- and the Emergency Exit handle -- into my own hands!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4609/23/2013

Do the skywaitresses still fart in your aisle when they don't like you?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4709/23/2013

Why no glory hole service from some of the sweeter stew boys? Too pron me...

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4809/23/2013

Your seat cushion don't float.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 4909/23/2013

R43, it's pretty clear you're busier doing that than reading news. 305 out of 307 people survived a fiery crash just a few months ago in San Francisco.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5009/23/2013

[quote] 19. The Answer is Always Yes Don’t ask us if it’s okay to use the lavatories when the plane is grounded. Do you really think what goes into the toilet just dumps out onto the tarmac?

No, I just don't want to break a law and have one of you cunts have me arrested by the TSA. All you have to do is disagree with a flight attendant and they threaten to have you arrested.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5109/23/2013

[quote] 9. My Responsibilities Don't Include Office Supplies

If you’re travelling overseas, do yourself a favour and bring a pen. You would not believe how many people travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms. I carry some, but I can’t carry 200.

Well who the hell knows what to bring on a plane these days? Finger nail clippers are considered a weapon

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5209/23/2013

FA don't really bother me. Airlines are making it more and more inconvenient to fly (partially thanks to passengers who think that a flight LA to NY should just cost 5 bucks). So I appreciate every FA who can keep their cool and stay patient. Rude passengers and tight rows is what really bothers me.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5309/23/2013

I agree that it's a dreadful job, or would be for more.

[quote]Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye? We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond.

The only thing of interest the rather unscientific survey about saying hello and goodbye, which my own casual observations bear out, with the responses much more favorable at boarding than at departure (perhaps proving that familiarity does breed contempt?)

It took me a while to realize that the reason pilots and cabin crew react so enthusiastically to a greeting or a thank you is that so few passengers bother with so much as a nod or a mumble.

Regarding average age...I usually fly Virgin Atlantic but had to take an American flight not long ago. The flight attendant, an attractive woman but showing her years and the strain of them, looked a bit like Jessica Lange made up for an awards show. She was so very fucking no nonsense that I became almost convinced she was a DLer.

A somewhat needy woman in the seat in front of me (a coffee cup cradler, I'm sure) wanted her coffee poured into a small thermos. The attendant rolled her eyes and started to comply, then barked at the woman for not holding the thermos still. When the passenger asked if she could pour it herself, the attendant said, "Certainly not; you might touch the lip of this thermos onto your thermos, the one you've had your lips wrapped all around. Instead of risking contamination, let's just give you a coffee like everybody else." Of course she hated children and needy people and her coworkers, and had no time for anyone who was not to the point and polite about it. I rather liked her. American, though, had a rather mean cabin crew, none of whom made the least effort to disguise that they would rather be somewhere, anywhere else.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5409/23/2013

r54, i enjoy your writing style. please continue.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5509/23/2013

most people need to be slapped

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5609/23/2013

That Readers Digest article was the lamest I've ever seen linked here. A very frau moment.

With a comfortable retirement currently requiring around $1.1 mil for the money to last till the 80s, expect the cabin staff to get very elderly indeed.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5709/23/2013

[quote]No where else do they have this stupid ceremony.

Huh? We recently flew Milan to Naples and as we were getting off the plane, the stews said, "Ciao, ciao! Ciao, ciao!"

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5809/23/2013

R17/R19 should stay the fuck at home.

[quote]Can we start a petition asking them to stop with the buh byes? It's ridiculous when you think of it.

Though it's in part tradition, it's also a way to hold on to the very thin thread of civility. To look directly at someone's face and say 'hello' or 'goodbye' is to reinforce a social contract that rips apart too often.

To look at a boarding pass and say 'thank you, your seat is just down to the right' is far less necessary than it's a pleasantry, an introduction to the staff, and coincidentally a way to keep traffic from backing up into chaos. Of course your seat is to the right -- unless you're boarding from the rear or well back from the cockpit or seated in an upper deck, t's always a right turn. It's the equivalent of saying "How do you do?" when introduced to someone; it's a courtesy meant to put people to ease, to bring them into common ground.

It's not strictly necessary that a barista or a shop clerk or a real estate agent greet customers with a hello or send them on their way with a thank-you, but does it take that fucking much out of your busy day to reply with no more than a nod or a hello or a than-you?

To get your panties in a bunch because a flight attendant says "Thank you" at the end of a flight that cost $102 (plus $681.89 in taxes and surcharges) makes me wonder about a person. You could simply ignore the attendant --as most others evidently do-- and it would seem to be no skin off your petition-signing sorry ass.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 5909/23/2013

There are obviously a lot of bitter flight attendants on this thread. That list was totally cunty.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6009/23/2013

R19 most of what she said is common sense to people who aren't assholes.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6109/23/2013

[quote]I'm sorry, I'm the customer. Why do I have to know anything?

BECAUSE you're not living in a cave, you neanderthal! Money doesn't grant you omnipotence.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6209/23/2013

The last dozen or so flights I've taken have got me to thinking that the Pan Am girls of the 60's would be rolling in their graves at the sight and service of today's motley flight crew.

A vending machine capable of keeping a straight line down the aisle would be friendlier and more efficient. No idea why this hasn't been implemented yet.

Bitches be obsolete now, and they did it to themselves.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6309/23/2013

Some guy came up with a better system for boarding passengers by seat number so the aisles don't clog up... something like every 5th window seat first. It was proven to seat everyone in half the time but the airlines have never enacted it. So a better boarding system does exist.

What I've never heard of, is a better way to serve the meals and pick up the trays afterwards. Granted this is not an issue on domestic US flights.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6409/23/2013

[quote]What I've never heard of, is a better way to serve the meals and pick up the trays afterwards.

About 10 years ago, just before a flight from Newark to, I think, Paris, they announced that there would be no food service on the flight. They gave us vouchers to go buy food from the airport vendors and bring it with us onboard.


The sky waitresses periodically walked up and down the aisles with plastic bags to pick up our trash.

I would happily opt for that on any flight.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6509/23/2013

A better boarding system does exist. It's called "boarding by row number from the back to the front".

The problem is that most people when traveling check their brains and bring their bags - ignoring instructions of any kind. "Yes, I know they just called rows 40-50 but I'm in row 20 and can't be bothered waiting".

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6609/23/2013

The problem with flying today is that by the time passengers get on the plane, many of them are angry as hell. The long TSA lines don't help at all. I wish the airlines would do a better job of streamlining those. You have people who are very early clogging up the lines so they can get to their gates right away. Meanwhile, other passengers are going to barely make their flights.

I was in LaGuardia last year. I was two-plus hours early for my flight. I stood in some obscenely long line forever. Pretty soon, it was about 40 minutes before my flight, and for some of the people around me it was about 20 minutes before theirs. People on later flights were in front of many of us who were getting down to the wire. When people pointed it out to the TSA, they said that was not their problem but the airline's problem. A few of us had been complaining to the airline staff that they needed to start prioritizing the line. Eventually they did. I still barely made my flight. Of course there was no more room in the overhead compartment for my carry-on. Others who barely made the flight were in a surly mood.

After drink service, some guy had to go to the bathroom and the cart was blocking the only one on the plane. The FAs pitched a fit about having to move it for this person. The guy went off on the FAs and said since he had to wait for two hours in a line and barely made his flight because of the airline's incompetence, he was damn well going to go to the bathroom when he needed to! All of us who waited in line clapped. The FAs got the hint, moved the cart, and let him take a leak.

I have to say I was surprised that neither of the bitchy FAs threatened to report him to the TSA or something like that. I've seen that happen over the stupidest things.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6709/23/2013

Of course you can't judge a whole group of people by the actions of a few, but several years ago I was socially tied to a group of male and female flight attendants, and they were some of the most fucked up people I've ever known. I know for a fact most of them were drunk or drugged up every flight. Of course, they can't really DO anything to help if the plane is going to crash, but it seemed to me there should be more drug testing on these people!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6809/23/2013

On two of four recent flights, the FAs were verbally abused for no apparent reason by rude passengers.

In both cases, I gave them an encouraging smile and got great service.

Sometimes it does pay to be nice.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 6909/23/2013

r67, I am confused. You were two hours early, which is smart. But you are mad at people who got to the airport (and in line ahead of you) earlier than you?

It's their right, no matter when their flight is compared to yours, if they GOT THEIR FIRST!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7009/23/2013

In the U.S., arriving hours in advance of the stated "at least two hours in advance" check-in time means snaking through interminable TSA lines where one is advised in painful detail about liquids and zip-lock bags and laptops. (Diabolically, TSA never mentions the "shoes off" business until the unknowing are standing smack in front of the x-ray machine.)

No matter how precautionary the arrival time, the line always descends into chaos at which point a small herd of breathless jackasses in golf clothes announce that they [bold]must[/bold] cut in front of everyone because ordinary rules don't apply to business travelers who have squeezed in a few rounds on the course after the presentation and cut their airport arrival time to pre-9/11 standards.

The foresight of others is expected to take the backseat to those who think their situations (i.e., their lack of planning and consideration) are special.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7109/23/2013

Do you realize that air tickets cost virtually the same today as they did in 1976 before Judge Yoder's deregulation of fares?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7209/23/2013

Civility is dying and people are too free with their rudeness and constant rage. They take it out on anyone that is viewed as some sort of captive (especially anyone in a "service" industry).

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7309/23/2013

They cost the cost of love

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7409/23/2013

In the beginning, stewardesses has to be RN's. Now the only qualification is if they'll work for minimum wage. Being an FA does has more status than working at McDonald's for the same salary.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7509/23/2013

In case I wasn't clear, I meant the customers taking it out the flight attendants etc

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7609/23/2013


by Not so frequent flyerreply 7709/23/2013

I was born to a tall and thin mother with very good bone structure, and childhood flights were always pleasant and the attendant's doted on mother and me. Since childhood, I have affected a feral look because I can. My own bone structure allows for serious neglect to appearance. As I've grown up, the attendants pay me less mind.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7809/23/2013

Sorry if my typing attendant's for what should be attendants offended some pour soul's sensibility.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 7909/23/2013

[quote] I am confused. You were two hours early, which is smart. But you are mad at people who got to the airport (and in line ahead of you) earlier than you?

R67 was probably pissed because the people who got there before him brought items they shouldn't have brought and held up the line. Those kind of assholes piss me off. I had one fuckhead say to the TSA, "you mean I can't bring my divers knife on the plane"? Since When?"

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8009/23/2013

[quote] Do you realize that air tickets cost virtually the same today as they did in 1976 before Judge Yoder's deregulation of fares?

so is home phone service. But we do get unlimited long distance now

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8109/23/2013

90% of them are nasty bitches and I don't blame them for it.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8209/23/2013

Yes, I'm intentionally trying to block the drink cart because I have to get up to pee. After waiting in long check in lines, TSA checkpoints etc. Not my fault the aisles are so narrow because the greedy airlines try to cram 250 seats on a plane meant for 200. Deal with it, skywaitress.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8309/23/2013

I suppose all that flying would make anyone a little short-tempered.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8409/23/2013

Ellen offering her perspective. Of course the snack offering dates it a bit.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8509/23/2013

double offering, sorry

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8609/23/2013

This may be a stupid question, but do many airlines offer peanuts now?

I recently took Delta to Atlanta, then on to New Orleans. Both directions, the MSY-ATL flights didn't offer peanuts. But the smaller planes from home to ATL and back gave peanuts.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8709/23/2013


by Not so frequent flyerreply 8809/23/2013

Does Grindr work on airplanes?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 8909/23/2013

I would never fly Turkish Airlines, their FA's wear bright orange uniforms and matching hats.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9009/23/2013

Gay male fight attendants tend to be the bitchiest and least helpful. You're only a flying mattress, sweetie.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9109/23/2013

I have the upmost respect for flight attendants. Those of you referring to inflight crew as "vending machines" would change your tune in the case of an accident. A close realtive of mine is a FA for Air Canada and she assures me that they can clear a 300-seat plane in under 5 minutes. They are trained to wield fire axes, don smoke hoods, lift out heavy exit doors, and inflate slides while surrounded by flames and screaming passengers.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9209/23/2013

The simple problem is that today the poor can afford to fly commercial. I used to clock up 6,000 km a year on Lockheed Elecktras and Vuckers Viscounts flying back and forth to boarding school as a small boy. Everyone was dressed to the nines and I only ever witnessed one example of bad behaviour -- and he was an American too. I can remember the feeling of shock amongst the passengers. Even up until the late 70s there was good behaviour. Now of course: God, I'm fortunate enough to be able to sit upfront but you see people getting off at Heathrow in bare feet!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9309/23/2013

Under 90 seconds R92. Its a requirement that any aircraft type, in order to be certified be evacuated in less than 90 seconds with only half the exits usable.

The only reason FAs exist is to save as many as possible during an emergency.

If the airlines had their way, they wouldn't have any Flight Attendants at all. In fact, some airlines in Canada are pushing for laws to be relaxed in order to have fewer FAs on board.

Service really doesn't come into it - except that the airlines will reduce the number of FAs on board but still expect the same level of service (such as it is) from the ones that remain.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9409/23/2013

Lou here. R92 I'm not sure what the requirements are in Canada but in the US for a plane to be certified you have to be able to evacuate everyone in 90 seconds.

When I was hired 30 years ago my airline hadn't hired in 5 years. They told us we were selected from thousands of applicants. Delta recently hired around 1000 flight attendants and there were 75,000 applicants. Everyone in my class had a college degree and about 20% didn't make it through training. You were then on probation for 6 months and could be fired for any reason without union protection.

Yes, we are an aging group and as someone mentioned we can't retire young for the most part because of financial constraints. I lost my pension due to bankruptcy. However, I still enjoy my job and probably wouldn't retire early anyway.

Some of the items in the article are common sense but a lot of passengers seem to check their brains with their baggage. I do think most passengers are nice especially if you treat them nice. I think it's because they are out of their element too.

Peanuts are still available on Southwest. My airline no longer has any cocktail snack in economy (which I don't like). We had switched to pretzels before discontinuing entirely because of the peanut allergy dilemma. (One of our corporate attorneys told me on any given day we have almost 500 active lawsuits)

One of my peeves which wasn't mentioned is adhering to the fasten seat belt light. We have to tell you it is on and you should be seated because the FAA occasionally is on board and we can be fined ($1000) for not telling you. A co-worker once saw a passenger get fined by the FAA because they were told and still wouldn't sit down. I have friends who are permanently disabled from turbulence injuries. Last summer we had a 777 make an emergency landing to take 23 passengers to the hospital. Just because it "seems" smooth, pilots get reports from air traffic control and other aircraft ahead of them.

I agree some crew members can be bitchy and there's no excuse, it's part of your job to be pleasant. However, sometimes it's difficult. On my last trip I got less than 4 hours sleep because of noisy people in the hall of the hotel and then had to work a 12 hour day. But, I was still professional and friendly and a woman asked for my name to write a commendation.

And...I don't say buh-bye. I smile and say thank you. I'm thankful for my job, it's been a great ride.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9509/23/2013

Great post, Lou!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9609/23/2013

Thanks, Lou at R95. Good insights, good attitude. I'm no fan of flying these days, but the flight attendants are not the problem.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9709/23/2013

Thanks R96 and R97. I always tell co-workers who moan and groan about the job to take a leave for 6 months and go work at Target or Sears and see what a real 9-5 job is like. I think they will appreciate the job more. I have friends who took an early out who wish they would have stayed around because now they are unhappy folding clothes at Macy's.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9809/23/2013

Everyone's favorite stewardess, Pam Ann:

by Not so frequent flyerreply 9909/23/2013

Lou the Stew and TaxTrollEA are my absolute favorite SMEs (subject matter experts).

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10009/23/2013

Air New Zealand has a very clever safety video:

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10109/23/2013

The gay flight attendants should be led up and down the aisle, on all fours, shackled and leashed. for $5 they should service you orally if you so choose.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10209/23/2013

Thanks R100. I'm pretty sure I was blushing as I read your post.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10309/23/2013

[quote]Those cunts barely acknowledge you when you board now. The last few flights I took there was no one standing by the door to the plane greeting passengers on entry.

Before it became so commonplace to hear people in service to say, "See you next time!" flight attendants would use this as a special way of saying "buh-bye!" to passengers who had been less than pleasant to deal with during a flight.

I learned this from a flight attendant, during the time "buh-bye" was being spoofed on SNL.

Just for chuckles, the next time you notice some a**hole on a plane, try and listen to what the flight attendants say to him or her when they exit the plane...

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10409/23/2013

This thread is TLDR, but my FB is a Sky-Ho (and married to a WOMAN if you can believe it). Those bitches fly all over the world for free. Their jobs are NOT difficult at all. They piss and moan about EVERYTHING know to man, woman, or Cher.

They stay in decent hotels free or cheap. They get car rentals free or cheap. They're also slutty and oh-so tacky.

I fly first full-fare, and I demand first class treatment for that reason. I don't complain to customerikstan. I make sure that I send a nicely written, succinct letter to the CEO and everyone down the food chain. It's rare that things go wrong, but, in the event, I want my full fare back. That's why I pay it. It's Asshole Flight Ho Insurance.

Their little article was so pathetic that I'd heave if I ate in the past few days. (I bet an airline diet would make some bitches lose tonnage.)

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10509/23/2013

I still recall the days when the southwest flight attendants were HILarious. Wearing masks, fake teeth and more than once doing a VERY good stand up routine over the PA service

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10609/23/2013

R105 is on the edge of insane, and past the edge of full-on cunt...and it shows, to everyone.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10709/23/2013

R92, there is no such word as "upmost." The word is UTMOST.

Why do functional illiterates post here?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10809/23/2013

"8. Have a Care Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you. So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon...."

Because snoring really is something people have control over...

by Not so frequent flyerreply 10909/23/2013

Functional? You give them too much credit, R108.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11009/23/2013

ah, r59, I'm flying on an AIrbus with over 800 passengers. After 15+ hours, I just want to get off the damn plane. The FAs are equally exhausted. Forcing them to stand and parrot goodbyes is demeaning.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11109/24/2013

[quote]Forcing them to stand and parrot goodbyes is demeaning.

Since when it is demeaning for people to say hello or goodbye or thank you?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11209/24/2013

R112 Because they don't know you from Adam.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11309/24/2013

For fuck's sake, R113, the hotel concierge and reception clerk don't know me from Adam, either; nor the restaurant waiter, nor the shop clerk, nor the ticket seller, nor the usher who collects the theatre ticket. It doesn't demean any of them to say hello, goodbye, or thank you -- just as it doesn't demean me to do the same to them.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11409/24/2013

Well I wouldn't use the word demeaning myself but to me there's just something a little fake about having to say goodbye to a hundred or so people, many of which you've barely interacted with.

The pilots don't have to do it, to me that says they're more important than the cabin crew (well obviously they are)

I don't know, personally I just don't care for that whole robotic customer service stuff, if there's actually been some dialogue between you that's OK, but the vacuous "Hi-ya" like you get at supermarket checkouts, I could easily do without that.

But then I am a natural loner who'd often rather not be noticed until I actually want service.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11509/24/2013

Who cares what a flying mattress thinks?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11609/24/2013

R92 Interesting, but I suppose the odds of them actually doing that for real are probably very low, otherwise it wouldn't just be women and poofters working as flight attendants.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11709/24/2013

R107, you are so right, and you in danger, girl!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11809/24/2013

R105 -- I couldn't agree more. They often get to fly overseas first class as standby, while elite carrier passengers, who've spent $$$$ on tickets for loyalty are treated like cattle on the very same flight. Non-rev is a HUGE racket!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 11909/24/2013

Can a Sky Waitress (male or female) answer the ageless question, "Why are straight me so stupid?" This has puzzled me for quite some time, and, clearly, Sky Hoes have the answers to everything.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12009/24/2013

Care to rephrase in English R120.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12109/24/2013

Pro tip: Find the gay worker at the gate when checking in (after having checked in online, etc.). There will always be at least one gay bot working the gate. Avoid the frazzled frau with bitchy resting face. For a quick grope and suck with the gay gate attendant you can probably get bumped up to First Class, even if your production company is rude and inconsiderate enough to stick their stars in Coach (Teen Wolf, I'm looking at you.). I'm so glad to be working for a real network now with actual stars. I picked up this trick from international celebrity John Barrowman!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12209/24/2013

Today's flight attendants are as unprofessional, clueless and disengaged as the creeps populating every profession today. However, not many other professions have the power of entrapping people inside their locked-in-with-no-escape, I'm-in-charge, "fuck-you" insanity.

I pay for my ticket on these unavoidable travel nightmares. I tolerate the lines, the frisks, the pushiness, the delays, the bad air, bad light, bad food, and bad manners of the airport experience.

So I don't need your pissiness, your poor-me attitude, or your clucking about how I can be a better patsy. I don't care that you're tired - I'm tired too. I don't care that you're in a thankless role. I'm paying for all of it, not being paid like you are. It's not my fault you lack the education, vision, passion or intelligence to do something else at your advanced age. All I want is for you not to pour someone's coffee on me, push me, or smart off when I say "no thank you" when you shove a packet of peanuts in my face.

Assholes, almost every one of them.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12309/24/2013

R123 = Julia Sugarbaker mid–hissy fit

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12409/24/2013

What do you think they mean when they walk down the aisle with a bag for trash saying "You're garbage"! Or is that "Your garbage"???

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12509/24/2013

R123 speaks a lot of sense.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12609/24/2013

Let them do the buh byes

Respond with C U Next Time. They all know what it means. Watch the eyebrows go up.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12709/24/2013

Reading R123's post reminds me that airlines never have medication, neither Valium, Aspirin or anything else. Why is that? I understand that they don't have prescription drugs. So, r123 better bring his own mood enhancer. But why no aspirin? They could sell it along with duty free vodka.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12809/24/2013

R122 -- I can recall benefiting from being a same sex couple once: British Airways at JFK was weighing hand luggage down the milligram right and left it seemed, but my partner and I checked in with a gay clerk who couldn't have cared less if we had sacks of lead ingots!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 12909/24/2013

R128. My airline has aspirin, non-aspirin and alka-seltzer we are allowed to hand out. Stronger stuff is in the emergency medical kit and has to be given by a medical professional.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13009/24/2013

The Colty post, obviously meant to be silly, actually has a kernel of truth to it, as does R129. I fly 150K a year and consistently find myself getting more positive treatment from gay male staff over haggard fraus. And yes, they'll bend every rule if you flirt back. Air pros, do you consciously favor your own?

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13109/24/2013

I was in business class on a long flight and some snotty college kid threw a host because he was certain daddy would only have booked him in first. He loudly demanded to be moved -- yeah, they arbitrarily reward assholes -- then settled in to make everyone miserable the rest of the flight. When they brought breakfast menus he demanded to know what the first class passengers were eating so he could choose off that menu.

I could never be a FA.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13209/25/2013

I fly fairly often but not Business traveler often. American Airlines crew are HARDCORE - they are completely unfazed by ANYTHING.

Oh you brought your pet monkey on the flight and he's going to jump from seat to seat and pick lint of peoples head. Cool.

Oh you are going to take 5 xanax's and then have a few vodka shots so that you can't even sit upright. awesome.

However try asking them if you can keep the can - oh smack there is going to be some trouble!

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13309/25/2013

really r130? I was on a trans-Pacific flight--can't remember if it was Cathay Pacific or China AIrlines--and asked for an aspirin and they told me they couldn't hand out any kind of medicine. Fortunately, there was a traveler's clinic at the HK airport which had some.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13409/25/2013

My SIL is one of those bitches who causes a scene to get an upgrade. Works most of the time.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13509/25/2013

I had a friend who claimed to do this: Wait until the very last minute to board. Final-final call. Then walk in and sit in business class.

No one ever asked to see the boarding pass once they were seated.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13609/25/2013

My first flight with British Airways:

Not long after take off, I was getting stuck into the tv/video (earphones in). Notice the FA talking to me & apologise as I remove the ear pieces. He says "Can I get you a drink?" I say "I could murder a gin & tonic". He sighs and says "So could I!" I laughed.

The next 8 hours were the best service I've ever had on a commercial flight.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13709/25/2013

I just flew back from Orlando in First Class, the flight attendant stops at me and says this

"you might not be thinking about anything but the look in your eyes says your up to something"

and then walks away.

WTF was that?

Better was I was in row 2 and the bitch in front of me reclined her seat all the way, which is not that bad in first but when dinner comes you can't get the tray out. My FA just stood there holding the tray glaring at me rather than ask the bitch in front to maybe move up an inch. I asked her and she pretended not to hear me and still the FA is just glaring at me like this is my problem so I said fuck it, pushed the back of her seat up with one hand and got the tray out. The bitch in front of me spins around and said "you could have asked me to move up" to which I replied "I did, twice you seemed not to hear me or feel me struggling to get the tray past the back of your seat or see the FA standing there for 5 minutes holding a tray.."

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13809/25/2013

Really R134. I think most US carriers have pain relievers onboard. The Alka-Seltzer is something fairly recent.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 13909/25/2013


I recall having seen a fellow ejected after trying this on JAL First. Even though the cabin wasn't full, the crew knew from the manifest which seats were flying empty.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14009/25/2013

Those cunts intentionally try to run over your feet, slam into your knees, press their asses into your seat space without the merest of apology or recognition, etc. It's some kind of pathetic power struggle or maybe it's just career frustration. Realizing that they gave away their lives for free air travel in a cancer tube. Nasty pieces of work they are. I just tolerate them - do the robot thing. I take all my own beverages/snacks on board and answer with a strong NO THANK YOU when asked what I want (so they can't pull that "Speak UP sir!" bullshit) Do my pissing BEFORE boarding. Don't drink beer, coffee, or any carbonated bevs on board so you most likely won't HAVE to piss, etc. Seat/tray up when it s/b, so no nasty smirky reminders. Have trash in hand and ready to smash into the bag (they LOVE that) as soon as they stream by. Ughhhh. They truly do make travel a stressed out fuck dream. Carol Burnett just about nailed the attitude. Except now it applies pretty much the same in Coach and First (though yes, they are somewhat nicer (grit their teeth tolerant) in First).

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14109/25/2013

yeah that seems fishy..they know all the names of the people in first and business. I will say American has better food in first, and you can choose what you want before you fly. United's domestic first sucks. They used to have planes with direct tv but they took all those for overseas flights. The 757 I flew had a tube tv that the FA had to pull down from the top. When they asked what I wanted to drink I asked for a Tab. She FA laughed and said we have not had Tab in forever and I replied "Oh with that 1970 tv that came down from the ceiling I figured you might.."

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14209/25/2013

Lawsuits, R128.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14309/25/2013

The only thing worse than the Flight Attendants are the other passengers.

Yes, of course I can hear your music through your headphones. In fact, its so loud I can't believe you aren't fucking DEAF!

No, it isn't cute when your kid kicks the back of my seat.

I'm sorry you're so big, but that isn't my problem, so either book first class or get your fucking legs out of the aisle.

Hmm, I LOVE the smell of 3 hour old KFC that you just opened because you can't go another hour without stuffing food in your gaping maw.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14409/25/2013

Meh. Once I am through security, I hit the closest bar or Delta lounge and start drinking. By the time I am on the plane, I am ready for a nap.

To my horror, recently I was making a connection in ATL and learned they don't serve alcohol prior to 8am. It was awful.

by Not so frequent flyerreply 14509/25/2013
Need more help? Click Here.

Follow theDL catch up on what you missed

recent threads by topic delivered to your email

follow popular threads on twitter

follow us on facebook

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!