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What's Wrong Being Subservient and Co Dependent In a Relationship?

What is so wrong with being subservient and codependent in a relationship?

It beats being single and all alone.

So I have no self-esteem. At least I have someone and that beats having no one to come home to.

Ok flame away. I want to hear it. ALL OF IT!

by Anonymousreply 4108/27/2013


by Anonymousreply 106/17/2013

Guess guys are okay with having their partner be subserviant

by Anonymousreply 206/17/2013

No one respects a partner who is co-dependent. Eventually he will leave you and you will be alone.

by Anonymousreply 306/17/2013

Why would he leave? He has someone who worships the ground he walks on?

by Anonymousreply 406/17/2013

Speaking as an Asian (and the OP) Asians tend to be Subservient and Co Dependent if they are lucky (and I do mean lucky) to get into a relationship with a white guy.

Because of Asian's lack of self-esteem (and seeing a white guy as a status symbol) the Asian will hang on to this relationship by their fingernails.

This is the best they are going to get, this white guy. And they will not let go no matter how shitty they are treated.

Cause they got their white guy, and no one is going take him away.

by Anonymousreply 506/17/2013

In that case OP, you should keep doing what works. You have up leveled yourself by doing what comes natural. There are less and less rice queens as the years go on.

by Anonymousreply 606/17/2013

Welcome to how 99% on married women still exist today. (at least 70% in the USA alone)

by Anonymousreply 706/17/2013

"Make me a turkey pot pie, bitch!"

by Anonymousreply 806/17/2013

Please I need more feedback!

by Anonymousreply 906/17/2013

What's wrong? Other than the fact that it's soul crushing. I'll say that every relationship requires sacrifice but the self-sacrifice shouldn't be total. Anyone who requires that doesn't truly love you, they seek to obliterate you.

by Anonymousreply 1006/17/2013

You're a doormat OP and because you have let your Self be absorbed into your partner,whether that's what he wants or not - (the old 'I am nothing without him' syndrome) if he leaves or dies,there is nothing left of You and you are screwed!

Two people can never become one.

BTW,since I'm living in a city with a large Asian population I have doubts whether you really are Asian as you claim. Either that or you're in some backwater.

Asians in my part of the world are neither subservient nor codependent and they certainly don't need some white guy to complete them.

You need to pull yourself together,honey.... and fast.

by Anonymousreply 1106/17/2013

[quote] Asians in my part of the world are neither subservient nor codependent and they certainly don't need some white guy to complete them.

That is because you are so used to Asians fawning all over you, it has become common place as normal behavior.

by Anonymousreply 1206/17/2013

There is nothing wrong with being alone.

by Anonymousreply 1306/17/2013

Define what you mean by subservient and codependent and then we can perhaps have a meaningful discussion. What is subservient and codependent to you may simply mean nurturing and devoted to someone else. Without specific concrete understanding of what behaviors you are talking about, this isn't going to be very constructive. I assume you aren't using codependent in its clinical sense, because what is wrong with that has to do not just with the person being controlled and manipulated but by the other party who is controlling, manipulative and usually pathologically unstable.

by Anonymousreply 1406/17/2013

[quote]What's Wrong Being Subservient and Co Dependent In a Relationship?

If you have to ask, OP, then I guess it's obvious how little I mean to you even after all of the countless niceties I have shown you at great personal expense. You just HAD to make me angry, didn't you, OP? WHY CAN'T YOU EVER LET ME BE HAPPY?

by Anonymousreply 1506/17/2013

[quote]Speaking as an Asian (and the OP) Asians tend to be Subservient and Co Dependent if they are lucky (and I do mean lucky) to get into a relationship with a white guy.

Speak for yourself. None of my Asian friends is fucked up enough to believe that BS.

by Anonymousreply 1606/17/2013

[quote] Speak for yourself. None of my Asian friends is fucked up enough to believe that BS.

You don't see them chasing after white dudes. Plus they are in love with you, but too shy to say anything.

by Anonymousreply 1706/17/2013

I could use a subservient co-dependent guy, as long as he was younger than me and more attractive than me.

Obviously, this is why I'm still single.

by Anonymousreply 1806/17/2013

OP, the attached article might help you understand the concept of 'detachment'.

It's important to learn this. Detachment doesn't necessariliy mean you have to get rid of your relationship. You can detach from your partner and have your own life, but stay together, if you work hard enough at it. Then you will be more happy in your life and relationship.

I just broke up with my Asian boyfriend, but get this, I was the one who was more co-dependent on him. I found myself losing self-esteem because he is emotionally blocked. I was trying to fix him, and make him more emotionally available, and I actually saw signs that my influence was working, but he was doing it to please me...not to try and be more expressive. That's how he was co-dependent on me. There were many other ways where he was being subservient towards me, and shortcutting his own needs - he doesn't even know what his needs are. We are taking a break, and will try to be at least friends in a month or so.

Also, when we talk of gay Asians, we need to always specify whether they were born in America or Asia. It makes a big difference. My ex-BF was born in China, but has lived his entire teen/adult life in the US.

by Anonymousreply 1906/17/2013

R19 Thank you White Guy

Great article

by Anonymousreply 2006/17/2013

What's wrong with it? It's soul-killing, OP, that's what's wrong with it.

Lay off Asian people, they don't need any of your bullshit, they have enough problems.

by Anonymousreply 2106/17/2013

R18 then date an Asian

I tell my white friends all the time. You are desperate for a boyfriend, get an Asian guy.

They will never leave and will hang on to you by their fingernails.

They will never let you go

by Anonymousreply 2206/17/2013

R21 read R19

More Asians need to realize this, and stop being so subservient and needy for a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 2306/17/2013

OP, it is a matter of self-respect.

It is also a matter of having equality and equal say and equal power in the relationship and in the psychology of the relationship.

Everyone, both women and men, should have marketable skills, job training, or a profession so that one can adequately financially support oneself.

Without marketable skills and ability to financially support oneself, it leads to emotional, psychological, and financial dependence on someone else, and leads to a loss of power and equality.

by Anonymousreply 2406/17/2013

This is because Asians like yourself OP are racist and don't even realize it.

Why are white guys seen as a prize? Why not Black guys, Hispanic guys or other Asians?

You don't even list them for their personal qualities, you refer to them as a "status symbol" like buying a Gucci purse.

So you act subservient just to show off your purse. Really kind of twisted when you think about it. You are not really looking for the best guy, you are looking for the best purse to make other people (Asians) jealous of what you have.

This is why every time I meat a gay Asian they immediately want me to meet all their friends. I am just a piece of meat, even just as a friend. I feel so used.

by Anonymousreply 2506/17/2013

That is my whole point R25

We as Asians need to STOP seeing White men as a status symbol and get some self-respect.

To stop being so subservient in these white/asian relationships

by Anonymousreply 2606/17/2013

[quote]This is why every time I meat a gay Asian

Oh dear!!!

by Anonymousreply 2706/17/2013

Grab your pearls while you are "oh dear" at that statement R27, it was meant as an ironic joke.

by Anonymousreply 2806/17/2013

OP / R26, you have another issue as well. It's not just putting white men on a pedestal.

You said you would rather do that then be single. How dose dating guys from another race make you single?

How about dating another Asian guy? Ever even try that? What about a Hispanic or Black guy? You have hang ups about them in the negative?

That is the stuff you need to think about. If you are really serious about your post, date some guys or make some friends in those other categories. That is how you can stop the cycle.

There are plenty of men in the sea, just not all white tuna. Stop looking at them as a commodity to be on display and look at people as individuals.

You wont be single for long if you open up that door and stop fixating on white guys.

by Anonymousreply 2906/17/2013

R29 I completely agree with you.

Asians need to get some self-esteem and look beyond the white community and open up their eyes to different races.

I agree with everything you say.

by Anonymousreply 3006/17/2013

btw the opening post was what I would imagine an Asian with no self-esteem write about.

by Anonymousreply 3106/17/2013

Anyone else?

by Anonymousreply 3208/19/2013

You're a sad mess OP.

by Anonymousreply 3308/19/2013

No one has answered the question.

What's Wrong Being Subservient and Co Dependent In a Relationship?

At least you have someone, better than no one.

by Anonymousreply 3408/21/2013

If you're with a real shit head, he will be charming enough so that you have no idea you are in a subservient or co dependent relationship. Then he will pick a fight with you over something totally unworthy and turn everything around so that you are sure you're the problem. Then, you will spend an inordinate amount of time wondering how the fuck you got to this place in your relationship and trying to make these sweeping changes he recommended while he is off doing his own thing.

Those are the ones to stay away from, I think. The ones who flat out make it known you are subservient to their needs are keepers in this scenario.

by Anonymousreply 3508/21/2013

R35 so what is wrong with that?

At least you have someone. If the person is fine being subservient, what is the problem?

by Anonymousreply 3608/21/2013

I love a submissive guy in bed, and it's nice to feel pampered and taken care of, but someone truly subservient with low self esteem as OP mentioned? Huge turn off. I need to respect a guy to have a relationship with him. And I definitely respect a guy who has the balls to stand up to me when I need/deserve it. A sniveling little sycophant is just a turn off. Man up.

by Anonymousreply 3708/21/2013

That's what I meant - being blatantly subservient is much better than being with someone who mind fucks you at every turn. I'd much rather have someone who has a mutual understanding of the order of things rather than be alone.

Being alone beats the shitty manipulator though - that does more damage to your self esteem than any honest dominant boyfriend ever could.

by Anonymousreply 3808/21/2013

The point is if the person is willing to be a doormat, subservient in the relationship. HIS choice.

What is wrong with that. At least he will never be lonely.

by Anonymousreply 3908/21/2013

I've always had fantasies about being dominated, it sound fun to me. Of course in my fantasies the dom is gorgeous and it's easy to see why someone would worship them. And if the top is reasonably intelligent and sane, I don't think it'd be that bad for him to always get his way. I've always liked to watch daytime talk-shows when the subject is domineering husbands. I remember one guy would make his wife take off his shoes and socks when he got home, and if he wiggled his toes, that meant he wanted her to use the sock to clean between them. And that was supposed to be so horribly humiliating for her. And of course I support any abused wife from getting out of a situation they're unhappy with. But I sure would mind a domineering top who'd treat like that, as long as he was hot.

by Anonymousreply 4008/21/2013

So what are the LONG term effects of someone being a doormat, subservient in the relationship. HIS choice.

What is wrong with that. At least he will never be lonely.

by Anonymousreply 4108/27/2013
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