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I'm getting married!

I'll be getting engaged in October. We've picked out our wedding rings, but it just occurred to me that I don't think I've ever seen gay men (or even straight men) with an engagement ring.

So what does the proposer give to the proposee if they're both gay men? Is there any token of the engagement that's not the traditional thin band with a big diamond? He likes very simple, minimalist things, I like something a bit more interesting to look at but not showy. Neither of us are big jewelry wearers, though.

Yes, I know I'm overthinking this as usual. But have any gay men out there given their husbands-to-be some token of the engagement, and if so, what was it?

by Anonymousreply 4909/07/2013

Diamond studded cock ring.

by Anonymousreply 109/05/2013

We both have rings. Simple platinum bands, nothing fancy at all.

by Anonymousreply 209/05/2013

Congratulations, OP.

by Anonymousreply 309/05/2013

Oh shit. Gay bridezillas are here to stay...

by Anonymousreply 409/05/2013


by Anonymousreply 509/05/2013


by Anonymousreply 609/05/2013

R2: You've just described the wedding bands we've chosen. Simple platinum. Very lovely. But what about engagement rings or other engagement token?

by Anonymousreply 709/05/2013

I had some old gold rings melted down along with my Mom and Dad's wedding rings (they were married 47 years and adored him) and had a ring designed. The engagement ring is a "rope" design with small simple diamonds around it. There are two small chips that were part of Mom's ring for good luck.

The wedding right is very thin and consists of small diamonds at the top only of the ring. that will allow him to ware both. I am only getting and wanting a simple gold band for the wedding.

Next Tuesday is our wedding (civil ceremony at the court house). Been waiting 25 years for this.

by Anonymousreply 809/05/2013

No rings for the engagement for us, just wedding rings.

by Anonymousreply 909/05/2013

Nipple rings are what many gay couples have selected for their engagement.

by Anonymousreply 1009/05/2013

A friend of mine got engaged last weekend. He and his soon-to-be husband gave each other simple platinum bands as engagement rings. Not sure what they are doing for wedding rings next June.

by Anonymousreply 1109/05/2013

No to engagement rings, just a wedding ring is fine.

An engagement gift, however, is another matter. A pre-wedding getaway might be nice, even if it's just a weekend of sexytime at your local Four Seasons.

by Anonymousreply 1209/05/2013

"Neither of us are big jewelry wearers, though."

Also not English language teachers, I hope.

by Anonymousreply 1309/05/2013

[quote] But what about engagement rings or other engagement token?

A sex change operation, given you seem desperate to mimic straight chicks.

by Anonymousreply 1409/06/2013

I'm with R14.

by Anonymousreply 1509/06/2013

R14 is correct. Since when do grooms wear engagement rings?

by Anonymousreply 1609/06/2013

Two of my best friends did the engagement ring thing and I really liked what they did. Their engagement rings were actualy two thin rope looking gold rings (each about 1/8 inch thick) that fit and snapped together and looked like one ring. Their wedding ring was a thin gold band that fit together and snapped together with the two engagement rings on either side. When all three rings were locked together the rings were only about 1/2 inch wide and looked like one ring with a roped edge.

by Anonymousreply 1709/06/2013

Again, not understanding why MEN would wear engagement rings. Why don't you just piss on your partner's leg if it's so important to mark your territory.

by Anonymousreply 1809/06/2013

You're not overthinking this. The rings are something you will supposedly wear for the rest of your lives, and you're not jewelry people. Make sure you get it right. Right for the two of you, that is.

I favor simplicity. I'd go for engagement gifts that didn't have to be worn daily forever.

by Anonymousreply 1909/06/2013

A Rolex watch. You can never go wrong with that! It shows how much you really deeply care...

by Anonymousreply 2009/06/2013

Who wears watches?

by Anonymousreply 2109/06/2013

Don't mind the bitter cunt at R14.

by Anonymousreply 2209/06/2013

Whoever wears the veil with cutaway tuxedo shorts should be given an engagement ring with a sizable diamond in a suspension mounting to keep the diamond flush with either side of the band. To be absolutely clear, the engagement ring is solely for the guy who will carry the bouquet down the isle wearing something borrowed, something blue, something old, something new, with six bits in his shoe.

PS: six bits is .75 us coinage.

by Anonymousreply 2309/06/2013

R23! Another person who knows what 2 bits is! But, I only know it because my nearly retirement age partner taught me what it was and why, this year...

There is a diddy about 2 bits for a haircut, isn't there?

Who here knows WHY 2 bits is a quarter?

by Anonymousreply 2409/06/2013

[quote]There is a diddy about 2 bits for a haircut, isn't there?

The word you're searching for is "ditty," and it's "Shave and a haircut -- two bits," or in some versions, "six bits." It's the familiar "Knockety-knock-knock {pause) knock-KNOCK!" tune (see link).

[quote]Who here knows WHY 2 bits is a quarter?

The Mexican real was a large coin that was stamped or divided into eight smaller bits ("pieces of eight"); "two bits" was therefore a quarter of that coin. When dollars came to be used instead of the real, "two bits" was transferred over but kept the meaning of a quarter -- in this case, a quarter of a dollar. That's also were we get the phrase "two-bit," meaning cheap or tawdry.

by Anonymousreply 2509/06/2013

This is so gay it makes me want to barf. Your gay, stop trying to pretend you're a man and a woman, everyone who sees you with engagement rings is secretly going to laugh at you

by Anonymousreply 2609/06/2013

Men do not wear engagement rings!

This is like when my gay guy friend said he wanted to have his father 'walk him down the aisle'. What??!! We're men for Christ's sake

by Anonymousreply 2709/06/2013

When are you getting divorced?

by Anonymousreply 2809/06/2013

No,R27,we`re gurls .

by Anonymousreply 2909/06/2013

R26/ R27, what's wrong with you? Why would you judge someone's ability to love, and desire to have the same rites of passage as straights?

On some level, we all want to belong in our society, and want to experience the same benefits everyone else does (or at least have the damn option). Why does this turn you off so?

I'm straight, and I'm not secretly laughing. Not at gays who want to marry. Not at gays who want rings or to be walked down the aisle. Though I hate weddings, I'd be the first to congratulate and help celebrate a recognized gay union. We all deserve love.

I'm not even laughing at you, the person who has been hurt so deeply that s/he is afraid to open the heart and love deeply and see all that could be experienced.

If you can't be supportive of others, you'll also find in life that people won't offer it to you, either.

by Anonymousreply 3009/06/2013

I was not aware we were fighting for "wedding equality."

I thought it was for "marriage equality."

by Anonymousreply 3109/06/2013

R30 Do straight people read and write here often? I'm genuinely curious. Are you a man or woman, what interests drew you here?

by Anonymousreply 3209/06/2013

What do you mean by 'getting engaged in October'?

by Anonymousreply 3309/06/2013

R30 has no business telling gay men how to feel about anything. Go away.

by Anonymousreply 3409/06/2013

R32, supposedly, yes, but I think it's largely gay men with a few straights thrown in. We tend to be careful about revealing ourselves due to the nastiness that comes when we do. I only mention my orientation to make a point.

I'm a woman. I don't know that I can answer why well. I feel a general affinity. I'm technically bisexual but like you, my cock-appreciation prevents me from pursuing women. I enjoy the threads, both news-worthy and personal pieces. I enjoy the gossip. I enjoy expanding my horizons, learning about gay culture in a way I wouldn't have access to otherwise. I enjoy the typically left-leaning perspective. I don't enjoy any posts that invalidate homosexuality or race/gender. I probably like and dislike many things you do. I could do without the inane, inflammatory postings, but I enjoy the articulate, well-thought-out responses to everyday questions here. I enjoy the intelligent posters.

I aim to contribute here only when I can support in some way (except for the occasional person who really pisses me off and has it coming...). I usually try to fly under the radar.

by Anonymousreply 3509/07/2013

You're not being supportive, you're being an obnoxious cunt.

by Anonymousreply 3609/07/2013

I don't understand the part about 0P getting engaged in October. It sounds as though they have decided to get married, why is it necessary to have an engagement? Isn't deciding to get married considered being engaged?

by Anonymousreply 3709/07/2013

I don't get it either, but by the sound of the OP, he's never encountered other gay men who married. Possibly, he's never met another gay couple.

by Anonymousreply 3809/07/2013

I hate any and all weddings so, yes, I'm laughing at you, not with you. But congratulations on your forthcoming marriage. That's a truly wonderful event.

by Anonymousreply 3909/07/2013

R34 / R36 is why I don't reveal my gender or orientation, because what is visited upon gays and/or women in society is visited upon straights and/or women on DL.

You're entitled to your view. I encourage people who are down, and there are many on DL who are, only to be met with jeers from people you think have the right to speak here. I'm comfortable with my role.

I don't aim to hurt anyone. Can you claim the same?

by Anonymousreply 4009/07/2013

(I apologize for hijacking this thread's original purpose.)

by Anonymousreply 4109/07/2013

You sound marvelous to me, R30. I have several straight male and female friends on here. Your comments go to the human condition and have nothing to do with orientation, except to the extent we gay men are embittered by the culture we're in.

My husband and I were engaged - he proposed to me - but we chose to wear only wedding rings once married. I don't think we put more thought in it then to save money and, well, who needs two rings?

by Anonymousreply 4209/07/2013

Matching tiaras. And don't bump heads on the way down, on the wedding night.

by Anonymousreply 4309/07/2013

Oh for fuck's sake, the guy wants to have engagement rings. So what? Why do you cunts care? It doesn't have to be some larger political statement. They're in love, happy and excited about their upcoming marriage, so of course you bitter, jealous cunts have to shit all over them.

OP, R17's suggestion sounds nice.

by Anonymousreply 4409/07/2013

OP here.

He lives in Canada, I live in Florida. He will be here next month, and he wants to officially propose then, in front of all my friends.

We've decided to give one another something wearable, similar but not matching, as a sort of token and outward sign that we're engaged. We won't be married until we have ironed out the logistics of moving and citizenship and setting up a home together.

But just to address some of the complaints and questions raised above: We have no desire or need to mimic the straight world. We don't want to be women, we don't want to take some straight convention and twist it to our own devices. We just wanted some way to say to the world, without using words, that we're taken, that we belong to one another.

No, we don't NEED to tell anyone. We just want to proclaim it to the world because we're so happy. This is tremendously unexpected for us both, and rather later in life than usual (I'm 57, he's 44), and all of our friends are understandably shocked, though supportive. My part of Florida isn't exactly gay-friendly, but it's not horrible, either. We could, for example, hold hands in a restaurant without causing a ruckus, but we couldn't make out in public (not that we'd ever think of doing such a thing). We just want to live our lives the way everyone else does. Or rather, as openly as everyone else does, but doing things that feel authentic and right for us.

But no, I don't meet many married gay couples, and I don't know if any traditions have started cropping up among us for engagements and such, so I just thought I'd ask.

by Anonymousreply 4509/07/2013

Good friends of mine got custom matching bands (no stones but lovely etching of words) and wore them on their right hands during engagement, moved to left hand at ceremony. I think this is a custom in other countries/cultures as well.

by Anonymousreply 4609/07/2013

@R45, I still say go with the Rolex.

by Anonymousreply 4709/07/2013

Gay engagement rings is a marketing idea promoted by the jewelers association, like mimicking straights by using "husband" and "wife" to describe your spouse or partner.

by Anonymousreply 4809/07/2013

My little man wanted something blingy and fabulous to show off to his friends (femmy guys & straight girls) and his mother. He only admitted it when he was drunk and I don't think he even remembered saying it. So I got him a big diamond ring that, tbh, looked like something out of the movie Casino to me. It has thick prongs and one big stone - I just googled and didn't really see anything that looked like it, sorry.

He was so happy he cried. And he's definitely a gay guy, I assure r14 and his admirers, so STFU. Your gender angst is unnecessary and unhelpful.

by Anonymousreply 4909/07/2013
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