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Corporate buzzwords/terms that make you cringe.

Cherry-picking

Granular

Matrix-oriented

Top-line

by Anonymousreply 10609/24/2013

I didn't think that cherry-picking was a corporate buzzword.

by Anonymousreply 109/22/2013

It's used a lot in sales R2

by Anonymousreply 209/22/2013

Low-hanging fruit

Outside the box

PRICE POINT

by Anonymousreply 309/22/2013

Low hanging fruit

At the end of the day

Operationalize

What's the ask?

by Anonymousreply 409/22/2013

"touch base", "metrics" and "outliers" own this thread.

by Anonymousreply 509/22/2013

Incentivize

by Anonymousreply 609/22/2013

Moving forward.

by Anonymousreply 709/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 809/22/2013

leveraging

"my universe"

"I own the whole shop"

by Anonymousreply 909/22/2013

My boss is fond of the term "done and dusted" when a project is complete, i.e., when all the details of the project have been done and dusted.

by Anonymousreply 1009/22/2013

Price point is hardly a buzz word, it was around in 1900.

Cherry picking isn't a buzz word either, but I could see that it might be over used.

On the other hand, I haven't a clue what "granular" means in a corporate sense.

by Anonymousreply 1109/22/2013

[quote]"You don't have to boil the ocean."

What does that even mean?

by Anonymousreply 1209/22/2013

Tell a story

SMEs - subject matter experts

stakeholders

SWOT analysis

deliverables

creatives (as is people)

branding

(can you tell we're hiring a new marketing director and I spent last week sitting through candidate presentations and interviews?)

by Anonymousreply 1309/22/2013

KOLs, key opinion leaders

by Anonymousreply 1409/22/2013

Giving back

I never took anything in the first place. It is giving.

by Anonymousreply 1509/22/2013

r12 -- your boss is actually dumb and dumber.

by Anonymousreply 1609/22/2013

"Triaging" emails. So much more exciting than plain old forwarding them.

by Anonymousreply 1709/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 1809/22/2013

I don't have a problem with "reach out" if it is in the context of testing the waters, with the implication that the other person may not be receptive. If it is used to merely mean "contact", I will do bodily damage to the speaker.

by Anonymousreply 1909/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 2009/22/2013

"putting out fires." I hate that!

by Anonymousreply 2109/22/2013

Haha, giving back is a great one R17. Just really yucky that they pretend that when it's really just about manipulating emotions for the bottom line (profit).

Not business but politicians talking about 'hard-working families' makes me want to puke all the fucking time.

by Anonymousreply 2209/22/2013

the day I never have to hear "great call out" cannot come too soon.

by Anonymousreply 2309/22/2013

"Let's regroup on this later on."

by Anonymousreply 2409/22/2013

R19, I can only see the use of "triage" in regards to emails if one is deciding, in a crisis situation, which emails are most important and require immediate attention. Otherwise, ya got to be kidd'n, right?

by Anonymousreply 2509/22/2013

Calling part of a project a "piece." For example, "when Ben is done with the UX piece, we can move on to the content piece."

by Anonymousreply 2609/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 2709/22/2013

[quote]'Consultant' = Unemployed

That's good.

But where I work it is also someone who took early retirement and then is hired back at a higher rate of pay to be a consultant. Basically doing the job they had.

It's become my new career goal.

by Anonymousreply 2809/22/2013

Dynamic

Leverage

Transparency

by Anonymousreply 2909/22/2013

Nothing remotely resembling a crisis, R27. Just a team which distributes customer emails on to whichever department will deal with them. In an excitingly modern and dynamic way.

by Anonymousreply 3009/22/2013

Right sizing!

by Anonymousreply 3109/22/2013

R33, are you with a DoD agency? LMAO, I hate that word!

by Anonymousreply 3209/22/2013

[quote]SMEs - subject matter experts

LOL. SMEs means 'Small and Medium-sized Enterprises'.

by Anonymousreply 3309/22/2013

R34 Thankfully no.

by Anonymousreply 3509/22/2013

R35: in Department of Defense, we use SME for subject matter experts.

by Anonymousreply 3609/22/2013

"Let's unpack that."

by Anonymousreply 3709/22/2013

[quote] LOL. SMEs means 'Small and Medium-sized Enterprises'.

Imagine that an acronym which could mean more than one thing.

It also stands for Self Managed Employee.

by Anonymousreply 3809/22/2013

Does anyone know what EBIT means? It's Those Who Must Be Obeyed's favourite new buzzword and there may be consequences if I answer "huh?"

by Anonymousreply 3909/22/2013

wow you should be fired for not even knowing how to google. Earnings Before Interest and Taxes....

by Anonymousreply 4009/22/2013

Thanks R42. DL's way better than Google.

by Anonymousreply 4109/22/2013

"Administrative hygiene" (cue the cube frau jokes)

"Leakage" (ditto)

The most creepy term I ever heard used was 'administrative hygiene." Our CEO kept using it on an all-employee call and I remember thinking at the time "WTH is that?!"

Needless to say their were big admin staff layoffs afterwards (and the company went under a few months after that call).

The CEO also kept using the term "leakage" which I finally grasped was places where they were losing $$$ (which was, uh, everywhere as the company was so poorly managed)

I hate those creepy, cold terms and think it de-sensitizes management in dealing with their employees. No wonder they can lay people off with such ease.

by Anonymousreply 4209/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4309/22/2013

I fucking hate them all but especially "fully engaged".

WTF? Seriously? You're going to "fully engage" someone like they're a starship?

Any person who uses these idiot terms generally falls to the bottom of the intelligence scale in my book. Is it required that all managers talk like morons to remain managers? It seems that way.

The dumber and more obtuse the language, the higher the spot on the corporate ladder it seems.

by Anonymousreply 4409/22/2013

'ping', meaning 'check in with', as in "I'll ping Mr Smith and check his availability for next week". Maybe it's only used in IT (where you 'ping' another computer to see if you can see it on the network), but I hated hearing it used when it came to people.

I used to work for a company where we had LOTS of conference calls, and the VP of IT was this buzzword-crazed woman. So, being the overgrown children that we IT people are, we came up with Buzzward Bingo, and distributed bingo cards via email to all the participants other than Miss Buzzword. Obviously, we couldn't just blurt out 'BINGO' so, borrowing from 'The Broken Hearts Club' we used 'meanwhile'. So the call would grind on, with Miss Buzzword chattering along, and someone would suddenly say 'meanwhile', and she'd stop and say 'meanwhile? meanwhile what??' and the 'winner' would mutter something like 'oh, nevermind Miss Buzzword, what was it you were saying?' and off she'd go again.

I remember I 'won' once during a disaster-recovery meeting when she said 'BFE', which stood for 'building flattening event', or to the rest of us (since we were based in San Francisco), 'big fucking earthquake'.

by Anonymousreply 4509/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4609/22/2013

I have worked in IT groups in the private sector and we also use SME = Subject Matter Expert. Too many SMEs will get you dinged in SoD (Separation of Duties) testing, meant to expose the idiotic "one guru per subject area" trap.

I've noticed that different companies have their own buzzwords. In one of my job interviews, the 3 interviewers each used "stewardship" many times, which I'd never heard at the other companies I'd worked, or anywhere since.

An "ask" instead of a "request"

"Reach out to" instead of specifying a preferred contact method

"Low hanging fruit" instead of "easy tasks"

To "cascade" instead of to "distribute"

"Put that in the parking lot" instead of "discuss that later"

"Table that" instead of "discuss that later"

"Take that offline" instead of "discuss that later"

"COB" = close of business (the end of the day, EOD)

"Deck" instead of "presentation"

"Op spec doc" oh for God's sake

"RIF" = Reduction In Force, layoff

"Downstream" instead of "recipient"

"Upstream" instead of "source"

"Open a dialogue" instead of "discuss"

A "delta" instead of a "change"

"SOP" = Standard Operating Procedure

"RAM" = Responsibility Assignment Matrix, not, of course, to be confused with the "RACI" which is the grid of which role is Responsible, Advised, Consulted, Informed

"Buffer resource" = resource with limited time allotted to a project, e.g. only about 4 - 8 hours per week.

"Cadence" instead of "schedule"

"Capacity plan" instead of "workload" or "book of work"

"Going dark" instead of "becoming unavailable"

"Out of pocket" instead of "unreachable"

"Socialize" instead of "publish" or "tell everybody"

"Circle back" instead of "reconvene"

I'm sure there are more, but I am old and tired.

by Anonymousreply 4709/22/2013

Value proposition

by Anonymousreply 4809/22/2013

"team work" bullshit term that everyone throws about but never really works.

by Anonymousreply 4909/22/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 5009/22/2013

Align with the business. As in make sure you goals align with the business. Umm...just my doing my fucking job I align with the business.

by Anonymousreply 5109/22/2013

R47, you'll need to circle back and ping the BCP SME to socialize your status on these DR testing tasks before we go dark at COB.

by Anonymousreply 5209/22/2013

Outliers, cherry-picking, metrics are mathematical/statistical/data management terms adopted by business-types.

by Anonymousreply 5309/22/2013

"Sign off / sign off on"

by Anonymousreply 5409/22/2013

going forward

by Anonymousreply 5509/22/2013

Stakeholders

by Anonymousreply 5609/22/2013

Sorry, "SoD" should have said, "Segregation of Duties."

These subtle differences in vocabulary at various companies make me admire the Indian contractors' versatility even more.

Thought of a couple more...

"Happy Path" = ideal sequence of events

"Smoke Test" = brief validation of key features of the system after code is installed

by Anonymousreply 5709/22/2013

Low-hanging fruit is a really gross one. Especially when uttered by a fat neckbeard.

by Anonymousreply 5809/22/2013

I don't know if it's corporate, but people saying "out of" instead of "in" or "from," as in, "Jake Gyllenhaal out of Hollywood" or "Joe Schmoe out of Kansas City, Kansas."

by Anonymousreply 5909/22/2013

Core competencies

Key-in = type

Sense of urgency = act as if something is important when it really isn't (so boss feels important)

by Anonymousreply 6009/23/2013

Minimal effective response.

by Anonymousreply 6109/23/2013

Gad, I'm so happy to be chronically unemployed now.

by Anonymousreply 6209/23/2013

I hate these stupid words. Only corporate robots love them.

by Anonymousreply 6309/23/2013

Top-picking

cherry-oriented

by Anonymousreply 6409/23/2013

"best practices"

by Anonymousreply 6509/23/2013

My sister speaks this way. At home. All the time. She thinks it makes her appear intelligent and is a way to contain and bury what little emotion she has left.

by Anonymousreply 6609/23/2013

Jusgt touching base here.

I've been out of the loop for this whole thread and need a status report ASAP. Can someone give me an executive summary, with a flow chart diagramming the heirarchy? That's SOP for anyone in the b2b sector.

by Anonymousreply 6709/23/2013

I have a friend who is forever wanting to "touch base." He also says "gals" instead of women, so he's a multi-doucheword mess, but oh, how I hate "touching base."

by Anonymousreply 6809/23/2013

r69, we'd appreciate it if you redid your post in the form of a SWOT analysis.

by Anonymousreply 6909/23/2013

B to B always made me want to H.U.R.L.

by Anonymousreply 7009/23/2013

How about PTM (pay the mortgage), FO (Feed Ourselves) and HTH (Heat the Home)

by Anonymousreply 7109/23/2013

r73 hasn't been near another guy's low-hanging fruit since the Louisiana Purchase was in escrow.

by Anonymousreply 7209/23/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 7309/23/2013

Indeed, r75, many moons ago on one of my favorite DL threads someone had posted a photo of Pete Burns doing a show somewhere. In the photo, he had pulled up his skirt to reveal the lowest hanging balls I ever did see.

One poster quipped that he will always envision Pete's balls the next time anyone mentioned "low hanging fruit" and, alas, I giggle every time I hear the phrase as I picture Pete Burns' balls hanging to his knees.

by Anonymousreply 7409/23/2013

What does "low hanging fruit" mean? Glad not to know, but still...

by Anonymousreply 7509/23/2013

For r77 and all of you "low hanging fruit" types.

NSFW!!!

by Anonymousreply 7609/23/2013

R77, in my day it meant the same as "easy pick'ns". In other words, an easy sale or an easily completed task. someone who went after low hanging fruit was considered lazy and lacking in motivation.

by Anonymousreply 7709/23/2013

I worked for three nasty bitches at a large corporation who used many of the buzzwords that others have listed here.

The dumbest of the three, and that was really saying something, used to use teamness as a word. Then the other two started using it. They all hated me and I knew it, so I didn't care if I pissed them off. I finally pointed out in a meeting that teamness was not a word. Dumbest of Three protested wildly, so I dared her to find it in the dictionary. Oh boy, was she pissed when she realized I was right.

I finally transferred to another department, then quit a few years later when I could see that these types of large corporations are dysfunction factories. I've worked only for small to medium sized companies ever since and I find most of the workers use far fewer buzzwords. :-)

by Anonymousreply 7809/23/2013

Not corporate, but as a costume designer a hate it when someone says "fabricing" for swatching. If I have sent you out to get swatches and you must turn a noun into a verb, it is "swatching". It is not as if the watch company is going to sue you. I rfeally hate it when I hear "fabricing fabrics".

by Anonymousreply 7909/23/2013

Ooh, R49, you spoil us. I particularly like Happy Path, I'm going to unleash that on my manager during my performance review. Bet he grinds his teeth.

by Anonymousreply 8009/23/2013

Deliverables.

Optics. ("We have to avoid optics of conflict of interest.")

by Anonymousreply 8109/23/2013

I teach and for awhile, we'd hear from our district office that we were to do various activities to "fidelity"- teach to fidelity, meet to fidelity, etc. What the hell does that even mean?

by Anonymousreply 8209/23/2013

To adhere to some preordained code, R84?

by Anonymousreply 8309/23/2013

I'll draw a line in the sand....

by Anonymousreply 8409/23/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 8509/23/2013

"off site" meaning "out of the office!"

by Anonymousreply 8609/23/2013

Win-win is just another word for tie.

by Anonymousreply 8709/24/2013

OMFG @ R78's pic - is that a piece of shit on the stage?!?

by Anonymousreply 8809/24/2013

[quote]"Out of pocket" instead of "unreachable"

I'm cool with everything else R49 wrote; I mean, most of them are pretty fucking annoying, but at least they make sense.

But how in the fucking fuckiest stupid fuckistan of goddamn fucksville does "out of pocket" mean "unreachable"?!?!?

by Anonymousreply 8909/24/2013

How about the word "tasking" ? This is used in my office a lot and I find it very annoying.

by Anonymousreply 9009/24/2013

email

schedule

employee dress code

employees must wash hands before returning to work station

by Anonymousreply 9109/24/2013

R93 is 15 years old and thinks he's very grown up.

by Anonymousreply 9209/24/2013

Corporate trolls in my office are fond of the word "navigating." Navigating toward a win...Navigating through red tape, etc. Everything is analogous to some imaginary voyage toward a win, whether it's winning a client, winning additional biz from client, winning the client's trust, etc. Gagworthy.

by Anonymousreply 9309/24/2013

"Blue SKy" "Belts and Suspenders"

by Anonymousreply 9409/24/2013

Webinar. Why in the fuck does that word make my fucking skin crawl?

by Anonymousreply 9509/24/2013

We have you on video.

Empty your pockets.

You're fired.

I've called the police.

by Anonymousreply 9609/24/2013

r98=Lindsay Lohan

by Anonymousreply 9709/24/2013

who's who

by Anonymousreply 9809/24/2013

Emails that start with either:

"Hi, Folks:"

or

"Colleagues:"

Because they are the favorite salutations of two despicable, lying, unethical, hypocrital assholes in power positions in the organization.

by Anonymousreply 9909/24/2013

"Seagull Management"

by Anonymousreply 10009/24/2013

[all posts by flame bait troll (hates:men,women,muslims,gays,lesbians,jews and Obama, loves posting about stabbing women, bashing gays, killing jews etc.) #10 removed, ISP notified with full text of all posts.]

by Anonymousreply 10109/24/2013

[all posts by flame bait troll (hates:men,women,muslims,gays,lesbians,jews and Obama, loves posting about stabbing women, bashing gays, killing jews etc.) #10 removed, ISP notified with full text of all posts.]

by Anonymousreply 10209/24/2013

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 10309/24/2013

Team player/team member - where Management is neither.

Metric

Subject Matter Expert

Take-away

by Anonymousreply 10409/24/2013
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