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The Principality of Caftania

What does Caftania look like? Who lives there? What happens there?

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4508/11/2014

Who is she? Who was she? Who does she hope to be?

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 206/25/2013

R1: The Afghan Caftan

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 306/25/2013

Independence Day is June 10, 1922 - and is a national holiday.

Retirement age is 30 - when all senior citizen benefits kick-in and you are placed in a walled compound so no one can look at you.

The air is actually scented with cookies.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 406/25/2013

The patron saint is Allan Carr.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 506/25/2013

The president is a Blatino husbear.

The fashion industry has the most powerful lobbyists.

The Caftania national anthem. "Express Yourself", is lip synched by a drag queen before every ice skating competition.

The police all wear jockstraps and tear-away pants.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 606/25/2013

Cheryl is the Secretary of Stank.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 806/25/2013

All worship at the feet of Saint Merv (Griffin).

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 906/25/2013

I think that would be your coffin, r7.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1006/25/2013

Andre Leon Talley is now free to take up the Secretariat of Swirl.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1106/25/2013

The First Lady of Caftania is, of course, Bette Midler.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1206/25/2013

The Royal Jewels consist only of earrings.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1306/25/2013

It's occupied by young "not gay" types under 30, who have created this imaginary land in their fevered anti-aging mind.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1406/25/2013

The clocks are all set to Mussey Time!

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1506/25/2013

Ocean view

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1606/25/2013

The Home Depot has only bears working there. The garden department stocks only roses and geraniums.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1706/26/2013

It probably looks a lot like Palm Springs, California.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1806/26/2013

Caftania maintains its record for the volume of mail sent to US Prisons. (This mail incidentally is written in careful cursive, which sometimes loses its poise.)

Non-Death Row cagemeat has been known to visit Caftania, and occasionally to settle. (There's a steady demand for new houseboys.) Such visits don't always end regrettably.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 1906/26/2013

The only comic strips are Garfield, Cathy, and Rose Is Rose.

Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.

Trade embargo with Canada in response to that nation's new ban on poppers.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2006/26/2013

R17, don't forget the ferns.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2106/26/2013

There are lots of comely young nephews. LOTS.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2206/26/2013

The Municipal Library has the world holdings of In Touch & After Dark magazine; plus signed copies of The Lord Won't Mind (some pages stuck), The Front Runner, The Charioteer, Crocodile Of Choirboys, and The Wonderful World Of Liberace.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2306/26/2013

Caftania is home to the foremost Judy Garland Museum in the world. Though now slightly shabby, it is well-loved, and staffed by volunteers.

Liza has often been invited, and has never ruled out a viewing, so hopes remain high that (while there's still time) one day she will.

If that day comes, it will be akin to a Papal visit: one of the greatest moments in Caftania's proud history.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2406/26/2013

The loyal opposition are the Muumuus.

On the national mall the most popular spots are the National Museum of Earring History and the National Dildo Museum. Nearby, the Washington Monument looks familiar, but a little different.

Caftania enjoys harmonious relations with most Asian countries.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2506/26/2013

Plans in Caftania are advanced with a view to hosting an international diving competition.

The diving will take place in various private pools during the early stages, though discussions as to the grand finale venue are not yet resolved.

It is confidently hoped that the good people at Virginia Slims will sponsor this event, thereby promoting interest, prestige and visibility for all concerned.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2606/26/2013

Given the cool breeze off the pool, one hopes Blackglama will be a co-sponsor. And What Becomes A Legend Most? A full length man mink contrasted with a funky paisley print of course -- and perhaps a silky tuft of silverfox peeping from the neckline! Did someone say FOX? One can almost hear the hounds baying!

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2706/26/2013

When the lights go down in Caftania, nothing makes an After-5 muu muu swish so seductively as when you grab your nephew from the cabana, turn up the quadraphonic sound, and waddle to the pool deck for The Bump and The Hustle...

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2806/26/2013

The National Anthem:

I like to be in Caftania, Oh-Gay by me in Caftania, It's a Who's Who in Caftania, Everything "ooh!" in Caftania!

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 2906/26/2013

[quote] Gone With the Wind commemorative plates are more valuable than gold.

Caftania has the highest number of customers, per postal code, that order from the Franklin Mint. Also from Beanie Babies and American Girl.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3006/26/2013

Very rich - with naked twinks leaping everywhere to snatch the money out of their hands...

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3106/26/2013

Opinions in Caftania on Edward Snowden, should he seek its safe haven, are rather divided.

On the one hand, no-one wants to upset Uncle Sam at this delicate time in history. (Many Caftanians have reason to be grateful for lenience and a discreet exit from the Motherland. Much, they assume, remains on file.)

On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.

At present a compromise is gaining ground: the spirited young man could remain for the summer, but then be asked to move on, no questions asked.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3206/26/2013

They are in a constant state of war with the Muscle Republic of Steroidistan.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3306/26/2013

Please, R29. . The national anthem is Over the Rainbow.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3406/26/2013

Huge controversy over the opening of the "Tom Bianchi Home For Wayward Soul Mates."

Most Caftanians think it is tacky and reflects poorly on the homeland.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3506/26/2013

Every citizen is issued two pairs of terry cloth open-toed slippers; one is used for everyday, and displays well-worn dirt marks and are worn outside to get the mail, and the other is for inside only and for "company."

When the company slip-ons are worn the every-day slip-ons go under the couch.

Orange and cream patterned hand towels are folded in thirds and hung over matching orange and cream patterned bath towels - all cotton-poly blends - in the bathroom, with a matching orange poly shag bath rug and toilet seat cover.

The first shelf of the refrigerator houses a 12-pack of RC Cola in the can.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3606/26/2013

[quote]On the other hand, young Ed would grace any cocktail party, and dish marvellous stories at dinner.

Au contraire! (That's your authentic cocktail hour french.)

The role of young men in Caftania at dinner, like a spread of dew-dappled early summer peonies, is to provide table decoration only! They are naturally expected to remain silent until they have learnt (by careful study of their elders at the top of the table) how to properly shape an anecdote and frame a bon mot. (More delicious francais! We feel QUITE Marie Antionette ce soir!)

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3706/26/2013

I am the King of Caftania! Bring my earrings, NOW!

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3806/26/2013

tMeanwhile.....tPrincipessa Bonmeni puffs pretentiously from an elongated cigarette holder and utters sideways compliments such as; " I've heard such interesting things about you "... " your winter weight really looks good on you, even though it is June" ...

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 3906/26/2013

Caftania's art-house cinema is defiant in nurturing its old prints of the screen goddesses known well to DataLounge.

Blu-Ray on widescreen Caftanians can get at home; but nothing beats the nostalgia buzz of Bette, Joan, Judy, Barbra et al projected larger than life - as they deserve, as they demand - on to the big screen, in all their unrestored non-digital glory.

Smoking and drinking while viewing are not only permitted but de rigueur. It's all so thrillingly reminiscent of those carefree long afternoons - triple-bills on good days - when otherwise dead hours before the bars became lively again were filled with fun.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4006/27/2013

Lucille Ball and The Golden Girls are ALWAYS on in prime time on Caftania Cable.

After 11 pm those decadent reruns of Dynasty and Designing Women kick in.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4106/27/2013

And , please r37, they learn how to properly use a knife, fork and serviette.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4209/02/2013

Mamma's Mussy is a restaurant in Caftania.

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4309/02/2013

r43, brings a whole new meaning to Creme Brulee...

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4409/02/2013

The prison is in a transparent glass building.

Gives new meaning to the term "cagemeat."

by Who is she? Who was she? Who does she want to be?reply 4508/11/2014
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