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Things on Lea Michelle's "to do" list

As requested.

by Anonymousreply 6407/25/2013

1) Watch videos of Nancy Reagan to learn the best way to coffin kiss and still look classy.

2) Watch clips of Bernadette Peters and perfect the art of 'cry singing'.

3) Screech at Ryan Murphy until he secures rights to 'Left Behind' from 'Spring Awakening' for Glee (special guest performance by Jonathan Groff and his Tiny Tim falsetto).

4) Call colorist for auburn highlights so her hair perfectly matches the hues in the coffin (in tribute to her idol Barbra matching Amy Irvings blush to the apples in the bowl for Yentyl).

5) Find a new gay boyfriend who isn't so fucking tall - perhaps someone in a wheelchair.

6) Practice that Emmy acceptance speech to dedicate it entirely to Cory while speaking of no one except Lea.

by Anonymousreply 107/16/2013

Order custom Philip Treacy fascinator/yarmulke/widow's veil. Patent same. Sign deal with Bergdorfs for boutique distribution.

by Anonymousreply 207/16/2013

7. Suggest pregnancy announcement is imminent.

8. Schedule hospital "spa" day followed by announcement of miscarriage.

9. Arrange for castmates and fellow A list (ha ha) celebrities to plead for my privacy.

10. Grab that Activia ad account from that old hermaphrodite.

by Anonymousreply 307/16/2013

Congratulate the cast of Datalounge for their community theatre production of "Cuntz-a-Poppin!"

by Anonymousreply 407/16/2013

11. Commission a song about Cory that can be sung at funeral. Check into iTunes rights and possible inclusion in next season of Glee.

12. Check with US Weekly, In Touch and People to see which will offer the most for cover story "HER PRIVATE GRIEF." Note: should be done BEFORE Teen Choice Award voting closes (!!!)

13. Changing clothes between funeral and reception -- too tacky? Email Andre Leon Talley

by Anonymousreply 507/16/2013

14) Press conference to announce her charity foundation in honor of Cory but named after herself.

by Anonymousreply 607/16/2013

15) Hold hands with Chord Overstreet

by Anonymousreply 707/16/2013

16. Have someone call Carolyn Kennedy to see if the Jackie veil is available for loan.

17. Twitter that even though the secret engagement will never be consummated with a Wedding of the Millennium as you planned, you still felt like Lea Michelle Monteith. Except now, alone, you just feel like a sad lonely Montooth.

by Anonymousreply 807/16/2013

18. Call Calvin Klein. Request a little black dress, not too sexy but not too Momsy.

19. Sexily faint in Fred Segal (make sure reps call paps first).

20. Decide to nix the funeral bob.

by Anonymousreply 907/16/2013

R6, I'm sure if Caroline is not willing to lend Jackie's, Lee Radziwill would gladly lend hers.

by Anonymousreply 1007/16/2013

Damn, R8.


by Anonymousreply 1107/16/2013

21. Send Cory's drug dealer a heartfelt thank-you note.

by Anonymousreply 1207/16/2013

22. Find a new guy to beard for.

by Anonymousreply 1307/16/2013

23. Study this video. All you need to know about how to publicly mourn. Guaranteed to bring out the waterworks.

by Anonymousreply 1407/16/2013

24. Ditch the heroin (Mark will buy it back).

25. Surprise Matthew by turning up at his NYC gig (the lukewarm reviews will have him off-kilter anyway) and accept his implicit offer to allow you to sing a duet as a tribute. Break down at the end of the first verse, and then "recover" for the final chorus, stepping in front of him and holding the last note for 32 bars, farting silently the way you do the whole time so he's gasping behind you. Pay back's a bitch, "straight guy."

26. Sit in window of apartment where paps can get some good "pensive" shots.

27. Tell press "through a spokesperson" that you had a premonition, and so did Cory, and he promised that you could have his ashes. Because whatever his family says Cory wanted to be cremated after an open-casket wake where you will enact a classic Pola Negri faint every 15 minutes.

28. Plan public ash heave from horseback a la Gene Tierney in LEAVE HER TO HEAVEN. (Starting at 1:26 for the uninitiated.)

by Anonymousreply 1507/16/2013

29. Find a caisson to walk behind.

by Anonymousreply 1607/16/2013

Very funny OP! A friend, who was in the original production of RAGTIME, said Lea was 'difficult'.. and she was a child at the time.

by Anonymousreply 1707/17/2013

Find someone on DL to become the Monteith Loon so he lives on forever.

by Anonymousreply 1807/17/2013

30b. Become an even bigger STAR!

by Anonymousreply 1907/17/2013

That's "Caroline" at R8, of course. Carolyn is loooonnnnnnnnggggggg gone.

"Faster, John! Faster! I'm fucking tired!"

by Anonymousreply 2007/17/2013


On Playbill natch.

by Anonymousreply 2107/17/2013

(31) Send a nice but direct note to Jane Lynch, thanking her for her sympathy but clearly confirming that no, her offer to "comfort" me will not be acted upon, and no, her divorce makes no difference.

(32) Read Elizabeth Taylor biography to see how best to incorporate the death of a loved one into one's career.

by Anonymousreply 2207/17/2013

[quote]Me. Mememe. ME! ME ME ME ME ME ME. Me. ME!!!!!!!!!!!

As she releases a public statement publicly requesting her privacy.


by Anonymousreply 2307/17/2013

[quote] Since Cory's passing, Lea has been grieving alongside his family and making appropriate arrangements with them.


by Anonymousreply 2407/17/2013

So DL was right. "making arrangements" = checking this to-do list

by Anonymousreply 2507/17/2013

Silly r21--the statement was released to People in exchange for putting her, not Cory, on the cover. The cover story will be all about how much she wants to be left alone to grieve in peace.

by Anonymousreply 2607/17/2013

[quote]They are supporting each other as they endure this profound loss together. We continue to ask the media to respect the privacy of Lea and Cory's family.

Family. Not families. That's how much Cory's family loves Lea.

by Anonymousreply 2707/17/2013

(33) Does a short bob seem more fitting for a funeral?

(33a) Black washes me out too much. Can we try for an earthy brown with hints of orange and just a speck of glitter here and there? Subtle but sassy.

(34) Call Dolly Parton to see if she's willing to sing backup on "I Will Always Love You."

by Anonymousreply 2807/17/2013

#1 on the List.

Find out where that fucking dead faggot hid the stash. I paid for half of that fucking heroin and I'll be damned if I let some hotel maid make off with $5000 worth of high grade horse.

by Anonymousreply 2907/17/2013

I smell a first public appearance at September's Emmys where she will surprise the industry and have a "Mrs. Norman Maine" moment for the ages.

by Anonymousreply 3007/17/2013

Re R28, item 34:

Yes, except she will be performing "I Will Always Love You" wearing a Cory mask and angel wings and singing it to an image of herself as she lifts into the rafters.

by Anonymousreply 3107/17/2013

35. Bluff a raise out of Ryan Murphy by telling him that Cory had mentioned seeing some "bathtime" photos at Ryan's house.

by Anonymousreply 3207/17/2013

36. A veil.

No: part veil, part fascinator.

37. Send dress designer link to Madonna "Frozen" video. Can I have a live flock of ravens attached to me? The circle of life....and all that shit.

by Anonymousreply 3307/17/2013

bump it

with a


by Anonymousreply 3407/18/2013

38. Feign tears at some point. Preferably at The Emmy's.

by Anonymousreply 3507/18/2013

L. O. L. R29

by Anonymousreply 3607/18/2013

39. Ban my lesser costars from appearing at the memorial service.

Menzel and Cheno can come, but ONLY if they sing backup for me on my soulful version of "I Will Follow Him."

by Anonymousreply 3707/18/2013

39. Wear a sunny yellow gown to walk the Red Carpet. Your brave smile belies your heartache with tears cascading down your perfectly made up face. When asked about your bold color choice by Ryan Seacrest, reply "It's for Cory. He had such a sunny soul and Monique reached out to me. Monique Lhuillier."

by Anonymousreply 3807/18/2013

40. Fire publicist for two to-dos at 39.

by Anonymousreply 3907/18/2013

[all posts by ham-fisted troll a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4007/18/2013

[quote]Menzel and Cheno can come, but ONLY if they sing backup for me on my soulful version of "I Will Follow Him."

Oh how I wish Lea would follow Cory.

by Anonymousreply 4107/18/2013

[quote]People or US Weekly would be ideal, but InTouch is acceptable as well.

Cory's on the cover of the new US Weekly, solo. Lea must be PISSED.

by Anonymousreply 4207/18/2013

40) Break contract for Glee. Claim Cory appeared to her in a dream and told her she is destined for greatness but only if she leaves the show (It was really Shelley Long masquerading as Cory but what does that bitch know?)

by Anonymousreply 4307/18/2013

41. Take that rifle up to the top of the tallest Chinese restaurant in Vancouver and start shooting. NO FUCKING EMMY NOMINATION????? I'll show THEM ALL!!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 4407/18/2013

Agree to sing the Love Theme from The Normal Heart

by Anonymousreply 4507/18/2013

42) Study youtube clips of black people funerals for the art of properly collapsing on the casket while wailing in abject despair.

by Anonymousreply 4607/18/2013

43. Find out if Matthew Morrison can make his hair look like less of a rat's nest prior to the memorial service.

44. Make sure there is flattering overhead lighting (preferably amber lighting with filters) at the memorial service. It should be *just* bright enough to suggest the hints of bags under the eyes without actually producing human tears.

by Anonymousreply 4707/18/2013

45. Find orchestrator for "Seven Days" tribute at the wake.

by Anonymousreply 4807/19/2013

Watch and study Judy's final scene in "A Star is Born".

by Anonymousreply 4907/19/2013

46) Book the Carlyle for My Cory Story STARRING LEA MICHELLE, WRITTEN BY LEA MICHELLE, MUSICAL ARRANGEMENTS BY LEA MICHELLE, CONCEIVED AND DIRECTED BY LEA MICHELLE. Superimpose 1/10 resolution photos of the fabricated couple over the program. Film same for PBS Great Performances (by that I mean tape it yourself and wait for their inevitable inquiry).

by Anonymousreply 5007/19/2013

[quote] Cory's on the cover of the new US Weekly, solo. Lea must be PISSED.

Can you imagine the phone calls that occurred between Lea and her agent when she found this out?

by Anonymousreply 5107/19/2013

It looks like she can check off, make an appearance/visit at the hotel where Cory died

by Anonymousreply 5207/19/2013

47. Discover this thread during her daily three-hour self-google. Force down cold sense of authentic exposure and send 15th tweet of day to Cory's mom, who you now call "Mom."

by Anonymousreply 5307/19/2013

48. Repeatedly bitchslap stupid cunts who cannot properly spell my last name as MICHELE, not Michelle.

by Anonymousreply 5407/19/2013

49) Purchase live autotune equipment for her 'oh no, i couldn't possibly sing today' moment at the funeral

50) Breathe sigh of relief that she didn't throw herself on the coffin at the cremation.

51) Display genuine bewilderment when she learns how many people wish she had.

by Anonymousreply 5507/20/2013

52) kill again (and again and again and again)

by Anonymousreply 5607/20/2013

53) 'Accidentally' purchase diaphanous black dress and proclaim outrage when the flash pictures expose her cooter.

by Anonymousreply 5707/20/2013

54) Hair: Soft, pulled back, need to read "nice girl", scrunchie?

55) Make-up: soft, nice-girl, pink lipgloss. No eye makeup. Maybe a little red under the eyes for puffy, crying effect.

56) Dress-something simple. Dark, somber, but "nice girl". Approachable. Sleeveless, maybe a scarf to periodically dab at eyes.

57) answering questions about why a nice girl was dating a smack user: have Ryan write something.

by Anonymousreply 5807/20/2013

58 - get tattoos of the baby names that "Cory picked out" for "our little bundles of joy"

59 - Don't forget to leak stories to the press about the baby names, or people will forget my colorful past and confuse it for a downward, sex filled, spiral out of control

by Anonymousreply 5907/20/2013

54) Remake "A Star is Born"

by Anonymousreply 6007/20/2013

55) Call that old bewigged queen and give him permission to rewrite his ballad as "Syringe in the wind". Grant permission to accompany her; schedule rehearsal to choreograph what to do when she stops to cry.

by Anonymousreply 6107/23/2013

56) Find a way to connect her (false) pregnancy with William and Kate.

by Anonymousreply 6207/24/2013

55. Me me me me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! and more me!

56. Trying to be busy at adopted daddy Murphy's home with adopted brother Logan.

57. Praise me me me me meeeeeeeeeee!

58. Michele: How long I should mourn? Publicist: 2 Years.

59. TWO FUCKING YEARS?!!!!!!!!!!!!

60. Books Villa for Wedding in 2015 Summer.

by Anonymousreply 6307/24/2013

Set Maya Angelou poem to music, clock it at 12 min, 42 sec.

by Anonymousreply 6407/25/2013
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