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The Principality of Caftania

What does Caftania look like? Who lives there? What happens there?

by Anonymousreply 56May 3, 2019 2:57 AM

The Prince of Caftans

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by Anonymousreply 1June 25, 2013 3:21 PM

Who is she? Who was she? Who does she hope to be?

by Anonymousreply 2June 25, 2013 5:35 PM

R1: The Afghan Caftan

by Anonymousreply 3June 25, 2013 5:39 PM

Independence Day is June 10, 1922 - and is a national holiday.

Retirement age is 30 - when all senior citizen benefits kick-in and you are placed in a walled compound so no one can look at you.

The air is actually scented with cookies.

by Anonymousreply 4June 25, 2013 5:52 PM

The patron saint is Allan Carr.

by Anonymousreply 5June 25, 2013 5:58 PM

The president is a Blatino husbear.

The fashion industry has the most powerful lobbyists.

The Caftania national anthem. "Express Yourself", is lip synched by a drag queen before every ice skating competition.

The police all wear jockstraps and tear-away pants.

by Anonymousreply 6June 25, 2013 6:08 PM

Whoever lives there, I hope it doesn't have internet connection. Of course, that would be another nail in the DL coffin.

by Anonymousreply 7June 25, 2013 6:09 PM

Cheryl is the Secretary of Stank.

by Anonymousreply 8June 25, 2013 9:10 PM

All worship at the feet of Saint Merv (Griffin).

by Anonymousreply 9June 25, 2013 9:14 PM

I think that would be your coffin, r7.

by Anonymousreply 10June 25, 2013 9:14 PM

Andre Leon Talley is now free to take up the Secretariat of Swirl.

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by Anonymousreply 11June 25, 2013 9:19 PM

The First Lady of Caftania is, of course, Bette Midler.

by Anonymousreply 12June 26, 2013 3:25 AM

The Royal Jewels consist only of earrings.

by Anonymousreply 13June 26, 2013 3:41 AM

It's occupied by young "not gay" types under 30, who have created this imaginary land in their fevered anti-aging mind.

by Anonymousreply 14June 26, 2013 3:45 AM

The clocks are all set to Mussey Time!

by Anonymousreply 15June 26, 2013 3:50 AM

Ocean view

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by Anonymousreply 16June 26, 2013 3:57 AM

The Home Depot has only bears working there. The garden department stocks only roses and geraniums.

by Anonymousreply 17June 26, 2013 4:35 AM

It probably looks a lot like Palm Springs, California.

by Anonymousreply 18June 26, 2013 5:36 AM

Caftania maintains its record for the volume of mail sent to US Prisons. (This mail incidentally is written in careful cursive, which sometimes loses its poise.)

Non-Death Row cagemeat has been known to visit Caftania, and occasionally to settle. (There's a steady demand for new houseboys.) Such visits don't always end regrettably.

by Anonymousreply 19June 26, 2013 6:15 AM

The only comic strips are Garfield, Cathy, and Rose Is Rose.

Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.

Trade embargo with Canada in response to that nation's new ban on poppers.

by Anonymousreply 20June 26, 2013 6:48 AM

R17, don't forget the ferns.

by Anonymousreply 21June 26, 2013 8:36 AM

There are lots of comely young nephews. LOTS.

by Anonymousreply 22June 26, 2013 8:40 AM

The Municipal Library has the world holdings of In Touch & After Dark magazine; plus signed copies of The Lord Won't Mind (some pages stuck), The Front Runner, The Charioteer, Crocodile Of Choirboys, and The Wonderful World Of Liberace.

by Anonymousreply 23June 26, 2013 8:52 AM

Caftania is home to the foremost Judy Garland Museum in the world. Though now slightly shabby, it is well-loved, and staffed by volunteers.

Liza has often been invited, and has never ruled out a viewing, so hopes remain high that (while there's still time) one day she will.

If that day comes, it will be akin to a Papal visit: one of the greatest moments in Caftania's proud history.

by Anonymousreply 24June 26, 2013 9:13 AM

The loyal opposition are the Muumuus.

On the national mall the most popular spots are the National Museum of Earring History and the National Dildo Museum. Nearby, the Washington Monument looks familiar, but a little different.

Caftania enjoys harmonious relations with most Asian countries.

by Anonymousreply 25June 26, 2013 9:28 AM

Plans in Caftania are advanced with a view to hosting an international diving competition.

The diving will take place in various private pools during the early stages, though discussions as to the grand finale venue are not yet resolved.

It is confidently hoped that the good people at Virginia Slims will sponsor this event, thereby promoting interest, prestige and visibility for all concerned.

by Anonymousreply 26June 26, 2013 11:27 AM

Given the cool breeze off the pool, one hopes Blackglama will be a co-sponsor. And What Becomes A Legend Most? A full length man mink contrasted with a funky paisley print of course -- and perhaps a silky tuft of silverfox peeping from the neckline! Did someone say FOX? One can almost hear the hounds baying!

by Anonymousreply 27June 26, 2013 1:28 PM

When the lights go down in Caftania, nothing makes an After-5 muu muu swish so seductively as when you grab your nephew from the cabana, turn up the quadraphonic sound, and waddle to the pool deck for The Bump and The Hustle...

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by Anonymousreply 28June 26, 2013 1:42 PM

The National Anthem:

I like to be in Caftania, Oh-Gay by me in Caftania, It's a Who's Who in Caftania, Everything "ooh!" in Caftania!

by Anonymousreply 29June 26, 2013 1:55 PM

[quote] Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.

Caftania has the highest number of customers, per postal code, that order from the Franklin Mint. Also from Beanie Babies and American Girl.

by Anonymousreply 30June 26, 2013 2:51 PM

Very rich - with naked twinks leaping everywhere to snatch the money out of their hands...

by Anonymousreply 31June 26, 2013 3:41 PM

Opinions in Caftania on Edward Snowden, should he seek its safe haven, are rather divided.

On the one hand, no-one wants to upset Uncle Sam at this delicate time in history. (Many Caftanians have reason to be grateful for lenience and a discreet exit from the Motherland. Much, they assume, remains on file.)

On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.

At present a compromise is gaining ground: the spirited young man could remain for the summer, but then be asked to move on, no questions asked.

by Anonymousreply 32June 26, 2013 3:46 PM

They are in a constant state of war with the Muscle Republic of Steroidistan.

by Anonymousreply 33June 26, 2013 6:36 PM

Please, R29. . The national anthem is Over the Rainbow.

by Anonymousreply 34June 26, 2013 6:50 PM

Huge controversy over the opening of the "Tom Bianchi Home For Wayward Soul Mates."

Most Caftanians think it is tacky and reflects poorly on the homeland.

by Anonymousreply 35June 26, 2013 9:08 PM

Every citizen is issued two pairs of terry cloth open-toed slippers; one is used for everyday, and displays well-worn dirt marks and are worn outside to get the mail, and the other is for inside only and for "company."

When the company slip-ons are worn the every-day slip-ons go under the couch.

Orange and cream patterned hand towels are folded in thirds and hung over matching orange and cream patterned bath towels - all cotton-poly blends - in the bathroom, with a matching orange poly shag bath rug and toilet seat cover.

The first shelf of the refrigerator houses a 12-pack of RC Cola in the can.

by Anonymousreply 36June 26, 2013 9:29 PM

[quote]On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.

Au contraire! (That's your authentic cocktail hour french.)

The role of young men in Caftania at dinner, like a spread of dew-dappled early summer peonies, is to provide table decoration only! They are naturally expected to remain silent until they have learnt (by careful study of their elders at the top of the table) how to properly shape an anecdote and frame a bon mot. (More delicious francais! We feel QUITE Marie Antionette ce soir!)

by Anonymousreply 37June 26, 2013 11:19 PM

I am the King of Caftania! Bring my earrings, NOW!

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by Anonymousreply 38June 26, 2013 11:36 PM

tMeanwhile.....tPrincipessa Bonmeni puffs pretentiously from an elongated cigarette holder and utters sideways compliments such as; " I've heard such interesting things about you "... " your winter weight really looks good on you, even though it is June" ...

by Anonymousreply 39June 27, 2013 2:21 AM

Caftania's art-house cinema is defiant in nurturing its old prints of the screen goddesses known well to DataLounge.

Blu-Ray on widescreen Caftanians can get at home; but nothing beats the nostalgia buzz of Bette, Joan, Judy, Barbra et al projected larger than life - as they deserve, as they demand - on to the big screen, in all their unrestored non-digital glory.

Smoking and drinking while viewing are not only permitted but de rigueur. It's all so thrillingly reminiscent of those carefree long afternoons - triple-bills on good days - when otherwise dead hours before the bars became lively again were filled with fun.

by Anonymousreply 40June 27, 2013 3:28 PM

Lucille Ball and The Golden Girls are ALWAYS on in prime time on Caftania Cable.

After 11 pm those decadent reruns of Dynasty and Designing Women kick in.

by Anonymousreply 41June 27, 2013 8:42 PM

And , please r37, they learn how to properly use a knife, fork and serviette.

by Anonymousreply 42September 2, 2013 5:41 PM

Mamma's Mussy is a restaurant in Caftania.

by Anonymousreply 43September 2, 2013 5:42 PM

r43, brings a whole new meaning to Creme Brulee...

by Anonymousreply 44September 2, 2013 5:52 PM

The prison is in a transparent glass building.

Gives new meaning to the term "cagemeat."

by Anonymousreply 45August 11, 2014 5:07 PM

Who is the new Princess?

by Anonymousreply 46May 1, 2019 2:47 PM

[quote] The police all wear jockstraps and tear-away pants.

Yes please!

by Anonymousreply 47May 1, 2019 2:47 PM

Mr. Barr puts on a caftan as soon as he gets in the house, I think we can all see that. He is a fat, snake in the grass.

by Anonymousreply 48May 1, 2019 2:51 PM

It was a sad day when we lost Queen Paul the Great.

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by Anonymousreply 49May 1, 2019 3:07 PM

Peggy Lee's post-1980 career is featured in heavy rotation on the state television network.

by Anonymousreply 50May 1, 2019 4:21 PM

R25 is a peach

by Anonymousreply 51May 1, 2019 4:24 PM

R51 is a bitch

by Anonymousreply 52May 1, 2019 11:57 PM

Cocktails served at five PM sharp

by Anonymousreply 53May 2, 2019 1:54 PM

The 10th of June is a national holiday: all businesses are closed except for restaurants and bars.

by Anonymousreply 54May 2, 2019 6:06 PM

Coco Peru is doing the annual show!

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by Anonymousreply 55May 2, 2019 11:33 PM

[quote]Also from Beanie Babies and American Girl.

Caftania is developing its own line of exclusive dolls to be sold under the name "Caftanian Gurl."

by Anonymousreply 56May 3, 2019 2:57 AM
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