My boyfriend said the strangest thing
We celebrated a friend's promotion tonight and my boyfriend got pretty wasted. I just put him to bed, but before he passed out he grabbed my arm and said, and I quote, "I would have no problem destroying you." Then he passed out.
Now I'm all weirded out. I know, get a blog - but isn't that weird?
|by Anonymous||reply 106||11/11/2013|
OP, you in danger gurl...
|by Anonymous||reply 1||06/29/2013|
I am sorry for your troubles, but I have problems of my own.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||06/29/2013|
Are you dating Darth Vader by any chance? I bet he's hot under all that armor.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||06/29/2013|
He probably means your hole.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||06/29/2013|
Sounds like he was practicing his Victoria Grayson impression, but in his drunken state he mixed up the words a little.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||06/29/2013|
Maybe he meant that he'd have no problem fucking you until your ass is destroyed.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||06/29/2013|
[all posts by ham-fisted troll a removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 8||06/29/2013|
Maybe you said something at dinner that quietly pissed him off. Think back.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||06/29/2013|
Sleep with one eye open, gurl!
|by Anonymous||reply 10||06/29/2013|
Has he ever said or put out this kind of vibe before?
I had a bf who would say vile things out of the blue and yes it ended very badly.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||06/29/2013|
[all posts by ham-fisted troll a removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 12||06/29/2013|
Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer...think about it.
A true lover would never say that, especially when he's drunk. For he's stating something he would dare not say to you, because its in his inner mind.
Remember, wherever you go, there you are!
|by Anonymous||reply 15||06/29/2013|
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THEI HOUSE, OP!
|by Anonymous||reply 16||06/29/2013|
It sounds like he doesn't love you. If he blew you off, he wouldn't care.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||06/29/2013|
Since he was wasted OP, I'm gonna say he still thought he was at dinner, had no idea who you were and his inner monologue about the friend's promotion came out which is why he got so wasted in the first place. Your friend should watch his back...or what R10 said.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||06/29/2013|
Tough call. Sometimes when people are drunk they say something they think is funny and assume it will taken as joke and nothing more. And sometimes when people are drunk they say things they really feel but would never say out loud when they are sober. Has he ever said something in the past while sober that was really off the wall but was clearly not meant to be taken seriously?
|by Anonymous||reply 19||06/29/2013|
He's deeply pissed off. Only you know or do not know why.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||06/29/2013|
No, even wasted he knew who you are. If your in a new relationship, still hot and bothered with each other then the others are correct, he wants to destroy that ass.
But if things are going so well, he might be harboring some anger towards you that slipped out.
In that case, he is an ass ready to make your life a lot like this:
|by Anonymous||reply 21||06/29/2013|
It's because you over-cooked the roast, OP. Remember? Two years ago in March?
|by Anonymous||reply 22||06/29/2013|
He's jealous of your friend's promotion, and mistakenly (drunkenly) took his anger out on you.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||06/29/2013|
Or, he wants to rape your friends ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||06/29/2013|
I've had a couple of close friends get so drunk they thought I was someone else. I can't remember details but I said something to them that triggered thoughts of someone else and they talked to me as if I were these people.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||06/29/2013|
If I take like 20mgs of Xanax and get drunk, my blacked-out self can do and say weird, funny, and sometimes vicious/threatening thing.
One time (according to my friends) I told a male stripper, "No thanks, I can see a bigger one at home for free." For some reason I was asked to leave the club.
Another time, I stood up through the sunroof and screamed at a cop, "How much, sexy? I'm into uniforms."
Then one time I ended up in the Lohan suite at the hospital. Woopsie!
|by Anonymous||reply 26||06/29/2013|
Was Tyler wearing his trademark Madea outfit when he said it?
|by Anonymous||reply 27||06/29/2013|
Drunk people say all kinds of crazy stuff , OP I wouldn't worry about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||06/29/2013|
That would weird me out too, OP, because it's a really fucked up thing to say. Just ask him about it in the morning.
Does he have a mean streak? How long have you been dating?
|by Anonymous||reply 29||06/29/2013|
Please tell us his name isn't Brandon...
|by Anonymous||reply 30||06/29/2013|
Nothing from OP in three hours.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||06/29/2013|
Let the alcoholic fucker wake up to an empty bed..an empty closet..an empty residence and NO boyfriend.
He may subconsciously think he has the ability to destroy you but show him the only thing he's destroyed is the relationship.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||06/29/2013|
OP, if you need me, you know where to find me.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||06/29/2013|
Relax, he was talking to the cockroach on the wall
|by Anonymous||reply 36||06/29/2013|
Not normal thing to say even for a wasted person. Don't confront him but don't blow it off either. Keep your eyes open. He's got big problems and you probably aren't safe. Good luck.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||06/29/2013|
Did he say this with an English accent, while pretending to be standing behind a Plexiglas/elephant-tusk desk while scheming to launch a hostile takeover of Denver-Carrington?
|by Anonymous||reply 38||06/29/2013|
First contrary to popular belief, alcohol is not a truth serum, it makes you irrational. Talk to him about it and explain what a negative impact his comment has had on you. He probably won't remember it, but maybe together if you replay the evening you both can think of what must have prompted him to say that. Maybe he was very envious of your friend who told him an ugly story involving stepping on other people to get where he is.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||06/29/2013|
[quote]First contrary to popular belief, alcohol is not a truth serum, it makes you irrational.
In vino veritas.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||06/29/2013|
I'm just saying it might be a good idea to keep a big knife under your pillow
|by Anonymous||reply 41||06/29/2013|
R39, it does make you irrational, but it also lowers inhibition and that can cause you to say things you feel and think, but wouldn't ordinarily say out loud.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||06/29/2013|
Who here hasn't gotten drunk and told someone you love them - then remembering it the next day and regretting it?
|by Anonymous||reply 43||06/29/2013|
R43: But it was always true, wasn't it?
|by Anonymous||reply 44||06/29/2013|
OP's boyfriend resents (hates?) him...scary. The question is: Why?
|by Anonymous||reply 45||06/29/2013|
OP tell this story to your BF, only make it sound as if its about a friend and his bf. See what response you get.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||06/29/2013|
I'm sorry miss, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||06/29/2013|
I doubt your boyfriend was in any condition to recognize he was talking to you.
Drunks have an internal stream of consciousness that wouldn't make sense to anyone else, not even to themselves when they're sober. Anyone who hears a snippet of that stream will be baffled because there's no context.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||06/29/2013|
OP here, he's pretty hung over this morning and I'm not going to bring it up. I'm sure it was just a drunk thing and I was over-thinking the comments of a man who had a little too much scotch. Thank for the responses, especially the funny ones.
R7, he is bigger than me. I'm 6'0/175 and he's 6'3/225.
r11, Not really. But he is crazy jealous.
r23, perhaps. They're at the same firm, and even though they're good friends, my bf doesn't think the friend does a good job.
r29, he has a temper, but nothing that I care about. We've been together 2 years.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||06/29/2013|
[quote] If I take like 20mgs of Xanax and get drunk,
Honey, if you took 20 mg of Xanax, you wouldn't be conscious enough to get drunk.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||06/29/2013|
I'm think he wanted to destroy your ass.
Are you keeping secrets? Do you feel guilty?
Just ask him when he wakes up but he probably won't remember.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||06/29/2013|
OP, I'd be careful. Are you the Linda Evans in the relationship? His inner Joan Collins is just one slap away from coming out.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||06/29/2013|
[quote]....he has a temper....
Red flag! And why don't you care? He sounds like a big, fat jerk.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||06/29/2013|
Oh, I SO agree with R53. WHEREVER that creepy comment came from, it's not a good place. SUCH an angry, violent thing to say, even in a drunken stupor. I think it would forever sort of change the way I looked at the boyfriend; I would keep that comment in my back pocket. And wait for more.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||06/29/2013|
I agree with r53 and r54.
OP, you've already got some classic warning signs of a potentially dangerous partner. Crazy jealousy is one and a bad temper is another. Although you said his temper doesn't affect you, I'm betting that you've already altered some of your behavior around it. Maybe, you haven't altered it so much that it bothers you yet, but just wait.
And if those red flags weren't enough, that comment is just a blatant one. There is NO reason to say something like that if it isn't a warning or some kind. He's letting you know something and you should listen.
I think you need to be alert and observant. For god sake's listen to your intuition. You wouldn't be posting on here if your intuition wasn't telling you that something is wrong. There is practically no violent or abusive situation that comes without any warning and now you've had a few. The problem is that by the time the violence occurs, the receiver of the violence has already gotten very used to blowing off abnormal behavior that they are dulled to the obvious signals to "get out now".
Sorry if I sound dire, but people get killed by their partners every day.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||06/29/2013|
I think it means rough sex.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||06/29/2013|
Hi OP. I too have a temper. I think that's no big deal, so long as the temper isn't abusive - that is the key. I blow up easily because I have a passionate personality. Everyone who is attracted to passionate people knows there is a plus and a minus. With me, no low blows, no hitting. Just pushy, whiny, and demanding. I aim to be fair, but if I'm not and my partner confronts me, I concede. Is that like your bf? You sound like an even-keel type. Even-keel people create good balance for passionate people, being able to take outbursts in stride.
The crazy jealousy thing could be an issue, especially if it leads to irrational behavior and the person is prone to get physical (I'm not, I just yell and cry).
I strongly disagree with everyone who says keep it to yourself. The way to bliss in relationship is through staying current and transparent about everything. The way to a failed relationship is through keeping things to yourself. The passionate person is capable of intimacy and depth like most are not. You have an opportunity here. Don't squander it.
Tell him what he said and say it makes you feel unsafe. Tell him you can only have a relationship with him if you feel safe. Then be quiet and see what he says. Does he blow it off, or laugh it off to drunkenness? Does he take it seriously? Does he indicate that he wants to make you feel safe? Needing to make you feel safe is crucial. He needs to show that you matter to him, that you feeling comfortable in the relationship is a foundational requirement. If he doesn't answer in a way that feels right, then you really have to sit with that and look at what you're doing with your life and with this person.
The path to deeper intimacy can be uncomfortable briefly, but so worth it. Makes everything better.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||06/29/2013|
R58, I think the OP already doesn't feel safe because of the comment. And some other stuff. So, "bargaining with the devil" really is not smart, is it? Intuition about a person is much more important than tipping your hand. You can't reason with a scorpion. It will always sting you. I suggest NOT talking about it. LISTEN TO PEOPLE. THEY WILL SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. And when they say things. BELIEVE THEM. You don't need to "talk it out" sometimes.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||06/29/2013|
I don't know why but this made me giggle. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. Maybe you should get some bondage gear, dress up and when he comes home from work be there with all this gear on and your tuchas up in the air. Might do the trick.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||06/29/2013|
R59, I don't think so. I think OP is already comfortable with his partner, and this was a disconcerting anomaly. It's good he's thinking about it and not just blowing it off.
People are quick to jump out of relationships. Too many people don't give themselves, their partners, and their relationships a chance to grow. We're all skittish like deer. Why not see what else is possible with the one you already care about?
Also, I've said and done some crazy things at times. I have lost friends and relationships because of it, when they could have just shared their real feelings and I could have shifted things. Granted, I'm reasonable and not crazy. I don't know if the bf is crazy, but it's worth a shot to believe one's partner is capable of growth.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||06/29/2013|
R58, if you have temper and you blow up easily and you think "that is no big deal," then you get what you get. No WONDER you have lost friends and relationships. "Shifted things" my ass. My motto is "let people show you who they are. In time, they will." All one has to do is wait and watch. Who wants a friend with a "temper?" What the hell is THAT? Being on pins and needles around someone, never feeling completely comfortable and not knowing when they were going to go off about something? Not for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||06/29/2013|
By temper I mean I freak out about things easily. I rant about politics, I rant about the driver who nearly made me crash, etc. I don't blow up at friends. Neither do I act like I'm on quaaludes without an emotion or personality. But I've made faux pas and not realized it, because my friends weren't honest enough to confront me.
You're entitled to do as you wish. I like to see humans as works in progress rather than expecting people to be perfect without quirks. If people are willing to grow, I work with them and give them a chance. That's one of the ways I show that I care, by letting them know they were out of line and that doesn't work for me. Which hopefully creates a conversation and mutual understanding. If they prove to be faking it or not interested in improving themselves, those are the people I walk from.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||06/30/2013|
Smother him in his sleep tonight.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||06/30/2013|
6"3, 225? Hot. Stay with him even if it kills you.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||06/30/2013|
R64, okay your explanation makes you sound much more like a NICE person who is just "excitable," shall we say. There is a difference between people like you who are passionate people (the type that friends say about them "Oh, Bob, calm down. And then they turn to someone and say "He GETS like this." with a loving eye roll) vs. true, scary assholes who excuse their own anger and abuse with "It's just how I am. Take it or leave it."
No matter what, if my boyfriend (or ANYONE) said to me, drunk or not, "I would have no problem destroying you," I would be creeped out so much. How DISTURBING is that statement!
|by Anonymous||reply 67||06/30/2013|
OP threatened him first, I'm guessing, but being a borderline doesn't remember what he himself said.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||06/30/2013|
OP, it's over. He knows, you don't. You call him your boyfriend ... ok, but he is not your life. Get out now.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||06/30/2013|
OP I think he means he wants to destroy your ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||07/01/2013|
OP, GET OUT OF THERE.
It's pretty clear cut. He coldly threatened you with destruction. He probably feels you flirted too much with the promoted friend or whoever.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||07/01/2013|
OP, I’m a little worried about you. Jealousy mixed with "a bit of a temper" plus him saying such a violent thing equals one night he might accidentally kill you. What more warning sign do you need? CNN just ran an article on the Lauren Astley murder being used as a case example for teens in high schools to look out for one another and be on the watch for early warning signs of domestic abuse and relationship violence. You'd be remiss not to consider this event, on top of the things you've already told us, to be just that.
I would consider ending the relationship or at least addressing these concerns with him (in a public place).
|by Anonymous||reply 73||07/01/2013|
OP, have you confronted your boyfriend about said statement?!
|by Anonymous||reply 74||07/01/2013|
Pillow. Face. Slight pressure. Crisis averted.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||07/01/2013|
In his drunken state he thought you were his REAL boyfriend.
Of course you could always ask him, share your concern, and weep. You're good at that, aren't you?
|by Anonymous||reply 77||07/01/2013|
OP's boyfriend had no problem destroying him.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||07/11/2013|
Wasn't your boyfriend talking about your friend, the one who got a promotion?
|by Anonymous||reply 80||07/11/2013|
Didn't any of you see OP's post at R49?
|by Anonymous||reply 81||07/11/2013|
Silence from OP. Has he been destroyed?
|by Anonymous||reply 82||07/13/2013|
I think Halle Berry should play the part of OP in "Sleeping with my Destroyer"
|by Anonymous||reply 83||07/13/2013|
You're Bobby Ewing, aren't you? And you've been fucking J.R. all along! I knew it!
|by Anonymous||reply 84||07/13/2013|
No I have not been destroyed.I just never mentioned it to him and we were on vacation and there were no issues. So I'm going to just let it rest and avoid any drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||07/13/2013|
There's only one solution: surprise anal.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||07/13/2013|
OP, you are really not very bright if you don't bring this up with him and discuss. But if you don't, you deserve what's coming down the pike.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||07/13/2013|
My boyfriend just told me that his parents hate me and that it would be best if I don't participate in his family events any longer. It has nothing to do with the gay thing, they just don't like me. What kind of people would tell their son that they hate his boyfriend and not to bring him around anymore?
|by Anonymous||reply 88||11/11/2013|
r88, what do you think of the parents? Is this mutual? Are they "hateful" people? Or are you a douche?
|by Anonymous||reply 89||11/11/2013|
OP just wanted a thread of his own, he's good now, all stoked up on drama and attention. His boyfriend is 5'9", 165 and said "I could destroy a bucket of chicken and it wouldn't bother me a bit". Then he prepared two sandwiches, a glass of milk and a moon pie.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||11/11/2013|
Actually OP I've used those very words when drunk, but I don't remember why or to whom.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||11/11/2013|
r88, please post more info. What is the family like?
|by Anonymous||reply 92||11/11/2013|
He was channeling Alexis Carrington.
|by Anonymous||reply 93||11/11/2013|
Is OP's boyfriend a Scorpio, by chance?
|by Anonymous||reply 94||11/11/2013|
R88 - homophobes
Seeing you two together is worse than just "knowing" he is gay..
|by Anonymous||reply 95||11/11/2013|
I'm sorry R92, I posted and then my power went out. Anyway, I thought they were nice people. Very down to earth, working class folks. I didn't get any weird vibes from them. This whole thing totally came out of the blue. I asked my bf if it was something that I did or said and he said that they just don't like me and that he would have to go solo to his family events from now on. The whole thing is strange.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||11/11/2013|
No R95. They're not homophobes. They've accepting, both of them and his family.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||11/11/2013|
R96 maybe boyfriend is making it up for some reason?
|by Anonymous||reply 98||11/11/2013|
But why, r98? I believe him, but he is very close to his family. So how far can this relationship go if his parents hate me?
|by Anonymous||reply 99||11/11/2013|
What have your interactions been like with his family? It sounds like you aren't telling us the whole story.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||11/11/2013|
A few dinners, one Thanksgiving, a beach trip. That's it r100. I thought they all went well, I guess I was wrong.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||11/11/2013|
It sounds very fishy imo. Do you have another way of checking the accuracy of your bfs statement?
|by Anonymous||reply 102||11/11/2013|
Does he have an ex his family adored? Or is it possible he's thinking of ending things with you and wants to stop bringing you around for that reason, but hasn't found a way to actually end your relationship?
|by Anonymous||reply 103||11/11/2013|
[quote]What kind of people would tell their son that they hate his boyfriend and not to bring him around anymore?
Good question. From what you've said there were no fights and you thought everything was going well. It doesn't add up, does it?
My gut tells me r98 is right.
Why would your partner go along with his parents on this? Wouldn't your partner want to know what their reasons were? Wouldn't he be on your side if they didn't have a good reason?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||11/11/2013|
Maybe he wants an excuse to leave alone so he can cheat on you.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||11/11/2013|
there's someone else/he's on his way out...no one would just decide to not bring his partner to family events anymore without some important reason, or at least have a talk about what to do about it, how to solve it. Ugh, so sorry OP...this doesn't smell right at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||11/11/2013|