When they just can't except it's over
Anyone been stalked by a psycho ex ?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 89||06/16/2013|
No I have been stalked by nosey parkers who paid a homeless guy to look me up though.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 1||06/14/2013|
Yes, and it sucks.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 2||06/14/2013|
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 3||06/14/2013|
I was in college. He had gone there but dropped it. I never did anything with him, but he thought of me as his ex because I had dinner with him twice and kissed him a few times.
He'd call. He called my parents. He'd sit outside my house in his car all night. I'd catch him following me. He sent letters. He called classmates for information. And he attempted suicide, leaving a note at my school about his reasons and my responsibility.
After his hospitalization I waited for him outside his place one night. I told him that if he hassled me or anyone else I would hire someone to beat his face in. As I figured, his vanity, and knowledge I meant it, stopped the bullshit.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 4||06/14/2013|
No...but I do stalk my ex by sending him a letter every year on our anniversary...not because I dont accept its over, but because bad people dont deserve happy endings. I sold my house, gave up MY career and moved across the country for HIS career. I was madly in love and totally devoted to him. He swore he loved me and we were married...only for me to find out a month later he was screwing his "best friend" the entire time we were together. He denied it until I showed him pictures that were given to me of them together. His only response was that "they were only words" when he said he loved me. Ive been in a relationship for years with someone I adore, but I will never let my "ex" forget the hell he put me through. I never recieved an apology, an explaination...nothing. When he sees me, he runs...not that I would ever do anything to him. He just refuses to take any responsibility for what he did. The sad part about it is I know that deep down he does love me, but he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and is too much of a narcissist to admit he did anything wrong. I know it sounds pathetic, but Im far from psycho. I just like reminding him that you cant just screw with someones emotions and ruin their life without any consequences. If we had just broken up for whatever reason, I wouldnt bother...but he was living a secret life for years and convincing me I was the crazy one when I would question things that didnt make sense.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 5||06/14/2013|
If you want to drive him really crazy, R5, stop sending the cards and avoid where he might see you. He'll freak the fuck out believing you are once and truly over his ass. And by doing it, you might be.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 6||06/14/2013|
Time to move on, r5. Be glad the experience is behind you and leave it there.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 7||06/14/2013|
Here is what I want to know.
I had a crazy ex stalk me to the point where the police got involved. They were actually great - which made me think this might not have been the first time someone called them about him.
I honestly swear while we were dating there was no sign he was a complete nut job.
It was like the crazy switch got flipped.
Do you think that is usually the case - or are there usually signs from the beginning?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 8||06/14/2013|
You mean like Scientology?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 9||06/14/2013|
r8...while there are people who are mentally unstable from the get go, usually when the "crazy switch" gets flipped, its because there are lies, manipulations, infidelities or some other thing that happens resulting in the end of a relationship. The majority of people who are labeled "stalkers" arent really stalkers at all...they are victims who are labeled stalkers by the people who manipulate and use them so they dont have to take accountability for their own actions. Usually a true stalker is someone who has had little or no relations with the person they pursue...its a fabrication in their own mind.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 10||06/14/2013|
I had this ex-fuck-buddy who thought I was stalking him, because I kept driving by his place. My sister lives in an assisted living facility around the corner. He was/is a closet case who worked for the Catholic church.
He called me out of the blue, yelling and saying I was trying to destroy his life. I honestly had no idea who he was until he explained the situation.
Once he was having a BBQ with his Catholic friends, and I slowed down and waved at him. He was certain that I was trying to destroy his life.
He was such a freak that I didn't tell him about my sister. I would rather he thought I was a stalker than to have him disturb her.
This didn't change anything, I still kept driving by. He eventually moved.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 11||06/14/2013|
[quote]are there usually signs from the beginning?
If there are, we are probably blinded by love or lust to notice it. Lets face it, who would get into a relationship with someone who shows signs they maybe crazy? I know if I had any clue my ex would have turned out to be such a freak, I never would have started anything with him.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 12||06/14/2013|
R10 = Stalked his ex. But it was his ex's fault.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 13||06/14/2013|
Fuck me in the ass.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 14||06/14/2013|
[quote]No...but I do stalk my ex by sending him a letter every year on our anniversary...not because I dont accept its over, but because bad people dont deserve happy endings.
Big deal, you send him a letter--do you really think he cares, or does anything with these letters but toss them in the trash, and perhaps have a laugh with friends or his current partner about how psycho ex did it again? You really should get him over him and move on, sans the letter-writing--when you send these letters, the only person you are punishing is yourself, by continuing to dwell on the unhappy demise of an ancient-history relationship.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 15||06/14/2013|
Please define what YOU think stalking means.
This, I think, would be the better point to start this thread's discussion.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 16||06/15/2013|
R5, R6 is right. You need to move on. Based on your post, I don't believe you're happy in your current relationship because if you were, you wouldn't send your ex a letter. If I was in a relationship with someone who mailed their ex every year on their anniversary, I'd run because that's not a sign that this person is committed.
You are not the only one who's gotten hurt and lied to by an ex. I'll bet most people who post here have. But moving on is really the best revenge and also the best thing you can do for yourself. Clinging to your ex is a sign that you still have feelings for him and have not moved on. It's time to.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 17||06/15/2013|
OP here, for Re 16. I am talking about anyone who, whether a relationship ends amicably, or not, has an ex who through letters,e-mails, calls, or in-person, continues to hound the person , either because they won't accept the split, or has mental issues, and becomes vindictive.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 18||06/15/2013|
R5 = psycho
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 19||06/15/2013|
"hound the person."
Ridiculous. It is normal to remain in contact with exes, and only unruly children predisposed to tantrums, dramas, and scenes would think otherwise. If I sometimes email those who don't respond, well, it is self-expression, not stalking, and frankly, a marker of my moral superiority although they would be enraged if I ever said something like that.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 20||06/15/2013|
C'mon Re. 20 - I'm not talking about couples who continue to stay friends, or be in touch. I'm talking about unwanted continuance, by 1 party, to stay in touch with an ex, to the point of harassment.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 21||06/15/2013|
OP, would you please fucking type R20 and not this "re" shit?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 22||06/15/2013|
[quote]When they just can't except it's over
Maybe it's your old English teacher stalking you. The one that got away ...
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 23||06/15/2013|
[quote] Im far from psycho
Yes, you are. You ACT like a psycho and you RATIONALIZE it. That's called being a psycho.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 24||06/15/2013|
Sometimes we just love so much. So hard. So deep that we cannot let go of u easily. Yeah we may call and hang up. Yeah we will drive by your house. Yeah we may egg your car. But we really love u and need u and miss u.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 25||06/15/2013|
r24...Im not psycho...Im pissed. I forgot to mention in my post at r5 the way we broke up...I had come home from a Dr appt ( I went after I recieved the pictures I mentioned in my original post) after having just been told that my ex had given me several gifts that keep on giving ...including the BIG one. When I called him at work to confront him, I got a denial until I told him where I had just been...all he said was "I dont love you, they were only words" and he hung up. I never heard from him again. He never even came to get his stuff...I sent it to his mothers house a month later. We were together for years, not dating for a few months and I was 100% faithful. I dont write him to profess my love...I write him to remind him what a POS and a coward he is and so he'll think twice before doing the same thing to someone else. I dont care if he throws my letters away and doesnt read them. Its the fact that he sees my name and is reminded of what he did and how dispicable he is. Hes lucky that all I do is write letters. If that in your opinion makes me psycho, then so be it.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 26||06/15/2013|
R10 = crazy stalker
No dear, it is often people in actual relationships who become some of the worst stalkers. They are narcissists who just can not accept that someone doesn't want them anymore. It actually shocks and enrages them. Sometimes they even kill.
It amazes me when stalkers like R5 assume that, because they made sacrifices and bad choices of their own free will, someone owes them their undying love forever. People fall out of love for lots of reasons and that's just life. Feelings are not within our control. Get over it. You won't get someone to fall back in love with you by acting like an asshole.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 27||06/15/2013|
You may or may not be a psycho, R26, but you are definitely stuck.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 28||06/15/2013|
Yes, R26, you are a psycho, and have some kind of mental disorder that won't let you move on. You think he reads these letters? And if he does, you think you're actually achieving what you're attempting? That's why you a re a psycho. You think you're "showing" him or teaching him some kind of lesson. Instead, you're only solidifying your position as bitter and angry, and probably verifying in his mind that he's lucky to be rid of someone capable of holding onto such anger.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 29||06/15/2013|
On the contrary, what R26 doesn't say is what's important. By contacting the ex he is reminding him that he is ALIVE and that is far more healthy and cathartic than all you "move on" bozos.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 30||06/15/2013|
Send dead flowers, then. Do it right.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 31||06/15/2013|
R30, not at all. If anything, the ex is getting confirmation on how UNHEALTHY his ex is. At least mentally, anyway. But I'm sure the ex appreciates the confirmation that he made the right call in getting far far away.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 32||06/15/2013|
Did r26 & r5's ex seroconvert him to HIV?
Am I reading between the lines correctly?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 33||06/15/2013|
Oh, God, yes. It was awful. I would see him outside my office window, waiting for me to head out to lunch. When he saw me coming out of the building, he'd walk by and pretend to be surprised to see me. I'd go in to a record shop and he'd come in right after me. He didn't even like music, but he said he was stopping by to get a cd or whatever. It happened all the time, and it freaked me out. I ended up moving from the city, and didn't tell him where I moved to. He called my mother some time later to ask where I was, but my mom -- who is the coolest woman, ever -- told him that she'll give me his number, and I'll call if I wanted to. He finally did track me down, years and years later -- damn the internet -- to tell me had HIV. Despite my never wanting to see or talk to him again, I felt bad for him, and talked to him one last time. I have no idea if he's still alive, but I kind of doubt it. I appreciate that he loved me so much that he'd stalk me, but it's not a good feeling. at . all.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 34||06/15/2013|
Stalking isn't about love R34.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 35||06/15/2013|
I'm with R26 R5. His "lover" gave him HIV. Letter-writing isn't nearly enough, AFAIC.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 36||06/15/2013|
R32...thats pretty F'd up. He gets confirmation that Im crazy because he lied and pretty much screwed me up for life and ran away with no explaination whatsoever ? Is that something you would do to someone and expect not to suffer any consequences ?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 37||06/15/2013|
r37, you just don't get it, do you? You writing him letters is doing NOTHING to mae him "suffer consequences". He likely doesn't GIVE A SHIT! If he reads the letters, he probably laughs about them, or just thinks "Glad I got away from him!" It doesn't matter if you're right and he's wrong. You are achieving none of what you believe you are achieving and your inability to even recognize this shows how warped you are mentally.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 38||06/15/2013|
[quote]I just like reminding him that you cant just screw with someones emotions and ruin their life without any consequences.
I will not be [italic]ignored[/italic], Dan!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 39||06/15/2013|
No you don't get it R38. First of all, OP wouldn't have fallen in love in with him etc. if he were the monster you've described. Second, to the extent he is a monster the communication creates cognitive dissonance and reveals R26 as a survivor not a piece of trash the guy has thrown out. Third, OP isn't really doing it for R26's education but for himself. That love affair was an important part of his life and to pretend like it didn't exist is just as harmful psychologically to himself as dragging it around. That's the part you don't understand. If some asshole who was your life for a period of time tries to make you think your perceptions, judgement, and experience were all invalid, wrong, naive, and lame - that's a continuing violence, not one that ended with the break-up. And to pretend it means nothing to you, that it's no big deal that you have a big hole in your life, lesson learned, go forward, is not the constructive process psychologically that you seem to think it is. R26 is in effect saying, hey I don't know what the hell happened to you, you craven cowardly, loser piece of shit, but you don't get to redefine the past by forcing me to accept your fantasy narrative by disappearing from your life. That past is as much mine as yours, and you can't wish away reality because you got caught misbehaving.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 40||06/15/2013|
This is very important: NOBODY has a right to make you disappear because they've decided they no longer wish to be your friend or lover. A good 50% of the time, that's what a stalking claim is: I want to pretend you never existed and so YOU have to disappear forever. And that's not a right anybody has, to coerce other people into removing themselves from their accustomed haunts in order to validate some false narrative of the past. I understand a lot of men particularly think they OWN somebody else and they commit violence because of this belief, and this is largely responsible for the hysteria about stalking: but the fact that the anti-stalking crowd keeps referring to a FICTIONAL movie about a violent woman stalker, something which is not unheard of but not common in real life, to justify not wanting to deal with anyone from their past they've disagreed with for any reason, tends to indicate we have more Borderline Personalities with fantasies about stalking here than we have real victims here.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 41||06/15/2013|
R5, you have reason to be angry but you're only hurting yourself. You're not the only gay man to get HIV from someone they trusted and who betrayed them. Let the asshole go. Stop the letters. Focus on your current relationship. LIVE.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 42||06/15/2013|
R41 writes like a stalker. Glad DL is anonymous!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 43||06/15/2013|
And R43 writes like a typical conventional scaremonger. I believe he is also one of the trolls who think Muslims have taken over France and instituted sharia law.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 44||06/15/2013|
[quote]I believe he is also one of the trolls who think Muslims have taken over France and instituted sharia law.
Voices in your head, dear?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 45||06/15/2013|
[quote]Muslims have taken over France and instituted sharia law.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 46||06/15/2013|
No just an extrapolation based on your inability to reason and your apparent susceptibility to scaremongering like the movie "Fatal Attraction." Movies and real life are not identical.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 47||06/15/2013|
Stalking is a serious crime and people who use it as an excuse for demonizing their exes are just making things easier for real psychos by trivializing the issue.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 48||06/15/2013|
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 49||06/15/2013|
Crazy bitches up in this shit beyotch.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 50||06/15/2013|
Let me assist by condensing R41's post:
I am insane.
Ain't nobody gonna walk away from me. NO-BODY.
That fucker tried to MAKE ME DISAPPEAR and had no right to call the police when I broke into his apartment and he caught me spray painting cocks on the walls and called the police. He had not right to have the police try to MAKE ME DISAPPEAR from his apartment, office, church, grocery store, parents' house in Long Island, friends' house, aunt's funeral, and all the other places I had a perfect right to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 51||06/15/2013|
Who let the Triscuit troll in?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 52||06/15/2013|
R40/R41 is CREEPY! WTF!?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 53||06/15/2013|
Wow, trolldar R41!
It's very enlightening, and tells you much about the state of Datalounge today.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 54||06/15/2013|
[quote]NOBODY has a right to make you disappear because they've decided they no longer wish to be your friend or lover.
Actually, yes, I do, when your failure to "disappear" includes such things as breaking into my house, trespassing on my property and looking in my windows, repeatedly calling me at work, calling me at home a dozen times a day or more (until I got a new unlisted number), and the like. Sorry, but that's a stalker, not a fantasy, and it took a court order to get the behavior to stop.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 55||06/15/2013|
Do tell R54. I'm too lazy to go to all that work trolldaring.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 56||06/15/2013|
Bet someone has a restraining order for the hot mess at R41.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 57||06/15/2013|
[quote]This is very important: NOBODY has a right to make you disappear
From the planet, no. From my personal life, yes, barring the occasional unplanned encounter, and I mean truly unplanned, not you've been camped outside my building for 9 hours waiting to "accidentally bump into" me unplanned.
[quote]A good 50% of the time, that's what a stalking claim is: I want to pretend you never existed and so YOU have to disappear forever.
I have no right to make you stop existing, but I have every right to cease paying attention to your existence if I wish. You may not like it, but that's the way it is. I'll say hello and be polite if we bump into each other on the street or with mutual friends, but I do not need to answer your phone calls, read your texts or emails, invite you into my home, or engage with you in any other way if I do not care to do so.
[quote]And that's not a right anybody has, to coerce other people into removing themselves from their accustomed haunts in order to validate some false narrative of the past
Depends entirely on what you mean by "accustomed haunts." If we met because we belong to the same gym or shop at the same grocery store etc., then, no, of course, I can't expect you to give up a part of your daily routine that predates me just because I'd rather not run into you. But if by "accustomed haunts," you mean my house, my yard, my office, etc., then hell yeah, you need to stay the fuck away. And if by "accustomed haunts," you mean "public places you've never ever been before, and have absolutely zero interest in, but will now visit on a daily basis because you suspect you may run into me there," well, then, I might not be able to stop you, but do please know that you are a fucking psycho who needs help.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 58||06/15/2013|
Yes, well we can all make up scenarios can't we, particularly ones we've learned from television and the movies.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 59||06/15/2013|
Usually I'm the crazy stalker.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 60||06/15/2013|
Listen, crazy stalker @ R59, no one is making up scenarios. The examples given @ R55 & R58 are all too common text book stalker behaviors--like everyday common. Come out of the basement and experience real life for a change.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 61||06/16/2013|
[quote]Yes, well we can all make up scenarios can't we,
You didn't live through it, moron. If you're going to remain in denial, I'd suggest you do it elsewhere, since you clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Or you're a stalker desperate to rationalize his behavior. Which is it?
Turning on trolldar on your posts is quite revealing.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 62||06/16/2013|
Trolldar reveals a sicko stalker!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 63||06/16/2013|
r61 and r62.. The descriptions at r55 and r58 are clearly delusional people. What r59 was stating in his prior posts is that while there are people who are clearly stalkers, there are also people who use the term as a scapegoat in order to avoid people and situations from their past, thereby rewriting their own reality. He was referring to people who have been in long term relationships who choose to treat the other person as if they and the relationship never existed in order to avoid them, and in order to do so, label them as stalkers. While there are situations where you have no choice but to totally cut off the other person (abuse, addiction, legitimate stalking behavior, etc), if you have been in a relationship with someone for years, there is no logical reason to treat the other person as if they and your relationship never existed. That in and of itself is a form of abuse (Im not talking about avoiding the person or casually saying hello and being civil when you see each other). Usually when one of the people go to that extreme, it is because one of them did something reprehensible and dont want to be held accountable for their actions, or they were hurt so badly that they dont want to see the other person to avoid doing something they regret. They then use the term "stalker" in order to rationalize their position. Those are the people who delegitimize situations described in r55 and r58. Its like a person who knowingly and willingly sleeps with someone and then claims "rape" the next day because they have regrets.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 64||06/16/2013|
Get help, R64 etc, because being dumped is one of those "life isn't fair things".
If you're dumped you're dumped, you're out of a person's life just because they don't want you there. There's no right to control another person after the dumping, and no right to control their memories, perceptions, or activities. If they tell you to get out of their life, you have no right to force yourself on them.
Yeah, it sucks, but tough titty.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 65||06/16/2013|
R41 has someone in their basement chained up, right? I'm not the only one who picked up on that, am I?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 66||06/16/2013|
Your ex is a dog, R64, but in continuing to engage him, you're giving him entirely too much power over you.
Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Let it go.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 67||06/16/2013|
[quote]He was referring to people who have been in long term relationships who choose to treat the other person as if they and the relationship never existed in order to avoid them, and in order to do so.
Where are you getting this from? What you are describing is something totally different and has nothing to do with harassing and stalking another person. And where do you get the idea R59 was talking only about long term relationships? In none of his post does that term even appear.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 68||06/16/2013|
[quote]The descriptions at [R55] and [R58] are clearly delusional people.
Really? So the restraining order I filed, the neighbor who testified that he saw my ex climbing through a bedroom window when I wasn't home, the friend who testified that he saw my ex peeking in through the living room window while we were watching tv... these were "delusions?" The judge who granted the restraining order didn't think so, thankfully.
You didn't live through it, moron. Until you do, I suggest you refrain from commenting, since you clearly don't know what the hell you're talking about.
[quote]What [R59] was stating in his prior posts is that while there are people who are clearly stalkers, there are also people who use the term as a scapegoat in order to avoid people and situations from their past, thereby rewriting their own reality.
He wrote far more than that, and what he wrote was quite revealing, beginning with his post at R20.
[quote]He was referring to people who have been in long term relationships who choose to treat the other person as if they and the relationship never existed in order to avoid them, and in order to do so, label them as stalkers.
And yet neither he nor you have any evidence that such people exist.
[quote]if you have been in a relationship with someone for years, there is no logical reason to treat the other person as if they and your relationship never existed.
Actually, there are legitimate reasons why such a response is often warranted, depending on the nature of the relationship and the two parties involved.
[quote]That in and of itself is a form of abuse
Oh, garbage. I'm not "abusing" anyone by getting on with my life. And if you see it as "abuse," that says far more about you than it does about me.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 69||06/16/2013|
Ah, I missed that R64 is R5. That explains a lot. You should look up "denial," R64.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 70||06/16/2013|
r65...you totally miss the point. Yes, people get dumped...its not about that. Im referring to the people who scream they are being "stalked" because they run into an ex ...or they get a call or letter out of the blue. Im not talking about someone whos trying to force themselves into your life because they wont let go or they are obsessed with you. If I ran into my ex at the store or the gym and we werent on speaking terms, I would avoid him, but if he acknowledged me as he passed, I would say acknowledge him back. I wouldnt turn into a drama queen and run out of the store or gym and claim hes stalking me like some people do. Theres a difference between being civil and rational and being a narcissist. Its one thing to choose not to acknowledge something, but another to deny it ever existed at all.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 71||06/16/2013|
r69...you need to slow down and read before you post...I did not stae you were delusional...I stated the people YOU DESCRIBED in r55 and r58 were.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 72||06/16/2013|
I've been stalked, and also stalked others. It's true that stalking comes from not getting what you want and not being able to handle it.
I had a bf for a tumultuous 9 months in '06/'07. He was abusive. We broke up every month, but then he would beg and wheedle and force his way in my house. I always felt sorry for him (stupid me). He would act good only as long as he thought he didn't have me. As soon as I would relent, it was back to the same shit. When we finally broke up for good after he kept trying to get us slowly back into a relationship (he was just lonely), he started sending me bizarre emails. I wouldn't respond because I learned that any response would crack the door a little and he would force it wide open. But those emails infuriated me so much and left me upset for 2 weeks each time I'd get one. I finally blocked his emails because I couldn't take it anymore. I hope and assume he eventually moved on.
I have stalked many people, but subtly. Usually driving by houses. When young, I called one guy a lot and would hang up. He had moved on to much hotter people when I got fat, and I saw them around town. I missed him. It was hell on me.
This last time was a couple years ago. I met the love of my life, a relationship better than anything I've ever had. He dumped me and I couldn't process it because everything was so good between us - there was no logical reason to break up. Our connection was fantastic. It was all I could talk about, and my friends kept saying he just doesn't want to be with you. I would call him and he would usually ignore me. I was such a mess. I happened upon him driving through town one day and followed him. He was really uncomfortable. I confronted him and basically talked him into continuing with me. It turns out he'd never experienced a relationship with deep intimacy and it scared the shit out of him. He spent his whole life fleeing anything too intimate and uncomfortable. I had to talk him into feeling safe, assuring him I would still accept him no matter what he thought were he unacceptable parts. That took a lot of work, convincing him I'd be there for him. And here we are today, (mostly) blissfully happy, living together, a deep connection, a lot of fun, passion, and building a life together. We have fights, but they are over petty things like cleaning the house. Not foundational issues.
So here's a story of stalking gone right! Yes, I was certainly a psycho when he dumped me, but it was because I knew this is who I want to spend my life with. He now tells me he would feel an immense emptiness if I wasn't here.
I admit if I hadn't been able to convince him that last time, I would have had to move on. And it would have take a loooong time with deep depression.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 73||06/16/2013|
R72 Are you the sort of person who attends a lecture about the history of the Apollo missions then complains later because they didn't cover the proper way to prune a rose bush? Because that is what you are doing here. You are trying so hard to frame the discussion to include your scenarios, not realizing what you have invented in your head is just that, something in your head. And again, since you refused to answer before, I will ask again: where did you get the idea R59 was talking about people in long term relationships? It seems strange that you refuse to answer how you have the insight into what a stranger was really thinking.
The only delusional person here is the one who thinks none of us have caught on to what you are really doing. We all see right through you.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 74||06/16/2013|
r72...you need to chill. clearly r59 stated in his post at r40..."a person who has been in you life for a period of time"...while it is subjective, I do not read that as having had one or two dates with someone. I read that as a relationship. And I am not trying to make the discussion about my situation...people have posted comments and I responded regarding what is classified as actual stalking (such as r55 and r58) and how some people use the term when it doesnt really apply.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 75||06/16/2013|
sorry....r75 was directed at r74
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 76||06/16/2013|
Sorry R75 but a period of time does not equal a "long term relationship". A period of time could be a few hours or a few million years. You're reaching really hard, but its not working.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 77||06/16/2013|
A big story is going break soon about an L.A stalking scam. Basically, stalking is a rare occurrence. Real stalkers are delusional and easy to spot. You don't just become a stalker. It's a real mental disease. Any expert knows immediately. Meanwhile, an LAPD unit called the Threat Management Unit was founded on the premise that they needed a special unit for this "problem," after Rebecca Sheafer's murder. They have conferences and pretend that their jobs take special training. Soon they saw that the Unit was extraneous. But, they learned that keeping up the facade of a major stalking problem could get then not only a lot of Federal funding, but they can have a way to hobnob with celebrities and Hollywood Power Brokers. And, when they retired early there was huge money to be made in celebrity security firms.
Though this unit purports to handle aggravated felony stalking cases, they actually falsify misdemeanor charges, since the city attorney also has decided it's fun to hang out in Mansions with celebrities. They have to justify the federal funding so they must falsify cases so as not to lose the best job in the LAPD. Hard to believe, but this is happening, and two big names are involved, and one maybe semi know comedian (with publicized cancer, and a predilection for having threads deleted by her law firm.)
After Anthony Pellicano was sent to Federal Prison, certain lawyers representing celebrities, or celebrity aspirants who feared any bad press, figured a way to win civil cases against anyone suing them. Jeffrey Dunn, the supervisor, and the other detectives of this unit will get anyone who pays their hefty fees labeled a stalker and a dangerous criminal. It's easier than you think.
Since legislation allows this Unit to circumvent a lot of laws, if they allege stalking -- the non stalker, who just sued someone who harmed them-- is effectively neutralized in their civil suit, and then turned into a creepy stalker as a bonus. Since these clients of these firms are public figures the slander is spread everywhere.
Keep an eye out for this story to break.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 78||06/16/2013|
R75 is a stalker. They said so themselves. It's sad to see how much they are trying to defend their own irrational behavior.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 79||06/16/2013|
I don't have a membership. Can someone start a thread about being falsely accused of a crime, and what it feels like, and how they got over it etc. Thanks.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 80||06/16/2013|
R78 and R80 is a stalker who got busted. She may also believe that climate change scientists are just making the whole thing up so they can shill for grants.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 81||06/16/2013|
No, but I once read a thread about stalking where trolldar showed that a couple of posters obsessively tried to change the topic into
"people who accuse others of being stalkers are the real problem."
One can only imagine the motivation for that, ha ha.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 82||06/16/2013|
Let's see if I've got this right: this posting has now more than 80 -- that's right, EIGHTY! -- responses; and not ONE of the dingle-berry responders has noted OP's original posting and the GROSS miscarriage of using correct and proper English?!!? OP, do you KNOW the distinction between "except" and "ACCEPT"?!! Obviously not. Holy Mary, Joseph and Jesus! How dumbed down HAS teaching and learning in this country become, anyway? Are DL's responders ALL products of the public educational system, like the first 82 responders?!! No wonder Obama got re-elected last year! I've heard of 'low information voters.' We now have a generation of 'low informers spellers?' SHEESH!!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 83||06/16/2013|
R83 They now how an out-patient procedure for removing sticks from one's ass.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 84||06/16/2013|
" ...low informers spellers?'
Yasssss, hunnee. You tell 'em!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 85||06/16/2013|
R83, many times in life, it's easier to except (hahaha) people as they are, and not try to fix everything. Even if one knows better. Telling someone how their (did it again!) wrong is not always useful or appreciated.
Sometimes it's nice to just read for content rather than errors to retentively correct.
But hey, we're all entitled to are (!) opinions.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 86||06/16/2013|
I looked him up on FB - does that count as stalking?
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 87||06/16/2013|
Rant all you like, R78, but they're not going to legalize stalking just for your convenience.
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 88||06/16/2013|
It does to these witch finding hysterics R87. There are shadows right now...creeping up on them.... in the alley...in the dark...BOO!
|by Dan Gallagher||reply 89||06/16/2013|