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How hard/exhausting is it to have children?

I'm curious - is it an all-consuming, taxing "calling"? How much work is a child? Does it get tougher, or easier, as a child grows? Any DL parents out there?

by Anonymousreply 2707/13/2013

Notice how no one has replied to this.


Did that answer your question?

by Anonymousreply 107/12/2013

no. They go to school for 8 hours, then to after school activities and then to prison or college. Dogs are much more work.

by Anonymousreply 207/12/2013

I have time, my kids are grown. It all depends on the kid. If you have a special needs kid, or one who has ADHD, you're in for a bumpy ride. Think about it, because it can happen to anyone. It also depends on the kids personality and temperament, which they are born with. Unlike the moldable lump of clay most people imagine they will mold when imagining their baby, the grumy baby is a grump teen. Your influence only goes so far.

It is a lot of work. If your health ever fails while still raising the kid, well God help you.

by Anonymousreply 307/12/2013

"Work" expands to fill the time allotted to it.

by Anonymousreply 407/12/2013

If you are over 35, hell yes.

by Anonymousreply 507/12/2013

If you are an introvert, it can be very taxing.

by Anonymousreply 607/12/2013

I am 40, lesbionic and have a 20 month old. I'm a single parent - planned it that way.

What saved my ass was being able to afford a nanny. It is a lot of work but if you have structure and routine and the right kind of help and community, it can work. If you have a special needs kid, as was described above, you have to do more of course. If you have no family around (I don't) it can get really challenging. And not to mention a lazy ass partner who doesn't contribute. I've listened to enough overwhelmed straight moms bitch about crappy husbands. Then I don't feel bad about doing it alone. Again, having help is important.

by Anonymousreply 707/12/2013

The thing about parenting is that it is relentless. You never really get a break. Sure, eventually they go to school or you can send them to daycare, but really, you are responsible for a little one 24/7. You always have to know where they are and what they are doing. When the kids are home, you have to tend to their needs. My kids are in the early elem. school years and while it is less exhausting than when they were babies and toddler, it is still challenging. You get interrupted every 30 seconds to do something - break up a fight, help them do something, etc etc etc. So it is relentless. Obviously, sometimes it is easy - when they are playing really well together, etc., or when they are at school. But with school, you have parent-teacher meetings, volunteer hours, making lunches everyday, homework, buying school clothes, activities, etc etc. Then, there is the whole dinner, bath, books, bedtime routine, which takes forever. But they are worth it.

by Anonymousreply 807/12/2013

A lot of fat women have one slip out by surprise when they didn't realize ahead of time that they were pregnant. So maybe for fat women it's easier.

by Anonymousreply 907/12/2013

Luckily I have Burtka.

by Anonymousreply 1007/12/2013

I have two and never would have done it if I'd known how awful it is...and I have decent kids.

by Anonymousreply 1107/12/2013

It's easy if you have well behaved kids. If you're one of them minorities it's hard because you have undisciplined children.

by Anonymousreply 1207/13/2013

Hard and tiring especially in the very early years. Worth every minute.

by Anonymousreply 1307/13/2013

It is exhausting and frustrating. You have no freedom, no money, and feel isolated.

And it is the best thing ever.

I sometimes miss going out with friends and hanging out. But then there are many evenings when I have a little boy cuddled next to me, or needing me to kiss a boo-boo, or have a little heart to heart about why it is bad to bonk his brother on the head. And that is actually better.

I can't remember the bars I hung out at 10 years ago. But I know I will always remember kisses and hugs from my boys.

But...don't do it unless you are sure you can live without some freedom. My sister is a single parent of a 9 month old. And she feels like her life it over. The 9 month old is basically my 5th child -- because she is her 90% of the time. Then, on weekends, she gets someone ELSE to watch her. Never spends time with her. If you even remotely think you will end up like that -- don't do it.

However, once they have a child most people find out they would RATHER stay home with baby/child than go to a bar. I think my sister is a bit of an exception, in that she hasn't matured in that way.

by Anonymousreply 1407/13/2013

R14 your sister is a Whooore darling

by Anonymousreply 1507/13/2013

R14 I know of a lot of women like your sister, at least she has you taking care of the baby, I think family takes better care of their own than any nanny or day care center.

Raising kids the right way is hard work. I think a lot of parents don't really have any idea how hard it really is and by the time the kid is 3 or 4 they've given up trying to do it the right way and start doing it the easiest way. They don't want to deal with a fussy 3 year old so they give them what they want. By the time these kids are 5-6 years old they are tiny tyrants who know all the right buttons to push with their parents to get whatever they want.

I own a 24 hr day care and I have had to tell many parents that just because the day care center is open 24 hours a day it doesn't mean they can leave their children here that long. I've known of way too many kids that go to one day care center for 10 hrs during the day then are brought to my day care center for the evening and picked up in the late night/early morning hours after Mom's done partying and brought home to sleep a few hours at home until they are back at day care in the morning. There are a lot of kids being raised by inexperienced, low paid day care workers. Sorry for the rant, it's been a bad night.


by Anonymousreply 1607/13/2013

these women are whores darling ,with a big W


if i were a parent i would only leave my child alone with strangers(daycare workers)under unusual never know what these people are.

women have lost the plot.disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 1707/13/2013

Who cares? Take you crotchfruit stories to ivillage.

by Anonymousreply 1807/13/2013

R8 and r14 have it right. I have two children (ages 9 and 10), a supportive partner and a stressful full-time job.

Babies are incredibly challenging for someone who doesn't have a lot of experience with them. A 3-hour feeding/changing/sleeping schedule for newborns, then hoping that at some point they start sleeping through the night, then dealing with a toddler who only understands the word "no" to mean "do that again!" The learning curve is very steep -- I'm really not surprised when I hear that many poor/young/disadvantaged parents neglect or abuse their kids. They shouldn't have them in the first place.

To do it right, you really have to be committed to the principle of being a parent first, and everything else comes second and lower. Because ultimately, you are more responsible for the children you put on this earth than you are for anything else. Your partner is (hopefully) an adult, your company will survive without you, but your children are completely dependent on you for many years. At my high-level coporate job, if I feel something is outside the scope of my expertise, or beyond my competence, I pass it on to someone else, usually upwards in the hierarchy. Being a parent, you are IT. There's no one to whom you can delegate ultimate responsibility, no matter how inadequate you may feel in certain situations.

For me, it's gotten easier as the kids have gotten older and better able to understand that some things are just not possible, no means no, and there are consequences for your actions.

All that said, I've often thought about throwing in the towel at my job, but I cannot imagine living without my children any more. There is nothing I would not do for them if I thought it were necessary for their well-being.

Watching them develop into ever more complex and interesting human beings is fascinating. Some things about them you understand and recognize instantly (I was just like that!), and some things are completely foreign (he likes math?!), but it's an incredibly absorbing, rewarding experience.

by Anonymousreply 1907/13/2013


I am so glad you posted that. I hadn't yet been unfairly and rudely judged ALL DAY! So glad you filled that gap.

P.S. Did you laugh when you realized your post number was the same as your IQ?

by Anonymousreply 2007/13/2013

I adopted my cousin's bio children when they were both babies/toddlers. She is a drug addict, and has been in and out of prison. The oldest has ADHD, and some physical issues as well. The oldest has so many insecurities, and gets teased a lot. It is the most emotionally draining thing that I have ever dealt with in my life. I was teased as a child (socially awkward lesbian) and it brings out so many feelings of anger and resentment that I felt. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, yet the most rewarding. These kids would be in the foster care system, and probably separated, were it not for me. I try to keep this in mind when I am having a bad day, or feel like they would be better elsewhere. I often wonder if he would be better off with a male raising him. The youngest, a girl, is thriving and doing well.

by Anonymousreply 2107/13/2013

I love R21.

by Anonymousreply 2207/13/2013

You do not want twins - as babies I thought I was going to lose my mind...then they entered preschool and caught their first flu! And then it kept going back and forth between the two. I so clearly remember holding a burning child in my arms, looking up at the sky and yelling, "What the FUCK do you want from me!?!"

And now, looking back - it was the best time in my life!

...and I love R21 too!

by Anonymousreply 2307/13/2013

Just keep popping em out until they start raising each other. Then it's real easy.

by Anonymousreply 2407/13/2013

My parents raised 6 and never mentioned it, but my brother and ex-wife have ONE and you would think they're building the Great Wall of China and leading an expedition to the moon, the way they carry on.

I guess it's all in your attitude.

by Anonymousreply 2507/13/2013

I think there are a lot more expectations placed on parents in the past 25 years than before. Kids are scheduled to the hilt - there were no such things as "playdates" before the 80s'. Let alone outside activities and the constant interaction with teachers and the students' progress and homework. Plus achievement standards for kids to get into good schools has been raised so fucking high.

I think most parents of the 60s and 70s would be considered almost neglectful by today's standards.

by Anonymousreply 2607/13/2013

R26, I agree. It is way more stressful today, as parents feel pressure to keep their kids occupied 24/7. My nephew and nieces don't no how to handle boredom. I think that true creativity comes from having to entertain yourself. It also leads to masturbation, but that's good too.

by Anonymousreply 2707/13/2013
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