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My father died

and I think I'm going be Joan Crawforded in the will...

Besides write a book what do I Do?

by Anonymousreply 3607/03/2013

Geez sorry OP was your Dad an ass?

by Anonymousreply 106/25/2013

OP. Been there. Just relax and wait.

by Anonymousreply 206/25/2013

Wow, your pain is doubly bad. Sorry OP. Are you a grounded, strong person in your life already?

by Anonymousreply 306/25/2013

For reasons which are well known to you, OP

by Anonymousreply 406/25/2013

You are not owed your father's money.

by Anonymousreply 506/25/2013

Shouldn't that be Christina Crawforded, OP?

by Anonymousreply 606/25/2013

No R6, OP is correct since Joan Crawford did the doing not Christina.

by Anonymousreply 706/25/2013

r5 - it's not about the money, it's about the shitty message it give the child. It happened to me and it hurts.

by Anonymousreply 806/25/2013

You act like whatever you dont get doesn't mean a thing when you are arround the people that will gloat and be happy to see you upset. You tell your true feelings to your true friends. They will be there for you. Then you come back here and tell us all the dirt on everyone in your family.

by Anonymousreply 906/25/2013

My very sorry for your loss, I didn't get much from my dad either, he left me $ but my evil mother took it and gave it to her children (from a previous marriage). Basically, my whole family died. The closest person to me now is my long term partner.

Hang in there OP.

by Anonymousreply 1006/25/2013

R8 is absolutely correct. If there are siblings that get treated more favorably that sticks he knife in that much deeper. OP if you care to elaborate maybe some could share similar situations and what got them through it (as much as you can get over something like this)

My aunt tried to cut my mom out of her share since she was the trustee of the estate and had my grandmas Power of Attorney mu momcalled her out pretty shitty thing to do

by Anonymousreply 1106/25/2013

Do NOT bury him in the Pet Semetary.

by Anonymousreply 1206/25/2013

Its true its not about the money its about one last hurt...

by Anonymousreply 1306/25/2013

Posting this only proves he was right in doing so.

by Anonymousreply 1406/25/2013

Let. it. go.

by Anonymousreply 1506/25/2013

Earn a good living, just like he did.

by Anonymousreply 1606/26/2013

R1 my dad had 2 faces. Great to the outside world but mean and hatful to immediate family members who didn't comply like me...

Nothing is official. I think my mother gets everything (his wife who I have a great relationship with) but my sister said somehow they are going to bypass that..

Here's my problem. If I don't go to reading of the will and I get nothing he doesn't hurt me. If I don't go and the oft chance I get something do I miss out? I don't want to be present to see a favored child get a higher amount while I get less or nothing. He wouldn't even buy me a gallon of milk so I would be shocked if he gave me more than a dollar. Which is the amount he said he was giving to my sister who he also didn't approve of...

I'm not going to pretend I have a partner or friends to tell my problems to. That's why I post here...

After typing this I have decided to not go to any will reading...

by Anonymousreply 1706/26/2013

They actually have will readings? I thought it was a dramatic device in movies. I've worked for an estates and trusts lawyer for 25 years and never heard of an actual will reading.

by Anonymousreply 1806/26/2013

You don't have to attend the reading in order to receive your inheritance. The executor is normally required to inform you of your inheritance and make arrangements to transfer it to you. You may want to research the probate laws of the state you live in.

by Anonymousreply 1906/26/2013

OP is auditioning to be the new Virginia Andrews ghostwriter.

by Anonymousreply 2006/26/2013

My advice is to just forget about him since you can't change the past. At least you survived, and you exist, as terrible as he was at least he helped give you that.

I definitely think a lot of people can relate to knowing someone who is nice to strangers, but terrible to everyone actually in their life. A lot of people probably thought my dad was nice, he sure wasn't.

by Anonymousreply 2106/26/2013

I have no interest in other people's things. I have what is mine and that is enough for me.

by Anonymousreply 2206/26/2013

Yep....happened to me...there were dueling wills. I was in one not the other.

I could have fought and had it gone to mediation. I was so emotionally distraught by the whole circumstance that I just couldn't go through with it.

It wasn't a great sum of money,but I had helped everyone in my family ...some to a great extent. Friends couldn't believe how generous I had been and thought my siblings were mainly just jealous because my partner and I had worked hard and been frugal all our lives.

My mother was a mean and misguided woamn...she put one sibling in as her what is it guardian...and the poor thing never got any pain medication while she was dying of cancer...very complicated story of other siblings sung siblings in court...two atty's in family.

Hollywood could get a full miniseries out of it.

Upshot ...I only speak to one sibling out of has alterted my life since I invested so much of myself in my extednded family. Now I have so very few people I am engaged with....I have lost the desire to care anymore.

by Anonymousreply 2306/26/2013

Can I have his stuff? I don't have any stuff and I look around and think, hey, where is MY stuff? How come I don't have any stuff? Everyone has stuff except for me! What about me? What about me??

So, can I have his stuff?

by Anonymousreply 2406/27/2013

Sorry to hear that OP. I'm sending you a hug.:)

by Anonymousreply 2506/27/2013

Sadly OP lives in the USA (we presume) where English law governs.

Had OP been fortunate enough to have been born in Europe, where Roman Law and Napoleanic Code governs, her father's stash would be divided more or less this way:

half immediately to all natural children with more going to the eldest son.

half to the wife.

by Anonymousreply 2606/28/2013

OP, your description of your father (mine was like that, too) reminds me of a German expression I read about in the late (1996!) Herb Caen's column (SF columnist, if you are anywhere near my age (OLD) or well-informed, you might have heard of him). I can't remember the German phrase (any German-speakers present?) but roughly translated it meant:

"Street angel, house devil."

I'm sorry for your loss and the beyond-the-grave-sounding spitefulness. If other family members try to lord it over you, maybe tell them, you make your OWN money.

by Anonymousreply 2706/28/2013

It gives you an excuse to erase him. Never mention him, never visit his grave.

Relatives are just people we're more related to than others.

by Anonymousreply 2806/28/2013

R27, that describes my (deceased) father perfectly. My cousins were all, "Oh, your father was such a great guy, blah, blah, blah."

Great. You loved him so much. You can do all the pallbearer and speaking about him crap at the funeral. I wish I hadn't even gone.

by Anonymousreply 2906/28/2013

Money isn't everything

by Anonymousreply 3006/28/2013

This is why being an only child, and having all of the relevant documents including the living trust paperwork, and the deeds to the houses, in your possession, is IMPERATIVE!

by Anonymousreply 3106/28/2013

It's not at all unusual to leave your entire estate to your spouse. The estate might not even go through probate if everything was owned jointly with the spouse. My father didn't leave me any money; he left it to my mother. When she died 30 years later, I got the money. It's pretty standard. Where you get into a will contest situation is when a parent remarries and leaves their money to the evil step-parent rather than the kids or when a widowed or divorced parent cuts a child out of the will. But if the parent has a surviving spouse, as in OP's case, and the surviving spouse is OP's mother, I don't see what the fuss is about.

by Anonymousreply 3206/28/2013

Are you even grieving at all that your dad's dead? You seem more concerned with whether or not you have an inheritance.

I'm with R14.

by Anonymousreply 3306/28/2013

OP I've posted several posts on this topic in the past.

Here's my sordid story. My father disowned me years ago. He was a horrible father; emotionally, physically and sexual abusive. He tried multiple times to rape my sister when she was 16. She use to run and sleep in the car to escape him. He use to beat my mother senseless. Surprised we actually lived through it. This was back in the very early 70s/late60s.

In 1973 my mother finally divorced the asshole. I was the youngest and went to go live with my mom. My older brother went into ypte army and my sister moved out and lived on her own with a roommate.

By the early 80s, my sister started to talk and become friendly with dear old dad. She had any counseling, so I'm wasnt sure what the motivation was at the time.

My sister got married a couple of times, had a couple of kids and became thick as thieves with dad and his girlfriend. Her husband left her in the early 90s and she became even closer to Dad/girlfriend.

My brother was always was the favorite son (te Golden child) was rewarded with lots of $$$. Dad was wealthy. Sister also went to that well often

Faster forward to 2010. Dad is in his 80s, has a car accident and signs over his house deed to my siste (forget what it's actually called). The home is worth $1 million Dad wants house back. Lots of fights ensue with dad ad. girlfriend. Oh, dad gave brother $100,000 to help him out after he got out of jail for animal abuse.....father sues sister and takes her to court. Sister now hates father ad won't give the house.

I do feel sympathy for my sister (not my brother) cause I know she's been through a lot of shit, but my feeling is when she sells the home she should divide the proceeds 1/3 each between the 3 kids. Just fair and square.

There's a lot more to my story.... But to net iit out: I' feel your pain, OP

( it felt good to get that all out)

by Anonymousreply 3406/28/2013

I'm sure you have heard this before r33 but people grieve in different ways...

I think I'm slowly making peace with him. Maybe he is at a place where his meanness has been cured and he is proud of me..

So much bad has happened recently I don't even want to get into...

My mother is mentally ill but sharp as a tack but I don't want the money. I want my mother deliriously happy for the next 20 years...

by Anonymousreply 3507/03/2013

[quote]"Street angel, house devil."

My neighbor was like that. He was a raging alcoholic who beat his wife and kids at home, but one of the most popular guys in town when he was out in public.

When the truth came out, no one could believe he was an alcoholic, they all said, "Jim never had a drinking problem. He would stop in after work, but he never had more than a couple cocktails."

It was fun to watch the penny drop when they did the math and realized that, while he never had more than a couple drinks in any one bar, he stopped at every fucking bar in town between his office and home.

by Anonymousreply 3607/03/2013
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