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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

Together 15 years. And worst part is I still love him but, realize that I have to end this relationship.

Some background....I knew when we met that he had had an issue with drugs previously but, had been clean over 5 years. For a while I even attended NA meetings with him,,,at his invitation. All was fine until about three years ago when there was an incident at his job. He was accused of something he did not do and it was something that could have been a career ender. The charges were eventually found to be baseless but, it sent him into a downward spiral and he started using again.

Counseling and everything seemed fine for a year or so. And then, he lapsed. It has been start & stop for the last three years. Sometimes three or six months will go by and then boom...he falters.

I am at the end of my rope. Logically, I know that it has nothing to do with me. Emotionally, each lapse is a betrayal. I KNOW I need to end this relationship but, there are many mitigating factors. The biggest is financial. Our home, like many others, is under water. We both would come out in debt if we were to sell...assuming we could even do so. The house is set up in such a way that I could easily move to another area leaving him to occupy the rest. We would barely have to see one another. One of us works night, the other days so it would be easy. I am not in a position financially to leave, even to get a crappy apartment.

But, how do I divorce myself emotionally? 90% of the time he is the greatest, sweetest, most generous man. And then there comes the drug use and the disappearing for almost a day.

The last time he fell I told him I was going to remove myself by moving within the house. He told me he didn't really want that even though he understood how I felt. I thought that we talked it out enough to make an impact. But,it has happened again. I know what I need to do and do have the anger and the strength (right now) to do it. But, how do you watch someone self destruct and just stand by. I get so stressed out each time that I don't sleep, or eat , can barely function at work.

Sorry for the length. Just am at a total loss.

by Anonymousreply 909/09/2013

"I know what I need to do and do have the anger and the strength (right now) to do it"

Do it now. Otherwise you will find yourself in this exact situation more than once. I'm sure you have been here before, and it will be the same damn thing in the future if no action is taken. You know what you have to do, take care of yourself first otherwise you cant help out anyone else including him.

Talk to him, let him know everything that's on your mind, and take action.

Yes it will be hard on both of you. It will be a completely new adjustment. I say don't rip the band aid little by little and both of you stay in one place.

Take your space and time in different places. People stay together for that sole reason of property or they don't have another place to be in. Basically its starting all over again. It sucks but you cant start all over with the person living in the same place. It doesn't work that way.

Get yourself up and if you want you can be a friend, and be there for him. But you dont have to be together or live together to be a friend to someone.

by Anonymousreply 109/03/2013

I'm amazed that people like you pay money to post this drivel.

Get a therapist.

by Anonymousreply 209/03/2013

What's the use of wondering,

If he's good or if he's bad,

Or if you like the way he wears his hat.

Yes, What's the use of wondering,

If the ending will be sad.

He's your man and your his feller---

---and all the rest is talk.

by Anonymousreply 309/04/2013

Meth? It will only get worse.

by Anonymousreply 409/04/2013

You need to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want and what you're not getting out of the relationship. By the sounds of it you've made up your mind that you're not in love with him anymore but you're still deeply attached to him, and after a 15 year partnership no one can fault you for that.

My advice is to begin making a separate life for yourself. Get out of the house and spend time with your friends; make new ones; take up new hobbies; travel. Let him know that he still means a lot to you and that you'll always be there for him but you've done your best and it's time to focus on making yourself happy.

by Anonymousreply 509/09/2013

what kind of drug use? and what does his behavior entail?

by Anonymousreply 609/09/2013

Take out a life insurance policy on him now, while you still can!

by Anonymousreply 709/09/2013

OP, you knew it was coming

by Anonymousreply 809/09/2013
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