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I am in the unsavory position of needing a roommate. I split up with my partner of eight years -- I initiated the split -- so he's staying in our shared apartment. I'm moving out, I need a new place, and can't find anywhere affordable, especially given the fact that I'm buying new furniture, splitting up our savings/checking accounts, and so forth.

My fear is that after living alone/with partner for so long (ex-partner traveled a ton for work so I was alone a lot), I really won't be able to adjust to sharing a living space with a stranger. Sharing a bathroom, a kitchen, a fridge...It creeps me out. Do you have to make small talk with them? Hang out with them? If you make a meal, should you leave them leftovers to be nice?

I feel like a bad sitcom.

by starting overreply 709/21/2013

From my experience, it's very difficult to find a roommate who DOESN'T expect you to make small talk & hang out with them. They may say they "only want someone to share the bills with" but in reality they'll want more than that. Especially females!!! Stay the fuck away from female roommates. If they feel the least bit ignored, they will go psycho on you. Trust me! Oddly enough, my best roommates have been straight males. They expect the least.

by starting overreply 109/21/2013

I ditto straight males, they have generally have lowest expectations.

by starting overreply 209/21/2013

#1 - if you had a partner for 8 years that means you are in all likelihood at least 24 years old. You should be able to provide for yourself.

In the event you cannot, straight males are the best roommates. I had one when I was 20 and we got along great.

by starting overreply 309/21/2013

Try to find a rental with 2 baths, that makes it much more tolerable. Make up your mind you need to share to due to finances, and make it work.

by starting overreply 409/21/2013

Straight males are great until they want their girlfriend to move in.

by starting overreply 509/21/2013

Finding a compatible roommate is almost as hard as finding a partner.

A compatible roommate may or may not be someone with whom you are friends. Think about it, how many of your friends would or could you live with?

The traits and characteristics which make for a good roommate situation are not the same as those which make a good friend.

Over the years, I've had friends who have had nightmares:

- Not on the lease. Moved into a place and paid the roommate who was pocketing the money - robbing peter to pay paul, as it were. Eventually got evicted with months of past due utilities bills.

- Paying for all food. Roommate didn't think anything of never grocery shopping for himself and simply helped himself to food. Also, another friend was asked to split grocery bills and ended paying for crap he neither wanted nor needed.

- Unexpected third roommate. As noted above, a new girlfriend or boyfriend may not technically live in the apartment, but if they're staying over 4-5 nights a week, it's effectively the same thing. And when it's a shared bathroom...

- Ships passing in the night. It may sound like a good thing to have opposite schedules, but in reality when your roommate comes home every night from work at 2am and you're trying to sleep. This also goes for crazy insomniacs who decide to do their hobbies in the middle of the night because they cannot sleep or watch TV at night and fall asleep with the TV on and the volume turned up.

by starting overreply 609/21/2013

Everyone does this differently. Some households become like family, grocery shopping, eating and going out on the town together. Others rarely see each other.

If you are advertising for this you can specify this stuff in your ad. Some roommate matching services include this in the description they allow you to provide of what you are looking for. Be sure to ask about this stuff in your interview with each prospect - what time they get up and come home, shower, eat, do they have lots of friends over, etc.

I would try someone working in finance, law or medicine. They work long hours and tend to be neat, clean and quiet and have their financial act together.

by starting overreply 709/21/2013
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