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Hanging out with co workers

Anybody else here wary of this?

This one woman at my job is always running around trying to invite me to hang out with her and a few other former co-workers after work.

The problem is that I can't stand two of the former co-workers who always attend her get togethers. I tried being nice to them when we worked together. But they were rude, nasty and thought their shit didn't stink. And the one made a big production out of not inviting me to her farewell party when she left the job.

And to be honest, this woman used to talk shit about me with them when they were all there. She's mellowed out a lot in the last few months, but I still don't want to go out of my way to do anything with her. And yes, I still view her with the side eye.

I keep hoping she would gently get the hint (Shit knows I would have by now) and stop asking. But she literally cornered me a few weeks back and asked if I wanted to go out to a bar with everyone this weekend. I said I would see. She kept harping on it for two weeks and today I said I would try to make it, whereas she got the biggest attitude I've ever seen, and acted like she was deeply hurt.

Am I wrong for not wanting to be bothered? I could be a real shithead and tell her the real reason, but the job is closing up in a couple of weeks, and I just want to ride it out without conflict. But I think she's going to make it as difficult as possible.

by Anonymousreply 3509/08/2013

Tell her one of the 2 former co-workers told you the current co-worker bad-mouthed you behind your back. Refuse to tell her which one said it, and what was said. Let her stress over it

by Anonymousreply 108/30/2013

Don't go, OP.

Not worth the aggravation. Are you looking for more friends?

Can any of the personnel of this drama affect your career? If not, bail out on the whole silly idea.

After-hours fraternization is NOT a job requirement.

by Anonymousreply 208/30/2013

I hate socializing with co-workers. Do your job, get out, and be done with it.

by Anonymousreply 308/30/2013

Don't do it. It's ok to form a couple of friendships in the workplace but always a bad idea to hang out with gangs of co-workers.

I actually had a douchebag ask me during a job interview if I would join in for after hours drinks with the department every Friday. He made it sound like it was part of the job. I just smiled my best fuck you smile and said 'I don't drink.' I didn't get the job but, after that, I didn't want it.

by Anonymousreply 408/30/2013

Don't go, but slash their tires.

by Anonymousreply 508/30/2013

I'm under the impression that most mature, level-headed managers really don't want their employees going out and boozing, especially not going out and boozing with coworkers. Managers/supervisors, correct me if I'm wrong.

At a new job I started, I avoided ALL after work socialization with new employees except for an initial happy hour where I had one drink and left. They all still socialize, but I've heard about "drama" they've been having. I still of course go to the work picnics and holiday parties with management but don't trust my coworkers to accurately recount what happened at Happy Hours -- you trying to finish a drink quickly to get out of there could translate to "Wow, Brian sure drank that quickly. I wonder if he has a drinking problem?" All coworkers gossip about each other, no matter what.

What do you think?

by Anonymousreply 608/30/2013

r1, brilliant.

by Anonymousreply 708/30/2013

She doesn't give a shit about you. You just needs someone to drink with. Don't be flattered because none was intended

by Anonymousreply 808/30/2013

I don't hang out with coworkers at all and barely talk to their asses in a social way when I'm at work. In the long run people will appreciate that you stay above the nonsense and just get your work done. I've worked at the same place corporation for almost 11 years now. These fools love me!

by Anonymousreply 908/30/2013

Why is she so keen to get you into a social situation at a bar with two of your former co-workers who clearly didn't like you? Sounds like they want to make you the entertainment for the evening. Are you out at work? Why are you friendly with a co-worker who talked shit about you behind your back? Do you engage in that behavior at work? With her? Sounds like the night will be spent trying to get you to admit you are gay if you are not out, and "look at that guy, he looks like he would be your type", if you are. Don't go. You will regret it.

by Anonymousreply 1008/30/2013

I see those bastards I work with 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I hate the whole lot. I don't want to spend 1 second of my own time with them. Fuck 'em all.

by Anonymousreply 1108/30/2013

This will end in pink slips.

by Anonymousreply 1208/30/2013

R10 I think she might have some regret over what she did and how she treated me. I'm friendly because that's just the type of person I am. I don't sweat the stupid bullshit, because like someone else posted, everyone gets gossiped about. But that doesn't mean that I want to go out and have drinks either. When I go out, I want to be comfortable with people and have a good, stress free time.

I just would not feel comfortable being out with them. And she asks EVERYONE at the job, not only me. Most either don't go or say "They'll try" and don't show up.

by Anonymousreply 1308/30/2013

You are lucky these people are just coworkers and not in-laws or relatives, where it is next to impossible to cut them out of your life. Just keep declining invitations to go out. They will eventually get the message.

by Anonymousreply 1408/30/2013

"This will end in pink slips."

OP will end up drunk and will show his.

by Anonymousreply 1508/30/2013

The most important rule of hanging out with co-workers: no matter what you do, DO NOT HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRINK. You may think because you're not at work it doesn't matter, but believe me it does. You get drunk in front of your co-workers and the next day it will spread like wildfire through the office. Then there will be gossip that you are an alcoholic. Every time you take a sick day, come in late etc. people will be gossiping.

by Anonymousreply 1608/30/2013

r9 you and I do the same. Do co-workers say I'm an uppity bitch? Maybe, but I don't talk to them except to get work done.

by Anonymousreply 1708/30/2013

I did this in my 20s when I moved to a new city and 80% of my immediate co-workers were similarly young and relocated. It was fun at times but it got old very quickly. Also: rampant gossip and ill-judged affairs, which affected work relationships and reputations. I wasn't directly involved with any of that but I witnessed it (and the fallout) often.

A job I held throughout my 30s had various cliques, some of which socialized heavily as a group. I avoided that: they were all straight, suburban and boring. I was rarely invited though so it worked out well. I spent 40 hours a week with those people, FAR more than I did with my partner or real friends. Why would I want to spend more time with them? Unfortunately I think my disinterest in socializing negatively impacted my advancement. I hated that job.

Now I work with mostly old married people, and I'm an old married person, too. We eat lunch in the break room, trade jokes in the hallways, and socialize once a year at the office Christmas party. I like this job best.

by Anonymousreply 1808/30/2013

Don't do it. I learned the hard way. I did it at two different jobs. Never again!!! I always warn friends about that when they start a new job.

by Anonymousreply 1908/30/2013

And even if you stay out of the social spiderwebs, don't even offer an opinion on people and gossip when prompted. It's all a trap!

by Anonymousreply 2008/30/2013

The rule is: don't shit where you eat.

by Anonymousreply 2108/30/2013

It's mutual then, R11. No doubt they all agree that you're a fucking asshole and none of them want to see your sneering face after hours.

by Anonymousreply 2208/30/2013

More cubefag drama!

Stay out of the steno pool. You'll drown

by Anonymousreply 2308/31/2013

The morning after the next night they are all going out on the town, you should take a dump at home, slide it into a tupperware and get to work early, like the first in the office. leave it on YOUR desk and sign it from the woman that invites you to all these bs get togethers. then, go have breakfast somewhere and come back at your usual time, make sure it's after the coworker, and IMMEDIATELY call HR and tell them what happened. Don't even investigate. Let THEM find the note and do the digging around. TRUST, you'll probably end up with a raise, and that woman will NEVER ask you again.

by Anonymousreply 2408/31/2013

Tell her you have the gonnorhea.

by Anonymousreply 2508/31/2013

It's never a good idea to socialize with coworkers. I learned that the hard way.

by Anonymousreply 2608/31/2013

I have this annoying coworker who is much older than me who is always coming and asking me annoying questions about my life (asking if I am getting married, in a relationship, etc.). He used to ask me to hang out with him after work so he could get to know me better'. I have NO interest in socializing with people outside of work, especially him. Nothing personal, beyond his creepy insistence in learning everything about me, but I just want to have work and my personal life seperate.

He's never been promoted and is just like a troll who annoys me. It's getting to the point where I dread going to work because I don't want to have to interact with him. He's straight and married.

What would you do in my situation? Oh, and I'm supposed to be workingo n a project with him.

by Anonymousreply 2709/08/2013

Always a bad idea at my place of employment to hang out after work. People always get drunk, end up screwing each other and they bring their drama to the office.

by Anonymousreply 2809/08/2013

I hate hanging out with co-workers, unless:

- I'm out at work (best-case scenario) - there are major problems with the boss and we are going to bitch non-stop

Other than that, I hate it. Work is work and haning out is more work. Except it's unpaid and eats on your free time.

by Anonymousreply 2909/08/2013

Oh and OP, DO NOT go. Those people are not worth it. And if you do, make THEM uncomfortable with rumors or whathave you, not the other way around.

by Anonymousreply 3009/08/2013

R10 is spot on. Really, OP, do not go.

by Anonymousreply 3109/08/2013

I spend all day with my coworkers - why also dedicate my free time to them?

I also find that the socializing quickly turns to mean-spirited gossip.

by Anonymousreply 3209/08/2013

i used to hang out once in a while with some guys from work (i'm a lesbian in my late 20's) since there are almost no women at work and they really seemed nice enough.

doesn't work. other co-workers gave me the side-eye for socializeing with them. somewhat raunchy jokes (which i don't mind, personally) left different marks on me than they would on them.

i stopped hanging out with them.

by Anonymousreply 3309/08/2013

It can be a good way to get ahead. Go out drinking with the group. Hopefully a superior who can't handle his liquor comes with you guys. Manage to separate him from the herd once he's smashed. Take incriminating photos with your phone implying sexual acts were engaged in. Discreetly, in a non-threatening manner, let him know they exist. This is the most delicate part, because you have to make sure he doesn't get spooked, but he gets worried that the wife and kiddies might end up seeing the pictures. After that, he's under your thumb. Profit!

by Anonymousreply 3409/08/2013

actually, r34 has a good point! a friend of mine did PR for a luxury Japanese car and at a big company get-together, one of her senior VP's was ALL over her (like white on rice!), super into her despite her telling him NO. He continued harassing her at the event and this led to him sending her text messages about what he wanted to do with her. PS: she walked away with $400,000 and a new Lexus!

by Anonymousreply 3509/08/2013
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