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Antonin Scalia Arrested Trying to Burn Down Supreme Court

WASHINGTON 6-26-13 (The Borowitz Report)—In a shocking end to an illustrious legal career, police arrested Justice Antonin Scalia today as he attempted to set the Supreme Court building ablaze.

Justice Scalia, who had seemed calm and composed during the announcement of two major rulings this morning, was spotted by police minutes later outside the building, carrying a book of matches and a gallon of kerosene.

After police nabbed Justice Scalia and placed him in handcuffs, the Juror appeared “at peace and resigned to his fate,” a police spokesman said.

“He went quietly,” the spokesman said. “He just muttered something like, ‘I don’t want to live in a world like this.’ ”

Back at the Supreme Court, Justice Scalia’s colleagues said they hoped he would get the help he needed, except for Justice Clarence Thomas, who said nothing.

by Anonymousreply 606/26/2013

OP couldn't get a job at The Onion.

by Anonymousreply 106/26/2013

[quote]except for Justice Clarence Thomas, who said nothing.

That's funny. A short time ago, Thomas said a sentence, his first comment in more than a decade, and NPR's Supreme Court reporter, Nina Totenberg, was off that day. She missed that historic moment when the jackass spoke.

by Anonymousreply 206/26/2013

That guy is never, ever funny but I bet his dick is enormous.

by Anonymousreply 306/26/2013

On Jan 14, 2013 Clarence Thomas broke seven years of silence in the court room when he compared the affirmative action program at the University of Texas to slavery.

by Anonymousreply 406/26/2013

Thomas knows, as do we all, that he was put in his seat as a token. He's a waste of space.

by Anonymousreply 506/26/2013

This is even better than the time the broken up Supremes were on stage and Diana snatched the live microphone from that other Mary,

by Anonymousreply 606/26/2013
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