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I have a date Sunday that will definitely result in sex

I'm now 52 after an 18 year relationship. I'm feeling really uncomfortable about this mostly due to changes in my body. I've been single for a year now. I won't give any details but I'm considered handsome "for my age." When I hear this I think they're saying "You look good, considering."

The challenge for me is to get over the changes in my body that are reasonable for someone of my age. Has anyone been through this and have some advice?

by Anonymousreply 6010/09/2013


by Anonymousreply 109/17/2013

You took the words out of my mouth, R1.

by Anonymousreply 209/17/2013

How old is your date? If he has seen you with clothes, he has an idea of what you will look like.

Think about how good it will feel, not how you look.

by Anonymousreply 309/17/2013

I'm going through the same thing, OP, and don't know what to do. This guy is younger than me and light-years out of my league. I'm not rich, not good-looking, any of that - and yet, he calls me, 'a firecracker'...Um. Scared to death, here.

by Anonymousreply 409/17/2013

How old is your date? What "changes?" Do you have a third nipple or something? I mean, WTF? The date knows what you look like so the date should not freak out at what you look like naked. YOU have to make peace with your body, not your sex partner.

by Anonymousreply 509/17/2013

Both of you, be confident, that is sexy. If you can't feel it, then fake it.

by Anonymousreply 609/17/2013


I hear you.

by Anonymousreply 709/17/2013

A black caftan will be slimming and present you and your moobs in the best light.

Lift up that caftan and air out that dusty dinge hole, OP!

by Anonymousreply 809/17/2013

At 52, you're a little old for sex there gramps.

by Anonymousreply 909/17/2013

I don't have moobage, R7. R8 made me laugh. Although, I do find myself holding my stomach in sometimes. Not much but reasonable for my age.

He's 48 and I'm 52. I was in a sexless relationship for many years. You would think this would make you very horny but it is now feeling quite the opposite.

by Anonymousreply 1009/17/2013


Ignore him OP, jealous cause you will be getting some and he won't.

by Anonymousreply 1109/17/2013

R9 is a swamp cunt.

by Anonymousreply 1209/17/2013

HE'S 48 and you're 52? Um, I'm sure he has his own insecurities about the way he used to look. I'm pretty sure he's thinking the same thing you are.

Unless you have a conjoined twin attached to your neck with gray hair and teeth, I wouldn't worry about it. Have fun!

by Anonymousreply 1309/17/2013

Never on Sunday!

by Anonymousreply 1409/17/2013

Is it possible he finds you to be desirable in ways adults find other adults appealing, OP?

by Anonymousreply 1509/17/2013

Unless there are a bunch of other naked guys in the room, you'll be fine.

by Anonymousreply 1609/17/2013

R6 has the only real advice. If you let your insecurities get the better of you then you just sabotaged yourself. Confidence is always sexy, don't overthink, just let yourself be in the moment.

by Anonymousreply 1709/17/2013

I certainly face the same issues. Not anything much I can do about how I look. I maintain my weight, keep myself trimmed and groomed. I am no looker, but personality helps, put yourself out there, they may feel the same. Concentrate on your best assets

by Anonymousreply 1809/17/2013

No one wants to hear about your geriatric old dinosaur problems.

by Anonymousreply 1909/17/2013

I fuckin' HATE number 9. And I'm not so fond of 19 either.

by Anonymousreply 2009/17/2013

Be sure to pre-lube!

And remember... if things on the date start going a little off, according to DL common wisdom the word "YUM!", when properly delivered, is sure to work wonders as an aphrodisiac!

by Anonymousreply 2109/17/2013


by Anonymousreply 2209/17/2013

Keep the lights off!!!

by Anonymousreply 2309/17/2013

I'm 55 and single. Like you, I'm considered handsome 'for my age.' My body is 'beefy' but I know I'm borderline fat. None of the men I've been with have ever complained about my body. They actually compliment me on it. But I know I'm much more comfortable with the lights out so that's the first thing you should do. Turn the lights off.

by Anonymousreply 2409/17/2013

In a similar boat, OP. I just sorta feel my body is disgusting at this point, and am not eager to force anyone else to put up with it.

It's not really, for someone my age, but I just feel awful compared to how I used to look and how my body used to be (I've lost a ton of flexibility, rock-hard erections that last a long time, muscle-tone, and have gained gray hair, and just general "old age ness").

It doesn't help that I've NEVER been attracted to older guys, and this is as true new as it's ever been. So I can't imagine anyone being attracted to me now that I'm older. I know I need to accept that other people have different tastes, but ... it's hard.

Bleh. I don't even bother dating any more at this point.

by Anonymousreply 2509/17/2013

Y'know something, guys ?

Men in their 50s are hot. Not just to other men their age, but to a lot of younger guys. And those admirers all know you don't have a 20 year olds body.

If you're beefy, the man in bed with you likes that. He finds you hot. If he's younger, he loves your maturity. Keep those lights on, see how he's really into you.

We absorb so much untruthful, dishonest shit about only young bodies being hot. About sex stopping at 35. About ageing being all bad. Don't internalise it, laugh at it. And have some fun.

by Anonymousreply 2609/17/2013

um, will this be surprise anal? because unless your partner has no idea what you look like in person and you've been telling him via the interwebs that you are a hot 22 year old, he already is aware of what you look like, and wants to fuck you BECAUSE of it. i recently turned 50, and since, i've been with some of the hottest guys ever in my life. these are guys that i could NEVER have slept with at 30 because they would have been so far out of my league, but now they want me at 50 for some strange reason. it's fucking awesome and i'm not going to second guess it for one minute.

so get over it, mary, and get laid already. you deserve it.

by Anonymousreply 2709/18/2013

Let us know how your date went OP.

by Anonymousreply 2809/22/2013

OP...stop thinking about it...

I am 48.....Yes...I'm lucky that I look at the least 10 years younger....and maybe I should but I never ever think about any of the negative...

In the past year - I've slept with a 40 year old...a 27 year old who ate my ass out for hours..a 23 year old and I have a 29 year old who wants to fuck ME...ME ??!!


by Anonymousreply 2909/22/2013

Find someone closer to your age, OP.

by Anonymousreply 3009/22/2013

Older men are the best!

by Anonymousreply 3109/22/2013

This thread is definitely more interesting than deciding which tomato you should pick. Lol!

by Anonymousreply 3209/22/2013

Arrghh. Been there. I dated a guy for three months. My cousin and his wife set me up with him. He was ten years younger than I am and I was scared to expose myself - physically, even though we both had reason to be shy. We took it slow (I'd stay over in another room in his house) and then the night we were going to "do it" finally arrived. It was a lot different from when I was a 20-something. You have all these feelings like "will I be able to perform?" He came out of the bathroom in boxer shorts with a white t-shirt tucked into them and got into bed. He asked me to do a strip for him, which I did (candles, no lights). He started touching me, complimenting me, and then he rolled on top of me. I reached around, pulled his t-shirt out of his shorts and he stiffened, and not in a good way. As I ran my hands up his exposed back, I could have been in bed with a German Shepherd. Back hair. Thick back hair. The relationship didn't end because of that. It ended because we both realized we were looking for different things. A couple of months later, I met a guy who was half my age. He was into me. He tore my clothes off and got me into bed and we rolled around all night. It was comfortable and I felt sexy again. I realize I had built up this whole fantasy of what my life would be like with the other guy, and ignored the signs that we just were two completely different types. When you're with the right person, it should just feel natural and the intimacy will grow out of that.

by Anonymousreply 3309/22/2013

OP, have been in a relationship that turned sexless some 3 years ago - and I initiated that turn.

Result is I'm miserable, rarely horny (I sued to be a very sexual perosn) and see no point in life. And whenever I do have sexual feelings for someone it is never, ever, ever my wife.

by Anonymousreply 3409/22/2013


Have either of you got fat?

by Anonymousreply 3509/22/2013

Make sure your anus is clean!!

by Anonymousreply 3609/22/2013

Shady Pines is letting its residents have sex now?

by Anonymousreply 3709/22/2013

Safe sex for older people is jerking off from the bathroom door.

by Anonymousreply 3809/22/2013

r34 are you a closeted guy? Or a lesbian?

Something is missing from your account. You decided to not have sex with your wife, and now you're complaining about it?

by Anonymousreply 3909/22/2013

It has nothing to do with fat, although I did stop exercising and that was probably a mistake. At the time I was scared I'd have an affair if I exercised. I was still in love with her and didn't want to stray.

I should simply have had an affair and come back and we'd still be happy.

Instead we're miserable but what the hell.

Personally I stayed for the companionship, the house and because I was unemployed at the time. Today I stay because change requires a lot of energy that I don't have.

And, yes, we are lesbians. I gained a little weight since I found a stable job that I drive to, but would never call myself fat. She's not fat either and it wouldn't be an issue anyway because I like chubby women (I am speaking in European standards of "fat", neither of us even compare to Americans in terms of "fat").

by Anonymousreply 4009/22/2013

There was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words inviting

There was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting

There was a time Then it all went wrong I dreamed a dream in times gone by When hope was high And life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that age would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung No wine untasted

But the aging comes at night And in the harshest morning mirror As it tears your world apart And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came And still I dream he'll come to me That we'll live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed The dream I dreamed

by Anonymousreply 4109/22/2013

[quote]And, yes, we are lesbians.

Unhappy lesbians who don't have sex. Isn't that just being a lesbian?

by Anonymousreply 4209/22/2013

OP, your title makes it sound like anything but an intimate encounter.

by Anonymousreply 4309/22/2013

Thanks, R42! You may be right. When I was a young (happy) lesbian I saw older, angry lesbians and wondered how they got that way. Now I know.

And I should definitely have sought more experiences after 30 instead of staying bored and monogamous. I'm only 35, but stopped having fun when I turned 30 and have been miserably ever since. Well, at least I have a stable job now. Not that I like it, particularly, but apparently it's expected.

by Anonymousreply 4409/22/2013

[quote] I'm feeling really uncomfortable about this mostly due to changes in my body

OP. I have one word for you: SPANX

by Anonymousreply 4509/22/2013


Sex shouldn't be about relieving boredom, nor should it be used to alleviate depression.

It sounds like you've got underlying issue(s) that aren't about getting laid.

by Anonymousreply 4609/22/2013

I went through this. Join a gym. You may not become a muscle hunk (although there are men older than you who do become quite muscular) but the toning of muscles and the energy-natural energy-will make you feel fantastic and you will look better, too.

The type of gym I joined was not a grunt-grunt muscle head gym, but more of a health club with personal trainers and weights.

by Anonymousreply 4709/22/2013

OP, listen to r47 . You need to get in reasonable shape-- also consider a new wardrobe and style. When you feel sexy-- it will improve your sex life.

by Anonymousreply 4809/22/2013

Wasn't Sunday a few days ago? Where's OP's report?

by Anonymousreply 4909/25/2013

Maybe his heart gave out during sex.

by Anonymousreply 5009/25/2013

I hope the date didn't tie him up and clean out the place.

by Anonymousreply 5109/25/2013

He's dead.

You can light a firecracker in his nostril; you won't wake him.

by Anonymousreply 5209/25/2013

Come back little She-Ba!

by Anonymousreply 5309/25/2013

OP, am in the same boat. I'm 51 and a year and a half out of a 25-year relationship.

I finally had sex with a date over the weekend. Am on Cloud 9, but also somewhat depressed. He's partnered in a sexless relationship. His interest in me seems to have fizzled out after he came in my mouth and his boyfriend returned home from a business trip.

He's a few years older. I don't trust younger guys despite their compliments of my appearance. This guy is handsome and sees through my insecurities. After shoving his tongue down my throat, he stripped off my clothes and threw me onto his bed.

That just hasn't happened to me in decades and it was hot.

I had to let go of the fact that I'm an old man now and just went with it. Booze helps but that's not a good path to travel on for some of us.

I've had body issues since I was in my 20's and was a perfect Twink.

It was fun. Have no regrets. But this type of encounter is not likely to happen very often. I've had other dates, but I think my body insecurities and (healthy) fear of STD's get in the way of sealing the deal.

I hope you had a great time on Sunday. Sometimes we just have to let go of fear in order to move forward.

by Anonymousreply 5409/25/2013

My best friend is pale, flabby and built like a 12-year old boy. But men go crazy over her, especially in bed. (The phrase "sexual napalm" comes to mind.) She exudes confidence and comfort in her own skin. Do the same, you will be fine.

Have a great time!

by Anonymousreply 5509/25/2013

R54. You had sex with someone in a relationship. You're not privy to their dynamics, obviously. Stop getting involved in situations that are self sabotaging. You deserve better,

by Anonymousreply 5609/25/2013

Checking back - what happened OP?

by Anonymousreply 5710/09/2013

The OP is a fucking troll. Look at the title of this post: "I have a date Sunday that will definitely result in sex." It screams TROLL.

There are plenty of older men who fuck much younger men and they have absolutely no problems with it all. Why would they? The OP is a sad, silly troll who needs attention and the only place he can get it is on a gossip board. I don't know how old he really is, but he sounds very, very stupid.

by Anonymousreply 5810/09/2013

I worry about OP. If he's that shallow at that age, he's beyond hope.

by Anonymousreply 5910/09/2013

So, you're are going on a date that will result in sex, huh? Sex? What's that? I'm jealous. Sex is something I don't get. :(

by Anonymousreply 6010/09/2013
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