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Help me decide which DILF to seduce at this cheap, white-trash motel I'm staying at.

Specimen #1: Tall, lanky, swimmer's build. Nice looking with bdf for days. I first noticed him outside smoking when I checked in. Our eyes locked immediately. I was sitting on one of the sofas by the elevator last night when he, the wifey, and kid came back from dinner. Again, our eyes locked for a moment. He was dressed in a golf shirt and pants. Cut to three minutes later when he appears at the elevator in a wife beater, showcasing lean muscular arms and gave me a nod.

Specimen #2: Ridiculously gorgeous fratjock type staying there with a slutty looking gf. The body is perfectly fit-fat, must be seen to be believed. I was sitting on the sofa when they checked in. He saw me checking him out. He appeared 10 minutes later, also in a wifebeater, headed toward the guest laundry to wash his clothers. His arms are so muscular...again he must be seen to be believed.

Specimen #3: Hot as fuck black guy. Has one of those Muslin beards. Also walking around in a wife beater, showing off a tight lean build. Best asset is his oh-so muscular chest with a good amount of lush pit hair sticking out. He's noticed me noticing him.

I want specimen #2 the most, as he is JUST. MY. TYPE. I would kill to see specimen #3 naked, as I think he has the biggest dick of the three, but he seems unapproachable. I do think specimen #1 is the most vulnerable to seduction, so should I just concentrate on bringing it home with him? Any suggestions/advice would be most appreciated.

by Anonymousreply 11612/11/2013

I say do all three.Go with the easiest one first. Then continue on.

by Anonymousreply 106/24/2013

OP, for once R1 has the perfect response!

by Anonymousreply 206/24/2013

specimen #1 sounds like the only reasonably hot one.

by Anonymousreply 306/24/2013

Don't do the one with the 'Muslin' beard. You might tear it -- or soil it. For the love of PETE!

by Anonymousreply 406/24/2013

OP, you sound skeevy and predatory. And like you don't have enought to do. Why are you staying at a crap motel, anyway!?

by Anonymousreply 506/24/2013

Neither. Go to the nearest gay club lest you get a beating.

by Anonymousreply 606/24/2013

I met a sexy, 40-something DILF (sort of Mike Rowe-ish) at a hotel in Omaha....he was there with family but when he saw me checking him out in the laundry room he told me if I wanted some of what I was checking out, he needed my room number.

Ten minutes later his cock was wedged down my throat. Twenty minutes later, he was pounding my ass.

by Anonymousreply 706/24/2013

Is this the same OP who was staying at a motel in Jersey and got a rash from the bedspread?

by Anonymousreply 806/24/2013

OP on the hotel sofa.

by Anonymousreply 906/24/2013

R6 has no sense of adventure.

R5 is a Frau who thinks you should at home cleaning the toilet and pleasuring yourself with the brush handle.

R4 has no experience with hanging on to a nice beard with both hands while being pummeled, and how it's good for hair growth. Obviously she is unfamiliar with the Koranic Apocrypha.

R3 is a clonequeen who calls herself a fratboy at 38.

R2 is a generous, thoughtful DLer with the right experience to make a suggestion.

R1 is a good, good friend.

And I am in Room 201 - the one with the door sitting open - who was puzzling the same thing as you are - until you showed up, you hot thing you.

Wanna double?

by Anonymousreply 1006/24/2013

[quote]Ten minutes later his cock was wedged down my throat. Twenty minutes later, he was pounding my ass.

Thirty minutes later all of your valuables were missing.

by Anonymousreply 1106/24/2013

R4 Seems to have no idea that Muslin is not made of hair.

by Anonymousreply 1206/24/2013

What the fuck are you doing in a motel? Methed all your money away and waiting for your sentencing hearing?

by Anonymousreply 1306/24/2013

My personal opinion from easiest to hardest: #3, #2, #1. The black guy who noticed you noticing him would definitely be the easiest, followed by the guy with the slutty gf. The only one you would have to put much work in is your #1. He seems sort of straight laced but he'd give.

by Anonymousreply 1406/24/2013

Nah, the one with the kid is probably the easiest to nab. Wife probably hasn't touched him since she got pregnant. #2 sounds HOT, but if the gf is as slutty as she looks, he's probably ramming her no-no as I type.

by Anonymousreply 1506/24/2013

Which man-meat makes your mussy moistest, Momma?

by Anonymousreply 1606/24/2013

Go for #1.

by Anonymousreply 1706/24/2013


by Anonymousreply 1806/24/2013

OP all this cruisin' is leading to a bruisin'......

by Anonymousreply 1906/24/2013

God help me, bitches, but I've identified a fourth contender. Specimen #4 works at the front desk. He's Indian, and extremely handsome and well-built. We're talking Bollywoodish. I flirted with him earlier, and he returned the flirtation. I LOVE Indian men, and he fits the bill to a tee. However, I keep coming back to specimen #1. He and his wench and brat were poolside earlier, and he has a such a mouthwateringly long, lean swimmer's body which I'm certain the wife takes for granted.

by Anonymousreply 2006/24/2013

I'm picturing this as a Technicolor B-movie with gauzy close-ups of OPs face.

by Anonymousreply 2106/24/2013

OP, will you grace the pool terrace in your big floppy hat, sunglasses, high heels and Tab with a straw?

by Anonymousreply 2206/24/2013

None of them want you.

by Anonymousreply 2306/24/2013

Notice how OP claims all of these guys are HOT? I'm sure they are not attractive in the least.

by Anonymousreply 2406/24/2013

This motel is great. There's a big comfy sofa on the third floor that allows you to keep one eye on the elevator and another on the small fitness room for any potential. It's perfectly positioned.

by Anonymousreply 2506/24/2013

See why a lot of women don't say thank you when you hold the door for them? Men think that the merest of glances equals "let's fuck!"

by Anonymousreply 2606/24/2013

[all posts by ham-fisted troll a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 2706/24/2013

OP, I honestly hope you're right that all 3 really want you, and that you're reading their signals correctly. As a straight female I've learned that you can't always be polite to strange men who say "hello."

by Anonymousreply 2806/24/2013

I'll take bachelor number 1, Bob! Where we will be whisked away on a fun filled date to......Puerta Vallarta!

by Anonymousreply 2906/24/2013

R10 has just wrapped an exciting afternoon of washing her caftans and watching her stories!

by Anonymousreply 3006/24/2013

OP's motel

by Anonymousreply 3106/24/2013

Lol, R31. When did OP have time to take the picture?

by Anonymousreply 3206/24/2013

Noodles: On the Road Again!

by Anonymousreply 3306/24/2013

OP is imaginative which will come in handy, so to speak, when he's playing with his sorry self tonight.

by Anonymousreply 3406/24/2013

[quote]straight laced

Oh, dear. (It's "straitlaced.")

[quote]Puerta Vallarta

Oh, dear, otra vez.

by Anonymousreply 3506/24/2013

I can't wait to see how all this plays out on a future episode of Jerry Springer...

by Anonymousreply 3606/24/2013

Motel Hell, then?

by Anonymousreply 3706/24/2013

#1? I think you may be speaking of MY husband! Why, that rat BASTARD! And what about our CHILD?!

by Anonymousreply 3806/24/2013

You seem to spend an inordinate amount of time sitting on the couch by the elevator. Are you the bellboy? 5/5 for the silly wife beater fixation.

by Anonymousreply 3906/24/2013

I've never seen that many wifebeaters in one place and who does laundry in a hotel? That said, the fit fat one would be my pick. Wear your most form-fitting caftan, OP, when you get ready to move in for the kill.

by Anonymousreply 4006/24/2013

England calling - WHAT is a wifebeater ?

by Anonymousreply 4106/24/2013

England must not have Google.

I'll help.

by Anonymousreply 4206/24/2013

R41, this type of undershirt.

by Anonymousreply 4306/24/2013

r41, it's a white "tank" shirt sometimes used as underwear.

by Anonymousreply 4406/24/2013

This is a wifebeater

by Anonymousreply 4506/24/2013

Hey babe, dig this. There's some old perv sittin' on the sofa by the elevator giving everybody the once over. Damn, we need to start stayin' in classier dumps.

by Anonymousreply 4606/24/2013

Thanks, we call them vests !

by Anonymousreply 4706/24/2013

For the love of god OP get off the dang sofa and make a move! The nookie candidates may be checking out tomorrow.

Be very careful with #2. He sounds like he could be the type who might flip out IF you misread his body language.

by Anonymousreply 4806/24/2013

r41 again - there is nothing sexier than a shirt with the sleeves cut off completely .... on the right guy.

by Anonymousreply 4906/24/2013

These are wife beaters

by Anonymousreply 5006/24/2013

[quote]OP, I honestly hope you're right that all 3 really want you, and that you're reading their signals correctly.

The odds of even *one* of these men wanting Noodles and her caftan is remote; the odds of all three or four is zero. In any event, I call bullshit: who the hell is hanging out at a sleazy motel room at 3 in the afternoon? Motels are empty around then.

by Anonymousreply 5106/24/2013

We're slipping people. We're slipping.

This thread is useless without.... WHAT?

by Anonymousreply 5206/24/2013

R41, R47, Explanations of the origins of the name "wife beater."

by Anonymousreply 5306/24/2013

Linky stinky, R53

by Anonymousreply 5406/24/2013


by Anonymousreply 5506/24/2013

Please try this link.

by Anonymousreply 5606/24/2013

Noodles is gonna get his ass beat.

by Anonymousreply 5706/24/2013

This is a wife beater

by Anonymousreply 5806/24/2013

You must be a real beauty OP. Everywhere you go, every guy you see is attracted to you.

Take whichever one you want. They all know it would be an honor to be chosen by you - you fine thing, you.

Do let us know who wins the prize.

My pick is #1. Sounds like he needs to be appreciated. I agree #2 is the most likely to go psycho and murder you after he shoots his load.

#3 doesn't sound that interested - he may be looking at you because he's wondering "why does that mo keep staring at me?"

by Anonymousreply 5906/24/2013

Go after them all, OP. Only 2% of the world is gay, so they say. You have to cast a wide net. Be respectful and humble in your approach and hopefully you won't get the shit kicked out of you.

by Anonymousreply 6006/24/2013

"We locked eyes" = "What are you looking at, you creepy old queen?"

by Anonymousreply 6106/24/2013

OP, when they call the class "Creative Writing," this is not what they are talking about.

by Anonymousreply 6206/24/2013

OP, have you "scored" yet? I'm sitting here eating popcorn and drinking my Diet Pepsi waiting for your drama to unfold.

by Anonymousreply 6306/24/2013

[all posts by ham-fisted troll a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 6406/24/2013

Be sure and douche, OP. No one likes grunny weenie.

by Anonymousreply 6506/24/2013

The black dude. Always.

by Anonymousreply 6606/24/2013

Go with the one that'll kill you and stuff you in the dumpster.

by Anonymousreply 6706/25/2013

Nice to see that Noodles got a summer vacation this year!

by Anonymousreply 6806/25/2013

I realized there are a lot of hot trashy guys staying at this place. I stumbled across these two guys in Teamsters tee shirts in the cafe in the lobby last night. One was incredibly handsome...we're talking Tom of Finland handsome. They saw me ogling. Later, as I was sitting on the sofa waiting for specimen #1 to strut by in his wife beater, the two Teamsters guys came off the elevator. The ugly one intiated a conversation, but the sinfully handsome one became involved. I began to realize they're bfs. They invited me back to their room. Kicked back a few bears, and we went to town. Tom of Finland fucked me as the ugly one sucked me. I wanted Tom of Finland all to myself. The ugly one was excess baggage, but necessary baggage, nonetheless, if you catch my drift. All in all, a great experience, though I'm still horny for the DILFs. I haven't given up on them, especially specimen #1. I'll wear him down for the week is out.

by Anonymousreply 6906/25/2013

This is getting silly.

by Anonymousreply 7006/25/2013

I say purse your lips at any one of them and then stick your tongue out like a lizard. Then, wink at them with a come hither look. They should be yours like butter.

by Anonymousreply 7106/25/2013

r70 is staying at a cheap motel with her hub and child, and is desperately concerned that her husband is specimen #1 about to fall into my trap.

by Anonymousreply 7206/25/2013

[R70] is staying at a cheap motel with her hub and child, and is desperately concerned that her husband is specimen #1 about to fall into my trap.

Your "trap"? Is that what you call it?

by Anonymousreply 7306/25/2013

OP, you sure are brave! I've never met anyone who is brave enough to kick back a few bears so casually and then have sex...

by Anonymousreply 7406/25/2013

10%, honey.

by Anonymousreply 7506/25/2013

Bumpity-ba-da-boom. Yeah, OP, how did your romantic evening go at the Roach Motel? Aren't you gonna fill us all in?

by Anonymousreply 7606/25/2013

This motel is just so wonderfully trashy. I realized there's a truck stop down the block where street trade, both male and female, are plying their goods. I might just take a little stroll tonight in the area to judge the trade. Specimen #1 checked out today. I was sitting on the sofa when he departed. I've decided that I must have married cock before I check out on Thursday. An interesting specimen entered the fitness room a little while ago. I may decide to see if that's viable.

by Anonymousreply 7706/25/2013

OP, did you just check into that hotel to whore around? Why are you even there?

by Anonymousreply 7806/25/2013

Sounds like he's at the beach since different people are checking in and out and he said something about "the week". Am I right, OP?

by Anonymousreply 7906/25/2013

Seriously, I hope there's an STD clinic nearby and that OP has the sense to get tested. Grunny weenie is just the beginning . . .

by Anonymousreply 8006/25/2013

sick and twisted, I LOVE it

by Anonymousreply 8106/25/2013

OP, the only reason you didn't get fucked by Specimen #1 is because you weren't direct enough. Next time you see any of the other specimens, make sure to stare at his crotch, lick your lips, and softly murmur, "YUMMMMM!" Longtime DLers - was this Momma's or Noodles's trick? Either way, it has always worked for me ever since I learned about it on DataLounge!

by Anonymousreply 8206/25/2013

Have you presented hole yet?

by Anonymousreply 8306/25/2013

Hmmmm..... I've stayed in many cheap, white-trash motels, OP -- and NONE of them had an exercise room.

Just sayin'.

by Anonymousreply 8406/25/2013

"kicked back a few bears" - I love it !

by Anonymousreply 8506/25/2013

They are kind of impromptu R84. You know, two old coffee cans filled with cement with a bar sunk between 'em.

Old Clancy Ross posters tacked on the walls.

If you happen to have a handlebar mustache, you're as good as gold.

Keep us posted OP. At this point you might want to send webbie your next of kin info.

by Anonymousreply 8606/25/2013

Mr. Eaton: (on the phone with Lucy) I'd like very much to print portions of your novel in a textbook I'm preparing on how to write a novel.

Lucy: Oh... (to Ricky, Fred, and Ethel) He wants to print portions of it in a textbook on how to write a novel. Go on, Mr. Eaton.

Mr. Eaton: Well, I wish Mr. Dorance had mentioned this to you, but... it'll head up the chapter entitled "Don't Let This Happen To You." (pause)

Lucy: Waaahh!

by Anonymousreply 8706/25/2013

The Tom of Finland references alone put you beyond retirement age, OP. Tom of Finland himself must be wearing dentures by now.

What to do with your pension fund? Why troll the motels of course! (I would too!)

by Anonymousreply 8806/26/2013

Looking forward to updates.

by Anonymousreply 8906/26/2013

Haven't seen Tom of Finland or his uggo bf since our threeway the other night. Surprisingly, specimen #3, the muscled black guy with the beard, is showing some potential. Saw him working out in the fitness room this morning. He saw me looking, and gave me quite the show as I sat on the couch. If any of you guys fetishize pit hair like I do, your legs would turn to orange marmalaide if you saw those lush pits. I long to smell them...just grab a whiff. I'm going to try and lure him into my net tonight. I realize this could turn out really great or really bad, but I'm willing to take a chance. If I left this seedy motel without having a straight cock (at least in my face pussy), then I'd regret it for a long time.

by Anonymousreply 9006/26/2013

See if you can get a tag team lined up, OP.

by Anonymousreply 9106/26/2013

The early stages of this thread did possess certain charming, understated stupidity which made the OP's fictitious predicament easier to go along with. Now, it's simply overcooked.

by Anonymousreply 9206/26/2013

[quote]Tom of Finland himself must be wearing dentures by now.

the Finnish artist died years ago.

by Anonymousreply 9306/26/2013

"face pussy"?!!

your inevitable beating is sadly now earned.

good luck!

by Anonymousreply 9406/26/2013

Give the name of that HOEtel! I wanna cruise there, too!

Those guys will let you suck their dicks if you can get him away from their burdens. Coax them up to your room for at least 15 minutes. Offer them a pipe and they'll be unzipping before you can say "I'm a filthy slut."

by Anonymousreply 9506/26/2013

I like that term - face pussy. Never heard it before but now I may use it from time to time.

by Anonymousreply 9606/26/2013

Does Momma refer to his face-pussy as his "fussy"?

by Anonymousreply 9706/26/2013

The pipe must be made of glass, btw. And it must contain something white - not green - preferably lit with a torch.

by Anonymousreply 9806/26/2013

I love anonymous motels. A more interesting vibe than big flashy hotels.

by Anonymousreply 9906/26/2013

Muslin beards are so 2011. The really chic beards today are silk, 1000-thread count.

by Anonymousreply 10006/26/2013

Op What city is the motel in? Loving this thread. Please keep us up to date.

by Anonymousreply 10106/26/2013

Staying at a roadside motel. Not a chain. LIke I said, there's a truck stop right next door, and there are all types of stuff going on that. I walked around there this afternoon, and the area was littered with used condoms. I'm sitting on the third floor couch right now waiting to see if I can get a straight man's attention as he comes off the elevator. Wearing short shorts and an xs tee. Baby's getting desperate so she need to show off what god gave her. mmmk.

by Anonymousreply 10206/26/2013

Don't go for the nigger, OP. They ain't nothin' but trouble. Just tellin' it to you like it is because, as y'all know, I is what I is.

by Anonymousreply 10306/26/2013

How old are you OP?

by Anonymousreply 10406/27/2013

Presenting OP's wifebeater fantasy studs

by Anonymousreply 10506/27/2013

Tell us more OP. Who beat the mussy up and had those lips puckering?

by Anonymousreply 10606/27/2013

so how did this all end? did the OP get it in the "face pussy"? or is he floating in a river somewhere, wallet gone and teeth knocked out? WE HAVE TO KNOW.

by Anonymousreply 10707/01/2013

I still don't understand how a cheap dive has a "fitness room."

The embellishments are making this hard to believe, OP.

by Anonymousreply 10807/01/2013

I just realized that this OP must be Danny, the fellow who disappeared on the sidewalks of NYC a few years ago with nothing but a rolling suitcase!

by Anonymousreply 10907/01/2013

Is this story over? Or is OP laying dead in a ditch?

by Anonymousreply 11007/01/2013

"Or is OP laying dead in a ditch."

No, he simply tired of trolling and moved on.

He got the reaction he wanted ("ooh, lucky you, OP, you're such a hot stud")and left.

by Anonymousreply 11107/01/2013

OP is stuffed into an overnight bag under a bed as we speak.

by Anonymousreply 11207/01/2013

More, please.

by Anonymousreply 11307/15/2013

Just take off your pants and briefs, open your door, get on your knees, arch your ass up into the air behind you through the doorway and scream, "FIRST CUM, FIRST SERVED!!!"

by Anonymousreply 11407/15/2013

The motel 6 in Marietta GA used to be like that in the 1980's. You'd just prowl along the balconies until you found someone with the door open lying on the bed presenting dick.

by Anonymousreply 11507/16/2013

Any updates, OP?

I'm a little bored here today.

by Anonymousreply 11612/11/2013
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