Horrifying Sitcom Theme Songs (80's And 90's)

Love, Sidney

Down To Earth, starring DL fave Kyle Richards

Wow, R2's sitcom is execrable! That premise alone...

Joanie Loves Chachi seemed awful at the time.

God damn, Scott Baio was a hot twink.

Lucifer's most fragrant burp was "Small Wonder".

This one is controversial: some of us revere it, others think it was the nadir of TV.

Small Wonder. Fucking hell.

OMG I love the IT's a LIVING song!!

This one sucks dirty ass, though.

Down To Earth and Small Wonder look like Second City skits!

Oh, and this one too.

I remember Throb. I had a kid crush on Jonathan Prince. I was 10 at the time and we were both the same height.

Damn! I started to play the intro to "Small Wonder" and my mothers care giver got all excited, "Are you watching the show about the girl robot!!!" I had never heard of the the thing. He acted as if it was the greatest thing on TV. He is 27.

I remember "Love, Sidney"(both the show and the TV movie that inspired it) but not that theme song. I guess it was so "horrifying" that my memory blocked it out. Truly, truly execrable.

Gloria. Ugh. It still gets stuck in my head all these years later.

That is awful, r15. If they'd have shelled out for the rights to "Gloria" by Van Morrison/The Doors, "Gloria" by U2, or "Gloria" by Laura Branigan maybe the show would have been a hit.

It's technically late 70s but I think Hello Larry fits the theme.

As annoying as the Diff'rent Strokes theme, but far worse (and far harder to get out of your head.

And McLean S left MASH for THIS?

The reviews for Down To Earth on imdb all say "I'm the only one who remembers it." It's true, the show aired 110 episodes and I have no memory of it at all. It was co-created by Sam Harris from Star Search, who you may remember is gay. It stars the gay Darrin from Bewitched, and for the last 3 years featured Rip Taylor in a supporting role, glitter and all.

This is weird because the song itself is actually quite good (and was a hit) but the show was disastrously bad.

I agree the worst ever was "Love Sidney" because it was from during the very brief period when sitcoms for some insane reason would have their stars sing the theme song.

The other most horrific instance of this bizarre phenomenon was the original version of the "Facts of life" theme song. Guess who sang the solo part.

In the "Love Sidney" clip, I'm fascinated by how horrible Swoosie Kurtz's voice is. She sounds like the really weird lady in every church choir whose voice is embarrassingly louder than anyone else's (and has far more vibrato than is humanly possible).

R21, my sister and I always called the loud, wobbly soprano in our church's choir "The Chicken Lady." She often performed solos that would leave us squirming to stifle our laughter.

"We Got It Made" has an insistent disco theme song. Quite cynical of NBC to open a sit-com with a shot of a woman's breasts, panning up to show her face only after we all got a good look at her tits. Tom Villard was adorable. He was one of the first celebrities with AIDS to speak publicly about his plight.

This sitcom intro could have only been saved if Evigan and Reiser made out.

[quote]It was co-created by Sam Harris from Star Search, who you may remember is gay.

That's kind of like saying "you may remember that Mars is a planet in our solar system."

That Trob song is awfulllll.

Jonathan Prince looks like the roadshow version of Michael J. Fox.

And Jane Leeves (from Frasier) is almost unrecognizable.

r24, I was just trying to highlight that gay Sam seems to have deliberately created a very campy show, and may have been responsible for getting Dick Sargent and Rip Taylor cast. I'm actually shocked that I don't remember this show.

My Two Dads just short circuits my brain in 2013. I remember back when it aired and even then I thought those two dudes were gay. It was way more homo "suggestive" to me than even Full House (housefull of single men raising kids). The whole premise is homoPHOBIC now, though. "See how hilarious that two hetero men could play house and raise a daughter together? People might think we were gay!! HIJINKS ensue!"

Out of this World!

'My Two Dads' should have been titled 'My Mom Was A Fucking Whore, and Now She's Dead.'

R29, I think they tried that with test audiences and it didn't go over as well. And with what eventually happened to both Evigan and Reiser's careers, it should have been called "My Two Duds."

"The whole premise is homoPHOBIC now, though."

Agreed, R27. Sadly, Reiser and Evigan have more chemistry together than Rannells and Bartha or Stonestreet and Ferguson... It makes 'The New Normal' and 'Modern Family' that much more depressing.

R19 reminds me of the really bad disco version of the Guiding Light theme. Everyone tried to "disco" up their themes in that era.

Technically 1979-1980, and horrifying for reasons unrelated to the quality of the song itself, but no discussion of theme songs is complete without it.

^ One of the YouTube comments on the Angie theme:

"In the 1970's most people had serious food handling issues, except for Robert Hayes [sic] who could juggle with it."

We Got It Made.

Ugh.

r33, that link just proves that in the 70s and 80s, all TV opening credits featured food mishaps.

Shangri-La Plaza lasted ONE episode in 1990 and the theme explains why.

I loved "Down To Earth" when I was a kid. It aired on TBS and back then everything started 5 minutes later than on network TV. 7:05am, 11:35pm, etc...

I had a kid crush on David Kauffman as the older brother and I didn't like Kyle...even then. She looked weird. Adored Kim, though. She did Devil Dog: Hound of Hell.

Anyways, Ole Rip would run around throwing glitter, he was Ethel the angel's guardian or case worker or something. She had another one, too... played by Ronnie Schnell.

I wish they'd put it out on DVD. It was no Bewitched or Jeannie, but was still fun.

Don't forget these bitches! Pink Lady and Jeff lasted 5 weeks back in 1980. The scary thing is how clearly I remember watching the show and crowing about how awful it was with my cousins.

I couldn't find the promo, but this is a link to one of their great performances, which I'm pretty sure must have inspired Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn from SNL.

That "Small Wonder" clip reminded me of the mother's fashions for that show. Were those like one-piece full-body pantsuits she would wear with a belt in the middle? And how did she get in and out of them?

Also, if your goal is to make your robot daughter inconspicuous and just have her seem like any normal kid, then why would you dress her in a 19th-century pinafore?

Mama Malone.

"Wide as an acre"?! I hope Lila Kaye told the composer to fuck right off!

Edit: Wtf! According to one of the comments, this theme was written by Kander and Ebb!

The 80s were #1 when it came to bad theme songs.

The Crystal Gayle/Paul Williams theme song for "It Takes Two" would have been a good song for AM Gold radio, but it strikes me as too earnest for show that is supposed to be a comedy.

But I did like the series.

R37's sitcom intro is almost genius - it's so awful that it becomes arrestingly surreal. Someone on that show really loved "Pee-Wee's Playhouse", huh?

R38, I could have written your post! I had a huge crush on Kaufman. I moved to Los Angeles in 2000 and saw him in a Souplantation with his family not long after I got there. He had the tired, disheveled look of a new parent. Kind of killed the crush.

I think "Down To Earth" aired mostly in the early mornings which may be why few people remember it. I remember it being on as we got ready for school if we weren't watching Bozo on WGN.

R-37 wins, hands down! That shit was terrifying OMG.

I know I am being pedantic, but Shangri-la Plaza didn't even last one episode. It was an unsold pilot that aired once as part of a Saturday night program.

And the show itself was written by Terrence McNally, r41.

Charles in Charge. Try to hold back the vomit.

Charles in Charles was awful.

r13, it sounds like it's pretty clear you can grope and molest this caregiver all you want if you so choose.

My God, Erin Moran looked liked Scott Baio's mother! A particularly reptilian mother.

Wonder what the last time a TV theme was a radio hit - I am guessing Friends. Kind of sad how the TV theme songs, some of which really became part of pop culture are for the most part a thing of the past (although listening to some of these, maybe not completely a bad thing).

The late seventies and 80's really liked to have precocious children that would not be found anywhere in the real world. Ellen Travolta also seemed to be in a lot of these credits.

What about pre-rhinoplasty Lisa Hartman as Tabitha?

Jennifer Slept Here! Ann Jillian fans will love this one.

OMG, that Makin' It intro was so long! It's like a music video.

Great song though.

Poor Melba Moore. Her show MELBA only aired once-the same day as the Challenger Shuttle disaster.

I've always loved this theme - so bittersweet.

HATED this opening when I was a kid ... my sister and I still make fun of it.

r59, they didn't even give the dude playing the angel screen credit! LOL

I bet not many of you remember this campy little nightmare...

Sugar Time, starring Barbi Benton.

What year did that come out, R61?

This one doesn't really have a theme, but it's got Bette Davis in The Decorator (Unaired).

Sorry, the link.

"Don't be absurd! Everybody needs a decoratah!"

Hands down the worst theme ever for a sitcom is from an offering by the BBC entitled "Take a Letter Mr Jones", starring John Inman. The only clip I could find of the theme in this compilation of forgotten 80s British sitcoms. It's at mark 1:07.

Truly bizarre, truly confusing, and truly horrifying.

Guys, this thread is about the 80's and 90's. Please start a separate thread for 70's shit.

r60, Yes they do - it credits Jimmy Brogan and Dixie Carter together in the same shot.

We Got It Made

This has always stuck in my head-

Why am I seeing the completely forgotten Ellen Travolta in several of those openings?

I'm grimly fascinated by Joanie Loves Chachi. Surely that was not played before every episode?

"The Five Fanelli Boys" featured DL fave Chris Meloni and a hideous Billy Joel theme song.

Linda Lavin owns this thread

[quote]I'm grimly fascinated by Joanie Loves Chachi. Surely that was not played before every episode?

I confess I loved this song when I was a kid. Granted, Erin Moran and Scott Baio can barely hold a note between them. But the song itself sounds like something Barry Manilow or Olivia Newton-John might have recorded at the time. They might have had a hit with it.

Air Supply! That's what the "Joanie Loves Chachi" theme sounds like. Those Aussies would have ridden that to the top of the Adult Contemporary charts in no time!

Love Madeline.

The theme? Not so much.

It's Your Move with Jason Bateman and DL fave Tricia Cast. The show was actually kind of funny but was cancelled after one season.

The opening is truly ridiculous though and so very 80's...

Speaking of Jason Bateman....the Valerie theme:

FAMILY MATTERS......another shiteous theme:

And king of the shitty 80/90's themes:

Nell Carter, Charlotte Rae and Bea Arthur singing about sitcoms for NBC's 60th anniversary in 1986.

Lots of shitty themes here .....and now a break for my favorite sitcom theme.

NBC's "Dear John" starring Judd Hirsch. On one hand it gave the world Jere Burns, but then it also gave it this weedy theme song.

WEHT to Andrew Lauer, R82? He was also in "Caroline in the City" - sexy little midget, with a tight ass.

I actually love the last "Valerie" intro, with Sandy Duncan and everyone all grown up.

My God, "Step by Step" was horrible. Even as a little boy, I knew that was crap.

[quote]"We Got It Made" has an insistent disco theme song. Quite cynical of NBC to open a sit-com with a shot of a woman's breasts, panning up to show her face only after we all got a good look at her tits. Tom Villard was adorable. He was one of the first celebrities with AIDS to speak publicly about his plight.

I was just looking around for that theme song. Tom and I dated in the early 80s. He was like a cute Jerry Lewis type. I think he was the Dr. Pepper guy in some regional commercials and definitely on his way up. He was a sweet guy. Too kinky for me though.

This one is pretty funny...Flo's Yellow Rose

R81 I didn't think I'd ever see Bea Arthur singing a song from "Dreamgirls."

Are you male or female, r86. I always thought Villard was gay. GG fans will recognize him as one of the three young men that was shipwrecked with the ladies on an island during a vacation-from-hell, and in another episode where he played Dorothy's former student who gave her a cushy job at his new video games company.

And yeah, he just has a major kinky vibe.

r83, be sure to look at the clip at r66 - you'll see at the very beginning of it the British version of Dear John's opening credits starring Ralph Bates.

God, r81, those days of television are so gone and done with. We will never see anything like that again.

r89 here - forgive my complete ignorance. I had no idea Villard was an out actor and that he passed away.

I just choked up a little at your photo R89. I've never seen that one before, and it's a very good one. Yeah, I'm a guy. I understand Tom was in a relationship when he passed away so I was glad to hear he had someone there for him. I saw him on Entertainment Tonight unexpectedly where he talked about his story. I remember that night, walking out the front door and just pacing around the block. He did an Advocate interview that kind of turned me off. It didn't sound like him. But he was an actor. Anyone who knew him loved him. He lived in Silver Lake when I knew him and he had those little pink and yellow marshmallow chicks nailed to his wall. He got me out of disco music and into New Wave by playing The Talking Heads. Slowly, he let me know that I was only one in a few other people he was seeing. He described some of the things they did together, in the shower. I balked. I still remember the night he came up to my apartment. We weren't really supposed to, but we said goodbye. He had a good heart, and kind of an experimental mind. He would have had a long career. He did it effortlessly. RIP.

I must not have been fully in touch with my budding homosexuality yet in 1982 because I wasn't watching Star Of The Family.

As a grown gay, seeing the intro featuring Michael Dudikoff jumping rope in his short shorts and low plunging tank top would have made me a loyal viewer.

The theme song could be kind of catchy, but the addition of the steel guitar to make it a country song is annoying.

No kidding, R94. (Or should I say 'Snicks'?) It looks like that Dudikoff guy was advertising his wares.

[quote]that Dudikoff guy

That Dudikoff guy is none other than '80s action hero Michael Dudikoff. He was also in the movie Bachelor Party, and was Joni's brief love interest on Happy Days.

Had never heard of the sitcom "Rocky Road" but it features horrific '80's fashions and a cute guy in short shorts. Credits begin at 5.20

None of those things ring a bell, R96. I know, I know - Google is my friend.

You've never heard of HAPPY DAYS?????

R9, if I knew where you lived, I'd cut you. I love that theme.

R18, I'm with you. I'm a child of the 80s and have zero memory of R2's link.

Is this "Happy Days" culturally important, R99? Be honest now.

[quote]he played Dorothy's former student who gave her a cushy job at his new video games company.

Joemama!

Happy Days sounds like a children's show. Was it a precursor to Sesame Street?

Anyways, back to those terrible sitcom themes!

Oh, I get it, R101, you're a troll. LOL!

r94 - I was actually looking for that last night and couldn't find anything!! I distinctly remember being a kid and watching an episode of Star of the Family where surfer-dude Dudikoff was running around in little shorts and in his barefeet. Made me gay right then and there.

You can see a preview of SOTF at 7:21 in this clip:

"LOL!"

Are you literate?

Good Morning Miss Bliss

The predecessor to Saved By The Bell had an awful opening theme song.

The original Gimme a Break theme was horrible

Oh dear God - NOOOO!!!!

The Richard Page/Jay Graydon-produced theme from season 3 on was much better

"And yeah, he just has a major kinky vibe."

You can say that again - he insisted on fucking me in the ass in our shared bathroom at the hotel.

Most were horrible, but because it harkens us back to a "simpler, happier time," we love them.

Poor Lark Voorhies. I wonder if she had her first psychotic break hearing that theme song in R107.

Um Helloooooo?

"It's a Living" is one of the BEST sitcom theme songs everrrrrrrrrrr! It's a show stopping broadway number!

Now,

"Angie"? ugh.

Madame's Place! Who knew Corey Feldman was on that show?

R108 That Gimme a Break theme is a NATIONAL TREASURE!

As is Nell Carter shaking her fat all over the place!

California Dreams

They should have had an awesome theme song since they were a band, but it's terrible.

Michael Cade was hot.

The theme for "The New Monkees" was everything wrong with the 80s. Loud pastels,hyperactive visuals, screeching guitars. Luckily it has very little lyrics.

Does anyone remember THE CHARMINGS? I was a kid when this was on and I used to like it. It looks horrific now.

R97, I totally remember ROCKY ROAD. It was on TBS along with DOWN TO EARTH and another one called SAFE AT HOME. Loved all three!!!

God Chris Rich was hot! I missed him on Another World so my first experience of him was on the Charmings

R119, I loved The Charmings. But I didn't have discriminating taste as a kid.

R120, I thought I was the only one who remembered those shows. There was also one called "Check It Out" that starred Don Addams. I think it came on TBS around that same era.

"The Charmings" looks cringeworthy. Why would they continue to dress that way in L.A.? Presumably they discovered that they were in a different society. Did the writers ever answer that?

Nurses

Fuck... a lot of the same actors are in these clips

God damn, what's up with all the sax solos in the 80s? I remember (barely) this show "Double Trouble" with the Sagal twins and Barbara Barrie. There's some nice man legs in this clip including some sausage fighting to escape from the blonde guy's short shorts at 5:30.

I had the hugest crush on Markus Flanagan from the second season of Nurses. It was the hair.

Have we posted the theme for "I'm a Big Girl Now"? I kinda like this one, actually.

Damn. WEHT Diana Canova? Another actor who just walked away.

Diana Canova had a small small role in "One True Thing" as woman holding baby.

The 1980s were full of actors who were everywhere during the decade and then just seemed to fall off the face of the earth in the 1990s. Remember the Landers sisters? They were guest stars on every tv show in the 80s and as soon as the decade was over they were just gone. Same with DL fave Ann Jillian, who was the subject of a recent massive thread here.

R79 The first season of Family Matters, its theme song was Louie Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World". For some reason they changed it.

I'm sure the rights to Armstrong's classic were far more expensive than that swill they replaced it with.

Amazing how many of these actors I never heard of again or before for that matter.

Filthy Rich. Hated the song but loved the short glimpse of Charles Frank in a hottub. I'm surprised he didn't have a bigger career.

The New Monkees theme posted earlier reminded me of all the other needless reboots they did in the 80s. There was The New Leave It To Beaver, The New Gidget and especially dreadful was this - The New Munsters D:

Not to derail the thread but how about a great one, and one that could never be done today, "Open All Night", which completely tells the story of the show. Notable for the late Sam Whipple who gave one of the greatest sitcom performances ever as the space cadet son, Terry. It's believed Sean Penn was heavily influenced by Whipple's performance when he created Spicolli. Fuck that shit, Penn totally ripped the character off.

R135 wasn't there a longer version of the Filthy Rich credits? I remember more of a narrative.

Not a bad song, it that awkward hug and smile at the end. You know they hated each other .

The New Gidget:

I'm surprised that some think the Filthy Rich theme is horrifying. I thought most considered it a hokey classic - not quite at It's A Living level, but up there. I like it.

Chachi in Korean means penis.

Everything Ellen Travolta touched turned to shit.

[quote] Everything Ellen Travolta touched turned to shit.

Everything her brother touched was a big fat cock!

I didn't know that show Makin' It, but since seeing the post at r19, that song has been stuck in my head.

Herman's Head had one of the worst premises ever, but I watched it regularly. Herman was a hottie!

I F'LOVED Herman's Head! I used to think Hank Azaria was so hot on that show. William "Herman" Ragsdale was in the abominable "Mannequin 2", but he is probably best known for his role as Charley in "Fright Night".

Ragsdale had a lengthy featured role on "Justified" as Raylan's ex-wife's new husband.

R77 That also starred a pre-"Married w/Children" David Garrison. WHET him? Did he ever come out?

Holy shit R128. I can't tell you how long I've been looking for that theme song! I could always remember the last line, but not the entire song.

The world would be a better, safer place if all of these wonderful works were still on television.

R15 and R16, you can go to hell! That "Gloria" theme song is the best ear worm going!

I've posted before that the show was causally a minor hit, ranking in the top twenty for the season. But for some reason it wasn't renewed. Based on the number of average weekly viewers, it would actually be in the top 3-4 shows in today's ratings.

What about "Aloha Paradise" with Debbie Reynolds?

[quote]That also starred a pre-"Married w/Children" David Garrison. WHET him? Did he ever come out?

Whoa! It seems the internet has been scrubbed of any mention of his personal life. His Wiki page even has a disclaimer that any information must be carefully sourced or it will be removed as potentially libelous.

The theme song to "Perfect Strangers".

"Standing tall on the wings of my dreams..." WTF??

R152 - I remember reading Gloria got cancelled more due to the ratings of Archie Bunker's Place. Archie's ratings were at cancellation, and for some reason they felt it would be disrespectful to O'Connor to cancel his show and leave Gloria on the air.

[quote] I didn't know that show Makin' It, but since seeing the post at [R19], that song has been stuck in my head.

If you like the song, you'll love David Naughton's performance of it on the Merv Griffin show.

My God, Naughton looks like he would be a fun little fuck. Game for anything. Any stories on him?

David Naughton would've gotten fucked by me, HARD, back in the day.

This is a better performance, choreographed dance interlude and all:

I had no idea that Diana Canova thought she was a singer first and foremost:

Gosh, I remember that song on the radio. I IMDB'd him and was surprised to see him looking good and working pretty steadily all these years.

I had no idea he was James Naughton's little brother! Now that's an incestuous little sandwich I would love to nibble on for bed lunch.

I don't know ANY of these songs or tv shows. I never really watched tv much when I had a tv, and haven't had one since 1982. I'm not convinced that the majority of these aren't spoofs! They are really bad!

Dr Pepper

[quote]I had no idea he was James Naughton's little brother!

That's OLD news.

David was a hot, thick little number!

The one theme song I actually fled from when it came on was "Three's Company." To me, it was like musical kryptonite.

OMG that Naughton shit is painfully bad

Way OT, but I can't start threads, and I wanted to share what I found while looking for some clips:

I actually kind of love the theme song to "Perfect Strangers". I also thought Bronson Pinchot was attractive up until a few years ago.

Done R170 ......

[You do realize that this is a troll, right? You might want to stop talking to it.]

this sums up every sitcom themes ever. worth to watch the whole video

[You do realize that this is a troll, right? You might want to stop talking to it.]

[quote] Michael Dudikoff jumping rope in his short shorts and low plunging tank top would have made me a loyal viewer.

those were standard sized shorts back then. And he was almost 30 there.

R50 CHARLES IN CHARGE is even more horrifying on a meta level in light of recent allegations...

The Family Matters theme would have been fine for a white suburban family. But, for this show, wildly inappropriate